


Lovesick- Side Effects & Addiction

by i_write_shakespeare_not_disney



Series: Angsty/Fluffy/Smutty Klance One Shots from Tumblr [20]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, College, Coming Out, Communication, Dancer Keith (Voltron), Domestic Fluff, Exes, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff and Smut, Foster Kid Keith (Voltron), Grief/Mourning, M/M, Meet the Family, POV Alternating, Pansexual Lance (Voltron), Past Abuse Reference, Past Character Death, Personal Growth, Poet Lance, Self-Discovery, Smut, Strangers to Lovers, Switching, Writer Lance (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:33:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 321,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24932332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_write_shakespeare_not_disney/pseuds/i_write_shakespeare_not_disney
Summary: It all started with a hookup. Except, maybe that was never all it was meant to be. After all, Lance had always challenged his expectations, always did something more to surprise Keith. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad to indulge in it a bit. A little fun never hurt anyone.After hooking up with sort-of stranger Keith, Lance has become fully infatuated. He's determined to do it right, determined to get Keith to believe his intentions are sincere, not just hormone-induced. So for as long as it takes, and whatever it takes, Lance is ready to get to know the guy who seems so intent on keeping everyone at a distance. And he's willing to take on whatever past he has as well as whatever trials may come ahead.A follow up to Medicine. Side Effects and Addiction combined in order for facilitated reading.For new readers- Addiction is Keith's POV, Side Effects is Lance's POV
Relationships: Keith & Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Series: Angsty/Fluffy/Smutty Klance One Shots from Tumblr [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/887523
Comments: 11
Kudos: 69





	1. Addiction

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for all of the support while writing Lovesick! Recently, someone said they'd prefer reading the series as a combined whole. Originally, Side Effects and Addiction weren't combined because Addiction was going to be an optional read, and that changed about 4 chapters into it. Now that it's finished, Side Effects and Addiction will remain uploaded separately because of the reads and the comments, but I'll also have this, so you can read straight through. 
> 
> Fair warning, I have yet to revise/edit so the typos in the original are still here lol.

When Keith heard the knock on the door, he had to belatedly admit to the cheesy little butterflies that filled his entire being. He thought it would be Lance coming back to say some other perfectly cheesy, unbelievable thing. That he'd come back to give Keith another soft kiss that tasted like blueberries. 

He wasn't expecting Shiro with that disappointed Big Brother look on his face. It made all the butterflies drop dead. Drenched them in acid doused the remains with gasoline and a lighter. 

“Hey.” 

Shiro raised an eyebrow. “You know I'm not taking that hey for real.” Keith rolled his eyes. “Who the hell was that guy? You barely met him, and you already brought him in here to-”

“I didn't barely meet him; we met at the party last week.” 

“Oh, well since you've known him a week, yeah sure, bring him to your room,” Shiro said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. 

Keith grimaced and plopped back to his bed, laying back and hating but loving the way his body tingled at the leftover scent of Lance's cologne wafting up from the sheets, the smell of some sweet shampoo rising from the pillow. 

Then he remembered Shiro was there, and his light feeling faded. “What does it matter, I'm at least being safe. Condoms and everything. It's not like I'm expecting anything out of-” 

“Dammit, Keith that's the problem!” Keith sat up, eyes widening at the way Shiro’s voice rose. 

Shiro didn't yell at Keith. Not if it wasn't to call him from the living room or in the middle of a video game due to the hype. The last time Keith remembered Shiro yelling at him was the night Keith had told his parents he didn't want to get adopted. Before that, it would be reprimands telling him to get his act together in school, to stop going around with the little assholes that grouped together and liked to graffiti the sides of tattered stores and shops. Mostly stern talks that only escalated to yelling because Keith would talk back, talk over him. 

Even in light of the reckless way he flirted and fucked, Shiro had only sighed and shook his head, having the usual Adult Conversation with him. 

Now though, he seemed to have reached a limit and that made Keith feel sick to his stomach. 

“Keith, this isn't about you being safe or about the fact that you sleep around. It's not even about the fact that it's with strangers half the time. It's the fact that I know you and I know you're doing this to screw yourself over. I don't know why, I don't know what the hell happened but…. I can tell it's tearing you apart to keep doing this. And I can't stand seeing you break your heart over and over again.” 

“I'm not,” Keith insisted. Shiro fixed him with a look. “I'm not!” 

Shiro sighed and rubbed his face. “I don't even know what to ask or how to help right now,” he admitted. He looked at the door then back at Keith. “The last time you got your hopes up on someone… it didn't end well.” Keith clenched his jaw and curled into himself. He had half a mind to kick Shiro out. The only reason he didn't was because Shiro was the one person Keith truly loved and respected. “But I also don't think it's healthy for you to keep flinging yourself into these dead end hookups any time you get the chance. Even if you don't get your hopes up, I see how it bugs you.” 

“I'm fine,” Keith muttered. It was in fact a double edged sword he was playing with. 

On the one hand managing to fuck someone cute whenever he wanted felt like an ego boost, an extra fuck you after the big break up to say  _ I never fucking needed you.  _ On the other hand, Keith didn't like how often he came to realize the guy he snagged was just “so drunk and horny” or was already dating someone after the sex. He hated how purely hedonistic sex had become because he wasn't expecting cuddles or pillow talk, so he stopped really caring about a connection and focused more on chasing the pleasure to get rid of the person as soon as possible. 

He was tired. But he was also lonely. 

He was confused and not entirely sure what to think of Lance. It only made sense that after sex Lance would be done too. He's satiated his curiosity, his pride. But then- 

“He asked me out on a date.” Shiro furrowed his eyebrows and sat on the edge of the bed. “His name is Lance. He came to look for me today and he introduced me to his friends and kept… holding my hand.” Keith's eyebrows knit together. “It was weird, but… nice.” 

“Then you fuck him and he goes.” Shiro's voice wasn't judgmental. He sounded sad. Like He was full of pity for Keith, and that…. Frankly, it pissed him off. 

He got up and started pacing back and forth, his arms crossed. “Actually no. He stayed. He asked me out on a date, started talking to me asking me about stuff I like and telling me about some stuff he likes and he only left because his friends called him and he asked for my number and then he left.” 

He stopped pacing and stared at Shiro who was looking back at him tiredly. “You don't think he's gonna call.” 

Keith felt something heavy come over him and he signed, sitting back down beside Shiro. “I don't know,” he whispered. “I want him to. But I don't want to want him to. It just seems like so much trouble to go through convincing me, just to take it all back, but…. He's never been with a guy before. In any sense. Never dated, kissed, much less….” He halfheartedly gestured to the bed. “Not before me.” 

“Keith, you know-”

“Yeah, I know. I do know. I told him he was just… that I didn't think he would… god but he's so weird, like….” Keith shook his head and rubbed his face tiredly. His hands smelled like Lance- cologne and sweat. He could feel the ghost of his lips on his neck. He missed the warmth that came from nuzzling against him. 

They were all dangerous emotions to have for a half stranger who had been straight all his life until happening upon Keith. 

At first the concept had been exciting. Knowing Keith was seen as attractive and rugged enough to make a straight boy waver, to make them beg to get their hands on him. It felt like being a god. 

Then he just started feeling used. Each time the guys regret what they'd done, no matter how much they'd screamed his name and begged for more in bed, it always ended with that fucking regret. It made Keith feel dirty like he'd coerced them, but he hadn't. It made him feel worthless because these guys pretended he was nobody. It made him feel stupid because he didn't know how he expected anything more. 

But Lance was… different from the start. He hadn't begged for Keith to touch him, he'd begged to touch Keith. He'd come back for him. Kissed him on front of people who knew him. Lance had told his friends about him. He'd stayed with Keith longer than he needed to and… maybe he  _ would  _ call. 

“Well. He was cute. Nice eyes,” Shiro offered, dropping the reprimands that were making Keith feel guilty. “What happens if he does call?” 

Keith shrugged. “I guess… I go on a date. I don't know if he'll want a second date, but I could… at least go on one. He seems sincere. Naive as hell, but… sincere.” He shrugged again and looked at Shiro. 

“And if he breaks your heart I have total permission to bash his face in?” 

Keith laughed aloud at that. “I can do that for myself, but sure, you can do that in addition to me.” Shiro smirked and nodded. “Also… how did you even know I was in here?” 

“I was trying to find you because some guy was looking for you. Said you ditched him so I didn't know if it was on purpose or if he did something or I don't know. Ran into a friend and they said you were in here. Heard some noises I don't ever wanna hear again.” Keith blushed at that, grimacing at the memory of how Lance had made him fall apart as well as the fact that his  _ brother  _ had heard it. “So I just sort of… stayed near the back door, checking now and then to see who came out.” 

Keith's face paled. “Did you say something to him?” 

With an embarrassed grin, Shiro nodded and said, “Just told him to stay out of the house….” 

Keith sighed and fell back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. “Cool, so he's not calling.” 

“Don't be so melodramatic,” Shiro muttered. “Alright well… people are starting to leave and stuff. Wanna order pizza and watch Stranger Things again?” 

Keith smiled and nodded. 

It was well after three in the morning by the time everyone left, nearly four by the time Shiro managed to find a 24 hour pizza place to deliver. 

They were halfway through an episode of Stranger Things when Keith's phone went off. He stared at the strange number, nearly swiping to hang up when Shiro said, “Damn, he's already calling?” 

“He? What do you- oh my God. You think it's Lance?” 

“Answer and find out, dumbass!” 

Keith scolded and answered with an anxious, “Hello?” 

Shiro smirked throwing napkins at him until Keith stood up to keep talking, his heart hammering at the sound of Lance's voice.

It wasn't a long phone call…. And yet by the time he hung up, he couldn't wipe the ridiculous smile off of his face. 


	2. Side Effects

It had been a couple days since the party. Lance's thumbs were speeding over his screen, half listening to Hunk and Pidge. 

“How exactly are you going to get near him if his brother told you to stay away?” Hunk asked for the millionth time. “He could call the cops for trespassing. He could file for harassment.” 

“He could beat you to a pulp,” Pidge added. 

Lance stopped texting and looked up at his friends, narrowing his eyes. “Thank you both for the insight.” He huffed and put his phone down. “Keith says he's just protective. I mean, I get that. If anyone touched Luis or Veronica, I'd go batshit too, and they're older than me. I was planning on just… talking to him.” 

His friends were quiet for a moment. Then Pidge arched an eyebrow. “By talking to him… are you saying you're gonna pull a Landon Carter and  _ ask Shiro's permission  _ to take his foster brother on a date?” 

“Um. I dunno who that is, and I won't be asking permission necessarily. Just letting him know I'm not trying to play around or something.” 

“Buddy, the guy saw you coming out of Keith's room. I don't think he's gonna like you very much regardless,” Hunk said. He was currently flipping through channels as Pidge sidled up beside him, using him as a personal heater. Lance was sitting on the floor, still going over everything. 

“Jeez, it's not like he was a virtuous virgin I seduced down the path of lustful temptation or something! I didn't do anything bad!” Pidge snorted and shook her head. “I just want to be able to go on a date with him.” 

Hunk sat up a little straighter and made a stopping gesture with his hand. “Okay, Lance. You're serious about this right? Completely?” 

“Of course I am!” He hid his face and groaned. “Just because no guy has ever interested me  _ this intensely  _ before doesn't mean I'm not serious. I-” 

“Okay, I believe you,” Hunk said calmly. He smiled and punched Lance's shoulder. “Then just be you. If you just treat this like a normal thing, they'll both see you're being sincere.”

The thing was… Keith wasn't a normal thing. Not in any sense of it. It was the first date he'd have with a guy. He couldn't- and didn't want to- pull the same plays he did with girls. Something told him Keith would elbow him in the face if he yawned to drape his arm around him. 

But another aspect was that no one had made Lance feel so… so heavily infatuated. Infatuated was the wrong word, he felt. It was more like…. God, Lance didn't even know. It was just new. Everything he felt for Keith was stronger, and if emotions had color, then they were brighter too. It was the best way Lance knew how to begin to describe it. 

So no, Lance didn't want to treat this like a “normal thing.” He didn't want it to be normal. He wanted it to be so much more. 

\--

By the end of the week, Lance had a love hate relationship with Keith's texting. He loved it because they managed to hold a conversation throughout the day, and when Keith answered, he answered the way he thought. So lance would receive anywhere between 1-10 messages at once from him. 

He hated it because Keith took  _ forever  _ to answer in the first place. Eventually Lance settled for calling him at night. 

However, now it was Saturday, and that meant… date night. 

Lance wanted to surprise Keith. He wasn't entirely sure of what he was doing seeing as the last time he had been at Keith's place, Shiro had told him to stay away. And yet Lance was still pulling into the driveway, wearing his best shirt and the best jeans that Pidge once said made his was look like a strippers. He wasn't entirely sure what that meant, but it felt like a compliment in Pidge world. 

He took a breath and got out of his car to knock on the door. Of course with his luck, it was Shiro who answered the door. 

“Uh. Hey. Lance. I'm Lance.” He sighed and took a breath trying to calm himself down. “I'm here to see Keith.” 

Shiro gave him a once over and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, I know.” He opened the door further and kitted his chin toward the living room. “You can chill there.” 

“Cool. Thanks.” 

For a moment it was silent. Just Shiro staring at Lance with a weird look on his face. Lance was sure he was plotting a murder, his to be specific. Then Shiro turned and went down the hall calling, “Keith! It's for you!” 

Lance bit his lip and waited, trying not to look so nervous. He looked around, trying to gather some more basic information from the walls around him. If anyone walked into Lance's dorm, they'd know everything they needed to. 

Lance had a photo of his family on the wall, posters of bands and movies he liked, a couple abstract art pieces that got his attention at a market, and he had a bunch of old CD sleeves hung up too. What wasn't on the wall, you could learn from the things scattered around his desk, his bed, his counter. 

But here, it didn't seem like either of the inhabitants cared much for decoration. There was a TV on a nice stand that had a stack of movies, a couch, a table, a rug, and a tall lamp in one corner. No pictures, no posters, no sign of hobbies. You wouldn't even know they were foster brothers. 

“Lance?” He jumped slightly before turning to look at Keith. The sight of him- unruly hair, indigo eyes, even the ghost of the last hickeys still fading- had Lance's heart hammering I'm his chest. He had an urge to run toward him and wrap him in his arms and kiss him over and over. As if they'd been dating for years. 

“Hey,” he finally answered, his breath leaving him in one go. He stood up and got closer to him, feeling weak kneed as Keith regarded him. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Shiro came up behind him, giving Lance a steady look before dipping into the kitchen. Keith look confused but amused as Lance tried to find words. 

“I just. I thought maybe. Since it's a date I figured, you know we could- or I could come pick you up. Yeah. If that's… cool?” 

Keith smiled, arching an eyebrow. “Yeah, okay. Um. Come here.” He took Lance's hand and led him to the kitchen. “Shiro. This is Lance. I'm pretending you guys have never met before so the tension can go away.” 

Lance grimaced. But Shiro just laughed. “Hey, Lance.” 

“This is Shiro. My older brother.” 

Lance nodded and waved. “Hey. Nice to… meet you.” Lance turned to Keith and gave him a smile. “Are you ready to go? The movie doesn't start for a while, but I like being early if that's okay.” 

“Yeah. Lemme just get a jacket. Also, I'm driving.” Lance frowned, but didn't get a chance to argue because Keith was gone. 

Behind him, Lance heard a smug chuckle. “Good luck.” Then Shiro walked back past him into his room with a bowl of cereal. 

A moment later Keith came back with a leather jacket that looked unfairly good on him. He smirked, gave him a wink, and gestured to the front door. Lance followed him out, heading to his car. “Um, so about the driving-” 

“Over here, pretty boy,” Keith said. Lance looked up to see Keith going up the driveway toward the garage. Okay, so it was his own car. 

The garage door opened and Lance started wondering what kind of car Keith would have. He could see him with a Mustang. Or if he had the money, a Lamborghini. Maybe even a large Ford truck or something. 

Except he was completely wrong. There was no fancy car in the garage. There were two motorcycles. One a resplendent white with black and gold accents. The other a deep, shiny black with red curves. 

“Motorcycles.” 

“You're riding with me. Shiro doesn't like anyone touching his bike. But you can use the helmet.” Keith held out a white helmet, holding a red one under his arm. A smirk slowly made its way across his face, sexual and teasing. “Scared?” 

“No, ‘course not.” He grabbed the helmet and and bit his lip. “I didn't know you rode motorcycles.” 

Keith swung a leg over the motorcycle, and Lance couldn't help the way his mind got away and focused on the way Keith's thighs looked straddling the thing. 

“Yeah, there's a lot you don't know about me, pretty boy.” Keith gave him a teasing smile before running a hand through his hair to put his helmet on. 

Lance was a weak man.

He put the helmet on and got on behind Keith, hesitating with his hands. Sure he'd been all over Keith a week before, but this was different. This was a date, not a hook up. There were different rules. 

Keith laughed and grabbed Lance's hands, wrapping his arms around his torso. “Who's shy now?” 

Lance felt his face heat up, but he didn't mull over it much. The scent of Keith cologne along with the scent of fruity gum filled his nose and made him pleasantly dizzy. And by the time Keith revved the engine and kicked off, Lance was holding onto him even tighter, burrowing his face in his back. 

After a moment, Lance got used to the speed and the feeling of wind pressing against him. He loosened his arms from such a vice grip to a more sensible one and rested his chin on Keith's shoulder. 

A motorcycle ride didn't allow much in the terms of conversation, but it was exhilarating. The motorcycle itself was a rush, but being wrapped around Keith and being encompassed by him completely made it even better. 

When they got to the theater, Lance's legs were shaking a bit, but he felt good. Keith tucked away their helmets in the compartment under the seat before standing in front of Lance with a raised eyebrow. 

“You good?” 

“Got to hold onto you the whole time, so hell yeah.” 

The smugness on Keith's face vanished and left behind a red-faced expression of shock for a few moments before Keith chuckled and shook his head. “Cheesy.” 

“And you like it.” 

“Mm. Debatable.” 

Lance pouted and Keith laughed. He started walking toward the ticket booth and Lance fell into step beside him. He looked down at their hands then at Keith's face. He seemed nonchalant, his hands swinging idly beside him. 

Lance caught his hand with his pinky, caressing the back of Keith's with his fingers. Keith stopped walking and froze, staring at Lance with wide, confused eyes. 

“Do you mind if I hold your hand?” He flattened his palm out against Keith's, lining up their fingers and arching his eyebrow. 

He didn't answer. He just slipped his fingers between Lance's and kept walking, a blush creeping its way up his neck and along his cheeks. 

They got their tickets and went inside with thirty minutes to spare. Keith looked at Lance and smirked. “What do you wanna do for half an hour before we have to get in there?” 

“Well… there's an arcade. I love air hockey.” 

Keith laughed and let Lance lead him to the small arcade section. Lance bought some tokens and they made their way to the air hockey table. 

Within the first few seconds, Lance mercilessly hit the puck to bounce off the side and make it through the slot, scoring with a victorious whoop. Keith had pulled his hand back, instinctively trying to save his fingers from being hit. 

He stared at Lance with wide eyes, incredulous. Lance just smirked and shrugged. “I'm kind of the best at this game.” 

Keith narrowed his eyes, his lips pulling into a smirk. “We'll see about that.” 

Suddenly all Lance was focused on was the sound of the puck being hit, sliding between them almost at the speed of lightning, the way it zigzagged and bounced and flipped because of how hard it was being hit. 

More than once, one of them hit the puck hard enough to bounce out of the ring, causing the other to duck before being hit. The game was full of laughs, and indignant profanity and teasing. 

Not only that, but Keith proved to be good competition because it took forever for one of them to score. 

Lance had never played a single game of air hockey for half an hour until Keith. And the only reason they stopped was because the movie was about to start and the lines for concessions were getting long. 

“Obviously, I won, I'm two points ahead,” Lance said. 

“Oh really?” Keith grabbed the puck and shoved it through the slot before grabbing it again and repeating it, tying their score. 

“Wh- wa- that's cheating!” 

“Come on, pretty boy, we're gonna be late to the movie. Someone else can finish our game.” 

“I call for a rematch when we get out of the movie.” Keith snorted and nodded, nudging him playfully. Lance leaned into him, which made Keith stumble a bit before Lance caught his arm. “Whoa easy. Sorry.”

“N-nah, it's cool. Just wasn't expecting… I don't know what I wasn't expecting but… yeah, it's okay.” Lance chuckled and let his hand slide back into Keith's. “This is your first date with a guy right?” Lance nodded. Keith bit his lip. As they got in line for concessions, he added, “Mine too.” 

“What?” 

Keith ran his free hand through his hair. “I mean, sort of. Like, I only sort of dated one other guy and we sort of went out places because that's just what you do when you're with someone, you go places with them. It wasn't a big deal. I've never gone on a date with someone like this. Where we don't really know each other and we're not boyfriends and it was actually planned.” 

Lance stared at him for a while, fighting the urge to pull him into a kiss. Instead, he squeezed his hand. “Well, is this a good first date?” 

Keith hesitated, like he didn't want to answer. He looked at Lance for a second, something guarded in his eyes. Lance raised his eyebrows slightly, feeling a panic grip his entire being. Then Keith's face softened and he squeezed back. “Definitely. Competitive air hockey is the best first date.” 

Lance laughed and hid his face with his free hand. Then he lifted their interlocked hands to his lips and pressed a light kiss to Keith's knuckles. “Good.” 

Keith turned bright red and looked away, shaking his head. Then, because Keith was Keith, he paid for his own snacks refusing to even let Lance offer to cover it. 

By the time they made it into the theater, Keith was practically racing up the steps to get to their seats, anxiously waiting. Lance reached him and plopped down beside him. “The movie isn't even close to starting.” 

Keith gave him a sheepish smile and shrugged. “I like the trailers. I don't know why.” 

“Oh. Well if you'd told me that, we could've ended air hockey earlier.” Keith shrugged and opened his Sour Patch packet before focusing on the screen. 

Watching Keith watch a movie was fun in a subtle way. It made Lance notice some of the smaller nuances he had. He was more expressive watching something on screen. His eyes widened, he would bite his lip or smile widely, he'd knit his eyebrows together, he'd start tapping his fingers or shaking his foot. 

And Lance gathered all of that in the time it took for trailers to finish and the first ten minutes of Bohemian Rhapsody. It was unfairly endearing. 

After a while of watching the movie, Lance was waiting for Keith to make a move. Any move. Reach for the popcorn at the same time. Brush their hands together on the armrest. Lean in to rest his head on Lance's shoulder. Hell, even the yawn-arm-around-shoulders thing. 

None of it happened. Keith remained with his hands in his lap if Lance's hand was on the armrest. He didn't move if not to lean forward for a scene or shift his legs. 

It became clear that the inexperience with dates meant Keith was never going to make a move if Lance didn't. 

So the next time Lance got the armrest to himself, he moved it up and leaned a little closer to Keith. 

Keith stiffened and tilted his head toward Lance. “This okay?” Lance asked, pulling back slightly. Keith stared at him then nodded. Lance smiled and leaned into him again, resting his head on his shoulder. 

After a few moments, Keith stretched out his hand and turned it so his palm faced up. He didn't say anything, but the way his head tilted down slightly and hesitantly told Lance it was his way of trying to initiate handholding. 

Lance slipped his hand into Keith's and chuckled softly, his nose nudging Keith's cheek before he turned to focus on the movie again. 

He didn't want the movie to end. Because while it played it gave Lance an exclusive pass to notice things about Keith he wouldn't have if he wasn't pressed up against his side. Like the way he hummed along to the songs or the way his quiet chuckles reverberated in his chest and how he tended to move his shoulders when he laughed or the way he grunted when something he didn't like was said or happened. 

They stayed in their seats until the lights came up, the last bits of credits rolling. Lance lifted his head to look at Keith, their faces close enough that if he tilted his head slightly forward, their noses would bump together. 

“You make me nervous,” Keith admitted. Then his eyes widened as if he hadn't meant to say it aloud.

Lance held back a smile and simply hummed. “Why?” Keith shrugged and looked away, breaking the trance they'd been in. “Hey.” 

Keith looked back at him, looking tired and guarded again. “Yeah?” 

He bit his lip and gave him a smile. “We have that rematch for air hockey we should get to. No cheating this time.” 

Keith smiled and nodded, getting up and gesturing for them to leave. Lance followed and they went back to the arcade. As they walked to the air hockey table, Lance noticed another game he used to play all the time with his siblings. 

“How do you feel about dancing?” he asked. Keith froze and looked at Lance uncertainty. “I’m a king at that game, so I get if you don't wanna-” 

“You're on.” 

Lance laughed, enjoying the way Keith was easily riled up by competition. It was so easy to push his buttons. 

“Besides, I know you're doing this because you know I'll beat you at air hockey,” Keith added. 

Lance rolled his eyes. “As if. We can go back there once I win here.” Keith scoffed and got on his side of Dance, Dance Revolution. 

As the game started, Keith started losing immediately. Embarrassingly so. To the point where Lance was considering losing himself so it wouldn't be so bad. 

Then, just as Keith's screen flashing red, there was a sudden shift in points. All of a sudden, Keith's score was raising exponentially and Lance risked a look over at him.

And holy shit.  _ Holy shit.  _

Keith was smirking. Moving fluidly, even his arms and torso soon completely unnecessary but fitting choreography. 

Now it was Lance who was working to keep up.

“Dude what the hell?” 

Keith only laughed in response. 

Sure enough, Keith won the game. Lance didn't even have it in him to be embarrassed. He was too awestruck. And he knew that Keith had planned it from the moment Lance made it competitive. 

“What was that? How did you do that? You dance? Holy shit!” 

Keith chuckled and shrugged, running a hand through his hair. “Another thing you didn't know about me.” Lance smiled and nodded encouragingly, waiting for Keith to keep talking. “I… I used to tell Shiro and his parents that I was staying after school for the dance team so I could go hang out with some friends. We were sort of troublemakers. When Shiro found out, he made me  _ actually  _ join the dance team and would call the instructor to be sure I was there and everything. Ended up doing dance for my junior and senior year of high school and joining a club in my college.” He blushed slightly and nodded. “I actually really like dancing.” 

Lance chuckled, thinking back to Keith asking him if he danced then saying he didn't only for Lance to find him the next weekend dancing away. Lance wondered what was so special about himself that it warranted Keith lying just to get alone with him. 

“That's really cool. I dance a little, but I'm not great. My brother Marco is the one who can get all our cousins and aunts to dance at parties and gets to dance with all the girls when he goes to a club. I can pass, but like I said, I'm not great.” Keith nodded. “Man, I knew you danced a bit, but I didn't think you could do  _ that.”  _

Keith laughed and nodded. “I guess I should thank Shiro for being so petty.” 

Lance nodded in agreement. Then he asked, “So what kind of trouble would you get into?” Keith raised an eyebrow. “You said you and your friends were troublemakers.” 

“Oh. Yeah. Just. Dumb stuff. Like graffiti on the side of run down gas stations. Or skipping school to daydrink at the skatepark. Stupid stuff that makes you feel grown up when it's just proving you're not.” Keith said it a level of nonchalance that made it obvious he wasn't quite so nonchalant about it. He was looking at his feet as he walked. 

“Damn. If Shiro's protective with you about me, I can imagine how he was with that especially if you were a high schooler.” 

Keith winced and rubbed his neck. “Yeah….” 

Noting the way Keith was beginning to shut down again, Lance tried to steer the conversation elsewhere. Keith had a habit of indulging in some aspects of his past like he was anxious to share them then putting his guard up twice as quickly when he seemed to regret it. Lance didn't want him feeling like he had to divulge in his past if it made him uncomfortable, as much as Lance was dying to know him. 

“Well this one time, I tried stealing some gum from the store a neighbor had built into their house. I got caught though, and my mom made me give it back. I cried for like two hours.” He looked over at Keith who was giving him an incredulous expression. “I was also about eight years old,” he added. 

Keith broke into a smile and tilted his head back as he laughed so fully it made Lance's breath catch. Something about the way it built and reached his eyes and… it was perfect. 

“Wh-why a pack- a pack of gu-” he broke off into a fit of laughter, covering his mouth. 

Lance blushed and shrugged. “I don't even know. It was like $1.99, but I was so sure my mom wouldn't buy it for me if I asked, so I just…. I took it so my mom wouldn't feel bad for not being able to get it for me. I mean, obviously it was worse when she had to take me back to return it.” 

Keith's smile remained, but it wasn't as amused and gleeful. It was more… pensive. He looked at Lance and tilted his head, staring at him inquisitively. “You're something else, Lance.” 

“Thank you, I think?” Keith chuckled and nodded. “So do you like art? Drawing?” If Keith used to do graffiti, didn't that mean he was a good artist? Lance had seen some tags and art bits around the city. They were incredible, despite their shabby locations and the fact that some were painted over or blacked out. Maybe one of them was Keith's. 

“No. I was never any good. I only ever signed one of the graffiti pieces and…. I was mostly look out and company.” Lance nodded, figuring then that he should stop trying to guess which of the ones he liked were Keith's. “So what are your hobbies? You know I dance. That I like music and movies. That I used to cause trouble. What about you?” 

The question made Lance grimace as he kicked at the carpeted floor. “Um, well… I like movies too. And reading but just some books. I don't really… have a ‘thing,’ you know?” 

Keith narrowed his eyes and shook his head. “I think you do you just don't know what it is.” Something about the way he said made Lance feel special. He prayed it was true. 

After a moment, when Lance didn't answer, Keith said, “I'm kind of hungry. Want to get food?” 

Lance smiled and nodded. If Keith wanted to keep hanging out with him, that was a good sign, right? He wouldn't have offered if he was tired of him. 

He was led back to the motorcycle, and Lance slid his arms around Keith easily. “My mom would kill me if she knew I was on a motorcycle.” 

“Out of this whole situation,  _ that's  _ what she'd kill you for?” 

Lance frowned. “What do you mean?” Keith shook his head, smiled, and revved the engine. They were speeding off before Lance could ask anything else. 

It didn't hit him until they got on the highway. He was on a motorcycle while on a date with a boy. A boy he'd already slept with. If Mami knew all of that, she'd have thrown both her chanclas at him and ushered him into a confessional. Mami hated the idea of sex before marriage. She hated motorcycles. 

But Lance had no idea how she felt about two boys in a relationship. There was a variety of ways she could respond. She was a religious woman, and same sex relationships hadn't been talked about in their family. He'd heard her chastise his brother Luis once for using the word “faggot” as an insult once. And she told Papa not to stare when they saw two girls holding hands on the street, obviously not sisters. But while she hadn't talked badly about anything LGBT+ related, she hadn't exactly advocated for it either. Like it didn't exist until it did for a moment, and then it stopped existing again. 

If Lance went home and said he wanted to date a boy, what would she say? 

When they got to a Denny's parking lot, Keith parked the bike and sighed, taking his helmet off. “Sorry. I know I should stop bringing up the fact that I'm your first… everything with a boy. I-”

“It's okay. I get it,” Lance said a little sadly. “I'd be suspicious too if someone said something like that to me. And I don't know the details, but I gather something's happened before.” Keith's face tightened and he looked away, past Lance and toward the diner. “Honestly, I have no idea how my parents would react when I tell them about you. And yeah, thinking about it, I'm kind of scared, but that's not going to make me change my mind about you.” 

Keith's expression had changed halfway through talking. From guilty and frustrated to something soft and surprised. But he just gave Lance a smile and said, “I guess I was kind of lucky with coming out. Shiro came out to his parents when he was fifteen. So when they took me in, it wasn't a big deal.” 

As Keith got off the motorcycle, Lance let that new piece of information sink in. Then he got off and gave Keith his helmet, waiting until they were walking to the entrance before asking, “So, what'd you tell Shiro about me?” Keith raised an eyebrow, but Lance noticed how his neck flushed. “He was ready to tear me apart when I saw him Saturday night. Today he seemed kind of indifferent.” 

Keith rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I just… told him to lay off. I can take care of myself. And the fact that you asked me on a date made you a little more favorable, I guess.” Lance hummed and let the subject drop. 

Once they got seated, they bounced between small insignificant questions like favorite colors and newest favorite song to bigger stories. Keith, while still reserved, did tell Lance a little about his childhood. Like his first fight when he was seven, or when he found out he hated sports because they made him angry, or the day Shiro and his parents threw him his first birthday party. 

Lance told Keith a little about each of his siblings and about some of his favorite memories with them like the day they all went to the beach and nobody argued or fought for once because they were too busy swimming and burying their Papa in sand, and the day Lance came home with a scraped knee and a split lip because some kid pushed him on the way home and Marco and Luis had to be held back from going out to find the kid, and the day they all came with his parents to drop him off at college for his freshman year. 

“You really love your family,” Keith noted, swirling a piece of pancake in syrup. 

“You love yours, right?” Keith’s violet eyes flickered over to him. “Shiro and his parents. They’re your family. It’s a little smaller, and it’s a lot different, but it’s a family, and it’s yours.” Keith bit his lip. “Sorry. It’s not my place to say, I know, I just…. I’d hate for anyone to feel like they don’t have a family because it isn’t conventional. Just because you’re not related by blood, or because it’s a little broken or smaller or because you found it later in life… it doesn’t make that family any less important.” 

“You’re right,” Keith said. “They are my family. And I do love them, no matter how different. Shiro kept me on a good path. He looked out for me. His parents… they love me too, and I know that.” He sighed and tugged on his gloves a bit. “It’s just… kind of complicated. But it’s not first date information. More like third or fourth maybe.” 

Lance smiled at that. “Oh? Does that mean we’re having a third or fourth date? I’m not royally fucking this all up by asking the wrong questions?” 

Keith laughed and shook his head. “No, you’re good. And… maybe. This has been a pretty great first date, so… if you want a second one-”

“Yes, absolutely, I do, please.” Lance didn’t bother hiding his excitement. Keith just laughed and blushed a bit and kept eating. 

They stayed a good while after eating, talking a little more about the movie, about the food, about the things they already knew about each other. Keith was still careful about what he said, keeping it light by simply saying, “third date,” when something was too personal. 

“Can I ask you something?” Keith asked after they paid the checks and started for the motorcycle. Lance nodded. “What made you become interested in me? At that first party I mean.” 

Lance blinked then thought back. He thought of how he had been thinking that Keith was out of reach and enticing. How he hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off of him that whole night. He looked at Keith and smiled shyly. 

“I don't know exactly. Except that when I saw you, it was like everything about you was confident and sure. I just really needed to get close to you and it was weird because I didn't know how to. Then all of a sudden you came up to me.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “Why did you go up to me?” 

Keith took a breath and smirked. “Honestly? I noticed you looking at me. It was like you weren’t even at the party, you were just… observing. Then I went up to you and… you weren’t super confident and flirty like I thought you would be. It was like you were waiting on me.” 

“Is that a good thing?” 

“It was different,” he admitted. “Everything about you has been different.” That soft look came over his features again and Lance fought the urge to kiss him. He wasn’t really sure why he was fighting the urge, it wasn’t like they hadn’t done way more already…. But something about how different this was made him nervous. 

Keith wasn’t acting like he did when they met and slept together. That sexual energy wasn’t there. Instead, they were both nervous, excited even, taking small steps in exploration. Lance wanted to do this right, wanted to prove to Keith he was serious about him. And maybe Keith was still exploring what it was like to be with someone who wasn’t planning on throwing him away. 

Eventually, Lance wanted to see if Keith would explain to him. He wasn’t broken. He wasn’t sad. He was just guarded. Keith seemed to want to control how close someone got and when to turn them away, and it seemed like that’s what he’d always done. Lance wondered if he was the first to fight that. He wondered what experience made Keith begin needing that level of control and distance. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Keith asked, frozen under his gaze. 

Lance blinked, tethering himself back to reality. He smiled and shook his head. “Just really excited about this. You and me.” 

Keith’s cheeks flared and he cleared his throat, shoving the helmet at Lance. “Come on.”

They rode back to Keith’s place and Keith put the motorcycle back in the garage before closing it. He kicked at the gravel of the driveway and bit his lip. “So…. did you wanna come inside?”

Lance stepped forward and took his hand. “I know we’re not really doing this the traditional way, but… I wanna do this first date right for you. And I don’t sleep with someone on the first date.” 

“Then what’s next?” Keith asked with a smile. 

“Well. First dates call for me walking you to the door.” Keith raised an eyebrow and followed him to the front door. “My Papa drilled that into my head. I don’t think it’s different with a guy.” Keith chuckled and nodded. “And then… I tell you what a great time I had with you. And how I hope to see you again. And you say the same. But only if you mean it.” 

Keith had a cute way of smiling. When it was genuine, a smile he couldn’t hold back, he’d smile with his tongue between his teeth and a slight scrunch of his nose. He gave Lance one of those smiles and nodded. “I had a great time with you today. And….” He bit his lip and Lance felt his heart speed up in his chest, pounding through his ears. Keith stared at him for a while, and Lance hoped his hectic fear wasn’t evident on his face. “And I want to see you again.” 

Lance let out a sigh of relief and laughed at himself. “Thank God.” Keith laughed and squeezed his hand. “Okay. Now… what would usually be our first kiss.” Keith snorted and leaned forward slightly. 

Lance put a hand to the side of his face, brushing his thumb along his cheekbone. Keith stared at him with wide, indigo eyes that made Lance feel like he was flying. “I’m nervous for some reason,” Keith whispered. 

“I am too.” Keith gave him a timid smile before tilting his head. Lance licked his lips and leaned forward to press his lips against Keith’s. 

It was soft, gentle. It was a press of warm lips, hesitant and new because their previous kisses had been heated or rushed. This one was slow and tentative. 

Their lips didn’t stop touching, not quite ending the kiss but not kissing. Lance opened his eyes as Keith's fluttered open. And with that, their kiss transformed. 

Overwhelmed as he had been with their real first kiss, with the kisses shared in the confines of his bedroom, this one might have topped them all. 

He felt Keith’s hands slide along his torso, to the small of his back, bringing him closer before his hands slid to rest on his hips. His tongue licked along Lance's lips, sucking on his lip and biting gently. Lance cupped his face with both hands and pulled him nearer, losing himself in that scent of cologne and the sweetness of his lips. Part of him didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay and keep kissing Keith and keep holding him and fall asleep with him so he could wake up to him and see how that smile looked when he was just waking up. 

Keith pulled him forward, thudding against the wall behind him before maneuvering Lance’s hips so he was the one against the wall instead. Lance grunted and Keith pulled back slightly, leaving Lance to chase after his lips. 

They rested their foreheads against each other, breathing heavily, occasionally leaning forward for smaller kisses. “Are first date kisses always that intense?” 

Lance laughed and shook his head. “No. But that’s because I’ve been dying to kiss you all day.” That comment was rewarded with another relatively chaste kiss. Lance really didn’t want the night to end. “When can I see you again?” 

“You have my number and you know where I live. You can see me whenever you want.” Lance hummed and ran his thumb along Keith’s lip. “The dance club I’m in at the university is having a showcase performance Wednesday afternoon on campus. Everyone’s welcome. It’s kind of practice before the competition.” 

Lance smiled and tugged lightly on the hair at the nape of Keith’s neck. “Is this you inviting me to watch your performance?” Keith blushed, shrugged, then nodded. “I’ll be there.” He kissed Keith again then forced himself away. “Okay, I should go or else I’m going to keep you here at your door all night long.” Keith laughed and waved goodbye, watching Lance head back to his car. 

Lance stayed in his car, waiting for Keith to go inside before driving away. He couldn’t stop smiling. And the radio couldn’t stop playing love songs. 


	3. Addiction

Walking into the house felt like a haze. Keith couldn’t stop touching his lips and going over the entire date in his head.

Whenever Keith felt certain of what to do, Lance would do something and change the game plan. Keith had planned on being smooth and stoic the whole time, emitting the “bad boy” persona most people seemed to attribute to him. But then Lance was so unabashedly cheesy and sweet and romantic and… honest.

So he figured he could play into it. Flirt back, be corny like the movies. Only it didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel comfortable or natural. He’d done it before, but doing that with Lance on a first date just didn’t seem right.

Then he tried being honest. Which worked. Lance seemed eager to learn about him, and even when Keith panicked and regretted saying anything, Lance would ease off, patiently waiting for Keith to be okay with sharing. But being honest felt so vulnerable. It felt too trusting. And Keith didn’t want to trust Lance just yet.

But God, that had been… the best possible first date he could’ve had.

He liked the movie. And he liked the way he could always tell what Lance was thinking during it. He was pretty vocal, clipped laughs, scoffs, gasps, all of it. Keith never had to wonder what Lance thought about a certain part of the movie because Lance made it so clear. It was… cute.

And he definitely liked the arcade. Lance didn’t seem scared to challenge him, to test him. He definitely wasn’t about to let Keith win. But the look on his face when he saw Keith dance…. It was a look of pure astonishment and even joy. Like Keith had just let him in on a secret part of him, which he sort of had.

Dancing was important to Keith. It had saved him. It was something special and significant, and he enjoyed it. Even he was surprised when he told Lance about it.

The diner was fun, and that first date kiss had definitely left him weak-kneed.

But the part that was mostly standing out in Keith’s mind wasn’t in any of those places. It was in the parking lot of the diner. It was a split second. But it was the thing that had Keith entertaining the idea of… something more.

“Keith?” He heard a slight knock on his door before it opened. “How was the date?”

Keith smiled at the ceiling and sighed. “Good. Really good.” He sat up and looked at Shiro, hopeful and afraid. “I think he means it when he says he likes me.”

Shiro raised an eyebrow. Keith could tell he was apprehensive, but he wanted to be supportive. It wasn’t like Keith fell for people often. Obviously something merited his level of hope. “Come to the kitchen, I was making myself a coffee. Tell me how it went.”

Keith scrambled up and went on about the date, laughing as he recounted the challenge at air hockey and the dance game. He told Shiro how Lance always asked to be sure the physical contact was okay even with something as small as hand-holding. He told him about how Lance’s eyes lit up when he talked about his siblings or about Hunk and Pidge. He told Shiro how focused he got when Keith spoke, and how his knee was always bobbing up and down no matter what if he was sitting.

“He said he hadn’t really thought about what his parents would say about him liking a boy.”

“So he’s not telling them?”

Keith smiled and bit his lip. “He said, ‘I don’t know what my parents will say when I tell them about you.’ _When._ Not if. I think… I think he really means it, Shiro. I mean, he said he’s still kind of scared since he thought about it, but he wants to tell them, and… if he was just experimenting or something, there’s no way he would do that. Right?”

It was quiet for a bit as Shiro sipped his coffee and thought. Keith felt like he was going to explode. He wished someone could just tell him whether this would work or not so he would know whether to get excited or not.

“I mean, it’s one thing to say he’ll do something and another to do it. But the fact that he’s going to these lengths for you… yeah, I’d say he really means it, Keith. And he’s a big step-up, so….”

Keith rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. “Am I being stupid, Shiro? I mean, I know I barely know him, but it _feels_ different. Which is stupid to say because that's what they say in movies, and this isn't a movie-”

“Keith.” Keith stopped talking and looked at Shiro. He was smiling at him, his expression gentle maybe a little teasing. “You're 21 years old. This is the best time to be stupid. As your brother, yeah, I'm a little hesitant about this, but that's my job. You shouldn't worry. Maybe it's time you let yourself have a little fun in a healthier way. Get to know him, go on dates, don't be scared to be excited about this.”

“But… what if it goes bad? What's the point of being excited over something that ends up being a disaster?”

“What's the point of waiting for the worst in something that could be the best thing?” Shiro took a sip of his coffee through a smirk.

Keith huffed. “Now you're gonna get all philosophical.” Shiro laughed, and it eased Keith's nerves a bit. “I don't know. He's really sweet. I think he means what he says. I'm just scared that he's living in this bubble. Then once he tells his family or we argue he's gonna snap out of it and take it all back.”

“Maybe you should tell him that. Even if he says you're wrong, at least he'll know why you're holding back.” Keith shrugged. “Or maybe you can tell him what happened. About… you know… _him,_ and Roland.”

Even with one remaining unnamed, Keith couldn’t help the roll of fury that coursed through him. Followed by the shame and heartache. He couldn’t bear the idea of Lance’s name being added to that list of people. “Lance already knows I had a crappy past with people. He doesn’t need to know specifics.”

There was a sigh that made him look up from the table. “Everyone’s gotten their heart broken. Everyone’s had someone who broke their trust. I’m sure Lance has his own stories too. But it’s the specifics that can help him and you. If you’re really as excited about this as you seem to be, then you’ve gotta talk to him.”

“Maybe later. We barely had our first date,” Keith answered. He got up and gave Shiro a smile. “Thanks for talking with me. I’m kinda tired, so I’m gonna knock out.”

“Goodnight.” Keith waved and headed back to his room.

Like clockwork, about ten minutes after Keith had gone to bed, he heard Shiro’s door click shut. He heard the distant, muffled hum of a TV.

So Keith grabbed his headphones and opened his window. He climbed out, reminiscent of his teenager days at the Shirogane household. It wasn’t that he couldn’t go out whenever he wanted or that Shiro would get upset if he left. He just didn’t want Shiro worrying, wondering where he was going when Keith didn’t want to tell him.

He started walking along the sidewalk, following a path he would know blindfolded. It was quite a walk, but if he’d grabbed his motorcycle, Shiro would’ve heard him. Still, he trekked on, like he _needed_ to be there.

Until he reached a shabby gas station with a taco stand on one side, a smoke shop on the other. He walked to the back of the building where the dumpsters were, and knelt down to sit on his heels, balancing on the balls of his feet.

He stared up at the giant mural of a dragon and a griffin twirling around each other, roaring at each other. The griffin decorated with a golden glow and the dragon surrounded by flames. A lot of the graffiti Keith had witnessed being created were surprisingly well maintained. The hands that created them had been gifted and put a level of detail that even the biggest cynic would look at it and recognize it as art.

Just near the main highway, Keith had watched up to ten faces being sprayed throughout two weeks. A newborn baby, Marilyn Monroe, Frida Kahlo, an old friend, some famous general, an old woman with various wrinkles. A few others he didn’t know, but had been fascinated by all the same. Usually, anything graffitied by highway would get painted over. But not those faces.

Like those, this particular graffiti was also kept pristine despite the dumpsters being so near. It wasn’t as vibrant as it had been the evening it was created, but it wasn’t as faded as other graffiti and tags on other stores. Of course, no one dared to paint over it with new graffiti when they saw the signature.

Keith stared at the art, remembering the day it was made. He’d missed an exam in his AP Stats class that day, skipped lunch and AP Bio just to be there. He remembered chewing Starbursts as he sat on the ground, watching the way colors came together so easily. The way the forms of the bird and the dragon were created. He remembered playing music on his phone, listening to a soothing voice singing along and asking Keith to toss a water bottle now and then.

He hated how fond he was of those memories still.

Could he tell Lance about these memories? He was a college junior, and everything with… _him_ had happened in high school. But even after all this time, Keith couldn’t even say his name. And then there was Roland, and that just… ruined all progress Keith had made for moving on.

Now Lance came out of nowhere, being all gentlemanly and funny and… so honest. It was like the universe was apologizing for the assholes by sending Lance. Only, he was _too_ perfect. And that made Keith even more suspicious than if Lance had been a typical player-type.

Sometimes Keith wished he wasn't so broken. Wished he could throw himself into something without panicking and overthinking and fearing. But he also knew it was better this way. It kept him from being hurt. It helped him know what to expect, what to look out for.

He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and pulled it out.

_Hey I just got home! I had a really great time with you today. I hope I didn't push too much or anything. And if you want to hang out without it being a date I'd be down for that too!_

_But like only if you want to don't feel pressured_

_It's cool_

_But I do just fyi._

_Sorry, okay goodnight!_

Keith chuckled as he read the messages. He tapped his phone against his chin as he looked back at the graffiti. He took a deep breath and stared at his phone screen.

_I had a great time too. Thanks for a fun first date._

_And yeah. I'd like that too._


	4. Side Effects

It was a slow process, but it was still progress nonetheless. Lance stared at the text he received from Keith and smiled, trying to use it to tether himself in light of his friends’ mini-intervention. Though intervention was a word he was using because he was bitter. Logically, he knew they were just looking out for him. 

“Lance, maybe you should slow down a bit. You haven’t dated someone seriously… in a long time. And this is moving pretty fast.” 

Hunk nodded, agreeing with Pidge. “It’s great, buddy, and I think he’s pretty cool. And I know you mean the best with him, but… we both think you should slow down if this is gonna be serious.” 

“We’re not actually dating,” Lance said, frustrated. He didn’t like how condescending this conversation felt. He hated when Hunk and Pidge ganged up on him, even if it wasn’t their intention. 

“Right you just fuck and go on dates and text all the time,” Pidge said, crossing her arms. 

“We had sex one time!” Lance ran his hand through his hair and shook his head. “This isn’t gonna be like the girls I’ve been with okay? I’m not just looking to forget. He’s actually… I like him, guys. And it’s not like we  _ can  _ jump into anything. He’s pretty closed off too, so….” He sighed and put his face in his hands. “It would help if you guys stopped bringing it back up. I don’t want the rest of my life defined by what happened.” 

Hunk put a hand on his shoulder and gave him one of those puppy-dog smiles that made it hard to be angry with him. “We know, Lance. That’s not what we’re trying to do. We just want to do what we can so you can be happy.” 

Pidge moved to sit beside him and poked his cheek. “You're our best friend. We wanna look out for you.” Lance nodded and leaned into her. She wrapped her arm around him and rubbed his shoulder. “We’re gonna head out, but we’re still on for a study day tomorrow right?” Lance nodded. “Cool, we’ll let you know when we’re on our way.” 

As they walked to the door with Lance, Hunk turned and hugged him. “I’m really glad your date went well, buddy. I’m sorry if we’re coming off a little harsh.” 

“I know, I know. It’s ‘cause you love me. I’m just so loveable you don’t know what to do with me.” 

Pidge and Hunk rolled their eyes. But Hunk elbowed him lightly. “We really do, Lance. See you tomorrow.” Lance smiled after them as they left. 

He grabbed his phone and smiled at that last text again as he walked to his room. 

_ And yeah. I’d like that too.  _

Lance sighed happily and plopped down onto his bed. If he closed his eyes he could still feel Keith’s lips against his own. He could still feel the ghost of his hand intertwined with his. Still feel the way those violet eyes made him feel like he was floating. 

Maybe Hunk and Pidge were right, and he was rushing into this a little fast for someone who hadn’t had a real relationship in over a year. But he couldn’t help what he felt. And at that moment, Lance really missed Keith. 

\--

The next day, Lance couldn't help himself. He messaged Keith and asked if he wanted to come over. To his pleasant surprise, Keith said yes.

He had been tidying up an already clean living room, trying to rid himself of the anxious energy he felt. When he heard a knock on the door, he nearly tore it off its hinges to open it. 

There he was. In a sweatshirt and black jeans, hair pulled into a tiny ponytail at the nape of his neck, eyes soft and curious. A small smile played on his lips as Lance looked at him. “You gonna let me in?” 

“Yeah, of course, come on.” Lance stepped aside to let Keith in. He was looking around, eyes drawn to the decorations of the room. A few kid projects from his niece and nephew hung on the walls, a family picture in the living room, one of him with Hunk and Pidge near the front door, a few acrylic paintings he'd gotten at a garage sale. 

He let Keith wander and soak it in, watching as his pretty eyes flit around. Until they rested on Lance along with a smirk. “It feels homey in here.” 

“Yeah, well, my home away from home. My parents are just an hour's drive, but still.” He shrugged and walked toward Keith, waving the remote in his hand. “Wanna watch something? What kind of series do you like?” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and followed him to the couch. “Uh, anything funny or creepy, I guess.” Lance raised an eyebrow. Keith sat beside him as rigid as he had been at the theater, though closer. Lance scrolled through shows and movies until one caught Keith's attention and started playing it. 

Just like at the movies, Lance waited for Keith to make some kind of first move. He figured Keith might find it easier after their date. Except, like on their date nothing happened. 

So he leaned over and laid his head on Keith's shoulder. This time though, he didn't stiffen up. He seemed to relax and one hand came up to Lance's cheek, fingertips brushing his skin gently. 

“I've been expecting you to kiss me since I walked in the door,” Keith admitted. Lance pulled away and looked at him. He was red in the face, but his expression was steady. 

“You know, you can kiss me too. Sometimes I'm waiting on you to make a move so I know you're interested and not just here because I wanted you to-” 

He felt lips crashing against his own before he could finish and melted into it. Drawn to him, he followed until he was laying over him, still kissing him in a way that made Lance crave more. More intensity more ferocity. 

“I am interested,” Keith breathed out. “I'm just not good at this. It's new.” 

Lance nodded and traced a finger over Keith's lips. “I know,” he whispered. 

Then he leaned down and connected their lips again, fueled by the way Keith's hands gripped his sides. 

Keith rocked his hips up and Lance pulled away from the kiss in favor of a gasp. Undeterred, Keith leaned up to press open mouthed kisses along his neck. Lance grunted and leaned in to nuzzle against Keith, shivering at the feeling of his teeth grazing the sensitive skin of his neck. 

“A-ah, K-Keith. Keith, wait.” Lance pulled himself up with his arms and looked at Keith sheepishly. “I don’t… have anything… for us to….” 

Keith raised an eyebrow. “Fuck?” Lance choked on air and turned red, making Keith laugh. He pulled Lance back down, kissing him with a tenderness that made Lance’s heart stutter. “That’s okay. I like this too.” 

“Yeah?” he asked with a shy smile. Keith looked up at him and smiled one of those genuine smiles that made his nose wrinkle as he nodded. Lance leaned down and kissed him again, letting the peaceful sensation overwhelm him. He hadn’t felt that in so long. 

And maybe it was because Hunk and Pidge brought it up, or maybe it was because they were right, or maybe Lance’s head was just getting away from him but… remembering that last time ruined this one. 

He pulled away, brushing his lips against Keith’s, but not kissing him, trying to silence the memories, trying to quell the emotions that were trying to break through after so long. 

“Are you okay?” 

Lance opened his eyes and stared at Keith, tethering himself back to reality. A gentle thumb came up to the space between his eyebrows, smoothing out the crease. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” Lance sighed. “Just… tired, I guess.” 

“Should I go-?” 

“No!” Keith chuckled and ran his hands through Lance’s hair, cupping his face. Lance shut his eyes again. “Don’t go. Could you just… stay? Please.” 

Keith nodded and Lance laid down against him, his head tucked just under Keith's chin. He brought his arms in under his body as Keith's wrapped around his waist. 

He could hear the television as it slowly became an incomprehensible hum, muted by the steady thump of Keith's heart, the sound of his breathing. 

It was quiet for a long while. After about half an episode, Keith shifted and grunted slightly. Taking a cue, Lance started to get up so he could get off, but Keith's hands pressed against his side to shift him. Keith turned slightly and pulled Lance in so he wasn't on top of him, but next to him, facing each other. 

He chuckled slightly and Lance raised an eyebrow in confusion. Keith put a leg over Lance's and moved his hand to run down his arm. “You're very long limbed.” 

“Um. Sorry?” 

Keith snorted and shook his head. “It's just funny seeing you try to accommodate.” 

Lance blushed and cleared his throat. “I'm not used to being the little spoon.” Keith's arms started to loosen, so Lance quickly added, “But I like it. Feels nice.” 

He felt Keith's arms tighten around him again and smiled. “Did you want to turn so you could see the television?” 

“Mm, no, I'm watching something way better.” 

That precious, deep red blush soaked into Keith's cheeks, making him bury his face in Lance's shoulder as he groaned. “Don't say things like that, I don't know what to say to them.” 

Lance smirked and tilted Keith's face back to look at him. “You don't have to say anything. I just love seeing how flustered you get.” Keith narrowed his eyes and grumbled, so Lance gave him a kiss. Sure enough it made Keith's expression soften and Lance smiled widely. 

He tangled himself fully around Keith and curled in further, shutting his eyes as he took in the mix of scents that always stuck with Keith. Fruity bubble gum, sweet cologne, a vague smell of grass from him riding his motorcycle, and something that gave Lance a cozy feeling, though he couldn't place it. 

After a while, Lance began to drift to sleep. He woke himself back up when he started hearing her voice. But he was suffocating under the strength of his sleepiness. He could only move slightly, to which Keith responded to by letting him go slightly so he could move before wrapping his arms back around Lance when he was done. 

He was at a state where he could only consciously recall he had been dreaming for a few seconds, only have a split coherent thought that he had to get up before he was slipping into foggy dreams again. 

Reality was distorting. “Lance, you know I don't like being the big spoon,” she giggled. 

Lance flinched, opening his eyes, seeing her for a moment before he heard Keith's voice. “Lance? You okay?” Fighting through the muggy feeling, he realized he'd woken up inside a dream, and woke up in real life feeling panicked and heavy. “Lance, hey, what is it?” 

Lance looked at Keith and shook his head. “Nightmare. Sort of.” He tapped his finger against the design of his sweatshirt.

“I used to get those a lot. When I was little. One of my foster moms did this thing where she sat with me and told me stories until I fell asleep. But she could do these cool shadow puppets so I'd watch them and listen to her until I could fall asleep again.” 

Lance smiled, tracing the outline of the logo on the sweatshirt. He liked when Keith let him in on tidbits of his past. But he also knew he had to be careful. “She sounds nice. Why did they move you from that home?” 

It was quiet for a moment and Lance wondered if he'd fucked up. Then he said, “Her husband didn't want to keep fostering. So they sent us to new homes. It kind of messed with my head and….” He shrugged, but Lance noticed the way the arm around him tightened just a bit. 

“You said you've been with Shiro’s family since high school, right?” Keith nodded. “They seem to care about you a lot. Why didn't they adopt you?” Keith pulled back a bit, leveling himself with Lance. His jaw was set, his eyes searching for something in Lance. “Sorry. If you don't wanna talk about that-” 

“It's okay. I just….” Keith sighed, and his eyes focused on the TV behind Lance. “They did want to. I didn't. It hurt them a lot when I said that, but….” He grimaced. “There’s a lot about me and my past you still don’t know. And I want to tell you, I think. Just not… now.” 

Lance tilted Keith's face back to him. He smiled and kissed him lightly. “Yeah, I get it. Take your time. I’ll be here.” 

His eyes softened. One of his hands hesitated as the back of his knuckles brushed along Lance’s cheek. The touch was soft and Lance couldn’t help but close his eyes against it, his hand fisting into his sweatshirt. 

Then in a hoarse whisper, Keith said, “If you want to sleep, I could tell you one of the stories I was told when I was little. I can't do shadow puppets, but it could keep the nightmares away.” 

Lance smiled widely and hummed. “That'd be nice.” So he snuggled in closer, and let Keith's voice wash over him as he began to spin a story together. Something about a sick dragon king and a turtle making friends with a rabbit, but needing the rabbit’s liver. Keith’s voice was becoming slower, softer, and Lance fell asleep when the rabbit went underwater with the turtle. 

It took Keith shaking him to wake up. “There’s someone at your door, and I think it’s your friends,” he said, his voice hoarse, like he’d been asleep too. “They’re-”

“ _ Lance answer your fucking phone! Open the door I gotta pee!”  _

Yeah, that was Pidge. And the incessant knocking was doubled which meant they were both knocking. Lance grumbled and rolled off the couch and onto the floor. “Coming!” he shouted.

He went to the door and barely managed to open it before Pidge was zipping inside. “Hey, Lance.” She ran toward the corridor, shouting a “Hey, Keith!” over her shoulder before she disappeared into the bathroom. 

“Keith?” Hunk walked in and Lance went to sit beside Keith who was now sitting up, looking sheepish, with his hair all mussed and sticking out. “Oh, hey man.” 

“Hi.” Keith looked at Lance and arched an eyebrow. “Should I go…?” 

“You can stay if you want. We’re just gonna do homework.” He took his hand and gave him a smile. “Your choice.” 

Keith looked at their hands then at Lance. He nodded and squeezed his hand back. “Okay. You’re a heavy sleeper, by the way.” 

“Oh, man, trust me we know,” Hunk said, dragging Lance’s table closer to the couch. “He used to sleep through me and Pidge’s video game nights. And uh…. Pidge can get pretty loud.” 

“Why is my name coming up in conversation?” Pidge asked coming back into the room. She grabbed one of Lance’s throw pillows to kneel on the floor.

“It’s not my fault! I had to adapt to sleeping through vacuums and screaming kids and loud music for cleaning day. Hispanic parents have no respect for weekend mornings. I learned to sleep through it to  _ survive!”  _ He heard Keith’s muffled laughter and couldn’t help the warm fuzzy feeling bursting in his chest. 

As per usual when they arranged study sessions, they got sidetracked. Whether by the show they were watching on Netflix which they all swore wouldn’t distract them since they’d seen in before, or by the prospect of food when they all conveniently got hungry less than half an hour into the study session. 

After ordering a pizza and watching a rerun of Dr. House on Netflix, Lance and Hunk were watching eagerly as a debate bounced back and forth furiously between Keith and Pidge. Keith had made a comment about how House was still good at his job despite the lack of ethics and morality. Meanwhile Pidge was debating that just because he got the answers, it didn’t make him a good doctor due to his intentions. 

Lance heard the phrases  _ Kantian ethics, Utilitarianism,  _ and the  _ Hippocratic Oath.  _ Debating on what House’s intentions were and whether they excused his actions or not. On top of trying to dissect his personality overall by picking him apart psychologically, and whether those facts merited a say in House’s overall worth as a doctor. 

Lance enjoyed the show because of the witty sarcasm and mystery. Seeing it getting picked apart like this usually annoyed him, but that was typically was usually the only one with an extensive say. So he usually just nodded or let her talk herself out like a good friend. Hunk watched it because he liked medical shows, but even he didn’t pick it apart as much as Pidge because he figured it was all for drama and there were plenty of plotholes anyway in the medical areas. 

Now, Keith- who had apparently binged the show and then rewatched all eight seasons- was providing an entertaining moment. People didn’t usually challenge Pidge. Except for Hunk when it came to their engineering or computational classes, it just didn’t happen. And everyone knew it was best not to challenge her. If it was academic, she’d wipe the floor with what remaining dignity the person had left. If with anything else… well her blackout the week before served as proof of just how far she was willing to go to rise to a challenge. 

So this was… more than interesting. Especially when there was a lull in conversation on Pidge’s end. Lance could practically see the theories in her head, trying to pick apart Keith’s latest argument. 

Hunk leaned over and whispered, “Did he just break Pidge?” 

“I have no idea,” Lance whispered back, watching carefully. Keith was chewing pizza. Pidge was tapping her finger incessantly against her chin. 

And then suddenly she was off. She started talking a mile a minute, practically speaking an entire dissertation over… a TV show. When she finished talking, Keith smiled and said, “I think you have the outline for your ethics paper now.” 

Pidge stuttered before her eyes glazed over and widened. “Oh my God! Thank you!” She turned to her computer and began typing furiously.

After staring at Keith incredulously, he turned to them and blushed slightly. “Um. I minored in philosophy because the classes interested me.” 

“God you’re amazing,” Lance said in a low breath. Keith turned even redder and Hunk cleared his throat before turning to the homework he’d been procrastinating on. 

“So uh, Lance, how come you’re not at the same school as us?” Keith asked. 

“I got a full ride to the one I’m at. I did get accepted to yours, but it was more expensive and I’d have had to pay some out of pocket. With Vero, Marco, and Luis in their own stuff, there’s no way my parents could’ve afforded that. But it’s cool I still roomed with Hunk off campus for the first year and we’re all still close enough that we still hang out.” He shrugged and turned the page on the reading he had to do. He was sitting on the floor, just beside Keith’s legs, and he leaned his head over against his knee. After a moment, Keith’s hand began to sift through his hair and Lance smiled.

Suddenly Hunk groaned loudly, scrolling through something on his laptop. Lance nudged him with his foot and raised an eyebrow. “I hate group projects. I always get the slackers. It’s like my professor thinks I can get them to get their shit together. This one girl, Flora, she’s been ‘sick’ all weekend, which basically means she’s been hungover. Roland is doing what he always does and basically having one of us do the work he’s supposed to do while passing it off as his own. And this other guy, Blake, is just not answering anyone. This thing is a  _ final,  _ who in their right mind-” He broke off with another frustrated growl. 

Pidge ruffled his hair. “Easy, Hunk. Just do your part. And log all the activity and lack thereof from everyone else. I’m sure if you show your professor, they won’t count it against you.” Hunk seemed to relax a bit before shutting his computer off. “Also, Flora’s lazy, Roland’s an asshole, and Blake is usually just getting high, I have no idea how he’s managed to make it to senior year.” 

“Roland Norman?” Keith asked. 

Pidge and Hunk turned to him. “Yeah, you know him?” 

“Had him for class my sophomore year. He was a slacker then too. Good at twisting things so everyone else but him was to blame. He’s also part of the dance team.” 

Lance huffed and shook his head. “It’s so unfair how some people struggle so much to get through school, and then there’s jerks like that who can just breeze through piggybacking on other people.” 

Hunk sighed and rested his head on the table. “I’m just gonna email my professor once I cool off. I’m gonna send them all one more text to get their work done and then it’s their fault if they don’t. I’m too tired to deal with this.” 

Hunk got up and headed to Lance's kitchen, probably ready to find something to bake to cool down. Lance usually had some form of brownie, cake, or cupcake mix that Hunk would add his own flare to. Sure enough, Lance heard him rummaging in cabinets and pulling out kitchenware. 

“What's he-?” 

“Hunk likes making food desserts are his de-stresser,” Pidge said, pushing her glasses up her nose. 

Lance noticed Keith trying to catch a glimpse over the counter to the kitchen where Hunk was messing around. He tapped his arm and smiled when Keith looked down at him. “You can go help him if you want. Hunk likes company in the kitchen, and you're the only one without homework.” 

Keith hesitated, but then Hunk said, “Who's joining me? Wash your hands!” 

“Well, okay.” Keith got up and shrugged as he went to the kitchen. Lance watched him as Hunk immediately put him to work greasing down a pan and pulling out ingredients. 

Over the chatter of Hunk talking about tricks he learned from his mom and the background noise of the television, he returned to his reading. He tore off a bit of the corner as Pidge said, “He's pretty cool even outside a party setting. He's smart, I a-”

She stopped when he put the paper on her laptop. 

_ She's in my dreams again. _

Pidge’s eyes widened slightly and she looked up at him, worry greasing her eyebrows. She pulled out her own blank sheet and scribbled onto it, giving it to him before she started talking about some movie they'd watched the month before. 

_ Don't go down that hole again. We didn't mean to bring it back up. You seem to really like this guy and he could be good for you. _

Lance chewed on his lip before responding. 

_ I do like him. I just don't want to feel guilty. _

When he handed that one over, Pidge dropped the facade and leaned in closer. “Lance, there's nothing to be guilty about. Don't do that to yourself.” 

“I don't wanna fuck this up,” he whispered. 

“So talk to him.” 

“It's a slow process!” 

They heard Keith laughing and turned to see Hunk pointing a batter covered spatula at him. 

“Please don't kill him, I like him,” Pidge said, easily integrating into the mood. Lance on the other hand had to take a second to pull himself back into the moment. 

Soon enough, the smell of warm chocolatey brownies filled the apartment and Hunk and Keith came back to the living room. Hunk looked much more relaxed now. As Keith moved around to sit beside Lance on the floor, Lance quickly shoved the paper with Pidge’s response into a random page in his textbook. 

Keith sat down, his side pressed against Lance’s. “Are you going home for the holidays, Lance?” Hunk asked. 

“Probably for Christmas and New Year’s. But they’re just an hour away, and they’re giving my room to my  _ abuelitos  _ so I don’t really wanna go back to sleep on a couch,” he said. “What about you guys?” 

“My parents are coming up. Matt is like, twenty minutes away from me, so it’s just easier to reconvene here,” Pidge said. 

“I’m going back but not until the week of New Year’s.” Hunk looked at Keith and smiled. “What about you?” 

“Uh, Shiro’s parents live here, so we just drive over whenever.” He shrugged. Lance could tell there was something he was holding back, something making him recoil a bit. But before Lance could steer the conversation, Keith said, “Are you guys going to the dance showcase?” 

“I’ve heard of it being talked about, but I wasn’t really planning on it. Are you? Wait, are you on the dance team?” Keith nodded and Hunk smiled. “Whoa that’s cool! Yeah, I’ll go.” 

Lance slipped his hand into Keith’s, and Keith only let his eyes flicker over to him for a moment before returning to the conversation.

There was a part of him that desperately wanted to curl into Keith, to wrap his arms around him and find solace in the embrace. He wanted to be kissed by him to soothe the unease in his chest, wanted to feel certain that Keith would be first to reach for him. But he knew that wouldn’t happen. Because Keith always waited on a cue. Because they weren’t even dating, they were just… in a weird space in the middle where they were pulled to each other but still too much of a stranger to the other to merit the term  _ boyfriend. _

It was so confusing because they’d already spent a party making out and holding hands in front of Hunk and Pidge. Now it felt stiffer. It felt uncertain. It felt like there were boundaries that had to be discovered slowly. 

Somewhere around midnight, Hunk and Pidge left, leaving Keith and Lance alone. After a bit of quiet TV watching, just sitting beside each other, Keith turned to Lance and touched his arm lightly. 

“Um. Are you okay? You're kinda quiet.” 

Lance looked back at him, the unease in his eyes darkening them. “Yeah, I'm okay.” Keith frowned, turning his body fully to face Lance. He looked frustrated, though Lance wasn't sure why. “What?” 

After a moment of hesitation, Keith said, “You just seemed to get a little distant after a while and I don't know why. Did I do something or are you not comfortable being around me with Hunk and Pidge-” 

“Wha- hey!” Lance sat up straighter and reached for Keith's hand. “That's not it at all. C'mon Keith, don't you at least know me a little better than that by now?” Keith's jaw clenched, his eyes narrowed. “Hunk and Pidge both know how much I like you. And who do you think I blathered to about our first date and everything else?” 

His expression eased up and he sighed, shoulders slouching. “Then what happened?” 

Lance touched his cheek lightly. “I just don't know what you're comfortable with. I mean, we aren't official, so I don't know what you want when we're around other people. You don't initiate anything, and I don't want you feeling like you have to because I do-” 

“Wait, you're confusing me,” Keith interrupted. “Initiate anything?” 

“Like… hand holding and… I don't know if I get too close sometimes or…. I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to.”

“We've already had sex, Lance-” 

“That doesn't matter!” Lance stood up and started pacing. “These are different circumstances. You still thought I was gonna ditch. I don't know what you like and what you don't like, and I don't want to always be the one that has to make a move first.” 

It was quiet for a moment. Lance stopped pacing to look at Keith. 

He was rigid, on the edge of the couch. His eyes were set on a random point on the wall, narrowed. Lance felt a wave of guilt wash over him.

Then he took a deep breath, and his eyes moved to the table. “Lance, I don't mind when you get touchy and affectionate. And I'm sorry if I'm not reciprocating it the way you want but….” His jaw clenched and his hands curled into fists on his lap. “I don't know how this works, so I  _ am  _ taking cues from you. There is still a part of me that thinks you don't really want this, and I'm waiting on you to realize it, so it's easier to just… mirror whatever you do.” His eyes flickered back to him, distraught. 

Again, Lance wanted to know who had left him so broken he was still messing with pieces of whatever past he'd had. What would it take for Lance to prove himself? “So… you thought my pulling away was… me starting to not want you around.” Keith shrugged then rolled his eyes and nodded. The sequence of those things made Lance wonder what he was thinking. It was like he was having a sort of conversation with himself. Maybe he was. He seemed to be picking his words carefully. 

More than anything, Lance wanted to know what was going on in his head. What was he holding back? What made him decide to say one thing, and not another? He was being more transparent than he had been in the past, and Lance wanted to know why. Keith was obviously someone who didn’t like vulnerability. And yet, he was letting Lance in a little. That meant something. 

Lance sat on the table in front of Keith and cupped his face. “Okay. So… you don’t mind if I do couple-y things around other people even if we aren’t a couple?” Keith stared at him for a second before shaking his head slowly. “Okay. I’ll keep that in mind. But can you also maybe try to… take  _ me  _ by surprise sometimes? I just wanna be sure you’re still into this too. Whatever it is.” 

Keith let out a huff and Lance could feel the way his jaw tensed under his hands. “Okay. I can try, but I can’t promise I’ll be good at it. I’m not  _ used  _ to this. I’m not used to you.” 

“I know,” he whispered. 

Violet eyes scanned his features and suddenly Keith was pulling back, pushing Lance’s hands away. “Don’t do that! Don’t feel bad for me. Pity… pisses me off. I’m fine.” Lance blinked in surprise, frozen as Keith crossed his arms, staring him down. “Whatever bullshit I dealt with made it way harder for me to get hurt now, and that’s a good thing, I think. So don’t look at me like a kicked puppy.” 

Lance smiled and started laughing. Keith looked at him like he was crazy, but Lance couldn’t stop laughing.

The guy sitting in front of him was so unpredictable, so easy to tip from one side to another. It was easy to make him blush, and Lance had no idea what things would make him start shutting down, much less what things would make him get defensive or aggressive. It was kind of fascinating seeing how many emotions Keith could feel, and how sudden they could happen. He liked that he was getting to see them. 

He liked that Keith was unafraid to show him. He liked how much this beautiful person seemed to feel.

“You’re incredible,” Lance said with a smile, moving his hands to simply take Keith’s. 

Keith raised an eyebrow at him, but Lance just kept smiling. Again, Keith pulled his hands away. But this time, he hooked a finger in the collar of Lance’s shirt, pulling him forward. When they were close enough that their noses were brushing, Lance waited, eyes falling to Keith’s lips and up to his eyes.

Finally, Keith closed the space and kissed him. Slowly at first, unsure. Then a little more confidently, his hand slipping to the nape of Lance’s neck to bring him in. Lance let himself be pulled forward until he was fumbling off the coffee table and onto his lap. He was practically draped over Keith, their kiss never stopping, but building and building. 

Keith's experienced mouth reminded him of that first kiss making him melt under the attention and the touches. His arms wrapped around Lance's torso, hugging him close as he sucked on his lower lip. 

“Keith….” Keith hummed, but Lance only returned to the kiss with more fervor, more intensity. 

His arms unwrapped themselves, hands favoring going under his shirt instead. His thumbs rubbed circles into Lance's sides, making Lance shiver. 

“Do you want to stay the night?” Lance asked on a single breath. He bit his lip and looked down at Keith who looked a little surprised. 

A small smile played on his lips as he brushed them over Lance's. “I would but I have a dance practice early in the morning. And then in the evening. I left my stuff back home.” Lance grumbled which made Keith chuckle before he groaned. “Which means I should probably go before it gets later. You're coming Wednesday, right?” 

“Yeah, absolutely. I wanna see you in your element.” Keith laughed at that, his hands pulling away from Lance's body to interlock with his. “So you gotta go?” 

“Mhm.” Except he didn't move. He kept touching his nose to Lance’s. Lance smiled at him and pecked his lips lightly. Then he leaned lower, trailing his lips along his jaw, down to his neck. He heard a soft gasp and one of his hands moved to rest on his thigh. “What are you doing, pretty boy?”

Lance smiled at the nickname, responding by sucking against the skin and swirling his tongue, biting just hard enough to make Keith grunt, his grip on one hand and his thigh tightening. “You mind?” Keith shook his head, tilting his head to give Lance space. 

The pale skin was his canvas to create bouquets of hyacinths, and Lance quickly got to work, marking him up as much as possible. He wanted to make him stay, he wanted to make Keith think of him even when he wasn’t near, he wanted the people who saw him tomorrow to know someone had done this to Keith. He wanted them to wonder, wanted to show anyone else who might have wanted him that Keith wasn’t theirs. 

And maybe Keith wasn’t his either, but he was this much closer than them. Keith was letting him do this. 

“ _ Lance,”  _ Keith breathed out. Lance could feel a bulge against the inside of his thigh and he smiled. He wasn’t any better, but he liked knowing what he did to Keith. 

“So you can think of me,” Lance whispered in his ear. 

Keith chuckled and touched his face lightly. “You have no idea,” he said softly. Lance’s eyebrows rose, and Keith blushed slightly, shrugging. Lance knew that he wasn’t going to get anymore information from him. Then he squeezed his legs and said, “I really do need to leave, pretty boy.” 

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” he grumbled. He got off of him and walked him to the door. 

Keith turned to him as he stood in the hallway and bit his lip. “If you get more nightmares, you can call me. If you want.” 

A weight dropped in Lance’s stomach, but he plastered a smile on his face, fighting the guilt that began to sprout through his veins. “Yeah. Thank you.” Keith nodded and hesitantly leaned forward to kiss him one more time. 

“Goodnight, Lance.” 

“G’night,” Lance whispered. Keith smiled and started walking down the hallway. Lance shut the door and locked it, sighing as he leaned his head against the table. “I just want to move on. Please.” He walked to his room and toward his closet. 

At the top back corner, there was a battered old black and blue shoebox. He pulled it out, afraid to open it, but needing something tangible. So many memories he couldn’t bring himself to throw out were in that box. Memories he thought he’d made his peace with. Until he heard her laugh, heard his name on her lips again in a stupid dream. 

Maybe it was unhealthy to hold on to something like this. But Lance didn't know what to do with the guilt. Pidge was right, he had nothing to be guilty about. So why couldn't he shake the feeling? 

Part of him wanted to tell Keith. To explain a bit and maybe get some sort of reaffirmation from him. But then… Keith hadn't told him about his own dating history. He wanted to know Keith really trusted him before indulging his own past. 

He stared at the box for a second before putting it back in its place and retreating to his bed. 

He met a very attractive guy. They liked each other. Something good was coming out of this. Lance didn't have to keep looking back. 


	5. Addiction

The night before felt like a blur. After leaving Lance’s apartment, Keith was so dazed and tired, he only knew he’d made it home and somehow managed to get to his bed to fall asleep. He was still thinking about Lance and the taste of his lips and the warmth of his hands on his face and the way his smile lit up his face. It was all he could think about, like some high schooler bitten by a love bug. 

Even as he fell asleep, he found himself already missing Lance’s warmth beside him. 

By morning, he was rushing to get to school on time, shoving his extra clothes into his gym bag and speeding down the streets. He managed to find parking that wasn’t too far from where they held their dance practices, and he ran into the building, taking the stairs two at a time. 

When he got inside, everyone was still stretching. He left his stuff by the wall and went to stretch beside Alexa. She had asked him to help her with her duet performance, and over the course of the rehearsals, he’d come to find he enjoyed her company. She was quiet and reserved, so being around her meant Keith could pretend he was more social than he was without actually being so. 

She looked up at him when he plopped beside then did a double take, a smirk playing on her face. 

“I take it you had fun last night?” 

“Huh?” 

Alexa snorted and raised her eyebrows. “The hickeys on your neck. I mean, either that, or you’re  _ very  _ kinky.” 

Keith felt his face turn red faster than he would appreciate as he recalled Lance kissing his neck. He hadn’t actually given himself time to look at himself in the mirror, so he’d forgotten. He pulled his phone out and used his camera to see himself. 

“ _ Lance!”  _ he growled, taking in the dark splotches of purple, fuschia, and almost bluish bruises blossoming on his pale skin. They look almost painful, but… there was definitely no pain when he was receiving them.

“They match your eyes,” Alexa offered, bending forward to wrap a hand around her foot. “Who’s Lance?” 

Keith stowed his phone away and shrugged. “A friend.” Alexa snorted at that and shook her head, not bothering to press. 

She got up and bent over, touching the floor with her palms flat on the ground. “When you're done stretching get to me so we can go over the dance. We get to practice our individual ones before group today.” 

Keith nodded, and she walked away to a back corner. As he stretched his legs, he grabbed his phone and took a picture of Lance’s handiwork, sending it to him with the caption;  _ You really went for it huh?  _

He saw the instructor come in and quickly pocketed his phone. He doubted Lance was even awake yet. The guy never answered a text until nearly ten or eleven depending on the day of the week. 

Once he was done stretching, he got up to rejoin Alexa. She didn’t really speak, Keith just took his spot sitting in front of her, mirroring her position. Just like that, Alexa began counting, and Keith was working off of muscle memory, keeping up with her in the movements, scoffing at the occasional, “Don’t drop me!” 

A lot of the dance depended on him being able to hold Alexa’s weight as well as his own, and really, that was Alexa’s doing. It was part of the reason she chose Keith as her partner. He was nimble enough to make the dance as graceful as her, but strong enough to hold her up. So he wished she had a little more faith in his ability to keep her from falling to the ground. 

Sure enough they made it through the dance without losing their balance like they used to when they were first figuring it out. Before they could go over it again after talking out some rough parts and tweaks, the instructor called the whole group together. There weren’t many of them. Their dance team only consisted of 12 people. Keith supposed it was because most other dancers had outside groups or were part of the theater major. 

After a few rambles- and a keen side-eye from her- the instructor turned on the stereo and music sounded through the room. Everyone immediately took their spots and Keith narrowed his focus to the beat of the music, the automatic counting in his head, the movement of his limbs. 

It didn’t even matter that Roland was beside him in this formation. Not when he was dancing. When Keith danced, he was more in control of himself and his body than ever. Nobody could take that from him. Not even Roland. 

As the music ended, another song replaced it. Three more songs left Keith sweaty and thirsty, his muscles warm and tired. Before he could let himself rest, he went to Alexa to see if she wanted to rehearse their dance again. 

“Save it for this afternoon. I have to get back to my place for a shower before class.” She patted his shoulder and left. 

As Keith started for his duffel bag, the instructor called for him. He turned to see her with Roland to one side, and his stomach clenched. He gave Keith a hateful flat before he walked away. 

Keith reached the instructor and nodded. “Yeah, Colleen?” 

She looked him over, arching an eyebrow before saying, “How would you like to be the dance captain?” Keith's eyes widened and he looked back at the door where Roland had just walked out. “Roland has missed practices and been late to most others. He may be a good dancer, but he doesn't take it seriously. I think you would do a better job in the position.” 

Keith hesitated. He wanted the title. It would look great if he ever wanted to find another team when he was done with college. But he wasn't charismatic like Roland. Still, if Colleen thought he could do it, then why not give it a shot? 

He smiled and nodded. “I'll do my best,” he promised. “Thank you so much.” 

She smiled back at him with a proud gleam in her eyes. As he left, she called after him. He turned and she tapped her neck. “I want those covered up by performance time.” 

Keith blushed and nodded. “Yes, ma'am.” He left the practice room and started for the bathroom to change. 

Almost as soon as he opened the door, he felt a pair of hands shove him back against it, an arm at his throat and a hand on his chest keeping him pinned. Keith knew who it was before his brain could catch up and focus. 

“Get the hell off me, Roland.” 

“Captain was  _ my  _ title. What the fuck did you say for her to boot me?” 

Keith wrenched his arm away and glared. “Nothing. It's not my fault she thinks your irresponsible.” Roland scowled, but Keith cutoff his reply. “You wouldn't even have had the position if it weren't for me. You fucked it up, not me. Stop blaming me for anything that goes wrong for you.” 

Roland shoved him against the wall again, hands at shirt. “You've had it out for me since I dumped your manipulative ass-” 

“Manipulative? I didn't manipulate you into anything. It's not my fault you couldn't get it up for your girl unless you were thinking about me.” 

Roland yanked him from the wall, rearing an arm back to swing but Keith ducked, hearing his shirt rip slightly from the grip Roland had on it. 

“Tearing my shirts off again, baby?” Keith teased. “And here I thought you weren't into it.” 

“Shut the fuck up!” Roland was shaking, fixing Keith with a look that could kill. “I'm not into dudes. You fucked with my head, and now you keep fucking up my life.” His eyes skimmed over Keith's neck. “Who's your newest victim? How long until he realizes you're just a fun little experiment he's gonna want to forget?” 

“Not everyone is as closeted as you,” Keith growled, trying not to let the words sink into him. 

“I'm not-!” Roland scowled, then scoffed and smirked. “It's what you're  _ known  _ for, Keith. You're the guy who gets straight guys drunk enough to want you to help them with blue balls. I'll admit you had me had me hooked a little longer, but I know better now. You just put out so easily-” 

Keith hadn't realized what he was doing until he had already tackled Roland to the floor and had landed a good hit that landed with a satisfying crunch. But he couldn't stop.

All of the feelings from when Roland had broken up with him resurfaced. Those feelings of being used, of being lied to, of feeling like an idiot, heartbroken and naive. All the hatred for Roland and guys like him, the ones before and all the ones that came after. That feeling of worthlessness that settled so deeply in him, he wasn't really sure he'd even gotten rid of it yet. 

It wasn't until Roland caught his hand and twisted enough to make Keith pull back that he stopped punching him. Roland had a split lip and his nose bleeding. Keith hadn't gotten that angry in a long time. 

He stayed on the ground, staring at his knuckles, smeared with blood and shaking slightly. Roland pulled himself up with the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. 

“Fucking psychopath,” he hissed, without even looking at Keith before he stumbled out of the bathroom. 

Keith yanked at the roots of his hair, trying to ground himself. He kept remembering the fascinated look in Lance's eyes the day he took him to the shed. The way he was obviously new at touching a guy, but unafraid to try. The look on his face when he'd found Keith dancing a week later, all lust and jealousy. 

How it mirrored so much of Roland when they first started. Though their first kiss had been hesitant and slow. Keith unsure if he was wanted, Roland unsure if he wanted to indulge in wanting Keith. But the same unsure touches, the same eagerness to learn. 

Only to be dropped a month later, with Roland insisting he had just been lonely, he wasn't into guys, he wasn't into Keith, and Keith had taken advantage of the fact that Roland was on rocky ground with the girlfriend he had. The one he broke up with for Keith then later left Keith for. Except he'd gotten drunk a week later and went looking for Keith, practically throwing himself at his feet, and Keith had been so pathetically in his hands, ready to have him back to forgive him and…. 

Lance swore he wasn't experimenting. But what if a month later he realized he wasn't seriously into this? Why did Keith keep falling for these guys that didn't seem to know what they wanted? 

It was no wonder Shiro wanted Keith to stop sleeping around. He did have a fucking reputation. 

Keith got up and washed his hand off, splashing his face with water. 

He pulled his phone out to check the time and saw a message from Lance. 

_ I mean, I can start leaving them in places people wouldn't see 🤔🤔🤔 _

Keith scoffed. Another message came in. 

_ But in all seriousness, is that okay? I realize I didn't ask and now I feel bad 😭 _

Keith bit his lip and looked up at the mirror. The way the hickeys bloomed across his pale skin so clearly reminded Keith of the way Lance had draped over him, working against his throat in a way that made Keith feel like he was being worshipped. He ran a finger over them, humming when one particularly dark one gave him a small burst of pain at the pressure. 

_ You're good. I like them.  _

He put his phone away and went into a stall to change his clothes, throwing the torn shirt away. He left and started working on homework at the school cafe before his class. 

By the time he got to his class, he was struggling with staying out of that space that led to him thinking and doubting. He knew what Shiro would say. He’d say Keith should talk to Lance. To tell him what happened so Lance could understand the reason Keith became withdrawn, so he could understand the insecurities. 

Yeah, that was the logical thing. But it wasn’t that easy. Keith didn’t like the idea of laying out his insecurities to someone. He didn’t want to talk about it. Not about Roland, not about…. Keith didn’t want that past seeping into his life.

Somehow he made it through the class. He only had one other class that day, and after that, he had a good break until he had to go to his next dance practice. And with his hands still feeling a little sore from the fight, as soon as the last class was over, he found himself driving his motorcycle to the gas station. 

He went around the back and sat on the floor, staring at the graffiti again. 

His eyes went to the dragon, its jaw gaping wide, teeth sharp and gleaming. He remembered the day the piece was finished and he’d stood there beside him, staring up at it in awe. A hand had slipped into his, smeared with colors, smelling sharply of spray paint.

_ This one’s you because you’ve got a fire in you. You’re full of power and strength. And you’re hot, of course.  _

Keith had laughed at that. And he’d looked back up at the dragon, feeling empowered. Because someone saw him that way. Someone saw him as a person who was strong. Someone saw him as a dragon. 

When he’d been with Roland, he’d felt those empowered moments again. When Roland turned to him for solace, when Keith had encouraged him to dance so he had something to do, when one of their dances became a flirtatious game until that first kiss inevitably happened. Empowered because Roland was risking everything to be with Keith, when in reality he was just ashamed of Keith. Of course, Keith didn’t know that then. 

In all honesty, Keith had no idea why he always came to see the dragon and the griffin. It was a good memory of a bad person, and he knew that. He knew that entire relationship had been unhealthy. It had strained his relationship with Shiro horribly. But then made it stronger. And it led him to dance. So maybe it that was why. Maybe he just need a reminder that something good could come from something horrible. 

His phone started buzzing, a funny picture of Shiro lighting up the screen. He answered, still staring at the wall. “Hey, Keith, are you coming home today or heading to Lance’s?” 

“Uh, home. Why?” 

“I’m making dinner and Adam’s coming over later. Just wanted to be sure on how much to make.” There was a pause before he added, “You okay? You sound off.” 

“I’m good.” 

Another pause. “Are you where I think you are? What happened?” 

“I gotta go. Dance practice is gonna start soon. Let you know when I’m on my way home.” 

There was a resigned sigh on Shiro’s end. “Okay. I love you, Keith.” 

Keith shut his eyes and smiled. “Yeah. I love you too, Shiro. Stop worrying.” 

“You’re my brother. It’s my job. Bye.” 

Keith hung up and wondered if he’d ever stop coming here. He knew that would be the smart thing to do. To stop coming back to this, to  _ him.  _ But looking at that dragon always made him feel stronger. Made him remember what was seen in him at some point. 

He got up and grabbed his motorcycle to head back to campus, ready to let the stress dissipate with dance. Sure enough, Alexa had him going over their dance multiple times, enough to make him unable to focus on anything but the movements, on anything but the beat in his head. Roland was there with a few butterfly stitches on his nose, his face bruised and the tear of his lip looking painful. He shrugged off any questions about what had happened, not bothering to even look in Keith’s direction. Part of Keith felt guilty. The other part, not so much. 

By the time he got home, he was exhausted and hungry. Adam was sitting at the kitchen table, smiling at him as he came in. Once Keith got close enough to greet properly, Adam whistled and tilted his chin up. “Wow. That’s… going to take forever to go away.” 

“You would know,” Keith said, playfully shoving his hand away. 

“I’m gonna pretend I don’t see those,” Shiro said coming in with plates of food. “How was your day? No bullshit.” Keith huffed and shrugged. “You went to that gas station, didn’t you?” 

“You don’t know that.” 

“Oh but I do. You would’ve said no otherwise.” 

Keith narrowed his eyes and plopped down to eat. Shiro knew Keith didn’t like lying to him. Because of it, he’d figured out all of Keith’s loopholes. Adam sat down, one eyebrow raised as he watched the interaction.

“Doesn’t matter. I just go there to think. Nothing else.”

There was a beat of silence, filled with clinking silverware before Shiro asked, “What happened to your hand?”

Keith clenched his fist and shook his head. “Don’t want to talk about it.” Shiro dropped it. Keith knew it was only being dropped because Adam was there. Keith didn’t mind talking to Shiro. Shiro had proven a long time ago that he would always be there for Keith, that he would always be honest with him, and be someone Keith trusted. While Adam was great, and his relationship with Shiro was going on to a year, Keith wasn’t fully comfortable with him yet. 

“You have your dance performance this week right?” Adam asked. That was another good thing about Adam. He knew how to maneuver conversations between the two of them better than most people. Keith nodded and just like that, the conversation became easier, filled with jokes and laughter that allowed Keith to forget the rest of the day’s events. 

Watching Adam and Shiro together gave Keith a bittersweet feeling. He loved how happy Shiro looked with him. Loved how a different, softer side of Shiro came out around Adam. The thing was, Keith wondered if he would ever reach that stage with someone. He was so terrified of trusting anyone the way these two trusted each other. He had no idea what would happen if the two of them ended up splitting up down the road. He couldn’t fathom it when he was watching them fight over chocolate covered almonds on the couch. He was both jealous of the way things were so easy for them, but also wary because his cynicism made him expect a break up and the last thing he wanted was for Shiro to feel what he had felt. 

Meanwhile, a more hopeful part of him began imagining himself fighting over chocolate covered almonds with Lance, imagined it ending in soft kisses because Lance was good at those, imagined being able to hold him and be held by him without that small voice in the back of his head telling him his time was limited. 

Then he snapped himself out of the reverie and focused on the homework in his lap, while Adam and Shiro commented on the TV show like prestigious film critics. 

A couple hours later, Adam left, promising Keith he’d be at the dance performance and giving Shiro a quick kiss before heading out. As the door shut, Shiro made his way over to the couch Keith was sprawled over and nudged his foot. 

“Hey. Can we talk?” 

Keith put his stuff aside and looked at Shiro expectantly. “About?” 

“Why your hand is messed up. Why you went to the gas station.” Keith sighed and stared at his hand. “Come on, Keith. Talk to me.” 

He looked back up at Shiro and shrugged. “I hit Roland.” Shiro's eyebrows went up in surprise. Keith and Roland had been on the same dance team for a long time now. It never led to a fight. Resigned, Keith started from the beginning, explaining why Roland cornered him in the bathroom and how it escalated. As he spoke, he could see Shiro getting upset as well. 

“Who the hell does he think he is? He makes you out to be some male succubus when he's the one who-” 

“I have the reputation for a reason, don't I? You said it yourself, Shiro, I keep doing this to myself-” 

“Hey, no! No, Keith I never meant to make you think that. You know I don't think that.” Shiro nudged him aside and squeezed into the space beside him, making Keith huff as half of his personal space was invaded. “Listen to me, Keith. You're a good person. And as much as you don't want to admit it, you love hard. It might take time for you to love someone, but when you do, you love in the most unconditional way I've ever known. That's why you got so hurt with those idiots.” 

“Yeah, well I'm done getting hurt, thank you very much.” Shiro rolled his eyes and elbowed him. “Ow-hey!” 

“Can I finish?” Keith rolled his eyes and made a dramatic gesture with his hand for Shiro to continue. “Look, I don’t know if something I said before threw you off or if that fucking jackass got in your head or if it’s the fact that you keep going to see that damn graffiti, but…. I know you don’t depend on a relationship to make you happy, right?” 

“I don’t need one,” Keith confirmed. “I learned my lesson. Depending on someone to be happy doesn’t get me anywhere.” 

“That’s the thing, Keith.” Keith looked at him with an arched eyebrow. “I mean, it’s great that you’re not at that extreme, but… now you’re on the other end of that extreme. And that’s just as unhealthy.” Keith crossed his arms and stared at Shiro in disbelief, not entirely understanding. “You’re so aware of how bad it is to feel like you need a relationship to be happy, that now you’re kind of doing the opposite and pushing the idea away completely. There’s a gray area, you know? A place where you can be open to having someone in your life without letting your life revolve around them. It’s okay for a person to make you happy, as long as they’re not the only person who can make you happy.” 

“I know that,” Keith muttered. 

He thought of that first date and how much Lance had made him laugh. Of how ridiculous it had been when they were practically trying to tear the air hockey table in two with how hard they hit the puck. How pleased Keith had been with the look on Lance’s face when he realized Keith danced. Or even just the day before how happy he’d felt sharing a pizza and playing with his hair and…. Just being near him. 

He took a deep breath and looked at Shiro. “I’m just tired of getting my hopes up only to get my heart broken. It’s too much.” 

“You’re only 21, Keith,” Shiro said gently. “That’s the thing with relationships. It’s gonna be heartbreak after heartbreak until it isn’t. It’s not going to work out until it does. That’s the point of looking for someone to be with.” Shiro raised an eyebrow and tilted Keith head up by the chin with a finger. “And I’m just saying, it looks like you had no problem with the idea yesterday.” 

Keith swatted his hand away and got up from the couch. “Dammit, Shiro! We were having a moment.” Shiro laughed and shrugged, snugly taking up the couch. “I don’t know. It’s weird with Lance. I’m away from him and I tell myself that’s it. I don’t need him, I don’t want him, I’ll stop seeing him. Then when I’m with him, or he texts me some random thing about the stars or a funny picture, I just….” Keith waved his hands around, unable to find the words. “I start to think it could work out this time. But that’s stupid!” 

“ _ You’re 21!  _ You get to be stupid! Adam and I are 25 and we’re still stupid!” Keith rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. “You know what would really help both you and Lance out with this?  _ Talking.  _ Tell him about Roland, tell him about the graffiti, tell him that you’re feeling these things. Otherwise it really won’t work, but it’ll be because you’re the one doing the heartbreak.” 

For some reason the idea of breaking Lance’s heart made something twist painfully in Keith’s chest. He grimaced and shook his head. “Maybe. It’s too early for me to tell him, I mean…. I haven’t even told him about Mom. And that’s not even a bad thing, it’s just… complicated.” 

Before Shiro could answer, Keith felt his phone start vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out, half listening to what Shiro began to say before his heart leapt to his throat at Lance’s name on the screen. He answered, ignoring the look Shiro gave him. 

“Hey! Busy?” Lance asked. 

“No. I was just watching TV. What’s up?” Shiro raised his hands in exasperation, and Keith scoffed. 

“Nothing, it’s just been a rough day. Wanted to hear your voice.” Keith hated how that made warmth bloom in his chest. “How’s your day been?” 

“Um….” Keith looked at his knuckles and winced. “It’s a Monday.” Lance laughed aloud and agreed. Keith gave Shiro a feeble wave as he went to his room and sat by the window as he talked. “Everyone on my dance team wants to know who attacked my neck though.” 

“In my defense, I didn’t think it’d be that bad.” 

“You do realize my skin is really white, right?” 

Lance laughed again and Keith noticed a faint, transparent reflection of himself smiling widely in the window. He felt embarrassed with himself, but at the same time…. The feeling was nice, and it had been a long time since he’d felt it. The jittery nervousness of a new crush. If he couldn’t quite fight it, he wanted to at least try to enjoy it. At least for now. 


	6. Side Effects

He knew he was dreaming the moment he saw her sitting beside him. In those washed out jeans and that baby blue sweater with large sleeves, saying something about the birds that she was feeding remnants of churro crumbs. 

But the second he reached out to touch her, to make her look at him, Lance woke up felt the onslaught of varying emotions. 

It was Wednesday, which meant Keith would be dancing today. That wouldn't be until later. They had been talking throughout the week with occasional texts, but Lance called at night in hopes that talking to Keith would help him sleep better. And in a way it had. He just felt bad about indirectly using Keith that way.

Lance didn’t want to go to Keith’s performance with her on his mind, but he knew he’d talked Pidge and Hunk’s ears off about this before. He didn’t want to go down that road again, didn’t want to make it seem like he was back at square one. He wasn’t. He knew he wasn’t. He just needed to talk it out, just this time, not with his best friends. 

He reached for his phone and smiled a bit at the last message Keith had sent him last night, just before he’d fallen asleep. A simple,  _ good night pretty boy  _ that still managed to send warmth flooding his cheeks. It felt comforting. 

He took a deep breath and scrolled through his contacts until he found the name he was looking for. He swallowed down the anxiety building in him as the phone rang until one ring was cut off. 

“Lance?” a soft, worried voice answered.

Lance let out a shaky breath and ran a hand through his hair. “Hey, Romelle.”

“Are you alright? I haven’t heard from you… in a long time.” 

Lance laughed humorlessly at that and nodded, even though she couldn’t see him. “Yeah, I know. I was just… wondering if we could meet up and talk? I can pick you up, I don’t have anywhere to be until later.” 

“Yeah, sure. I’ll be near the music store and the cafe.” 

“Okay. I’ll tell you when I’m close.” She hung up and Lance pulled on some jeans and a hoodie. It was nearly an hour’s drive, but that didn’t matter at that moment. He was going to explode if he didn’t do  _ something. _

He knew confiding in Keith was another option, probably a better one. Everything was still so new with him though. The last thing Lance wanted was to drive him away with the weight of his own past, especially when it was clear Keith was dealing with his own. 

Besides, when Keith was with him, he at least felt calmer. If Lance told him about the dreams, about what happened, then that would always be between them. It was far too early in their… sort-of relationship to do that. Lance wasn’t even entirely sure what they were for each other. 

Which was why he drove for nearly an hour to find Romelle. When he was close, he let her know and she said she’d meet him at the cafe. He found her almost immediately, her long, sun-kissed hair looking like it was glowing under the sun. As soon as she saw him, she stood up, and Lance rushed forward to hug her. 

She let out a small surprised huff before hugging him back. “Are you sure you're alright?” she asked gently, pulling away and searching his face. 

He sighed and sat down, uncertain of how to start. He looked down at the table and scoffed. “I'm sorry. I know it's been a long time. It's just… I don't even know how to-” He groaned and ran his hand through his hair. Romelle touched his arm lightly and gave him a reassuring smile. “I'm sort of seeing someone.” 

“Oh?” Her eyebrow arched. She was obviously taken by surprise, not expecting this as the topic at hand. “Haven't you been seeing girls for some time now?” 

He shook his head and rubbed his temples in frustration. “Not… seriously. Just fun nights or flirty meet ups.” She hummed and he laughed softly at the disapproving tone. “This time though… it's the first time I want to be serious again since….” He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He hadn't come out really to anyone but Pidge and Hunk. He looked at her and gave a sheepish smile. “His name is Keith.”

Her eyes widened only slightly before she composed herself. She reached out to take a sip from whatever was in her lipstick stained mug and Lance could feel his heart pounding obnoxiously through his whole body. “What's different this time?” she asked, finally. “Why do you want to be serious with him after all the flings? And no offense, but why did that warrant you coming all the way here to talk to me?” 

The wind blew a little stronger and gave Lance an excuse to curl into himself. He tried to organize his thoughts but he felt like he was suffocating. So he decided to just be honest. To just spit it out and say it. 

“Because I’m dreaming of her again. Because I feel like I’m not allowed to move on even though it’s been so long. Because I’m scared she won’t leave me alone and I won’t even be able to be happy with Keith.” 

Across the table, Romelle sighed. She slid her hand across the table to get him to look at her. “What can I do?” she asked helplessly. “Give you my blessing? I’m not her, Lance. But I think I knew my cousin well enough to know she’d want you to be happy.” 

Lance ran a hand through his hair and fought past the knot in his throat. “Pidge and Hunk didn’t know Allura for that long. They didn’t know her like I did. How… how do you go through your life with her just… always being gone?” He felt himself getting agitated and he lowered his voice, not wanting to draw attention to themselves. “I thought I was fine, I mourned, I let myself laugh again, I met other people. Then out of nowhere she- she’s in my dreams, and she’s smiling at me and laughing at me and talking about birds and-” He took a sharp breath, hating the way his voice broke. Hating the way Romelle’s eyes filled with tears. “I don’t want this getting in the way of what I’m building with Keith. He means a lot to me, and I don’t want him to feel like I mean that any less.” 

Romelle chuckled and looked up to blink the tears away. “I don’t think he would take it that way.” Lance scoffed because he knew Keith. He already had his doubts about Lance. Telling him about Allura could make it so much worse. “Lance. It isn’t easy getting over a death. Of course I still feel her absence. She was like my sister. If it worries you that much, then maybe just take these slow with this boy.” 

Lance couldn’t help but laugh at that. It’s what everyone was suggesting. The thing was, even if they hadn’t been giving him that advice, Lance would have had no choice but to take things slow with Keith. Ironic as it was with the way they started. “I know that. I plan to. I just….” 

“You feel guilty for moving on.” Lance nodded and put his head in his hands. “Lance, Allura would be more than ecstatic to know you’re happy with someone. You were there for her through everything, you think she wouldn’t want you to have someone in your life?” 

Logically that made sense. Lance believed that with all his heart. He knew she would want him to be happy, because she loved him, because she would say it over and over near the end of her life, no matter how badly it made Lance cry and hold on to her. “It just feels like… if I let myself fall for someone else… it’ll somehow make what I felt for her… less?” 

She grabbed his hand between both of hers, gripping them tightly. Now a few stray tears had made their way down her cheeks, making her eyes glisten. “That is far from the truth, Lance,” she said softly, but urgently. “Believe me when I say that no one could have ever loved her the way you did. And letting yourself have a chance to fall in love with someone new wouldn’t mean you loved her any less. It just means you are loving more. And I think that having that much space in your heart for people says a lot about you. It’s part of why she loved you, I think.” 

At that point, Lance could feel the way his tears spilled freely over his cheeks, sniffing constantly, unable to even say anything more. Everything was a half-thought, a sentence he couldn’t say aloud because his body was too focused on the crying. Thoughts of love, thoughts of mourning, of hope and uncertainty, of nostalgia.

He loved Allura so much, and losing her hurt. But he wanted to open up to Keith. Wanted to be able to make space in his heart, to be able to share his love without one diminishing another in the future. If he could love his mama and papa both so much without either love overshadowing the other, if he could do the same with Hunk and Pidge, then didn’t that mean he could do that for Keith and Allura one day? Hold the love he held for her in his heart while still letting himself love someone else, however far in the future it may be, whoever that love may be for?

“It’s okay to miss her still,” Romelle murmured, handing him a napkin. “But don’t feel guilty for wanting to let someone into your life.” Lance sighed and wiped at his face, trying to keep his gaze down so others didn’t see him falling apart. “Tell me about him. Keith, right? What’s he like?” 

What was Keith like? Lance hadn't known him long, and yet he didn't know where to start. He had so much to say about him, all the things about Keith that fascinated him and made butterflies burst in his stomach. 

“He's incredible. He's so passionate and he's funny and he's unfairly attractive and his voice is so warm and it's easy to make him mad, but it's easy to bring him back, and I love talking to him because I like seeing the way his eyes light up when he's excited, the way his body starts to relax and open because he's so caught up he forgets to be on guard and the little blush when he realizes it.” 

Lance realized his heart was pounding, his cheeks burning just talking about Keith. Romelle was giving him a kind smile, encouraging and empathetic. So he kept talking. 

“He likes dancing and he's really smart. He's, like… kind of obsessed with Dr. House. And I think he's one of the most genuine people I've ever met. He doesn't put up with anyone's shit, and he's not afraid to say what he thinks… sometimes at least.” He shrugged and started cracking his knuckles just to have something to do. “I really like him.” 

She smiled and touched his cheek gently. “He sounds wonderful. And I think you should be excited to give this a chance.” Romelle pulled back and raised an eyebrow. “I do think you should tell him about… what's going on in your head. Maybe not right away, but definitely build to it. It could help both of you.” 

Lance nodded, but it was easier said than done. How exactly do you bring up the dead girlfriend to the potential boyfriend without it being… awkward? The good thing was that talking to Romelle really did help. It gave Lance a little more peace of mind. He knew she would understand because Romelle was the only one who was as close if not closer to Allura as him. Well, her uncle too, but Romelle knew Lance and Allura’s relationship better. It helped to know he wasn't the only one still missing her. Helped to hear that he was allowed to fall for someone new. 

“Okay, well, how have you been? The last thing I want is to have ruined your day in talking about this. I haven't seen you in so long, what's been going on with you?” he asked, wanting to return to normalcy. To a place where he and Romelle could laugh about radio songs and creepy commercials or joke about the fact that all the stores were stocking for Christmas when Halloween hadn't even passed yet. 

After a couple hours of much lighter conversation which worked to soothe Lance further, he thanked Romelle and promised to stay in touch more often. He wanted to be back in time to see Keith before his performance, and the drive back would be over an hour because of traffic time. 

By the time he got back and managed to get food in his system, it was half till five and the performance started at seven. 

He pulled out his phone to see if Keith was available, sending a quick text asking what he was doing. He was lounging on his couch, waiting for an answer for half an hour before his phone buzzed. 

_ @rehearsal sry on break now whatsup _

Lance frowned and sent back another text.  _ Where do ya usually rehearse?  _

Surprisingly, this time Keith answered a little quicker.  _ Main building third floor ballrooms. Why? _

_ Is it cool if I come see you before you go on? _

This time there was a longer pause before Lance got a response.  _ Breaks over dunno if i’ll get a chance to talk, but you’ll be able to get closer seats. Gtg see you later.  _

Maybe Lance was thinking too much into it, but the texts felt impersonal, uncaring maybe. He didn’t want to show up and be a disturbance to his practices. But he did want that front row seat. 

\--

When Lance got to the college, he had to look up which one the main building was. When he saw it, he figured it made sense it was the tallest building, however small in comparison to the others. He went inside and found a help desk immediately available. Lance knew it was the third floor, but he figured he might as well ask to be sure. 

Sure enough, the girl at the desk told him to go to the third floor, but to wait in the lounge area because the space was still not open for seating. Lance thanked her and took the elevator, marveling at the sleek design of the elevator and how everything looked so shiny. It smelled like paint too, so Lance figured it must have been redone recently. 

When he got off on the third floor, he saw a hallway lined with small couches and low tables. He walked and saw a few doors to the left, all closed with empty tables outside already advertising the performance. He could hear muffled music and someone shouting the counts. Lance turned and saw the small lounge area right across from the doors and decided to splay himself across the couch in the meantime. 

He sent Hunk and Pidge a message that he was there already, and that it would be much appreciated if they kept him company so he didn’t look so awkwardly out of place. Pidge responded she’d be out of class in fifteen minutes, and while Hunk didn’t answer, Pidge said Hunk would be out in another hour. 

Lance decided to watch videos on his phone to pass the time as he hummed to the rhythm of the song playing. He heard a door open, the sound of the music flaring for a moment. He popped his head up and saw a girl in spandex leggings and sports bra leaving the ballroom and walking down the hall. A few minutes later she came back, stopped at the water fountain, then went back inside, another flare of music freed from the space. 

Lance was pulling himself up into a sitting position, checking the time when the door opened again.This time when he looked up, he saw a familiar face that made his entire body feel like it was sparking. Amethyst eyes settled on him, slightly surprised as a small smile settled on his lips. 

“You came.” He walked nearer until he was standing in front of Lance. Lance forgot how to speak. He hadn’t physically seen Keith since he was at his house, and he hadn’t realized how much he’d missed him. The feeling was so intense, it took Lance by surprise. “You okay?” 

“Yeah! Yeah, I am,” he finally said. He stood up, giving Keith a sheepish smile. His hair was in a ponytail at the nape of his neck and a black headband was keeping the rest of his hair out of his face. His skin glistened only slightly with sweat, and he was wearing sweatpants and muscle shirt with the sides cut wide. He was barefoot and his face was flushed and he just looked so ridiculously attractive in something that Lance could never dream of pulling off. “I missed you.” 

Almost immediately, Keith’s face turned bright red, blooming from the apples of his cheeks to his neck. He chuckled and shook his head. “We talked on the phone last night.” 

“Yeah, but… I can’t see you on the phone. More importantly, I can’t do this.” Lance cupped his face and pulled into a gentle kiss, moving slowly so he wouldn’t be taken too off guard, so he had time to say no if he didn’t want Lance kissing him. 

But Keith responded by kissing him back, laughing lightly through his nose. “Mm. You’re corny.” Lance rolled his eyes at that and Keith laughed again. 

“Were you going to the bathroom or something?” 

Keith shook his head. “No, but one of the dancers came in and mentioned someone was already here, and after you texted, I figured it might be you. So I said I was going to the bathroom to see if I was right.” He arched an eyebrow at Lance and smirked. “This thing isn’t starting for another like hour and a half.” 

“I wanted a good seat,” he answered with a pout. Keith laughed and looked at him with that knee-weakening smile that made his nose scrunch up. Then his eyes flickered to Lance’s lips and he hesitated for a moment. Lance was about to lean into him, but Keith beat him to the punch, wrapping his arm around him to pull him closer and kiss him. Lance felt his entire body spark. “Whoa.” 

Keith ran his thumb along Lance’s lower lip and smirked. “I should get back inside.” Lance made a hum of disapproval which made Keith’s smile widen. “I’m... really glad you came, Lance.” 

Lance responded with another kiss, hoping to keep him for a while longer. 

“Your gay is showing,” he heard a familiar voice say, making them split apart. They looked over at Pidge who was staring at them with a smug look. “Looks like you have all the company you need, buddy.” 

“Hey, Pidge,” Keith answered, blushing worse than before. “I actually have to get back inside. Thanks for being here, by the way.” Pidge smiled and nodded. Keith turned back to Lance. “I’ll see you later okay?” 

Lance nodded and Keith started to leave. But Lance reached for his hand and yanked him back, kissing him one more time, one hand at the nape of his neck, the other still holding his wrist. He pulled back and Keith stared at him with wide eyes. “Break a leg, babe.” 

Keith flushed and smiled widely, sheepish and flustered as he nodded, walking back to the ballroom with uncertain steps until he opened the door and ducked back inside. 

“God, you’re so gay and so cliche,” Pidge said with a snort as she settled on the couch. 

“Oh, shut up. Cliches are fun. Besides, I don’t think Keith has ever had someone be cliche romantic with him, he’s always kind of taken by surprise when I do it.” Pidge hummed and pulled out some homework she had. “We have a date later this week. I’m gonna make the most cliche, straight out of a teen romance novel date ever.”

Pidge laughed at that. “I don’t doubt that you’ll pull it off.” Lance kept watching videos as Pidge worked on her homework, both of them waiting on Hunk to get out of class. 

As he waited, he got a text from his sister. 

_ Hey flaco we haven't heard from you!!! Tf?? 😒  _

He laughed and quickly typed back,  _ sorry chaparra been busy with school and stuff I'll call mami later  _

They continued to text, catching up briefly and Lance considered telling her about Keith. Veronica had always been someone Lance could turn to when he wanted serious emotional venting. He always turned to Marco for help with girls and Luis was more like a partner in crime, being the closest in age to Lance. His brothers didn't mind being serious or emotional, but that was usually in dire situations, and frankly…. He wasn't sure how they'd take the fact that Lance was seeing another guy. 

Veronica, however, had always been a little more open. A little kinder. Lance could tell her about stupid things and things he was embarrassed about and she wouldn't laugh at him. When it came to something as serious as a relationship, he was certain she wouldn't turn him away. But would she tell their parents? 

That opened a whole new set of questions. Lance had to figure out how to tell his parents and how to deal with however they dealt with it and when to tell them and…. It was rough. He could go home any day, but he didn't want it to seem like he was only visiting to tell them he was seeing a boy. And doing it during one of the holidays scared him because if they took it badly, those holidays would be ruined forever. 

He felt a shoe nudging his side and looked over at Pidge. “Stop biting your nails and tell me what you're thinking about. Unless it's sex then just say it's sex and we'll leave it at that.” 

Lance rolled his eyes and told her about the questions rummaging through his head. Her expression turned slightly more solemn, the way it did when she was ready to be serious instead of playful and teasing. 

“I think if you told Veronica not to say anything, she would respect that. And I think she would take it well. Wasn't she in GSA in high school?” 

“Yeah, but it's different saying you support the decisions of strangers and friends who've known who they are since they were like… five and saying you support your little brother who took almost 21 years to figure it out.” Pidge narrowed her eyes, lips pursing into a line. “It's always different when you're living with something than when you just see it.” 

“But she's your sister. She's always loved you a lot, and I don't think the fact that you like Keith now is gonna change that. As for your parents, they're not super typical Hispanic parents from what I know. I don't know if they'll be jumping with joy, and it might take them some time for it to settle, but ultimately, they love you too and would want you to be happy.” Lance tried not to shudder at the echo of his conversation with Romelle. “There's also the fact that you aren't  _ obligated  _ to tell them anything.” 

“No, I want to. I want to tell them so they can meet him and I can show Keith I'm serious about him and I can bring him to dinner for Easter or something.” 

“Wow you've thought ahead. Got a wedding date set too?” Lance glared at her and she cleared her throat, returning to her more serious tone. “Okay, well when you say you want to tell them, is it for  _ you _ or is it for  _ Keith? _ Because I don't think you should want to just to prove something to him.” 

At that, Lance hesitated. Was he allowed to say both? Of course he wanted to tell his parents. He didn’t want to keep secrets from them, especially about something this important. It was one thing not to tell them he’s had sex or that he drinks away from home despite being underage still. It’s another not to tell them about an actual person of importance in his life. He wanted to be able to gush about him and ask for advice like he had when he was into Allura. 

He also really wanted to show Keith that he meant what he’d said before. Show Keith that he was worth telling his parents about, that he wouldn’t be a secret. 

“I want to tell them for both of us. Maybe if I’m casual about it they can be too.” 

Pidge shrugged and smiled at him. “Maybe. I’m sure it’ll mean something that this is the first time you’re invested in someone since… you know.” 

“You can say it, Pidge. It’s not a bad omen, and it’s not some forbidden thing. Allura’s death. Yeah. If we keep skirting around it, it’s like we’re trying to make it seem like it never happened. Like she was never here.” He clenched his jaw and looked away, the tension leaving him slowly as the silence went on. 

He felt a hand on his forearm. “Hey, I’m sorry. You’re right. I just… I guess I just also don’t want you to let this relationship revolve around or in the shadow of the one you had with… Allura.” 

“I won’t. Keith is his own person, and our dynamic is already so different, it’s not like… I’m comparing them or anything. It’s just… weird because the dreams make the memory of the emotions come back up and I get confused and….” He sighed and shook his head. “I’m here for Keith. I want to focus on him right now.” 

Pidge nodded and gave a smile along with a reassuring squeeze on his forearm. She leaned back and returned to her homework. “Hunk said he’s out of class, he’ll be here soon,” she said, casually. Lance felt the awkward air around them dissipate. 

He returned to his phone, scrolling through it, when the doors to the ballroom opened and people started coming out. It wasn’t too many people, but they were all dressed in various workout clothes or some sort of stylish baggy clothes. The dancing aesthetic Lance saw from movies like Step Up or something. What he enjoyed was that their physiques weren’t what he saw in movies. 

They weren’t all workout-fifteen-hours-a-day and eat-only-a-leaf thin and built. The ones with their stomach showing didn’t exactly have toned abs or anything. It made it feel more real, in a way for Lance. Like he wasn’t about to watch movie stars, but actual people with real passion for dancing. 

And among them was Keith, pulling the elastic band from his hair, eyes flitting over to him. He gave him a slight smile and Lance waved at him, feeling his heart stutter. Keith peeled away from the group who seemed to be going into various rooms on the other end of the hallway. 

“Hey, you guys should be able to go in now. Everyone’s getting into their clothes and makeup.”

“Hunk will be here soon, so we’ll go in when he gets here,” Pidge said. 

Keith nodded and blushed slightly. “Okay, so I gotta go get changed and stuff. I’ll see you guys soon, I hope you enjoy the performances.” He started to turn away before he backtracked and kissed Lance on the cheek. He hurried away immediately after and Lance could see how red the tip of his ear was even from where he stood. 

Pidge clicked her tongue and nudged Lance. “You two are actual middle schoolers.” Lance rolled his eyes and nudged her back. 

Shortly after, Hunk was coming down the hallway and stopping at the lounge area to greet them. It was still half an hour before the show, and he’d come with drinks from the cafe and muffins for each of them. 

They went into the ballroom and saw the space lined with chairs, all turning in a sort of semi-circle to face a stage that seemed to be elevated about a foot high. It was pretty wide, reminding Lance of what his high school stage looked like, except this one was built with various pieces. 

The half hour passed quickly with Hunk and Pidge to talk to. People had begun to trickle in about ten minutes after they had claimed three front row seats in the center. Five minutes til, the seats were mostly all taken. People kept coming in, but a minute til starring the doors were closed and people couldn't come in anymore. 

A familiar face took the stage, doing a double take at the sight of them in the first row. 

“You didn't say your mom was a dance teacher,” Lance whispered. 

Pidge shrugged. “She does it on her offtime. She mostly teaches plant biology and microbiology.” 

“Alright, hello everyone! First I want to thank all of you for coming out to support this group of amazing and talented people. They’ve worked so hard to be able to perform this for you all, and if you enjoy the performance, please come out and support us in competition! We’ll be selling tickets in the booth outside the doors as well as small handmade things like handmade bracelets and necklaces for our fund. Donations are appreciated too, though.” Lance mused over buying one for his mom and sister. “Lastly, if you need to leave for the bathroom, I ask that you please wait for the time between acts. We will be opening the doors to allow late arrivals and allowing you all to go to the bathroom. This way performances can go unbothered. Of course, please keep your phone on silent or completely off. If I hear one, I  _ will  _ stop the performance and ask whoever it is to leave.” Lance raised an eyebrow and looked at Pidge. She nodded, her eyes comically wide to show just how serious her mom was about this. “I hope you all enjoy the performances, and without further ado, please welcome Leah and Harry!” 

There was some polite applause, and Lance quietly asked to see the program the person beside him had. There were six pairs going up, and Keith was the fourth one, along some girl named Alexa. After that they were supposed to perform as a group. 

He returned his attention to the stage after returning the program and watched as the two took their places on stage. The girl had a on a dress that fell to her shins in strips of netted cloth, low cut but simple and modest. It shimmered only slightly under the soft lights. The guy had on a normal button up and slacks. The song came on, and it was one Lance recognized from the radio immediately. 

Watching the performance was captivating. Especially being in the first row. Lance was on the edge of his seat, leg shaking to relieve the stress as he watched them move in perfect sync, twirling, spinning, jumping, their movements calculated but smooth. He watched Harry pick Leah up and twirl her around his body, watched him drag her back as she kicked, her face anguished. He watched the way the moved quickly and certainly, perfectly used to the space. He covered his mouth when Leah ran toward the edge of the stage, yanked back at the last second into an embrace that ended with her falling slack against Harry as he soothed her hair and the lights went down. 

“Holy shit,” he heard Hunk whisper as applause filled the room. The lights came up a little brighter for the two to bow and and hug each other. Lance heard the doors open and a few more people came in as the two dancers got off stage. Colleen came back on stage to announce the next pairing, this time two girls in flowing gossamer dresses. 

Lance was entranced from the start again. He didn’t know the song, but it was solemn, anguished, though upbeat, the vocals chilling. The girls moved like clones, graceful and light, their bodies open as they seemed to take up the entire stage. The next pair that went up was a girl and some guy that looked like he’d recently had some work done on his nose because of a patch on it. 

“What happened to Roland?” Pidge whispered. 

“Dunno. He was like that when I had him for class Monday. Worse actually, think he’s wearing makeup.” Hunk sped up the last bit of information because the lights were dimming again for the performance. 

Lance knew this song, and he watched, just as enraptured as before even if they had on more casual clothing. This one was a little more playful, a cute love story, touchy and full of smiles. It was only slightly broken by the sight of the patch. 

This time when the lights came up, Lance felt nerves tighten in his stomach. “Keith’s next, guys,” he whispered, moving further on the edge of the seat, even though he didn’t think it possible. His entire body felt coiled up and his heart was starting to pound. 

“Relax, Lance, you’re not the one performing,” Pidge said with a laugh. 

Lance rolled his eyes. Then the lights started dimming and he leaned his elbows on his knees, holding up on tightly interlocked hands. He saw the silhouettes moving to their spots, sitting in front of each other. 

The music started and Lance clenched his teeth hard. The girl was wearing a short, loose black dress with wide sides and an open back, a lacy bra topping it off. Keith was wearing torn black jeans, his torso totally bare. 

“God help me,” Lance muttered, and Pidge stifled a snort into her hand. 

The dance started with them mirroring each other, a lot of hand movements that slowly spread to include their legs and the rest of their bodies. Their legs intertwined before threading apart, holding on to each other to stand.

And then it got intricate. Lance watched as the girl- Alexa- twirled herself around Keith’s body until they were back to back and Keith lifted her up until she was practically on his shoulders. Her hands came down to hold his face and Keith’s eyes shut as he let her go and she slid down, her hands locked around him, sliding down with her body. A small twinge of jealousy sparked in Lance, but he ignored it, focusing on the dance.

It was fascinating to see Keith like this. He wasn’t acting it out as much as Alexa, but his face was still so concentrated, so gentle and pensive, it still gave off the vibes of the solemn song. The way his body moved so fluidy, the way his muscles flexed with each movement. He was so graceful, Lance couldn't help but sigh softly as he watched. And each time he lifted Alexa or carried both their body weight, Lance shivered a little. He knew Keith was strong, but with his lean frame, he didn't know he was  _ that _ strong. 

He watched the way his hands slid along her body, certain and steady and he wished so badly it was him up there. Keith cupped her face and she shoved him away, until he was going after her to lift her up and Lance grasped the seat with his hands when Keith held her up over his head, one hand on her neck and the other on the back of her thigh. He turned in a circle, and Lance looked for any signs that he might be over exerting himself, but Keith seemed calm as ever as he let her shift her weight until she was draped over his shoulder. Keith flipped her over and Alexa let herself fall until she was in a split on the floor her arms intertwined with Keith's.

Lance put his hands to his hair, feeling his heartbeat hammer. Keith lifted her back up, spinning her as she kicked out, until suddenly she twisted and used the momentum to slam into Keith, clinging to him like a monkey. Keith staggered back in a way that was too measured to be real. It must have been part of the dance. Lance was sure it was when he stopped moving and slowly wrapped his arms around her. The music picked back up and then the most mind-blowing part. 

They began to reverse the entire choreography. It looked like someone had pressed rewind, on a VHS tape. Keith let go of her slowly, staggering forward this time until she let go and let him spin her again, the opposite way. Everything, every lift and every moment that Keith had to hold her weight on his legs or on his back was recreated backwards. 

It looked… stiffer than seeing it forward, and when Lance listened to the song, he figured that was the point. The rewind, the unease, the expressions on their faces. It seemed to all come together. Until they were back on the floor, their movements slowing from their bodies to their legs to just their hands until they ended as they started, even with the lights going down. 

The applause was deafening and Lance plopped back against his chair, feeling exhausted and awed and proud and… so many things. The lights came back up so Keith and Alexa could bow. Alexa had a small smile as she bowed. Keith’s was impassive. 

His eyes found Lance in the front and Lance could only dramatically widen his eyes and mouth the words  _ holy shit.  _ Keith chuckled at that, his face lighting up with his smile and Lance smiled back. He had half a mind to go up on the stage to kiss his stupidly cute face. Instead he started clapping with the others before the applause died down and watched them both go off stage. 

“Lance, buddy, they're opening the doors if you uh… need a bathroom break,” Hunk said. 

Pidge burst into laughter and Lance looked over, reaching over her to punch Hunk in the arm. He flinched back, laughing along with Pidge. “So… thoughts?” Pidge asked. 

“God, he could throw me like a ragdoll,” he muttered between his hands, just for his best friends to burst into laughter again. 

It took a while, but Lance was finally able to focus when the next performers were dancing. He was so flustered with the image of Keith on that stage, so confident and sure. He was good at what he did and he loved doing it, and Lance could tell just by watching him. 

Lance had seen Keith in a more reserved state, drawn into himself, not quite shy, just… closed off. Watching him dance was different. He had nothing to hold back, he was completely in his element, and Lance felt like he now knew some new part of him. 

When the full group was performing their two dances, Lance’s eyes were drawn to Keith, Alexa, and another guy with dark skin and incredible facial expressions the most. But mostly to Keith. Because Lance was very biased. Regardless, it was fascinating to watch a group of twelve people moving in sync, making chaos look organized, moving between and with each other like puzzle pieces. 

When the last song ended, everyone was cheering and clapping. But Lance was Hispanic, and in the front row; nobody cheered louder than him. Keith saw and heard him immediately, laughing and blushing at Lance’s volume. Alexa looked at him weirdly and then looked at Lance before nudging Keith and whispering something. Keith blushed more and nodded, which intrigued Lance. 

Colleen came back on stage, keeping the dancers in their spots for a final bow as she thanked everyone for coming out and being such a great audience. 

The doors opened and the dancers started hopping off the stage, greeting people who had arrived. Lance made a beeline for Keith despite Pidge and Hunk yelling for him to wait. 

As soon as he saw him, Lance shouted his name and put his hands against his face, pulling him into a kiss. “You were incredible.” Another kiss. Keith stammered as Lance pulled back. “I was on the edge of my seat-” another kiss, “the whole fucking time-” another kiss, “and it was fucking incredible!” Lance kissed him again, spurred on by the chuckles in between kisses and Keith smiling against his lips. 

“Um,” Keith said, pushing him back gently. “Thank you,” he said sheepishly. He turned to the people he’d been talking to and Lance realized with a flood of embarrassment that he’d just attacked Keith in front of Shiro and someone else. Shiro was staring at him with both eyebrows raised up, the other guy though was looking away awkwardly. “You know Shiro. This is Adam, Shiro’s boyfriend.” 

“Shit,” Lance said through a pained smile, greeting them. 

Adam laughed and looked at Shiro fleetingly. “I’ve heard about you. Lance, right?” Lance nodded, suddenly giddy about the fact that Keith talked about him when he wasn’t there. “It’s nice to put a face to a name.” 

“Jesus, Lance, fuck your long legs,” Pidge muttered as she came up to them with Hunk behind her. “Keith, you did such a great job!” 

“Yeah, you really did, and Lance here just about had an aneurysm,” Hunk added. Lance rolled his eyes, but Keith was just smiling like he couldn’t help it, touching his cheeks self-consciously. 

“Thank you guys so much. And thank you for coming. I gotta go get changed back to my normal clothes and help clean up the dressing rooms, but I’ll meet you guys back here in a bit.” He waved and walked away, using his hands to rub his cheeks. 

Suddenly Lance felt panicked. He wasn’t alone with Shiro, but the guy had also just watched Lance smother Keith in kisses like a touch-starved lunatic. Which yes, absolutely, but he didn’t need Shiro knowing that. 

“Oh, uh, this is Hunk and Pidge. My best friends,” Lance said. Shiro might know them, but he knew Adam didn't. “So-” 

Hunk interrupted, yelling after the guy with nose issue. He was helping take the stage apart, but he walked over when Hunk called his name. He must have had makeup on because now he looked even worse. His lip was swollen and he had a fading bruise along his cheekbone. 

Then something in his face changed at the sight of the others. He stopped walking and shrunk into himself. “Yeah?” 

“You did great up there,” Hunk said sincerely. And he was right. The guy had skill. But that wasn't what Hunk needed him for. “Dude, you gotta get me your part of the final project. You said-” 

“Yeah, I know, I know,” Roland answered, as he ducked his head, making his dirty blond hair fall in his face. “I'll get it done alright?” 

“I know that, but I don't want you halfassing either.” Lance winced, knowing that only someone really lazy could push Hunk to be so blunt. 

He turned to explain to Shiro and Adam who he was, but the words died in his throat when he saw the unbridled rage in Shiro’s expression, fixed completely on Roland. Adam was rubbing his arm subtly, but his gaze eyes were on the floor. Lance had no idea if Shiro liked him, but he prayed he never received the look he was giving Roland. 

Hunk was still talking to him, and Roland so obviously trying to get away. Lance was suddenly bursting with curiosity as to how Shiro and Roland knew each other. 

“Alright, alright, dude!” Roland finally snapped. He was red in the face and his eyes were flitting everywhere. Lance stood next to Pidge, feeling awkward and unsure. He didn't want Shiro’s anger directed at him once Roland was gone, so he hoped Keith got back soon. “I get it! I'll do the work, I'll email it tonight. I gotta go.” He didn't let Hunk respond before he was rushing off, to the far edge of the stage. 

Hunk turned back to the others and Lance risked a look at Shiro. Adam was whispering something, a stern look on his face. 

“I  _ am,”  _ Shiro said through grit teeth. He shut his eyes and Lance looked over at Hunk and Pidge who looked just as confused. “I'm gonna get some water.” Shiro walked away and Adam gave the others an awkward smile. 

“Does Shiro know Roland?” Pidge asked, having the guts to say what Lance couldn't. 

“Not really. It's… kind of complicated. It's fine, don't worry.” He smiled, a little more brightly this time. 

Thankfully, Keith came back then, wearing a black hoodie and dark jeans with unlaced boots. He was wiping his face and neck with a wipe, revealing the leftover shadows of hickies against his neck, relatively hidden with his hair and hoodie. 

“Alright, I'm free. Where'd Shiro go?” he said, standing near Lance, hesitantly threading their fingers together. It made Lance smile and his heart jumped. 

“He went to get some water. You coming back to the house or…?” 

Keith hesitated, and Lance quickly jumped to interfere. “We could get something to eat, if you want. If you don't have too much homework or anything.” 

Keith smiled and nodded. “That sounds good.” 

Shiro returned a second later, seemingly much calmer. “Ready to go, Keith?” 

“Uh, I'm gonna get food with these guys before I go home. Could you take my bike back for me?” 

Shiro smirked and nodded. He looked over at Lance, his gaze between something teasing and solemn. “Hope I'll actually get to know you one of these days, Lance. Keith doesn't shut up about you.” 

Hunk, Pidge, and Adam stifled laughter as Lance reeled from the levels of  _ oh shit  _ in that. Shiro wanted to get to know him? Soon? Keith talked about him? 

But Keith was snapping at Shiro, telling him to shut up as his face turned red. 

“Alright, we're going. Keys.” Keith scowled as he handed them over and Shiro tousled his hair playfully before taking Adam's hand and heading for the doors, waving goodbye. 

Lance turned to Keith with a smirk. But before he could say anything, Keith covered his mouth and scowled. “Don't even. Shh.” 

Lance laughed and pulled his hand away, leaning forward to kiss him instead, still smiling. 

“If we wait for them to stop smothering each other, we're gonna starve,” Hunk said, making Keith and Lance break apart. 

“Ah, shut up,” Lance said, blushing. “Okay, babe. Where do you wanna eat? You're the star tonight, it's your pick.” 

“I don't mind-” Hunk and Pidge started protesting insisting on Keith choosing a place he liked. As they talked, Lance couldn't help but search for Roland, wondering still what could've happened for Shiro to have reached the way he had. 

He saw him near the stage pieces, having stopped halfway from hauling one to a lift in favor of staring at Lance. His eyebrows narrowed, eyes skimming Lance up and down before he hefted the stage piece back up and started walking. It made Lance feel self conscious and he leaned further into Keith. 

Lance followed the guy with his eyes and saw as Roland looked back over his shoulder before leaving. He shook his head and walked out, leaving Lance unsettled. He looked at Keith who was laughing at something Pidge and Hunk had said, completely oblivious. And it clicked. 

He recalled the way Shiro had originally approached him after catching him leaving Keith’s room. With the way Roland seemed to size Lance up, the only connection was Keith. He wondered if maybe he’d figured out the ex. And if`so what had happened between them not only to make Keith so unsure about Lance, but to cause Shiro to get so angry. 

But Keith was happy right now. And he’d just finished a performance. Lance didn’t want to ruin that by trying to interrogate Keith about someone who was obviously a bad part of his past. 

“Alright, so where we headed?” 

“I’ve been craving What-A-Burger,” Keith admitted. 

“Sweet. What-A-Burger it is. We carpooling, or-?” 

“I can drive me and Hunk there. You take Keith. And please no pit stops.” 

Keith and Lance both blushed, but Lance was the one muttering to Pidge for her to shut up. They left the ballrooms and headed to the parking lot. Lance noticed that Keith’s hand was relatively loose in his own, and he seemed a bit skittish. 

He waited for Pidge and Hunk to get to her Cooper before he loosened his own hand a bit. “Do you not want me to hold your hand?” he asked, hoping his tone didn’t make Keith think he’d be offended. 

“I don’t mind…. I just don’t know if you want to or… if you’re just holding my hand because I started holding yours.” He shrugged, one eyebrow raised, but his face stoic. 

Lance chuckled and shook his head. “I got really happy when you decided to grab my hand. I don’t want to hide this. I don’t want to hide  _ you.”  _ Keith’s expression turned gentle, eyes focused on him fully. “I don’t know if me making out with you like a fucking maniac in front of your brother clued you in on that or not.” 

That made Keith burst into laughter and he pulled Lance closer, lips brushing against his cheek and down to his lips. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were ready to rip my clothes off then and there.” 

“Oh absolutely.” Keith laughed against his lips, playfully swiping his tongue across them. 

Suddenly they heard someone honking, making them jump. He turned to see a silver mini-cooper, the window rolled down as Hunk and Pidge looked at them with disbelief. “You guys haven’t even gotten to the  _ car!”  _ Pidge shouted. 

“Do we need to split you guys up?” Hunk added, his arm hanging out the window. 

“Haha, very funny. We’re going.” 

“We’re ordering whether you guys are there or not,” Pidge threatened. “You’ll have alone time when we finish eating.” Then she waved and drove off, blasting a song on the radio. 

“Are they like that with everyone?” Keith asked. Lance raised an eyebrow. “Like with everyone you like. Do they do the whole teasing thing?” 

“Oh.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows, not wanting to think about her with Keith there. Still, the memories of Hunk and Pidge’s teasing when Lance started getting invested in Allura surfaced, making him nostalgic in a bittersweet way. “Yeah. Kind of. But it doesn’t happen a lot.” Keith hummed and looked at him curiously, but didn’t say anything else. Lance wondered if he believed him. 

They walked over to Lance’s car, this time their hands a little more certain around the other’s. 

Lance gave Keith free reign of the music, unsurprised to hear Queen and other 80s rock playing. He liked hearing Keith sing along, his voice soft and raspy, easily flowing. He tapped his hands on his knees, imitating the drumbeat, and Lance couldn’t help but smile at that. 

They reached What-A-Burger, about a couple seconds after Hunk and Pidge, seeing as they were getting out of the car as Lance was parking his. Though this time, Keith didn’t move to hold his hand. He stayed near, their arms brushing, but his hand stayed in his jacket pocket. Lance told himself not to read into it. 

While they were eating, the conversation mostly consisted of Pidge and Hunk asking questions about the dances. About the routine of practice, about how they came up with the choreography, about what each dance was supposed to mean. They offered their input, Lance occasionally adding his two cents in, but mostly eating his burger and gauging Keith’s reactions. They’d been talking about each dance couple, just not in order. 

So Lance panicked when Roland was brought up, and he hoped they didn’t mention Shiro’s reaction. 

“He did pretty good, but I was kind of thrown off by the bandage. I gotta give the girl props for keeping a straight face,” Hunk mused. Keith chuckled at that, which confused Lance. It didn’t fit with his developing theory. Then again, Keith was good at expressing only the emotions he wanted to express. “I don’t know if this is too personal, but do he and Shiro-”

“So who was the girl you got paired with? Alexa? I saw her say something to you at the end to make you blush,” Lance said, stumbling over his words to drown out Hunk’s dying question. 

Keith looked uncomfortable and his eyes settled on Lance, not quite as warm as they had been before they got in the car. “Oh, yeah. She’s pretty cool. She’s been in dance about as long as me. She just asked if the guy making me laugh in the front row was the same one who made me show up to rehearsals Monday with my neck matching my eyes.” Despite the blasé tone, he was blushing, and in turn, Lance was blushing. 

Hunk chuckled and nodded. “They’re still pretty prominent, buddy.” 

“I know, but the concealer felt gross on my neck, so I wiped it off.” He shrugged. “They’ll go away soon enough.”

“Bold of you to assume Lance isn’t planning on replacing them,” Pidge snorted. Lance threw a fry at her, but she just grabbed it and stuffed it in her mouth. He didn’t say anything in response… she wasn’t wrong. 

Once they were done with their food, and had goofed off well after eating, they left. Pidge went to drop Hunk off and start homework. Meanwhile Lance took Keith back to his apartment at Keith’s request. He was a little nervous about what that meant, but he figured it would be a good time to talk a bit without Hunk and Pidge’s light teasing, and of course to make out without making a fool of himself in front of Shiro.

As they went inside, he noticed Keith looking around even though he'd seen the place before. Lance wasn't sure why his heart was beating so quickly and obnoxiously. 

“I was nervous,” Keith said suddenly. Lance cleared his throat and hummed inquisitively. “I mean, I'm always a little nervous before performing. It's a big deal. But I was…  _ shaking  _ when I walked up there. Knowing you were in the crowd.” Lance bit his lip and began to apologize. “Then I caught a glimpse of you. How you looked at me while I was up there.” He chuckled softly and turned around, crossing the room to stand in front of him. “I don't think anyone's ever looked at me that way before.” 

“You were hypnotizing, Keith. You're an amazing dancer, and… it means a lot to me that you invited me to watch.” Keith gave him a small smile. “Can I ask you something?” Keith tensed a bit, his eyes flickering up to look at him, his chin raising like he wanted to establish some sort of power over the moment. “Do you… like girls too? I realize I never actually asked your sexuality and I don't really fully know mine, but I sort of assumed-” 

“Wait. What?” Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “Aha. Um. No, I don't like girls. I'm gay.” Lance let out a breath of relief and Keith looked at him uncertainly. “Why?” 

Lance blushed and started messing with the laces of Keith's hoodie. “Just… the way you danced with Alexa was really touchy. Kind of intense.” He shrugged and looked off to the side. “I wasn't sure if you had a thing going there or if you guys are just that good at pretending for a dance.” 

A finger tilted Lance's face back and Keith arched an eyebrow, dark hair falling in his eyes. “You got jealous?” 

“No! No, no, no. Not jealous. Just…. Nervous I guess. I wasn't sure…. If you liked her then I thought…. I don't know.” Keith stared at him, waiting, but Lance didn't know how to voice it. 

Did he wish it had been him up there with Keith running his hands all over? Of course. But he hasn't been jealous. He just worried that if she wanted Keith too, she could get him faster because they already danced so well together and… it sounded childish, he knew. It was why he didn't want to speak much. 

He took a different route instead. “You're pretty strong, huh? Lifted her right over your head.” Keith smirked. “I don't know how she could stay so calm with you touching her like that.” 

“We're dancers. It's just part of it,” Keith whispered, partially sounding like an explanation, partially like a reassurance. Lance hummer and tilted his face toward Keith, asking for a kiss, but wanting Keith to initiate it. 

Thankfully, he took the hint and pressed a hand against Lance's face, tilting him further for a kiss. His mouth was soft, gentle due to some hesitancy rather than caution. Lance pressed further into it, parting his lips and slowly making his way past Keith's. When Lance put his hand at the nape of his neck to deepen the kiss, to taste his mouth properly and kiss him like he'd been dying to all week, Keith other hand pressed into his hip and pressed him back against the nearest wall. 

Lance grunted, only reacting by biting Keith's lower lip. He felt Keith using his body to keep him pinned as he leaned in to bite and suck at his neck. Lance gasped and ran his hands through his hair, grasping onto handfuls of soft raven locks as he tilted his head back. “Is this payback?” he moaned softly. 

Keith shushed him and let his hands travel down to Lance's thighs, hoisting him up in one go. Lance yelped and automatically wrapped his legs around him to keep from falling. Keith kept his hands under Lance's knees, holding him up. “Wanna tell me where your room is?” 

“Left door, hallway,” Lance whispered against his mouth, his head reeling. Keith didn't even stumble, didn't seem to strain himself at all as he took him to the room. Lance fumbled with the doorknob and Keith laughed as they got inside, kissing wherever their lips landed. 

Keith tossed him onto the bed and leaned over him, running his hands under Lance's shirt as he set to marking his neck. Lance squirmed and panted softly under him, wanting more than anything to be unravelled slowly by that mouth. 

Lance threaded their fingers together and brought his hand up to kiss his knuckles. When he opened his eyes, he noticed the slight discoloration and furrowed his eyebrows. “Babe, what happened?” he asked, running his thumb over the fading bruises. 

“Nothing,” Keith snapped a little too harshly, yanking his hand away for Lance believe it even a little. He smiled, but it didn't reach eyes. Didn't make his nose scrunch up or his cheeks color. “I'm fine.” 

He leaned in to kiss him again, and while Lance let him, it was hard to kiss back. Like a flash, he remembered Roland’s bruised face, his split lip, bandaged nose…. Had Keith done that? 

“Keith.” A frustrated sigh above him made the uneasy feeling in him worsen. “What happened to your hand? Who did you hit?” 

“No one. It's nothing. Are you gonna kiss me back or not?” 

Lance stared at him in shock before he pushed him away and sat up. He looked at Keith, a deep flush in his neck and face, but not from embarrassment or being flustered. This one seemed angry, especially with the expression on his face. 

He stood up and Lance blurted, “Was it you? You messed Roland’s face up?” 

“He deserved it, don't fucking worry about it.” 

“Why?” Keith scowled and started for the door, but Lance rushed forward, stopping him from getting to the door. “Keith, please. Please talk to me.” He wouldn't look at Lance. His eyes were distant, his jaw set, and he kept freeing himself of Lance's grasp.

“What do you care if I got in a fight? What does it matter?” 

“It matters because you reacted like this. Because Shiro looked furious the second he saw him. Because… it terrifies me to think of you getting so angry, you leave his face looking like that. And that's after what Hunk says has been at least two or so days of healing.” Keith sighed and shook his head. “Why won't you talk to me?” 

“I don't want to,” Keith spat. “I should go.” 

“You don't have to tell me everything, it can be a general idea, but just… please talk yo me, tell me what you're thinking, why…. Why do we keep doing this… back and forth? Like you wanna be with me one second then pull away the next?” 

His eyes finally settled on him, intense, shimmering indigo. He looked… afraid. Like he was taking Lance's image in one last time. “I just wanted to enjoy this a little longer,” he muttered. 

Something twisted in Lance's stomach. How bad was this? “Keith… what's going on? What did you do?” 

“I didn't do anything!” he shouted defensively. He ran his hand through his hair and moved to sit back down on the bed. “Fuck it. This was bound to happen,” he muttered, crossing his arms over his knees. He didn’t look at Lance as he spoke. “I… I met him when I had him for class. I ran into him once when I was going to a rehearsal, and he was… really upset. I had never seen him like that so I tried to help. He'd broken up with his girlfriend, and I had no idea what to do, so I just… invited him to practice so he could watch, have something to do.”

Lance moved slowly sitting next to him, listening raptly. Keith sighed and kept talking, telling Lance about the boy he brought into this world of dance that had saved him in hopes of helping him get saved too. About how each dance practice increased their closeness, and in turn slowly became a little flirtier. Until the day they stayed after practice was over, goofing off and still rehearsing, teasing the other until suddenly they were kissing. 

Only for Roland to beg him to keep it between them, not wanting rumors or questions or publicity. It had never been officially stated, but with the amount of kissing and touching, and shortly after the sex, Keith had assumed they were dating. And he'd respected each boundary placed, believed each time Roland said he cared about him, that Keith was different. The words he used were so similar to some of Lance's own, it made a dead weight settle in his stomach. 

And then one day, seemingly out of nowhere, Roland told Keith to stop touching him, kissing him, to stay away. Keith's hands were shaking with the anger he was holding, his voice low and sharp. “After everything he told me, he left me feeling like some kind of manipulative pervert. He said I'd taken advantage of his vulnerability and convinced him to do things he wouldn't have if I hadn't gained his trust. He said he wasn't even gay or anything, that… he still loved his ex-girlfriend and was getting her back. That I had to stay out of his life.” Keith ran a hand through his hair, his jaw clenching and unclenching. “I was a mess, Lance. I'm a fucking foster kid, and… I'd never felt so used and unwanted than I did after Roland. I wouldn't eat. I thought he was right, I thought i was a monster, I thought I….” He took a breath and scowled at his hands in his lap. “Shiro didn't know how to help me. He tried being nice and gentle, he tried being stern, he tried ignoring it, he tried staying with me all day, I just…. He hated seeing me that way. He hates Roland for what he did.” 

“Keith…. God, that's… horrible. God it makes so much sense now, why Shiro doesn't like me, why you're terrified to let me in, and I…. I don't even know how I could change that.” 

Keith looked at him, eyes solemn. “You wanted to know why I hit him. Colleen made me captain on Monday. Which was Roland’s title. A title I fucking got him to by talking to Colleen and catching him up on dances and  _ telling  _ him to….” Keith shook his head in frustration. “He cornered me in the bathroom after rehearsal. Said I was always fucking up his life, and then he saw the hickeys and that's….” Keith took a slow breath and looked at Lance with that same fear from the start. “He said you're gonna realize you don't like me and you'll want to forget me, just like he did. He said it's what I was good at, making straight guys want to experiment, basically. I just… got so mad. I needed him to shut up because I already think all of that myself and I didn't-” 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Lance said, grabbing his hands. Keith's voice was getting panicked, and he wanted to bring him back. He recalled the way Keith had suddenly stopped coming onto him when Lance admitted he was the first guy he'd been with. The constant put down about Lance being straight and not wanting to be an experiment. How surprised he always got when Lance was affectionate in the smallest way in public. 

“Why are you crying?” Lance blinked and wiped his eyes chuckling humorlessly. “The back and forth… it's because I  _ want  _ to believe you. But you said it yourself, you don’t know what- and I-” 

“I know,” Lance whispered, bringing his hands to his lips, kissing the bruises, telling himself not to cry. This was Keith’s story, not his, and he knew Keith wouldn’t want his pity. “I get it. God, I understand now more than ever.” He sighed and moved his hands to cup Keith’s face, making sure he looked him in the eyes. The skin under his hands became warmer and he could feel the hesitance of Keith wanting to talk before deciding against it and clenching his jaw. 

Lance smiled and took a deep breath. “Keith, I’m not going anywhere, okay? I know it’ll take time for you to believe me, but that’s okay. I’m not in a rush.” Keith’s eyebrows knitted together, eyes wide and focused on him. “I may not know what my sexuality is, exactly, but I don’t need a label to tell me how much I like you. I like you so much, it scares me. It scares me how quickly I’ve been falling for you. How intensely I miss you without even realizing it until you’re with me, how comfortable I am with you. I like you, Keith. And that will always be true. Even if for some reason we don’t work out, I’m never going to say this wasn’t real.” 

Keith smiled and leaned into one of his hands. “I believe that you mean that right now,” he whispered. Lance sighed, but he nodded. For now, that would be enough. For Keith to know he was serious right now, even if he wasn’t sure about later. They could work on that. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess. It shouldn’t be this complicated to be with someone.” 

Lance laughed and shook his head. “It’s worth it,  _ cariño.  _ I wouldn’t bother if I didn’t think so. And I’m a mess too. You’ll see.” Keith rolled his eyes and Lance smiled cheekily. He let the silence settle for a moment, both of their expressions getting a little more serious. Lance ran his thumb along his cheek bone, as Keith’s eyes shut. “Thank you for talking to me.” Keith hummed and smiled, keeping his eyes closed. “Did you still want to go home?” 

His eyes opened, a soft lilac color. “Actually… I’m pretty sure Adam and Shiro are… busy over there. Do you think I could stay here?” 

Lance laughed at that. “Of course. Do you need a change of clothes?” 

“Yeah. I kind of need a shower too.” Lance nodded and immediately went to get him some clothes to sleep in and a towel so he could shower. “Thanks….” 

“I’ll be in the living room. Just let me know when you’re done, yeah?” Keith nodded, and Lance started to leave, but Keith grabbed his hand and pulled him back, kissing him quickly on the lips before pulling away and ducking into the bathroom. Lance had to take a moment to get his brain to catch up and stumbled dumbly out to the living room. He decided to work on homework since he skipped class that day, but it wasn’t long before Keith came back out, wet hair pushed back, shirtless with just the shorts Lance lent him, showing off the muscle of his calves. 

The sight of him made Lance’s heart stutter. He sat down beside Lance, peeking over at his work, but not saying anything as he focused on the TV show Lance had put on in the background. Lance continued working on his homework, smiling to himself when Keith leaned against him. He ran his fingers through the wet hair, smiling. 

They watched about three episodes in comfortable silence, a silence needed for both of them after the conversation they’d had. Keith’s hair was still damp, and it was interesting to see the way it looked pushed back. Keith looked a new level of hot with it like that, and Lance suddenly wanted to see him in a suit with his hair slicked back. 

“Are you ready for bed?” Keith asked suddenly, noticing how Lance had put away his work. Lance nodded and they turned off the TV to go to the room. “You wanna be the little spoon?” Keith asked with a smirk. 

“Mm, I like being the little spoon, but if you want to, I won’t mind.” 

Keith laughed and got into the bed, opening his arms. “Come on, little spoon.” Lance rolled his eyes, but most definitely did not turn down the opportunity. He turned so his back was pressed against Keith’s torso, and stared at the way the street lights outside and the moon filtered through his thin curtain to cast silver shadows along his wall. 

He yawned and intertwined his fingers through Keith’s. “Sorry I ruined the mood earlier.” 

Keith chuckled gruffly in his ear, his nose nudging his shoulder as he bit him playfully. “It’s okay, pretty boy. Go to sleep.” Lance hummed sleepily and let the warmth of Keith’s body heat, the blankets, and his giddiness lull him to sleep. 


	7. Addiction

The words kept bouncing around in his head as he stared at the shadowed wall.  _ I don't need a label to tell me how much I like you.  _ He looked down at the sleeping form curled up into a ball, holding Keith's arms in place around him. 

According to the clock on the bookshelf near the bed, it was a little past two in the morning. Usually it was frustrating being unable to sleep. Keith often passed the time watching YouTube or Netflix on his phone, or he'd toss around removing his clothes little by little if they aggravated him, or he got up and paced around, or he'd go to the gas station. 

But here, the insomnia wasn't totally bad. Because he was paying attention to the way Lance breathed in his sleep, his occasional sigh and a hum slipping through now and then. He was taking in the details of the room, the small posters in framed that said things like  _ create,  _ or  _ Live life to the fullest because there is no take two,  _ and the calendar pinned up, covered in bright neon sticky notes with reminders near the door. He noticed the bookshelf was full, and he was filled with curiosity about what books Lance read. 

Everything about Lance felt so new. He had come here with every intention of getting laid, wanting to get as much out of this as he could while he could. He had planned on indulging in the little moments, on enjoying the sex as much as he could, and accepted the pain that would come when whatever they had inevitably ended. 

But Lance kept taking him by surprise. Keith unconsciously tightened his arms around him and he smiled to himself. He started brushing the short locks of his hair back, positioning them to flow back along the curve of his ear. 

He heard the sharp default ringtone of his phone pierce through the silence, and he jumped, taking a sudden breath. In his arms, Lance only shifted slightly, eyebrows burrowing before he relaxed again and continued sleeping. Keith slowly moved his arms away and gently removed himself from the covers. The coldness of the room made goosebumps rise on his skin as he walked to where he'd left his phone. The phone stopped ringing as Keith searched the pockets then immediately started again. 

“Shit,” he muttered, finally finding it. Sure enough it had Shiro’s face flashing at him. “Hello?” 

“Jesus, Keith. I texted you a couple times and you didn't answer, are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I'm alright. I'm at Lance's….” He hurried out of the room, though he doubted Lance would wake up from hearing him.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Keith started to apologize, but then Shiro said, “Yeah, yeah, get me my wallet. Dammit Keith, you cost me fifteen bucks.” 

Keith paused in the hallway and narrowed his eyes. “Did you make a fucking  _ bet  _ on me? I thought you said you were worried!” 

“I was! I made the bet before I got worried. Adam said you went home with him. I thought you'd come back since you seem so unsure of him. When I didn't hear from you after like one in the morning, proper brotherly panic set in.” 

Keith scowled at the couch. “Right. Well, I figured you and Adam would want alone time-” 

“Aw, Keith, I would thank you if I didn't know that was a bullshit excuse to stay with Lance for the night.” Keith's face flushed. He began to stammer, but Shiro cut him off. “Okay, but in all seriousness, are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I'm alright. We just talked. I told him about Roland.” There was silence on the phone. He heard Shiro repeating what he said and a muffled voice responding. “I wasn't planning to, but he saw how you got when Hunk was talking to Roland, and he saw the bruises on my hands, so he asked and…. He looked really freaked out and I told him.” 

“Are you okay?” 

“Shiro, please stop asking that. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm… great. Lance is really… understanding. I dunno, I don't want to expect anything, but I can't help but feel like he means it.” It was quiet again. Keith could hear Adam saying something but he couldn't make out what. He thought of Lance's comment earlier after Keith had told him what Roland did. “He thinks you don't like him.” 

“I don't really know him,” Shiro said quietly. “All I know is he walked out of your room during one of our parties after having sex with you, he showed up again later to take you on a date, and he smothered you in kisses the second he saw you today.” Shiro took a breath and continued. “I'm wary of him. But I'd be wary of anyone with an interest in you because you're my little brother. You're telling me he's genuine and I wanna support that and believe it, but… I want to see it for myself too.” 

“I don't really know how that would happen, it's not like you can chaperone one of our dates or something.” 

“Double date!” Adam shouted. Keith felt the blood drain from his face. 

“I'm not going on a double date with my brother!” Keith groaned and rubbed his face in frustration. “Look, I'll see if he… I don't know wants to have dinner with us or something just…. Please don't make it seem like a meeting the parents kind of thing.” 

“I'll wear a tweed jacket and everything.” Keith muttered a curse under his breath and Shiro laughed. “Alright, I'll let you go. Try to get some sleep. Love you.” 

“Love you too, Shiro. And pay Adam, asshole.” Shiro grumbled and hung up. Keith shook his head and looked at his phone. 

He had four messages from Shiro over a span of a couple hours. And another message from an unknown number. 

_ Can we talk _

Keith frowned. It had been sent about an hour ago. He answered by asking who it was, though he didn't expect a response at this hour. He went to get a bottle of water, and started walking back to Lance's room when he felt his phone buzz. 

_ Roland  _

Keith stared at the name in confusion. He felt anger and frustration and uncertainty swirl in him and clenched his phone a little too hard. Another message came in. 

_ I kno it's weird but we're always around each other in dance may as well talk  _

Keith scowled and deleted the messages, tossing his phone on the counter. He walked back to Lance's room and walked in, fully intending on wrapping himself around Lance. 

But as he got inside, he saw the bookcase again. He wasn't sleepy yet, so he stopped in front of it, squinting to read the titles. 

_ The Collected Poems of Sylvia Plath. Milk & Honey. The Essential Rumi. The Odyssey.  _ Poetry. So many types of poetry. Some titles were in Spanish. Keith felt like he should've figured as much. Lance was such a romantic, it made sense that he liked poetry. He had a couple series too. One looked like it was about angels. He recognized the  _ Hunger Games _ trilogy. And there were various books that looked like leather bound journals with papers sticking out. 

There were a few books that didn't seem to fit the rest, and also didn't seem like college textbooks. A few biographies and couple nonfiction books about moments in history. It didn't seem to fit Lance's tastes, and he was certain Lance hadn't even touched those books if the thin layer of dust on them when he touched them said anything. 

As he looked at them, he heard Lance shuffle on the bed. He looked over, smiling at the way his silhouette was outlined in silver light. 

Then he shifted again and grunted, pulling the covers closer, hand reaching out. Keith frowned, watching as he pulled himself up and stared at the empty space next to him. 

“Lance?” 

Lance flinched and turned, exhaling as he plopped back on the bed. “Jesus. I thought… you'd left.” 

Keith smiled and walked over, sitting beside him. “Nah. Shiro called to see if I was okay. You slept through it, though. It was just looking at your books.” 

“Oh.” Lance yawned and burrowed himself into his pillow. “Aren't you tired?” 

Keith smiled and reached forward to run his hand through his hair. “Not really. I usually fall asleep around five or six.” Lance's eyes widened and Keith shook his head. “It's just sometimes. My sleep schedule gets weird close to performances.” 

Lance frowned and sat up. “Well d’you want company? I can make hot chocolate.” 

Keith felt something warm bloom in his chest as he looked at Lance's sleep-ridden face, eyes blinking slowly, his hair swishing in various directions. He chuckled and shook his head. “I'm okay.” 

Lance yawned and draped himself over Keith's shoulder. “You sure? It's really good. Used to drink it all the time when I was little. Has cima-cinan-ci-” 

Keith laughed. “Cinnamon?” Lance nodded and ran his fingers through Keith's hair. “Maybe in the morning. Go back to sleep.” 

“Mm, not if you're awake,” he mumbled. 

Keith laughed again and turned to press a kiss to Lance's forehead. His pretty blue eyes opened, a little more awake and slightly surprised. “Alright then.” He stood up and crawled over to the other side of the bed, laying down, and scooping Lance back close to him. Only this time, he made sure they were facing each other. “Now will you go to sleep?” 

Lance smiled and threw an arm over Keith's middle. “Yeah. Just don't go anywhere.” 

The way he said that tugged at Keith's chest. It was so strange to have someone want him around this much, this outwardly. Keith bumped their noses together. “I'm not going anywhere, pretty boy.” 

Lance hummed again and was fast asleep within seconds. Keith couldn't help but laugh. He listened to his slow breaths as the clock continued to show the passing minutes, hours of the night. 

His mind raced with thoughts. About why Roland suddenly wanted to talk, about Shiro and his own hesitancy even when he was encouraging Keith to try, about Lance how terrifying it was to be with him while also being exciting. Keith had no idea if he would be able to be as vulnerable as a relationship required. He didn't want it to get thrown back in his face again.

Before he could lose himself in his thoughts, he pulled himself back. He just wanted to enjoy this moment. For once, he didn't want to think about the various ways things could get ruined. Instead, he tightened his grip around Lance, smiling when he heard him sigh, and let himself fall asleep. 

When he woke back up, the sun was filtering in through the blinds and Lance was half draped over his chest. Keith looked up to see the time on the clock. Nine in the morning. Keith had a class at ten thirty, so he untangled himself from Lance's embrace. 

Lance just grumbled and spread out on his stomach, wrapping his arms around the pillow and arching his back as his legs stretched out. Keith's eyes followed the way his shirt hiked up and his arm muscles flexed slightly before relaxing with a huff. 

He chuckled and leaned over to kiss his cheek lightly. Sure enough, Lance didn't even stir. 

Keith went into the bathroom to freshen up and change, thankful he had most of his stuff in his duffel bag from dance. He was done within fifteen minutes. 

He went back to the bed and shook Lance, not bothering to be gentle because that wouldn't wake him. Lance frowned and opened his eyes, looking confused. 

“I gotta get to class, Lance,” Keith whispered. “I'm gonna get a Lyft, but I wanted to let you know-” 

“But chocolate.” Keith snorted and raised an eyebrow at him. Lance rubbed his face and sat up. “I said I'd make you hot chocolate. What time is your class?” 

“I've got another hour.” Lance nodded and tossed his legs over the side, stretching up before standing. “Your class today isn't until eleven, go back to sleep.” 

“I'm already up.” Lance took his hand and pulled him closer pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Come on, it won't take long.” 

Keith smiled and followed him out to the kitchen. His phone was on the counter and he remembered the message from last night. Keith turned it on and saw he was on low battery and had three messages. One from Shiro reminding him to get to class and two from Roland that he didn't bother opening. 

Lance was humming a song under his breath while he grabbed a small pot, some milk, and a yellow box with an old woman smiling on top. Keith stood next to him, watching as he plopped a solid circle of chocolate into the milk and began stirring gently. 

“When I was little, my sister Veronica and I would always sneak into the pantry when my mom wasn't looking and eat the chocolate tablets. Even now, I do it by myself and I feel like I'm breaking some rule,” he said with a fond smile. 

Keith looked at him, fascinated with the way he made grogginess look good. His hair was a tousled mess and he had the imprint of a blanket on his cheek, his eyes still puffy with sleep. But Keith still thought he looked beautiful. With long limbs covered in light freckles and bright blue eyes that seemed to get more vibrant in the morning sunlight. And that serene smile on his face from fond childhood memories triggered by the smell of chocolate. 

His heart stuttered in his chest and he felt a new kind of nervousness just standing there beside him. Fresh giddiness like this was a new crush he was experiencing, all excitement and wonder. In a way it kind of was because he was finally letting it. He was finally accepting it. 

“What are you looking at?” Lance asked, his eyes flitting to him. Keith shook his head and smiled, pressing a kiss to his cheek and then his jawline and then his neck. “Keith,” He said through a light laugh. “Don't distract me, the milk will burn.” 

Keith smiled and skimmed his lips along Lance's jawline. “Mm, sorry.” 

“You're touchy this morning,” Lance noted as he tilted his head to the side, baring his neck. There were a couple hickeys Keith managed to make the night before, but they were light. Keith decided to fix that. “ _ Oh,”  _ Lance breathed out, putting his hand on the counter and the other over Keith's hand… which was slowly making its way under his shirt. “Fuck.” 

Keith pulled away and smiled at the dark purple hue of the hickey against Lance's honey brown skin. He hummed and looked up at Lance's face, the current euphoria on it as he closed his eyes and let his mouth fall open slightly. 

“You're gorgeous,” Keith whispered. 

Lance's eyes burst open as his cheeks reddened. It was immensely satisfying being the one causing the blushing instead of being made to blush. 

“Oh my God,” he mumbled, abandoning the spoon and the pot in favor of hugging Keith and burying his face in the crook of his shoulder. 

Keith laughed and tickled his sides, causing Lance to burst into laughter as he squirmed. “What happened to burning the hot chocolate?” 

“You're still distracting me!” he said, laughing into Keith's jacket. “No, no, no, stop, I can't- Keith!” He finally relented, instead wrapping his arms around his torso to bring him into a hug. “This is new,” Lance said, still chuckling slightly. 

“I'm happy.” 

Lance pulled back and tilted Keith's toward him with a finger. “Good. Me too.” He leaned in to kiss him, but stopped before their lips did more than brush against each other. “Shit, I still have morning breath-” 

Keith put a hand at the back of his neck and pulled him in all the way. He kissed him and kissed him and kissed him, elated by the way their lips moved together like a perfectly choreographed dance routine. 

“ _ Shit the milk!”  _ Lance suddenly gasped against his lips. He pulled away and returned to the pot which had begun to bubble over and into the fire, sizzling. Keith couldn't help but laugh to himself as he watched Lance salvage what was still in the pot. He poured the milk into a thermos and what was left into a mug. He handed the thermos to Keith with a smile. “Don’t freak if there’s a film over it when you leave it, it does that.” Keith nodded, but before he could answer, Lance said, “Also, I can drive you to school if you want? Or to your place so you can get your motorcycle. No need for a Lyft or anything.” 

“Okay,” he said, if only to have a little more time with him. “Could you take me to campus? I like having time before class so I don’t feel super rushed.” 

“You got it, let me just get my shoes and a sweater.” Lance left his mug on the counter and disappeared into his room. He came back a little bit later in a cozy-looking hoodie with his keys in one hand. “Come on.” Keith grabbed his duffel bag, and Lance grabbed his hand when they left the apartment. “Did you sleep okay? Did you sleep at all?” 

Keith laughed and nodded. “Yeah I slept a bit. And I slept well.” They got to Lance’s car and he handed Keith the aux cord. “My phone doesn’t have too much battery.”

“You can use mine.” Lance handed his phone over and Keith scrolled through songs, adding some the queue. He took Lance’s hand, keeping his grip loose in case Lance needed both hands for turning or something. He hummed along to the music and enjoyed the sound of Lance’s low singing, still riddled with sleep and sounding beautifully hoarse. 

When they got to campus, Keith directed him toward the building his class was in. Lance parked near the curb and turned on his hazard lights. “Thanks for waking me up. Not to sound clingy, but I might have panicked if I woke up and you were gone. At least until I remembered that college classes were a thing.” 

Keith scoffed and squeezed his hand. “I told you I wouldn’t go anywhere.” Lance’s face softened. “And I really am glad we talked yesterday.”

“Me too. You seem… more sure about this.” 

Keith bit his lip and nodded. “Yeah. I feel better about this. But I also wanna let you know, I’m not sure how long it’ll last. M-my head, it gets messy and I-”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Lance said, touching his face with his free hand. “Don’t worry. I’ll reassure and remind you as much as I need to.” He leaned forward and kissed him lightly. Keith caught the scent of spearmint. “We’re still on for our date Friday, right?” Keith nodded and Lance smiled brightly at him. “Good.” 

He leaned forward again and Keith kissed him. Keith had kissed plenty of people before. For a game, in drunken stupor, out of naivety, or just for the hell of it when he was bored. But no one had ever kissed him the way Lance did. Lance kissed him in this way that felt like he was being attentive to anything Keith did. It didn’t feel selfish or one sided or uneven and awkward. If Keith kissed harder, Lance responded the same way. If Keith was hesitant, Lance coaxed him into it. If Keith wanted it to last longer, Lance was slower, deliberate… like he was now. It made Keith feel like he was melting on the spot. 

“Mm, I gotta go, and if I keep kissing you, I’m not gonna want to leave.” 

“Sounds good to me,” Lance murmured, kissing the corner of his mouth. 

Keith laughed and pushed him away, but Lance wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in as he playfully pressed kisses all over his face. Keith laughed harder, cringing as Lance’s lips and breaths tickled him. “Lance!” 

Lance laughed as he finally pulled back. “Okay, okay. Go be smart and stuff. I have to get home and get ready for class too.” 

Keith kissed him one more time before finally saying goodbye. “I’ll see you later.” Lance nodded and smiled as Keith got out of the car and waved. He drove off and Keith rubbed his cheeks, simultaneously aggravated with how much they hurt while completely unable to stop smiling for longer than a second. 

When he turned around, he felt all that joy twist itself into immediate anger. Roland was standing a little further down the sidewalk. He had a strange look on his face, his cheeks a bright red and his eyebrows furrowed. Keith scowled and turned to go into his building, not sparing a glance back even when he heard Roland call his name. 

He couldn’t find it in himself to feel even slightly bad for the bandage on his nose or the split lip. Not after the things he’d said. Not after all the memories of the way he’d felt after Roland. Especially not after he level of doubt he’d managed to seep into his dynamic with Lance. 

He knew he’d have to see Roland at rehearsals, but he could ignore him there too, if he was smart about it. If he kept everyone busy, moving, if he kept his distance. Roland didn’t get to take Keith’s time up anymore. 

For the rest of the day, Keith didn't get any more messages and he didn't run into Roland. When rehearsals came around, Keith noticed Roland looking at him more. It made him uncomfortable. He didn't want to get cornered again, and he didn't want to risk another fight. 

Colleen wasn't stupid. Keith knew that she knew it had been Keith who rearranged Roland's face. But with both of them holding their tongues, she overlooked it. Keith knew she wouldn't if Roland came back looking worse. He knew it would risk his position as captain. 

Keith did his best to ignore it, texting Lance on his breaks and staying near Colleen, making pointless small talk and observations. He knew that Roland wouldn't go up to him if he stayed with her. 

Except he forgot that Colleen was Pidge's mom- something she'd told him when they were eating the night before. So she gave him a steady look and a raised eyebrow as she asked in that way that suggested he'd better not bullshit her, “If I recall correctly, I saw Lance kissing you after the performance yesterday. What's that about?” 

“Oh. Um. Yes. I don't… I don't know. We like each other-” 

“You're dating  _ Lance? _ ” 

Keith gulped. “Why… did you say it like that? And no not… officially or anything….” 

Colleen pursed her lips. “Because I've known that boy since he was seven years old. And I didn't think….” She hesitated and shrugged. 

Keith rolled his eyes. “Didn't think he liked guys?” Colleen only smiled and nodded. “Yeah. He says it's new. But I think he means it.” 

“Oh I have no doubt Lance means anything and everything he tells you. I've always known him to be a sweet boy. I used to think he might end up with my Katie, but their friendship never developed into that. Then he started dating and-” She waved a hand and shrugged as if to say,  _ oh well.  _ “But yes. Lance is one of the most honest and genuine young men I know. And you're one of the most passionate and dedicated. So I really hope neither of you ends up with a broken heart.” 

Keith grimaced and blushed. “Yeah. Me too.” 

Colleen nodded and her chin jutted out slightly. “You wanna tell me why Roland keeps eyeing you like you stole his favorite flannel?” 

Keith might've laughed at that if the mention of Roland didn't make his body go cold. “Why do you notice everything?” 

She laughed and crossed her arms. “I'm a mother of two and a college professor. It's a requirement.” Keith scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You're not gonna let it interfere with the team, are you?” 

“No. I promise. I can separate my personal and professional life.” Colleen nodded and tapped her wrist. “Alright, break is over, everyone! Regroup!” 

For another hour, the team went over dances, focusing more on the group ones. By the time they were done, Keith’s limbs burned pleasantly with exertion and he was ready to get home and take a bath before taking a much needed nap. He started ordering a Lyft, absentmindedly complimenting those who left. 

Then he saw Roland out of the corner of his eye. He looked up from his phone and scowled, grabbing his things with every intention of leaving. But Roland said, “Wait! I need help with this step.” 

“Figure it out,” Keith spat. 

“You’re captain now, right? You’re supposed to help.” 

Keith stared at him, disbelief coating his features. Was he really pulling that card? From across the room, he saw Colleen eyeing them as she packed her things. Keith had promised to separate his personal life from his position as a captain. And even if Roland was full of shit, he had no way to prove it. He was trapped. 

“Fuck you,” Keith muttered under his breath. He crossed his arms and huffed. “Which part?” 

“I can’t get to my spot fast enough when we have to do the turn and jumps. I land wrong then forget to do the shoulder thing.” 

Keith took a deep breath and gestured to the center of the room. He counted him off so he could watch and though he wasn’t sure if it was on purpose or not, Roland really wasn’t getting to his spot on time, much less managing the next move. “Alright, keep shifting your weight and use the momentum.” He stood beside him and provided the example, calling out the steps as he did them. “As soon as you land, go into the turn and reach out at the same time.” 

Roland nodded, and Keith counted off doing it with him. It was smoother that time, but still choppy. Colleen gave him a slight wave as she left the room. As Keith counted again to watch, Roland asked, “So who was that guy you-”

“None of your fucking business. This is a dance rehearsal, not gossip hour.” Roland rolled his eyes. “Focus. You landed on the wrong foot. Kick out more. Again.” 

“I forgot how much of a perfectionist you become with this,” Roland huffed, starting over. Keith scowled. “Remember that one time you wouldn’t even let me k-”

Keith yanked his arm and gripped it tight, his eyes narrowed as anger rolled through his body. “Either you shut up and work on the dance, or I leave.” 

“That guy doesn’t look like your type.”

“What the fuck do you know about my type?” Roland scoffed, arching an eyebrow and Keith shoved him away. “We’re done here.” 

He felt Roland’s hand on his arm, stopping him. “Hey, come on, I’m just kidding.” Keith snatched away and kept walking. “What made this guy so special, huh? All this time with all your flings and the parties you and your foster brother throw, then out of nowhere you’re with this twig?” Keith stopped, feeling his body heat up so badly his skin started to itch. “And he’s met Shiro?” 

It was taking everything in Keith not to burst. He didn't like being violent. And he could still hear the subtle tremor in Lance's voice, the disbelief in his eyes when he'd asked Keith if he had been the one to hit Roland. 

No matter how much he felt this asshole deserved it, he didn't want Roland to have any hold on him anymore. 

“Is it… is it just because... he kisses you in public?” Keith clenched his jaw so hard it hurt. 

_ Keep walking. Just walk away.  _

“Why him, Keith?” 

“What do you care?” Keith asked through clenched teeth. He didn't want to turn back around. He was barely keeping himself together. “We barely speak for almost a year and then you talk shit and now you wanna know about who I'm seeing?” 

It was quiet for a while. He heard footsteps and he tensed. If Roland laid a finger on him….

“Forget I said anything.” Roland’s whispered reply took Keith by surprise. He watched as he tugged a beanie over his dirty blond hair and left the room. 

Keith's body remained tense and frozen. He took a deep breath and grabbed his phone out of his pocket. Lance was done with class by now. 

Keith dialed and Lance picked up after a couple rings. 

“Hey, babe, what's up?” 

“You mind… giving me a ride home?” 

There was a slight pause before he answered. “Yeah, I can do that. Are you okay?” 

Keith took another breath and let it out with a sigh. “Just a long, busy day.” 

“Okay, well, I'll be there soon,” Lance promised. “You just finished dance, so main building, right?” 

“Yeah. Thank you.” He hung up and went outside, to wait by the steps. Lance was there within fifteen minutes. Keith got into his car and smiled at him, but Lance leaned over and kissed him lightly. “Hey.” 

“Hey. Everything okay?” 

“Just tired.” 

Lance hummed and picked up something from the cup holders. “Well, I was getting boba when you called, so I brought you one. And I thought you might be hungry so I was thinking we could stop by Chick-fil-a or something-” 

Keith leaned over and hugged him tightly, feeling the tension leave his body like streams of a river. He laughed and pressed a kiss to Lance's cheek before pulling back and smiling at him. “You're pretty amazing, you know that?” 

Lance blushed and started stammering. “Oh, I mean, it's just, you know just like, it's just food, babe, I'm not doing anything major, I-” 

Keith laughed and covered his mouth. “Would you just accept the compliment?” Lance nodded, moving with Keith's hand. “Let's go before UPD gets on your ass about being in a fire lane.” 

No, it wasn't just because Lance kissed him in public. Lance was special because he was honest. He cared. He brought Keith a drink and he was attentive to his schedule, he paid attention to the little details, he gave Keith his space and waited for him to open up, he knew when Keith wanted to talk and when he wanted to change the subject, he introduced him to friends, he woke up to make him chocolate the morning, he…. 

He fought. He fought for Keith, fought to prove himself. That's what made him special. That's what made Keith hopeful, and for once, not so afraid of letting himself be. 


	8. Side Effects

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was the chapter that had originally been cut in two but i just posted it as a full one here.

Ever since Lance had gotten Keith to tell him about Roland, he’d become a lot touchier. Lance had gotten a chance to see him a couple times since Wednesday and each time Keith would find a way to either drape himself over Lance and attack his neck or lure Lance onto his lap and kiss him until his lips were swollen and red. Lance had taken to carrying chapstick because his lips were so overworked. 

But now it was Friday night- date night. Date number two which Lance had to make the best date Keith would ever have. 

He supposed luck was to blame for the fact that Veronica video called just as he was putting his finishing touches before heading out to pick Keith up. He answered and set the phone in front of his bathroom mirror. 

“ _ Ey chaparra, que paso?”  _

“Wow,  _ prieto,  _ where are you headed off to? All dressed up.” Lance blushed and took a breath. “Lance? Oh my God are you going on a date?” 

He bit his lip and looked at the phone. “Yeah. Please don’t make a big deal out of it.” 

“What do you  _ mean  _ don’t make a big deal? It is a big deal! You haven’t gone on a date in a long time. This girl must be special.” Lance gulped. 

He didn’t want to correct her, but he didn’t want to hide Keith either. “Come on, Vero, just leave it alone. I can… talk to you about ‘em when I get a chance to see you. I was thinking of visiting Mami soon for Luis’ birthday.” 

“Mm, okay. Can I ask where you’re going, though?” 

“Carnival.” 

“Ah! That’s so cute! Damn, we did a good job raising you,  _ manito.  _ You’re such a romantic.” Lance rolled his eyes and laughed. “Alright, well I’ll let you go so you can go on your date. But I want to hear about her! Maybe meet her if things go well?” Lance didn’t say anything. He just stared and blushed. “Can I at least know her name?” 

Lance felt something churn in his stomach. The more he avoided talking about Keith, avoided correcting Veronica, the guiltier he felt. The more terrified he got. He took a breath and smiled at her. “Tell you what. If the date goes well, I’ll call and… we can talk about it.” 

Veronica’s eyes widened, an excited smile on her face. “Sweet!  _ Te quiero, flaco,  _ be a gentleman and have a great time!” She blew him a kiss and waved happily. 

Lance chuckled and waved goodbye. “Love you too,  _ chaparra.”  _ He hung up and leaned on the counter, letting out an exhale. He was suddenly ridiculously nervous now. Of course the date would go well. Things with Keith were going great. He wasn’t shutting down as much, he was a little more vocal about his thoughts, and that was just in the last couple of days. 

Which meant Lance would have to tell his sister about him. He didn’t know how he would do that. He didn’t know if he wanted it to be on the phone or in person. Or if maybe he should tell her he liked guys on the phone then waited for her reaction to decide if he could go to her and tell her about Keith. 

He wouldn’t let his mind go to what he was supposed to do if she reacted badly….

He shook the thoughts away and tried his best to clear his head. He reached for his cologne in the mirror cabinet and suddenly faltered. It was a cologne he wore on special occasions only. A cologne he’d rarely used lately. A cologne Allura bought him one Christmas. 

“Fuck,” he grunted, hating the way his mind had so quickly gone from excitement to guilt.

The dreams with Allura hadn’t stopped. Not even the night Keith stayed with him. But they were becoming vaguer. As though the memories of her were being seen through a mesh curtain or something. Sometimes Lance wondered if he was even remembering her voice correctly, but by the time he woke up he could barely recall the sound in his dream. 

As he stared at the cologne, he remembered the Christmas she’d given it to him. It was his sophomore year of college. He had some interview with one of his professors when the semester started in order to be a TA in the fall, and it was making him so nervous he couldn’t even enjoy his break. 

It was a cologne Lance had been introduced to in a store that he’d been captivated by. But it was too expensive, so he’d simply resorted to accepting a test spray before going about his day. He refused to wash the sweater he’d sprayed until Allura had told him it was too stained to even wear in public anymore. 

So when he’d torn away the wrapping paper and recognized the bottle he was speechless. They’d seen the cologne in passing, it had been months since, and it had been ridiculously expensive. But she had gotten it for him and was giving him a wide smile. 

“Wear it the day of your interview,” she’d said. “And I know you’ll get the position.” She’d kissed him and giggled at his shell-shocked expression. “Now try and enjoy the rest of the break with me, okay?” A month later, Lance wore the cologne and got the position. 

Once Lance had recovered the ability to speak, he said, “ _ Mi princesa hermosa,  _ what did I do to deserve you?” She’d blushed and given him a bright smile. “I hope you know I will only ever use this on very special occasions. Like. As in the day I propose to you and our wedding day and the day we have kids. And the interview.” 

Her laugh filled every crevice of his heart. “I’ll keep my sense of smell alert, then. You now have a very special-life changing- major events cologne.” 

He stared at the bottle he hadn’t touched since the day he went to her funeral, unsure of whether he could really ever use it again. 

A special date with Keith, the first guy to ever make Lance want to bring down the moon and stars if it’s what it took to hear his laugh, the first  _ person  _ Lance had felt so drawn to since losing Allura… didn’t that call for his special cologne? Absolutely. Still, his hand faltered as it tried to reach for it. 

_ Not this time,  _ he thought. He couldn’t do it yet. He reached for his second favorite and sprayed that one before going to sit on his bed. 

He liked Keith. More than he’d like anyone in a long time. It just hurt that Allura was still present in so many things when he was alone. When he was with Keith, he could bring himself to live in the moment, to think of him and only him. When he was with Hunk and Pidge, he was there with them, and with his family, he was happy and he was okay. Lately, when he was alone, everything was permeated with her. How much longer until it would stop? 

“I think you’d like him,” he whispered to the empty room. “You’d like how passionate he is. He makes me happy. He makes me wanna try again.” Lance felt his eyes sting, and he stared at the ceiling in hopes of stopping the tears. “I’m sorry I slept around so much. I know you hated guys like that. But I just wanted… to pretend I was fine. That I had stopped missing you. And then Keith came along and…. I wasn’t even gonna go to that party. And now I’m head over heels for him.” He swallowed and buried his face in his hands. “That doesn’t mean everything we had isn’t important anymore…. Right? It doesn’t mean I love you less. I just… I don’t know. I don’t know!” Unable to hold them back anymore, the tears started overflowing, caught in his fingers. “I wish I could just… hear you tell me it’s okay. That it’s okay for me to want someone else. That wherever you are, you know….” Lance couldn’t finish. 

He was talking to nothing. To no one. It would be easier to write it all out, but… he didn’t want to. It kept it from being concrete. It kept the moment from being permanent. 

Romelle had said he had every right to be with someone new. To live his own life. He was young. And Veronica had sounded so excited and happy for him. Pidge and Hunk liked Keith, and they’d integrated him into their group seamlessly. Everyone else who knew even vaguely about Keith was fine. They weren’t judging Lance for moving on. So why was he? 

He wiped at his eyes and took another steadying breath. He just needed to bring himself back. He thought of the plans he had for the date, thought of how excited he was to see how many times he could make Keith smile. 

He would tell his sister about Keith and she'd be just as excited about him as if he'd been a girl. He would wear the cologne one day without having a mental breakdown. He would be okay.

He grabbed his keys and left the apartment, driving to Keith's with the radio at high volume. When he got to his house, he parked and went to knock on the door. 

A couple beats later, it opened and he saw Keith in a black long sleeved shirt with dark, torn jeans and red and black shoes. He was smiling, and it was an expression Lance loved to see. “Hey! I just gotta get my jacket and my wallet.” He turned away, leaving the door open as he ducked back into his room. 

Lance stepped in and looked around, wondering if Shiro was there. He wasn't fully sure he had the stamina to deal with the anxiety of being around Shiro who he had no clue how to read. 

Keith came back with a leather jacket and those fingerless leather gloves that fueled Lance's fantasies. He stopped short, giving Lance a once over, his smile fading. His eyebrows furrowed and Lance could see the hesitation sleeping back into his body. 

“You okay? You still… wanna do this?” 

“Yeah, of course. Why?” 

Keith shrugged and sat down on the arm of the couch. “I don't know. I just… don't want you to feel forced to go through with things if you don't really want to anymore. And I don't know if I've gotten to be too much or…. Shiro says I don't know how to be gray.” Lance frowned, raising an eyebrow in confusion. “I'm always on complete opposite ends of a scale, I never really find a balance. Like… with you, I go from… not wanting to let you in and being reserved, and now I just….” 

“Wanna kiss me every time you see me?” Lance finished with a smirk. Keith blushed but his face remained frustrated. “I don't mind that at all. I'm glad I was able to make you comfortable enough to make that change.” 

“But I know it can be a lot, and if I'm making you uncomfortable-” 

Lance closed the space between them and grabbed him by the shoulders. “Hey. It's okay, Keith. I'm not uncomfortable or upset with you.” 

Keith put a hand on his face, his thumb caressing Lance's cheek lightly. “Then why do you have that look on your face? You're not smiling wide enough for your dimple to show. That only happens if something's bothering you.” 

Lance stared at him in shock for a moment. He felt like all the air in his lungs had dissipated. 

Mi principe azul…  _ let me see that dimpled smile. I haven't seen it in so long.  _

He wasn't really a believer in spirits or ghosts or signs from beyond the grave. Not like his family. But it still gave him goosebumps to hear the similarities in Keith's words with Allura’s so soon after he'd been breaking down over her. It was chilling, and there was a part of his brain that wondered if brain was his sign. If this was Allura giving him the green light, her blessing even in the afterlife…. 

Or it was just a coincidence. And Lance's brain was seeing things it wanted to see. Keith's words were just his words, his observations. 

“Lance? What is it? What's wrong?” Keith looked concerned now. His eyes scanned Lance's face, his hand stilled against his cheek. 

“I'm okay,” Lance breathed out. He leaned forward, tilting his head for a kiss. “I'm sorry. I'm just….” He sighed and looked into those swirling eyes. Maybe he could tell him at least part of it. “My sister called. She wanted to know who I was going on a date with, and….” Keith expression changed, somehow turning shameful. “Hey, no, I wanted to tell her, I just… I think I need to make it a conversation in person, but I told her we would talk after the date, and I just started freaking out because I don't know what to say or how to say it or what she'll do and what I'll do about whatever she does-” 

Keith took Lance's face between his hands and shook his head. “Hey,” he said, with the gentlest voice Lance had ever heard from him. “You don't have to tell her about me if you're not ready. After what I said about Roland, I know you want to show me it's different, but I'm not expecting you to tell everyone right away. I won't be upset.” 

Lance shook his head stubbornly and leaned into Keith, resting his forehead against his shoulder. “I  _ want  _ to. I want to be able to tell them all about you. I don't want to hide you. It feels wrong not to tell them. I want to start with Veronica at least, and….” He took a breath and pulled back, looking Keith in the eyes. “I'm going to tell them. Because I want to be with you, and I don't want to feel like I have to hide that from certain people. It's not just to prove myself to you, I promise. It's something I wanna do for myself. I'm just… still kind of scared of how they'll react or if anyone will act different with me.” 

The corner of Keith's mouth quirked up slightly and he hooked a finger into his shirt, pulling his face closer. “I don't know what I did right for you to have come into my life, pretty boy.” Lance let out a nervous half giggle half whimper. Keith chuckled and ran his thumb over Lance's lower lip. 

Then finally, Keith's lips pressed against his and Lance felt like he could breathe again. The feeling of the leather sliding to his neck made him shiver as he parted his lips, moaning when Keith's tongue slipped into his mouth. 

“Why is this always how I find you two?” 

Lance practically jumped away from Keith at the sound of Shiro’s voice. 

“Don't exaggerate; this is the only time you've run into us like this,” Keith answered, sounding slightly annoyed. 

“Sorry. We're about to leave, we were just talking.” Keith looked at him with a quirked brow and Shiro looked at him with an amused smile. Lance felt his face heat up. 

“Right. Well, have fun.” Shiro went into the kitchen and Lance looked at Keith helplessly.

“He hates me,” Lance whispered as Keith walked to the front door. 

“Nah, he doesn't. He just doesn't like you yet.” Lance sputtered as Keith nudged him out the door. “Relax. I like you. I think that matters a little more, right?” 

Lance bit his lip and blushed. It was the first time Keith had said those words aloud, he was pretty sure. “Yeah. Just a bit.” Keith smiled and walked with him to the car. As Lance slid in he looked over and smirked. “Ready for the best, cheesiest date you will ever have in your life?”

Keith laughed and let it turn into a groan. “Alright, let's do this. I'm ready.” 

Lance smiled and held out his hand. Keith intertwined their fingers and chuckled softly as Lance drove. They made it to the carnival, a place bright with flashing neon lights, a large ferris wheel, rides with people shrieking in laughter, the smell of fried foods and cheap beer heavy in the air.

“Is it safe to assume the Ferris Wheel is one of our destinations?” Keith asked. 

Lance scoffed. “Abso-fucking-lutely. Cheesy date 101 is it has to include a Ferris Wheel.” Keith laughed and followed him to the admission booth. 

After a bit of debating, it was settled that Lance would buy their bracelets for the rides and Keith could buy any food they might want to eat. They decided to split the cost of tickets. 

As they walked through the space, trying to decide what ride was first, Lance couldn't help but marvel at the way the multicolored lights looked against Keith. The way they shone off his face, the way they reflected from his hair, splashing him in so many colors, he looked like a walking mosaic. It was beautiful. He was beautiful. 

“That one looks fun,” Keith said, pointing at a ride that whirled its passengers in circles, over and under like it was  _ trying  _ to make them puke. 

“Why am I not surprised?” Lance muttered. Keith snorted, tugging Lance along to get in line. The lines to each ride were pretty long, but Lance didn’t mind it at all because it gave him a chance to talk to Keith about everything and nothing. They talked about movies they liked, book adaptations they loved or hated, about the latest music and whether it was good or not in comparison to stuff that came out fifteen years ago. 

Each ride was crazy enough to leave Lance with an unsteady step, but short enough that it never got nauseating. He wondered how most of these rides were even safe with the way the jolted and spun and turned them. Keith, adrenaline junkie that he was, seemed to love it, poking fun at Lance for the way he would reach for Keith for balance once they were off the more adventurous rides. But the giddiness of being with Keith and the way the rides would drop or spin them had Lance laughing constantly, and because of it so was Keith. 

“Okay, okay, I wanna get some food, and I kind of don’t want to puke, so let’s hold off on anymore rides,” Keith said, steadying Lance as he tried to regain his bearing after the latest ride. He had always wanted to ride the flying saucer, but he’d been terrified of getting stuck on it with someone who would throw up. Keith didn’t seem to have that worry, and now Lance was holding onto his jacket, laughing as the adrenaline faded. 

Keith was looking at him with a wide smile, his cheeks flushed and his eyes shining, reflecting the lights of the carnival. “I think we’ve ridden everything except the Ferris Wheel by now.” 

“We could go into the mirror maze,” Keith suggested. “But I smell brisket and I’m starving.” 

Lance nodded and fell in step with him as they went in search of the food trucks. He carelessly threw his arm over Keith’s shoulders, leaning in to kiss his cheek quickly. A few steps later, and Keith was shrugging him off, making Lance stop. Keith was grimacing, a shy, but frustrated look on his face. 

“Do you… not want to be public right now?” Lance asked, gently, terrified that he’d done something wrong. 

“No, it’s not that,” Keith muttered. For a moment, it was like he was back to that uncomfortable, reserved demeanor he had on their first date. When he met Lance’s eyes, he bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrows. “I’m sorry. Don’t panic, you didn’t do anything…. I just….” 

Lance took a breath and stepped closer to him slowly. “Yeah?” 

Keith looked at him and huffed, trying to find words to explain. “I don’t like…. It feels possessive when people do that. The arm thing, I mean. And I don’t like it. I feel like I’m being controlled or something, and it’s….” He scowled and rolled his eyes. “Sorry.” 

Lance smiled and shook his head. “Don’t apologize. It’s okay.  _ I’m  _ sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” 

“I know,” he answered with a smile. 

“So… what’s okay to do?” 

Keith smiled and wrapped his arm around Lance’s waist, his hand slipping into Lance’s back pocket. “Ever watch Sixteen Candles?” Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “My foster mom  _ loves  _ that movie. I watched it more times than I’d like to admit.” He had Lance mirror him, and smiled. “This okay?” 

“Perfect,” Lance said with a chuckle. “Sixteen Candles, huh?” 

“Shut up.” 

Lance laughed and they kept walking. The various food trucks created a swirl of smells- sweet, salty, fried, greasy, deliciously overpriced food. “Where to, babe?” 

“Wherever the smell of barbecue is coming from. Then where the fried sugar one is.” Lance laughed, letting Keith lead the way to one of the trucks. 

They got plates of brisket with baked beans, coleslaw, and a roll and sat down at one of the wooden tables, on the other end of a small family eating and feeding a baby. They scarfed their food down, and Lance couldn’t help but laugh because Keith had barbecue sauce smeared to his cheek. 

“Would you stay still!” Lance chided, trying to wipe it away with a napkin. Keith scrunched his nose and stuck his tongue out but couldn’t reach the smear. “You’re so gross.” Keith rolled his eyes and finally let Lance wipe it away. Without really thinking, Lance pulled him into a kiss, soft and chaste. But Keith still tensed under his hands. 

Keith kept his arms around his torso, and glanced around when Lance pulled back. Like he was waiting on something around them. Then he looked at Lance like he was waiting for Lance to say something. 

“Should I not have done that?” 

“I don’t mind. Do you?” Lance shook his head and nudged his nose against Keith’s. He sighed and took Lance’s face in his hands. “Hey. I know… this is new to you, so…. Being with me isn’t like being with a girl.” He looked around briefly again and looked at Lance. “Not everyone’s going to be okay seeing us in public. They might let the hand holding and the pocket thing slide, but kissing….” 

“Keith, I’m not an idiot. I know how it goes. But I want this to be a normal date, and if anyone says anything to us we can just walk away.” Keith bit his lip and looked at Lance nervously. “And I’m not gonna change my mind because some bigot wants to call me names for kissing you.” A smile tugged at his lips and he leaned his head forward to rest against Lance’s. “But if you’re concerned, please tell me. If anything’s happened before or something… tell me what I need to know so I can do this right with you.” 

The smile on Keith's lips broadened as he pulled back. “You've done everything perfectly,” he murmured. 

Lance smirked and heaved a dramatic sigh. “Not everything. I still need to win you a prize. Come on!” They grabbed their tickets and stopped at a couple booths. 

The first was a ring road that they both failed at so horribly, they couldn't stop laughing at each other and the guy in charge kept ducking out of the way. The second was a game to throw a baseball at a stack of pins. Lance was shit at throwing. Keith was really good. Too good. His throws held too much force and would make the balls ricochet off whatever they hit. 

Finally they got to a shooting game. Keith seemed hesitant considering how their last games went, but Lance grabbed the plastic rifle filled with plastic beads and hefted it up. He began to shoot at the paper ducks moving in the back of the booth, not counting, just shooting. When he was done, the girl at the booth looked slightly surprised. 

“Uh, pick from anything on the wall or two of the ones hung down here.” She pointed at some decently sized stuffed prizes hung up on a wall and then as smaller hand-sized ones along the bottom of the booth. 

Lance scanned the choices before his eyes drifted up higher. “What do I gotta do to get that one up there?” 

The girls eyes followed his and snorted. “You gotta hit all the ducks without refills. You were missing five.” 

“Are there enough bullets in here?” She stared at him for a moment before switching the gun out. “Sweet. So I hit all of them, and I can get the giant Stitch?” She nodded. Lance lifted the plastic rifle again and smiled to himself. “Alright then.” 

Keith moved from beside him to lean on the counter across from the girl, arms crossed as he looked at Lance and the new set of paper ducks. The girl pressed a button and Lance zeroed in on every duck, determined. He had one more left and he caught a glimpse of Keith, looking at him in a way that made butterflies burst in his stomach. 

_ C’mon, little duck, I got a boy to impress. _

Lance refocused took the shot, whooping when the paper duck tore with the plastic pellet. Near the counter, Keith laughed and clapped. As the girl went to get his prize Lance went up to Keith and bowed dramatically. 

“You're really good at this game. Do you go to carnivals a lot?” 

Lance shook his head. “No. My siblings and I used to love to go to laser tag on our birthdays. Me and Veronica had to be on different teams because if we were on the same, Luis and Marc had no chance. I haven't gone in years though.” The girl came back with a Stitch stuffed animal almost taller than her. “And look at that!” He took it from her with a thanks and presented it to Keith. “This is yours, babe.” 

The night they slept together, Keith had mentioned one of his favorite Disney movies as a kid was Lilo and Stitch. He’d skimmed over it, not really going into details. On their first date, he’d also mentioned something about how many times he’d watched the movie, how he loved the feistiness of the two, the craziness of aliens on Hawaii. And then on the phone, Lance finally got an idea of why. Keith had briefly mentioned how much he enjoyed that Lilo and Stitch didn’t show a conventional family, how even a small and broken one was still good, and how that was his favorite line. He knew Stitch was his favorite character, knew Keith was drawn to the outcast little alien who’d found a family with a little girl who never gave up on him. 

And based on the look on Keith’s face as he grabbed the giant stuffed blue alien, Lance had chosen the perfect prize. Keith was blushing, but instead of hiding his face like he tended to do, he just looked at Lance and leaned forward to kiss him, holding his stuffed prize tightly under one arm. 

“Hey, he’s almost as big as you,” Lance noted as Keith hefted Stitch up, slinging him over his shoulders. 

“I love him. Thank you, Lance.” Lance smiled happily and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Hey, aren’t those photo booths usually in every single cheesy romance movie ever?” he asked, gesturing to where three girls were giggling as they stumbled out from behind a small curtain and grabbed their strips of photos. 

“Oh, hell yes.” Lance smirked at Keith and nudged him. “Looks like you’ve got your own romantic side.” 

“I just know movies,” Keith said with a laugh, taking his hand as he started for the booth. 

Keith managed to stuff Stitch inside, both of them sitting on one of his legs to fit. “Okay. We gotta think of poses before we start, because Hunk, Pidge and I have tried these and they were a mess.” Keith laughed at that as he mused through the frame options. “Alright we can have a normal one, a silly one, um….” 

“We’ll figure it out,” Keith said with a smile. “Ready?” Lance nodded and watched the countdown. “Silly one first?” 

“Oh shit, okay!” Lance crossed his eyes and stuck his tongue out, panicked with the speed of the countdown. 

Beside him Keith laughed. God, Lance loved that sound. The raspiness of it, the way it built from somewhere in his chest, the breathiness of it. And when it was real and unreserved, it was a loud laugh that filled his cheeks with a blush and made his eyes squint.

He hadn't realized another flash had gone off. But then Keith was grabbing him, one hand at the collar of his shirt, the other at his cheek as he yanked him into a dizzying kiss. Lance melted into it, a soft moan reverberating in his throat as he felt Keith's teeth grazed his lower lip. 

He pulled away and Lance stared at him in a daze, captivated by the lovely violet eyes, looking at him so openly. He smiled and bumped their noses together, and Keith let his eyes flutter shut as Lance placed a smaller kiss against his parted lips. 

“I think cheesy movies might be my new favorite genre,” Keith joked, running his hand through Lance's hair gently. 

Lance hadn't even realized the booth had already taken all their pictures. He forgot they were even in a booth. He just knew he was with Keith. 

He leaned in to kiss him again and it was like being able to breathe for the first time in a long time. Keith’s gloved hand stayed at his cheek, his fingers curling to caress him. It felt wonderful. Lance felt wonderful. 

“We should get our pictures, pretty boy,” Keith said, smiling against his lips. Lance nodded, and forced himself out of the booth. While Keith busied himself with pulling Stitch out, Lance grabbed the strips of pictures. 

The first had Lance, a little blurry making a face at the camera next to Keith who was sticking his tongue out at him. The second had Keith laughing and Lance staring doe-eyed at him. It was kind of embarrassing that the camera had caught that look of pure adoration on Lance’s face, but he couldn’t do anything about it now. The third had Keith kissing him, the surprise of it evident in the way Lance’s eyebrows were raised. The last picture had them both smiling at each other dopily, in some space between laughter and an intense want for the other. 

Lance tore them at the perforated middle so he could give Keith his photos. Keith hauled Stitch and looked at the photos. A light red dusted over his cheeks and he bit his lip as he smiled at Lance. “How’s this for cheesy, huh?” Lance smiled back and winked. “Hey, I think they have funnel cake, you want to get one?” 

“I  _ love  _ funnel cake!” 

Keith snorted. “I know.” 

Lance held on to their pictures as they walked back to the food trucks. He followed the smell of confectioner’s sugar until the sweet scent of fried batter was right in front of him, making him mouth water. 

“You should see your face right now,” Keith teased, squeezing his hand. Not long after they got the funnel cake- coated in powdered sugar, glazed strawberries, and a swirl of whipped cream- Lance was tearing pieces off and stuffing his mouth, succeeding mostly in making a mess of himself. “You eat like a little kid,” Keith said, laughing as he leaned in to kiss his sugar coated lips. 

“Here, try it,” Lance said, offering his paper plate. He still had half the funnel cake left. “It may possibly be the best funnel cake I've ever had in my life.” Keith raised an eyebrow and tore a piece off, and Lance laughed when the whipped cream inevitably smeared on the corner of his mouth. “It's also the messiest.” He kissed away the smear, playfully licking at his lips, which made Keith grimace as he shoved him away playfully. 

Lance noticed a family passing by, the mother ushering the little kid in the other direction while an older girl kept glancing back at them until the dad grabbed her arm and nudged her along. Something uncomfortable twisted in his stomach. 

It wasn't the first time he got looks for being with someone. Even when he was with Allura, people would stare because she was so much darker than him, they never even suspected she was Dominican. The way people stared then made his stomach twist just as much as they did now. 

He didn't understand why people had to take such a personal offense to who he kissed. It made him feel dirty, like he'd been caught having sex in the middle of a park or something. But all he'd ever done with either Allura or Keith in public was hold their hand and kiss them. And there was nothing wrong about that. 

“Lance?” Keith reached out to smooth the furrow of his eyebrows and tilted his chin up. “What happened?” 

He shook his head and kissed him again. Partially as a reminder to himself that he could, and partially as a silent fuck you to anyone who thought their opinion mattered. “Just annoyed that I can't hold your hand while I'm eating this. Let's go find more games before we get on the ferris wheel, yeah?” 

Keith hummed, his eyes scanning his face carefully. But he nodded and fell in step with Lance. 

They walked around as Lance finished his funnel cake, during which Keith found two games. A game of darts against balloons that had Lance hiding behind Stitch and cheering when Keith popped the color Lance challenged him to, and a basketball toss that he was ridiculously good at. 

“I thought you hated sports,” Lance pointed out when Keith managed to get every ball through the hoop. 

“Because I got competitive and angry. Not because I was bad at them,” he answered with a smirk. He took the medium sized stuffed shark and waved it at Lance. “You beat me at the size of the prize, but… this one's yours.” 

Lance smiled and took the shark, hugging it to his chest as his cheeks heated up. No one had ever won him a prize before. “I love it. Thank you,” he mumbled into the shark fin. He pulled back and looked at the adorable friendly face on it. “He's cute! And he needs a name.” Lance looked at Keith and laughed. “What about Keef. He lives in the reef.” 

Keith's eyes narrowed. “I regret everything,” he said flatly. Lance protested, laughing and following after him. Despite his supposed grumpiness he could tell Keith was fighting a smile. “You're really gonna name it that?” 

Lance shrugged. “That way he reminds me of you. Unless you've got a better idea?” Keith stared at the shark and hummed. 

After a while, Lance could see the defeat in his eyes. “Keef the Shark it is,” he said, looking at Lance with a sideways smile. Lance beamed at that. 

They interlocked their hands, both holding their own gifts and started walking toward the Ferris Wheel. But as they walked, something caught Lance’s eye and he came to a stop. Before Keith could ask, Lance breathed out, “Giant lion.” 

Keith followed his gaze and saw the gigantic lion, taller than Lance, stuffed and fluffy enough that Lance imagined both he and Keith could use it as a pillow. Everyone who passed pointed at it, cooing at the adorable large eyes and sewn in smile. “Holy shit. It’s one of those high striker games.” 

“Are those even winnable?” 

Almost in response, the guy currently standing there managed to ring the bell, earning a series of cheers. But he didn’t get the giant lion. He got a large Minion stuffed prize. “I wonder what you gotta do for the lion.” Keith looked at Lance and raised an eyebrow. “How many tickets do we have left?” 

Lance pulled the small string of tickets out of his pocket, counted them, and looked at the board in front of the high striker. “Enough for one of us to play. Frankly, I think you should do it. You’re the one who lifted a grown woman over your head.” 

“Alexa isn’t that heavy,” Keith said, rolling his eyes. “Are you sure? What if I can’t win that thing?” 

Lance shrugged. “I’m sure you can think of a way to make it up to me,” he said with a wink. 

Keith blushed slightly but only smiled back. “Well now I don’t think I want to win it.” 

“Oh, if you win it, it’ll be me thinking of how to thank you.” Lance winked at him. “Depends on you, babe.” Keith turned ever redder and snatched the tickets out of his hand, making Lance laugh as they made their way to the game. 

“Uh, so what do I gotta do to win the lion?” Keith asked, studying the contraption, gauging the height before looking at the guy taking tickets. 

“You get three tries to ring the bell!” he shouted, as if he were announcing it to the whole carnival. “Ring it once, you get a prize! Ring it twice, you win a bigger one! But to get the lion, you gotta ring it all three times! Think you’re strong enough?” 

Keith eyed the game and Lance looked between the man and Keith. He watched Keith grab the mallet and test it out in his hand. “Can I test the effect of this thing on here? Without it counting?” 

The guy made a face. “That’s not-”

“I’ve got ten dollars for a test hit,” Lance said, fishing in his wallet. Keith looked at him in surprise, but Lance held out the bill. “Ten bucks, he gets a test hit, then he takes his three turns.” 

The guy’s carnivalesque image dropped and he mulled it over. “Alright, deal. Just one test hit.” He snatched the money and stuffed it into his pocket. Lance gave Keith a thumbs up and grabbed Stitch from him. He stood aside, watching, waiting. Keith took a breath and hefted the mallet, bringing it down with a grunt. The metal lever made it up halfway, and Lance noticed Keith’s frustration. “Okay, three tries, that’s it,” the carnival guy said immediately. 

Lance stepped forward and took Keith's face in his hands, pressing a quick, chaste kiss to his lips. “You got this!” 

He stepped back to hold onto the stuffed animals, watching in excitement. He didn't really care if they got the lion or not. He just liked the crease of determination between Keith's eyebrows, the way he bit his lip as he shifted his hands on the handle of the mallet, the way his eyes were so dark they looked gray as they scanned the game over. 

Keith brought the mallet down with much more force than before, eyes narrowed and a grunt of exertion making its way past his lips. The successful ring of a bell made them both smile. 

“Oh! One ring down! Two more to go, can he do it, folks?” The carnival facade was back in the guy's voice as he turned Keith into a living advertisement. 

Keith rolled his eyes and took a deep breath. He met Lance's eyes and winked, making Lance's knees go weak. Again, Keith lifted the mallet over his head and brought it down with a growl, his biceps flexing slightly. Keith's strength made Lance want to melt into a puddle. 

Another successful ring and a few cheers from some spectators had Lance gripping Keef tightly with one arm and digging his nails into one of Stitch’s hands. “Two rings down, everyone! One more and he takes the grand prize! No pressure, Mr. Muscle.” 

Keith huffed and leaned on the mallet. “Please shut up,” he muttered. Various shouts of encouragement came from the crowd, but Keith didn't react to them. He just looked at Lance again and shrugged. “Here goes nothing, pretty boy.” 

Lance bit his lip as Keith slammed the mallet down again. The bell rung for a third, final, beautiful time. The small crowd was cheering and Lance was laughing with nervous energy being released as joy. He hauled their prizes over and congratulated Keith by peppering his face with playful kisses that made him laugh. 

“Here you go,” the carnival dude said uncomfortably as he looked between the two. “Congrats!” He handed over the lion and went back to his spot to continue shouting at people. 

“Jesus, this guy is huge,” Lance said. 

“What are you naming him?” 

Lance smiled and shook one of the big paws at Keith. “Actually… what if we shared him? You did the work for him after all. And I've got Keef already.” Keith blushed at the name of the shark. “I can keep this guy a week, you can keep him the next.” 

Keith's expression softened and he reached out with his hand to fix Lance's collar. “Okay, pretty boy. But our lion still needs a name.” Lance hummed and looked at it. Keith tousled the fluffy mane and said, “How about Laith? It means lion in Arabic, I think. And… it's also a mash up of our names.” 

Lance's eyes widened as he looked at Keith and broke into a wide smile. “God, you're perfect.” 

Keith blushed and looked at Lance with an adorable smile that made his nose scrunch up as his hair fell in front of his eyes. 

The compliment made Keith’s face turn red, but he just laughed and said, “Come on, don’t we have a Ferris Wheel to ride?” Lance nodded, but as they began walking, Keith stopped and stared at their prizes. “How are we supposed to get on with these three? I don't think they'll let them on.”

“We'll have to leave them in the car. But let's hurry before the line gets too long.” They hauled the lion and Stitch and the shark over to the wide parking lot. They laid Stitch and Keef along the back seat before stuffing Laith the Lion in the trunk. 

Before they could start heading back to the ferris wheel, Keith grabbed Lance's wrist and pulled him in as he leaned against the trunk. “Hey there, pretty boy,” Keith said with a smirk as Lance leaned against him to regain his balance. 

He blushed deeply, but the night around them hid it. “Hi.” 

“I thought you'd like to know that this is the best and the cheesiest date I have ever been on.” 

Lance laughed and wrapped his arms around Keith. “Well, I've been behind your only two dates, so….” 

Keith rolled his eyes and kissed him softly. “Yeah, but still.” Lance laughed again, muffled by Keith's lips against his own.

“Well, I'm glad I could one up myself. And I'm glad you're having a good time.” Keith hummed and looked at him with eyes that seemed to be holding something back, and a smile so soft it made Lance forget to breathe. “What?” Keith shook his head. “What are you thinking?” 

He sighed and traced a finger along Lance's lips, shutting his eyes as he pressed their foreheads together. “Just that I always have a good time when I'm with you. I'm happy around you.” Keith pulled away and opened his eyes to look at Lance. “And that kind of scares me. And so does the fact that I'm admitting this to you in the first place.” 

The admission, the look of vulnerability warring in those violet eyes against fear, the way Keith held on to him…. It made Lance's heart clench. Lance took his face between his hands, and Keith sighed as if in defeat. “Hey,” Lance whispered. 

Keith looked at him with an anxious bite of his lip and Lance leaned forward to kiss him. To really kiss him. Because there in the dark of the parking lot, there was no one staring, no one making faces, no one else to worry about. There was only Keith. 

It felt impossible to stop. Keith pressed Lance closer, even when there was no space left to fill. It wasn't until Keith pulled back breathing heavily as Lance tugged on his lip and he said, “Hey, we've got a ferris wheel to ride, pretty boy.” 

“Mm. Yeah.” Lance let his hands fall from Keith's face and settled for interlocking their hands. 

They peeled themselves away from the car, taking the walk back to the carnival to cool down. Lance’s lips felt all tingly and he didn’t think he would ever get tired of kissing Keith. The line for the ferris wheel was relatively short, considering it was the main attraction for any carnival goer. It would be a bit of a wait, but Lance busied himself with braiding little sections of Keith’s hair. 

“Why are you doing that?” Keith asked with a laugh. But he didn’t seem to mind it. “How do you know how to braid?”

“Your hair is long and fluffy,” he said as if that explained it. “My mom taught me how to a long time ago. I think I was eight, and Veronica was nine or ten? My mom had broken her finger so she couldn’t do Veronica’s hair before school anymore. None of my other brothers were willing to learn, and my dad left to work too early. So she taught me and I did it until my mom got better.” He shrugged and dropped another small braid before picking up another section of hair. “I got really good at it, and it was fun to me. Pidge lets me play with her hair and A-” Lance clamped his mouth shut and felt his body spike with panicked heat. 

Keith raised an eyebrow. “And what?”

Lance collected himself and plastered a smile on his face. “A friend used to let me play with her hair a lot. So I know more than a few kind of braids.” It seemed enough explanation for Keith, and it didn’t lead to any more questions, so Lance let himself take a gulp of air to calm down. “I figured if I ever had a daughter, I’d want to know how to do her hair too.” He shrugged. “Or if I have a niece.” 

A smile tugged at Keith’s lips. “You want kids?” Lance froze, not sure if it was okay to talk about that yet. They weren’t even really dating, and it was only date two, and Keith was a guy, it wasn’t like  _ they  _ could have kids. Well, if it came to that, there was adoption or surrogacy, but- Keith interrupted his thoughts with a laugh and a reassuring squeeze of his hand. “Hey. I meant in general. It sounds like you’ve thought about it before.” 

And he had. Even before he met Allura. He had an amazing dad, and he’d loved children even when he was one. He used to love feeding any baby cousins, and when he grew up a little more, he quickly became the favorite cousin because he was always playing with the kids. When he met Allura, that possibility became more concrete, and they’d even discussed it. Marriage after graduation, two, maybe three children at least, and if more came along that was fine. 

Now, Lance had no idea what he expected out of his future. He hadn’t thought of it much since Allura died, and he never expected Keith to come into his life. It changed everything. 

Lance took another breath and nodded. “Yeah. I would want kids in the future. My mom likes to remind me it’ll be way,  _ way  _ in the future, but… yeah. One day.” Keith nodded and let his gaze wander to the ferris wheel as the line moved forward a bit. “What about you?” 

Keith grimaced and chuckled. “Ah. I keep changing my mind. I don’t know if I’d be very good with kids at all. I don’t know if I could ever be at a good enough place to have them. But after being a foster kid all my life? I do want to foster or maybe adopt. The older kids, you know? The ones that end up feeling like no one wants them because they weren’t small or young or cute enough. I’d like for them to feel wanted.” 

“Is that how you felt?” Lance asked softly. 

Keith turned to look at him and smiled. “I did at one point. Because I didn’t know why my parents had left me. And my foster parents were nice, but if they couldn’t afford it anymore, I’d have to move, or they would just… not want to adopt. I was also a bit of a trouble maker, so I didn’t really make it easy to be wanted.” 

“But… Shiro’s parents did. You said they wanted to adopt you. You just didn’t want them to.” Lance was being careful about how he asked things. He knew Keith could start shutting down at any moment, and he was already treading on thin ice. 

But Keith seemed to think his words over, like he was deciding how much information he would want to indulge. He nodded and tugged on one of the braids Lance made. 

“I did want them to, kind of. It just wouldn’t have felt right. Because I have my birth mom. I've met her.” Lance’s eyes widened, but before he could say anything, Keith kept talking. “She managed to contact me in the early months with the Shiroganes. She’d asked them to let her see me, and they did. But they wanted to place all these restrictions about when and for how long and with one of them there with me, and…. I started sneaking out to see her instead. She’s not a bad person. And she didn’t want to give me up. But she was in danger and she didn’t want me to be part of it. And she had to do a bunch of stuff to be allowed to come in contact with me. I don’t know all the details because she wouldn’t tell me, but that’s the basics of it. I have my mom, and even without me near her, she wanted the best for me. I couldn’t bring myself to be okay with being adopted. I didn’t wanna give her up.”

Lance let all of that sink in and looked at Keith for any clues of how he felt about it. If he was angry or frustrated or hateful. He wondered how he felt when he saw his mom for the first time. Or if he resented the Shiroganes for trying to control when he saw his mom. But he didn’t want to ask any of that. He didn’t want the date to get filled with sad backstories or push Keith more than he had. He already indulged in so much more than he usually did. Lance could tell by the tension in his shoulders that he was starting to get anxious with the subject. 

So Lance went for a simpler question. “Is she nice? Your mom?” 

At that, Keith’s eyes brightened. “Yeah, she's really cool. A little awkward, sometimes. I mean… well I am too. I like hanging out with her. I try to keep her company on the holidays too.” Keith shrugged and smiled up at the ferris wheel. “I think we'll get a cart this time.” 

Catching on to the subject change, Lance only smiled and peeked at the line. There were a handful of people ahead, but it seemed like there were enough of the previous passengers for them to take their spot. 

Once they got seated, Lance nearly reached over to drape his arm around Keith before snatching his arm back. Keith laughed softly and took his hand, pulling Lance closer. 

“You know what?” Keith said as the ferris wheel moved another spot to let another pair on. Lance hummed. “I've only been on this thing once before. With one of my foster dads. I think I was… twelve?” He looked out as they moved again, letting one more couple on. “So I'm kind of excited about this one with you.” 

Lance smiled and leaned into him, resting his head on his shoulder as he pulled Keith's hand to his lips. The ferris wheel started moving taking them up high enough to see the entire carnival below them. They could see the children running, other people on dates, the lines of groups of friends, and families walking with strollers. They saw the flickering lights and even father, the headlights of cars on the nearby freeway. 

When Lance looked away from the view in favor of looking at his date, his breath stopped. The wonder in his eyes and the serene look on his face made him more beautiful than he already was. It was crazy to think that Keith was here with him. That he could lean over and just kiss him. He could still remember the way his eyes used to be so distant and guarded. It wasn’t to say he didn’t get like that still. There were moments when he evaded questions and the tension would seep back into his body. Lance feared asking the wrong thing and backtracking on their progress. 

But at that moment, with the ferris wheel taking them up and down, the sights of the city and carnival reflecting in their eyes, that fear was gone. Keith’s fears were gone. Lance kissed his cheek and smiled when Keith looked at him. 

“Can I take a picture of you?” Lance asked him.

Keith’s eyebrows rose, but he smirked and nodded. “Sure. What do I do?” 

“Nothing, just keep watching the scenery.” Keith snorted but turned to stare out. There was a smile on his face now that he knew he was being watched. Still, Lance took a few “candids” before flipping the camera and leaning into Keith for some pictures together. 

When he had a few pictures, he put his phone away and curled into Keith again, staring out at the view. Keith slid his hand into his hair, scratching soothingly as the wheel kept turning. When it started slowing down, they were lucky enough to be a couple spots away from the very top. 

“You know we have to have a super romantic kiss when we're at the peak, right?” Lance asked. Keith smiled and turned to press a light kiss to his forehead. Lance looked up and saw the full moon, bright in the sky even against the carnival lights. 

They moved up another spot. “Keith?” He hummed and turned slightly his attention on their interlocked hands. “Thanks for giving me a chance. I know I'm probably the last person in the universe you'd have thought to give a second thought to, but… I'm glad you did.” 

Keith pulled away to cup his face as they moved up another spot. His eyes were as gentle as his hands as he looked at him. “Well, I'm really happy you were so stubborn. Thank you for coming back for me. And for not giving up. And being so patient.” Lance chuckled and placed his hands over Keith's as he leaned in. But Keith pulled back, grinning widely. “Wait,” he whispered. Lance frowned, but then he felt them move another spot up. 

They were at the peak now. Keith leaned back in, brushing his thumbs along Lance's cheeks. And then he was pressing his lips against Lance's softly, coaxing his lips to part with a gentle pressure. 

Lance had an urge to climb into his lap, but he settled for the uncomfortable half turn the seat allowed. He felt his heart hammering away in his chest, but he tethered himself with every point of contact with Keith. His warm fingertips, the smooth leather of his gloves, his soft, warm lips…. They were a completely different reality Lance never wanted to leave. 

Even when their seat moved again, they didn't end their kiss. It wasn't as heated as the one in the parking lot, but it was just as intense for Lance. It still left him wanting more. 

They pulled away and Keith smiled as Lance let out a shuddering breath. Keith wiped Lance's mouth with his thumb, chuckling softly at the dumbstruck look on his face. “You're ridiculously cute, you know?” 

“Oh my God, stop,  _ I'm  _ supposed to be the one making you blush on our cheesy date,” Lance grumbled hiding his face in Keith's jacket. 

He could feel Keith's shoulders shake as he chuckle. They got off the ferris wheel hand in hand, slowly making their way back to the car. 

“Thanks for an amazing date, Lance,” Keith said softly.

“Ah, don't thank me yet. I still gotta get you home.” 

“Actually… could I stay with you? It's a little easier dealing with a messy sleep schedule when I'm with you.”

Lance grinned and nodded, tugging Keith closer. “Of course. Do you wanna stop at your place to get anything?” Keith nodded and they made their way to the car. 

The drive was comfortably quiet. The radio played at a low volume, their hands remained interlocked over the center console, Keith looked out the window with a tiny smile tugging at his lips. When they got to his house, Keith pulled Stitch out from the back, and Lance followed him inside. 

As soon as they went inside, they saw Shiro and Adam laying on the couch, watching something on the television. Lance greeted them awkwardly as Keith made a beeline for his room.

“Damn Keith, not even a hello?” Shiro called. “What's that you got in your arms?” 

“None of your business!” he shouted back from the hallway. Lance chuckled and sat down on the loveseat in their living room. 

Adam twisted around to look at Lance. “Hey. Did you get him that?” 

“Yeah, I won it at the carnival. And he won me a shark. And then we got a lion. Keith won it, but we're sharing it.” 

“Aw that's cute,” Adam said with a smile. Lance noticed Shiro hadn't said anything and he tried not to feel like an intruder. 

“Lance, can you give me those pictures we took?” Keith called. Adam and Shiro shared a look that made Lance nervous, so he hurried to go meet Keith in his room. “I don't wanna forget them, so I wanna put them up now.” 

“Yeah, here,” he said, pulling them out of his jacket pocket. Keith took the strip of pictures and tucked it into the corner of a small corkboard covered in reminders. “Do you need any help?” 

“No, I'm just gonna throw some clothes and my toothbrush in a bag. I'll meet you out there in a minute.” Lance nodded and kissed his cheek before heading back to the living room, stifling his anxiousness. 

Shiro and Adam were mumbling, but by the time Lance sat back down, they were sitting up and looking at him. It made him feel like he was being interrogated. 

“Is Keith heading back to your place?” Shiro asked. Lance couldn't read his expression. It was far from the look he gave Roland, far from the glare Lance had received when he first met him in the hallway, but it was also far from the friendly smile on his face when Lance picked Keith up for their first date. 

“Uh, yeah. Is that… cool?” 

Shiro snorted. “I'm his brother, not his dad.” Lance nodded and tucked his hands under his thighs to keep them from fidgeting. 

Thankfully Keith came back with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder. “Ready?” 

Lance started to get up, but Shiro's voice made him freeze. “Hey, I was thinking of having a cookout on Friday. You should come, Lance.” 

“Really?” 

“What are you doing?” Keith asked, stepping in front of Lance. Adam laughed quietly and Shiro shrugged. 

“Being nice.” Keith narrowed his eyes and looked back at Lance. “I'm just saying, it looks like this g- Lance is gonna be coming around a lot. I'd like to be able to do more than just say hi when he appears for five minutes.” 

Keith and Lance both blushed at that. Lance took his hand gently. “Um, I'm up for it,” he said. 

Shiro nodded and smiled. Lance wasn't sure if it was genuine but it was progress. “Alright, so we're gonna go now,” Keith said, tugging on Lance's hand. “See you tomorrow, Shiro, Adam!” 

He pulled Lance out the door, but not before they heard Shiro yell, “Use protection for any recreational activities!” 

Keith groaned and hurried them back into the car, his face a deeper red than Lance's. “I'm so sorry. God, that asshole. He's just getting back at me because I was a little shit when he brought Adam home-” 

“Keith, Keith, babe!” He grabbed his face before he could get in the car, hoping to calm him down. His eyes widened as he looked at Lance. “It's okay. Siblings always do that kind of thing. God knows I've done it to my brothers and my sister.” He smiled and kissed him softly. “It's okay.” 

Keith took a breath and nodded, leaning into Lance for a moment. Then he pulled away and kissed Lance's cheek. They got in the car and Lance turned the engine, hesitating for a moment. 

When his hand stayed unmoving on the gear shift, Keith put a hand on his shoulder. “Lance?” 

“Yeah?” Keith raised an eyebrow and Lance shut his eyes. “Oh. Uh. I was just wondering…. Do you  _ want  _ me to go? To the cookout.” Keith frowned as he stared at him. “I just… you seemed to want to get me out of there really fast and I know you might still think that I'll go awa-”

“Oh! No, Lance, God no.” Keith put a hand on his face and smiled sheepishly. “That's not what I…. I know Shiro has the best intentions, but I also know he can be an ass. I didn't want him teasing us and freaking you out or something. I'm glad that you wanna come over. I just hope Shiro doesn't pull more of that crap he just pulled.” Lance let out a relieved sigh and Keith laughed. “God. We're a mess, aren't we, pretty boy?” 

Lance chuckled and shrugged. “Just a bit.” He leaned over to kiss him before putting the car in reverse and starting for his apartment. 

He hauled Laith the Lion in and sat him down in the corner while Keith put his duffel bag in the room. He turned on the television and laid down on the couch as he surfed the channels. A moment later, Keith came back and wordlessly draped himself over him. 

“I'm gonna be the little spoon now,” he muttered into Lance's chest. Lance laughed and wrapped his arms around him. “What are we watching?” 

“I don't know, what do you wanna watch?” Eventually they settled on something neither of them had watched, and about twenty minutes in, Lance felt his phone start vibrating in his pocket. He shifted to pull it out and felt his stomach drop. Keith looked at him curiously. “My sister.” 

“Are you gonna answer…?” 

Lance held on a little tighter to Keith and swiped the green button. “ _ Que pasó, manita?”  _

“ _ Oye, pues,  _ you said you'd call if it went well, did it not?” Veronica asked, sounding genuinely concerned. 

“Oh! No, it went great, Vero. We had a lot of fun. We got prizes and ate food and took pictures at that booth thing.” 

“Ferris wheel,” Keith whispered. 

“And we went on the ferris wheel,” Lance added, smiling at Keith. 

“That sounds like a perfect date,” Veronica said with a laugh. 

“It was.” Keith grinned and kissed his jawline lightly. 

“So do I get her name now? Where did you meet her?” 

Keith started rubbing his hand along Lance's arm in reassurance. “Uh, I mean…. Veronica, it's kind of… complicated.” 

Keith shifted to rest his chin on Lance's chest looking at him worriedly. “What do you mean? Oh, did you meet her on Tinder? There's nothing wrong with that-” 

“No, no, no, I didn't… we didn't meet through Tinder.” Keith chuckled softly. “I just…. I mean, I wanna tell you all about it, but it's….” 

Keith put a hand on his cheek and whispered, “It's okay. You don't have to tell her yet.” Lance narrowed his eyes, but Keith only used his thumb to smooth out the furrow. 

“It's what? Is this about Allu-” 

“ _ No, Veronica,  _ that's- I'm not- look it's just….” Keith frowned and pulled himself up to sit, but Lance grabbed his arm to keep him from getting up. “ _ Chaparra,  _ can we talk about this in person? Please?”

“Is everything okay, Lance? What's going on?” 

“Yeah, everything's good,” he assured her. “Everything's great, actually.” He tugged on a half-undone braid that was slowly unraveling just behind Keith's ear. He brushed his thumb along the side of his face, and Keith let his eyes close as he smiled. “I'm really excited about this. And I do want to tell you, I just want to talk to you face to face.” 

Veronica stayed quiet for a moment before she sighed. “Alright. Take care, okay? I'll see if I can visit before you come over here.” 

Lance gulped and took a steadying breath. “Okay,  _ manita.  _ I'll see you later. I love you.” 

“I love you more. Bye.” She hung up and Lance let his phone fall to the floor as he leaned his head on the arm of the couch. Keith laid back down, pulling himself up to look at Lance. “Hey,” Lance mumbled. 

“Hey, pretty boy. You okay? You sounded pretty panicked for a moment.” Lance shook his head and wrapped his arms tightly around Keith. “I'm not offended, you know. That you didn't correct her or tell her right away. I'm not stupid; I get it. Just because it was easy for me with my foster parents doesn't mean it's easy for everyone.” 

“God, my parents are  _ Hispanic!  _ And  _ religious. _ I mean I don't think they'd hate me, but I don't know what they're gonna say or how to even-” 

“Lance, hey, Lance, hey, hey, hey!” Keith smooshed his cheeks together with a one hand to stop Lance's rambling. He waited until Lance met his eyes to say, “It's okay. You can take your time. I know you said this is for you, not just me, but you don't need to rush into it. You're okay.” He looked at Lance with a gentle fierceness in his eyes. “Okay?” 

Lance nodded slowly. “M-kay,” he said past the awkward hold Keith's fingers had on him. “Ca- you leggo an’ kish me now?” 

Keith laughed and leaned down to oblige as Lance's hands moved to rake through his hair, tangling their legs together. Lance didn't know how he was going to explain this to his family, or what exactly his sexuality was, or how they would react. But he did know this felt right. It felt good. He knew that Keith was good for him. 

He felt Keith's lips begin to trail toward his neck, gentle and chaste. Lance hummed softly, turning his head for Keith to have better access. He felt Keith's hand run over the buttons of his shirt, hooking on the top one. “Can I get this off?” 

Lance nodded and let out a shallow breath as Keith unbuttoned his shirt, kissing the skin that was revealed. “I thought I was the one thanking you,” Lance murmured. 

“Mm, you think I don’t enjoy this?” He pushed his shirt open and Lance felt his tongue lick up his his chest with the open mouthed kisses. “I like how you start breathing faster… and the little hums you make instead of moaning. I like the way you look at me when I do this to you.” Lance shivered beneath him, the words igniting a hot desire in the pit of his stomach. Keith bit down on his shoulder gently as he pushed the shirt off slightly. 

He sat up so Keith could push off his shirt, and once his hands were freed, he pulled Keith closer against him. Keith put his legs on either side of Lance. He ran a hand through his hair and tugged his head back so he could look at him. “ _ Keith.”  _

Keith smiled at the way Lance’s name left his lips and he rolled his hips against him. Lance’s hands fell to his thighs, his fingers digging into the denim of his jeans. “Let me know if you wanna stop, okay, pretty boy?” Lance nodded and pressed his lips to Keith’s collarbone. Keith pulled his hair gently, tilting his head back. “I need a vocal answer, Lance.”

“Yes, yes, I’ll let you know.” His hands tugged his shirt up slowly and he bit his lip as Keith’s pale skin was revealed, goosebumps spreading wherever Lance’s fingers touched. “God, I missed touching you like this.” 

“We should move,” Keith breathed out, disentangling himself. He stood up and held a hand out with a smirk. “Come on.” Lance returned the half smile and took his hand. When he stood up, Keith pulled him close and lifted him up by his thighs, making Lance gasp in surprise. “You good?”

Lance chuckled in disbelief before he hooked his legs around Keith’s waist. “Oh, hell yeah.” Keith laughed and Lance leaned in to kiss him as Keith started for the room. 

He expected to get tossed onto the bed, but instead, Keith held him tighter and got on the bed using his knees to lay Lance down slowly. He didn’t pull away either. He kissed his neck and started working on covering his neck in hickeys along with the roll of his hips to reduce Lance to a gasping mess. 

“Can I… ask you something?” Lance murmured between heavy breaths. Keith hummed, taking his earlobe between his teeth and tugging. Lance moaned and wrapped his hands around Keith's bicep. “Have you ever um,  _ ah,  _ y'know been on top? Not like, physically, but-” 

There was a light chuckle against his throat. “I know what you mean, Lance. Yeah I have. But… the guys I've been with didn't really… like it. Fragile masculinity and whatnot.” He pulled himself up, eyes wide. “Um, that's not- I mean, it's cool if people don't like being bottoms, but I just meant-”

“That they were one night stands that were experimenting so they freaked?” Lance finished for him. Keith chuckled awkwardly and shrugged. “And… with Roland?” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “Once or twice. He didn't like being on that end, or so he said. He said it made him feel like he was being weak.” 

Lance frowned. “Um… that's not… how that works, is it?” Keith laughed and shook his head. Lance remembered that first night in Keith's shed, the way Keith had mentioned most guys had to be drunk to wanna do anything, much less go down on him. “Well… I wouldn't mind trying it with you. If you like it.” 

Keith kissed him softly and smiled. “You don't have to do that.” Lance opened his mouth, but Keith covered it with one hand. “I know, I know, you want to for you, not to prove yourself. But… I still think you should think about it. Tonight… why don't I teach you what you wanted to learn last time? If you want.” 

Lance hummed and caressed his cheek lightly, looking at the way his long hair draped around his face. “Fine. Because tonight's your night. But I'm sure my answer will stay the same in the future.” Keith smiled, his tongue between his teeth as his nose scrunched adorably. He leaned down to kiss Lance a little more insistently. Lance bit and tugged at his lip. “Can I at least do something for you?” 

Keith smiled and raised an eyebrow. “You want to blow me again?” 

Lance blushed and pulled himself up on his elbows, making Keith sit up, straddling him. “Well that or…. I mean, so I started watching some stuff-” 

“Stuff. You mean porn?” 

Lance ignored the comment. “And I found out there's, y’know rimming. I dunno how good that would feel or how to do it right but-” 

Keith grabbed his face and kissed him harshly, a smile against Lance's surprised lips. “Fuck, you're adorable,” he said against his mouth.

“Ke- _ ith!”  _ Lance complained. “I want to… make you feel good.” 

Keith thrust his hips down and shoved Lance down by the shoulders. “Trust me you do.” He smirked down at him. “If you really want to try, then okay. But if not…. If you're at all uncomfortable with that, then it's okay.” 

“I want to,” Lance answered resolutely. “I want to at least try.” 

Keith bit his lip and reached down to unbutton his jeans. “You have to relax first, pretty boy,” he said softly. Lance sighed and forced the tension to leave his body. “C’mon. Just kiss me first, okay?” 

Lance nodded and reached up to pull Keith toward him, kissing him gently at first, then harder. The kiss became needier, their bodies pressing closer. Keith moved to lay on his back, pulling Lance on top of him. 

“You want me to talk you through it?” Keith asked softly. Lance nodded, running his hands down Keith's sides. “Okay. Let's get these off first.” Lance moved to push Keith's jeans off. He kicked them off and Lance sat on his heels to run his hands along Keith's pale thighs. 

“You're beautiful, you know that?” he murmured. 

That beautiful rosy blush flooded Keith's cheeks as he turned his head away. “You always catch me off guard when you say things like that.” 

Lance smiled and lightly tugged on his boxers. “You wanna turn over for me, baby?” Keith bit his lip and rolled over as Lance pulled his boxers down, leaving Keith bare on all fours. “Tell me what feels good for you okay?” 

“I will,” Keith answered, shifted his weight on his elbows. 

With that, Lance tugged him to the edge of the bed and got onto his knees at the floor. He ran his hands lightly up Keith's legs, up to his ass and back. He traced random patterns onto the hi warm skin on the back of his thighs, and Keith arched his back subtly. 

Then Lance leaned in, pressing his lips to the light crease between Keith's ass and his thighs. He skimmed his teeth lightly along the sensitive skin, making Keith let out a small breath of surprise. He pressed soft open mouthed kisses all across his skin. He watched as the skin turned lighter when he let go, watched it turn rosy wherever he bit gently, making Keith jolt slightly. 

“Can I mark?” Keith nodded, and Lance smirked. “I'm gonna need a vocal answer.” 

Keith looked over shoulder with a scowl. “Fuck you.” 

Lance shrugged. “You didn't want to!” 

Keith laughed at that kicked at Lance playfully. “You're a smart ass, pretty boy.” Lance grinned and bit him lightly, watching his cheeks flush. “Yes, you can mark.” 

With the permission, Lance sucked and bit down on the firm flesh of his ass. He watched as Keith's thighs flexed, appreciative of the muscle he now knew came from dancing. He worked on leaving purple marks and crescent bites all along the pale skin, making him a piece of art that no one else would ever be able to see. 

He pushed his cheeks apart gently, slowly kissing closer and closer to the puckered entrance. The closer he got, the more nervous he became. Lance had watched things and read stuff, but now he was in the moment. 

“You- you can stop-  _ hmm _ \- if you want to. S’okay,” Keith said breathlessly, falling to his elbows and burrowing his face in the covers. 

Lance responded by sliding his tongue up slowly, his hands gripping Keith's hips as he jerked forward and shoved his hands into the covers. “I'm okay,” Lance said. 

He moved his tongue in a circle, varying in size and speed, trying to pay attention to Keith's reactions. But he'd forgotten that Keith didn't like to be loud. His reactions were muffled and controlled. 

So Lance had to be creative. He slid his hands to his thighs, gripping them tight enough to feel the way the muscle flexed. He opened his eyes and watched the graceful movement of his shoulder blades as he moved to reposition arms or changed his hold on the sheets. He watched the rise and fall of his breaths, the way his head occasionally came up only to let it fall back down with a soft grunt. 

Lance tried to work his tongue in, but Keith pulled away with a soft, “Wait.” Lance pulled away, kissing the inside of his thighs instead. “Easy, babe. Still too dry.” 

Lance smoothed his hands over his back. “Okay. Give me a moment.” He stood up to go to his desk, and grabbed the bottle of lube he'd bought after the first time they got heated at his place only to stop because Lance had nothing more than condoms. He returned, pressing kisses down Keith's spine slowly, his tongue following the ridges down. 

Right. Saliva and lubricant were important. Lance swirled his tongue around Keith's entrance again experimenting with movements of his tongue until he had Keith's legs tensing. He burrowed his face into the mattress, pushing back against Lance's face. 

“L-Lance,” Keith panted. “Okay, okay, with the lube….” Lance pulled away, pressing his fingers into the hickeys littered across his skin. Keith pulled himself up on his hands and looked over his shoulder, his hair a tousled mess falling in his face. “Use the lube to ease your finger in. Slow. I'll tell you when you can use the other.” 

Lance gulped and grabbed the lube. “What if I hurt you?” 

Keith smiled at him and shook his head. “You won't. Just take your time and I'll tell you if anything feels off. And we'll do it together.” Lance took a nervous breath and nodded. 

He felt like a virgin all over again, unsure of every movement, self-conscious. It wasn't his first time eating someone out. But it was very different to do it to a girl than to a guy. Just like this next step would be. He'd heard horror stories from friends at his college. Girls who tried anal with a guy who didn't know what he was doing, or just guys who rushed into it with other guys and learned their lesson about what a bad idea that was the hard way. 

He didn't want to be one of Keith's horror stories. Especially not when he had already had such a bad past with the people he'd slept with. 

“Warm it up a little first, okay?” Keith's voice jolted him back to reality. 

“Yeah, okay.” He squeezed more lube than was probably necessary onto his fingers, rubbing it together until it lost its chill. Then he pressed his fingers against Keith's entrance with the gentleness of someone afraid to break something. 

He heard Keith chuckle softly. “First finger is pretty easy. Relax, Lance.” 

Lance didn't respond but he pushed forward a little more, once again watching the way Keith's body responded to the slow intrusion. He had to stretch him open, so he pressed against the muscle gently every now and then the deeper he got. He leaned forward and teased along the rim with his tongue as his finger made it to the second joint. 

The sounds of Keith's heaving breaths sounded louder than they were in the silence of the room. Lance pushed in a little more, twisted his finger gently. He pulled out, then pushed back in, watching for any possible hint that Keith might be in some sort of pain.

Instead he saw Keith's body relax, sinking lower into the mattress, his back arching beautifully. Lance felt the tension leave his own body a little and began to move his finger with a little more confidence. He heard a soft hum, as Keith pushed back against him. 

There was less and less friction the more he moved, until he could easily thrust his finger in and out. Keith turned his head and murmured, “Use another. Just start slow again.” 

Lance pulled out and added more lube to his fingers. He pressed his mouth against him again, tongue swirling against him before dipping in, this time without so much resistance. This time drawing a soft, long moan out of Keith. Figuring he should work his way up, he added one finger pushing against the wall slowly to stretch him enough to add the next finger. 

He knew he was supposed to look for the prostate, but he wasn't totally sure about how. He knew he would feel it when he did find it. Knew the feeling would make Keith fall apart if he did it right. 

“Lance, I'm not fragile. You don't have to be so gentle.” 

“I know you're not fragile. But I still want to be gentle.” He slowly prodded his second finger in, and the space felt tighter. But he could feel the clench as Keith tried to hurry him along. “So impatient,” he said with a laugh. He bit down on his ass hard enough to leave the imprint of his teeth and Keith sucked in a breath as he spread his legs a little further.

He took his time getting his fingers in, biting and kissing up and down Keith's legs until they were decorated with love bites and splotches of purple. Then, at Keith's breathless command he started spreading and twisting and hooking his fingers, varying the pace and the technique. 

He watched the way his toes curled and the way his bed was slowly coming undone with the way his body squirmed and his hands tugged. He could hear the muffled whimpers into the mattress. He could feel the way Keith pushed back into his touch. 

This time, he knew without Keith having to tell him when he could add a third finger. He heard a soft curse as the third began to stretch him open, but before Lance could ask if he was okay, Keith said, “Keep going, keep...  _ fuck  _ Lance, you're doing so good.” 

Warm with the praise, Lance continued, less hesitant and nervous than he'd been at the beginning. Once he'd managed to get down to his knuckles, he hooked his fingers and Keith let out a louder, surprised moan. Lance knew what he'd found. And with the way Keith clenched around his fingers, he wasn't sure if he had to be gentler or keep the same pace he had. 

“Oh God, that was good, Lance. That was good,” Keith panted. 

Lance couldn't help the cheeky smirk that spread on his face. He pumped his fingers again, avoiding that sweet spot except for an occasional brush that had Keith's legs trembling in anticipation. He focused more on opening him up until the only concerning friction came from the muscle trying to pull him in. He ran his tongue around the rim and used his free hand to pull Keith closer. 

He could feel the tension of Keith’s legs under his hands. He started searching for that bundle of nerves, the hand around his waist trailing along his front. He could feel the abdomen muscles clenching under his fingertips, and he went lower until his knuckles brush along Keith’s cock. He allowed his fingers to trail the length, more at ease with this part. This was a part he knew how to do. He knew what felt good. He watched Keith’s body shiver, a desperate breath escaping him. 

When he found his sweetspot again, he pumped his hand lightly at the same time he pressed his fingertips against it. Keith let out a garbled moan, his arms lashing out to find purchase in something sturdier than bedsheets. He loved seeing that reaction. He loved the way his hole clenched and his body shivered and he couldn’t even restrain the moans he always tried so hard to muffle. 

So he did it again. And again. And again. He pushed his fingers in and out, pressing confidently against his prostate, and he ran his thumb over the head to spread the globs of precome, facilitating the handjob. Lance leaned forward and licked around his perineum- a spot he hadn’t even known could be stimulating until he decided to try and educate himself- and Keith nearly melted into the bed. 

“La-Lance, oh fuck.” And that was about the gist of Keith’s vocabulary at that moment. At least until he wanted more. “N-not gonna… last, Lance.” He growled and moved Lance’s hands away, breathing heavily. “I want you. I want to finish with you.” 

Lance had been aware of his own neglected arousal, made more intense by Keith’s sounds and the movement of his body. 

He got off his knees with a slight wince and leaned over, pushing Keith’s hair away to kiss the nape of his neck. “Are you sure?” 

Keith nodded before chuckling softly. “Yeah. I’m sure. I’m good.” Lance nodded and kissed his cheek lightly, not really sure if he should kiss his mouth anymore. 

He leaned away, grabbing the condom packet that fell to the floor and tearing it open. While he got it on Keith was already grabbing the lube and squeezing it into his hand. He coated himself again and spread his legs further, pulling himself up onto his hands. Lance took the lube spread it on himself too before lining himself up. 

He wanted to check in on Keith again, but with the way his toes and hands kept curling in, he figured Keith was reaching his limit on patience. Besides, this part Lance knew how to do. This part wouldn’t be new with Keith. He slid one hand up his back and kept the other at his hip, keeping him in place. 

Lance worked this part slowly, more to tease than a precaution. He pulled back out each time he pushed in a little deeper, until he could see the hunch of Keith’s shoulders from the tension. He’d been so focused on his pace that he forgot to watch Keith’s body and was taken completely by surprise when Keith pushed himself back, taking Lance in to the base. 

Both of them let out a needy moan. Keith’s was closer to a yelp where Lance’s was more of an animalistic groan. He draped himself over Keith, holding his hips close, their bodies feeling inseparable. 

“You’re very impatient, you know?” 

“Maybe you’re just too patient.” Lance laughed against his neck and started kissing the sensitive skin there. He held himself up with one hand, placed next to Keith’s. At least until Keith noticed and interlocked their fingers. “Please move,” he murmured. 

Lance nodded and started rocking his hips forward slowly. Keith’s back arched, his hurried breaths rushing through his nose as he bit down on his lips. “So gorgeous,” Lance whispered, wrapping his freed hand around Keith’s torso to keep him pressed close. He was still so tight despite the preparation, and the warmth made Lance feel like he was losing his mind. He hadn’t even realized he was speeding up until Keith started letting out little gasps.

Before he could even consider slowing down, he felt Keith moving his own hips, meeting him at his pace. Lance untangled their hands and stood upright, grabbing Keith’s hips before thrusting into him at a faster pace. Keith let out a low moan and let himself fall against the mattress again. 

Meanwhile, Lance watched his ass ripple with each smack of their skin, and he dug his thumbs into the flesh, drawing out a soft curse from Keith. Soft grunts filled the room, and Lance suddenly missed being able to see Keith. All he had was the view of his back, bowed over as he shoved himself into the bed. And as beautiful as the sight of tousled hair a bouncing well-rounded ass was, he liked seeing his flushed face more. He wanted Keith’s hands on him, not on the bed. 

He pulled out, and Keith began to grumble out a protest. Lance gently nudged him onto his side until he was able to get him to turn onto his back. 

“What are you doing?” he asked, pushing himself back with his elbows as Lance got onto the bed with his knees. 

“Wanted to see your face.” Keith blushed and stifled a surprised gasp as Lance pushed his legs up. Being a dancer, he wasn’t surprised that Keith’s body had no problem folding into itself. Lance pushed into him again, watching Keith’s face go slack as his eyes rolled back. “There we go,” Lance said with a smirk. He nuzzled his face into his neck, planting soft kisses with the slow rolls of his hips.

Keith’s arms hesitantly wrapped around him, little grunts reverberating in his throat. Lance thrust into him a little harder, a little deeper and he felt Keith’s fingers grasp at him as an unreserved, “ _ Ah-h fuck!”  _ slipped from his mouth. If it hadn’t been for the way his legs hooked around Lance, he would’ve thought he’d hurt him. “C’mon, Lance,  _ please.”  _

Lance hushed him gently and continued lavishing him in kisses, keeping every movement slow until Keith was panting and squirming under him, bringing his hips up and mindlessly gripping onto his shoulders. Soft, barely audible pleas were murmured into Lance’s ear. 

“God, fasterfast _ erfasterfas-please!”  _ Keith moaned, as Lance obliged. He pulled himself up onto his knees, gripping Keith by his thighs. The next thrust made Keith arch his back off the bed and let out a surprisingly loud moan. 

“Oh, perfect,” Lance said with a smirk. Keith looked at him with hazy, lilac eyes that screwed shut when Lance began pistoning his hips in and out relentlessly. He was driven both by the pleasure of the tightening warmth around him, but more so by the way a scarlet flush had begun making its way down Keith’s chest, the way his teeth clenched in attempt to muffle the grunts from each thrust, the way his hands reached for Lance. They reached for  _ Lance.  _ Any part of him they could touch. 

A light sheen of sweat layered his forehead, the crevices of his collarbone and neck. “Fuck, Lance, you feel so good,” Keith said in a broken voice. Lance held onto him harder, repositioning his own legs for a less tiring position. 

Keith's body arched off the bed as his hands held into Lance's thighs. His hair stuck to his neck and his forehead. His eyes fluttered open and shut between gasps for breath. It was a sight Lance didn't think he would ever tire of. 

One of Keith's hands wrapped around his own length, barely managing a few tugs before he was clamping his free hand over his mouth. Lance watched, unrelenting in his movement as Keith's body tensed and shook in front of him, his face an expression of pure bliss. 

And then his eyes opened, a sliver of grayish purple so soft, so ethereal it took the breath out of Lance. 

“Don't stop,” Keith whispered, his voice tight and breathless. His arm shook as he reached for Lance. He pulled him down by the nape of his neck until Lance was draped over him again. Lance cradled his head in his arms. He could feel the cold, sweaty locks of hair, the residual shivers and gradual tension of Keith's body as he held him. “Come on, Lance,” Keith murmured. 

He felt the muscle surrounding him clench, and a searing hot tightening of his abdomen as he continued fucking into an oversensitive Keith. He felt blunt nails raking into his back and heaving breaths at the side of his face. 

Soft curses continued to slip from Keith's mouth, his voice breaking more and more until Lance allowed whatever primal instinct he was suppressing to overcome him, desperate for release. 

The bed frame thudded against the wall obnoxiously. “ _ Keith,”  _ he growled. But Keith couldn't talk. He was busy biting onto Lance's shoulder in a last attempt to silence himself. A stinging bite that had Lance overcome with white hot burst of fireworks until he was collapsing over Keith, shivering, sweaty, and breathless. 

Keith's hand was scratching his head idly, their trembling breaths the only sound in the room. 

“Lance,” Keith whispered. Lance hummed, unable to pick himself up. “You did so good.” Lance tightened his arms around him, pressing kisses to the side of his neck. “Surprisingly good for a first time.” 

Lance chuckled. “I read a lotta articles.” Keith laughed at that, causing another shiver to course through Lance's body. He pulled himself off to lay beside him, basking in the leftover warmth coursing through his body as he burrowed into Keith’s side. “How do you feel?” 

There was a soft, tired hum. Then a raspy, “Good. Really good.” Keith turned and curled into Lance’s chest. Lance smiled at that. It was so different from the first time they’d slept together when Keith seemed to expect him to walk away, when he’d been so surprised at any caress. “I’m all sweaty and gross though.” 

“What a coincidence me too,” Lance said. Keith snorted. “I’ll go get the water running, hold on.” He pressed a kiss to his forehead before untangling himself and going to the bathroom. He turned the water on then turned to the sink to brush his teeth and rinse his mouth. He’d been dying to kiss Keith, but he wasn’t sure how he would feel about that. It was different kissing someone after they blew you versus what Lance had just done. At least Lance figured as much. 

He felt a pair of arms wrap around him and he looked in the mirror to see Keith resting his chin on his shoulder. His voice was low and raspy as he spoke. “You’re joining me, right?” Lance smirked and winked at him through the mirror. He felt a light pinch on his ass and yelped, nearly choking on toothpaste. “Vocal answer, pretty boy.” 

Lance rolled his eyes and rinsed his mouth out before turning around to face Keith. “Yeah, I’m joining.” Keith smiled and pulled him into a kiss. He pulled away and turned to the shower, touching the water before stepping in. It gave Lance a clear view of all the marks on his backside. “Beautiful,” he whispered to himself. 

Then he made his way toward the shower to join him. 

It was unfair how attractive Keith was. His head was tilted up towards the spray of water, making his skin glisten as the water hugged him and trailed down every crevice of his body. His hair lost its volume as the water soaked into it, making it look longer. But seeing the way it looked pushed back from his face was a sight Lance wanted engraved into his brain. 

“You’re letting cold air in,” Keith complained, using his hands to wipe some water from his face before opening his eyes. “What are you doing?” 

“Admiring.” Keith turned red, but flicked water at him in retaliation for it. Lance laughed and closed the curtain, scooting under the water where Keith made room for him. 

Keith reached for the shampoo and squeezed some into the palm of his hand before tugging Lance forward and lathering his head. He scratched and tousled until Lance's head was full of bubbles that smelled like coconut. 

“Shouldn't I be the one washing you down?”

“Are you complaining?” Keith teased. Lance shook his head, purposefully making foamy bubbles splatter around them. “Lance!” Keith laughed and shielded his face. 

When it was Lance's turn to wash Keith down, he'd had every intention of making horns and Mohawks and a Santa beard and tickling him. But one his hands were in his soft hair, all he could do was gently massage his head to draw out a soft, content hum. He used slow strokes with the loofah across his body. Trailing a hand after the bubbles that streaked his skin. 

“That tickles,” Keith said with a soft chuckle. Lance smiled and nudged him under the water, running his hands over his body to help wash the suds off. 

Lance tilted his face toward him and leaned in to kiss him. He could taste the water running down his face, feel the warmth of the water amplified by how close they were. Keith's hands wrapped around his waist and Lance gently coaxed his mouth open. 

Kissing Keith was one of the most wonderful experiences Lance had ever known. It left him breathless each time. It didn't matter if it was a soft kiss or one filled with urgent desire, those lips would leave Lance wanting more. 

“Water's getting cold,” Keith murmured against him, only to continue licking into his mouth. 

“Am I not hot enough for you?” 

That made the kiss stop as Keith burst into unreserved laughter, covering his mouth as he leaned into Lance's shoulder for support. 

Lance smiled to himself and hugged him close. 

“I like your laugh,” he said. 

Keith lifted his head and pecked his cheek. “I sometimes like your jokes.” 

“Wha-hey!” Keith reached around him to shut off the water. “That was rude.” Lance felt for the towels he had hanging up on a nearby hook and handed one to Keith.

“I'll make it up to you.” Keith ruffled the towel in his hair before wrapping it around his waist and stepping out. His hair stuck out and water drops slid down his chest and over his shoulder blades. 

Lance chuckled and stepped out of the shower to tug Keith back by his arm. “God, I can't get enough of you.” He kissed him again and felt the smile against his lips before Keith bit down on his lower lip playfully. 

He pulled away and looked at Lance with a smile, soft and dazed. “C’mon,” he said softly. “I think we left the TV on.” Lance followed after him, wrapping the towel around his waist as he went into his closet to get clothes to sleep in. 

By the time Lance got dressed, Keith was back in the living room with the towel draped around his neck. “Do you not dry your hair?” Lance asked, watching drops of water slide down his face or onto the towel. 

“It air dries.” 

Lance rolled his eyes and sat Keith down on the couch. Then he took the towel and tousled his hair with it, playfully and insistently. After a few more tousles, he pulled the towel away and took section of longer hair to dry between the towel until his hair was a damp, fluffy mess. It was still wet, but at least it wasn’t dripping water. 

“There,” Lance said, running his fingers through the dark hair. Keith chuckled and put his hands on Lance’s hips. He leaned forward to press a kiss to his bare stomach, gently licking up. “Oh, are we going for another round?” Lance asked playfully. 

Keith snorted and wrapped his arms around his waist. He rested his forehead on Lance’s torso, leaning into him. “No, not tonight, pretty boy.” He sighed and leaned back to look up at him. “Could you kiss me again?” 

There was something in Keith’s eyes. It wasn’t distant or guarded. Not quite fear, but… uncertainty maybe. Though with the way he was holding onto Lance, he knew it wasn’t about him. After their night together, he knew Keith was more comfortable with him than he had been at first. It left him wondering what that look was, or if he was reading it right. 

Without the answers to any of it, he leaned down in hopes that his kiss would be able to erase it all and just let Keith come back to him, live in that moment with him. With the way he kissed Lance back, he figured he’d succeeded. 


	9. Addiction

The warmth of the body draped over him added to the heat of the water, added to the breathlessness and the sweat prickling his skin along with the steam clinging to the back of his neck. 

“La-Lance,” Keith grunted. “I gotta go, pretty boy. I can’t be late.” 

“One day, ten minutes late, they won’t kick you off the team,” Lance panted behind him. 

“I’m  _ captain,”  _ Keith said, his voice hitching as Lance’s hips moved perfectly. “I’ll make it up to you later, but I really gotta get dressed.”

Lance grumbled but eventually pulled away, kissing along Keith’s neck instead. 

After spending the weekend with him (and Pidge and Hunk when they stopped by on Sunday), Keith had taken to staying at Lance’s a couple more times during the week. Lance stopped by his dance practices in the evening to bring him food on Tuesday, and picked him up on Wednesday after his classes. At least Keith could say he was being a positive influence, seeing as Lance liked to wake up with Keith, however early to see if he could convince him to stay a little longer in the mornings. 

Keith stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel and dried himself off. As he finished changing, he heard Lance shut the water off. He saw him in the doorway of the bathroom, the towel wrapped low around his hips. 

He smirked and raised an eyebrow as he grabbed his jacket. “Finish yourself off, pretty boy?” 

Lance rolled his eyes and smiled back. “No.” Keith chuckled and went to kiss him before leaving. But Lance grabbed his hand and kept him in place, lips skimming his neck. “You staying tonight too?”

“I can. But I’ll come by after I get lunch with Shiro. He’s meeting with me after practice, so don’t worry about bringing me anything today.” Lance nodded and pulled back to kiss him. “You make it so hard to walk away from you.” 

“Good,” Lance said with a pleased, cocky smirk. 

Keith rolled his eyes and nudged him toward the bed. “Go back to sleep. You don’t have class for another four hours.” He kissed his cheek and inhaled that soft coconut scent that clung to his skin and hair. “I’ll see you later.” 

“I’ll see you later. Text me,” Lance said. As Keith walked down the hallway, he heard Lance’s voice again. “God, you are the epitome of hate to see you go but love to watch you leave,  _ mi principe. _ ” 

Keith turned and saw Lance eyeing him from the bedroom doorway. He only winked in response and walked out the door, hoping Lance didn’t catch his blush. 

When he got to the rehearsal space, Alexa was already holding out a concealer for him. He took it wordlessly and worked on hiding the hickeys Lance left that morning and over the week. 

“That beginning stage of a relationship is the best, isn’t it,” Alexa said with a teasing smile. “Fuck after fuck. I mean you’ve been practically glowing every day.” 

“Please don’t ever say that again,” Keith said, forcing the blush in his cheeks to dissipate. So they’d been spending more time between the sheets since Friday night. It wasn’t a big deal. Sex was fun and Lance was good at it. 

Besides, it wasn't the only thing they did. They did homework, they made chocolate cake in the middle of the night, they binged Netflix, they talked about their classes or their families or about their favorite movies. And it wasn't really a  _ relationship.  _ They hadn't put a name to whatever they had, they were just going with it, which was working out perfectly fine. 

Once all the marks were covered, he got the group together and they started working on the choreography for a new song. It was more experimentation than actual movement for that morning, taking the opinions of everyone to see what fit best. Before they were released that day, they went over the dances they did have down and cooled down with a playful dance that had them all more awake and less moody than they had been at first. 

After Keith dismissed them, he talked to Colleen a little about the drafted choreography they got and they decided on polishing it that evening. He was still grabbing his things when she’d left, and he heard someone clear their throat. 

He didn’t have to turn to know who it was. But it was strange because Roland hadn’t spoken to him directly since the week before. “What do you want?” 

There was no response. Keith looked over his shoulder and saw him standing against the wall, head ducked so his dirty blond hair covered his face. Keith figured that was just as well. He didn’t want to talk to him any more than he had the week before. 

He started for the door and when his hands touched the door handle, he heard him call out a hoarse, “Wait!” Keith sighed and turned to him, arms crossed. “Could I… use some of the concealer?” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and didn’t say anything. At least not until Roland looked up and he saw the deep purple bruise around his eyes and on his cheekbone. “Jesus, who did you piss off this time?” 

Roland narrowed his eyes and looked away. “I don’t wanna talk about it. Can I use it or not?” 

Keith sighed and dropped his duffel bag to look for the concealer Alexa let him use. He handed it over and stood aside watching as Roland smeared it on, haphazardly. He kept wincing, and it was obvious he didn't know how to use the thing right. 

“Alright, let me see,” Keith said with a sigh. 

“I can do it,” he snapped. “It just hurts.”

Keith took the concealer and shoved his hands away. “Maybe, but Alexa is gonna strangle me if she thinks I wasted her makeup. Let me see.” He used a finger to smear and blend the makeup, grimacing each time Roland winced and flinched back. “You know you can't keep coming here with these bruises without worrying Colleen.” 

“You were the reason behind the first ones.” Keith shrugged. “Can I ask you something?” Keith narrowed his eyes as he finished. “It's not about the ragdoll that keeps coming by at the end of our practices.”

That made Keith scowl as he wiped his finger. “His name is Lance. Insult him again and I'll be causing more of those bruises on your face.” Roland rolled his eyes. “If I didn't know any better, I'd say you sound jealous.”

“Alright, alright. I'm sorry.” Keith crossed his arms and eyed him warily. “Do you hate me?” 

The question took him by surprise. He recalled the pain he felt when Roland told him to go away, accused him of corrupting him, all the pain that came after Keith had to be at dance rehearsals with him every day, the pain that came from Roland pretending he didn't know Keith as he trailed behind his girlfriend. He thought of how much of a zombie he'd become, to the point that Shiro had no idea what to do for him, to the point that Shiro was afraid to leave him alone. All of that pain and all of that fear that came from it. 

That pain and fear was still there. If he thought really hard about those memories, he could feel that agonizing heartache again. But if he didn't think of them, they were faded emotions. And he knew that was thanks to Lance. It was thanks to that pretty boy who greeted him with a kiss no matter who was looking, who held his hand as they walked no matter how many people stared, who gushed about him to his friends so much it became a source of blackmail for Hunk and Pidge. 

Keith shook his head. “No, I don't hate you. That would be giving you way too much time of day.” Roland stared at him wordlessly for a while. “I don't know what's going on with you. You attack me in a bathroom and tell me all this shit, then all of a sudden you're trying to play nice? What are you trying to get at?” 

Roland shook his head and stood up. “My head's just messed up right now. Thanks for helping me.” He didn't spare another look at Keith before he was heading out the door.

Keith didn't give it much thought. He didn't spare Roland another thought for the rest of the day, not even when he saw him again at rehearsals that afternoon. And Roland seemed to keep his distance too. 

Just like that, it was back to the usual- pretending the other didn't exist unless the choreography stated otherwise. 

By the time Keith went out to where he’d parked his motorcycle, Shiro was waiting beside it with his own. He looked up when he heard Keith’s footsteps and smiled. “So I’ve been craving burgers.” 

“Burgers it is,” Keith answered. With that, they put on their helmets and left campus. Keith followed him until they reached a small little family-owned diner that had been put up. Adam had taken Shiro there on their first date, and it quickly became Shiro’s favorite place for a burger. It had kind service and delicious food- and was typically where he took Keith when he felt they needed to have some brotherly time together. 

They were seated outside, the cool wind welcomed in light of the stifling heat inside. Shiro looked him over, eyes lingering on his neck before he smiled. “So, how’ve you been, stranger? I hardly see you anymore.” 

Keith rolled his eyes. “Oh, c’mon. I stop at the house every day. It’s not my fault you’re just usually not there when I do.” 

“No, yeah, it’s cool. I’ve replaced you with the giant Stitch in your room. He’s quiet, doesn’t come out of there, and never answers the door when I knock. Not a big difference.” Keith balled up a napkin and threw at him with a slight scowl, which only made Shiro laugh. “No, but really how’ve you been? It just seems like there’s been a big shift with you and Lance, and I just wanted to see how you’ve been feeling about it.” 

It was something about the way Shiro said that, with a kind of hesitance that made Keith nervous to answer. He shrugged and busied himself by drinking some of his soda. “I’ve been good. We’re good.” 

Shiro nodded, and seemed to drop it for the time being. But Keith knew his brother. He knew he was saving the unpleasant stuff until after the food, when Keith had the option of storming off. 

“So, Roland's been acting weird,” Keith said, fishing for anything aside from the elephant in the room. 

It only made Shiro scowl. “Please tell me you're not talking to that piece of shit again.” 

“I'm not. Not a lot. I mean, I'm the captain now, so I sort of have to, but not…. I just meant he's been acting sort of… nice but weird ever since Lance started coming around.” Shiro grunted, taking a bite of the burger that had been placed in front of him. “Well, okay, we're not talking about Roland, we're not talking about Lance- at least not yet- so, why don't you tell me what you want to talk about before you bring up whatever it is you want to say in the first place?” he snapped. 

Shiro only fixed him with a steady, if slightly amused face. “Keith, relax. Eat.” 

He might have argued if he weren't so hungry. Instead, he ate and let Shiro fill the time with random comments about people from work, something funny Adam did, or something he saw on TV. 

Finally the last ketchup smeared get was eaten and their cups were down to ice. Shiro drummed his fingers on the table and Keith waited, feeling his stomach grow tighter by the second. 

“So this new relationship-” 

“It's not a relationship,” Keith interrupted. 

“Right,” Shiro said, voice dripping with disbelief. “So the dates and the texting and the calling and the hickeys and that giant Stitch guarding a strip of photos in your room, plus I'm assuming the sex you keep going to his place for- that's all just usual stuff you do with anyone.” 

Keith narrowed his eyes and clasped his hands together. “He has no obligations to me, and I have none to him. We don't have a label, we're not in a relationship-” 

“So if he were to be making out with someone else right now andnyou saw him, you wouldn't be upset?” Keith clenched his jaw, the displeased twitch of his face too quick for him to stop. “Or okay, you're telling me if we threw another party tomorrow, I might find you making out with some stranger by the beer keg? Since you're not under any obligation or label with Lance?” Keith stared at him silently, tampering down the uncomfortable rage that filled his chest at the thought of any of those situations. “If that's the case, why did I bother inviting this guy over to dinner tomorrow?” 

“What's your point?” Keith muttered, kicking at the leg of the table restlessly. 

Shiro sighed and crossed his arms. “My point is that this thing you have with Lance, whatever the hell you wanna call it, might be… moving really fast.” Keith rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Last week, you were terrified of moving forward in this, and now this week you're practically moved in with him, Keith. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're opening up, but I'm scared you'll get too dependent or something-” 

“I thought you said I had the right to be stupid at my age.” 

“Yeah by making impulsive choices, not by being purposefully reckless! I mean, what do you even want out of this? Do you  _ want  _ a relationship, because you won't even name it! Do you want a fuck buddy, because if so you're a little too invested for it-” 

“What the fuck do you care, Shiro?” Keith yelled, not caring about the other table on the other end of the patio staring at them. “You tell me to have fun be young, then you turn around and lecture me about it? What does it matter if I don't want to name it? So what if I don't want to call him my boyfriend? It just means he won't end up being an ex, that's one less label I have to worry about!” 

Shiro stared at him that frustration that had been building in his eyes gone, replaced by that immediate worry and care Keith had noticed the second he'd walked into the Shirogane household. That look that said Shiro knew he was in charge of Keith, of protecting him, that he knew he was the big brother. Sometimes it made Keith feel happy and grateful. Sometimes it made him angry. 

“I care because I'm the one who ends up picking up the pieces and putting you back together, Hippo.” Keith scoffed, but the nickname had its effect. It calmed him down, and extinguished his anger. 

“You had to use that damn name,” Keith muttered. 

When Keith had first arrived at the Shirogane household, he refused to speak. Shiro had asked him his name, but Keith refused to answer. Shiro knew it of course, but he wanted Keith to tell him. And despite his age, he always went to bed with a blanket that had discolored cartoon hippos on it because it was the only thing he had since he was a baby in the orphanage and each of his foster homes.

Which made Shiro take to calling him Hippo until Keith finally spoke to him. 

“I keep telling you, you don't know how to do things in mediation. Yeah, I want you to take risks and have fun and recover from assholes like Roland and… He Who Shall Not Be Named.” Keith rolled his eyes. “But that doesn't mean you have to jump right into it. It's like you want to rush to get as much out of it before it goes away, and… Keith, you can't live like that. Expecting everyone to go away or disappear.” 

Keith didn't say anything to that. He felt like a reprimanded five year old. Shiro let him wallow for a bit, poking at the fry bits and bread crumbs from his burger. 

There was a lot Keith wanted to say, he knew that. He felt that in his chest, words that wanted a way out. But they all became half-thought sentences that made no sense and rendered him silent. 

After a while, Shiro said, “I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. And I'm not trying to make you doubt Lance. I just want you to be careful. You're an adult, you can do whatever you want, I just…. I worry about you.” 

“I can't help but feel the way I feel, Shiro. I don't want to be scared, but that doesn't make it go away.” 

“I know,” Shiro said softly. He waited a minute before asking, “So if he's not your boyfriend I guess I don't have to embarrass you tomorrow. You're still coming, right?” 

Keith smiled a bit before nodding. “Yeah. And he's super nervous about it so be nice.” Shiro scoffed and mimed a halo around his head. “And thank you, by the way. For being there to pick me up.” 

Shiro smiled at him. “It's what brothers do.” He gathered up his trash and kept his eyes on the table. “You coming home or headed to Lance's?” 

“Lance's..,” he said hesitantly. Shiro only smirked and rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah, it's cool. I've been getting way more action with you out of the house anyway.” 

“Oh! Oh God, Shiro! Fuck you, I didn't need that,” Keith groaned, throwing more padded up napkins at him. “Seriously a piece of information I could have lived without.” 

Once they got back to their motorcycles, Shiro surprised Keith by pulling him into a hug before he could grab his helmet. Keith sputtered, but eventually wrapped his arms around his brother, knowing Shiro wasn’t going to let go until Keith reciprocated. Shiro’s hugs had quickly become Keith’s favorite. They were the most sincere, most unapologetic, least hesitant. 

His mom’s were always a little too soft, like she was afraid Keith would push her away. His foster parents gave him occasional hugs, feeling that Keith would prefer his distance. Over the years, Keith had foster parents that hugged him in various ways, but none like his brother. These hugs had kept him together on heartbroken nights, had calmed down the worst of his tempers, had comforted him when he least thought he needed it. 

Just like now.

“All jokes aside, you know I’m here for you right?” Keith nodded. “Good. I love you, Hippo. Let me know when you get to his place, so I know you got there safe. And I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll text you when I start the grill.” 

“I love you too, Shiro. I’ll text you. And we’re both looking forward to those burgers. I told Lance yours are the best he’ll ever taste, so, y’know, no pressure.” Shiro laughed and playfully tousled his hair until Keith was groaning and shoving his hand away. “Bye, Shiro.” Shiro nodded and they both got onto their motorcycles before speeding off. 

He didn’t actually lose sight of Shiro until they reached the highway. By the time he got to Lance’s he was trying not to think too much about what Shiro had said. The whole relationship, and what he wanted, and doing things in mediation. He didn’t think he depended on Lance. Maybe they were moving fast, but in this day and age, didn’t most people?

He sent Shiro a text that he was at Lance’s and then tried to shake off the day’s conversation. He went to the front door and knocked, surprised when Hunk answered the door instead. 

“Hey, man!” he greeted, letting him in. Keith walked in and heard Pidge greet him from the living room. “Lance is in the bathroom,” Hunk said. 

“You nervous for tomorrow?” Pidge asked with a smile. “Lance told us about Shiro inviting him over for burgers. He made us help him find a good outfit.” 

“An outfit?” Keith asked.

“To impress him,” Hunk said. “Once we got out of class, we met him at the mall. Swear, the more important the event, the pickier he gets.” Keith laughed and relished in the warm feeling that burst in his stomach. 

Then he heard an exclamation of, “ _ Mi principe!”  _ before he felt a mass crash into his side, wrapping his arms around him and pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

Keith chuckled and blushed, pretending he didn’t see Hunk and Pidge’s knowing little eye contact. “Hey, pretty boy,” Keith greeted, turning to look at him. 

Lance smiled widely and kissed him on the mouth before letting go and plopping down on the couch. “How was lunch with Shiro?” 

He hesitated for a split second before smiling. “Good. Says he replaced me with Stitch.” Lance laughed, but the way his eyes lingered told Keith he knew there was more to it. “What are you guys up to?” 

“Hunk’s gonna make cookies before he goes to the library with Pidge to write an essay,” Lance said. He patted the space beside him to get Keith to sit down. He followed and sat beside him, almost immediately sinking into Lance's side. He wrapped his arm around Keith before freezing. “Is this… okay?” 

“Huh? Yeah, why?” 

“The arm around you thing,” he said sheepishly. 

Keith smiled and leaned further into him. “You're fine. It's different when it's a hug. You're not leading me while we walk or… using it to claim me as property or something.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows, and Keith could see the questions brewing in his soft ocean eyes. “You're fine,” he assured, stopping the questions before the could start. 

Lance responded by hugging him tighter. 

“Are you gonna show Keith your outfit for tomorrow?” Pidge asked once they stopped whispering. 

“I mean it's not all that fancy or anything. It's a cookout,” Lance said. 

From the kitchen, Keith heard Hunk snort. “I wish you were that lenient about it when we were shopping!” Lance grumbled and tried to hide his blush. “Come on stop mumbling and help me make the cookies or you get none.” 

“What kind of best friend-?” Lance scoffed and kissed Keith's temple before standing up. “Why can't you just give me cookies, you do it for Pidge!” Lance kept complaining as he walked over to Hunk. 

Pidge just laughed and rolled her eyes as she skimmed through Netflix. Keith waited until he could hear Lance and Hunk laughing in the kitchen before turning to Pidge and nudging her. She looked at him over the rim of her glasses. 

“Can I ask you something?” She nodded and put on a random show Lance had already been watching. She turned to Keith with a raised eyebrow. “How come you guys never… freaked out about Lance liking me? I mean, you guys seem really chill about it, but… Lance said he'd never been with a guy before, so…. I don't know, I guess I expected a fuss.” 

Pidge smiled and shrugged. “I mean, we did flip out in the car when he told us after the party. We weren't expecting it. But after we digested the information along with nursing our hangovers, we figured it was just… Lance. He's got a big heart, and I don't know if he sees it. Maybe it's the poet in him, but he's just… always seen people for more than what's on the surface.” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. Poet? He knew Lance liked poetry, but he'd never seen him write anything. Never read anything he'd written. But maybe that's what the worn out journals in his bookcase were full of. Somehow that fit him. Lance the poet. 

“Lance likes to ‘go with the flow’ in life. And honestly, after, y’know his last relationship, we were just mostly relieved that he was so serious about someone again.” 

“He's never talked about any previous relationships….” 

Pidge looked at him steadily, her amber eyes calculating. “I wouldn't expect him to. He doesn't like dwelling on the past. But as friends we were worried. We were glad when you came along. Besides it's 2018, we're past the whole ‘guys can like guys, question mark’ deal.” Keith chuckled and nudged the soles of his shoes together. “You don't still think he's not serious, do you?” 

“Oh, no, that's not it. I just… I don't know.” When Keith asked him before, Lance only said something drew him to Keith. A perfect storybook love story line of inexplicable magnetism that would wither away any logical doubt. A line Keith had accepted because the way Lance said it made it sound genuine. The way Lance treated him made it sound real. Lance the poet. 

Pidge stood up and sat beside Keith. “Keith. Hunk and I haven't seen Lance like this in a really long time.” The way her voice broke at the end made him look over at her. She was smiling, but her eyes were glassy. “It's like he's more himself when he's around you. You have no idea how much I missed that.” She blinked and looked up at the ceiling. “Shit, I didn't mean to get emotional.” 

“No, it's okay,” Keith said. He couldn't help but wonder what had happened with Lance's ex to have left him so messed up. He couldn't imagine someone breaking Lance's heart that badly. But if Lance didn't like dwelling in the past, if whatever this person did to him ruined him so much that Pidge was near tears about Lance being normal, he wasn't sure he wanted to ask yet. He didn't want to make Lance tell him.

Lance had been patient with Keith. Waited until Keith was ready to talk about his own past, backed off when he noticed Keith getting uncomfortable with questions. Keith could do the same for him. 

Pidge sighed and grabbed a textbook, busying herself. Keith looked over at the kitchen and saw Lance looking over at them worriedly. Keith smiled, hoping it would reassure him. Lance smiled and was pulled by Hunk who was asking him for something. Still bent over her textbook, Pidge said, “I mean I get it. It does sound strange, and if this were anyone else, I’d be suspicious too. But Lance is an honest person.” She looked at him and smiled. “If he says he likes you, he means it.”

Keith smiled back and nodded. But Shiro’s question kept rummaging around his brain. 

_ What do you want?  _

At the moment, Keith wanted to cuddle up next to Lance and steady himself by counting his breaths. That’s all he wanted. 

A while later,the cookies were done, Hunk and Pidge had gone to the library, and Lance had his arms around Keith as they sat on the couch. 

“You okay?” Lance murmured in his ear. 

Keith nodded and and leaned back into him. “Just a little spoon kind of day,” he said. 

Lance hummed and hugged him tighter. “What happened at lunch?” 

Keith shook his head. “Ah, you know. Shiro just fulfilling his big brother duties. Making sure I'm not pregnant or something.” 

“Keith.”

“I know, I told him it's biologically impossible but, I mean, big brothers- whatcha gonna do?” 

He felt his head get tilted until he met Lance's eyes. Soft and comforting and the kind of blue that Keith only saw in surreal paintings. 

There was a smile on his face, but a quiet steadiness in that shade of blue in his eyes. “If you don't want to tell me, you can say that too, you know?” 

He wasn't sure why that was so relieving to hear. “I… I don't want to talk about it right now.” Lance nodded and kissed him lightly. 

“We still going to the cookout tomorrow?” Keith nodded. “Cool. Because I was running around  _ como gallina sin cabeza  _ looking for something to wear-” 

“Wait, what?” Keith said with a laugh. “I understood the word hen and that's all.” 

Lance blushed and hid his face in Keith's shoulder. “It's a saying. Like a chicken without its head. You know, chickens kind of run around all crazy when their heads get cut off. My mom liked to say it when she would struggle to get us ready.” 

“Ooh, that's morbid.” Lance laughed softly, and Keith angled his head to force him out of hiding is face. “I like hearing you speak Spanish. It sounds like music.” 

“You should hear me singing in Spanish,” he answered with a laugh. 

Keith brightened and turned to him. “Could I?” 

Lance hesitated and laughed nervously. “I was kidding. I'm not much of a singer.” Keith hummed, swearing he'd heard him singing in the car before. “But I can teach you all the swear words.” 

Keith rolled his eyes and smirked. “What about a poem?” Lance furrowed his eyebrows, looking at him uncertainly. “You have a lot of poetry books in your bookshelf. Do you have a favorite in Spanish?” 

Lance bit his lip and thought for a moment. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. His voice was small when he spoke again. It was a whispered melody of sounds Keith didn’t understand. The sounds of the s’s overtook the letter between in the softness of his speaking. His mouth moved differently. Keith could hear the occasional lilt, the accent placed on a certain syllable, he felt the rhythm of the words the way Lance spoke them. He could imagine where each line break would go. Lance’s voice got steadier as he spoke, stronger. Keith stared at him, fascinated by the calm expression on his face, wistful even. 

There was a peacefulness in Lance’s face as he recited the poem from memory, eyebrows furrowing now and then, the ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, the gentleness of his voice, like a caress. Until his voice lowered again and he opened his eyes. They were distant, longing. The smile finally stretched across his face slowly, and Keith was afraid to speak, afraid to break the spell Lance had cast. 

Then those eyes were on him, smiling fondly, chuckling at the awestruck expression on Keith’s face. “That was Pablo Neruda’s  _ El Mar.  _ The Sea. Neruda grew up with the ocean, and usually found a lot of inspiration there. The poem is about the beauty of it, the importance it had and the love he felt for it. I love that poem because I always felt like the words were picked from my brain.” Lance ran his hand through Keith’s hair slowly. “I haven’t recited poetry in a long time. I’m surprised I still remembered it.”

“Why haven’t you?” Keith asked softly, feeling himself melt into him again at the gentleness of his touch. No one had ever touched Keith so carefully, so softly…. 

“Just caught up in other school work. I read them when I have time, but… I haven’t really said any or written any….” He shrugged and set his chin on Keith’s shoulder, his arms wrapped around him, his legs crossed under Keith’s own. Keith was fully encased by Lance, and it was comforting. 

“Well, if you ever wanna read any to me…. I never liked poetry because I never understood it. It felt like a coded message and I never knew how the hell to decode it. But the way you read it, even in another language… it makes me feel like I can understand it.” Lance chuckled and hugged him tighter. After a moment, Keith felt a nod. “Hey, Lance?” 

“Hmm?” 

“I know we have some unfinished business from this morning, but… I think I just want to do this tonight.” 

“That sounds perfect to me.” The response made Keith smile. He knew Lance wouldn’t have gotten annoyed or upset. He knew Lance wouldn’t even have initiated anything more if Keith didn’t. Still, it was nice to be right. It was nice to know him that well. 

They channel surfed through movies until they came upon Shrek 2, which was apparently one of many of Lance’s favorites. He was even mumbling the lines under his breath along with the character, but Keith could hear it clearly at his ear. He couldn’t help but smile at that. It was cute.

Eventually, Lance laid down, bringing Keith with him, insisting he get the prime little spoon treatment. About ten minutes from the ending, Lance fell asleep, his breaths slow and tickling Keith’s neck. 

He waited until the next movie was well over halfway before turning the TV off and pulling Lance into his arms to get him to bed. Lance, heavy sleeper that he was, only grunted in response to being hoisted up and carried. Keith was still careful about laying him down, though. Once he was tucked in, he ran his hand through his silky brown hair and observed the way the faint light streaking in accented his cheekbone, his jawline….

There was a part of Keith that felt like he was on a timer. He didn’t know how long the timer would go, but it was counting down, and Keith couldn’t change that. He wondered if all these little things with Lance would one day become mere memories. Would the little spoon/big spoon switching become what the arm-over-shoulders thing had become? Would watching Shrek and quoting movies as they played become what graffiti had? Would poetry and singing in the car become what dance became- something he still enjoyed but would always have to share with someone who had made him feel robbed? 

He wondered if Lance would show Shrek 2 to someone new in the future. Wondered if he’d think of Keith if he did. It was just a movie. But sharing it with Lance made it feel like more than that, and the idea of one day losing Lance and knowing in the back of his brain that someone new would be the one watching him quote it and drum his fingers along to the music made his stomach flip. The idea of Lance discovering new movies and songs without him made Keith unable to breathe. The idea of someone else becoming his little spoon, his big spoon…. 

Shit, he fucked up. He’d been perfectly fine keeping his distance, and now, within the span of a week, he was clinging to the things that made them Keith-and-Lance. Shiro was right. He had no idea how to do things in mediation. It was either keep Lance at a distance or… fall ridiculously fast and hard for him. 

The problem was, Keith couldn’t just go back to keeping him at a distance. Not when he was in this deep. 

He laid down slowly so he could face Lance and breathed in the soft, sweet smell of his laundry detergent. Dragonfruit? He wrapped an arm around Lance and curled in closer. The knot in his throat eased when Lance tightened his hold on him. Even in his sleep, he brought Keith closer. 

Keith sighed leaned into his chest to let his heartbeat lull him to sleep. 

_ Please be different. It might take me a while to believe it, but please. Please stay. _


	10. Side Effects

Poetry invaded that night. Unfinished books, late assignments, pieces of half forgotten poems. Images Lance had created with rapid smeared pen scrawled across a paper took on life. He found himself walking through forests of jewels, sinking into tear-filled oceans, surrounded by hummingbirds and phoenixes, and holding bouquets of hyacinths and snapdragons.

He laid down on indigo colored grass until it became water keeping him afloat. He ate handfuls of bite sized sweet peaches and sour mangoes. Neon lights flickered above him in pretty green, orange, yellow, red, purple, blue, spinning slowly across the sky. 

All of a sudden the water around him was filling his nose and he was struggling to pull himself out. There were no tumultuous waves or overbearing current, just water rising more each time Lance managed to gasp for breath. 

_ Could you write me another poem,  _ mi amor?

“Lance, hey.”

_ Read it to me?  _

“-ake up, Lance, pl-” 

Lance could only see the lilac water, taste it in his throat. A blinding white light took away the twinkling neon, hurting his eyes. 

_ Keep going, it's okay.  _

“Lance!” 

He woke up with a gasp that sent dry, sharp air into his throat, causing him to start coughing and panicking more because his eyesight wasn't accommodating to the lack of light around him. He grabbed on to the first solid thing he could find, his other hand shoved away the covers. 

“Hey, hey, Lance easy, you're okay.” Lance touched his throat and tried to speak, but he kept coughing. “Hold on let me bring you some water.” Lance let him go. The light was flipped on, and Lance took in the surrounding of his room. 

Keith came back with a bottle of water and sat back down on the bed. Lance took it from him and drank enough to soothe his throat. 

“Thank you,” he croaked.

He was glad Keith had taken to spending most of the nights out of the week with him. All of them, really, aside from one since their date. It was comforting to have him near. It didn't keep the occasional dream about Allura away, but it kept him from suffocating under them. 

When the guilt of having Keith sleeping beside him while his dreams were riddled with Allura’s laugh and smile and touch started to overwhelm him, he thought of Romelle. And Pidge and Hunk. How they said he had every right to move on. 

Hunk had mentioned how glad he was that Lance was happy with someone. “You're not exactly like you were before, but at the same time you are,” he'd said. “After Allura, it was like you lost some of your light. Keith brought it back, or gave you a new one, I don't know. But it's good for you. He's good for you.” 

A conversation had in the deep recesses of shirt racks in the mall while Pidge kept one of the dressing rooms on hold for him as he scavenged for an outfit for the cookout. 

Now it wasn't guilt. It wasn't relief. It was… exhaustion. That's all Lance had in his limbs. 

He felt a light hand finger comb through his hair. “What happened?” Keith's voice was soft. Hesitant. Lance wondered if he'd ever had to deal with someone else's nightmares. A real one like this, not like ones that only jolted you awake and could be shoved in the darkest corners of your mind. Had he dealt with someone else thrashing, having to be woken up, struggling to ground themselves? 

“I was drowning.” Lance let his head fall, bringing his hands to his ears, trying to pry away that voice, those words. Keith put his hands over Lance's. 

Once he pulled them away, he kept them in his hands. “You're shaking.” Lance stared at their hands, letting that anchor him. “What can I do?” Lance furrowed his eyebrows and finally looked up at Keith. “Tell me what to do to help you calm down.” He looked nervous. Maybe a little frustrated. 

He wanted to help and he didn't know how. 

Lance sighed and pulled his hands away so he could lean over and lay his head in his lap. “I'll be okay,” Lance said. 

Keith didn't answer, but he continued running his fingers through his hair with one hand and soothingly rubbing his arm with the other. “Do you want to talk about it?” Lance shook his head. There was a long stretch of silence before Keith asked, “Was it my fault?” 

Lance turned to look up at him, but Keith's gaze was set elsewhere. “How could it possibly be your fault?” 

Dark eyebrows furrowed together, giving Keith an angry expression. “I asked you to say a poem and you told me the one about the ocean. You think it's just coincidence that you have a nightmare about drowning?” 

Oh, Keith. He was so close, but so far from it.

Lance pulled himself up and sat between Keith's legs, facing him with his legs on either side of him. “I promise that's not the case.” 

Keith didn't look convinced, but he wrapped his arms around Lance and brought him closer. The warmth from his body felt comforting to Lance. He felt the way Keith gradually started rocking him side to side. 

He heard a soft melodic murmur- closer to speaking in a rhythm than actually singing- of a broken, off tempo, off pitch song. A familiar song. 

“Are you singing to me,  _ principe?”  _

The rocking and the song stopped. “Is that okay?” Lance smiled and pressed himself closer against Keith. He kissed his cheek and nodded. 

He resumed the side to side swaying. His voice began again, low, raspy, blurring the words together. The melody was soothing. It soaked into his bones and eased the tension in his muscles. 

Once he was calmer, he picked his head up and looked at Keith with a serene smile as he kept whispering the song. Lance waited until another verse began before he joined Keith, singing just as softly. 

“ _ Someday I wish upon a star, wake up where the clouds are far behind me.”  _ Keith smiled as Lance sang with him. They finished the song together, their laughter at the end louder than their voices had been. 

Then Keith cupped his face and kissed him softly. “Do you need anything, pretty boy?” 

Lance sighed happily and leaned into the touch. “Mm. Nah. I've got it all here.” Keith's cheeks turned red and ducked his head, letting his hair fall in his face. “Sorry I woke you, by the way.” 

Keith peeked up at him from between raven hair, violet eyes bright. “Don't say that. I'm glad I was here.” He looked up and flipped the hair out of his face to stroke Lance's cheek. 

A glance over at his clock told him it was nearly four in the morning. Lance bit his lip, hoping he could sleep well the rest of the night. “Let me turn off the lights. You’ve got at least another hour of sleep before you have to get up.” Keith opened his mouth, but Lance didn’t let him protest. He got up and turned the light off before collapsing onto the bed again and yanking Keith into his arms. 

Keith laughed and let Lance move him around until he could comfortable hug him. Keith wrapped himself back around him, legs thrown over Lance’s, arms wrapped around his torso, tucked into Lance’s chest. Lance chuckled and tilted his head. “What?”

“You’re a koala,” he said with a hoarse, sleepy voice. Keith laughed, Lance could almost feel him rolling his eyes. He hugged Keith tighter for a moment. “My koala.” 

Keith hummed, a contented little musing. The statement wasn’t affirmed vocally, but Keith tangled their legs together further and his arms tightened around him. He kissed the tip of Lance’s nose softly, and that was all Lance needed. 

He listened to the sound of Keith’s breaths until they became slower, deeper, rhythmic. Even then, his hold didn’t loosen. His arms remained wrapped tightly around Lance, as though even subconsciously, Keith didn’t want him to go anywhere. Frankly, that was perfectly fine with Lance. There was nowhere else he wanted to be. 

A couple hours later, Lance felt Keith shaking him awake. He opened his eyes and grumbled at the soft morning light seeping through the curtain of his window. 

“I'm about to go,” Keith whispered. “I'll meet you at my place tonight okay?” Lance yawned and nodded, turning to lazily hug Keith around the waist. Keith laughed and knelt down to be face to face. “Did you sleep okay?” Lance nodded. He couldn't remember what he'd dreamt since he fell back asleep. “You know…. It was kind of weird not having you try to jump me in the shower.”

Lance opened one eye. “Try? Excuse me, I've succeeded each time.” Keith laughed harder and shrugged in response. “You gonna leave without giving me a kiss?” 

“Why do you think I woke you up, Sleeping Beauty?” 

Lance grumbled at the nickname. “Sleeping Beauty was woken up  _ with  _ a kiss, not _ for  _ one.” 

“If I did that, you still wouldn't wake up. Now do you want a kiss or not?” Lance nodded enthusiastically, which made Keith laugh as he leaned down. He tasted like toothpaste. His lips were soft. His hair fell around him and tickled Lance's face. 

Lance smiled as Keith pulled away, pale fingers lightly pushing Lance's hair back. “ _ Mi príncipe azul.”  _

Keith interlocked their hands so he could kiss the back of Lance's before getting up. “I'll text you when I'm home.” Lance nodded and watched him leave. 

He heard the front door shut and sighed into his pillow happily. He switched to lay on the pillow Keith had used. He loved that his bed smelled like him. Like that soft cologne he uses and the fruity gum he liked to chew. 

Surrounded by him, he fell asleep again until he had to get to class. 

The nightmare must have exhausted him more than he thought because he kept sleeping past his alarm. He barely made it to his first class that day. At least he'd woken up to a cute selfie of a very tired Keith after dance rehearsal. 

Lance felt like his head was everywhere. He was thinking about everything all at once and he was doing it to keep from thinking too hard about going to Keith's that night. He had no idea how to get Shiro to like him, and he was terrified of making a fool of himself. He didn't have much of a filter when he was nervous, so jokes and comments that would otherwise go to his mental recycling bin would end up spilling out and make him wish he could hide under a rock.

He was trying to ignore the anxiety between classes as he sat on a bench outside, enjoying the brisk weather and watching YouTube videos when someone sat next to him. The smell of a sharp, sugary perfume was familiar. He looked over from his phone and recognized the long blonde hair and grown out brown roots of a girl he'd become friends with that semester. 

“Hey, Nyma.” 

“Hey, Lancey. Where have you been, I've hardly seen you around campus.” 

That was true. Lance usually stowed away in the library to study by now because he knew he wouldn't get much done with Keith at home. By the time he was done with classes, he didn't hang around anymore, he went to get food and see Keith after his rehearsal. 

“Ah, sorry about that, Ny.” 

“You missed my birthday party Saturday. Pool party.” 

Lance frowned. “It's almost November.” 

“As if that makes a difference in Texas. I mean look at me.” She had a point. It was still pretty hot despite being in the last week of October and she had on a pair of shorts that looked like underwear made out of jeans with frayed ends and a thin tank top. She started pulling her hair up into a bun as she huffed. “Fall here means heat with a couple gusts of wind.” Lance chuckled. “So about my birthday?” 

“I'm sorry I missed it,” he said with a smile.

She smirked and Lance felt her sandaled foot sliding up his calf. “It's okay. You can come to my place and we'll have our own party. VIP.” 

Lance gulped and tried to move his legs away subtly. 

Nyma. Beautiful, confident, and a Lit major. But that was as far as Lance's attraction to her ever went. She was a very demanding person, and expected everyone to bend to her beck and call. Lance hadn't minded it when he was willing to bend because it meant getting laid, no strings attached when he was bored. And Nyma was cool about it, agreed that they could just have fun when one or the other needed it and they settled the agreement over pizza. 

“It's been a while, hasn't it?” she murmured. 

Lance tensed as her hand slid around the back of his neck. He suddenly understood why Keith said it felt controlling. But he had to be careful. The last thing he needed was an angry girl on his case.

“Actually, Ny, I think we should-” 

“Or we can play hookie and go now.” She laid her legs across his lap, and leaned in to kiss him, but Lance turned away, and she kissed his cheek leaving a smear of lipstick on his cheek. “Are you okay?” 

Shit. He could hear the ghost of aggression creeping into her voice. He'd been careful about girls. Made sure they all knew he wasn't looking for something serious, that they were in it for the fun just as much as he was, always made sure to leave them happy because a disdained girl could be dangerous. Dangerous in many ways. 

And frankly, Nyma was the kind of charismatic, pretty, influential girl that no one wanted to piss off. 

“Yeah, I'm fine,” he said. “I'm just… not really doing that anymore.” 

Lance nearly put his hands in his lap before he pulled them back and placed them awkwardly in his pockets. Nyma stared at him and then looked down at her legs, turning red and immediately pulling away. She tugged at the ends of her shorts as if she could pull them down. 

It was awkwardly quiet for a moment. “Like. In general or with me?” There was an edge to her voice that made Lance panic. 

“No, no, no, in general. It's just…. I mean, the thing is….” He sighed as she arched her eyebrow, and he could see the way embarrassment began to shift into anger in her eyes. “I met someone.” 

Shock. That gave him time. She blinked and scoffed. “What happened to ‘I don't want anything serious, I can't handle a relationship right now’?” 

“I mean we're not… really in a relationship… yet? Besides you said the same thing.”

Nyma rolled her eyes and moved her hair to fall over one shoulder. “Yeah, and I mean it, but… I don't know I guess I figured if we ever wanted a relationship it'd be… with each other.” Lance sighed. “Wait, not in a relationship? Then… then this is like what you always do. What, does this girl have some magic pussy-” 

“ _ Nyma!”  _ Lance screwed his eyes shut and shook his head.

He knew Nyma didn't like him that way. The reason she was pissed was that her booty call was no longer available and that she'd lost him in the first place. Because for some reason the prettiest girls saw everything as a competition, and when they lost, it was an insult. 

He took a breath. “It’s not like that. Look, I’m not rejecting you or anything, okay? I wasn’t expecting anything between us, and let’s be real, neither were you.” Nyma rolled her eyes and crossed her legs. “And I wasn’t expecting… to meet this person. It just sort of… happened? And it clicked? We’re not dating, but….” 

Nyma looked over at him with an analytical gaze. She looked him up and down and squinted as she looked him in the eyes. “Not a relationship, but emotionally invested. And committed it seems.” Lance nodded. Nyma sighed and stared at the pavement beneath their feet. “Alright. So who is this girl? Where’d you meet her? She pretty?” Lance looked at Nyma and saw a smile on her face. The anger in her eyes was gone. She seemed genuinely curious. 

Lance gulped and let out a shaky breath. 

Coming out- if it could even be called that- to Hunk and Pidge had been easy. They were his best friends, they loved him, in a way that was different from his family, and somehow that made it more stable. He had to do the same with Veronica soon. Maybe telling Nyma could be a step towards that. A test run, in a way. 

“Uh. His name’s Keith. I met him at a party.” 

The long stretch of silence felt even longer with the way his heart was pounding so quickly in his chest. He felt frozen. He didn’t want to look at her, and she wasn’t moving either, had she even heard him, did she understand what he meant- of course she did she wasn’t stupid, but then why wasn’t she talking, was she going to slap him or tell every single one of her friends, which Lance had not realized was a possibility until that very moment, and-

“You’re  _ gay?”  _ she shouted, finally. Lance jumped and waved his hands around frantically, trying to get her to lower her voice. “Lance!” 

“No! No, I’m not gay. I haven’t really thought of a label for it, I just…. I just know I really like him.” He felt like running away with the wide eyed look of… he didn't know what on Nyma's face. “Please say something.” 

Nyma turned away and opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Then finally, “So, you still like girls.” Lance nodded. “But you like this guy.” Another nod. “And you're not dating but you're not messing around with anyone else either.” Again, a nod. She let out a huff and seemed to slouch as she did. “Alright. Jesus, Lance, take a breath! I'm not gonna burn you at the stake or anything, jeez.” 

He hadn't even realized he was holding his breath. His heartbeat thudded through his skull as he took in a deep gulp of breath. “Sorry, I just. I thought you'd be mad or I don't know.” 

Nyma grunted, increasing her legs just to cross them the other way. “I mean, I'm a little frustrated our deal is off now, but I don't care that you like guys. Just, when you first said it I thought it meant… I don't know, that you lied to me or used me as a cover up?” She shook her head. “But you still like girls, so, it's whatever.” 

“Oh. Well. Cool. So… we're cool?” 

Nyma smiled and nudged him with her shoulder. “Yeah we're good. But you still owe me for missing my birthday. I want a large pizza deluxe.” Lance laughed and nodded. “So what's this guy look like? Got any pictures?”

Lance smiled and took out his phone. “He's kind of picky about photos, but I've snuck some in.” He handed his phone over after opening the gallery. 

She took it and leaned over the screen. Then she gasped and hit Lance's arm. “Holy shit, he's hot!” She swiped through, skipping pictures of food or Hunk and Pidge, stopping anytime she caught one of Keith. “How long have you known him?” 

“Um, I think about a month. But we started going on dates two weeks ago.” 

Nyma smirked and tilted the phone towards him. It was a picture of Keith laying down in Lance's bed, scrolling through his phone, wearing one of Lance's sweaters. “And since when does he stay at your place?” 

“Um. This week. He stayed over most of it.” 

Nyma laughed and shook her head. “But still not ready for a relationship.” Lance rolled his eyes. “No but seriously, the amount of candids here is getting concerning, you're like borderline stalker-” 

“Oh  _ shut up,”  _ he said, snatching his phone back, and she laughed loudly at his expense.

Nyma leaned back on her hands against the concrete bench and smiled widely at him. She rubbed her thumb against his cheek, wiping away the lipstick mark. “Sorry about… you know being all over you before. You're a pretty great guy, Lancey.” 

“It’s okay. And thank you. Let's hope Keith's brother thinks so,” he mumbled. “I'm meeting him officially today and I've been trying not to panic about it.” 

Nyma winced. “Yikes. Meeting siblings is hard. I met one of my old boyfriends’ sister, and she hated my guts.” Lance paled and put his face in his hands. “No, hey, I'm sure you'll be fine! It's different with girls, Lancey, don't freak out.”

He just groaned into his hands and slumped. Then his phone went off with an alarm, making him jump slightly. “Shit. I gotta get to class. I'll see you around, okay, Ny?” 

“Yeah, okay,” she answered. “I wanna meet this guy in person. Good luck today!” She waved as Lance grabbed his things and started walking toward his next class. 

It was hard to concentrate the closer it got to having to go home. Keith texted him sporadically through the day, either with reassurances that Shiro wasn't scary, or by trying to distract him with funny things he found online. 

Finally he was done with his last class, and able to go home. Although he'd had to make a u turn because he took the wrong exit and turn, already used to going to Keith's campus after his rehearsal. 

Once he was home, he tried to keep his hands from shaking too much as he got ready. He'd taken Pidge up and down the mall looking for something to wear. Usually Pidge tapped out and ditched them for the bookstore after half an hour, but this time she'd stayed with them. All three hours. Hunk, ever loyal, always stayed with him, but he usually just gave a thumbs up for everything he tried on. This time, he seemed almost as picky about the clothes as Lance. 

They knew this was important. And he knew it meant something to them too for Lance to care about someone so much. 

He looked at himself in the mirror. A royal blue, long sleeved, button up shirt, slightly wrinkled, with the sleeves rolled up which was formal enough to say he took this thing seriously, but not so fancy that it would seem out of place for a Friday night cookout. Dark washed out jeans, but no rips or frays like most of his pants were. And all black converse, well kept but still with that slight dark green tinge along the cloth from being used. 

He stared at his reflection, his hair messy in that boyband member way Lance would never admit out loud he liked. His eyes bright and nervous. Allura always said darker colors brought out his eyes. 

He waited for that pang of guilt to sweep over him, but it didn't come. Instead, he could remember her smiling face telling him he looked handsome before they went out to dance. He could imagine her saying it to him now. 

Lance took out his phone and took a picture of his reflection, sending it to his group chat with Hunk and Pidge. 

_ SomethingPoetic: Too much, not enough? Should I do my hair? Shirt tucked in or left out or half and half?? _

The responses came back in a series of insistent pings and vibrations. 

_ Slytherclaw: LANCE YOU ARE THE THIRD BOWL OF PORRIDGEEEEE!!!!! 👀👀 _

_ HunkyMonkey: Slayyyyyy youre gonna have Keith all over you my man 😍 _

_ Slytherclaw: GET _

_ YO  _

_ MAN _

_ GET  _

_ LAIDDDD🍆🍆🍑🍑 _

_ Preferably not at the cookout but you know  _

_ HunkyMonkey: I like the hair. Gives you a look that says you're chill, but it's well kept. Like one of those guy from one direction 👌🏽👌🏽 _

_ That's 👏🏽 my 👏🏽 fucking 👏🏽 best 👏🏽 friend👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 _

_ Slytherclaw: shirt out. Tucked in is too Meet the Parents, half and half is too douchey. _

_ Mine 👏🏻 too 👏🏻👏🏻 _

Lance laughed and felt his heart swell as he read the responses. 

_ SomethingPoetic: I love you guys 😭 wish me luck bc Shiro can probably kill me with one punch if he doesn't like me 🙄  _

_ HunkyMonkey: he's gonna love you just like we do, buddy. Just breathe and be yourself _

_ Slytherclaw: if he kills you I kill him. Hunk can help me hide the body. Or bust me outta jail. _

_ HunkyMonkey: Fine, just bc it's lance _

_ SomethingPoetic: I. LOVE. YOU. BOTH. _

_ Okay I gotta get going 🤞🏼 I'll keep you guys posted. _

He sent Keith a text telling him he was about to leave and grabbed a jacket and his keys. He sang along to the radio to calm himself as he drove over. When he got to the house, he took a deep breath and told himself he'd be fine.

When he got out of his car, he heard music coming from the backyard. Lance texted Keith that he was there, and a few moments later, the door to the fence beside the house opened. Keith was in a black shirt and dark jeans; it was unfair how effortless it was for Keith to look so good. 

A smile danced on his lips as his eyes trailed up and down Lance's body. Lance blushed and walked toward him. As soon as he was within reach, Keith hooked a finger into one of his belt loops and yanked him closer. “Damn, pretty boy.” The low near-purr of his voice sent shivers up Lance’s spine. Before he could think of something to say, Keith kissed him softly. 

He’d expected something more intense after the comment and the way he’d looked at him, and yet the soft kiss made his heart flutter and his nervousness settle. It was comforting. It was Keith telling he’d be okay. “

“Hey,” Keith said, looking into his eyes. “Don’t be nervous. This isn’t a big deal.”

“Yes it is. He’s your brother. And I know how much you care about him, I know what he thinks or doesn’t think is important to you.” 

Keith frowned and tilted Lance’s chin toward him. “Even if by some backwards miracle he doesn’t like you, I’m not going to stop seeing you. I’m an adult and Shiro knows that. This isn’t a formal meeting asking permission to be with me, it’s just a cookout for Shiro to know who I’m always with.” He kissed him again and gave him a gentle smile. “So please, relax, pretty boy.” 

Lance took a deep breath and nodded. Meanwhile, Keith slid his hand into Lance’s and led him to the backyard. It was strange seeing it in the daytime. There were no fold out tables covers in plastic cups and bottles of beer or liquor, there was no mess on the grass of dropped items or puke, no half-dressed bodies pressed up against each other, swaying to the music. 

It was just a clean backyard with grass that seemed a week past mowing day, and two trees on opposite sides, a small shed in the back corner, and a small concrete square near the sliding doors where Adam and Shiro were working on starting the grill. It felt like a bigger difference than it had with the front yard where they’d hosted the first party. 

Keith let out a whistle that made the other two turn around. Adam had a bright, friendly smile. Shiro smiled too, but Lance didn’t know him enough to know if it was sincere. Lance also noticed he was slightly overdressed. Shiro was in a t-shirt and black shorts that reached past his knee. Adam was in light blue jeans and a yellow flannel open over a white undershirt. 

“Uh, hi,” Lance said, resorting to his instincts and holding out his hand to shake theirs. Adam repressed an amused smile when Lance shook his hand, and Shiro raised an eyebrow at him when he shook his. It was something drilled into his head since he was a kid.  _ Siempre saluda cuanda llegas algun lado.  _ He could  _ hear  _ his mom’s voice proudly praising him for doing so well. Stupid habits. 

“Keith, could you bring the meat patties out here?” Shiro asked. Keith nodded and went inside, which made Lance panic. Was this when Shiro interrogated him? Threatened him? Shiro looked at him, and Lance braced himself. “How was your day today?” 

What. “Um, pretty good. Hard to concentrate today, but it was alright.” Adam gave him a confused look, and Lance explained. “I was nervous about coming here, so I was losing focus the later it got.” 

“Don't be nervous about Shiro. When he met my mom, he-” 

“Adam, we said we'd never talk about that!” Shiro hurried to say. Lance smiled at that. He knew a thing or two about embarrassing yourself in important circumstances. “Anyway, Lance. How do you like your burgers?” 

“Um. I usually put everything on them.” Shit, he was saying “um” way too much. 

“I meant cooked. Medium, well-done?” 

“Oh! Medium.” 

Shiro nodded. Then Adam tilted a beer bottle toward him. “Want one?” 

Lance nearly took it, more out of wanting to accept whatever they gave him, before pulling his hand back. “Oh. Actually, no I'm okay. I gotta drive back later.” Adam smiled and took the beer for himself.

Keith came back with a tray of meat patties and arched an eyebrow at Lance. “Lance, you can sit down,” he said with an endearing smile dancing on his lips.

His limbs felt like they were coiled tight as he plopped down on a chair. The force of it made the chair tip slightly, but Lance managed his balance. Adam was nice enough to pretend not to notice, and Shiro was looking away. Keith only rolled his eyes and allowed his smile to spread on his face. The way his nose scrunched made the embarrassment worth it. 

“You’re a senior too?” Adam asked Lance. 

“Uh, classified as one. Technically a junior.”

“What’s your major?” 

“English rhetoric and I’m getting a minor in education.” 

Adam perked up. “Education, really? I majored in education. Where are you from?” 

Beside him, Keith made a small grunting noise. Lance felt like he was being interviewed. Which was when it clicked. Shiro wasn’t the one who would be feeling him out; Adam was. With Adam asking, Lance wasn’t as anxious, but Shiro still got his answers. This fucking couple. 

“I’m Cuban, but my family’s about an hour out from here. I’ve been raised here most of my life.” 

He felt a hand slide into his own and squeeze lightly. “Do you need his social security information and class schedule too?” Keith asked Adam. “You said no overbearing questions.” 

“How was that overbearing?” Adam protested. “Remember all the things you asked and said to me when you first met me? You’re lucky I’m not being a dick to him.” He turned back to Lance. “Keith was a dick to me. Embarrassing questions, veiled threats, sarcastic comments.”

Lance laughed at that. “Sounds like Keith.” 

He heard a huff and then the sound of meat sizzling on the grill. When Lance looked over at Shiro, he was frowning at the food, and Lance wondered if he’d said something wrong. 

Nervously, he turned his attention back to Adam and tried to stay calm. “So… how long have you two been together?” Lance asked. 

“About four years. We also started dating in our senior-ish year of college,” Adam said. 

From the grill, Shiro added, “Don't say ‘dating’ it freaks Keith out.” From the corner of his eye, Lance saw Keith glare at his brother for a moment. A tense kind of silence settled over them. 

They'd never talked about an official term for their… dynamic. It was just like Nyma said- emotional investment. There was too much happening in the background for them and a label took on a certain pressure. Lance knew they acted like a couple. The dates, the kisses, the handholding, meeting friends and family, the sex, the spending the night, Lance taking him food after rehearsals. It was all very couple-y, and even Hunk and Pidge had questioned it. 

It was just easier unspoken. Easier without a label. At least at the moment. He wondered if Kith’s hesitance was similar to his, or something entirely different.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to make it awkward,” Adam said with an apologetic wince. 

“You didn’t,” Keith answered sharply, casting an angry look at Shiro. Lance felt himself shrink. He didn’t want to cause arguments between the two. Had he even caused that? His brain wouldn’t stop reeling. “I’m gonna change the music.” Keith got up, and Lance tensed even further. Then he felt his hand touch his shoulder gently before going to the speaker and the attached phone. 

“Lance, do you mind helping me refill the cooler? There’s a couple more soda and beer cartons inside.” Adam’s tone was friendly, but Lance could see the discomfort in his eyes. He knew going with Adam meant more than just grabbing sodas. Still, he nodded and got up to go inside with him. They made it to the kitchen before Adam spoke again. “Shiro would never ask it because Keith would give him the cold shoulder for a month, but… what exactly are you trying to get out of this thing you’ve got going with Keith?” 

It should’ve sounded threatening. It should’ve sounded like Adam expected no bullshit. Instead, he sounded genuinely curious, maybe even confused.

“I’m… not sure what you mean by getting something out of it.” 

Adam set some soda cartons on the counter and looked at Lance steadily. “What I’ve heard about you is that you met Keith at a party. Fooled around. Then started taking him on dates. According to what Shiro’s relayed to me- part of his hesitance- is that Keith’s-”

“The first guy I’ve ever been with,” Lance finished. He was tired of that being his greatest defect. It wasn’t his fault he’d only discovered this attraction to guys recently. And it wasn’t his fault that Keith had been the first to make that attraction grow into something stronger. Even with girls, he’d only seriously dated Allura.

“I don’t think it’d be a big deal if you guys weren’t tiptoeing around just saying it’s a relationship.” 

“We haven’t talk about it.” It was quiet for a moment, and Lance wondered if he was losing Adam’s favor too. “I like Keith. I like him a lot. I know this whole thing is moving fast and slow at the same time, but right now that’s working. I don’t plan on going anywhere, if that’s what you’re asking. I don’t plan on being another Roland and denying ever liking him. But we’re still figuring each other out. I know Shiro doesn’t like me-”

Adam laughed and shook his head. “He doesn’t  _ not  _ like you, Lance. He wants to like you. He was a big factor in encouraging Keith to open up to you. But he’s Keith’s big brother.” Adam leaned back against the counter. “I know how much they both went through to create the bond they have now. And since you mentioned Roland, I assume you know all the things he put Keith through. It tore Shiro apart to see his brother so messed up over someone. If he’s hesitant, it’s just because he wants to be sure Keith is going to be okay.” 

It made sense. And Lance understood it. Veronica was older than him, but he had always been protective of her. The one time he let his guard down too quickly… well, it still made Lance’s stomach churn with an anger so intense it dizzied him just thinking about it. He knew Shiro had a right and a reason to be wary of him. 

“I just want to be able to prove I’m being serious about being with Keith. And I don’t want them getting into fights over all of this.” 

Adam laughed again and handed Lance a couple soda cartons to take outside. “Oh, don’t worry about that. They fought a lot when he introduced me to Keith too. It’s just because they’re so protective of the other when the other doesn’t want them to be.” 

Once Adam grabbed his own cartons, he gestured toward the door. As if just like that Lance would be able to take it easy and stay calm. Despite the reassurances from Adam, Lance was still unsure. He knew it wasn't easy to break through that protective instinct, especially when someone had been hurt before. 

When they got back outside, Keith seemed to have been in the middle of a tense conversation with Shiro by the grill anyway. His violet eyes flickered over and seemed to try and gauge whether Adam taking Lance for so long had been a good or bad thing. Lance wasn't sure what his verdict was, but Keith went back over to him as he dumped the sodas into the cooler. 

“You okay?” Keith asked. Lance nodded. Keith's eyes flirted to Adam and he lowered his voice. “I'm sorry about Shiro. I feel like we should talk now, but-” 

“About the dating thing?” Adam seemed to take that as his cue to walk back to his chair with a beer. 

Lance looked at Keith and the uneasy expression on his face. It was a look that could easily be mistaken as anger, but at some point, Lance had gotten to know him well enough to differentiate between his expressions. Despite typically crossing his arms and clenching his jaw, his anger was usually notable with a flare in his nose and a point of fixation for a cold glare. When he was anxious, his eyes jumped around and he kept chewing the inside of his cheek. 

“We can talk about it if you want to later,” Lance said gently, putting a hand on his arm. He lowered his voice, grateful that the music was loud enough for Shiro not to hear him despite being about five feet away. “Right now my panic is from getting Shiro to like me and having no clue how to do that.” 

“He's just giving you a hard time because I have Adam a hard time. I mean I was 17, come on. I just… I don't want his comment to have made you felt like… like I don't… want. This?” Lance could see the impatient frustration seeping into Keith's shoulders. 

It made Lance smile a bit to know how worried Keith was about him too. How stressed this also made him despite the calm demeanor earlier. He leaned forward and kissed him lightly, reassuringly. “I know, my moody little koala.”

Keith scrunched his nose. “Oh god. Tell me that nickname isn't sticking.” 

“It is now.” Keith groaned, and Lance laughed at him, relaxing with the way Keith leaned into him. “You and Shiro good?” 

“Yeah. He says he was joking, but I told him to play nice anyway.” Keith shrugged, finding Lance's hand with his own. “C'mon, let's sit back down.” 

He used the pressure and warmth of Keith’s hand in his own as an anchor. A few moments later of the only sound coming from the burgers cooking and the music beating through the speaker, Shiro held out two bags of chips. “Want some?” he asked Lance. It felt like a sort of peace offering. Lance smiled and took the Hot Cheetos. “So what made you want to minor in education?”

“A variety of things, actually. I had some good teachers that showed me what it meant to make a difference, but I also had some bad ones that made me wish there were more who actually liked what they did and cared about students. I was always a handful in school. I talked too much, I joked too much, I got distracted easily. I was smart, but I could really annoy the teachers, and because of that some of them just branded me as dumb. I don’t want other kids to go through that. Plus, since I’ve been there, I think I could do a better job at keeping their attention or understanding why they might act that way, you know?” 

Adam chuckled and nodded. “Troublesome in school. Sounds like someone else I know.” 

Lance looked over at Keith, but Keith scoffed. “Uh, I was quiet and got my work done. It wasn’t until high school that I skipped some class, but I fixed that. He’s not talking about me.” 

Confused, Lance looked at Adam who was smirking at Shiro. Shiro rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “Yeah, I was a handful too. I liked joking and pranks. I liked making the teachers talk themselves in circles. I was always getting written up for it.” 

“No way,” Lance said in disbelief. He couldn’t see this man, tall, buff, serious, reserved… being a goofball in school. 

“Dude, Shiro got voted class clown in his high school yearbook,” Keith said, stuffing chips in his mouth. 

“Really? Me too!” Lance leaned forward, sitting on the edge of his seat. “But like, teachers have this weird assumption that like… because you can’t sit still or stay quiet or if you joke too much, then you’re automatically dumb, or at least dumber than everyone else in the class, even if your grades are good. You become the problem child.” 

Shiro nodded. “Yeah, I’ve had teachers that saw it that way. But I also had some who didn’t.” 

“Right! So, the ones who see it that way- at least for me- have really lasting, bad effects on a student’s self image, and honestly it can make the student feel like they  _ are  _ dumb. Then the ones who see past it are the ones that help break that mindset. It wasn’t until high school that I had a teacher like that. And that’s why I want to be one too.” He laughed a little at himself, at how excited he got and how much he’d rambled. But the three of them didn’t seem to mind. “Does that… make sense?” 

“You want to make a difference. You want to be a positive force in students’ lives,” Adam said. Lance nodded. “That’s one of, if not the best, reasons to become a teacher, Lance.” 

“Plus you can do something with it, unlike Keith’s philosophy minor,” Shiro said with a teasing smile directed at Keith. Keith responded by sticking his middle finger up. 

Lance had to admit, it was interesting seeing this side of Shiro. His relationship with Keith kind of reminded Lance of his own with Luis or even Pidge. The constant teasing and poking, the insults that hid affection, the way they both managed to say something to make the other feel awkward.

He could almost forget they were adults with the way they acted. Adam seemed unfazed, rolling his eyes and smiling in response to the comments they made. He gave Lance reassuring looks to let him know it was all perfectly normal. 

In fact, though it was strange seeing this new side to both of them, it was also a relief. Somehow, it humanized Shiro. Plus, Shiro was pretty funny, and Lance knew he was gaining a couple brownie points when he laughed at something he said, even if got him a nudge or a glare from Keith. 

By the time they were stuffing their faces with incredibly tasty burgers- Lance’s had everything on it, including the chips he was eating- he felt much more at ease around Shiro. Lance actually felt that if Shiro had been in school with him, they might have been good friends and wreaked havoc among all their classes until their teachers went insane. 

“Who the hell eats  _ Honey Bunches of Oats  _ when they’re five?” Shiro said with a mouthful of food. 

“Uh, me!” Lance responded indignantly. “Look, I spent a lot of time with my  _ abuelita _ , and she raised me on those kind of cereals.  _ Mini-Wheats, Whole Grain Cheerios.  _ I actually really learned to like them. Then the sugary ones became like… special occasion cereals. I still love my honey bunches.” 

“The cereal, or is that a pet name for Keith?” Adam asked. 

Both Lance and Keith started coughing, choking on whatever they had in their mouth. Keith tried to calm down by drinking from his beer, but it only made it worse, and Lance was trying to stifle his coughs. Meanwhile Adam and Shiro were doubled over in laughter, Shiro giving his boyfriend a proud high-five. 

“Oh my  _ God,  _ I hate you both,” Keith finally said hoarsely, his head in his hands. 

“Had to get my payback somehow,” Adam said, smirking. “Not my fault Lance set it up so well.” 

“Need- soda,” Lance choked out. Shiro laughed more and handed one to him.

Thankfully, they didn’t seem to be expecting an actual answer. Love was a topic Lance wasn’t planning on touching on anytime soon, if he was honest. But while Shiro and Adam were able to brush it off and move on to something about a new song, Lance could feel the awkward tension between Keith and himself. 

He wasn’t sure if it was because Keith wanted an answer or if it was because he didn’t. They hadn’t even talked about dating, much less what… exactly they felt for each other. Lance had no problem telling Keith how much he liked him. And he knew Keith liked him back.

He knew it because of the way Keith had let him in. He knew it in the way Keith smiled at him and asked him questions and introduced him to Shiro and…. There was still so much that wasn’t certain. Surely if they hadn’t even talked about dating, they weren’t going to talk about…  _ love.  _ But would that be taken as an insult by Keith? Should Lance take it as an insult himself if Keith agreed? 

He knew Mama would say every relationship was meant to grow. If it wasn’t growing, it wasn’t benefitting anyone. To her, there was no point in being in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere.

When Lance and his siblings dated, his mother had made it very clear- never bring them home unless you truly saw the relationship growing into a marriage. They could meet her, they could come to a party in the front yard, but never come inside the house as “The Girlfriend” or “The Boyfriend” if they weren’t planning on becoming “Forever.” It was all very intense and extreme to Lance. 

At least until he started dating Allura. She’d known his family well before they started dating. And after a couple years, Lance was certain she was his Forever. She would be the one to come inside the house because she was the one Lance knew in his heart he would marry. She had come into the house as “The Girlfriend.” Not for a party, not meeting for a Starbucks coffee with his mom, not to use the bathroom. Allura had entered the house as Lance’s “Forever.” 

His Mama knew he meant it the second Lance asked if he could bring her. She had smiled and nodded and kissed his cheek.

How was Lance supposed to know forever would get cut short? 

It left Lance asking himself if he could see this growing. If he could see himself dating Keith one day. If he could see himself introducing him to his parents at a coffeeshop or a party one day. If he could possibly one day fall in love with Keith. 

If he was honest, he wasn’t entirely sure at that moment. But he knew he wanted to see that. What they had was still new, still different, and Lance wanted to take his time. Wanted to see where this went, wanted to see the day he would look at Keith and think,  _ yeah, I can see my future with you.  _

“Adam, can I speak with you?” Keith managed to spit through his teeth, bringing Lance back to reality. He didn’t wait for a response before he was hauling Adam away. 

The tension thickened exponentially. 

“You know, Keith never brought anyone else to meet us,” Shiro said, his eyes on what was left of his burger. “Not even Roland. So you must be special.” His eyes finally shifted to meet Lance’s. “In case that’s what made you panic just now.” 

“Oh. Uh. No, not… that. But thank you.” Shiro raised an eyebrow. “I know we’re in a weird spot right now. At least to other people. But that’s working right now, and… when Adam said…  _ that,  _ I mean I know he was kidding but-”

“You love Keith?” Shiro asked, suspicion dripping in every word. 

“N-no! No, I…. I don’t, but I don’t want that to seem like a bad thing either. And it’s just showing me how much we still have to talk about, but things have been good without talking about them, and I’m scared things will get ruined if we do.” He ran a hand through his hair and looked at Shiro, feeling panic seize his heart with the analytical gaze he was being given. “I like Keith. A lot. And I know he’s gone through shit, I know Roland was an asshole, I know he might still find it hard to believe I’m sticking around, I know it’s weird that he’s the first guy I’ve felt this much for, I  _ know.  _ But… I really do like him. I know what it’s like to be suspicious, Shiro, I know what it’s like to find out later you should’ve never let your guard down. I won’t blame you if you never really like me or if you never fully trust me. I don’t know how this is gonna turn out. I just know I want it to be a good thing. Right now though, I don’t have all the answers.” 

Shiro stayed quiet for a moment. A very long moment. Lance half expected Keith and Adam to get back, but Keith was still sniping at him near the gate, the bickering covered by the music. 

Then Shiro said, “Keith hates pictures.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows and looked at him. Shiro just nodded and shrugged. “Always has. He never let my parents take his picture. He barely allowed one the day he graduated high school. He only sometimes takes a selfie, and it’s usually if it’s been a really good day or if he’s drunk. I have a total of ten pictures with him over the years.” 

Lance didn’t know what to say. It was such a random fact. Lance had finally blurted out all of his thoughts to him, and Shiro was… responding by talking about pictures. 

“When you guys came back from the carnival and I heard him asking about some pictures…. I couldn’t really believe it. Then you guys left and… I looked in his room. And there they were. Pictures with you. And he was smiling and laughing and….” Shiro scoffed and smiled. “You make him happy, Lance. I’ve noticed that much since you guys became a thing, whatever you want to call it. Keith’s gotten swept up in his own emotions before, but he’s never gone to these lengths. I don’t know if his wariness helped him out this time around, or if you’re just that good at getting through to him, but I know that this is the happiest I’ve seen Keith with someone. Even if he’s still careful about it. I also think you’ll find you’re similar to him in how slow you want to take this whole thing.” Shiro glanced over where Keith and Adam were walking by, still mumbling to each other. His voice lowered. “If it’s any consolation, I do like you. But like you said, I might still be wary of you.” 

Lance scoffed and smiled nervously. It was… more than he had expected, really. Keith sat back down, still not looking at Lance. Adam continued eating his burger. Shiro seemed to be trying to gauge both of them. 

Lance had no idea what Keith was thinking at that moment. He didn’t know what he’d told Adam or if there was something he wanted to hear from Lance. He did know that Keith seemed anxious with the way his shoulders hunched up and his body seemed to be trying to shrink into itself. He had that brooding expression, but Lance could see the nervousness gnawing at him in the way his eyes refused to settle on one thing. 

While Shiro tried to steer the conversation back to something normal, Lance took Keith’s hand in his own and held it tightly. The touch startled Keith at first, but with the certainty of Lance’s grasp, Keith finally looked at him. Fear swam in his eyes, and Lance could see it dissipating as a smile slowly began to tug at his lips. Slowly, his body relaxed. 

The rest of the night felt much more comfortable, and Lance knew a lot of that was thanks to Shiro talking to him. Although it seemed Keith was still upset with Adam, talking to Shiro was easier. Lance wasn’t trying to pat himself on the back, but the conversation was very much driven by Shiro and himself, and he knew that made Keith a little happy if the way he kept smiling softly at him said anything. 

Once it got darker, they cleaned up and all moved inside to watch a movie. It was a relief for Lance because movie watching was a relaxing thing, and it also gave him an excuse to cuddle up beside Keith on the couch. Keith took to running a hand through his hair and it gave Lance a wonderful, peaceful feeling in his chest. 

Shiro was with Adam on the floor, his head in Adam’s lap. They were very different when it came to watching movies. Shiro kept making snide comments, making even serious moments funny, and Adam kept trying to guess what would happen next. Keith resorted to throwing popcorn at them to shut them up more than a few times, but the way he laughed at their jokes and comments encouraged them more than the popcorn deterred them. 

The good thing was, even when Keith went to the bathroom and left Lance alone with Shiro and Adam again, he hadn't felt the tension and awkwardness he had when he first arrived. 

Lance decided to go home once the movie ended, and after a much more comfortable goodbye to Shiro and Adam, Keith walked him out. 

They stalled by his car door, quiet, smiling, nervous. Keith slowly took his hand and raised it to his lips. “Thanks for coming tonight. I'm glad you and Shiro got along. And I'm sorry for all the horribly awkward moments.” 

“Ah, what's a proper meeting-the-family moment if there's no horrible awkwardness?” Keith chuckled. “Not coming home with me tonight?” Lance asked softly. 

Keith's eyes flickered back to him. He smiled and shook his head. “Not tonight, I want to see what Shiro says once you’re out of the room.” Lance gulped, making Keith laugh. “But I’ll be there tomorrow, yeah?” 

Lance pretended to pout, ducking his head and jutting out his lower lip. “Mm. Okay.” Keith laughed again and leaned in to kiss him. “I had fun, by the way. Even during the awkward moments.” The adorable smile on Keith’s face made Lance’s heart stutter. He surged forward and kissed him again, overwhelmed with a sudden flurry of affection for him and the scrunch of his nose and the crinkles at the side of his eyes and his soft lips and the soft little gasp of surprise. 

“What was that for?” Keith asked, looking dazed and flustered. 

Lance pressed his forehead against Keith’s. “I just really fucking like you.” 

“Oh,” he answered softly. 

Lance chuckled at the speechless response and hugged him, resting his chin on Keith’s shoulder. “You should get inside; it’s getting cold.” 

“I can’t feel it.” The response should not have reduced Lance to a blushing mess, but it did, and all he could do was hide his face in the crook of Keith’s neck as he tightened his hold on him. Keith let out a breathy chuckle, his hand running through Lance’s hair. “Let me know when you get home, okay?” Lance nodded. Keith pulled back and cupped his face gently to kiss him. “Go,” he said with a smirk. 

“You make it so damn hard.” Keith winked and stepped back, keeping his hand in Lance’s until they were too far apart and their hands dropped to their sides. “You’ll tell me if he says anything bad about me, right?” Lance called after him. Keith only laughed and waved teasingly as he opened the door and ducked inside again. 

With a happy sigh, Lance got into his car and started driving back. Almost as soon as he got home, he sent Hunk and Pidge a series of messages relaying the day’s events. Despite explaining the panic and awkwardness when dating and love was brought up, however much of a joke it was, Pidge and Hunk latched to it and began to plan his wedding. Pidge sent various parody vows and Hunk sent ridiculous wedding cakes. Somewhere around the debate of who got to be Lance’s best man, he fell asleep. 

Though he felt oddly cold. 


	11. Addiction

There was absolutely no reason to feel guilty. There were no doubts, no unresolved emotions, no… no reason to feel guilty about helping someone. 

The calls had come during the movie, silenced the first two times. The third made something uncomfortable lurch in Keith’s stomach and he’d answered with an excuse of going to the bathroom. 

The voice on the other end…. It didn’t sound okay. Maybe it was all bullshit, and maybe it was some kind of ploy, but Keith could wager that  _ after  _ doing his part as a decent human being. 

A knock on his window made him jolt. He double checked that his door was locked, then went to the window to open it. He could see Roland’s silhouette, but he wasn’t stepping closer. “You gonna stay out there or let me look at you?” he asked, still wary, but very concerned. 

Keith wasn’t stupid. He knew it was suspicious that Roland suddenly wanted his help, wanted to talk after Lance came into the picture. But surely no one could fake such a broken voice like the one he’d heard on the phone. 

A moment later, Roland stepped toward the window. The sight made Keith’s stomach churn with a mix of disgust and horror. 

His left eye was a dark, near-black purple, swollen shut. The welt reached his cheek, making his entire face asymmetrical. He had a cut that went from the side of his nose down to where his upper lip met his lower, that whole part of his mouth crusted with blood. Bruises and scrapes littered the rest of his face. It took Keith a moment to realize his clothes were crumpled and torn. 

“What the hell happened to you?” Keith asked. 

“You said you wouldn’t ask questions.” 

Keith clenched his jaw and looked him up and down. “Considering you’re asking to stay the night here and you get here looking like you got mobbed by a fucking gang  _ and  _ I’m your dance captain, I think I reserve the right to ask.” 

Roland scoffed and paced back and forth, his eyes constantly flitting to the side. “Look, I just need to stay tonight. My paycheck will come through tomorrow, and I’ll get a hotel and stay out of your hair, okay? I don’t have anywhere else to go right now.” Keith stared him down and Roland got closer, his voice dropping. The one open eye full of fear. “You told me you don’t hate me, Keith. Please.” 

Keith let out an exhausted sigh. He knew Roland had plenty of friends. He had a girlfriend. Keith knew he had a strained relationship with his stepfather and mother, knew his dad was entirely out of the picture. Part of him connected the bruises to the faceless asshole Keith had only heard complaints about. But it left the question- why didn’t Roland go to literally anyone else?

“Fine. But be quiet. If Shiro hears you, I can’t promise he won’t make this worse. I might not hate you, but he sure fucking does.” Roland nodded, not even miffed by the comment. With Keith’s help, he slowly made his way in through the window. Keith noticed a few more bruises, but he kept his mouth shut. “Stay here. We’ve got a first aid kit in the bathroom. Don’t make any noise.” 

Roland nodded, and Keith left the room. He could hear Shiro and Adam in the living room, deciding on what to watch next. He went into the bathroom, keeping his steps normal. If he tried to stay quiet, Shiro would catch on. If he overdid the steps, Shiro would get suspicious. 

He grabbed the first-aid kit and stuffed everything he needed into his pocket, just in case one of them happened to be passing by when he walked back to his room. He flushed the toilet, and walked out, starting down the hall. 

“Did you wash your hands?” he heard Shiro shout from the living room. 

“Nope!” he called back. He didn’t hear the next response. He went back into his room, locking it again. When he turned around, he was surprised to see Roland sitting on the floor near the window. “Why did you sit on the bed?” 

Roland looked at him with his one disbelieving eye. “I was sitting outside your window for a while, I’ve got dirt and blood on me. Didn’t think you’d appreciate that on your sheets.” Keith hummed and knelt down next to him, pulling out everything from his pocket. 

Ointment, band-aids, disinfecting wipes, cotton pads. “I’ll lend you something to sleep in. You can take the bed.”

Roland looked like he was about to protest, but then he sighed and nodded. “Thank you.” Keith grabbed one of the disinfectant wipes and tore it open, setting to work. Roland winced, but otherwise didn’t fidget. His gaze moved about the room. “What’s with the giant Stitch doll?” he asked. 

“Lance won it for me at a carnival.” 

Roland hummed. Then after a while, he asked, “Is that where the pictures are from too?” Keith glanced over and saw the strip of photo booth pictures taped up to his wall. He smiled and nodded. “You said he was over today, right?” 

“Yep. He met Adam and Shiro formally.” Keith finished wiping the blood off and grabbed the ointment. 

“Wow. Big step.” Keith didn’t answer. “Can I ask how it went?” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “It went well. Some awkward moments, but it was good. They like him.” 

Roland nodded, closing his eye as Keith gently smeared the ointment on his swollen one. It made Keith wince with how fragile and rubbery it felt. He was certain Roland was in pain, but he only clenched his jaw and breathed steadily as Keith finished up. The only band-aid he could put to use was a small one over the cut above his lip. Then he taped the cotton pad over his eye to keep it from getting irritated. 

“Thanks,” Roland said. “For… making me a pirate.” 

Keith had to laugh at that. Roland finally smiled and it soothed Keith’s anxiety about the whole thing. The injuries seemed so horrible, there was part of Keith that wasn’t sure he’d smile again for a while. But it was also weird because he hadn’t smiled at Roland much less laughed with him in a long time. 

“Um, let me get you something to change into. I can bring a soda and some chips if you’re hungry.” 

After a moment of hesitation, Roland nodded and stood up. Keith walked to his dresser and pulled out a shirt and a pair of shorts for him. Then he left the room again and went into the kitchen to grab what little food he could sneak into his room. 

As he grabbed stuff from the kitchen, his phone buzzed. 

_ Ya llegue and missing my koala ❤️ sleep tight _

Keith smiled at his phone and responded a quick good night text. It was unfair how easily Lance made butterflies burst in his stomach. Like he was some fifteen year old with a crush. He couldn’t deny what a wonderful feeling it was though. 

At the sound of the chips and the fridge shutting, Keith heard Shiro call, “Are you eating again?” 

“I’m hungry,” he answered, stopping in front of the living room with a bag of chips, dip, and a soda in his hand. “What are you guys watching?” 

“Marvel movies, wanna join?” 

Keith hummed and shook his head. “I’m kind of tired. See you guys in the morning.” 

They both called a goodnight as he went to his room. He opened the door hesitantly, not wanting to walk in on a half naked Roland. But he’d given him enough time, and honestly, it was nothing Keith hadn’t seen before. If by chance he was still changing, Keith just wouldn’t look. Besides, Shiro would be wondering why he knocked on his own bedroom door. 

Thankfully, Roland was fully dressed, sitting on the bed, staring at the floor. His head snapped up when Keith came in. Keith tossed him the chips. “Don’t make a mess on my bed.” 

Roland opened his mouth before chuckling and shutting it. “Okay. Thanks.” Once he started eating, Keith pulled out some spare blankets to lay out on the floor. Then Roland asked, “Does your boyfriend know I’m here?” 

“He’s not-” Keith sighed, deciding that he didn’t want to deal with questions and have to explain himself to yet another person, much less Roland. “No. He’s asleep.” No reason to feel guilty. “So why didn’t you go to your girlfriend’s? Or one of your other friends’ places?” 

“I don’t…. They’d ask questions. I don’t want to answer them.” Keith huffed and grabbed one of his Stitch for a pillow. “Naturally, my only other option was the ex that hated me until recently.” 

Keith shot him a glare.  _ You said we were never dating.  _ “You’re treading on thin ice, Roland,” he muttered. 

He blushed and lowered his gaze. “Sorry.” 

Without answering, Keith laid down and stared at his ceiling. It felt weird having Roland in his room again. The only times that happened in the past were the times Roland was with him for a fuck, sneaking over in the dead of night. Now, everything was different. 

Now, Keith had Lance. And unlike a few months prior, seeing Roland, or being near him didn’t make him self-conscious and nervous. Now he had no idea what was going through Roland’s head. This time, Roland wasn’t there with the intent he had before. The memories made Keith’s skin crawl, and he fought the urge to scratch himself clean of them. 

His eyes unconsciously drifted to Roland, only to find Roland was already looking at him, chewing slowly. “What are you thinking?” he asked. “Your face looks all… pensive.” 

Keith rolled his eyes. “It’s called a resting bitch face. Hurry and finish so I can turn off the light and sleep.” 

It was silent, so Keith started scrolling through his phone to ignore the awkwardness of it. 

He didn't  _ have  _ to tell Lance. Nothing was happening, it was an emergency, and it wasn't important. Besides, as he'd had to explain several times already, they weren't even dating. Even if they were, wasn't Keith entitled to some level of privacy? 

Thinking through it just made Keith wonder why he didn't want to tell Lance. He knew he didn't like Roland anymore. And he knew that if Roland tried something in the middle of the night, Keith could easily fight him off, especially in the state he was in, or furthermore, if he for some reason couldn't, Shiro was a door away. He wasn't in danger, and he wasn't doing anything bad. 

He just didn't want to tell Lance for some reason…. 

Okay, so maybe he did have reasons. Maybe he didn't want Lance thinking he still liked Roland. Maybe he didn't want Lance to get upset with him for helping. Maybe he didn't want to feel stupid and naive for being nice to someone who had hurt him. Maybe he didn't want to have a fight with Lance because it would be their first real fight and what if that jinxed everything and marked the start of a downhill slope?

So no, he didn't want to tell Lance. It was only one night anyway. They weren't even sharing the bed. If Shiro hadn't hated him so much, he'd have sent him to the couch even. It was fine. His brain had to stop over thinking. 

“Um. I'm done.” 

Keith looked over and nodded. “Leave the chips on the desk. If you finished the dip just throw it away.” 

Roland nodded and got up to do what Keith said. Then the lights turned off. Keith unconsciously tensed during that strange moment it took his eyes to get accustomed to the change in lighting. He relaxed when he heard the shuffle of bed sheets. 

“Keith?” It was a soft whisper, but it startled Keith all the same. “You know how… I didn't let you ask me questions after… everything?” 

It was a memory had shoved in the back of his mind. But of course he remembered. Remembered how pathetic he felt when he trailed after Roland, near tears and confused, mumbling half questions until Roland shoved him away and gave him the dirtiest look Keith had ever received from anyone. 

“You're making it really hard to be nice to you.” 

“I'm sorry, I just…. You didn't have to do this. And if you wanted answers…. I'll answer them. I owe you that much.” 

Answers. To things like why the sudden change? Why make Keith feel like he was playing with his mind when it had been Roland who initiated everything? Why deny everything they had been? Why leave, why lie? 

God, Keith wanted answers. At least he'd wanted them then. 

Now, the answers didn't seem to matter. So why ask for them? He shifted, turning his back to the bed and holding onto his Stitch tighter. 

“Don't worry about it. I'm over it. Goodnight.” 

There was no response to that. Neither of them moved. All Keith could hear were measured breaths and the faint hum of whatever movie Shiro and Adam were watching. After what felt like an eternity, Keith figured Roland fell asleep. 

But then he heard him again, his voice softer than a whisper, still shattering the silence. “Keith?” Keith sighed and hummed. “This might not mean anything from me, but I’m glad someone’s doing things right with you.” 

Keith stared at the faint shadows of his wall in the dark. That only brought on a whole slew of new questions. Instead of asking, Keith just answered, “Yeah. Me too.” 

He struggled to fall asleep for a while, a result of the tension he felt being near Roland and the nervousness of the slight possibility of Shiro wanting to come into his room,  _ and  _ the internal debate in his head about telling Lance. When he did manage to sleep, he kept waking up due to some part of his conscious seeping into his unconscious each time he felt he was finally getting some decent sleep. 

By the time the sun shone through his window, he felt like he hadn’t slept at all. It wasn’t long before Roland started groaning as he woke up. He woke up with the slightest amount of light, and had always hated the way the sun streamed into Keith’s room. At that moment Keith had no sympathy, though. Shiro would be up soon and if Keith wasn’t out there joining him for breakfast he’d come check on him because Keith was always up early. 

As Keith folded up his blankets, Roland slowly roused himself, wincing at the sunlight and then at the injuries on his face. 

“Still a fucking early riser,” he grumbled with a raspy voice, watching Keith move around the room. “It’s a Saturday.” 

Oh how Keith knew it. Weekends had started to become his favorite days because he got a chance to wake up way before Lance and watch him sleep. At that moment, Keith should have been waking up to Lance with his hair up in tufts, a line of drool down one cheek, smiling at the way he curled into Keith because he was always cold in the mornings. He should have been running a hand through ridiculously soft, brown hair, pressing soft kisses to warm brown skin- not enough to wake him, but just make him hum in his sleep. 

Instead, he was here, sleep-deprived and anxious. “Are you leaving now or later? I need to get breakfast, but I can’t bring you anything without Shiro or Adam probably seeing me. Where are you planning on going anyway? Did you park down the street or in my driveway because-”

“Dude!” Roland sat up, hands on his head. “I walked here. I couldn’t bring my car. I’ll just walk to the nearest hotel.” 

Walked. Keith knew Roland’s house was about a five minute drive from his own. Walking, that was anywhere between 20 to 40 minutes depending on how fast you walked. The nearest hotel was about 20 minutes out by car. There was no way Keith would have felt comfortable letting him walk that, especially in his current state. 

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “Look, just stay in here. Go back to sleep if you want, but you’re not walking to a hotel.” Keith took a breath and nodded. “I’ll see if I can bring you something to eat. Just stay quiet. And don’t touch anything.” 

Roland nodded, sinking back into the sheets. Keith left the room, and tried to tell himself to act normal. He went to the kitchen and put some waffles in the toaster. Just as they popped out, he heard Shiro’s door open as he shuffled into the bathroom. Another set of steps came into the kitchen. 

“Morning, Keith.” Keith nodded at Adam. “You’re not still mad at me are you?” 

“Huh?” 

“About the honey bunches thing.” 

Keith scoffed and rolled his eyes. “It’s whatever. I just didn’t sleep much, so I feel slow.” 

Adam hummed as he grabbed some cereal. Shiro came in shortly after and microwaved one of those frozen breakfast sandwiches that Keith hated the smell of. Maybe it was his paranoia, but it seemed too quiet. Like they were watching him, waiting on him to slip. Part of him felt like he was going to burst and he considered just telling them that Roland was in his room. 

Oh, but that sounded so bad, and he knew Shiro would lose it faster than Keith could explain. 

“Okay, why aren’t you asking us anything?” Shiro asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. 

“What?” 

Shiro pointed at his plate. Keith was surprised to see his waffles were now gone, and he hadn’t even realized he ate them. “You’ve finished eating and you haven’t asked us what we think of Lance at all. Aside from snap at us for a couple jokes during his visit, you haven’t… brought it up.” 

Keith bit his lip and shrugged. “I figured you guys liked him. You talked and laughed with him a bunch. Plus, even if you didn’t, I still do. So… I dunno.” But they had good points. Had it not been for Roland’s call during the movie and the fact that as soon as Lance left, Keith had been preoccupied with helping and hiding Roland, he hadn’t actually let himself wonder or react to the fact that Shiro now officially knew Lance. He looked at Shiro and arched an eyebrow. “But… what  _ did  _ you think of him?” 

Shiro smirked and shrugged. “I mean if you don’t care-”

“Shiro!” 

Adam and Shiro laughed at his expense. “He seemed pretty cool,” Shiro said. He looked at Keith and his expression softened. Keith could almost see the shift going from teasing, asshat brother to serious, protective older brother. “I think you’re both good for each other right now. He obviously really likes you, and… you’re happy with him. I can see why you always want to be with him.” 

“He’s also a nervous wreck and it’s adorable,” Adam said. “He seemed to really care about what Shiro thought of him. But not to the point of pretending to be something he’s not.” 

“However-” Keith groaned internally. It was too good to be true. He clenched his jaw as Shiro spoke. “I do think it was also obvious you both have a lot to talk about. It’s weird because you guys are somehow taking it slow but also really fast. I think it would help you both to clear up some things.”

“And we’re also sorry if we made jokes that made you both uncomfortable. We didn’t mean to, but like Shiro said, it showed you guys had some stuff to discuss,” Adam added. “I don’t know if my opinion matters much since I’m not Shiro, but I really liked Lance. I hope we get to hang out with him more often. He’s funny.” Keith chuckled and nodded. 

Shiro drummed his fingers on the table and seemed to consider his next words. When he spoke, he was hesitant. “Do you think you’d want Mom and Dad to meet him too? Or your mom?” 

The question made Keith freeze. Shiro was by far the person he was closest to in the family. But his parents were important too. His foster parents had put up with so much of his attitude when he first came to live with them, and he knew they loved him. Even without an official adoption, to them, Keith was their son. And his mom… she had worked so hard to be able to come back into his life. She knew he liked guys, but she never knew about the guys Keith got involved with. It was somehow more nerve wracking to introduce Lance to them than to Shiro because…. He wasn't sure why. 

“I dunno,” he finally said. “I feel like he'd have to actually be my boyfriend for that. Like… boyfriend for six months or more, because it's just- I dunno.” 

After a few moments of silence, he looked up and saw Adam and Shiro sharing one of annoying looks of silent conversation. But it was Shiro who spoke next. 

“Why does it sound like you don't think that'll happen? You really like him. And he really likes you.” 

Keith chuckled and nodded. “Yeah. But it hasn't been long so….” 

“So… you don't want your hopes up,” Adam finished for him. Keith shrugged and swirled the syrup around the plate with his fork. “How long were you and… Roland together?” 

“Little over a month. Technically. None of my relationships have really been more than a few months. I'm trying not to think about it.” 

The mention of Roland reminded him of the stow away in his room and how he needed to get him out soon. So instead of letting the conversation get to that serious point he knew Shiro was directing it towards, he got up to put his plate in the sink. 

He heard an exasperated sigh from where they sat. “Keith-”

“I'm okay,” he assured, stuffing a Pop Tart into his back pocket. “Doing my best to stay positive and stuff.” He stopped by the table again and smiled. “I really am okay. You don't have to worry so much. Both of you.” 

He hurried back to his room and locked the door. Roland was still asleep. Keith nudged his leg a few times before he woke up grumbling. 

He tossed the Pop Tart packet at him. “Breakfast.” Roland sat up and ate the pastry slowly, like he half expected to choke on it or realize it was poisoned. 

“Have you thought of how we’re gonna get out of here without your brother noticing me?” Roland whispered, tearing off another piece. 

Keith mulled it over. Whatever he was going to do, he had to do it soon because he didn’t like the anxiety of listening for Shiro or having to explain why his door was locked. Shiro was a good person, and Keith doubted he would actually do anything to Roland in the state he was in, especially with Adam here. But he’d already kept it a secret all night, and the last thing he needed was another voice- or two, knowing Adam- insisting that he had done something wrong or needed to tell Lance. 

If it had been anyone else, Keith would’ve helped. But if it had been anyone else, Keith wouldn’t have felt he needed to hide it to begin with. 

“Why are you scowling? What did I do?” 

Keith shut his eyes and tried to come back to reality. He shook his head. “Nothing. I’m thinking. I think we should just do what we did last night. Sneak out through the window. Except this time, meet me at the end of the block, and I can get my bike and meet you there. Then I’ll drop you off where you need to go.” Keith sighed and looked at his makeshift eyepatch. “You don’t want to go to a hospital?” 

He scoffed. “For a black eye and a few scrapes? Nah. Can’t afford that.” He crumpled the wrapper in his hand. “I gotta give you your clothes back.” 

“Keep it. If all you have is one other change of clothes, you’ll need it.” Again, worry spiked in him. He had other people to go to. Why wasn’t he asking for help? Why couldn’t he go home? “Start heading out. I’ll meet you in a bit.” 

Roland nodded and walked toward the window, shoving it up. He checked outside then slowly made his way out, not looking back as he started for the sidewalk. Keith shut the window and started changing. Before he left the room, he put the anti-inflammatory ointment in his pocket. 

Shiro and Adam were still at the table when Keith grabbed his keys. 

“Where are you going?” 

“Lance’s,” he answered. Shiro rolled his eyes and smirked. “I’ll see you guys later.” They both called out a goodbye and Keith couldn’t help but wince once the door shut behind him. He hated lying to Shiro, even for small things. 

He opened the garage and grabbed his motorcycle to start heading out. 

He reached the end of the street where Roland was sitting on the curb, letting his dirty-blond hair cover the patch over his eye. He looked up when he heard Keith’s engine. He stood up and stopped just beside the motorcycle. Keith took off his helmet and handed it to him. 

“You can wear it.” Roland nodded and put it on. He messed with the clip and strap until it fit properly. Then he stood there, staring. “Did you forget how to get on a motorcycle?” Keith asked. 

“No,” he snapped. “I just… I don’t know if you’re cool with… it.” 

Keith rolled his eyes. “I gotta get you to the hotel somehow. Just hold on and no snide comments.” Roland sighed and got onto the bike, hesitantly sliding his arms around Keith. Once Keith deemed his grip final, he took off. 

He could have believed he had a statue latched onto him. During the five minutes it took them to get to the hotel, Roland didn’t move once. And the second Keith stopped in front of the hotel, Roland let go and got off. Keith rolled his eyes and cut the engine as he got off. 

“You don’t have to come in with me.” 

“Do you have money? An ID?” Roland nodded and rummaged in the jeans he had the night before. He pulled out his wallet. “Okay. Well then… keep me updated. If you need to skip out on rehearsals, it’s cool. And here.” He pulled the ointment out of his pocket and handed it to him. “Try to stop getting beat up, okay?” 

Roland gave him a humorless smile. Then he nodded and rubbed his neck nervously. “Thanks for helping me out. I know I’m the last person who should be coming to you.” 

Keith wasn't sure what to say to that. His immediate reaction was to say it wasn't true, but… after everything? It was. A sudden change of a few weeks didn't erase everything Roland said and did. 

So he shrugged and said, “Hm. Second to last.” Roland scoffed and smiled. “I'll see you later.” 

“Okay, Keith.” He nodded once and then turned to go into the hotel. 

Keith sighed and got on his motorcycle again, ready to leave. He didn't think Lance was up yet, so he figured he could catch up on some readings he had for class at a coffee shop. 

Before he actually drove off, he sent Lance a good morning text, figuring he'd ask to go over whenever Lance woke up and texted him. It didn't take him long to get the nearest Starbucks, and he immediately took a table in the corner. He didn't particularly like reading on his phone, but he didn't want to go back home and have to explain why he left his things to begin with. 

When he turned his phone on he was surprised to see a response from Lance. 

_ Como amaneciste, koala?  _

Keith grimaced at the term, but he had to admit it made his heart flutter to know how much Lance liked the way Keith draped himself around him. He liked the way Lance texted him with a few Spanish words. Even if Keith only had the basics, it seemed like it was an important part of him, and Keith liked that Lance shared it with him. 

Keith groaned into his hands, simultaneously annoyed and flustered at how one text from Lance made him melt into a puddle. 

_ Pretty okay wyd up so early? Want me to go over? _

Lance responded when Keith was a paragraph in for one of his readings. 

_ I'm actually not home babe _

_ Um my sister came to visit me. She's annoyed I haven't told her anything about my “gf” 🙃  _

Through text, Keith couldn't really tell what Lance’s tone was coming off as. Was he joking? Nervous? Unhappy? Annoyed? He knew Lance loved his sister, but he knew Lance was also afraid of telling her about him. 

Try as he might, Lance never seemed to fully believe Keith when he said he didn't mind it. He knew coming out was scary for some people. And it wasn't like Lance was hiding him from everyone. 

_ Is that good or bad, pretty boy?  _


	12. Side Effects

When Lance woke up to eight missed calls from Veronica, he immediately thought the worst. Someone had died. She was in trouble. She was hurt. His mom was hurt. He was frantic and clammy and his heart had pounded so hard he felt dizzy. 

But no. Apparently she just really wanted him to open the door at eight thirty in the morning. Because she’d decided to drive an hour- “It was thirty minutes, light traffic and I drive fast,” she insisted- to see him since he hadn’t visited yet. 

Lance loved his sister, he truly did. But it took him while to stop being upset with her for freaking him out. She’d taken to simply sitting outside his door and playing on her phone until he called her back and eventually let her in. She managed to ask about his classes and Hunk and Pidge before her eyes fell to the stuffed lion in the corner of the room and the inevitable came up. 

“What’s with the giant cat?” she asked. But the lilt of her voice told Lance she already had an idea. He hated when she played dumb. 

“From my carnival date. We’re sharing it.” Veronica smiled and raised an eyebrow. Before she could talk, Lance said, “And that’s the real reason you came to see me- you want me to tell you about them and yadda, yadda.” 

Veronica rolled her eyes. “Dude, you always tell me everything. Why are you keeping so quiet about this girl? You had no problem telling me and Marco and Luis about the  _ many  _ chicks you banged at this party or that-”

“Veronica.” 

She stopped and sighed. “I’m sorry.” She scooted closer on the couch and turned his face to her by grabbing his chin. She regarded him for a moment, and part of Lance wondered if she could see right through him. 

He began to think loudly, as loudly as he possibly could, in hopes that she would be able to know without his having to figure out how to say it.  _ It’s a boy. I like a boy. I’m seeing a boy. Boy, boy, boy, he’s wonderful and beautiful and I want the world to know about him. I want you to know about him.  _

“Why do you look so scared,  _ flaco?”  _ she asked gently, her hand moving from his chin to his cheek in that way she always did when she was worried about him. “Did you….” She took a deep breath and Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “You didn’t get her pregnant, did you?” 

“What?” he practically screeched. “No! No, Veronica!” 

“Okay!” She pulled away, holding her hands up. “I’m just making sure! Jeez, you look so freaked out, can you blame me?” She crossed her arms and leaned against her knees, staring at the coffee table. “And you’re sure this isn’t about Allura?” 

Lance sighed. “No, it’s not,” he said softly. “Vero, can you just… give me some time? I promise I’ll tell you. You’ll probably be the first I tell, but just… back off a little, please.” 

Veronica let out a long breath. Then she nodded. “Okay. I’m sorry.” They stayed quiet for a moment. Then she nudged Lance’s knee. “Want some pancakes from Denny’s? I wanna make up for waking you up so early.” 

Lance scoffed and looked at her, slowly starting to smile. “Yeah. That sounds good.” She smiled back and stood up, ruffling his hair harshly as she moved toward the door. “ _ Ay, Vero!”  _

She laughed and twirled her keys around her index fingers. “ _ Oye pues, párate!”  _ she said with a lingering shit-eating grin. Lance grumbled and stood up to yank his shoes on and follow her out the door. 

There were a lot of moments between the car ride and ordering food where Veronica began to say something only to stop and reword or say something completely different. He knew she wanted information, but he also knew she was trying to remember he’d told her to give him time. Still, each time the word “she” or “girlfriend” slipped out, Lance couldn’t help but feel a tightening in his stomach. 

“We’re not dating… that way,” he finally said after another slip that Veronica brushed off by rambling about a TV show. 

Then, because Lance brought it up, Veronica seemed to mull over her words. “That way? So like… you’re dating but not officially?” 

Lance felt his cheeks heat up. “I mean we go on dates but the titles aren’t… no labels.” 

“Millennials and their labels,” she muttered. 

Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “ _ Pendejita,  _ you’re a millennial too.” 

Veronica laughed and shrugged. “Okay so…. No labels. But going on dates….” Lance huffed and ran his hand through his hair. “Alright, I get it,” she said. She perked up as their food came and Lance noticed his phone light up. 

_ Good morning sleeping beauty _

Lance tightened his lips to keep from grinning at that. Before he started eating, he responded, hoping his face was passive enough.

_ Como amaneciste, koala? _

“You texting her?” Veronica asked. Lance grit his teeth. So he wasn't passive enough. “Just a yes or no! I'm not prying!” she insisted. 

Lance rolled his eyes. “Sure.” 

As Lance began to drench his pancakes in syrup, Veronica asked, “So you haven't shown me any poems lately. Are you still writing them?” 

Lance grimaced. “No. You know I haven't written anymore. Everything I tried just…. It was always the same thing and I got tired of having nothing else to write about.” 

There was a small pause before Veronica continued. “Have you tried since?” Lance looked at her sheepishly and shook his head. “Well. This smart ass kid once told me that writing was a way to vent when things couldn't get out of your head.” Lance snorted and filled his mouth with food to keep from answering. “You said writing it all out is what finally gets it out of you and into the world, Lance. That's what you loved about it!” 

He sighed and drummed his fingers on the table. “What if I'm never done writing about her?” 

“So what, you're just never gonna write again?” Lance shrugged. “You have a gift, Lance. Don't be afraid of it because you're still hurting. And… not to pry, but… I mean is it also because of the girl you're seeing now?” 

Lance took a deep breath and noticed the LED light alerting him of a message on his phone. “Vero, I really don't want to talk about writing or Allura. How's everyone back home? How's Mami? How's school going for you?” 

Veronica sighed, but allowed the conversation to derail. As she spoke about her classes, Lance checked the message. 

_ Pretty okay wyd up so early? Want me to go over? _

Lance chewed his cheek and sent him a response as Veronica caught him up on the latest gossip at home.

_ I'm actually not home babe _

_ Um my sister came to visit me. She's annoyed I haven't told her anything about my “gf” 🙃 _

The nosy neighbor from next door complaining about the noise on weekends, Tia Lupe on the verge of a divorce, Papá telling his boss off and miraculously not getting fired. 

An incoming text:  _ Is that good or bad, pretty boy? _

Lance wasn't sure what to reply. Hell, he didn't even know if he wanted to come out to her yet. Part of him thought, yes because it was best to get it over with, but the other part thought, no because the simple idea of it made him have to stop eating with how anxious he got. 

_ Dunno yet. I'll text you soon 😙 _

Lance stuffed his phone back in his pocket and focused on the conversation. Veronica only raised an eyebrow, but she didn't ask anything. If Lance pushed the thoughts of dating and sort of dating and boys and gender and secrets to the back of his head, he could relax a little. He could breathe. 

By the end of breakfast, it felt normal again. No, “normal” wasn't the right word…. Whatever it was, it was calmer. 

Once the check came, Veronica stopped and looked at Lance with a smile. “You know, I don't know anything about this girl-” 

“Veroni-” 

“ _ But  _ you look really happy,  _ manito.” _

She looked at him, arching an eyebrow in question. Lance nodded. “I am.” 

Veronica smiled a little wider and nodded. “Then that's good enough for me.” She reached over and tousled his hair, making Lance protest and laugh. She laughed too, then busier herself with getting her card to pay. 

Meanwhile, that floaty feeling in Lance slowly dissipated. He didn't want to have to put Keith in the back of his mind to be able to breathe around his own sister. He didn't want to have to hide and avoid topics and watch his words around someone he trusted with his life. It wasn't right. He hated the idea of feeling like he was suffocating little by little whenever he talked to Veronica. It wasn't supposed to be that way, not for them.

He tried to keep his spirits up as they got up from the table and headed for the car. Veronica was rambling about a TV show on Netflix she discovered, so she hadn’t noticed Lance’s change in behavior. As she started driving away from the parking lot and said something about British TV being so bizarre when it portrays youth culture, Lance checked his phone. 

_ Okay, pretty boy. Remember to breathe and enjoy her visit. You’re not obligated to say anything if you’re not ready. Let me know when you’re free ❤️ _

Lance smiled at the text and put his phone back in his pocket. His heartbeat felt… emphasized. He could feel each beat in every limb, heavy like it was making his whole body pulse. His head got cloudy and he struggled to take a deep breath. His mouth was dry. The words bounced in his head, never quite in the right order or with the right tone. But they were almost to his place, and he knew he’d chicken out if he didn’t say something before-

“Veronica?” 

“What? I know, I know, girl characters that are like that are  _ super  _ annoying-”

“Veronica.” She huffed and glanced at him fleetingly before her eyes returned to the road for an intersection. Lance was going to puke. He was going to puke all over the dashboard. He made an effort to sound calmer than he felt. “The person I’m seeing… is, um….” She looked over, wondering if he was going to keep talking. “He’s a guy,” Lance managed to spit out, staring at his hands in his lap. 

He'd expected silence. Or stuttering. Or maybe a bunch of questions. What he hadn’t expected was half-hearted laughter. 

“Yeah, very funny, Lance. God, you and Marco I swear.” 

“I’m… what? I’m not kidding.” 

Veronica laughed a little more, this time more genuinely. “Yeah, after all the girls you told us about, I’m totally gonna believe you’re suddenly dating a guy. Look, I get if you don’t want to tell me about her for some reason, but I wasn’t-”

“I’m not lying!” he said, verging towards panic. “Veronica, please.” Veronica looked over at him, and something on his face must have made the weight of the confession get through her head because her smile dropped immediately. 

She didn’t say anything. Instead, she made a very illegal U-turn to park at a gas station. She turned down the radio stared out the windshield for a moment. Then she turned to face him. Lance was fighting the urge to run out of the car and just walk home. 

“Wait. So you’re serious? You’re not fucking with me?” 

“No! I…. His name is Keith.” 

Veronica slumped in her seat and furrowed her eyebrows. “So you’re… seeing a guy. And….” She closed her eyes and scoffed. “Oh my God. Oh my God, it makes so much sense. You never even used a pronoun, you’d just avoid the topic and-  _ oh my God,  _ that’s why you didn’t want to tell me anything!” She ran her hands through her hair, seemingly talking herself through the whole thing while Lance sat awkwardly in the passenger seat. “Oh. Oh, God. Lance, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to- I just- I wasn’t expecting….” 

The way she stammered made him more nervous. What was she trying to say? Was she angry? Was she grossed out? Would she say it was just a phase like Lance had heard so many people say to anyone who wasn’t straight? Would she cry? Oh God, Lance wouldn’t be able to handle it if she cried. 

Then she got out of the car. Lance felt his stomach drop. But then she came around to his side and opened the door, crouching in to look at him. “Come here,” she said, unbuckling the seat belt. Lance got out of the car despite how unstable his legs felt. Veronica looked frantic. “Okay. Okay. Are you okay? God, of course you’re okay!” She wrapped him in a hug so tight Lance physically couldn’t breathe. “You’re more than okay; you’re perfect,  _ manito.”  _

Lance chuckled, sniffing as her curls tickled his nose. “You’re not mad? You’re not gonna see me different?” 

Veronica pulled away, holding his shoulders. “What? No! No, of course not! I’m angry at myself for… for pushing you, for not catching on, for making you so nervous- are you shaking or is that me? Oh, Lance, I just….” She put a hand on his cheek and smiled. “If you’re happy, that’s more than enough for me.” Lance laughed and felt the very tears he’d been afraid of sliding down his cheeks. “ _ Carajo,  _ I’m trying not to cry, but if you’re gonna do it.” 

She hugged him again, her hand smoothing his hair down like she used to do to help him sleep when he was little, or just idly when they watched TV. Now, it was comforting. Even though Veronica was just a tiny bit shorter, Lance felt like a little kid, a blubbering mess in his older sister’s arms. “I hated keeping it from you,  _ prieta,  _ but I was so scared you’d be upset or hate me that you’d see me differently, and I wouldn’t have been able to handle that from you.” 

Veronica held him tighter and hushed him. “No, no, no,  _ oye, calmate,”  _ she murmured. “Lance, you’re my little brother. I love you so much, I love you more than anything in the world. Why would you think you liking a boy would change that at all? Why would I be angry? It’s okay.  _ You’re  _ okay.” 

Once his adrenaline subsided and he was able to calm down, Lance kissed his sister's cheek and thanked her again. “I'm sorry I dumped this on you and… made you almost kill us with the illegal U-turn.” 

Veronica laughed and wiped her eyes. “I didn't almost kill us, asshole. Oh gosh, okay. Do you wanna head home? Stop for coffee? Do you wanna talk more or just kind of leave it at this for now?” 

Lance smiled and felt his heart swell. “I'm good with going home. We can talk more. I've been wanting to catch you up.” 

Veronica nodded and ruffled his hair playfully before going back around to the driver's side. Once they were buckled in and driving again, she drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. “So Keith. Tell me everything.” 

It took getting to Lance's, making coffee, and eating all of the Chips Ahoy cookies he had left in the pantry before Lance was able to give her the full story- excluding bedroom details because he was  _ not  _ doing that. He showed her their photo booth pictures, a recording he managed to get of a snippet of their dance rehearsal the week before, and a few of the photos he had with him. 

After everything, he felt a little weird. Like it was somehow more official now, his liking boys. It just felt different for someone in his family to know, not just his friends. 

“I'll admit something,” Veronica said, looking at the strip of carnival photos on the coffee table. “It's gonna take me a little getting used to hearing you say ‘he' and ‘him.’ I'm so used to associating you with girls. I mean you were never really flirty with guys- except for Hunk but was that ever-” 

“Oh, no, no, no. Hunk’s just my best buddy. Yeah, he's all Pidge's, though… neither of them know it but…. Yeah, it's okay. I get it. This is new. And I keep getting asked if I'm gay or bisexual or what and honestly, I have no idea. I mean I was never scared to say a guy was attractive, but like… who can look at Leo in  _ Titanic  _ and not acknowledge that?” Veronica laughed. “But… yeah. This thing with Keith feels… nice.” 

Veronica crossed her arms. “Speaking of the thing. Why are you just calling it a thing? Why haven't you guys talked about that?” 

“Um. I dunno. It's like. The b-word just sort of stays out of our vocabulary. And we both sort of tense at the word dating. And it's…. I mean with him, I get it, he had a bad past with guys, but… I don't know.” 

Veronica crossed her arms and hummed. “Does he know about Allura?” Lance's eyes widened and shook his head quickly. “Okay, so  _ maybe  _ the reason you don't wanna be the b-word is because you haven't been the b-word since you were the b-word for Allura and so now you're panicking about having a and being the b-word for someone else?” 

Lance stared at her, burrowing his eyebrows. “What?” 

She rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Lance. Do you want to be Keith's boyfriend? Or do you still feel hung up on… Allura?” 

Oh, no, no, no. Lance did not want to get into the more serious psychological workings of his unconscious. But the psych major was obviously going to go down that route. 

“No. I mean, I think I'll always love Allura. What I had with her got cut short, it's not like….” He sighed and shook his head. “But I don't feel bad for liking Keith now. I feel… scared, because I don't know where it's gonna go yet and because it's the first time since Allura that I've felt like this about anyone. Pidge and Hunk have already told me I don't need to feel guilty. You've told me.” 

There was a brief silence. For a second Lance felt like she was going to go Therapist Mode. Instead she just said, “Fear has never stopped you from anything before, Lance. You love taking chances. So what's the real thing keeping you from asking him out officially?” 

Lance huffed and rubbed his neck nervously. “I don’t want to ask him out without telling him about Allura. But I don’t want to tell him about her yet. I don’t want to scare him off or… I don’t know.”

She nodded and put her hand over his, squeezing reassuringly. “Okay. That’s reasonable. But you’ll have to tell him eventually.” 

“I know. I will. But we’ve only been… whatever we are for a couple weeks.” She nodded again, comforting him with a smile. “Do you think… Ma  _ y  _ Pa will be okay with this? If I told them whenever I do start dating Keith?” 

The smile faltered a bit. She leaned against the couch and let out a soft huff. “Honestly,  _ huesos _ I don't know. I don't think they'll hate you or that they would kick you out of the house or something like that. But I don't know if they'll be angry or if they'll be okay with it.” Lance felt his heart sink, and she shook his arm. “Hey. That's why you have me, okay?” He smiled and nodded, leaning into her as she hugged him. “So when will I get to meet the wonderful Keith?” she asked. 

“Oh. Uh. I dunno. I mean… he knows you're here now, I could see if he wants to come over. I could invite Hunk and Pidge too, that way it's not too much pressure.” 

“Pressure? I'm a nice person!” Veronica protested. 

“Yeah, but I talk about you and Marco and Luis a lot. He knows how important you guys are to me.” 

She cooed and pinched his cheek, much to Lance's annoyance. “Okay, well see if they're up for it and we can order takeout or wings or something. I gotta use the bathroom.” 

Lance nodded and watched her go into the hallway as he made a groupchat with his best friends and Keith. 

_ Veronica is visiting me. You guys down to hang out?  _

Hunk and Pidge immediately responded, excited to see Veronica again. Keith read the message but didn’t respond. A few moments later, Lance got a personal message from Keith. 

_ Are you sure you want me to meet your sister now? _

Lance bit his lip and answered,  _ She wants to meet you but if you want to do it another day that’s ok _

There was no response for a while. Then, as Veronica came back, his phone lit up with an incoming call. He answered, but before he could get a hello out, he heard, “You told her?” 

“Um. Yes. Is that… okay?” 

“Wh-what did you… tell her?” 

Veronica gestured to the kitchen and mouthed,  _ chips?  _ Lance nodded and returned his focus to the call. “Well. I told her I was seeing a guy. And then I told her about meeting you and asking you on a date and…. You know, just sort of caught her up.” It was quiet for a while, and it made Lance nervous. “Keith?” 

“Oh! Uh, sorry. Just… processing. Um… okay, I’ll… be there soon then.” 

Lance smiled as a wave of relief overcame him. “Okay. See you soon.” He hung up and turned to where Veronica was shoving chips in her mouth as she stared expectantly over the counter. “They’re all coming! So wings or takeout?” 

Veronica smiled widely and held up her phone. “I got it.” 

Within the next half hour, Hunk and Pidge had shown up and greeted Veronica with hugs and loud laughter as they talked over each other. A movie played in the background on the TV as they mostly caught up and talked about their classes while waiting on their food. 

When Keith arrived, he didn’t knock on the door. Instead, Lance got a text, asking him to come out to the hallway. Confused, Lance excused himself, and left his apartment, only to find Keith pacing at the intersection of hallways. He had a small bouquet of flowers in one hand and a look of absolute terror on his face. 

“Keith? What’s wrong?” Lance asked, eyeing the bouquet and the incessant back and forth pacing. 

Keith turned to him and took a very exaggerated, deep breath. “I’ve never done this before, Lance. I’ve never been with someone who willingly had me meet someone in their family, and I’m freaking out!” Lance moved to grab him by the shoulders and keep him still. “What if she hates me? What if she thinks you could do better or that I’m the worst choice you could’ve made or maybe she secretly hates me for spiking your interest in guys-”

“Keith!” Lance cupped his face and forced Keith to look at him. “Babe, relax. Veronica likes you just from what I’ve told her about you. She wasn’t freaked out or anything when I told her. Surprised, but that’s all. She wants to meet you. She asked if she could.” He kissed Keith lightly, trying to calm him down. “And like I said, if it’s too quick for you, you don’t have to do this now. But Hunk and Pidge are in there too, so it’s not going to be a lot of pressure. Veronica’s really cool, if anything I should be worried because she loves embarrassing me.” 

Keith let out a nervous laugh. He leaned into Lance and huffed slightly. “I still can’t believe you told her. Were you okay?” 

“I was terrified. But I hate keeping things from her, and I didn’t want to hide you.  _ But  _ I did it for me, not to prove myself or anything, I swear.” Keith laughed, muffling the sound as he hid his face in Lance’s neck. “Hey. I know I dropped this on you really suddenly. So it’s okay if you want to back out. I’ll tell her she can meet you some other time over coffee or something.” 

Keith pulled away and looked at Lance with a soft look in his eyes, fear and adoration warring against each other. “I want to meet her too. You talk about her a lot; I know she’s important to you.” He slipped his hand into Lance’s and gave him a small smile and a nervous nod. 

Lance smiled back and led him back to his apartment. His grip on Lance’s hand tightened when he opened the door and the sound of laughter increased. Lance rubbed his thumb in circles along the back of his palm, trying to ignore the fact that his heart was beating faster too. 

“Vero?” She looked back, the remnants of a laugh still in her eyes. Then her eyebrows went up and she hurried to stand. “This is Keith. Keith, this is my older sister Veronica.” 

“H-hi,” Keith said. He held out the small bouquet and Lance watched as his cheeks turned bright red. “Lance talks about you a lot. I didn’t want to come empty-handed.” 

Veronica chuckled and took the bouquet. “Aw, thank you!” She looked at Lance and winked. “I like him already,  _ flaco.”  _ Keith smiled, but his grip was becoming deadly around Lance’s hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you too,” she said. “I hope you’re hungry; we ordered wings. They should be here soon.” 

Keith nodded. When Veronica turned to get a cup of water to put her flowers in, Keith let out a breath. “You never get me flowers,” Lance mumbled. Keith pinched him, making him yelp. “I’m kidding!” 

“Keith! What are we? Chopped liver?” Pidge called out from the floor. 

Lance pressed a kiss to his cheek and managed to slip his hand free. “I’ll be right back.” Keith nodded and went to sit by Hunk to say hi. Lance went to the kitchen where Veronica was cutting the stem tips. “He’s super nervous.” 

“So are you,” Veronica noted with a smile. “He’s sweet. And even more attractive in person.” She nudged him playfully and he blushed. 

There was a knock on the door, and Lance opened it to the delivery guy for wings. Almost on cue, Veronica, Hunk, and Pidge yelled, “ _ Wiiings!”  _ which caused the guy to laugh awkwardly as he handed the food over. After an awkward smile exchange, Lance brought the food to the coffee table and they spread the food out as a free-for-all grabs. 

“So Keith,” Veronica started. “How’d my dorky brother rope you into being interested in him?” Keith’s face turned bright red, and he busied himself with biting a chicken wing as Lance kicked at Veronica under the table. 

“Why are you mean?” he whined pitifully. “I’m not dorky. I’m smooth and very charming, and that’s why Keith likes me. Right, babe?” 

Keith smiled, but then Pidge snorted and said, “Yeah, okay.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You forget we were at both parties when you saw Keith,” Hunk said, suppressing a smile. 

The realization as to what they were alluding to hit him fast, making him turn red and panic because he didn’t need his sister knowing any of that. Apparently Keith caught on too, because he started coughing as he choked on hot sauce while Pidge laughed beside him and pat his back. 

“Do I… do I wanna know?” Veronica asked, looking at them all suspiciously. Lance noticed Keith duck his head, but Pidge and Hunk both seemed to be relishing in the moment of terrifying discomfort they’d caused. The damn traitors. 

“No, they’re just jealous because they’re too lame to make any moves,” he answered, looking between them both. Two could totally play at this game. Sure enough, they both blushed, but Pidge was the one to flip him off.

Keith chuckled, but remained quiet, out of the line of fire for the time being as he chewed on fries. “Well, yeah. Lance is pretty charming. He told you about the carnival date, right?” 

“Oh that’s right!” Veronica said. “That was with you! Sorry, it’s all still sort of clicking in my head.” She smiled sheepishly. “He said you won the lion.” Keith nodded.

“This part is boring, when do we get to the part where you embarrass Lance with embarrassing photos and stories?” Pidge asked. 

“Oh, I have plenty of those,” Hunk said.

“You guys really wanna play that game? You had your chances when you met Keith the first time!” Lance protested. He looked at Veronica helplessly, but she was just smiling that annoyingly smug smile she always got when she had something planned. “Veroni- _ ca!”  _

“Relax,” she said, giving him a sideways look. “Anyway, Keith, have you read any of Lance’s poetry?” 

Lance kicked at her again, frantic at this point. She shot him a warning glare and returned her attention towards Keith. 

“Uh. No, actually. But he recited one of his favorites once. A Pablo Neruda one about the sea.” He looked over at Lance for confirmation, and Lance nodded. Veronica glanced over at her brother as Hunk and Pidge kept their eyes on their food. “Have you written a lot of poetry?” 

Before Lance could muster up an answer, Veronica snorted. “Oh man, since he was a kid. I remember this one about our aunt’s big frizzy hair. He was like… six, I think, when he wrote it. But it was so funny because he didn’t even realize he was being insulting.” 

Lance blushed. “That’s not funny, tia Martha got really mad at me when she found that.” 

“You were six! All six year olds are brutally honest.” 

“I remember when you wrote one about Hunk’s sister when we were in middle school,” Pidge said with a smirk. She looked over at Keith and grimaced. “He was so infatuated with her in that like… hot babysitter kind of way. He paid me twenty bucks to never show it to Hunk.” 

“And I never wanted to know what it said,” Hunk added. Keith chuckled and continued eating, listening raptly. 

“I remember this one day after school, we were all sitting to eat dinner, and Lance just announced that he was gonna be a writer.” Veronica chuckled and threw some wing bones aside to grab more. “Our dad was ready to lose it.” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “He didn't want Lance to be a writer?” 

“Still doesn't. Lance is the only one of all four of us that's making it all the way through college. I got a late start, so I'm actually following after him.” Lance blushed and ducked his head, focusing on his food. “So our dad thinks Lance wasted his time. He doesn't complain anymore though. Mami is more supportive. We've always loved Lance's writing. Plus, he's gotten farther than any of us, so that counts for something.” 

Lance looked at the TV, feeling oddly embarrassed. “My friend Nyma once wrote this script that was inspired by this show,” he said carelessly. “We had a playwriting workshop class together.” 

“Nyma's your  _ friend  _ now?” Hunk asked.

Taking a deep breath, Lance shot him a glare. Granted, he walked right into that one, but he needed to change the subject. “Yes, she is my friend,” he answered, aware of Keith awkwardly shifting his gaze from Hunk to Lance. 

“So aside from insulting his aunt’s hair, what else did Lance do as a kid?” Keith asked, catching on to the discomfort that was threatening the conversation. “He says he was well-behaved, but somehow I don’t believe that.” 

“You shouldn’t!” Veronica said with a snort. “God, Lance was always getting into trouble.” 

“I was not,” he protested. 

“Yes you were!” Pidge butt in. “Remember the day you convinced us to sneak into the community pool on the first day of summer even though it wasn’t open?” She turned to Hunk and gestured with a ketchup-smeared fry. “How old were we?” 

“It was summer after eighth grade,” Hunk said. “Lance took it as a personal offense that the pool was still closed and insisted we go in anyway since we had our bags of food and clothes. And so he hops the fence and starts fiddling the lock to open it for us, but I’m refusing to go in and Pidge is saying something about chlorine and infections-”

“Then we hear a siren whoop, and the cops are pulling up and telling us we’re trespassing and to go home.” Pidge rolled her eyes, but laughed at the memory. 

“They weren’t assholes about it were they?” 

Pidge and Hunk laughed and looked at Lance who rolled his eyes. “Not… at first. I’d seen this movie…. And so because it was summer and I was thirteen and felt invincible, I said ‘Fuck the police’ and cannonballed into the pool.” 

Keith burst into disbelieving laughter and covered his mouth as he looked at the others for confirmation. “Next thing we know,” Veronica finishes, “the cops have Lance, soaking wet by the arm at our door and he’s banned from the pool for the first month of opening. Then this other time-”

Lance groaned as Veronica went on a long rant between mouthfuls of wings about the many misadventures Lance had in his youth, as young as a four year old who threw a fit for candy and flopped into a mud puddle to his days in high school when he talked one of their younger cousins up a tree, but their cousin was too scared to come back down. Pidge and Hunk added their own anecdotes especially when they were involved in Lance’s mishaps. 

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter because I am Abuelita’s favorite and she would never hold it against me,” Lance said, after Veronica had jumped back to the day he’d accidentally shoved her so hard during a game of tag that she had to wear a sling. 

Keith looked amused, which made sense seeing as each time he asked a question it led to another more embarrassing story about Lance. Veronica splayed herself out on the floor where she had a decent view of everyone. 

“Keith, has Lance really not embarrassed himself in front of you? Never told you any of these stories?” 

“I mean he’s told me some funny ones from when he was in school with Hunk and Pidge, but no. He’s never done anything embarrassing with me except panic in front of my brother.” Keith wiped his hands clean and shifted to sit closer to Lance. 

Veronica scoffed. “That's actually impressive. I can't even remember how many embarrassing things he did when he wa-” She stopped herself, covering it up with a fake coughing fit that could fool anyone but Lance. 

He looked at Pidge and Hunk who seemed to catch on to what Veronica nearly said. 

“Ha, yeah, Lance is a pro at embarrassing himself,” Hunk said. Veronica nodded through her coughs and reached for a water bottle she'd been drinking. 

“Right well, right now you guys are doing it for me,” he muttered. Keith pressed his hand to Lance's, a silent offer of comfort, a small sign of affection that always managed to make Lance's heart skip a beat. He immediately turned his hand to intertwine their fingers and took a breath. 

“You okay?” Keith asked Veronica. 

She nodded and shook her water bottle slightly. “Took a breath too quick. But anyway! Lance told me you dance.” 

“Yeah, we're actually rehearsing for a performance right before winter break.” Keith turned to Lance. “You're going, right?” 

“Of course,” Lance promised. “I'll drag all three of them to come with me too.” 

Keith smiled at him and squeezed his hand slightly. Veronica nodded enthusiastically. “I love performances of all kinds. They're fascinating to me.” 

Hunk asked something, but at that point, Lance had caught Veronica’s gaze resting on the sight of Keith's hand interlocked with his own. The teasing gleam in her eyes was gone and replaced with some kind of relief and… maybe fascination. It almost made Lance self conscious, but then her gaze lifted to meet his, and she gave him a fond smile. It was reassuring. Accepting. And Lance realized that there was truly no difference in the way his sister saw him. 

He couldn't help but smile back at that, and he leaned in closer to Keith, resting his head on his shoulder. The level of comfort and peace he felt at that moment was something he hadn't realized he was waiting for. 

Thankfully, his sister and his friends took some pity on him and ended the horrible stories of all of Lance’s screw-ups. The conversation shifted to various topics, from opinions on recent movies and netflix series to the occasional question Veronica had for Keith about his hobbies and even some stories Hunk and Pidge had about their times hanging out with Keith to tell Veronica. 

Lance noticed that Keith would try suppressing a smile when he was part of a memory or inside joke, and it made Lance happy to know he felt just as included considering the amount of stories he was new to from them. Lance was almost certain Keith was still nervous, but he didn’t show it as much as he had in the hallway. 

His hand was a little sweaty, but when Lance’s hand loosened for him to let go, Keith only held on firmer. Lance also noticed he had a habit of fiddling with his free hand subtly enough that it didn’t seem like he was anxious. Most of the night, Keith was folding and unfolding the corner of one of the brown napkins that came with their wings. He took an occasional deep breath, as if to steady himself. 

Honestly, Lance wanted nothing more than to kiss it all away. Kiss away the nervousness, the pressure. But he never really liked PDA with the exception of parties, especially in front of his sister. The urge did, however, make him realize he’d gone quite a while without kissing the sense out of Keith, and that knowledge only made the urge stronger. He tried placating it with small pecks to his cheek or shoulder or a gentle kiss to the back of his hand when the others weren’t looking right at them. 

Veronica was the first to leave around ten. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay?” Lance asked. 

“Nah, I have to take Papi to his doctor appointment tomorrow. And I left all my stuff.” She shrugged. “But you’ll be coming home soon, and I can come up any weekend if you  _ invite me.  _ You know, now that you’re not keeping Keith a secret from me.” 

Lance pouted. “He’s not- he wasn’t a secret! I just… avoided explaining.” Veronica rolled her eyes and looked at Keith with a  _ can you believe this kid?  _ kind of look. “Alright, yeah now I’m just kicking you out.” 

“Oh really?” she challenged, immediately catching him in a headlock. Hunk and Pidge immediately started chanting encouragements as Lance yelped and tried to tickle her, but that only resulted in her grip tightening. “Tap out! Tap out!” 

“No!” Lance shouted, writhing in her grasp. Keith was laughing from where he sat on the floor, watching. “Would you stop stomping I have downstairs neighbors!” 

“Tap. Out!” 

Lance would’ve been able to get out of the situation easier if Veronica hadn’t trapped one of his arms along with his head. “God, you’re such an asshole,” he gasped, quickly tapping her knee as his side started to cramp from being hunched over awkwardly. 

She let go and bowed as Pidge clapped for her among the laughter. As she grabbed her keys, she said, “Damn,  _ flaco,  _ you lost in front of Keith. Aren’t you embarrassed?” 

“Okay, time to go!” Lance said, shoving her toward the door. She laughed and Lance felt a sudden increase in the weight he pushing. “No! Veronica, no! Stop!  _ No seas asi!”  _

“Gravity’s increasing on me. I can’t help it,” she answered, letting her weight fall against Lance and throw him off balance. 

“Why are you the way that you are?” Lance complained. “I swear, I’ll let you fall.” 

“Do it and see what happens, you little shit.” 

“ _ Ay, pues caminale!”  _

“ _ Que se dice?”  _

Lance scowled and shoved her again, huffing against the deadweight she was purposefully adding. “Please!” 

“Okay.” She stood upright and laughed at his expense. She brought him into a hug and tousled his hair. “You should see Keith’s face right now. He’s looking at you like you’re holding the stars,” she whispered. “That’s so gay.” 

“ _ Veronica!”  _ He laughed and shook his head. “God I missed you. Please drive safely, okay? Let me know when you get home and give Mami a hug for me.” 

“I will,” she promised. “ _ Te quiero mucho, manito.  _ And I’m really happy for you.” She tousled his hair again and smiled. “Be good, okay? Study hard!” She stood on her toes and yelled back, “Bye guys! And it was really great meeting-  _ wait my flowers!”  _ She shoved Lance aside and grabbed her little bouquet of flowers. “You’re my favorite person in this room, by the way, Keith. No one else ever gave me flowers and they’ve known me since they were little. Assholes.” Keith laughed and waved as she returned to the door. 

“Bye, Veronica!”

“You know we love you,” Pidge added.

Lance waited until Veronica made it to the end of the hallway to close the door. He plopped down on the armchair and tugged on Keith’s shirt for him to get up from the floor and join him. Keith stood up and squeezed in beside him, but ended up half on his lap. 

“I don’t think we fit here, pretty boy.” 

“Well Pidge and Hunk are taking up the couch and I want cuddles.” 

“Shit, well then I guess we’re not wanted here,” Pidge said as she threw a balled up napkin at him. 

“No, you are, I just also want my cuddles.” Lance wrapped his arms around Keith and snuggled into him. His sweater smelled like freshly ground coffee beans and new books. “Were you at a cafe?” 

Keith nodded. “Studying.” Lance hummed and shifted so Keith could be more comfortable despite being used as a body pillow. 

“So… do we get to hear the story of you coming out to Veronica?” Hunk asked. “It obviously went well, but what happened?” 

“Well, I mean she knew there was someone. She knew I'd been on a date and all that, I just never told her specifics….” Keith snorted and started to trace random patterns on Lance's arm as he caught them up on everything that happened that day. When he was done, he took a moment to look at his friends and smiled. “I'm really glad telling you guys never felt that terrifying.” 

“We were drunk when you told us, so you cheated,” Pidge reminded him. 

Hunk laughed and nodded. “But we're glad it was easy with us. Honestly, looking back, I don't know how we didn't see it coming.” 

“What do you mean?” Lance asked. 

Keith just laughed and nodded. “That tends to happen. Once you realize it, a lot of other things start clicking.” He raised an eyebrow and leaned closer to Lance. “So what did you realize?” he asked Hunk. 

“Well, I remember back in high school the goalie for our soccer team- we had a great soccer team- asked Lance for help studying because he was close to failing and they'd bench him if he did.” 

Pidge laughed. “Oh my God, yeah! That was what's his name, Kendall? No, no, no we called him by his last name it sounded like Limeade.” 

Lance buried his face into Keith's side and groaned. “That was Kinkade. We had the same Algebra class.” 

“Kinkade!” they said together. “Oh that's so true! I remember how nervous you'd get any time he'd talk to you and every time you had to meet with him after school you would hyperventilate.” Keith laughed and looked at Lance for confirmation. 

“He was a huge deal! All the girls in our school liked him and he had all the cool people for friends. It was weird having him ask me for help.” Lance blushed as he recalled the very nervousness Pidge and Hunk did. In retrospect, it was very similar to the nervousness Lance felt on his first date with Keith. “Oh.” He'd been so certain it was just because Kinkade was popular. Intimidating. But…. “Oh. My. God.” 

“There it is,” Hunk said with a laugh. “You totally had a crush on him.” 

“How did I not realize that?” Lance exclaimed, hiding himself in Keith's sweater. He shook his head and grumbled. “Oh my God I was so awkward with him I think he knew and I didn't even know I-” 

“I think you're fine, Lance,” Hunk said with a chuckle. “I just thought it was funny how it all kind of clicks now.” 

Lance rolled his eyes and hummed as Keith started playing with his hair idly. “As much as I'd love to stay to remember all the obvious signs of Lance's questionable sexuality,” Pidge said with a smirk, “I really gotta get home to work on a project I have to present Monday. Are we doing anything tomorrow?” 

“We can just text me and we can decide,” Lance said. “You guys leaving together?” 

“Hunk drove.” Lance nodded and smirked, but he felt Keith pinch him before he could say anything else. 

Hunk and Pidge said their goodbyes and left the apartment, so the only sound was the TV and Keith's soft breaths as he leaned into Lance. 

They'd managed to drape themselves along the armchair comfortably enough to stay, but it was an awkward position only bearable because of the other's presence. 

“Your sister's funny. And really sweet,” Keith said when Lance started playing with his fingers. “I like how you act around her.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“It’s like you both turn into little kids again. You pick at each other, but it’s never mean. You’re kind of dorkier, but that’s a good thing.” Lance laughed at the description and nudged him, feigning offense. “It’s cute! You’re cute.” 

Lance hummed and pulled Keith to lay over him, tucking back the longer strands of hair that fell forward behind his ear. “Well she liked you too.” Keith smiled as he stared down at Lance, tracing his index finger over Lance’s lip lightly. Lance chuckled and moved to bite his finger, but Keith drew back quickly. “That tickles.” 

Keith smiled at that, only responding with a hum before he leaned down to kiss Lance softly. Lance sighed in content and responded just as softly. He liked these slower kisses, when they took all the time in the world to just memorize the other’s lips. Time felt like it froze, or it just didn’t exist at all. They could stay there forever, moving slowly to admire everything about the other. 

Like the way Keith’s hair fell forward from behind his ear when ducked his head lower to kiss Lance’s jawline and tickled Lance’s face subtly. The softness of Keith’s dark hair when Lance pushed his fingers through it. The slow movement of his tongue as he licked down his neck and left small open mouthed kisses while his free hand gently brushed against Lance’s cheek. 

Lance sighed and held him closer. “I missed you last night,” he whispered. 

Keith responded with a playful, soft bite- really just a graze of his teeth. “I missed you too.” 

“Did you want to talk about anything?” 

Keith pulled himself up, looking confused. “What? What do you mean?” 

Lance shrugged. “I don’t know if you wanted to talk about some of the comments Shiro had made. You know, about dating.” 

“Oh.” Keith pulled himself up all the way and moved to sit on the arm of the chair. “Oh. Well. If you want to.” 

“Do  _ you  _ want to?” 

“I do if you do.” 

Lance rolled his eyes. “Do you want me to want to?” Keith furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Lance helplessly. Lance sat up and took his hand. “Just be honest with me, babe.” 

Keith looked at him oddly for a moment then stared at his shoes as he swung his leg. “I just don't want you to feel like you have to talk about it just because I do or feel like I have to talk about it because you do. The whole dating thing- it's not a big deal to me. But that's not because it's you it's just….” Keith looked frustrated, grasping for the right words. 

The expressions on his face made it seem like he wanted to say something, but he didn't. Lance rubbed the back of his hand with his thumb gently. Keith looked at him, deflated. 

“Hey,” Lance said softly as he shifted to face Keith. “We can figure it out as we go. We're not in a rush.” He leaned forward and kissed Keith's cheek. “What do you say if right now we just… cuddle on my bed and you sing to me while I play with your hair? And lots of kissing to make up for not having you here last night too.” 

Keith chuckled and stood up to pull Lance up with him, his arms wrapping around his torso. The smile on his face soothed the frustrated expression he'd had just a moment ago. “Let me guess- you wanna be the little spoon?”

Lance smiled and leaned in to kiss him. “You know me so well, koala.” 

Keith smiled at that, but something still seemed to be bugging him because the smile didn't reach his eyes. Before Lance could ask about it, Keith kissed him and tugged him down the hallway to the bedroom. 

Lance offered him a change of clothes and laid down on the bed as Keith put them on. For a moment, Keith stopped at his bookcase, his fingers skimming the spines of each book in silent fascination. 

He went to the bed and laid down, pulling Lance into his arms. Once Lance was comfortable enough, Keith lived up to his latest nickname and encased Lance with his arms and legs, holding him closely.

Lance was close to falling asleep, aided by the warmth of Keith's body and sound of his heartbeat at his ear and the whispered song he was speaking more than singing. Then the song stopped and Keith kissed his forehead. 

“Lance?” He hummed in response, closer to succumbing to sleep than being able to use words. “Why'd you stop writing poetry?” 

Lance's eyes flew open. He tried to control his facial expression, but Keith had already caught it. He was looking at Lance with a furrowed brows and confusion in his eyes. 

“I…. What?” 

“Well… it sounded like it was a big part of you. And you have all those books and journals in your bookcase. Why did you stop writing?” 

It was too hot. Keith's arms were suddenly too heavy. But it was fine. He was fine. 

He shrugged and ducked his head so Keith couldn't see his face anymore. “I just don't have time anymore.” 

Keith took a deep breath. He didn't answer for a while. Lance figured that was all, but a few moments later, he said, “Is that girl you mentioned earlier an ex or something?” 

“What? Who?” He pulled back a bit to look at Keith. 

“The one you mentioned,” Keith answered, a bit of frustration seeping into his voice. “And Hunk asked if she was your friend now and-” 

“No, no, no, she's not my ex. She's just my friend.” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows, and Lance wondered if he didn’t believe him. “Okay. Then who  _ is  _ your ex?” 

Lance felt his body go cold and stiff. He gripped Keith’s arm and scoffed. “What’s that matter?” His voice was small. Not even a whisper, and the petrified feeling soaking through his veins made it hard to even say those three words. 

Suddenly, Keith was pulling away from him to sit up. He was grabbing his shoes, and Lance felt slow to catch up. 

“What’s it matter?” Keith spat back. “Jesus, Lance.” 

“What are you- where are you going? Why are you-?” Keith walked toward the door and Lance hurried off the bed to stop him. “Keith-”

Keith turned around, snatching away from Lance’s hold. “Do you know how many people I’ve told the things I told you? About Roland, about Shiro, about my mom and my foster parents?” Lance stared at him, not understanding where such a sudden shift in mood came from. “Not even Shiro knew the full extent of what happened with Roland. I told you all of it when you asked because I trust you. I know it took me a while, and there’s still things I have to build up to telling you, but…. Lance, you don’t tell me anything.” 

“I don’t- What the hell are you talking about?” Lance exclaimed. “Yes I do! I’ve told told you about my life, about my family, and my friends-” 

“You don’t talk to me about the things that matter!” Keith gestured to the bookshelf. “Why is it I didn’t even know you wrote poetry until Pidge said it? Why didn’t  _ you  _ tell me about how you used to write it since you were six? Why do I have to find out from Veronica that your dad doesn’t like what you’re studying? Why didn’t I even know you had an ex until Pidge mentioned her?” 

It felt like his body had been electrocuted. “Pidge di- What did she say?” 

Keith narrowed his eyes and clenched his fists. “Nothing! She just mentioned a past relationship and then said you don’t like dwelling. That’s not the point!” Keith looked desperate at this point. He shoved the tips of his fingers into Lance’s chest. “I should have heard it from you! I should have heard about the poetry from  _ you.  _ I should know about… about the shitty stuff too, not just the funny stories about pranking Veronica and losing a bet with your brothers.” 

“Okay, okay, you’re right. I should’ve, and I’m sorry. I didn’t know it mattered. But you know now.” Keith scoffed and shook his head. He left the room and Lance followed, calling after him. “What else do you want me to say, Keith?” 

Keith turned back around, looking furious. “Why don’t you trust me? You were the one that kept begging me to believe you were serious about this. But you’re the one holding back.” 

“I  _ do  _ trust you.” Lance cupped his face, but Keith pushed his hands away. “Keith, I do! Of course I trust you. You wouldn’t have met Veronica if I didn’t.” 

Keith stared at him with his jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. “Why did you stop writing? Don’t give me that bullshit about not having time.” 

Lance stared at him wordlessly. He didn’t want to lie, even if it seemed like a small lie. It obviously wasn’t. Keith was taking this to heart. But he still couldn’t bring himself to say the truth. He gulped and tried not to wither under Keith’s glare. He couldn’t even bring himself to form a thought of an answer. It was too much. 

With a huff, Keith tried something else. “Can I see one of your journals? Some of your writing?” 

All of those journals had her. Somewhere, somehow. Lance couldn’t hand those over without it saying everything he didn’t want to say. He hadn’t even opened them since he decided he wouldn’t write again until he could write about something that wasn’t Allura. 

He shook his head and ran his hands through his hair frantically when Keith scoffed in exasperation. “No, they’re not… they’re not for people to see.”

Keith started pacing, aggravation clear in the tension of his body. Lance could tell he was struggling to stay in control of his temper. “Why didn’t you tell me about your ex?” Keith asked instead.

“I don’t… like talking about it.” 

“Do you think I liked talking about Roland?” Keith’s voice was so loud compared to the feeble responses Lance could muster. “You asked me; you begged me to tell you and I did! I tried to let you tell me on your own but you’re-” Keith growled and turned away. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I’ll see you later.” 

“Keith, please don’t walk away.” Keith hesitated at the door with hunched shoulders. Then he sighed and opened the door to leave.

Lance felt like the wind had been squeezed out of him. He opened the door to follow, to bring him back. This wasn’t right, this wasn’t how tonight was supposed to be.

Keith was already down the hall, going down the staircase before Lance could even shut his door. He was fast, and his steps were heavy- something Lance hadn’t even noticed was unlike him until it was happening. He kept calling after him, shouting for him to wait. 

He didn’t reach him until he got to his motorcycle. Lance ran to place himself in front of it, his own hands on the handles. He could feel his voice waver when he spoke. “Keith, I know it looks bad, but I promise-” 

“Don’t. Don’t promise me anything.” Keith stared at him and started the motorcycle. “Lance… don’t… don’t  _ cry.”  _

“Then stay. Please.” 

Keith took a breath and grit his teeth. “Let go. I can’t be around you right now.” 

“Keith-”

“ _ Let go of my bike.”  _

Lance grit his teeth and held on, more resolute. “No. Not until you get off and come back inside with me. Please, baby, just-” The bike revved, startling Lance into jumping back from it. Without another word, Keith sped out of the lot. 

If it hadn’t felt so cold, Lance would’ve stayed outside, collapsed to the floor and tried to wait for Keith to snap out of it and come back. But it was cold, and he didn’t have a sweater, and he knew Keith wasn’t coming back. Not that night. He forced himself to walk back inside, slightly dazed as he made his way back up the stairs.

What happened? They were supposed to be in a good place. Keith had met Veronica. Lance had met Shiro. Keith should have been there, lulling him to sleep, kissing his forehead and his cheeks and.... He wasn’t supposed to be gone. The night wasn’t supposed to have turned into a fight. He’d come out to his sister, he’d introduced them and they liked each other. Lance should have been celebrating, not walking back to his apartment, struggling to breathe. 

When he made it back to his room, he was filled with resentment. Towards himself, towards Keith, toward Veronica and Pidge, and for a tiny split second towards Allura. He was hurt, and he was afraid. He didn’t know if this meant it was all over or if it was just an argument, and he didn’t think Keith would answer if he called. 

He should’ve seen it coming. He should’ve known it was bothering him, he should’ve caught on. He should’ve been able to give Keith something, but…. He couldn’t. Even all this time later, there was still so much he was shoving down and suffocating. Like the fucking poems. 

He turned to his bookcase and pulled out three of his journals, staring at them in anger, like it’d been their fault Keith walked out. Stupid journal with stupid poems. Stupid past that wouldn’t stay in the past. 

Without thinking, Lance started tearing out the pages in one of his journals, hoping that by destroying the words he would destroy the emotions. He yelled through clenched teeth, crumpling the pages in his fists before he let them fall to the floor. He threw the journal at the wall, letting out a loud curse as it thumped against the wall and fell to the floor. When he reached for another, he saw something slip out and froze. 

It was facedown, but he knew what it was. He’d forgotten it was there. He fell to his knees and grabbed the small photo, turning it over slowly. It was a photo of Allura, laying on a blanket in the park. Her hair was fanned out to one side, her eyes shut as she basked in the sun. It was one of the last pictures Lance had of her completely healthy. He’d taken it without her knowing because he’d thought she looked like a modern day renaissance painting of a goddess. 

Seeing her photo was like flipping a switch. Lance looked at his floor and all the torn sheets of poems, and he felt panic spike in his chest. 

“No, no, no, no,” he moaned, picking up the pages. He crawled around the floor until he had them all along with the journal. Then he grabbed the tape on his desk and sat down on his bed, spreading them out with trembling hands to soothe out the wrinkles. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.” He tried his best to get them back in order, to tape any he ripped apart and to rewrite the words that had faded with a tear. 

For the better part of an hour, Lance worked on repairing his journal, sniffing and shaking and wiping away runaway tears because he was remembering everything that happened when these poems were written, because he wished Keith were there, helping him, because he wished he felt like he’d just spat on Allura’s memory by trying to erase the the muse she was for him, because he wanted Keith to come back and tell him it would be okay. 

When his journal was put back together as best as he could, he placed all of them back on the shelf as best he could. Then he went to the living room to grab the giant stuffed lion that tended to chill in the corner. He took it back to his room to use as a body pillow, as a comfort after the argument. 

Then, after shutting off the lights and telling himself he would be able to sleep, he pulled his phone out and sent Keith a text. 

_ I know you’re angry, but please just tell me if you got home okay _

He held his phone close and waited. He could have been asleep already. He’d left an hour ago, and it was a little past two in the morning. He just wanted a response to tell him Keith wasn’t cutting him out completely. He wanted to believe they would be okay. It was just an argument. 

The phone buzzed. 

_ I’m home.  _

Lance sighed in relief and responded,  _ Okay. goodnight.  _

He was awake for another half hour waiting for a response that didn’t come.


	13. Addiction

The wind felt like a slap in the face. Going fast was dangerous, but it was late and hardly anyone was on the feeder road. What few cars were still on the road were speeding on the highway, and Keith knew where cops tended to hide out at these hours anyway. 

He couldn't go back to his house. Shiro would hear him coming in and he'd ask why he hadn't just spent the night. But he didn't want to go back to Lance's. He couldn't. It hurt too much. 

_ Fuck.  _

This was exactly what he wanted to avoid. This pain that depended on someone else, this frantic lack of comprehension stemming from what he felt for someone else and what they didn't feel for him. 

Lance kept poetry, writing, and any bad things locked up so tightly, like he didn't want Keith to know. But Keith couldn't fathom why. He'd already shown he had his own baggage, he'd already laid out some of his own pain for Lance to know about. Hadn't he also proven that he would take Lance seriously- hadn't Lance wanted that?

He made a sharp turn, nearly losing his balance. He skidded to a stop, knowing Shiro was going to kill him for fucking up his tires but he was too pent up on anger to care. He went around the back of the gas station and began pacing in front of the graffiti. The streetlights from the street behind him allowed some light to fall on the shapes and colors, turning it into a washed out sepia. 

He was right. He was right, he was right,  _ he was right.  _

Keith scowled as he stared up at the dragon. 

_ No one's ever gonna love you like me, Keith. You know that right? But a lot of people in this world… they pretend. They pretend to care just to hurt you. We can only trust each other.  _

No, no, no. It wasn't true, and Keith knew it. He had Shiro. He had Adam. He had his foster parents, his mom. 

But Lance was supposed to be different. Lance was the one who said he wanted Keith to let him in. Lance wasn't supposed to make Keith feel like… like everything he'd been told before was true, he shouldn't have had that power in the first place. He knew what it was like for someone to have such an effect on his emotions. He hated it. 

He hated this feeling of being vulnerable. But he only hated it now because he felt hurt. Because he felt like Lance was using it to his advantage even if he didn’t know it, and now Keith was here at this stupid graffiti wall with reminders of everything. Everything _.  _

Maybe it wasn’t a big deal. Lance had waited for Keith to be ready to talk, and he’d back off when he didn’t want to. Keith had tried to do the same, but….

There was something about the way he felt when he was listening to everyone talk about their past with him. He felt stupid when he was confused about the writing, and the hesitance his family had about his major. He felt like he should’ve known those things. He should’ve known since before Shiro and Adam asked him that he wanted to be a teacher, and why. 

But he hadn’t known any of it. Because Lance didn’t talk about it. Keith didn’t know why. He didn’t know if Lance just wanted to make Keith think his whole life was happy-go-lucky, or if it was because he didn’t trust him yet, or if it was just because he didn’t think it was important.

Maybe he didn’t even have the right to know. It wasn’t like Keith was his boyfriend. They both clearly didn’t want that. That was reason enough to keep things from each other…. 

Keith felt like throwing something at the stupid wall. Anything. Before he could think it through, he was back on his motorcycle and heading to the 24-hour Wal-Mart just a few blocks down. It was petty, probably stupid, and very unnecessary, he knew that much. But he needed to let himself burst.

He hadn’t let himself lose his temper toward Lance because he’d been on the receiving end of that before. He knew how terrifying it was for someone you liked to suddenly turn on you because they couldn’t handle it. And he didn’t want to let steam off by punching a cement wall coated in old spray paint. There was no way he would explain that to Shiro and no way he’d even be able to drive his motorcycle if he fucked his hand up that badly. 

By the time he was at the gas station, he had his array of weapons. A carton of eggs, a few moldy vegetables that were on clearance, and can of spray paint. 

“Six fucking years,” Keith muttered, opening the carton of eggs. He threw one at the flying griffin’s beady eye. “Six  _ fucking  _ years and you still have me all fucked up!” He threw another and another. “You were wrong! I always- deserved- more- than you!” Keith threw egg after egg, unable to even feel the cold in his fingertips.

He switched to the bag of old produce. Mushy tomatoes, badly bruised pears, anything he could find that he knew would be squishy enough to splatter against the wall. “You don’t own me anymore. You never fucking did.” Keith threw them at the dragon, wanting to destroy the image someone else had created for him, had tried to mold him into. “Powerful dragon my ass,” Keith hissed. More like shackled, tamed weapon. A pet to show off. 

_ Your foster family doesn’t get you, baby. But I do. That’s why I tell you everything. It’s you and me against the universe.  _

Keith threw another fruit. It splattered open, chunks of it flying back as it bounced from the force. “He’s not.... Lance is not…. You were wrong about everyone.” So why were the words still in his head? Why did part of him still believe them? 

Lance wasn’t using him. Wasn’t trying to get information out of him just to hold it over his head. Keith knew that, he knew it in some logical part of his brain, in his heart. 

But those words were still there. That idea of inequality existing because Keith wasn’t worth it, because it was going to be used against him…. That fear was still there. 

And it hurt too. It hurt that Keith had pushed through bad memories to explain to Lance why he was so hesitant about him, had told him a little about his mom, about what it was first like with the Shirogane family…. And for it to feel like Lance wasn’t even trying to push through his own bad memories. Were they just that bad, or did he just not want Keith to know? If Keith had made the effort why wasn’t Lance? And why did it hurt so much that Lance wasn’t telling him? 

Keith growled and pulled his hand back to throw another piece of produce at the art. 

Then he heard a sound. Something wet… like chewing with your mouth open. He grabbed his phone and shined a light immediately, catching a small animal lapping at the bits of food that had fallen to the ground after Keith threw them. Before he could get a good look though, the animal dashed under the dumpster quickly. 

Was that a cat? A dog? Maybe a raccoon? 

Keith rolled a peach toward the dumpster. A small snout stuck out from under the dumpster and sniffed, but when Keith took another step, it receded. Keith shone his light underneath, lowering the brightness to keep from startling the animal. As he fell to his stomach to look, he saw the gleam of the light reflected back with wide eyes, looking like creepy laser eyes staring back at him. But the small body was crouched, shaking at the far end of the dumpster. 

“Hey,” Keith whispered, holding the peach out gingerly. It was a dog. A small dog. It looked like a tiny bear with matted fur and floppy ears. “Come here, buddy. You hungry? I got a lot of snacks.” He broke open the peach and the dog’s snout twitched with interest. “Did I scare you? I’m sorry. I won’t hurt you. Come on.” He whistled gently, but the dog stayed put, staring back. “Okay, have it your way,” he huffed. 

He sat up and stared up at the defiled art piece. He tore apart the peach as he did, leaving pieces of it scattered around him. 

Sure enough, the dog slowly crept out from under the dumpster, finding the pieces of food and eating them hungrily. Keith got a better look at it. It looked like… maybe a German Shepard. The fur was too long for that, but the color scheme was right.One of the ears had a pointy end, despite it flopping, like the dog hadn’t quite grown into them. The other looked clipped, though Keith couldn’t tell if it was from another animal or a human. 

“You look pretty beat up,” Keith said, as though the thing could understand him. “Come here.” He held out his hand, another piece of peach in his hand. “It’s okay.” The dog neared him then backed off, torn between getting its food and not trusting the human figure. “Yeah, I get it,” Keith murmured. “Here.” He tossed the piece halfway between them. The dog flinched, then slowly crept forward to eat the fruit. “Wanna do me a favor and piss on the wall over there?” Keith asked. 

The dog sat, quickly swallowing his food and falling back. Keith tore another piece off. His hands were getting sticky, but he didn’t mind. He worried giving the dog the whole peach would result in the poor thing choking on the pit. But he started tossing the peach pieces a little closer, careful not to move too much the closer the dog got. 

“Did you run away?” The dog tilted its head. Keith gave the dog a once over, shining his flashlight on it. “You’re bleeding. Did someone hurt you?” Again the dog tilted his head further. Keith chuckled. “You’re cute. I’m out of peach, but here.” He held his hand out and the dog slowly walked forward, sniffing Keith’s hand. A hesitant tiny tongue licked out, making Keith laugh. 

Finally, the pup seemed to feel a little more at ease and took to licking all the peach juice from Keith hand and fingers. Keith noticed a collar around its neck, but he couldn’t see the name on the tag. When he turned his hand to pet it, he must have moved too fast because the dog whimpered and ran back to the dumpster, holding one of its hind legs up gingerly. 

“Sorry. I’m sorry.” Keith sighed, wondering what happened to this poor dog. He dug in his bag and pulled out a box of Nilla Wafers he’d gotten for himself. “You want one of these? I won’t scare you this time.” He huffed and shook his head. “I need to stop talking to you like you understand me. I sound stupid.” 

The dog let out a little huff and stared. Keith shrugged and put a pile of the cookies where he was sitting before he stood up. “Fine. You can eat while I’m not looking at you. I gotta finish my job here.” He grabbed the spraypaint and stood up, heading toward the wall. 

Stupid art, always so well-preserved. All these years and it was better taken care of than the actual gas station. Keith scoffed and uncapped the bottle before aiming at the griffin. He sprayed in haphazard circles, zig-zags, and slashes. Then he turned to the dragon and gave it the same treatment.

Maybe now Keith could let it go. If there was no art to see, there was no reason to come back. No reason to think of him. 

But no matter how ruined the art was, Keith would always remember him. He’d remember everything he’d been told. He could still imagine the weight of the arm over his shoulders, pulling him close.

_ You’ll do it for me, right my love? You won’t say anything, will you baby? You’re coming with me, aren’t you, buttercup? You love me, don’t you?  _

No matter how much Shiro had tried to help when Keith was finally free from that asshole, it was useless. It still was. 

Keith had tried hard all his life to never be defined by the things that happened to him. An orphan? A foster kid? It didn’t mean he had to live his life with that identifying him. Unsure of whether he was Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Korean, or something else? That was fine. It didn’t matter if he didn’t know his heritage, he could create his own path. 

When he realized he was gay, when he was brought in to different families, any time he was let down, all the struggles of changing schools, then his mom dropping in on him. It was all hard, and it was exhausting, but none of it defined him. He defined himself. His past didn’t have to determine who he was. 

But the effects that people had on him now…. The way he’d been treated, the things he’d been told…. They were burned into his memory as angry reminders. And even when things went well, when things were different, those words, those actions found their way up to the surface to tease him, to shackle him to a past he wanted to leave behind.

He hated it. He hated feeling like he may never truly break free from the grasp of someone who he hadn’t even seen in years. He hated that everything that happened with Roland felt like a reiteration, like life was laughing at him, proving his fears right. 

Keith threw the can at the wall with a shout before he knelt down, balancing himself on the balls of his feet. He pressed his hands to his face and shook his head. He wanted to get rid of that touch of those words of those memories.

Lance was nothing like him. Lance wasn’t trying to make some unbalanced power dynamic. He wasn’t trying to make Keith feel insignificant. Maybe he really just needed time. Maybe he just didn’t want Keith to feel bad for him. He looked stressed when Veronica talked about their dad’s opinion on Lance’s education. Maybe…. 

God Keith felt like he was going in circles. 

No tears. No tears, no tears. He would not cry over someone else ever again. Never. He was stronger than this. He plopped onto the ground, tired and shaking. It took everything in him to keep himself together- just barely. His body shook with the effort until he was gasping for breath. 

_ Why can’t I let you go?  _

Something nudged against his leg, making him start. He gasped as the puppy fell back, startled by Keith’s reaction. “Oh. Hey.” There were crumbs all over the dog’s maw, and Keith raised an eyebrow. “Did you enjoy your cookies? Let me get you more.” He stood up to grab the box of wafers, surprised to see it was empty. “Did you… eat them all?” Keith looked at the puppy who tilted its head. He hadn’t moved closer, but he hadn’t moved away either. 

He huffed and shook his head. “You could’ve left me one, you know?” The puppy yipped and Keith felt his heart melt at the small sound. “Alright, I forgive you,” he said with a chuckle. He sat back down on the ground and pet the space beside him. “Come here.” 

The dog cocked its head both ways in turn before slowly limping over. It pressed a paw to Keith’s leg before deeming it sturdy enough to climb onto, laying over his lap with its bad paw dangling. “Can I pet you?” Keith asked softly. He moved slower this time, giving the puppy a chance to see what he was doing. 

This time, he was able to touch the tangled, wet fur. “You could use a bath, buddy.” He moved his fingers along to the collar to twist the tag toward himself. 

_ Boxer.  _ Keith frowned. TIny, bear-like puppy like this didn’t look like a Boxer. He read the address as he scratched behind his ear. It was close by. A quick drive to the next exit on the highway. Keith knew the street because he passed it on his way to campus. 

“Your family must be worried. You look like you’ve been out on the streets for a while.” He hummed as he looked at his bike. “You’re small enough to fit with me if you don’t squirm too much. What do you say? Wanna go on a ride?” 

The puppy had no idea what Keith was saying but the more Keith scratched at his ear, the more he wagged his furry tail. Keith chuckled and gently wrapped his hand along the underside of his belly, lifting him as he stood up. “Easy, it’s okay,” Keith murmured as Boxer’s front paws wrapped around his arm tightly, like he half expected to fall. “It’s okay. I gotcha.” He unzipped his jacket and tucked the puppy in as best he could, careful of his paw. 

He started his motorcycle, driving slowly, aware of the injured puppy that could easily slip from his hold. But Boxer seemed more than happy to stay with his head turned to the wind. 

At least until they got to the street. There, Boxer started squirming, whimpering, and trying to get out of Keith’s jacket. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Keith said, grabbing him tightly. “Easy, buddy, it’s okay. I’m just taking you… home.” 

The dog was shaking. Even with Keith holding him tightly against his diaphragm, he could feel the tremors. The dog’s tail was curled in between his legs, and Keith was pretty sure he felt urine against his stomach. His ears were flat against his skull, his whimpers sounding similar to a small child’s. He was terrified. 

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” Keith murmured, holding the puppy tightly. “You wanna come home with me?” He hushed the puppy, petting it soothingly. “You won’t go back. It’s okay.” He fiddled for the collar, unlatching it before he dropped it to the ground. “I don’t know what they did to you, but you won’t go back there. I promise.” Keith hunched over the puppy, shushing it until the whimpers quieted. He was still shaking, but he wasn’t trying to get away anymore. 

Keith revved his bike again and headed home. He didn’t want Shiro asking about anything, but he was now covered in dog piss, had an injured puppy, and nowhere else to go. When he made it home, he heard a door open, and Shiro came out, looking half asleep in a T-shirt and boxers. 

“Keith? What the hell are you doing home? It’s nearly two in the morning.” Before Keith could think of a response, Shiro added, “Why… do you have… a dog?” He sniffed the air and grimaced. “And what is that smell?” 

“Long story,” he answered. “I found him. I’m keeping him.” 

“Wh-”

“I gotta shower. And clean him up.” Keith walked past Shiro towards the bathroom. He turned on the faucet and patted the tub. “Come on, boy. Time for a bath.” But the puppy stayed put. He sat, staring at Keith for a moment, then made a move to start for the door. But Shiro appeared in the doorway, and the puppy scampered toward Keith. “Hey! Be careful, he’s really skittish. I think he was hurt by his last owner.” Keith picked him up and gently placed him in the water where he froze, but didn’t cower or whine. 

“Am I going to get any kind of explanation? About anything?” Shiro asked. “Why didn’t you stay at Lance’s if it’s so late? Where the hell did you find a dog?” 

Keith sighed and switched the water to the detachable shower head. The dog’s spine curved like a cat’s, but he stayed. His big eyes blinked up at Keith pitifully. “Found him by the dumpster.” 

“Dumpster.” Shiro leaned against the bathroom sink and waited. “Go on.” 

Keith sighed and rolled his eyes. “I got in an argument with Lance. I left-”

“To the gas station? You went back to that graffiti wall, didn’t you?” 

Keith shrugged. “It’s not so pretty anymore.” He grabbed the shampoo, making a mental note to buy one that was safer for dogs. He didn’t think one time would hurt, so long as he kept it out of the puppy’s eyes, but he knew it wasn’t the best choice either. 

“What are you- Keith, what did you do?” Shiro asked with a sigh. 

“Nothing that wasn’t called for. Right, buddy?” The pup stared at him, hunched over and soaking wet. “I tried taking him home, but as soon as we got to his street he freaked out. He started shaking and then he peed on me. He’s hurt, and I think whoever owned him did it to him.” 

“And so you’re keeping him.” Shiro sat on the toilet seat and Keith tried not to feel watched as he washed the puppy down. “What’d you and Lance argue about?” 

Keith grimaced. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He struggled to get all the soap out of the dog’s fur while being careful of the injured paw. It looked like a deep gash, but as Keith washed him, he noticed a few other gashes in different stages of healing. “Fucking assholes,” he muttered under his breath. “Can you get me a towel?” 

Shiro sighed and went to get one. When he came back, he looked at Keith with curiosity. “Did you guys break up?” 

“We're not-!” Keith blushed and shook his head. “We aren't dating. So there's no breakup. I don't know, I… I left.” 

“Left… him, or just his place?” 

Keith sighed and rubbed his face with the dry part of his arm as he helped the dog out of the tub. “Do you mind? I smell like dog pee and need to shower.” He tried to hand the dog over, but he started thrashing again. “Whoa! Okay, you stay here then.” 

Shiro backed off and shook his head. “Well… just knock on my door if you want to talk.” 

Keith nodded and waved him away. He kept the puppy wrapped in the towel as he took his own shower. He heard his phone buzz and checked the sender. Lance. 

_ I know you're angry, but please just tell me if you got home okay. _

Keith didn't think he'd still be awake. But if he still messaged him, then maybe it wasn't a “break” of any kind. Just an argument. 

Keith wiped the water from his fingers and answered. 

_ I'm home.  _

He turned off the sound on his phone and finished showering. He wrapped the towel around his waist and picked up the dog before going to his room to change. When he was done changing, he worked on trying to dry his new dog off gently. From the corner of his eyes, he noticed the LED light on his phone with the blue color of a received text. He unlocked it and checked the text. 

_ Okay. goodnight. _

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and put his phone down. The dog’s big eyes flitted up toward Keith, as if in question. “Don’t look at me like that. You don’t know the details.” The puppy blinked. “I’ll talk to him eventually. He’s just… confusing me.” The eyes flitted away and his little body shook to get rid of the water on his fur. “Agh! So I know whose side  _ you’re  _ on.” The puppy yipped and crawled into his lap. He started licking at his hind leg and Keith gently nudged his maw away. “Don’t do that.” 

The puppy bit onto his hand, and Keith could feel the way he shook slightly as he restrained his bite to remain playful. “What do you say we give you a new name? That way you get to start over completely.” The puppy responded by biting more of Keith’s hand. “Okay, tell me which one you like.” Keith hummed as he pulled his hand back. “What about Lycan? A little on the nose, I think, but sounds cool.” No response, of course. “Hm, what about… Stitch?” The dog bit towards Keith’s hand again. “Ooh, you don’t like that. Hm. Maybe… Kosmo? With a K because I’m Keith.” The puppy pawed at his chest and yipped. “Hey! You like that one! Alright, Kosmo, let’s wrap your leg up until I can get you to a vet.” 

Keith carried him toward the bathroom again and placed him on the counter. He pulled out the gauze from the first aid kit and wrapped it around Kosmo’s hind leg. Kosmo kept trying to nip at Keith’s hand as he wrapped him up. He had to be careful about how he moved around Kosmo, because fast movements made the him flinch or whine. 

“It’s okay, boy. You’re not going back there anymore. I won’t hurt you. Come on, let’s get some sleep.” He carried him again and placed him on the bed. “You’re safe, Kosmo.” Keith pet his head gently as he stared at his ceiling, thinking of everything he’d said to Lance. 

Maybe it was just an argument, but Keith didn’t know how they were supposed to get over it. It was clear Lance wasn’t going to explain. And it wasn’t like Lance could take back Keith knowing about his writing so he could tell him himself. But Keith couldn’t just say he was fine when he wasn’t even getting explanations for why Lance hadn’t told him. He didn’t want to go see him and have it become an even bigger argument. He didn’t want to not see him and have it turn into something it didn’t have to be. 

Keith didn’t know what to do. It was driving him nuts. Kosmo nuzzled closer to him, snuggling his snout under Keith’s pillow and huffing. Keith decided to pet him to lull himself to sleep and get the thoughts out of his head. 

The next morning, he woke up to a paw clawing the blankets away. Keith blinked in confusion before he remembered that he’d taken Kosmo in. “What is it?” 

The puppy yipped again and again, nearing the edge of the bed before falling back and pawing at Keith again. He couldn’t jump off. He limped around in a circle, whining, but when Keith got up, he started wagging his tail. “Wanna go outside?” Kosmo barked and Keith laughed as he picked him up to take him to the backyard. 

By the time Keith brought him back inside, Shiro was already awake and making breakfast. Kosmo ran into the kitchen with his nose in the air. Keith followed, watching him to be sure he didn’t mark his territory inside. 

“So… did you replace Lance with a dog or something?” Shiro asked as he dropped a sausage to the floor. Kosmo pounced on it and laid on the floor to tear it up. 

“No,” Keith answered.

Shiro gave him a sidelong glance. “Well…. You seem pretty calm about it.” Keith scoffed. “Why’d you go to the gas station last night? Why didn’t you just come home?” 

“I don’t want to be interrogated, Shiro.” 

“I wouldn’t if you hadn’t come home at two in the morning with a dog, post-vandalization, and pretending everything’s okay with this argument. You could’ve gotten hurt, Keith. Or sick! It was cold and that place is disgusting. The dog could have had rabies-”

“Kosmo is fine. He’s just a runaway. I’ll take him to the vet today.” 

Shiro frowned. “Why did Lance just let you leave?” 

Since he was evidently not going to be able to avoid the topic of Lance and their argument, Keith sighed and sat down at the table. “He didn’t. I left because I wanted to. He tried to stop me, but I was angry, and I didn’t want it to make things worse.” 

“So naturally you ran off.” Keith scowled and Shiro rolled his eyes. “Sorry. But you know I’m right.” 

“Whatever.” Shiro snorted and offered him a plate of spam and eggs. Keith accepted it and began to poke at it with a fork. Kosmo seemed interested by the smell, but he paced around the table like he was scared to get too close. “It’s just…. I know we’re not in a real relationship, so I’m probably not entitled to anything. But it still sucks that I’ve told him so much and he never tells me anything. It feels like he’s hiding from me or trying to make me more vulnerable to him, and I don’t like it. Everything I find out, I find out because of someone else.” 

Shiro seemed to take some time to digest Keith’s words. “I’m not.... Entirely sure what you mean by that. I thought Lance talked to you about a lot of things.” 

“Yeah, about his siblings or his favorite teachers in middle school or… all the happy and funny things. Or his favorite movies or songs. But he doesn’t… he doesn’t tell me anything that’s, y’know, upsetting.” Shiro furrowed his eyebrows, and Keith groaned. “Okay, for example, I didn’t know he wrote poetry until one of his friends told me he did. And I figured it must not have been a big deal if he didn’t mention it. Then his sister said-”

“You met his sister?” 

“Yeah, she visited yesterday. But the point is, she said Lance had been writing since he was six. Then he just stopped, out of nowhere. There’s obviously a reason for that, right? But when I asked he lied and when I called him out on it, he just said he didn’t want to tell me.” 

Shiro chewed thoughtfully and nodded. “Okay. Well…. Maybe he just wants you to know the best parts of him. To impress you. It takes time to talk about hard stuff.” 

“I  _ know  _ that!” Keith snapped. “I know that better than anyone! But I-” He took a breath and put his head in his hands. “I’ve opened up to him. I’ve been vulnerable, because I figured he’s genuine and he trusts me so maybe I can trust him. But he doesn’t trust me, Shiro. And I’ve told him about Roland, and about Mom and Dad, about  _ my  _ mom. I’ve told him how you got me into dance. I’ve told him some of the hard stuff. Not all of it, because yeah, it takes time. But he….” 

Shiro let out a long breath and nodded. “I think… people have a right to take longer times to talk about things. I get why you feel the way you do, Keith. After all you’ve been through, I get why you’re assuming or expecting the worst.” He tapped the table until Keith looked up. From the perimeter of the table, Kosmo barked at the sound. “But Keith, after meeting him… he seems to mean everything he says. Everything he does. I think that if he didn’t tell you, he had good reason, and maybe he would’ve with time. But other people got involved. It would’ve been like… if I told Lance about Roland the day he picked you up for a date.” 

Keith sighed and let that sink in. He tried to let the logic override his pride and hurt. Shiro was right. What they had was still new. It wasn’t even official. He’d overreacted. Lance wasn’t Roland. He wasn’t…  _ him.  _ Lance was Lance. He’d taken Keith by surprise and proven he was different from the very start. This wasn’t some power play or secret ploy to reduce Keith to vulnerability. 

It was just bad timing.

“Look, the first fight always sucks. It’s scary. But you move past it.” Shiro crossed his arms. “In a healthy relationship, they’re gonna happen sometimes, but you don’t just run away each time they do. And you figure it out.” Keith hummed and stared at the table. After a while, Shiro asked, “So… do you have money to get dog food or a leash or… anything?” 

“I… don’t know how much all of it costs, but I was hoping Kosmo’s uncle Shiro would help me?” 

Shiro rolled his eyes and got up to grab his wallet. He handed Keith a hundred dollar bill. “You need to find a new job. That should cover all the vaccinations and the basic dog stuff. If he shits inside, you’re mopping.” 

“Yeah, okay, Dad,” Keith muttered with a roll of his eyes. 

Shiro chuckled and took out another hot dog for Kosmo to chew on along with a small plastic container for him to drink water from. Shiro sat on the couch as Keith started scrolling through nearby vets and pet stores.

He started with a pet store for food, a collar, a rope toy, and a leash. He dropped that off at home so he wouldn’t have to tote it on his bike the whole time. Then he stopped at a vet clinic that took walk-ins, hoping the vaccinations and helping the gash on Kosmo’s leg wouldn’t be too pricey. 

By the time he was at the vet’s, he knew Lance would be awake. Keith didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t replied last night, so maybe Lance was waiting to hear from him. But Keith was busy at the moment anyway. 

He waited until after Kosmo got his check up- officially caught up on vaccines and his wounds properly cleaned- before he headed back home. He didn’t like that he could only have Kosmo in his jacket while on his bike, especially since the vet said he’d grow to be a pretty decently sized dog, somewhere within the medium to large breed range. It was a guess, since they didn’t know if Kosmo was mixed or a purebreed. He made a mental note to get the car back from his foster parents. 

It wasn’t until he got home that he decided to call Lance. He answered within the first few rings. 

“Keith? Are you okay? Please tell me you’re not calling to tell me you never want to see me again-”

“Can you have dogs in your apartment?” 

“I- what?” Keith repeated the question. “Um. Probably not, but if I can sneak one up, I don’t think anyone would notice…. Why?” 

“Do you mind dogs in your car?” 

“Do you… have a dog now?” Keith tugged on the rope toy that Kosmo was growling around as he pulled back vigorously with what small amount of strength he had. “Hello?” 

“Uh. Yeah. It’s… a long story. But….” Keith sighed. “I know we should talk after… yesterday.” 

There was a brief pause before Lance answered. “Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Um, no, I don’t mind dogs in my car…. Do you want me to pick you up?” 

“Please.” 

“Okay. I’ll be there soon.” 

Keith thanked him and hung up. He pulled Kosmo closer with the toy and huffed. “There, are you proud of me?” Kosmo growled and tugged relentlessly. Keith snorted and shook his head as he continued playing, waiting for the knock on the door. 


	14. Side Effects

Granted, the last thing Lance expected as the first thing Keith would say to him after their argument was  _ can you have dogs in your apartment.  _ But he wasn't complaining at all, because he thought the next thing he would hear was  _ I don't think this is going to work out.  _

The tone in Keith's voice was drastically different from what Lance had last heard. That had to be a good sign. 

As he drove towards Keith's house, he passed behind a gas station that typically had a nice mural of two mythical creatures in flight. Lance had passed by it enough times to where its magnificence faded to the back of his brain, but it was brought back that day because now it was gone. 

Not gone, exactly. It was still there. It was just ruined by maniacal sprawls of black spray paint, sprayed so haphazardly, the ink dried in drips. 

It was disappointing. The graffiti around the city varied between wannabe gang tags, vulgar dicks or boobs, and beautiful real art like encouraging phrases, a series of faces along one of the highways, or this one with the glistening scales of the dragon and the gleam of sunlight on the feathers of the griffin. It was hard to get those details with a spraycan, and Lance had always admired those pieces for the time put into them, even if they were in tunnels or building sides. That was one less piece of genuine art. 

Lance could see the store owner furiously trying to scrub, but getting rid of the black also got rid of the art beneath.

A honk made Lance jump and turn his attention back to the street, waving apologetically as he passed the stop sign. 

A few blocks later, he pulled into the driveway and took a deep breath. Keith asked him to come. He wasn't going to be turned away. He got out of his car and went to the door. When he knocked, he heard a high pitched, maniacal yipping bark. 

A few moments later, the door opened and Lance found himself facing Keith as he held a small dog in his arms. The dog thrashed and writhed, barking at Lance with vigor, but his tail was wagging. Meanwhile Keith looked awkward and uncomfortable, uncertain. 

Lance’s instinct was to lean forward and greet him with a kiss, but they were still in the middle of an argument. It was a strange concept to think that he didn’t know how to handle Keith when he was angry. 

“Hey,” he finally said, settling for the simple greeting. 

“Hi.” Keith opened the door further. “Come in. I gotta get my shoes on.” Lance stepped inside and made his way to the couch. Keith put the dog down and grabbed his shoes. The puppy stayed by Keith, but eyed Lance curiously, his tail wagging. 

“What's uh…. What's the dog's name?” 

“Kosmo. I found him on my way home yesterday.” Lance nodded and whistled for the dog to come toward him. But Kosmo only stared with his frantic tail and giant eyes. “He's skittish. I think he was abused or something.” 

Keith stood up, swooping the dog into his arms as he did. Lance noticed a bandage on one of the home legs. Keith bit his lip and nervously walked around Lance, his face flushed. It was killing Lance. 

He reached out to grab his arm gently. “Keith? Are we…. This thing….” He sighed and shook his head. “Are you done… with me?” 

Keith's eyes flirted along Lance's face. His jaw was clenched, but his eyes were wide. He let out a soft breath and reached out to smooth out the furrow between his eyebrows. “If I was done, I wouldn't be asking you to pick me up. And if you were done with me, you wouldn't have come. Right?” 

Lance smiled and let out a relieved sigh. “Yeah. Okay. Good. I….” He bit his lip and shrugged. “Can I kiss you?” 

Keith chuckled and pulled Lance in by the nape of his neck, planting a chaste kiss on his lips. Kosmo yipped and licked at their chins, making them both laugh as they broke apart. 

There was still residual tension from their argument… but at least Lance knew Keith wasn't going to give up on him. Keith called over his shoulder that he was leaving and Lance heard Shiro call back to text him if he was coming home or not later. Then they walked out to the car. 

The ride itself was quiet. Keith busied himself by playing with Kosmo as the music on the radio played softly. Lance kept reassuring himself silently that they would be okay. Like Keith said, he wouldn't have asked for a ride if he was planning on just… breaking up with him? Leaving him? What was it even called? 

Lance shook his head and tried to calm himself down. He let out a breath as he parked and shut off the car. “I didn't think you'd call me. You were really mad yesterday,” Lance murmured. 

“I… still am, kind of. Well, no, not mad, just… hurt.” Keith looked at him, and it was like he was arguing with himself. His eyes narrowed and he kept starting to say something that he second guessed.

Lance had an urge to take his hand, but similar to his hesitancy over a kiss earlier, he wasn't sure if he should. “The way you talked about it,” Lance started, trying to alleviate Keith of the burden of finding words. “Do you feel like you're putting more into this than I am?” 

“No. No, that's a bad way to…. I know you're trying too. I mean you came out to Veronica and you asked me to meet her. It just… feels like….” Keith sighed and pulled Kosmo closer, his hands dipping into his fur. “It hurts to talk about serious things. I know that. But I still tried for you because you asked and because when it was too much you let me off the hook. Then I asked you and you… you  _ lied. _ You don't want to tell me, and I don't… I dont get why. What's the big deal about telling me you wrote poetry? Or about your dad? Or your ex or-” 

“I can't explain a lot about one thing without having to explain everything, Keith. I'm not ready for that.” 

His eyes flickered over to Lance, soft and worried. “I don't need to know everything,” he said softly. “I mean… would you have told me yourself? If Pidge or Veronica hadn't?” 

“Yes! Absolutely, Keith!” Lance slumped in his seat slightly. “I'd always hoped to tell you myself. I just needed to take my time. And with my dad about my degree, I just… don't like thinking about it. It makes me feel like a disappointment, so I don't acknowledge what he thinks, then….” He shrugged and flicked the dangling keys still stuck in the ignition. “But. What do you mean I lied?” 

“You said you stopped writing because you don't have time. But that's not…. It's your  _ major.  _ It's what you do.” 

Lance grimaced and flicked the keys. “It wasn't a lie…. Just half of the truth.” Keith fixed him with an unamused glare and Lance rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay. You're right. I'm sorry. I didn't think a small half lie would… hurt you so much.” He hesitated before reaching for Keith's hand. 

Kosmo bit at Lance's hand when he did, but Keith pushed his snout away gently. “No, Kosmo,” he said sternly. He looked back at Lance and let out a tired sigh. “Where do we go from here, Lance? I understand not wanting to talk yet. I don’t want to make you. But I also feel like… now I know things about you that you didn’t want me to know.” 

“I don’t mind you knowing,” he whispered. “I guess I just didn’t think it was so important to know about.” He hesitated and ran his thumb along Keith’s knuckles, ignoring the nervousness building in chest. “I get that you feel like I might not open up as much as you want when it comes to serious things. But that’s not just with you, koala.” He noticed Keith’s cheeks tinge pink at the nickname. “I just don’t like for people to know about the more serious things. I don’t talk about it until I’m bursting with it. Like the thing with my dad? Hunk and Pidge didn’t even know about it until I mentioned grad school to him once and he started going off about how pointless it was because it was just writing-” He groaned and shook his head, staring out to the bushes that were planted in front of the apartment building. “I got so mad and I was… hurt, I guess. I hung up and just started ranting. Pidge and Hunk had to collectively calm me down and reassure me. But they didn’t know it was an issue. I don’t… I don’t like being serious.” He brought Keith’s hand up to his lips and took a breath. “I do want to meet you halfway with this, though.”

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head, so similar to the very movement his dog did in his lap, Lance had to stifle a laugh. “Okay… how?” 

Lance kissed his hand and pulled the keys out of the ignition. “Let’s get inside, yeah?” They got out of the car and Keith followed him as they went inside and up the elevator to his apartment. When they got inside, Keith put Kosmo down, and the puppy started running around and sniffing everywhere. Keith followed Lance to his room. 

“You moved Laith,” he noted when he saw the lion plushie on the bed. 

Lance chuckled and nodded, figuring he’d leave it at that. “I wasn’t sure when it would be your turn to take him.” Keith sat down and leaned against the giant stuffed lion like a pillow. Lance took a deep breath and went to his bookshelf, grabbing one of his journals, one that wasn’t torn and taped together. 

As he turned back around, Keith’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “No, Lance, you don’t- I didn’t mean you had to- It’s okay-” Lance sat beside him, one eyebrow arched. Keith sighed and put his head in his hands. “Please don’t show me that because you feel like you have to. I know what I said, but-”

“Relax,” Lance said with a smile. His heart was pounding like crazy. Holding the journal was the only thing that was keeping his hands from shaking. “I’m doing this because I want to. Because you’re right, my poetry was a big part of me. You wanted to read some, and….” He took another breath to steady himself. “I don’t want you to read them all. I’ll have to tell you which ones, and you… you have to promise not to turn the page or flip through it- I sound like a serial killer-”

Keith laughed and shook his head. “No you don’t,” he said softly, sliding his hands over Lance’s. “Are you sure about this?” Lance looked into his eyes, his resolve strengthening as Keith seemed to stare into his soul. The more Lance looked at him, the more he felt like he could breathe. He felt calmer. He nodded. Keith smiled and nodded. “Could you read to me? I’d love to hear these in your voice.” Lance gulped and nodded. “Okay. Let me just take Kosmo outside to use the bathroom so he won’t like… mess up your carpet.” Keith got up and turned to lean over and kiss Lance softly. He pressed his forehead against Lance’s and whispered, “It’s okay if you change your mind, pretty boy.” 

Keith placed another kiss on the tip of his nose before turning away and calling for Kosmo. Lance felt his heart stutter at hearing the words  _ pretty boy  _ fall from his lips again. He took a deep breath when he heard the front door shut. 

This was terrifying. Lance knew that once he shared these poems with Keith, they would take on a piece of Keith. Just like the poems that he wrote for Allura had her in them, the poems Lance would show Keith would always be The Poems He Showed Keith. If Keith had a favorite, it would always be Keith’s Favorite Poem. Lance was about to bare a part, however small, of his mind and his heart to Keith. 

Of course, he believed what he had with Keith was good. He didn’t think that Keith would go anywhere any time soon, but…. There were possibilities. Keith could meet someone new, someone better. He could decide it was too much to be with Lance. He could just decide they weren’t working. Or he could follow Allura’s fate…. 

He shook his head. He couldn’t think that way. He didn’t want to think that way.

It was scary to think that he would be sharing his writing with Keith, but he wanted to do it. He didn’t write these poems so they could fade away on a shelf in unopened journals. He wrote them to share them. To release some part of himself to the world. 

By the time Keith came back, Lance was sitting in his bed, leaning against the wall with a pillow propped behind his back. Keith brought Kosmo in with him and shut the door before letting Kosmo roam free and joining Lance on the bed. 

“Hey,” he greeted gently. Lance smiled and let those indigo eyes wash over him, easing his erratic heartbeat. “So you’re still sure about this?” 

Lance chuckled and nodded. “Yes, Keith. I’m sure. I want you to read some of these. Because I want to share them with you. I’m… scared, but I… I trust you.” 

Keith tilted Lance’s chin up and kissed him softly. Then he scooted closer to him, leaning into his shoulder. He shut his eyes and smiled. “Well, whenever you’re ready then. I'll keep my eyes closed.”

Lance steadied himself and opened the journal. He flipped through with shaking fingers until he found one he wanted to start with. 

This one had been inspired from a day he'd spent with Hunk and Pidge at the park back home. He had seen a mother and father with their daughter on the playground. Pidge had been rambling about fairy folklore and the girl had been throwing herself off the ledge of the platform into her dad's arms as the mom laughed. Then he'd recalled something about a fairy being born each time a baby laughed for the first time. 

It had become a fantasy poem about laughter and life and flying. Focused on the joy of innocence and imagination and seeing the fairies no one else could. 

He heard Keith hum beside him now and then, a smile on his face as he leaned into Lance's shoulder. When he finished reading that poem, Keith took a deep breath and said, “That reminds me of one of my foster homes. They had three of us and they built this really cool fort outside for us to play. It was all slaying dragons and fighting monsters and… a lot of stuff I could never come up with now.” Keith shut his eyes again and waited patiently for Lance to decide if he wanted to read another. 

He flipped the pages, skipping over certain ones quickly. He glanced down at Keith, but his eyes were still shut. He read another, this one about baby birds taking flight from two points of view- one from the baby bird, the other as the mother. 

When he finished that one, Keith asked if he could open his eyes. Lance said yes and Keith looked down at the page, covered in Lance's scribbles, messy bird silhouettes, scratched out words, arrows pointing to where the next verse was supposed to be. His fingers hovered over the ink of the pen. “When did you write this one?” 

“Uh, some point after graduating high school.” Keith hummed and nodded. “Why?” 

Keith tapped on one of the verses, repeating it. “This line made it feel really human despite the birds. It made me think of a mom who didn't want to let go of their child.” Keith looked at him with a curious gaze. “Veronica mentioned you're first generation. Did your siblings stay home?” 

Lance chuckled and nodded. “Yeah. They moved in with a girlfriend or… well, Vero moved back in with them. But they're all still there. A ten, fifteen minute drive. And I'm…. Here. It's not too far, but…. It's away from them. And I know it hurt my mom to see me go. That's why I didn't apply to NYU, even though it was my dream school. I couldn't do that to her.” 

Keith stared at him with a solemn expression. It wasn’t pity; Lance could tell that much. But there was something in that look…. Something that grounded him, that made Lance feel like… like he was okay for a bit. There was something in Keith’s expression that made Lance feel real. 

Gentle fingers pressed against his cheek, so lightly it was like they were ghosting over the skin. “You have the biggest heart I’ve ever known, Lance.” 

Lance chuckled, a little disbelieving, but mostly flustered. Keith smiled at him, and the soft expression on his face made Lance’s heart feel like a hummingbird. “Ah, okay, let me see which other one.” Keith promptly closed his eyes again, leaning against him as he waited. 

Lance read him a handful of other poems- about anxiety, about growing up, about fears like death and being forgotten. He reached one that was particularly painful to read. The form of Apollo trying to heal a girl of multiple colors, blue and black and purple. Lance remembered crying as he wrote this one, fueled by anger and hurt and fear. And love. So much love. He tried to let that love seep through every word, tried to make it strong enough to heal. 

When he finished reading that one in a small voice, Keith took a shaky breath. “Lance? Who is that one about?” 

There was a beat before Keith looked at Lance, the hurt in the poem reflected in his eyes. Lance swallowed and shrugged. “Veronica.” 

Keith’s lips parted in surprise. “Veronica? She was…?” 

Lance nodded. “That’s why she moved back. Her boyfriend was a piece of shit and… she finally managed to get away from him. But she was scared of living alone.” Lance scowled as he thought back. “He was so good at putting up a face. Seeming like this really nice guy, really…. I remember laughing with him and my brothers and how we were all just…. I didn’t notice how different Veronica was starting to behave. How scared she looked all the time. Until I noticed the bruises. She couldn’t stop crying when she told me.” Lance felt his own voice break, and he blinked back the tears that stung his eyes even though it was so long ago. 

“Lance….” 

He sniffed and smiled. “I’m okay. And she’s okay now. It just… that’s my sister you know?” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and took his hand gently. He ran his fingers over the ridges of his knuckles and hesitated before talking. “Is that why… you were so freaked out about me hitting Roland?” 

Lance let out a humorless chuckle. “Yeah. Kind of. I’d seen his face then I saw your hands and I….” Lance shrugged, suddenly unable to form words. Words were his thing, and when he needed them most, he couldn’t find them. 

Keith brought his hand up to his lips and kissed it over and over and over. “I’m sorry.” 

Lance pulled his hand away to cup Keith’s face. “Hey. It’s okay.” He smiled and kissed him softly. “It's okay.” He took a breath and let it out in a nervous chuckle. Rereading these poems had opened up a part he wasn't fully prepared to have tackled. There were a lot of emotions swirling around in him, both old and new, and he felt tired. “Last one, yeah?” 

Keith nodded, interlocking their hands. The strength in his grasp steadied Lance and he flipped to a page he had dogeared the day he wrote it. The folded corner was nearly tearing away completely. 

“There is a psychic/ in my dreams,” Lance read. “Who likes to give me/ forbidden glances of things/ I shouldn’t know about. The future/ is exciting and horrifying/ but I never know/ it’s the future when I/ see it. Not until it’s too/ late. Which defeats/ the purpose, I think.// My psychic showed me/ my father in a hospital/ waiting room a week before/ my sister came down with the flu./ They showed me my aunt/ with a ring on her finger/ five days before she/ eloped. And most painful/ the one thing I knew was a glimpse/ of what was to come/ but didn’t have the courage/ to warn anyone about/ was the night my psychic/ showed me my mother bleeding/ in the bathroom./ Three days later she woke/ me up and said/  _ I have to go/ to the hospital/ something’s wrong./  _ I knew it the moment/ she got in the car with/ my father- the baby in/ her womb would not grow/ any bigger than/ the size of a bean.” 

“Oh my God,” Keith breathed out. He opened his eyes and looked at the page. “She...?” 

Lance nodded. “I was seventeen. It happened on Thanksgiving.” He shrugged. “We’ve always just called it  _ frijolito,  _ because we didn’t get a chance to know what it would be. I was still letting it process that there would be a new baby. And then suddenly, there wasn’t.” He sighed shut his journal. “I keep wanting to revise it, but I don’t think anything would fully grasp what that was like for all of us.” He took a deep breath and let out a nervous laugh. “There it is. My writing, some stuff about the things my family has gone through…. Some of the way my head works….” He shrugged again and looked down at his hands. “I know that was a lot.” 

Keith laughed softly and shifted to sit in front of Lance. “Yeah. It was.” He cupped Lance’s face with gentle hands so he could look him in the eyes. “And you have no idea how happy I am that you shared it with me.” Lance smiled weakly. He shut his eyes as Keith’s thumb caressed his cheek. “Thank you for trusting me that much, pretty boy.” 

Before Lance could answer, he felt Keith’s soft lips press against his own. It stole his breath away. It was far from being a heated kiss, but it still made Lance’s heart pound like crazy. Something about the gentle way Keith was holding him and the soft, certain way he kissed him, on top of all the emotions from reopening his poetry made Lance break. He felt tears slide down his face, hot and obnoxious, but he couldn’t stop them. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Keith whispered against his lips, swiping at the wet trail the tears left on his face. “What’s wrong?” 

Lance shook his head almost imperceptibly. “Nothing. I just missed you last night. I thought.… I was scared we were done.” 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I left like that.” Keith tilted Lance’s face towards him and wiped away the remaining tears. “I overreacted-”

“No, you didn’t,” Lance interrupted. “You were right. I just didn’t know it mattered. I didn’t realize…. I understand why you felt like… like I was hiding from you. I was. I just didn’t mean for it to come off as me not trusting you.” Lance bit his lip and took a breath. He looked into Keith’s eyes, hoping Keith would grasp the true weight of his words. “I trust you. And I need you to know… this thing we have is a huge deal for me. Not because you’re a guy, but because… I haven’t felt like this in a long time.” 

Keith smiled and bumped his nose against Lance’s, back and forth in a slow eskimo kiss. “This is a huge deal for me too, pretty boy.” Keith pulled him into another kiss, his hands slid to the nape of Lance’s neck. He pulled back, his eyes completely focused on Lance. “You’re a huge deal for me, Lance.” He kissed him again, ending it with another gentle eskimo kiss that left Lance blushing. “You’re beautiful, you know that? Your soul, your heart, you. It’s incredible.” 

Lance chuckled and wrapped his arms around Keith, pushing him back against the bed with his weight. Keith laughed and wrapped his arms around him too, cocooning Lance in his arms. 

They heard a high pitched barking, and they both peeked over the bed where Kosmo was pawing at the covers, barking up at them and pacing. “He can’t jump yet,” Keith explained. “You wanna bring him up here?” 

“Yeah. He won’t bite me will he?” 

“Nah, just don’t move too fast.” Lance nodded and reached out for Kosmo slowly. 

The puppy stopped pacing, instead sniffing at Lance’s hands and debating between walking away or staying put. When Lance grabbed him, Kosmo squirmed a little, trying to bite his hand, but then he stopped when he felt the bed. His tail started wagging and he hopped, like a baby goat along the bed. 

Lance laughed and pet the space beside him for Kosmo to jump over to him. Kosmo eyed him warily, freezing for a split second before spinning in a rapid circle and hopping from Keith toward Lance, falling on his side and pawing at Lance’s leg. 

“He’s so cute, oh my God. How did you find him?” 

“He was by a dumpster. I saw him sniffing around and he didn’t come near me until I coaxed him out. He had a collar, but when I tried to take him to the address there, he freaked out, so I kept him. We went to the vet today so he’s pretty healthy.” Keith reached out to pet Kosmo’s back. Kosmo began to wriggle and writhe among the covers, twisting this way and that. 

Lance put his journal on the bedside table before laying back down beside Keith. Sure enough, Kosmo hopped toward them and plopped down between their chests. Lance pet his head and leaned over to kiss Keith. Within a few seconds, Kosmo was moving and licking at their faces, making them split apart and laugh. 

“Kosmo is never going to let us kiss again, Keith,” Lance said with a laugh as Kosmo rested his head between theirs with a huff. 

Keith hummed and looked at Kosmo curiously. Then Keith shifted to pull himself over Lance, shielding their faces as he leaned down to kiss him. But the kiss was broken by laughter that couldn’t be stifled when Kosmo pounced onto Keith and pawed at his head. 

“Oh God, you’re right,” he laughed into Lance’s neck. 

Keith turned over, laying beside Lance as Kosmo pulled himself onto their chests, licking at their faces in turn. 

“Well, I’m glad he likes me at least,” Lance said as he shut his eyes when Kosmo licked at his face playfully. “I have a lot of homework to catch up on. The weekend flew away.” 

He felt Keith take his hand and squeeze. Kosmo had settled down, fitting himself in the nonexistent space between their bodies, his snout tucked under his tail. Keith began tracing patterns on the back of his hand. 

He turned his head to face him, only to find Keith already looking at him. For some reason, that made heat rush into his cheeks. “You want to come to my place to do it? I left all my stuff, and I have homework to do too. I can try to convince Shiro to make us food. You can spend the night too.”

Lance smiled and pecked his cheek. “That sounds like a plan.”

After a few more moments of procrastinating and recharging by simply laying down together, they decided to head back to Keith's. 

Lance felt better. About Keith, about where they stood, and even about himself. It had been a while since he'd read over his poems. Especially the older ones from when he was in high school. He loved the way Keith reacted to everything as he read, the way he kept his eyes closed because Lance had asked him not to read the others, the way he asked and talked about the poems after hearing them. 

He didn't talk about them the way Lance's workshop groups would, but that was expected. They were writers; Keith was not. But Keith still commented on the content, on the significance, on the parts he liked or that stood out to him. To Lance, that meant just as much. 

He hadn't realized Keith wanted to know all those parts of him. The anxious 16 year old struggling with algebra two, or the son who felt impossibly responsible for his mother's miscarriage, the 14 year old who was terrified of high school and the 17 year old who was afraid of leaving home. But now that Keith knew them, it was somehow that much more incredible that Keith liked him. 

As they remained idle at a stop light, Lance leaned over and kissed Keith's cheek. 

“What was that for?” Keith asked with a smile as his cheeks turned that wonderful shade of red Lance loved to see. 

Lance shrugged. “I really like you. Sometimes I can't believe you like me too. Kissing you randomly is a nice reminder that it's real.” 

There was no answer. Lance looked over at him, alternating between Keith and the road. His expression was the cutest thing Lance had ever seen. Wide eyes, lips slightly parted, rosy cheeks. The surprise was evident in every inch of his face. 

Keith interlocked their hands and chuckled. “You're so fucking cheesy, pretty boy.” Lance laughed as they pulled up to his driveway. When he turned the ignition off, Keith said, “You know, I can't believe it either sometimes. That you like me.” 

Lance smiled at him, and he put a hand against his cheek. “Oh, Keith…. I would kiss you but we both know someone's going to interrupt.” 

Keith laughed aloud, the sound hoarse and lovely. “Yeah, you're right. Come on.” They got out of the car and went inside. Shiro was lounging on the sofa and he arched an eyebrow when he saw Lance walk in. 

“Hey, Lance,” he greeted. “What's up?” 

“We're gonna do homework,” Keith answered. He let Kosmo go and the pup started running all around the house with no particular direction, zipping under tables and over chairs. 

Lance went to the dining table and set his stuff out as he waited on Keith to come back. 

When he did, Keith asked, “Do you mind coming to the backyard with me? I gotta take Kosmo out.” 

“Sure,” he answered, up for anything of it meant procrastinating a little longer. They got through the sliding doors with Kosmo zipping between Keith's legs to run out. 

Lance was staring at the empty scene, and how different it was in comparison to those parties he'd come to. Then his eyes drifted back to Keith who seemed lost in his thoughts. 

Lance grabbed his hand and tilted his head inquisitively when Keith's eyes met his. “You okay, babe?” 

He nodded, but he didn't smile. “Yeah. Just…. Since we're getting the arguments out of the way….” Lance frowned, his eyebrows furrowed together in wary confusion. “I gotta tell you something.” 

“Oh...kay?” Lance shifted and came around to face Keith. “Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah. It's just. I know you're gonna get mad.” Keith's words were making Lance's stomach twist uncomfortably. “Um. Don't jump to conclusions, okay? It's gonna sound bad, but I swear-” 

“Keith what the hell are you trying to say? You're freaking me out.” 

Keith sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “I'm sorry. It's just…. Okay. Friday night when I said I was staying home, I didn't stay because I was trying to see what Shiro thought of you. I stayed because… I got a call and a text from someone who needed help. It was an emergency.” 

“Well…. Why didn't you just tell me that? Who was it? Are they okay?” Lance asked. 

Keith clenched his jaw and looked away. “Because I didn't think you'd want me to help him….” 

Lance stared at Keith uncertainly for a while before it clicked. Keith was watching him, waiting for a reaction. Lance took a deep a breath and lowered his voice. “Was it Roland?” 

“Yeah. But-” 

“Keith, why were you even talking to him, I thought you hated him, you beat him up! What the hell was he doing talking to you, what did he even want from you?” Lance tried to reign his frustration in, but the more the information settled, the more questions popped up.

Like why did Keith wait to tell him? What did he do, and why did he do it if he thought it would upset Lance? Did he even have a right to be upset if they weren’t actually dating anyway?

“He needed a place to stay,” Keith said. Lance’s eyes went wide and Keith visibly slumped. 

“You… you let him stay over? How were you okay with that? How was Shiro?” After the way Shiro reacted to seeing Roland at Keith’s performance, he found it hard to believe they would’ve invited him into the house. 

“He doesn’t know!” Keith snapped. Lance stared, speechless. Too much of the situation was suspicious and wrong. But Keith had told him not to jump to conclusions. 

Lance took a very, very deep breath and rubbed his face with his hands. “You need to explain what the hell happened because right now my head is spinning.” 

Keith sighed and crossed his arms. “Roland called me that night. He said he needed help, that he had no one else to ask.” Lance started to interrupt, ready to say that he must have had plenty of other people besides Keith, and was Keith stupid enough to fall for a line like that, but he held his tongue. Keith gave him a tired look before continuing. “I knew Shiro would lose it if he saw him, so I told him to come around the back to my window.” 

“You… snuck him in… through your window? Like a fifteen year old with a forbidden boyfriend?” 

“Look, I’ve been the fifteen year old with the forbidden boyfriend so  _ don’t  _ even go there,” Keith hissed. Lance’s eyes widened in surprise. There was another one? “Yes, I snuck him in through the window. But…. Look, Lance, yes he’s an asshole, and what he did to me…. It still pisses me off when I think about it too much. But I’m also human. And so is he. And when I saw his face… it was hard not to feel bad for him Lance. And I don’t even know what happened, he didn’t want to talk, he just needed somewhere to stay.” 

“What are you talking about, what was wrong with his face?”  _ And why the fuck is it your problem?  _

“He was all beat up. Worse than anything I could’ve done. He couldn’t even open one eye, his clothes were all messed up, he was bleeding. He didn’t want to go to a hospital, and he was scared to go to anyone else because they’d ask questions.” 

“Why didn’t  _ you?”  _ Lance shouted.

Keith groaned and turned away. “I don’t know, Lance! Because it’s not my place. Because all I saw was someone who needed help, and I couldn’t turn him away and be okay with myself about it. I get what it’s like not to want to answer questions.” He turned back around and kicked at the ground. Kosmo had come back to dash between their legs. “All I did was try to fix what I could of his wounds and give him a place to sleep.” 

“Did he sleep with you?” 

“I’m not even sure in what sense you mean that, but no!” Keith glared at Lance, as if he had been the one harboring an ex. “He slept in my bed and I slept on my floor. He didn’t make any moves.” Keith stepped forward, reaching for Lance’s hands. “I told you it would sound really bad. And I know that. Sneaking him in, helping him, letting him sleep in my room. But nothing happened.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me this that night?” 

“I didn’t think you’d want me to help. I figured you didn’t need to know. Nothing was going happen, we’re not dating, so there was no reason to tell you.” Lance clenched his jaw and tilted his head to look at the sky. “I still wanted to tell you, though. Then…. Veronica came over, and I met her, and then you and me argued, and then we made up and you read me those poems and we talked and…. It just never seemed to be a good time.” Keith sighed and grabbed Lance’s chin with one hand to tilt his face, making Lance look at him. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I hid it from you.” 

The longer those violet eyes looked at him, the more Lance felt his resolve breaking. He sighed and touched Keith’s face lightly. “I wouldn’t have stopped you, you know? I wouldn’t have been happy. I probably would’ve gotten angry. But I wouldn’t have tried to tell you what to do. I know that’s not my place.” A small smile pulled at Keith’s lips. “Nothing happened?” 

Keith shook his head. Then he stopped abruptly, making Lance’s heart sink. “Actually he asked about you. He said he was happy someone was doing things right with me.” Lance arched an eyebrow, feeling relief flood through his body. “I don’t know how genuine that was, but yeah.” Lance snorted and shook his head. “So… are you still pissed at me?” 

Lance looked at him. His kind eyes, the nervous way he bit his lower lip, the way his hair fell in front of his eyes, the way the cold made the tip of his nose pink. He was beautiful. His heart was beautiful. It took a person with a big heart to be able to help someone who hurt them. Lance figured that said a lot of good things about Keith, no matter how much the situation frustrated him. Besides, Keith did tell him. Even though Lance would’ve probably never found out unless Roland said it to him or something, Keith decided to tell him the truth. That was also worth something. 

He tugged on a strand of hair that had fallen over the bridge of his nose. “Promise to tell me the next time you decide to sneak a guy in your window?”

Keith laughed and leaned forward to kiss him lightly. “I doubt it’ll ever happen again, but I promise.” 

“Okay,” Lance with a smile before he kissed him back, keeping him close. Kosmo was already jumping at their legs. He pulled back and looked at Keith curiously. “Um, so…. About that forbidden boyfriend?” 

Keith tensed and his smile became forced. “Another day, yeah?” 

Lance bit his lip and nodded, taking Keith into his arms instead. Whatever the case, Lance knew Keith didn’t have a good past with relationships. That was different now. Lance was different. He wouldn’t hide Keith, wouldn’t leave him, wouldn’t try to control him the way Keith seemed to unconsciously fear. Lance wondered if Keith even picked up on that in his own words. 

“No more arguments for the next four months,” Lance grumbled into Keith’s neck. 

“Why four?” Keith asked with a laugh, leading him back inside with Kosmo at their heels.

He shrugged and interlocked their hands. “I dunno, it was the first number I thought of.”

Before opening the sliding door, Keith regarded him with a strangely guarded expression. “You really think we'll still be with each other in four months?” 

“Of course I do.” Keith chuckled in a way an adult might when a 5 year old says they're going to marry their babysitter. Lance tugged him back and tilted his head. “You don't?” 

Keith's eyes widened as he blushed. “No, no, no don't take it that way,” he said hurriedly. “I just… haven't thought that far. I don't want to because then I'll have these hopes and plans and… I won't know what to do if….” 

“If things go wrong,” Lance finished. Keith shrugged and looked down. “Well… we've known each other for over a month. And these past few weeks with you have been amazing. I definitely see us reaching way past four months.” He tilted Keith's face up, surprised to find his eyes red and his jaw clenched so hard he could feel the tension just from where his fingers rested on his chin. “As long as we keep doing what we've been doing. Being honest and open and patient. Yeah?” 

A huff came out of Keith's nose as he blinked rapidly and nodded. “Let's take it all as it comes, okay?” His voice was low, measured. He pressed a kiss to Lance's cheek and gestured to the sliding door. “Come on. We've got homework.” 

Lance followed him inside without another word. He noticed Shiro glance over at them with a mix of curiosity and protectiveness. When his eyes caught their interlocked hands, he seemed to relax.

For a few hours, Keith and Lance went back and forth between actual homework and distractions. Then Shiro made some easy bake ribs and sat to eat with them. Lance wondered where Adam was, but he still felt like the whole dynamic between himself and Shiro was relatively new, so he didn't ask. 

Lance still had a lot of work to do after putting it off all week, and he knew Pidge would be berating him about it if she knew. Keith offered to stay up with him, but Lance knew he had early rehearsals, so he assured him it was fine. 

By midnight, Lance only had Kosmo for company and Keith was asleep on the couch, refusing to go to bed until he knew Lance would be too. Lance sat at the table, tapping his pencil against his reading with increasing indifference towards it. 

His mind drifted to Keith instead. To all those obvious leftover wounds and the resilience he embodied. Part of him wondered if he should have been offended at the fact that Keith still didn't think Lance would stick around, but that emotion just didn't register in him. Not after everything he knew about Keith. He couldn't hold it against him that he was still cautious. It wasn't like they'd been together that long as it was. 

From where he sat, he could see Keith's sleeping figure on the couch, with Kosmo curled up on the floor beside him. Snippets of phrases danced through Lance's head. He pressed his pencil to the white space on this reading, staring, thinking, words just out of reach. 

Then he sighed and put his pencil down. 

He couldn't do it. 

Instead, he gathered his things and packed them back into his backpack. He walked over to Keith, murmuring his name softly. Keith was a light sleeper, and it was easy to startle him when he was asleep, so Lance had to be careful. 

“ _ Principe… cariño,  _ wake up.” Keith furrowed his eyebrows and opened his eyes, dazedly. “Let's get to bed, babe.” 

Keith pulled himself up to sit and ran his hand through his hair. “Did you finish your work?” Lance smiled and nodded. “Mkay,” he said with a yawn. He took Lance's hand and scooped Kosmo up, despite his squirming.

Lance didn't even have to ask to know he wasn't going to be the little spoon that night. Kosmo had immediately taken the spot the second Keith laid down, a little furry spiral tucked against Keith's chest.

“You're lucky you're cute,” Lance said with a smile as Keith almost immediately fell back asleep. Sleepy Keith was one of the cutest things Lance had seen and paired with a tiny, clingy puppy, it was almost too much for him. 

He laid down beside Keith, wrapping his arms around him. Without missing a beat, Keith legs intertwined with Lance's and he took Lance's hand, tucking it into his chest so Lance could feel his heartbeat and the furry warmth of Kosmo’s body. 

Lance chuckled and skimmed his lips along Keith's cheek. “Even as the little spoon, you're a koala, babe.” Keith only hummed, probably not even conscious of Lance's words. Lance kissed his cheekbone and rested against the pillow with a tired sigh, holding Keith tightly. 

“I'm not going anywhere,” he whispered before finally letting himself shut his eyes. “You'll see.” 

***

The next morning, Lance woke up to Kosmo pouncing onto his stomach. He heard Keith chiding him in a whisper-shout, but it was too late. 

“What time is it?” Lance asked mid-yawn. 

“Early. Go back to sleep.” Lance grumbled and pulled himself up onto his elbows. “You don’t have to wake up, pretty boy. Kosmo just got excited because I’m taking him out before I leave.” 

“But I want a kiss goodbye,” he complained.

Keith laughed and leaned forward to kiss him lightly. “I’ll be right back okay? You want me to bring Kosmo back to sleep with you until you leave? You’ll just have to take him to the backyard before you leave so he has space to run around with his toys.” 

Lance nodded. “I can do that.” Keith nodded and scooped Kosmo up, heading out the door. He was gone for a while, with Lance forcing himself to stay awake. He could hear Kosmo barking from the window and Keith calling for him to come back inside. When they got back to the room, Keith placed Kosmo on the bed, and Lance patted the space beside him. “Come here, boy. Come on, Kosmo.” 

Kosmo leapt toward Lance, stumbling over the blankets and falling on his face, bumping into Lance’s torso. Keith laughed at that and watched as Kosmo sniffed at Lance and sat beside him, his tail wagging excitedly. He walked toward the bed and ran his hand through Lance’s hair, making him sigh. “Let me know when you get to class, okay? I’ll see you later.” He leaned down to kiss him, and to neither of their surprise, Kosmo started nipping at their faces. Keith chuckled and pet his head before standing upright. “Be a good boy, Kosmo. Keep Lance safe.” Lance snorted at that. Keith smiled and walked out of the room. 

Lance wrapped his arm around Kosmo and pulled him closer. “You’re warm, you know?” Kosmo licked at his face. Lance laughed sleepily, petting Kosmo absentmindedly. His fingers came across a few strange patches. Frowning, he used the light from his phone to check the puppy.

There were healed scars that interrupted his fur in a few places on his back. A few more on his hind legs. Lance’s eyes fell to the wrap that was around one of his legs and he scowled. “What’d they do you, buddy?” 

Unaware, Kosmo only wagged his tail and sniffed at Lance some more. He was so small and so cute, Lance couldn’t fathom someone heartless enough to hurt him. Especially to the point of scarring him or messing his leg up. Lance hugged him a little tighter and scratched behind one of Kosmo’s floppy ears. 

“You know, you’re lucky you found Keith. Probably the best human to have come across.” Kosmo’s head tilted to nibble at Lance’s hand with playful gentleness. “He’s pretty good at fixing up damaged things, you know. And he’s got a big heart.” Kosmo stilled when he managed a decent grip on Lance’s hand. “Silly pup. Come on, go to sleep for a few more hours, yeah?” 

Kosmo licked at his hand and Lance chuckled before pulling the covers up to fall asleep. 

When he had to wake up a few hours later, he got dressed and picked Kosmo up to take him outside. When he got back inside, he saw Shiro eating a bowl of cereal on the couch. 

“Oh. Hi.” 

Shiro smirked and waved, chewing through his cereal before answering. “You can relax, I'm not going to rip your throat out for spending the night.” Lance laughed awkwardly. He hadn’t really thought this through. It completely slipped his mind that Shiro would still be home when Keith was gone. “You can help yourself to whatever’s in the kitchen,” Shiro offered. 

“Oh, I’m alright. I don’t like eating breakfast during the week.” Shiro raised an eyebrow and chewed more cereal. “It just- It makes me nauseous. If I eat too early or… too- I don’t know I just end up waiting for lunch anyway.” 

Shiro laughed and shrugged. “You do you, man. Why did you leave Kosmo outside?” 

“Keith said to. He said he could run around there until he got back.” Lance scratched his head nervously, poking at the floor with his toes. 

Shiro set his bowl down on the center table and looked over at Lance, the amusement clear on his face. “You scared of me or something?” 

“Wh- no!” he shouted. Shiro’s eyebrows went up and Lance recoiled. “I mean- wait- it’s….” He sighed and gave him a shrug. “I’m not… scared of  _ you.  _ I just don’t… want to do anything to make you not like me. And sorry if I can’t get over the first impression I got of you where you were ready to wring me dry and throw me out of the house with a punt kick.” 

Shiro laughed and gestured to Lance. “Well, my first impression of you was you walking out of my little brother’s room with this cocky smile after-”

“Oh  _ my God, oh my God,  _ okay!” Lance blushed and wished he hadn’t said anything to begin with. But Shiro only chuckled with a genuine smile and a playful gleam in his eyes. 

“Look, dude. I’m not dumb. Keith’s an adult, he can make his own choices. I’m not under the naive impression that you two aren’t… y’know.” Lance groaned. “As long as you don’t break his heart, we’ll be good.” Shiro gave him a wide, cheeky smile. With a nervous nod, Lance started to walk across the living room to the hallway. Then Shiro’s voice stopped him, this time more hesitant. “And Lance….” He turned to look at him. The smugness was gone. He looked like he was debating whether he wanted to talk. “I don’t want to interfere with Keith’s relationships, and I don’t want to be the overbearing brother, but….” He let out a sigh and shrugged. “Be patient with him…. Please. The guys he’s been with before really fucked him over and messed with his head, so… he can be easy to….” 

Lance chewed his lower lip and nodded. “Easy to scare off?” 

“Something like that.” 

Lance nodded. “Yeah. I know. I mean, not everything, but… he’s told me some of it. Honestly I think he’s the one that should be more patient with me.” He laughed humorlessly as he thought of the surprise and confusion he felt when Keith got upset with him. “Things can kind of… pass over my head sometimes.” He shrugged again and met Shiro’s eyes. “But I have a good feeling about him.” 

He smiled back at Lance and nodded. “Good. I think he has a good feeling about you too.” The comment made Lance blush. He stood there for a moment, not really sure what to say. After a moment, Shiro laughed and gestured to the hall. “You can go now.” 

“Oh, thank God,” Lance breathed out. He dashed for the hall to get back to Keith's room. 

He noticed Stitch propped up in a corner. Just above was the corkboard of little mementos- movie tickets, wristbands, concert tickets… and a strip of photos from their day at the carnival. Lance smiled to himself and pulled them free of the wooden edge they were tucked into. He noticed something written on the back. 

_ Oct 19, 2018- second date w/ Lance, fav part: the way he kissed me in public _

Lance felt his face heat up and his heart pound ridiculously fast in his chest. He wished Keith were there next to him just so he could tackle him into a kiss. Lance looked over the corkboard, tucking the photos back in place. Sure enough, he saw the ticket stub from when they’d gone to see Bohemian Rhapsody. He unpinned it and turned it around. 

_ Oct 13, 2018- first date ever-nervous as hell, fav part: the guy made me laugh a lot… and the word “when”  _

Lance furrowed his eyebrows, not sure what that last part meant. But the little notes on the back were a little peek into Keith’s side of things, and it warmed Lance’s heart to see the way Keith treated these things. 

He wondered if he could get Keith to tell him what the rest of these things were memories of. Part of him wanted to flip all the tickets and wristbands over, but he knew that would be similar to Keith grabbing his journals and paging through them. So instead, he pinned the movie tickets back in place and turned to get dressed before he was late for his first class. 

Even as he was driving to campus, Lance felt like he’d been thrown for a loop after reading those notes. He felt like a marshmallow in human form. His heart would speed up with just the thought of Keith. Imagining him sitting to write those out, imagining him pinning them up… smiling at them when he saw them. 

He felt like a schoolkid with a crush, unable to focus in class and wanting to see him. It was one of the downsides of being at two separate college campuses. But that was fine because he’d have a chance to see Keith when he went to visit him after his dance practice. And he’d scoop him into his arms and kiss him, probably embarrassing him in front of the rest of the dancers, but that was fine, because Keith had never complained about it. He’d just laugh and blush and playfully shove Lance away before pulling him back with intertwined hands. 

God he was so completely enraptured by this guy. 

Time refused to hurry up. It felt like time had slowed down exponentially by the time Lance was through with his last class. He didn’t think Keith would answer a text since he was probably mid-rehearsal at the moment, so he figured they could eat together once Keith was out of rehearsal. He’d probably be thirsty though, so Lance picked up a bottle of iced green tea that Keith liked. 

When he reached the rehearsal space, he could hear the heavy bass of whatever song they were playing. He could hear laughter and singing. Lance opened the door and saw a bunch of the dancers in a circle, dancing to some song he’d heard on the radio on the way there. It didn’t seem to be part of their routine. 

Colleen was watching with amusement, and she waved when she saw Lance. He waved back with a bright smile and searched for Keith. 

He was standing against the wall, watching, but not watching. His eyes were fixed on the circle, but unmoving, not non-reactive. Like he was looking through them. 

Lance walked toward him, and only when Lance obstructed his view, did Keith react. “Hey, pretty boy,” he greeted, a small smile tugging at his lips. His eyes fell to the tea in Lance’s hand. “Oh thank God, I’m fucking thirsty.” 

Lance laughed and handed him the tea. “What’s up with the circle?” 

“They’re cooling off. Rehearsal’s done.” 

“And you’re not joining them? You okay, you seemed kind of out of it.” Keith hesitated, his eyes flitting away. Lance knew that habit. It was what he did when he didn’t want to talk about something. “Babe?” There had been too many revealed secrets over the weekend for a new one not to send Lance into a panic. 

“I’m okay. Just… worried.” 

“Worried? About-” Lance broke off, recalling their weekend confessions. He looked back at the group, eyes searching for that vaguely familiar head of dirty blond hair with a beanie. Lance had seen him at these rehearsals often enough to pick up on the style of clothes he used when rehearsing. 

Except he couldn’t find him. Lance returned his gaze to Keith. His face was red, his eyes on the floor. Lance noticed the clench of his jaw. 

“Roland didn’t come?” Keith’s eyes skirted along the floor. A slight shake of his head. Again, it was like he was waiting to be reprimanded. “And you’re worried about him.” There was a twitch in his cheek. 

Granted, there was a small part of Lance that felt aggravated. He didn’t understand how Keith could still care or worry about someone who had screwed him over the way Roland had. Simply recalling the things Keith had told him he said made Lance furious. But here was Keith, distracted, concerned, even guilty because of Roland. 

But the logical side of Lance, the side that knew Keith well and understood why he’d snuck the guy into his room even if he didn’t like the idea…. That part of him understood. And that part of him wanted to make sure Keith didn’t feel afraid to voice his concern. 

“We can look for him if you want,” Lance offered. 

Keith’s eyes widened, finally meeting Lance’s. “What?” Lance raised his eyebrows. “You… you’re not…?” 

“Mad?” Lance finished. He laughed and shook his head. “Keith, I’m not going to get angry with you for being a good person. Here, I know Hunk has him for class, I can ask if he’s seen him or knows anyone who has.” He pulled out his phone and sent Hunk a text. Keith stared at him, incredulous. 

“He hasn’t answered any texts. I dropped him off at a hotel, we should see if he’s still checked in there.” Lance nodded. “Are you… are you sure you’re okay with this?” 

Lance sighed and took Keith’s free hand. “ _ Principe.  _ I know you’re worried. I’m not gonna let you freak out alone. Besides, it’ll be easier to look with a car. And Hunk and Pidge can help; they know him.” He tugged at Keith’s oversized shirt. “You want to go change first?” 

Keith nodded and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah. I’ll be right back.” He pressed a kiss to Lance’s cheek then hurried out the door. It wasn’t how Lance had expected to spend the evening, but even he had to admit it was concerning the way Roland had disappeared off the face of the earth.

A message from Hunk came in. 

_ He wasn’t in class. His group says he wasn’t responding to texts either. Everything okay? _

Shit. 


	15. Addiction

It was hard to think. There were too many things to think about, all with their own trails of side thoughts. Keith tried to narrow his focus to the act of removing his dance clothes in favor of the clothes he’d worn all day, but the thoughts kept running like a minimized video tab. 

Where the hell was Roland? Just how much trouble had he gotten into if he just disappeared? Why did he feel so bad for caring about what happened to him? Why was Lance being so… nice about it? Even Keith was annoyed with himself for worrying so much about Roland, and here was Lance offering to  _ help  _ and it just…. It was all very confusing. 

Keith got out of his stall and went to the sink, pushing his hair back as he splashed water on his face to tether himself to reality. He let out a frustrated sigh and looked at his reflection in the mirror. Disheveled and frantic. Over Roland’s disappearance? Over Lance’s unexpected reactions? Who fucking knew anymore?

He dried his face with the horribly rough paper towels the campus offered then started for the door. The sight of it made him freeze. The very same spot where Roland had cornered him, used the same harmful words that terrorized Keith’s mind every day, however quiet or loud they might be depending on the day. The very spot they’d started fighting. Roland had called him a psychopath. 

Even so, Keith couldn’t muster up the indifference he partially wished he felt.

He left the bathroom and got back to their rehearsal room. Most of them were leaving, a couple stayed behind to keep listening to music and talk or stretch. Colleen was already gone. Lance was still in the same spot he’d left him, only now Alexa was beside him. 

Lance looked worried. As soon as Keith was within hearing range, Lance said, “Hunk and Pidge haven’t seen him on campus today. Hunk says he hasn’t contacted his group in class.” 

“What’s the big deal? He’s probably just playing hookie. He’s not really known for being responsible. That’s why you ended up as captain,” Alexa told Keith. 

Keith sighed and shook his head. “He was really messed up the last time I saw him. He didn’t want to go home or to any of his friends’ places. I don’t know who left him that way, but if he’s gone M.I.A since, that’s…. I just have a bad feeling.” 

“So… you’re gonna go looking for your ex-boyfriend with your new boyfriend,” Alexa said, looking between them. “This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Can I join?” 

Keith felt his face heat up, but he decided not to comment. “This isn’t a joke, Alexa.” 

She raised her hands in mock-surrender. “Sorry. But seriously, another pair of eyes could help.” 

Lance shrugged. “My car has space. Hunk and Pidge said they were going to the bookstore to study and they’d keep an eye out too. Pidge is also asking his friends if they’ve heard from him with a pretense of having him for a homework group.” 

“I can ask his girlfriend,” Alexa offered, pulling out her phone.

“Okay. Let’s check out the hotel. I swear to God if he just slept in, I’ll wring his damn neck.” He took Lance’s hand and they left the room. When they got to the car, Alexa slid into the backseat, asking for the aux cord as Keith pulled up the directions to the hotel for Lance to drive. 

“You mind putting on your seat belt? I get nervous about that,” Lance said, connecting the car Bluetooth to her phone. Keith glanced at the backseat and saw her sitting with her back to the car door, legs splayed across the seat. She grumbled and moved to sit behind the passenger seat properly as a some alternative indie song started playing. 

Keith tried calling Roland’s phone again as Lance started driving, but it went right to voicemail. “I don’t think he has any battery. It’s sending me straight to voicemail.” 

“Or he blocked your number,” Alexa said. “Aren’t you guys like enemies after the break up?” 

“It wasn’t-! Never mind. He didn’t block it,” Keith snapped. 

Lance looked over at him. “I thought you said you guys weren’t public.” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows as that sunk in. He turned around to face Alexa. “How did you know about me and Roland?” 

Alexa looked up with wide eyes, feigning innocence, and Keith had half a mind to kick her out of the car right there. She shrugged. “I’ve been in dance a while. I saw how dopey you got around him when you brought him into the group. Then I noticed the very obvious cold shoulder you started giving each other. And since then, I’ve noticed the way he looks like a kicked puppy around you.” 

Confusion swept over Keith, but he didn’t know how to voice it, so he just stared at her. He managed to condense it into a single word. “What?” 

She sighed and leaned forward. “It’s easy to figure out what happened between you two.” She lifted her phone. “Also, his girlfriend is apparently not even his girlfriend anymore. They broke it off a few weeks ago.”

Keith frowned. Roland hadn’t said anything when Keith brought her up the night he stayed. He turned back around in his seat and stared out the window. No one spoke until Lance had pulled into a parking spot at the hotel. 

Fighting the urge to avoid eye contact with Lance like he found himself doing earlier, Keith looked over at him to gauge his reaction to everything. He looked more serious than he usually did, but if he was angry or annoyed he wasn’t showing it. If he was rubbed the wrong way by Alexa’s little recap, he didn’t look it. Honestly, it made Keith nervous. 

“Do you know his room number?” Lance asked as they got off. 

Keith shook his head. “No. I just dropped him off.” 

“So for all we know, he could have walked in, waited for you to leave, then dipped,” Alexa said. 

“You’re not helping,” Keith said through gritted teeth. Alexa shrugged and followed them into the lobby. Lance gestured to the front desk. Keith sighed and walked up. A girl with tight bun of blonde hair and sharp cheekbones greeted him. “Um hi. I’m looking for someone who came to stay here over the weekend.” 

“Do you know their room number? I can direct you to where the room is,” she said. 

“No. No, I don’t. I know their name though-”

“I’m so sorry, sir, but I’m not allowed to divulge information on guests. If you know them personally, they can come get you or tell you their room number-”

“Yeah, I’ve tried contacting them, they’re not answering, that’s why I’m  _ looking  _ for them,” Keith snapped. The receptionist’s smile became a bit forced.

Keith felt a hand at his shoulder, squeezing gently. “Easy,” he heard Lance murmur. “Hi. I’m sorry, we’re just all a little worried. We haven’t seen our friend in a while, and we’re scared he might be in danger. I know you can’t give us information, but what can you do if we know his name?” 

She eyed them warily, like she didn’t trust them. “I can’t tell you names, room number, check in, or check out information.” 

“He didn’t ask what you  _ couldn’t  _ do he-”

“Keith,” Lance interrupted. Keith scoffed and clenched his fists. “Okay. Would you be able to tell us if he was here at all? No room number or phone or other information, just so we know if we’re in the right place?”

She hesitated before nodding. “I think so. But I can’t give you more information than that.” 

“That’s okay! We really appreciate it. His name is Roland.” 

The receptionist raised an eyebrow, waiting for the rest. Keith stammered and finished for him. “Roland Norman. If he checked in with his full name, it’s Roland Leonel Norman.” 

She typed and nodded. “Well, you’re in the right place.” 

“So.” Keith was slightly startled by Alexa coming up on his other side to lean against the counter. The receptionist looked like she was close to breaking her smiley front now faced with a third person. “You can’t give us information on him, but does that mean you can’t call up to his room to let him know we’re here? We don’t have any other way to contact him, and I don’t think it would be helpful to anyone if we just started knocking on all the room doors.” Alexa laughed, playing a small threat off as a joke. 

The receptionist’s smile was tight-lipped and a flush had made its way to her cheeks. Keith sighed and shut his eyes. “Miss, he’s been missing for a few days. We’re just worried. Could you call up to his room and tell him we’re waiting down here for him?”

She didn’t say anything. She just sighed and grabbed the black phone on the desk. Keith waited with bated breath before the receptionist hung up. “I’m sorry. There’s no answer.” 

“Okay. Um. Then whenever he comes back, could you just….” Keith grabbed a hotel business card and a pen from a cup on the counter. He wrote his number down and the words  _ call me asap -K.  _ “Give him this if he comes back? Please?” 

She took the card and nodded. “Sure thing.” 

“Thank you.” Keith turned away and the three of them started for Lance's car. 

Once they were buckled in again, Lance looked over at Keith with an arched eyebrow. “You're not happy.” 

Keith grimaced, staring at the dash and shrugged. “What if he hasn't been back to his room all weekend?” 

“Well, what else can we do?” Alexa asked, leaning forward to rest on the back of the passenger seat. “It's not like we can go check his house to see if he's gone there.” Keith raised an eyebrow. “Oh shit.” 

Lance let out a breath and turned the car on. “You know where his place is?” 

The discomfort in his voice made Keith cringe and panic. He didn't want to push his limits. They'd just gotten past two arguments over the weekend, he didn't want another. 

“Babe?” 

Keith looked back at him nervously. “You know what, it's okay. We can just wait to see if he calls me back or not.” Lance kept his gaze steady on him, uncertain and quiet. “Really, it's fine. Let's go back to campus so Alexa can get her car and I can get my bike.” 

Keith rubbed his face, hoping to wipe away the anxiety he could feel permeating his skin. Alexa gave his shoulder a quick squeeze before sitting back. Lance started driving. Keith tried to take a normal breath. 

When they got to campus, Alexa got out of the car and leaned down to talk to them before shutting the door. “I'll keep an ear out for any news from his friends. Let me know if you guys hear anything.” They nodded and then she turned her attention to Lance. “Nice hanging out with you. Maybe we can try again under less stressful circumstances.” She turned to Keith and winked. “He's a keeper.” 

Keith couldn't help but laugh. At the comment, at the way his own face heated up, at the way it sparked butterflies in his stomach, at the way it made things normal for a split second. 

“Bye, Alexa.” 

She waved and shut the door, heading for her own car.

“ _ Principe _ , why don't we get you some food before you get your bike? At least to go.” 

Keith shook his head. “Not hungry.” His stomach tightened in retaliation. “I have to feed Kosmo too, I should just get home.” He leaned forward to kiss Lance softly. Then he turned away to open the door, only to hear the lock click in place. A wave of panic swept over him for a split second before he remembered he was with  _ Lance.  _ Lance wouldn’t do anything to him. He turned to face those striking blue eyes with an annoyed scowl. “Lance, what the hell?” 

“Keith.” He arched an eyebrow in response and Lance tilted his head. Lance took a breath and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. 

“Lance,  _ what?”  _ Keith asked, getting more agitated by the second. 

“I’m sorry, it’s just- I’ve got a bunch of questions and I don’t know which one to ask first.” He let out a huff and then looked at Keith. “Part of me feels like if I let you go, you’re going to end up heading over to Roland’s place anyway. Am I right?” Keith stared at him wordlessly. “We said we’d be honest, Keith.” 

“I don’t know,” he answered. “I… I want to, but I don’t know if I should. Or I guess, I feel like I shouldn’t want to so I won’t, but I do want to so I might. Does that make sense?” 

Lance stared at the horn of his steering wheel. It was so rare that Lance had a solemn expression like the one he had now, that Keith couldn’t help but think of some carefully chiseled statue of mourning seeing him sitting there quietly. The sharp jawline, the long slanted down lashes the way the lowering sun accented the blue of his eyes, the smooth curve on the bridge of his nose and the high cheekbones that caught the shadows just right. He was so beautiful, it left Keith breathless when he stopped to really notice. 

“I’m gonna ask you something, and I want… I need you to be totally honest. Don’t spare my feelings, just, total honesty-”

“Lance, what the fuck?” Keith asked, short of breath as panic squeezed his chest. 

“Do you still like him?” 

It took a couple seconds for the question to fully register partially because Keith couldn’t connect the emotion of liking someone to anyone who wasn’t Lance, and partially because trying to associate Roland to the question felt bizarre. 

“No,” he answered resolutely. He narrowed his eyebrows when Lance looked at him dubiously. “Lance, I don’t like him anymore. I haven’t in a long time, okay?”

“Then why are you so jittery?” he snapped. “You don’t want to admit how freaked out you are, it’s like you’re hiding something, I just-” He tightened his grip on the steering wheel before letting it go and letting his hands drop in his lap. “Are you scared of me or something?” 

“What? No. No, Lance, not at all.” He hesitated for a second before reaching for his hand. He held it between both of his own tightly. “I’m scared of making you upset. Getting upset leads to fights and I don’t like fighting with you. I feel like I shouldn’t be so freaked out about this whole thing, and I… I’m scared that my being worried will make you mad or make you think I still like him like you just said you thought. And if I make you angry too often then….” He shrugged. 

A gentle hand tilted his face back up. “Keith… you shouldn’t be afraid of making me mad. I mean yeah, I’m a little uncomfortable with how Alexa brought it up or realizing that you know where he lives because you guys had a past, but…. Keith the guy is  _ missing.  _ You’d be heartless not to care. And I get that.” Lance stroked his cheeks with gentle fingertips. “So if you want to go to his house and check off all our bases, tell me that. We can go together, or you can tell me you want to go alone.”

For a moment, Keith couldn't breathe. This was unreal. Lance was unreal. Except he was right in front him. Right there with his worried eyes, the discomfort in the furrow between his eyebrows but honesty and affection in his eyes. 

No one had ever looked at Keith that way before. 

He swallowed and nodded. “Okay. Yeah. Let's go to be sure he's not there.” 

Lance nodded and pulled Keith's hands to his lips. “Okay. Just tell me where to go.” Lance shifted gears to start driving, keeping one hand in Keith's as he started guiding him. 

When they reached the house, Keith felt a wave of bittersweet nostalgia course through him. He remembered sneaking around the side of the house or stopping by two houses short to pick Roland up with his motorcycle. It was such a different time but at the same time it didn't feel so long ago. 

“Come on,” Keith murmured. They got out of the car and started for the front door.

“Is this his parents’ house?” 

Keith nodded. “Easier to live here. I'm campus housing is too expensive and he said it was closer to the school than other off campus housing.” Lance nodded and followed behind Keith as they went up to the door. Keith knocked a few times before stuffing his hands in his pockets. 

The door opened slightly, and a little boy peaked between the crack. “Can I help you?” he asked, sounding like he was getting over a cold. 

Keith smiled at the kid. He couldn't remember his name, but he knew he was Roland’s little brother. He'd met him once but only briefly when he tried following Roland one day that Keith came to pick him up, and Roland had to give him five bucks to go back and ten bucks not to say anything about the guy on the motorcycle. “Hey. Is your brother here?” 

The boy frowned and opened the door a little wider, looking back and forth between Keith and Lance. “Rolo?” 

Keith nodded, but then the boy jumped as another voice came from somewhere in the house. “Benny, why are you at the door?” The door opened wider as Benny was pulled back from view, replaced by a tall man with a striking resemblance to Roland only older with shorter, darker hair. His eyes fixed on Keith. “Who are you?” 

“Oh, I’m Keith. I’m friends with Roland, and I was-”

“Keith?” The way he repeated the name made Keith’s tense. There was venom seeping into his voice, and Keith could see the change in his face. “ _ You.  _ You’ve got some nerve coming here.” Before he could back up, the man had him by the front of his shirt. 

Keith pulled Lance behind him before he could interfere. “Get your hands off of him,” he growled. Keith took his hand, squeezing it lightly to calm him down. 

“I have nothing to say to you,” Roland’s father said. “Get the fuck off my property or I’ll grab my gun. I have every right-”

“Then let me go so I can leave,” Keith answered, his voice low and steady. The man gave him one more once over, face coated in disgust before shoving Keith back. Thankfully, Lance was right behind him to stable him. “Come on,” he said, tugging Lance along with him.

They hurried back to the car wordlessly. Lance drove off, with Roland’s father staring after them until they were out of sight. As soon as Lance got to the second stop sign, he parked the car on the curb and turned to Keith, his hands cupping his face. 

“Are you okay?”

Keith scoffed and nodded. “I’m fine, pretty boy. It’s okay. Good thing you came with me, huh?” he joked. But Lance didn’t even smile.

“How did he know you? Why did he-?”

“I don’t know,” Keith interrupted. “I’ve never met him. Let’s just….” He sighed, and pulled Lance’s hands away from his face. “I should get home to Kosmo. You’re welcome to come over.”

Lance nodded, still solemn. “We’re also getting you food. I’m starving, so I know you are too.” Keith nearly protested again, but his stomach growled and shut him up. 

They got back to campus so Keith could get his motorcycle. Lance offered to pick up the food and meet him at his house. He kept checking his phone, anticipating a call. It hadn’t even been an hour since they stopped at the hotel. As soon as Keith was inside, he opened the sliding door to the backyard and called for Kosmo. 

The puppy ran at him, immediately jumping at his legs and yipping. “Kosmo, you have a bad legs, don’t do that,” Keith chided with a smile as he picked him up. “You hungry?” Kosmo started licking at his face and Keith felt a little of the pressure and worries of the day ease up. There was something so comforting about Kosmo and how carefree he seemed. “Yeah, I missed you too, buddy.” 

About ten minutes later, after Kosmo had scarfed down his food, there was a knock on the door. Kosmo started barking at the door, his tail wagging rapidly. Keith had to pick him up to keep him from zipping out the door when he opened the door. The smell of the food in Lance’s hands hit Keith immediately, and his mouth started watering. 

Keith expected a kiss on the cheek like Lance always gave him when he greeted him. Instead, Lance started petting Kosmo. “Hey buddy! Did you miss me? Somehow you’re cuter than when I left this morning.” Lance looked back at Keith. “Any news by the way?” 

Keith shook his head. “No calls. No texts. And you didn’t give me a kiss.” 

“Wh- Oh!” Lance leaned into him as he shut the door with his foot, but Keith turned away, smirking.

“Nah, I don’t want it anymore.” 

“ _ Keith!”  _ Keith laughed at the pleading tone of his voice. “I brought you food,” he added in a sing-song. 

He bit his lip, looking at Lance’s cocky little smirk. With a roll of his eyes, Keith shrugged. “Okay, okay.” Lance grinned wider and pulled him into a kiss, and whether it was dizzying because it was Lance or because he was hungry, Keith wasn’t sure. But it was wonderful. 

Lance nipped at his lower lip playfully before pulling away. He lifted the Taco Cabana bag. “Come on, let’s eat before the food gets cold. Where’s Shiro? I brought him a plate too.” 

_ Cute, cute, cute.  _ “He doesn’t get home for about another hour. I’ll put it in the microwave for him.”

The way Lance ate was almost amusing. He ate much faster than Keith, even if he was talking. But Keith noticed he ate in sections. He scoop up a spoon of rice, then a spoon of beans, take two bites from his tacos, and repeat the process. After about four of those, he’d reach for his drink. Keith wondered if he even noticed it. 

“What?” Lance asked when he was close to finishing, and Keith was still halfway. 

Keith shrugged and smiled. “Nothing.” Lance narrowed his eyes. “You only have one dimple. And sometimes it’ll show while you talk. Because you kind of smile while you talk. It’s cute.” Lance’s expression changed, not quite sad, but the smile was gone. “What? What’d I say?” 

The corner of Lance’s mouth quirked up. “Nothing, babe. I just always get thrown for a loop when you mention my dimple.” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “Why?” 

“I don’t-” He cut himself off and shook his head, smiling. “It’s hard to explain. But I think it’s cute that you pay that much attention.” Keith blushed and lowered his gaze to his food, a small smiling tugging at his lips. 

Lance got up to throw his trash away stopping to press a kiss on the crown of Keith’s head. Blushing further, Keith curled into himself and poked at his food. 

Before Lance could sit down, Keith heard a buzzing sound. He looked over at Lance’s phone, lighting up with Pidge’s picture. “Lance, your phone.” He grabbed it and held it out for Lance as he returned to grab it and answer. 

“Hey, what’s up? Wait, what?” Lance grabbed Keith’s shoulder. “No yeah, we’ll be over in a bit. Tell him not to go anywhere.” He hung up and pulled out his keys. “Pidge and Hunk found Roland at the Starbucks by the library they study at.” 

“Is he okay?” Keith asked as he stood to follow. 

“Yeah, I think. Pidge just said he looks beat up, but you already said that. They’re with him right now. Come on, you can bring Kosmo.” 

Keith nodded and put the leash on Kosmo before following Lance back out to his car. He sent Shiro a text as Kosmo settled happily in the space at Keith’s feet and Lance started driving. 

_ Running errand w/ Kosmo & Lance. Food in microwave. _

He put his phone and tried to tell himself he should be calm now. They’d found Roland, and he was okay. He didn’t have to be so anxious anymore. The jittery feeling in his muscles refused to leave, though, and they only worsened the closer they got to Starbucks. 

Hunk noticed them through the window when they arrived. Lance pointed at Kosmo, and Hunk gestured with a nod of his head. Roland turned, wearing the clothes Keith had let him borrow. His entire body tensed at the sight of them, but he stood when Pidge and Hunk did to come outside. Kosmo started barking at them, his tail indecisive about whether he wanted to play with the strangers or defend against them. 

“Hey, who’s this little guy?” Pidge asked, falling to her knees and holding out her hand for Kosmo to sniff at. 

“Keith rescued him. His name is Kosmo,” Lance answered. Hunk knelt down to pet him as well. Roland was standing a few feet away. Lance offered a smile and a wave. “Hey, man.” Roland gave him a terse nod. 

“What are you doing at Starbucks?” Keith asked, figuring there was no point dancing around things. He’d been worried about him since he didn’t show up to the morning practice.

“Just wanted to be out of the hotel room,” he answered, tugging at his beanie. He was looking between Keith and Lance then Pidge and Hunk who were still playing with Kosmo. “Why are you looking at me like that?” 

“Because I was worried!” Keith snapped. Lance grabbed his arm. He took a breath and rubbed his neck. “You didn’t show up and you haven’t been answering anyone. No one knew where you were, and the last I’d seen you, you were all beat up!” Roland’s good eye widened, flitting to Lance in a momentary panic. Keith scoffed. “He knows you stayed with me.” 

Roland’s face turned bright scarlet. “I don’t have my charger. And I can’t buy a new one because the hotel is taking up all my paycheck. I don’t want anymore questions about my face at school, and I don’t want to be showing up in the same two changes of clothes. I didn’t think it’d be such a big deal.” 

Lance chuckled softly. “You went off the radar completely. Could you really blame Keith for practically arranging a manhunt?” Roland furrowed his eyebrows and crossed his arms. Lance cleared his throat and turned to Keith. “Hey, we’re gonna go inside, okay? You should talk to him.” Lance squeezed his hand, and ushered his friend to stand and go inside. 

Keith looked at Roland, waiting for him to say something. But he didn’t. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” 

Roland looked down at Kosmo who was sniffing his shoe. “Maybe if you explain the dog.” 

Keith scoffed and moved over to one of the outside tables to sit. “I found him near a dumpster. He was hurt and he liked me so I took him home. I've only had him for two days.” Roland chuckled. “Your turn.” 

He sighed and leaned back in his chair. “What do you want to know, man? If anything I have way more questions because nothing makes any sense.” Keith frowned, and Roland shook his head as he looked away toward a random parked car. “Why are you dragging your boyfriend around to look for me? After everything-”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Keith clarified. Roland rolled his eyes. “Look, I know we’re not friends. But you think I’d be okay with the idea of you showing up dead or something?” Roland looked back him, eyes wide in confusion. “You didn’t tell me who hurt you, and then we couldn’t find you, sue me for assuming the worst.” 

“Jesus.” 

Keith shook his head and stared at him. Roland wouldn’t meet his eyes. He seemed resolute in not saying anything. “Who hit you?” Keith asked. His jaw clenched, but he only gave a half-hearted shrug. “Was it your dad?” No reaction. “What did you tell him about me?” This time, his eyebrows knitted together, but he still wasn’t looking at Keith or talking to him. “He seemed to recognize me. My name at least.” 

“ _ What?”  _ Roland finally turned to him, shock clear in his eyes. “What do you mean? How did you- No. Tell me you didn’t go looking for me at my house, Keith.” 

“What was I supposed to do?” Roland stood up and turned away, his hand gripping his hair. Kosmo, startled by his sudden movement, barked at him. “Roland, why won’t you tell me what happened?” 

“Because there’s no point, Keith! Nothing’s going to change, it doesn’t matter!” Roland turned back to him, frustration clear in the tension of his body and anguish clear in his features. “It won’t change things at home, it won’t change things with me, it won’t change things with you.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

Roland remained quiet as he slumped back down in his seat and covered his face with his hands. “Why do care so much?” he asked after a while, moving one hand to his forehead. “You shouldn't care.”

“I care because… I don't know. I can still remember all the good things you did too. Like the time you went to each Toys R Us in the city until you found the toy Benny wanted for his birthday. Or when you spent your last five bucks on a sub and then ended up giving it to a homeless lady under the freeway.” Roland clenched his jaw and kept his gaze on the table. It was true. Roland was kind, which was what made everything he did that much more painful and confusing for Keith. “Maybe you weren't a good person to me, but you are good, Rolo. And no one deserves to be treated the way you've been.” 

The nickname made his eyes finally meet Keith’s. He scoffed and shook his head. “Always looking for the best in people.” 

Keith winced at the comment. He hadn't been too good about that since Roland. He shifted, wrapping Kosmo’s leash around his hand to keep him closer. 

“What'd my dad say to you?” 

“That I had some nerve showing up. Then he threatened to shoot me.” Roland rolled his eyes. “Gotta love living in Texas.” 

“You shouldn't have gone there.” 

“He's the one who did this to you, isn't he?” 

He scoffed and tugged his beanie down. “Big surprise, huh? Kid gets beat up by his homophobic dad.” 

Although Keith had managed to gather the clues for this theory to be the truth, it didn’t change the shock he felt. He couldn’t imagine his foster dad hurting him or hurting Shiro for who they liked. Sure, it wasn’t ideal for them; they’d wanted their sons to take wives and have children, but…. The Shiroganes loved them. Accepted them. Supported them. And Roland was walking evidence of a horrifying alternative that Keith often forgot existed. 

“How did he even find out?” he whispered. 

Roland put his face in his hands. “This is why I didn’t want to tell you.” There was a long, silent pause. Keith wondered if Roland would even say anything. Then he took a breath and crossed his arms, keeping his eyes on Kosmo who kept sniffing at cracks in the ground. “I left my laptop on in my room. I’d left just to run a quick errand for my mom after I got home, but it took longer than….” Another brief pause. “By the time I got back, he’d seen every message. I don’t even know why he was in my fucking room, he just-” Roland sniffed and looked up, trying to keep his emotions in check. “I didn’t even get a chance to say anything he just… went for it. He didn’t even care that Benny was by the stairs….” 

Keith reached forward to place his hand on his shoulder, hoping to be some form of reassurance, but Roland twisted away. Keith pulled his hand back. 

“Don’t. I don’t deserve your sympathy.” 

“Ro-”

“The messages were about you,” he spat out. “That’s how my dad knew who you were.” Keith stared at him, confused. Roland still wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I was… I was asking Alexa about the competition coming up, but the messages we had before were about you. I was… asking for help.” 

“Help?” 

Keith could see his face turning red before he continued. “This… before you started seeing what’s-his-face. I wanted to try to talk to you again, be friends. But I knew you hated me, and since you were paired with Alexa, I figured she was my best bet in figuring out how to approach you.” 

Suddenly, it made sense that Alexa knew so much about them. Sure, their sudden dislike for each other had been obvious, but Keith had been so careful not to let others know they were a thing. He’d been careful because Roland asked him to. He told her about it. 

“She said she could try to get you to talk to me, but didn’t make any promises, and that you guys were more dance partners than friends anyway.”

Keith scoffed and tried to reign in his frustration. “If you wanted to be friends, why did you say the things you said in the bathroom?” he muttered. 

“I was being selfish. I’d heard about you with some guy at the last party you threw and…. I knew if I said…. I’m sorry, Keith. It doesn’t make it right, I know that, but… I was hurt and I was so tired.” His voice cracked and Keith watched as he covered his mouth before taking another breath. “In my head, I thought we could be friends. And then we’d graduate and I’d get to leave home and… and I could try again. Do things right with you. But you… you moved on.” Roland scoffed and gestured vaguely. “And he’s fucking perfect. The way he treats you, the way he looks at you, and now he’s helping you find  _ me?”  _ Roland buried his face in his hands again, his entire body tense. Keith felt a knot constricting his throat. “I knew I’d have no chance, and it hurts…. It hurts to see someone giving you what I could have if I wasn’t so….” He sighed. “I wanted to hate you, Keith. I knew if I said… the all the wrong things you’d snap. But I just felt worse and then the look on your face…. I’m sorry, Keith, I’m so sorry for everything I ever said to you-”

“So you figured fucking with my head would help you in the long run?” Keith asked with a scowl. “That’s some fucked up, twisted logic, Roland.” 

“I know,” he answered in a small, broken voice.

Part of Keith wanted to scream at him. To tell him he had no right admitting he’d wanted to be with Keith this whole time. He wanted to tell him off for everything he’d said when he left and in the bathroom. He wanted to throw every horrible thought and sleepless night spent crying over him in his face. 

But he looked so small and broken sitting there. He was curled into himself, in stained clothes that weren’t going to be enough for the weather pretty soon, and he had no place to go back to. He was already in so much shit, and after what his father had done to him…. Keith didn’t want to add to that. 

“You could have told me from the start. You could have told me what your dad would do if he knew. Told me you wanted to wait instead of telling me I tricked you-”

“I know that, Keith,” Roland answered, finally looking at him. “It didn’t feel that easy. I know you. Look at you, you’re with someone new and you’ve had everyone looking for me. What would you have done if I’d told you the real reason I couldn’t be with you? Knowing you, you’d have asked me to move in with you and Shiro or maybe just said you were fine with hiding it from everyone, but I know you wouldn’t have been.” Roland laughed humorlessly. “I mean look at you now. This guy… he does everything you always wanted. You’re happier with him than you ever were with me.” Roland shrugged and looked away again. “I’m just too late.” 

It was quiet for a while again. Keith still absorbing the information, and Roland dealing with the emotional repercussions of his confession. After a while Roland asked, “Did you see Benny? Is he okay?” 

“Yeah. He opened the door. It just sounded like he had a cold.” 

Roland nodded, tears filling his eyes. “He’s been sick since last week. We were supposed to watch Laika movies all weekend.” He wiped at his eyes, wincing when he touched the swollen one. 

Keith couldn’t help but feel his heart break further for Roland. “You could file against your dad,” he offered. “You might get custody of your brother, you’re old enough.”

Roland shook his head. “He’s not a bad man, Keith. He’s done his best ever since my mom got sick. He’s never hurt us.” Keith looked at him dubiously. “I mean it. Not until now. I couldn’t put my mom through that. Or Benny.”

“He hates gay people so much that he’d change into a completely different person because of it?” Keith asked, with distaste in every word. That look in the man’s eyes when Keith stopped by the house and said his name was heartless. Keith couldn’t believe him to be a good man. 

“You don’t get it,” Roland said. “My dad was always the prime example of what a father should be. In every aspect. He’s  _ good,  _ it’s just….”

Keith took a deep breath. He didn’t want to claim he knew Roland’s father better than Roland, but he found it hard to believe the man who had threatened to pull out a gun could be a prime family man example. His opinion wasn’t what Roland needed right now, though. 

“Okay. So what are you gonna do now? You can’t stay at the hotel, and you can’t go home. I can’t keep sneaking you into my house.” 

Roland shrugged. “I don’t know. All my other family is out of the city, and I can’t drop out of school when I’m so close to finishing. And I don’t want to leave Benny or my mom behind, but I don’t know how….” That seemed to be his breaking point. He hunched over and broke down, shocking Keith, and even making Kosmo perk up in concern. “I feel like I lost them,” he cried. “I don’t know how to fix any of this, and I don’t know what to do, Keith.” 

Keith immediately moved from his chair to kneel in front of him. “Hey, this isn’t your fault. And you’re not on your own, okay?” Keith glance into the cafe, noticing Lance, Hunk, and Pidge looking at them worriedly from inside. “Can I get the others to come out here?” Roland shrugged, sniffing into his sleeve. Keith motioned for them to come back, and the three of them immediately stood up. 

“What happened?” Hunk asked. 

“We need to come up with some kind of plan. Roland’s got two changes of clothes, he can’t go home, and he can’t stay at a hotel without ending up broke. Have you even eaten today?” Roland stared at Keith mutely. “Oh God.” 

“Chick-fil-A is right here,” Lance offered. “Do you want something from there?” 

“No, it’s fine,” Roland said resolutely. 

“I’ll go with you, Lance,” Pidge said. “We’ll bring you a sandwich and what, a lemonade?” 

Roland seemed to hesitate, but eventually, he nodded. “Thanks….” 

“We’ll be right back.” Lance started walking with Pidge at his heels. 

Hunk pulled a chair over from the other table and sat down. “Hey, dude. If you need a place to stay, my place is available. I’m not in there much unless Pidge or Lance are over, so you won’t be in the way or anything. I’ve got an air mattress that’s pretty cozy. Hungover Lance and Pidge can vouch for it.” 

Roland let out a small laugh at that. “Are you sure?” Hunk nodded and Roland tugged at his beanie. “Thanks…. I… really appreciate it.” Hunk offered him a kind smile, but Roland was already looking down at the ground. “I’ll, uh, look for a place of my own to stay at. I’ll have to get another job to afford it, but at least until I graduate.”

Keith wished he could help more, but there was only so much he could do at the point they were at. A few silent moments later, Lance and Pidge came back with the food. Pidge handed over the bag and the drink, and Roland couldn’t even bother to pretend to hesitate. He thanked them again and immediately started stuffing his mouth with fries. 

Meanwhile, Lance offered Keith an ice cream cone which had Kosmo pawing at his leg for a taste. “What’d we miss?” Lance asked. 

“Roland can stay with me for a while,” Hunk answered. 

“Uh. I’ve got some clothes I don’t wear much if you need it,” Lance said awkwardly. “Since you can’t go home to get your own.” 

Keith noticed Roland try to keep his face passive, but the offer even made Keith cringe. His mouth was full of food, so the tension stretched out for a while until Pidge said, “My brother has some clothes too. He’s about your size.”

Roland chewed and cleared his throat. “Thanks. Both of you.” He looked down at the ground, sandy hair shielding his bruised face. “You should find someone else to pair with Erika. If you find someone now, they can learn in time for competition.” 

Keith frowned and sat back down. “Wait. You’re leaving the group?” 

Roland looked back at him, moving for more food. “I need another job, Keith. I can’t have two and get my school work done and put enough time into dancing. I don’t have a choice.”

Keith couldn’t say much to that. The whole thing was a difficult situation. The silence settled over them. Roland worked on finishing his food. Keith stared at his hands, still thinking about everything Roland had said and everything happening now. Hunk and Pidge distracted themselves with Kosmo to keep from dealing with the awkwardness of the air around them. Meanwhile, Lance was facing it head on.

He kept shifting from foot to foot, placing his hand on the back of Keith’s before letting it awkwardly slide off. His eyes kept flitting around. Part of Keith wanted to take his hand and try to calm him down. The other part felt like that would be insensitive to Roland after everything he’d just told Keith and everything he was going through. 

Once Roland was done with his food, Hunk said, “If you want we can stop by Matt’s place to get some clothes. That way I can get you settled at my place.” Roland nodded. “We’ll bring the car around.” 

Keith zoned out as Hunk and Pidge said bye to Lance, and he was only vaguely aware of a goodbye said to him. He managed a feeble wave before they left to the other end of the parking lot. 

“You wanna get going too?” Lance asked under his breath. Keith nodded as he stood, feeling heavier and heavier the more everything looped in his head. 

“Uh, Keith?” Keith and Lance turned to look at Roland. He looked embarrassed. “Uh. I just….” Roland’s eyes drifted over to Lance. 

For a moment, Lance looked between them. Then he said, “I’ll wait for you in the car.” 

Keith nodded, watching him go. The tension was clear in his shoulders, and Keith wished he could make it disappear. He turned back to Roland, fiddling with the leash in his hands. “What is it?” 

Roland stood up and took a long, deep breath. “Thank you. For looking for me. Worrying about me. If you hadn’t, I don’t think anyone else would’ve. I know… after everything… I don’t deserve all this help you and your friends are giving me but-”

“Hey, no worries. It’s cool. Really. Just don't disappear again, alright?” 

Roland scoffed at that and shook his head. Then, before Keith could react, Roland had his arms around him, hugging him tightly. Kosmo started yipping at their legs. 

His hold was tight. His hands grasped onto the fabric of Keith’s jacket. His head fit neatly in the crook of Keith's neck, like it always had. And maybe Roland needed the hug.

But it was becoming too much for Keith. He knew in his gut that the hug had more layers to it for Roland. It didn't feel right. Not anymore. Keith had his answers now which was ironic because he didn't need them or want them anymore. He only hoped that maybe Roland could do things right for someone else. Or at least for himself. 

He pulled away from him gently and gestured with a tilt of his head. “Hunk’s pulling up. Expect a lot of messages when you charge your phone up.” He stepped back and smiled, however forced. “Bye, Roland. See you at school.” 

Roland nodded and waved feebly before heading to the car that was idle along the curb. Keith bent over to pick Kosmo up and rushed to get to the warmth of the car. That ice cream cone had only made him colder. 

As soon as he got inside, the unease was palpable. 

The car was started. The radio was on low volume. Lance wasn’t moving. He just stared out the window, like he was looking in his rearview mirror. 

“Can you say something?” Keith asked through a sigh. 

Lance looked over at him, and Keith realized just how much he hated not seeing that dimple on his right cheek. He hated the way his eyes seemed to dim when there was something wrong. Lance managed an empty smile. “So that’s the guy that broke your heart.” 

“I’m over it,” Keith insisted, knowing that his tone was verging on defensive. “Lance, I meant it when I said I don’t like him anymore.” 

“I know, I know. I believe you,” Lance answered, leaning forward to rest his head on the steering wheel. “I just…. The whole thing is fucking with my head. Now he’s staying with Hunk, and I kind of want to know what you talked about, but I don’t want to be  _ that  _ guy, y’know?” 

Keith smiled and reached over to run his hands through his hair before resting his hand on the nape of Lance’s neck. “Look at me, pretty boy.” Lance turned his head, and Keith urged him away from the steering wheel. He placed his other hand on his cheek and pressed a light kiss to the corner of his mouth. “He didn’t say anything that changes what’s happening between us.” He pressed a kiss to his jaw. “I’m sorry I pulled you into this.” Lance shook his head, ready to say something, but Keith stopped him by pressing a kiss against his lips. 

He wanted to reassure Lance, wanted to make sure he knew how much Keith liked him. He wanted Lance to know how happy he was with him. Even though he couldn’t figure out a way to voice it, he could show it. 

When he pulled away, he could feel Lance’s warm, uneven breaths against his lips. He skimmed the features of his face with a level of adoration he hadn’t felt in a long time. For the long lashes that fanned out considerably with his eyes shut. For the little freckle just beside his nose, barely noticeable from far away. For the way he bit his lip. And when he opened his eyes, for the pretty blue they were as they looked at him in that way that reduced Keith to a puddle. 

“God if you knew the effect you had on me, Keith,” Lance murmured softly, nudging his nose against Keith’s.

The words left Keith’s cheeks burning, and he chuckled into the crook of Lance’s neck to hide his face. He felt Lance’s fingers brushing through his hair gently, soothingly. “What do you say we go back to your apartment and watch Shrek on Netflix?” 

Lance gasped and pulled back, his whole face lighting up. “Really?” Keith nodded, laughing at his enthusiasm. “You remembered how much I like those movies?” 

Keith scoffed at that. “Babe, you know most of the script to the second movie.” Lance rolled his eyes. “Besides, I think we could both use a destressor today, yeah?” 

“Yeah. That sounds perfect.” 

Keith smiled at him and waited for him to pull out of the parking lot before taking his hand over the glove compartment in the center. 

When they got to the apartment, Keith removed Kosmo’s leash to let him roam free. He sent Shiro a text to let him know he was at Lance’s, then he went to sit on the couch as Lance scrolled through Netflix. 

Once he got the movie to start playing, Keith spread his arms. A smile spread on Lance’s face as he took his spot nestled up against Keith’s side. He could feel Lance relax as his arms wrapped around him. 

Keith had never been a fan of Shrek. He’d watched the movies and he didn’t mind when they were on, but he didn’t care for them. At least not until now. Because now, he got to see the way they made Lance laugh and he could hear the soft whispers of Lance mumbling the lines he knew or singing along to the songs on the soundtrack. He enjoyed hearing Lance say something about a particular scene or line, especially the ones he thought were romantic. Keith would watch these movies forever if it meant watching Lance react to them. 

By the end, Lance was joining in on a rendition of  _ I’m a Believer  _ that had Keith laughing until his stomach hurt. 

“You’re adorable,” Keith teased. Lance rolled his eyes, but the blush in his cheeks gave him away. “Hey.” Lance hummed and let his eyes drift back to him. “Thanks for today. For being so patient and… understanding about everything. And I’m sorry if some stuff made you uncomfortable….” 

“It’s not your fault,” Lance answered, just as softly. His hand came up to Keith’s cheek, his thumb brushed gently along his cheekbone. Such a soft touch Keith didn’t know he could want so badly. “I was just scared of losing you.” 

Furrowing his eyebrows, Keith stared back at him. “Losing me?” 

He nodded and shrugged. “I was just… scared that maybe you still liked him. That by him talking to you again, you were realizing it. Seeing the way he looked at you or the way he hugged you made me think….” He shook his head and shifted to face Keith better. “Keith… I haven't felt like this about someone in a long time. You're a big deal for me, you know? Just like I know he was a big deal for you-” 

Keith put a finger to his lips to stop him. “You really don't realize it?” Lance frowned, his eyes flitting down to the finger at his lips. “ _ You  _ are a big deal for me, Lance. Everything about what we have has been different. I still don't fully know what to expect with you and I still panic sometimes thinking I'll do or say something that'll make you want to go away.” Lance sighed and took the hand at his mouth in his own. He turned Keith's palm toward him and kissed it softly. “What I had with Roland was a mess. What I have with you? It's been so much better and I'm not going to give it up.” 

A softness fell on his features. Keith leaned forward, kissing him hesitantly. It was hard for him. He didn’t like being so open. It had backfired before. It’d been used against him before. He gave his all to people, and often times it left him drained. Keith knew he was risking a lot by voicing what he felt to Lance. 

But that look in his eyes…. Keith needed it to disappear, needed Lance to see he was planning to stay. 

He nudged Lance back slowly until he was laying on the couch. As Lance fixed the awkward position of his legs, Keith settled over him, one hand caressing and holding Lance's face at the same time. 

There were so many things he wanted to say, he just didn't know how. There was so much he wanted to  _ express,  _ and he was at a loss for the right words. Part of Keith was afraid to even search for them, afraid of the vulnerability they would entail. He hoped that maybe instead he could just put it across with action.

That with every kiss Keith trailed down the side of his neck, Lance would know it was Keith's adoration. That with the way he intertwined their hands together, Lance would know it was Keith trusting him. That each impatient grind of his hips and nip of his teeth against the sensitive skin of Lance's throat was Keith's need for him. 

He hoped Lance realized how drastically different this was for Keith. Especially compared to the past year. 

Soft, warm breaths slipped past Lance's parted lips, quick and short. His free hand held Keith's side as he leaned his head to expose his neck further. 

Then suddenly there was a bark at his ear and the light scratch of a claw on his shoulder. It made them both start for a moment before dissolving into a fit of laughter. 

“What's up, buddy? You wanna give me affection too?” Lance asked. Kosmo barked and tried jumping onto the couch to no avail. He settled for pawing at them and Lance smirked up at Keith. “Apparently you've got competition, babe.” 

Keith rolled his eyes and kissed his cheek before dipping toward his ear. “You know, he can't reach the bed.” 

Lance hummed, stifling a moan as Keith bit and tugged at his earlobe. “Yeah, that sounds like a plan,” he said quickly. He nudged Keith off of him him so he could get up. 

Keith couldn't help but laugh at Lance's enthusiasm. Their legs tangled and stumbled as they walked down the hallway until they got to Lance's room. Keith laid him down again and moved to lay over him. He kissed him slowly, playfully at first. With a few nips to his lower lip and chaste kisses between fits of laughter and soft smiles. 

He felt Lance's hand come up to the side of his neck. He felt as it slid to the back of his head, his long fingers sitting through his hair gently. Their kisses intensified. Their legs tangled together, like they couldn't get close enough to each other. 

Slowly, Keith made his way back to Lance’s neck, determined to cover him in the proof of his mouth. Whenever Lance looked in a mirror he’d remember. He’d remember how much Keith wanted him, how he lavished him in touches no one else could give him. Caught up in his thoughts, he hadn’t realized he’d started biting as he sucked against the skin until he heard a gasp from Lance. 

He might have stopped if not for the way Lance’s hips lifted to press against Keith’s and the way his hands slid down the sides of his body, fingers tousling the fabric of his shirt. Keith pulled back slightly, happy with the small galaxy he’d created on the side of his neck. 

He shifted until he was straddling Lance. “Sit up for me, pretty boy,” he murmured. Lance did and Keith let his hands trail down slowly to the hem of his shirt. He lifted it, tugging it over his head and discarding it beside them. 

“You too,” Lance whispered. His eyes were bright and wide. Keith smiled and kissed him lightly before reaching back to pull his own shirt off. Lance’s warm hands were on him as soon as his skin was exposed and Keith let out a long sigh. “Exquisite,” he said, so softly Keith almost didn’t hear. He felt warm lips on his collar bone, long hands pressed into his back. Keith wrapped his arms around Lance, his body heat spiking ridiculously fast. 

He spread his hands across Lance’s shoulder blades, then let himself roam the expanse of his back as Lance littered his collarbone with kisses and flicks of his tongue. 

“Lance,” Keith breathed, nuzzling into the wavy hair. Lance hummed. “Lay down.” 

“Uh-uh,” Lance protested, holding him tighter. His kisses made their way up his neck. 

Keith bit his lip as he chuckled. He tilted Lance’s head back with a light tug of his hair. “Why are you being stubborn?” He laid a hand on his chest, nudging him back gently. Once Lance was laying down again, Keith reached for his hand and pulled it up to his lips. “Let me take care of you, pretty boy.” 

“But I wanna touch you too, and-”

Keith covered his mouth and smiled. “Let me take care of you  _ first,  _ then.” Lance stared at him with wide eyes, and Keith noticed his body lose some of its tension. He relaxed into the bed. Keith brought Lance’s hand back to his lips, kissing each fingertip lightly before interlocking their hands. He shifted lower so he could lean down and begin marking his chest. 

He wanted to kiss every part of Lance. He didn’t want there to be a single spot where Lance wouldn’t see evidence of Keith’s touch, his affection. He held himself up with the hand he’d intertwined with Lance’s as the other glided along the side of his body lightly. He could hear Lance’s shaky breaths in response. He let his hand slide along his arm, around his shoulder, let his fingers trace over the ridge of his collarbone, and ghosted them over his chest.

His mouth moved lower to continue a path of fuschia love bites. Lance jutted his hips up slightly and Keith chuckled. “Easy, babe.” 

Shifting his weight to his legs, he slid both hands up along Lance’s chest as he decorated his torso. He felt the quick rise and fall from his breathing. His hands continued until they were tracing the curve of his throat and Lance moaned, wrapping one leg around Keith. 

He skimmed his lips lightly along his stomach. Goosebumps rose on the warm, brown skin. His name sounded like an incantation as it fell from Lance’s lips in a whisper. Keith pulled himself up, resting on the heels of his feet as he traced his fingers teasingly along the top of Lance’s jeans. His arousal was evident in his jeans. Keith couldn’t help but smile proudly at how easily he could get Lance to that point. Meanwhile Lance was completely focused on him, a different kind of darkness in the cerulean of his eyes. 

“Wanna raise your hips for me, baby?” Keith murmured. Lance complied, almost as if he were in a trance. Keith unbuttoned his jeans and worked on tugging them off. He laughed as Lance impatiently kicked them off, ducking when the movement risked hitting him on the head. “Lance!” 

“Clothes are stupid,” he muttered. Keith shook his head, chuckling at his expense. He traced his fingers up the length of Lance’s leg slowly until Lance started laughing and pulled his legs away. “That tickles.” 

Keith smiled and lifted his leg by his calf to press a kiss to his ankle. “What about that?” 

Lance smiled and raised an eyebrow before shaking his head. Keith trailed kisses up his leg playfully, watching that smile widen until it burst into a soft laugh. “Keith!” He used his leg to wrap around Keith and topple him forward. Keith caught himself with his hands on either side of Lance’s head. Lance murmured something in Spanish, something Keith didn’t understand. 

“What’s that mean?” 

“It means you drive me crazy,” he whispered. Keith blushed, but Lance was already pulling him into another kiss, wrapping his legs tighter around him. “Why are your jeans still on?” he grumbled. 

Keith laughed into the kiss and pressed his fingers into the purple bruises along the side of his neck. “Because you don't give me the chance to take them off.” Keith ran a hand along the length of his legs, gently unhooking them from around his hips. “Do me a favor, and stay still.” Lance hummed and caressed Keith's cheek. Keith grabbed his hand and slowly pulled it away from his face to press it into the pillow by his head. “Stay still, pretty boy.”

Lance sighed and shut his eyes, briefly interlocking their fingers before relaxing and stilling his body. Keith smiled to himself as he shifted to litter Lance's stomach with kisses again, softly, slowly. 

He waited for Lance's breaths to slow back down before starting to gently bite and suck to leave more marks. He soothed each one over with a lick of his tongue and it wasn't long before Lance was breathing heavily again. 

It was extremely satisfying to watch each new mark bloom across his skin, to feel the goosebumps and shivers that happened anywhere Keith’s fingers skimmed over. He could feel Lance’s muscles tensing, fighting the urge to move. Keith worked his boxers down just enough to reveal his hip bone. Lance groaned out a curse under his breath when Keith refused to lower his single item of clothing any more. 

Keith rubbed his thumbs in circles along the highest part of his hip, he ran his tongue slowly from just under his belly button down to the waistband of his boxers. He started kissing the newly exposed skin, a hand rubbing lightly along the tent in his boxers. He could hear Lance’s breaths get more erratic, but when he glanced up, Lance had a hand clamped over his mouth. 

“Lance,” Keith said with an underlying reprimand in his voice. He lifted his head to look down at Keith. Keith tightened his grip on Lance’s hips. “Put your hand back where I put it.” He did so hesitantly, and Keith smiled then rewarded him by increasing the speed of his hand. 

It made Lance’s head fall back onto the pillow. Keith moved lower to place kisses along the inside of his thigh as he spread them apart so he had room between his legs. “Keith, you’re killing me,” Lance said with a tight voice. 

Keith didn’t respond to that, but he trailed his fingertips along the inside of his thigh as he sat up, his other hand pushing up the leg of Lance’s boxers. “So soft,” he murmured. Lance’s leg twitched as Keith’s fingers went higher. “And sensitive.” 

“This is payback isn’t it?” Lance breathed heavily. “Because I took so long rimming you last time.” 

That made Keith laugh. “No, baby. Not payback.” He let his eyes drift to Lance’s face, and he watched how his eyebrows knit together, his teeth dug into his lower lip. His eyelids fluttered, and his hands clenched and unclenched around nothing. A small smile tugged at Keith’s lips as he observed him. He moved to straddle Lance, then reached over to take his hands and pull him up. 

Lance opened his eyes and watched him carefully. He leaned in to kiss him, affection making his heart swell as Lance’s hands immediately took to caressing the sides of his face. Lance’s tongue dizzied Keith, and without meaning to, he grinded his hips down, sending shivers through both their bodies. 

Once he started, he didn’t stop. He couldn’t if he wanted to, because Lance was rolling his hips up to meet him. Before he knew it, he had his arms around Lance, holding onto him like he was a lifeline. Lance’s fingers were digging into his thighs so hard, it hurt. His mouth was at his neck, one hand tugging at the roots of his hair and the other pushing into the small of his back to control the movements of Keith’s hips. 

Lance was letting out these little hums, grunting against Keith’s skin between breaths. Meanwhile, Keith’s breath were becoming faster and louder, despite breathing through his nose. He pressed his mouth against Lance’s shoulder to stifle any possible sounds, his body trembling from exertion as well as the fact that each grind brought him closer to that wonderful high. 

He started to pull away because he didn’t want to finish yet. He wanted to build Lance up until he got so desperate, he lost control and managed to fuck Keith until they were both boneless and lightheaded. He wanted to soothe every worry, fear, and tension by making him forget about them all. He wanted Lance to be unable to focus on anything that wasn’t Keith and his kisses and his touches. 

But Lance wasn’t letting him move away. “No, don’t go anywhere,” he huffed. 

“‘M not,” Keith groaned. “Just too close. I don’t wanna come yet.” 

“It’s okay.” Lance guided his head back slightly with a gentle tug of his hair. Keith looked at him through half-lidded eyes. Lance was still rocking his hips and the tug on his hair was just a small taste of something that Keith knew would make him lose it completely. “I wanna see it happen.”

“But I wanna-” Keith gasped as Lance pulled his hips down at the same time he rocked up. “Lance,” he breathed.

The hand in his hair let go, favoring his hips instead. Both hands led him, increasing the speed along with Lance’s own movements. Keith could tell Lance was getting close too- he could hear it in the way his grunts became a little louder, the way he started adding in curses and murmurs of his name. 

“Keep going, keep going, keep going,” Lance said, as Keith surrendered to Lance’s encouragements. He was too close to an orgasm to deny it to himself. 

Keith buried his face into Lance's neck, his mouth open against his warm skin as he gasped for breath. His hands curled into fists at Lance's back. He knew Lance didn't like it, but he bit back the choked whimpers that tried to build in his throat. 

He felt Lance's hand pull the band of his boxers down and practically growled when Lance wrapped his hand around him. He'd stopped rolling his hips up to meet Keith's, but he kept leading Keith's movement with the hard press of his fingers. It wasn't like Keith needed it though; he was rocking into Lance's hand and panting against his neck almost like he was on autopilot. 

The hand at his hip pulled away to gently turn Keith's head until they were face to face. Lance's thumb traced along his lower lip as he smiled at him. Keith let his jaw fall open until he could take Lance's thumb into his mouth, and he bit down on it. 

“Let me hear you.” 

Keith chuckled 

“Let me hear you,” Lance whispered, his breath warm against Keith’s lips. 

It made Keith chuckle to hear him say that. He only responded by biting onto his thumb a little harder and licking him gently as an apology. 

Lance hummed. Then he took his hand away and snapped Keith’s boxers back in place. Keith huffed indignantly, gasping at the feeling of the elastic hitting his skin and the fabric covering him back up. “What are you doing?” Keith asked, grinding into nothing at that point. 

Lance traced his finger up Keith’s torso, up his chest, and along his collarbone. The thumb in his mouth was replaced by two fingers which pressed down gently to coax his mouth open. “Now who’s being stubborn?” he chided softly. “You I like hearing you.” Keith grunted in annoyance, but it only made Lance smile more. “You were so close.” His voice had become so low, Keith strained to hear it over his heartbeat. “So close, and I want to see that beautiful face you make.” A shiver ran after the trace of Lance’s fingertips as they followed the path of his spine. “But if I can’t hear you, then maybe I should just make it harder for you.” 

Keith’s eyes flew open. “What?” 

Lance bit his lip as he gave Keith that cocky smirk he’d had painted on his face from the moment he’d met him. That smirk could get him anything he wanted, and the killer part was that he was certain Lance had no fucking idea. Whether it was a shy smirk or a downright devilish one, it was effective. Keith already felt his cheeks heating up in embarrassment over the prospective sounds he would make. 

“How about you be a good boy for  _ me _ this time?” 

Keith gulped, staring at him dumbly. Lance only leaned in to swipe his tongue up Keith’s lower lip, teasing his open mouth with it. Keith let out a shaky breath which prodded Lance to skim his teeth along his lip. His fingers pushed down in his mouth a little more, and Keith knew he was close to drooling. 

“Fuck,” he groaned in surrender, knowing he was about to give Lance what he wanted. Lance responded by using his hand to steady Keith as he grinded against him, but only once. Keith realized what his game was; for every sound, he’d get rewarded with a touch. Lance got what he wanted, and Keith would get what he wanted. 

He tested the theory with a moan, and Lance immediately latched onto his neck, placing chaste kisses along his throat. Keith let out a louder moan, and the lips at his neck parted to allow Lance to nip at his skin. Partially out of spite, and partially out of curiosity, Keith let out a high pitched whine that was louder than any sound he'd previously made in his life. 

It made Lance freeze. And then suddenly, he was laughing. He was laughing so hard, he had to stifle himself by burying his face into Keith's shoulder. 

“Oh is that not what you wanted?” Keith asked sarcastically.

Undeterred, Lance kept laughing though it was softer. His hands cupped Keith's face and he shook his head. “ _ Principe,  _ I'm not asking you to let me hear you just because I get off on it. I don't expect you to sound like a porn star. I'd actually be worried if you did, because then I'd know damn well you were faking.” Keith rolled his eyes. But Lance's gentle hands soothed his frustration, his embarrassment. “Do you know why I wanna hear the sounds you hold back?” 

Keith sighed. “Because you like knowing you make me feel good.” 

The smile on Lance's face softened. “Not just that,” he murmured. Keith arched an eyebrow. “You said you don't like to make noise because it's embarrassing. But when you're with me…. I don't want you to feel like you have to hold back. I don't want you to feel embarrassed with me. I want you to feel comfortable.” Lance brushed his lips against Keith's just barely. 

Keith let his eyes shut, tilting toward Lance. Their lips chased after each other's, but never fell into a proper kiss. “It's just hard to do. I'm used to being quiet.” 

“I know, baby. I know it's hard to just break a habit.” Lance's hands slid into his hair. “Just know I'm not trying to tease you or frustrate you. I'm just trying to remind you that you're safe with me.” 

Keith let his eyes meet Lance's. For the millionth time since meeting him, he tried to detect some sort of hesitancy in his words, some telltale sign in his eyes that would betray an ounce of doubt. And for the millionth time he failed to find it. Lance meant everything he said. 

And Keith had no idea what to do about that. 

He let himself smile back at Lance a bit sheepishly. “I'm supposed to be reassuring you. Not the other way around.” 

Lance chuckled and finally kissed him firmly on the mouth. “I think we do a good job about reassuring each other.” Keith hummed, smiling a little wider as Lance leaned in for another kiss. The hands in his hair tightened slightly, making Keith's eyes shut. “Now, should we finish what we started?” 

“We're nowhere close to finished,” Keith answered with a gasp. 

As Lance rubbed him through his boxers and sucked hickeys against his throat, Keith tried to get lost in the sensations. He did feel comfortable with Lance, and he wanted him to know that. His breaths turned shallow as Lance's hands moved to his ass, pushing into the flesh to rock Keith's hips against him. He could feel Lance's moans reverberating in the places where he kissed him. 

Keith tried to move faster, feeling his breaths hitch with each press against each other. 

“Hah… La-ah! Fuck. Close,” he groaned. He heard his own breaths getting louder the closer he got to his release. Being completely wrapped up in Lance helped. With his voice whispering to Keith, enveloped in his warmth and his scent and his touches. 

He started scrambling for a better position, and Lance wrapped an arm around his torso. The other grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled his head back. 

Keith's mouth fell open and an unreserved moan filled the room. “There you are,” Lance said. Keith could hear the cheeky smile in his voice. “Now just let go for me.” 

He was so close, so fucking close, and he could hear the way his moans and Lance's mingled together like a dirty song. The high hit him hard, causing his limbs to go weak as he leaned into Lance. The mess in his boxers made him wince. He tried to catch his breath as Lance trailed his hands along his body, massaging his thighs gently. 

“Shit,” Keith muttered breathlessly. “I didn't bring a change of clothes.” 

Lance laughed and kissed him over and over until Keith couldn't help but smile. “I'll lend you a change. In the meantime, should I take these off of you?” Keith smirked and nodded. 

Lance lifted him and tugged his boxers away. Keith pulled away to find the lube he knew Lance kept in the drawer of the bedside table. Meanwhile, Lance discarded his own boxers, his eyes following Keith’s body with a dark gaze. 

Keith returned, straddling him as he held the lube in one hand and let his knuckles trail Lance’s member. A shaky breath fell from his lips, and Keith swallowed it with a kiss before leaning in toward his ear. “How quickly can you get hard again if I make you come now?” he whispered. 

Lance sighed and Keith felt a slight roll of his hips in attempt for more friction. “Probably the same amount of time it would take me to stretch you.” 

Keith smirked and pressed the lube into Lance’s hand. “Perfect.” 

He didn’t waste any time in shuffling down to wrap his mouth around Lance’s cock. Lance cursed loudly above him, his hips jutting up in an automatic reaction. “Shit! Fuck, Keith- baby, a little warning next time.” 

Keith blinked up at him and swallowed around the weight in his mouth. He pressed his tongue along the side as he pulled off slowly. “Did I do something wrong?” he asked in a low voice. 

Lance stared at him. His Adam’s apple bobbe visibly, and Keith had to bite back a smirk before he wrapped his mouth around him again. Lance’s hand went into his hair, his finger ran through the thick locks over and over to help him keep them out of his face. “You make it hard to think.” 

_ Good.  _ Keith figured he shouldn’t be thinking about anything but him at that moment anyway. He started bobbing his head at a faster pace. He could feel the pulsing on his tongue. His saliva dribbled around Lance from the corners of his mouth. As Keith’s jaw got used to the stretch, he took more of Lance in, which resulted in his grip tightening in his hair. 

Keith gasped when a swipe of his tongue made Lance yank him by the roots until he was staring at Lance with his head pulled back, open mouth shining with spit and gasping for breath. Something shone in Lance’s eyes. 

“You like that, don’t you?” Keith kept his gaze steady on him, an eyebrow arched. Lance’s hold loosened. His hand massaged Keith’s scalp soothingly. Lance looked at him with a soft smile, his eyes dark with lust and want and something gentle reserved only for Keith and only for moments like these. 

Keith bit his lip, waiting, but not sure for what. When Lance didn’t do anything but smirk at him, Keith lowered his head back down and continued his motions. He felt the hand in his hair move to down his back, the fingers following the ridges of his spine until Lance couldn’t reach further. As Keith worked his mouth around him, he felt Lance’s nails scratch up his back. Little grunts came from Lance’s throat, encouraging Keith. 

He sucked his cheeks in, and Lance removed his hands in favor of holding himself steady with the help of the bed. A low curse fell from his lips and Keith wanted to hear more of it. He liked the way Lance’s voice would hitch when he was overwhelmed, or the way his jaw would tense when he was gasping Keith’s name. And he absolutely adored the look on his face when Keith brought him over the edge- that furrow of his eyebrows, the way his eyes took on a hazy look, the way his mouth would fall open for a few seconds before he bit down hard on his lower lip as he caught his breath. 

“Fuck, it’s not fair how good you are at that,” Lance groaned, before brushing the back of his fingers against the side of Keith's face. 

It still took Keith a little by surprise when Lance did stuff like that. All those gentle touches that made sex feel like a little more than a fuck. All those little moments that erased Keith's fear of being kicked out or left alone after everything was done. A brush of his fingers, a kiss to his forehead, the way their hands interlocked, or their noses bumped together playfully mid kiss…. 

All those things never failed to make Keith's brain short circuit for a while as he let it sink in again. Lance wasn't just another guy. This time wasn't the last time. He wouldn't be cold and alone afterward. He was safe. He was wanted in every way he ever wanted to be wanted. 

Keith took a deep breath through his nose before taking Lance deeper into his mouth. He bobbed his head quickly, trying to work his tongue and lips while still maintaining the pace. He heard Lance’s curses and moans get faster. 

He managed to glance up at him just in time. The tension of his legs had given away how close Lance was, and Keith looked at him at the very moment Lance came. Keith pulled away as leftover spurts hit his chin, watching as Lance’s cheeks flushed and his chest heaved. His eyes were still on Keith, fighting to focus. Keith watched as Lance took his bottom lip between his teeth with little grunts still making their way through. 

Keith didn’t say anything as he leaned in closer to him, legs on either side of Lance, and kissed him. Lance moaned softly as his hand tried to wipe away the mess on his chin. Keith only pulled away to continue kissing his neck. Lance fumbled around until he found his shirt at the edge of the bed and used it to wipe Keith’s face for him. 

“What a gentleman,” Keith said sarcastically. 

Lance chuckled and cupped his hands around his ass. “Shut up and kiss me.”

Keith couldn’t help but smile at the irony before he found Lance’s lips again. They laughed into each other’s mouths as Lance turned to lay him down and shifted over him all without breaking their kiss. It led to a lot of fumbling that otherwise might have aggravated or embarrassed Keith. But there with Lance, it just eased him further. 

When Keith was settled against the pillows, Lance looked down at him with a small smirk. Keith arched an eyebrow, but Lance didn’t say anything. He just traced a finger over the shape of Keith’s lips again and again. 

Then he took Keith’s hand and lifted it to his chest. Lance flattened Keith’s palm against him; he could feel Lance’s heart pounding quickly. “How do you do that to me just by looking at me?” Lance asked him. As if Keith had a reasonable answer. 

He could feel the blush in his cheeks and shook his head. “You just orgasmed. I think that’s the real reason behind this.” 

Lance shook his head stubbornly. “No. It’s you.” He said it so certainly, with that cute smile and that precious dimple in his cheek, that Keith had to believe him. Keith did that to Lance's heart; Keith made it speed up. That's how much Lance liked him. “Hey.” Keith blinked a few times to clear his head. “You okay?” 

He nodded and pressed his hand harder against Lance's chest, against the rhythmic palpitations. “Yeah. Just surreal to think about.” He slid his hand to the nape of Lance's neck. “Now shut up and kiss me.” 

Lance laughed at having his own words turned on him. He leaned in, not quite kissing him, but so tantalizingly close. His breaths intermingled with Keith's as Lance trailed his lips over his. His tongue teased into his mouth, occasionally clashing lazily with Keith's. And that debilitating smirk never dropped from his face. 

Without meaning to, a moan fell from Keith's lips as a plea for Lance to stop teasing him. Instead, he was met with a low hum and Lance's teeth grazing his lip. Lance tugged lightly as Keith let out a shaky breath. 

A hand pushed his legs apart and brought his knee up to his chest before it ran back down his thigh. Lance was a fast learner. It hadn't taken too many times for his confidence to build when it came to fingering him open, and that confidence drove Keith crazy. Because Lance loved to drag it all out. 

He liked making Keith restless, liked watching him squirm impatiently for more without ever giving in to his wishes. 

Except he didn't do that this time. This time he was working him open steadily, but he responded to everything Keith's body did and every sound he made. The feeling of his fingers was a tease in and of itself, fulfilling that need for stimulation but nowhere near what Lance could do.

There was an urgency to Lance's motions this time. An urgency that had Keith gasping for breath and letting out meaningless mumbles and curses. Lance kissed him in an almost feral way, swallowing each sound like they were the air he needed to breathe.

“La-Lance, oh God….” 

“You make my name sound so good,  _ principe.”  _ Lance started kissing his neck and Keith wrapped his hands around his arms, blunt nails digging into his skin. 

After a while longer, Keith pulled away and started turning around. “Okay, okay, okay, I'm good. I'm ready.” 

Lance stopped him with a hand on his torso. “Come on, babe. You know I like looking at you.” Keith rolled his eyes but laid on his back. “Be right back,” he promised with a quick kiss on the cheek. 

Lance shuffled off him to fumble in his drawer again. Keith watched the curve of his back as he moved, counted the scatter freckles that created constellations on his shoulder blades, and reached out to lightly touch the dimples at the small of his back. 

“You're beautiful,” he whispered. 

Lance looked back at him and gave him a shy smile. Keith liked how it looked on him. When Lance was embarrassed or shy, it made him seem a little more human. A little more realistic. And it made Keith feel special knowing he could get him to react that way. 

“I didn't think you could use the word beautiful for guys until you,” Lance whispered. He leaned over and kissed him softly, slowly.

“Want some help with that?” Keith asked once Lance had pulled away. Lance hummed and pressed the condom into his palm. Keith kept his eyes on Lance’s, getting lost in how magnificent they were. Like little pools of blue and a splash of teal at the very edge of the pupil. He knew it was there but could barely see it because of how thin the iris was. 

Then Lance's eyes fluttered shut as Keith slid the condom over him and spread more lube along the length. Keith shifted, folding himself until his legs were over Lance's shoulders, his knees nearly touching his chest. 

“Tell me when you're ready,” Lance murmured, taking a moment to push Keith's hair back. He bumped his nose against Keith's in a way that made Keith smile. 

“I'm good.” 

Lance nodded and Keith felt him begin to push in. He sighed softly, tilting his head back as Lance pushed in a little deeper. He pulled back out and repeated, slowly stretching him more and more with each roll of his hips. 

Keith dug his fingernails into Lance's back, gasping his name between soft curses. He clenched around him and Lance buried his face in his neck, groaning as he shuddered. 

It was such a small thing to do, the whole going slowly. And yet, it left Keith with a flurry of butterflies and weakened limbs. People he'd slept with before had always been eager. It had always been almost animalistic until Keith convinced himself he liked it that way. He liked guys being so desperate for him, they couldn't properly take his clothes off or be patient in their movements. Keith told himself he was just so good at sex, they couldn't think about anything but the pleasure. Even Roland had been rushed in their time together, eager to be with Keith but too afraid to stop and learn how to take his time. But Keith always made excuses for Roland. 

Excuses for all of them that didn't make sense now. Because Lance was so slow, so careful. He'd been so adamant about learning the right way, about not hurting Keith. But his desperation was there. It was there in the way he trembled from holding himself back, in the press of his lips against any part of Keith he could kiss, in the heavy breaths and grunts he made in Keith's ear. 

It had angered Keith at first. He thought Lance was teasing him, drawing him out because he was cocky about his skills in bed. Now, he didn't think he could go back to those desperate fucks that hurt so much at first, that had him stumbling over jeans that hadn't even made it past his knees. 

He wished he could tell Lance all of it. He wished he could be as good with words as Lance was and be able to tell him how much he appreciated every little thing about him that was different. If he could, then maybe Lance would see why no amount of apologies and change of hearts from any previous relationship would take Keith away from him. 

Keith wasn't good at finding a gray area in the aspects of life. Shiro told him all the time, and Keith had told Lance at one point. He'd felt comfortable in the state he was in, with one night stands every weekend and keeping anyone who wasn't his family at arm's length. Even Lance charmed his way into his life, Keith had every intention of indulging it for a few weeks as he waited out the inevitable end. 

At some point, that changed. At some point Keith had gone from being totally adamant about letting Lance go when he wanted to leave to wanting to keep him, wanting to make Lance want to stay. He was totally and completely infatuated with Lance and the cute way he ate and the magic of his words and cheesy lines he said to make Keith laugh and the slow deliberate way he touched him. 

He moved Lance's head away from his shoulder, cupping his face. Lance was gradually building up speed, each thrust leaving Keith a little more breathless. “Lance?” 

“Yeah?” He slowed his movements, and ran his fingers through his hair. “What is it?” 

Keith traced his finger over Lance's lips, feeling the warmth breaths ghost over them. “I won't go anywhere if you don't either.” 

Blue eyes scanned his face for a moment before a gentle smile spread on his face, dimple and all. “I already told you I wouldn't.” 

Keith nodded. “Good.” 

Lance chuckled and leaned down to kiss him so hard, Keith felt lightheaded. Time was a distant concept as Lance built him up higher and higher, every movement so gradual and gentle that Keith felt like he was going crazy. His hands touched wherever he could, and every kiss made his heart pound harder. 

They breathless, shaking, and sweaty. The room was significantly quiet in light of their sounds just moments earlier- the bed frame, the sound of their bodies, their voices hitching on the other’s name between moans. Now it was just their panting breaths and pounding hearts. Lance was resting his head on Keith’s shoulder as Keith’s hand coursed through his hair. 

“You okay?” Lance whispered. Keith hummed in affirmation. “Lemme catch my breath and I’ll help you clean up.” Keith hummed again, sleepily as he rubbed up and down Lance’s arm which was draped over his torso. Lance chuckled and tilted his head up toward him. “D’you forget how to talk,  _ principe?”  _

Keith shook his head. “No. Just sleepy. And warm.” Lance laughed softly and hugged him tighter.

There was a lot Keith still didn’t know about Lance and their dynamic, but one thing he did know was that no one had ever made him feel as content, safe, and comfortable as Lance did. 


	16. Side Effects

Being home felt nostalgic. It was always that way. Even though school was only an hour away, coming back felt like being a visitor. 

“ _ Mi amor,  _ what do you want for dinner tonight?” Lance's mother asked after he'd put his bags in his old room. 

“Anything as long as you make it, Mami. I've missed your cooking.” 

“ _ Bueno,  _ if you came home more often, you wouldn't have to miss it,  _ tesoro.”  _

Lance sighed and gave her a smile. She touched his cheek lightly and went into the kitchen. From the couch, Veronica whistled and gestured him over. 

He sat beside her as she flipped through the guide on the TV, looking for something to catch her attention. “How's everyone over there?” she asked. It was a broad enough question to ask in front of his mom, but Lance knew what she meant. 

“Good. Hunk and Pidge aren't coming until Thanksgiving day so they can work on some papers and projects. Keith said his parents are going over to his house for dinner.” 

Veronica nodded. She hesitated before her next question. “Are you… gonna go see Coran?” 

“Of course. I already told Romelle I'd stop by tomorrow.” 

Veronica’s eyes flirted toward the kitchen before her voice dropped. “Does Keith know?” 

With a grimace, Lance shook his head. “I'm still… trying to figure out how to explain it all. But I will. Eventually.” Veronica gave him a dubious look and Lance rolled his eyes. “Ma doesn't know anything, does she? About Keith, I mean.” 

She shook her head. “I haven't said anything.” Lance nodded and gave her a grateful smile. “I think she's wondering about me though because I keep telling her about all these bisexual singers and actors. She gave me a funny look last time I mentioned Michelle Rodriguez is no. Like come on, she loves those fast and furious movies, and she can't tell?” Lance tried to stifle a laugh at that. “You think you'll tell them this week?” 

“God, no. I feel like I'll ruin Thanksgiving.” Veronica gave him a reprimanding look, but before she could protest, he said, “Look, it's that movie you like about the lovebirds with cancer.” 

Then, just as he expected, she punched his shoulder. “You can pretend to hate The Fault In Our Stars all you want, but I will always remember how much you cried the first time you watched it,  _ flaco.”  _

It was hard trying to get rid of the heavy feeling that came from being home. It wasn’t that Lance didn’t like being home; he loved it. He loved getting a chance to catch up with his siblings over a drink from Starbucks or greeting his dad when he came home from work or just getting the chance to sit with his mom on the couch while she watched recording of her favorite soap opera from the night before. He looked forward to all of it. 

He also looked forward to seeing Coran and Romelle. They were like extended family, and they were important to Lance. But there was no denying the melancholy that came from seeing them too. Each time Lance went to see Coran, there were as many tears as there were smiles and laughter. 

In short, it was usually emotionally exhausting to be home. If Lance was completely honest with himself, he was also carrying a lot of guilt about Keith. About seeing him behind his parents’ backs, about going to see Coran when he was with Keith, about not telling Keith he was going to be seeing Coran. 

He was keeping secrets from Keith, from his family, and it even felt like he was keeping a secret from Allura. The flurry of emotions made it feel like he had so much happening. He tried to remind himself to take it step by step. He just had to get through dinner that night. He could worry about everything else as it happened. 

Keith called a little after dinner. Mama was doing dishes and Papa was taking a shower. Veronica was on her computer. Lance ducked into his room and answered with a soft, “ _ Hola, mi koala.”  _

He laughed as he heard Keith groan on the other end. “Here I thought we’d gotten rid of that nickname.” Lance rolled his eyes, even though Keith couldn’t see him. “So how’s your first night back home? Are you happy?” 

“Yeah, definitely,” he said with all the honesty in the world. “I love coming home to see my family. And it was good. It was a lot of hugs today. I still have to see my brothers, they’ll probably stop by tomorrow. How are things on your end?” 

“Well, it hasn’t even been a full day and Shiro’s already teasing me about not being with you. I’m two seconds away from hitting him over the head with a pan.” Lance laughed and shook his head. “Okay, well I just wanted to… you know, check on you.” 

“Uh-uh, what were you gonna say?” Lance asked, noting the hesitance and the way the words trailed off. 

“Nothing!” 

“Liar.” 

There was a huff on the other end before Keith answered, “I was just gonna say I wanted to hear your voice….” He said it softly, and Lance felt his cheeks heat up instantly. “Hello?” 

“Yeah! I’m here, sorry. Just flustered,” he said with a laugh. “That was… aha, that was unexpected and I’m-  _ oh my God.”  _ He smiled at the floor, imagining that Keith’s face might be just as red as his own. “You’re cheesy, you know that?” 

“Oh you have  _ got  _ to be kidding me, you are way cheesier and-” Lance started laughing too loud to hear what Keith was saying, and eventually Keith joined in. “Yeah. I guess it’s easier to be cheesy with you. But you definitely have me beat in terms of cheesiness.” 

“See, now I’m craving pizza.” 

“Didn’t you just eat?” 

“What’s your point?” 

Keith laughed, and Lance could picture him rolling his eyes. “Alright, well, I gotta sit and eat my dinner, so… I’ll talk to you later?” 

“Sounds good.  _ Buenas noches, mi principe,”  _ he said softly. 

He couldn’t help the smile on his face as he laid back on his bed. It was almost unbelievable the way they had changed from the first time they met. Lance still remembered how closed off and cold Keith was at first, how he seemed to be suspicious of everything and anything Lance said or did. He remembered the hesitance in each touch, the caution behind the things he said to Keith. 

Now it was so different. He was still Keith, still stubborn, impatient, temperamental at times…. But overall, he was… softer. It was the best word for it. And Lance noticed it was only ever with him. When he was with Shiro, he was a little more playful. When he was with his dance group, he was a little more stoic, still trying to figure out the right way to be their captain. 

Meanwhile Lance got to see every shy smile, the blush he stopped trying to hide, the light touches and the way he leaned into Lance’s touch now. He got to see the version of Keith that craved to touch and be touched whether with soft blankets and a movie or under the moonlight that filtered through the window onto his mattress. 

The progression was slow, so it took moments like these in which Lance missed him and found himself smiling stupidly at nothing for him to realize how drastically different everything was. And all in a little over two months. 

“Whatcha smilin’ at?” Veronica said in a singsong voice. Lance lifted his head and saw her standing at his door. 

“Nothing, what’s up?” he asked, the smile still plastered on his face. 

Veronica eyed him suspiciously, but she didn’t pry. “Do you wanna watch a movie with me? I’ve been meaning to show you this one I think you’ll love.” 

Lance chuckled and nodded. “Sure, let me just get into more comfortable clothes.” 

“Sweet, I’ll start the popcorn.” 

\---

The next day felt like a routine, despite the fact that it had been a few months since Lance had come home. He woke up to the smell of coffee, the sound of his dad leaving for work, the sound of  _ Despierta America  _ on the living room TV. He turned over and fell back asleep until Veronica managed to flip him off the bed to wake him up and eat breakfast. Then he caught up on a recording of a soap opera that his mami liked, mostly asking questions because he was completely lost. 

By the afternoon, though, he was in his car and driving down the familiar route to Allura’s house. Coran’s house. He parked in the driveway, staring at the large garden beside it, sectioned off by a gate. A metal long chair that had been painted white before was now rusting slightly, but remained sturdy beneath a magnolia tree in the center of the garden. Next to it was a matching cart with a netted pattern. 

Lance could almost picture Allura sitting there in her favorite tank top, her paint splattered jeans, and sandals, under the shade of the large leaves and branches. He remembered filling the cart with their books, reading some of each others’ favorites under summer sun or even in the brisk early stages of Texas winter. Glasses of iced tea or fresh  _ limonada  _ on the cart in the summer or mugs of  _ chocolate Abuelita  _ or  _ champurrado  _ in the winter. 

At that moment, magnolia leaves were strewn in shades of brown around the garden. The rose bushes were withered from the colder temperatures. The grass was a little overgrown. Lance walked to the gate entrance and took a deep breath. 

He went to the door and rang the doorbell, trying to balance out the mix of heaviness and lightheadedness. 

It took a few moments before the door creaked open and Lance was staring at a red-haired man dressed like he’d just been at church. 

“Lance! My boy, it’s good to see you!” Coran exclaimed, bringing Lance into a hug. He smelled like peppermints and cigars. Lance hugged him back just as tightly. For a second, he thought he felt Coran shaking, but when he pulled back a few moments later, he seemed fine. “I’d begun to wonder about you. Come in, come in!” He ushered Lance inside where flowers lined the large window sill on the wall by the door.

The place hadn’t changed at all. Each time Lance had been there, it looked the same. The one thing that changed was the TV that went from a thick version to a flat screen that was mounted on the wall. And the flowers. The flowers bloomed and sprouted in different intervals, and they were the one sign of change in the house. At that moment, Lance noticed three different pots with the same pink bromeliad flowers- Allura’s favorite. The rest blended them in, but no other flower appeared in more than one pot except those. 

Under the television was a long wooden table with a series of photos in addition to those on the walls. Pictures of Allura’s parents, Coran’s late wife, Romelle’s graduation photo, a few photos of her and Allura as kids, a framed art piece Allura had made him, and even a photo of Lance with Allura around Christmas time. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t call first,” Lance said as he took a seat on one of the couches. 

“Nonsense, you know you’re always welcome. I hate phone calls anyway.” Coran sat on the couch perpendicular to him and took out his cigar kit. 

“Romelle’s not home?” Lance knew Romelle hated when Coran smoked inside. Allura hated it too, but Lance knew Coran often smoked when he had the house to himself. 

Coran chuckled. “No, you just missed her. She went to the mall with some friends. So tell me, how’s school been? How are your friends?” 

“School’s been good. I’ve got mostly A’s, one B. Ready to graduate, I think. One more semester to go. Pidge and Hunk are good. I told them I was coming earlier and they said to tell you hi.” Coran smiled at that. “What about you, how have you been?” 

He let out a puff of smoke away from Lance, left to dissipate in the living room. “I’ve been well. Retirement is suiting me. Mostly, I just try to keep busy and tend to the garden and the flowers. Romelle keeps me company in the evenings and television never ceases to amaze me.” Lance laughed, and Coran smiled back at him. “Have you got anything new for me to read?” 

That made Lance’s smile drop. “Ah. No…. I haven’t written. Unless you want to read a paper about the efficiency of globalization through media that I did for my history class.” 

Coran raised an eyebrow, not laughing at the joke. “Nothing? Not even a haiku?” Lance shook his head sheepishly. “I thought you were starting to consider song-writing.” 

“That didn’t last. Not with… everything. I just haven’t been able to write. It’s kind of nice though, I have more time to read.” 

Coran regarded him for a while. “My boy, have you put your life on hold?” Lance furrowed his eyebrows, unsure of what he meant. “When I met you, you told me you wanted to be a writer. And you were surprised when I told you to bring me your first published copy and any drafts you wanted another set of eyes for.” It was true. Lance had nervously admitted his career plans, fully expecting to be scoffed at or brushed aside or maybe told to have another option that was more realistic like his father had told him. “If you’re not writing anymore, what are you planning to do?”

Lance sighed and looked away. His eyes landed on the pink flowers by the window. He felt a knot in his throat that made it impossible to breathe or swallow. “It’s just… hard. Once she was gone, I couldn’t write about anything that wasn’t that moment. I was stuck in the misery of losing her for months. I told myself not to write anything about it again, so I could move on-”

“But you haven’t.” Lance’s eyes flickered to Coran, filled with tears that blurred his vision. “You haven’t moved on from that moment. Because that moment is keeping you from writing.”

Lance didn’t respond to that. For a long while, it was silent. Lance didn’t want to talk until he could be certain his voice wouldn’t shake. Coran waited patiently, occasionally puffing on his cigar. It felt like everything was crashing onto him. 

He thought of how he hadn’t managed to write anything since he told himself not to write about Allura. About how refusing to write about her felt like an insult to her, but writing about her would feel like an insult to Keith. Then he began to think about those moments when  _ something  _ tried to string together in his brain when he was with Keith, but it never managed to form. Because he felt like it would be wrong to turn his poetry to someone new. Because he was terrified Allura would bleed into his words for Keith. 

And that spiraled into a heavy feeling of guilt for being in the house he’d spent so much time with Allura in, with their picture staring him in the face, missing her while being involved with Keith. He felt bad for not telling Keith, for not telling Coran that Keith was even in his life. He felt horrible for wishing Allura could be there, holding him, whispering assurances. 

His body shook with the effort it took for him not to fall apart. But with the few runaway tears that left wet marks on his jeans served as the breaking of the dam. A few tears turned into an incessant stream of them, and Lance was unable to fathom how his body had managed to break within one moment to the next.

Coran put his cigar away and moved to sit beside him, offering a tissue box. “How do you- how do you do it?” Lance asked between gasps for breath. “I lose Allura and I feel like I’m still trying to piece my life back together. You- you’ve lost so much more, and-” Lance buried his face in his hands. “God, everything just hurts so much.” 

“Maybe it’s a survival instinct. I don’t know. Each loss takes a part of me, Lance. You don’t stop missing them. The pain doesn’t go away. You think I don’t still cry for my wife? Or Allura? You think Romelle doesn’t?” Coran sighed and looked down at his hands. “I understand that you’re in pain. And I understand that she’s still in a lot of the things you do. But I worry about you.” Lance looked at him, trying to dry his face with his sleeves. “I worry that you might always live in this loss. You’re so young, you have so much to experience. You have words to write that no one else will ever be able to write. You have a heart that can still welcome someone new. You have so many possibilities that you otherwise close yourself off from. I know in my heart that Allura never wanted that for you.” 

“I know she wouldn’t,” Lance whispered. “But I’m… so scared that….” Lance shook his head and wiped at his eyes angrily, only for more tears to fill them. There was too much he was afraid of. He couldn’t fit it into a cohesive sentence. 

Coran didn’t say anything. He waited for Lance to figure out his words. He offered tissues when Lance’s own thoughts led to more sudden tears. 

“She was one of my best friends,” he whispered, his voice cracking at the end. “I miss her so much.” 

“I know,” Coran said. His voice shook, which helped Lance not feel so stupid. “You’re not leaving her behind by living out the rest of your life, my boy. I’m sure that even if you were my age, married, with kids… her memory would still be with you. But it won’t be so painful. It’ll be a comfort.” He placed a hand on Lance’s shoulder. “Her memory isn’t meant to hold you back, you know?” 

“But she’s in everything,” Lance said helplessly. “I can’t write without her trying to replace the ink in my pen. Even with someone else-” Lance cut himself off, feeling like he’d said a curse word in church. He looked away and clenched his jaw, willing for Coran not to have heard it. 

It was quiet again. But Lance’s panic had taken over, keeping the tears at bay. “Have you started dating again?” 

The question sounded… hopeful. Which wasn’t what Lance was expecting. He shook his head. “Not… dating exactly….” 

Coran hummed. “But you’ve met someone?” 

A feeling of longing filled his chest as he thought of Keith and his wisteria colored eyes. He nodded slowly. “The first person I’ve wanted this badly since I lost Allura.” He let out a humorless chuckle. “When we’re together, I feel normal… okay. Everything’s bright again. I can breathe. But when we’re apart… I feel like I’m constantly holding this voice back, constantly trying to drown it out.”

“Voice?” Lance wasn’t sure how to explain it without sounding like a lunatic. “Is this voice by chance telling you that you shouldn’t be opening up to someone new?”

Lance looked at Coran with tears streaming down his face. He felt like he was collapsing in on himself, and he was only vaguely aware of Coran’s arms around him as he shook. “I loved her,” he sobbed. “I still do, and I don't think it will ever go away. I don't want it to. But I feel like I'm lying or-or hurting someone. If I still love her, how can I let this person into my life, but if I do let him become that someone who I can start over with, does that mean I'm forgetting Allura? How do I even explain, how could any of this ever get answered if she's gone, she's-” 

Clean shushed him as he cried into his sweater sleeves, finding it hard to breathe. 

“I think it's time I told you what she said to me when she was in the hospital,” Coran said with a voice that was barely a whisper. Lance felt himself shake some more. “Do you remember the day you left to bring her one of her books?”

Lance nodded. “She wanted me to read to her.” 

Coran nodded and shifted so he could face Lance better. “She also wanted you out of the room.” Lance frowned, staring at him in confusion. “That day, as soon as you’d left, she turned to me said, ‘Uncle you’ll have to help him.’” Lance started shaking his head stubbornly, his lip quivering as more tears gathered in his eyes. “She said, ‘Don’t let him be alone. Don’t let him forget-’ ah, what was it she’d said?” He thought for a second and smiled. “‘Don’t let him forget how big his heart can be.’” Coran sniffed and wiped at his eyes. “She knew you’d be conflicted the day you fell for someone new. But she said, whenever that happened, I was to tell you it was okay. Because she said anyone lucky enough to experience a taste of your love deserves the full experience. Like she had.” 

Lance couldn’t stop gasping for breath. He hadn’t cried this badly since the day of her funeral. He couldn’t even talk, and he couldn’t stop shaking his head. Coran’s calloused hand settled over his own, keeping it from shaking. 

“Your heart, and the way you feel things to the fullest is what’s made you a writer, my boy. And I know, just like Allura did, that your heart is big enough to fall in love with someone else without erasing her from it. You deserve to experience those things again, Lance. And this… person must be very special if you’re tearing yourself up this way. But you’ve done nothing wrong. You’ve done exactly what she hoped you would.” 

It was exactly the kind of thing Allura would do. She’d tried to tell him herself once, but Lance told her to stop talking like her life was over. He wouldn’t listen to her goodbyes. He refused to hear her talk about Lance being with someone else when he’d already imagined their entire life together. He needed her to believe she would walk out of the hospital too. 

But she had made one request. She’d asked Lance to check on her uncle now and then. 

“He gets lonely. I don’t want him to be lonely. I told Mellie the same thing. He likes your writing. You should send them to him when you visit home.” Lance had kissed her forehead and promised he would annoy Coran to the ends of his days and she’d giggled at him. 

So it made sense that she’d asked Coran to do the same for him. 

It took a while before he could compose himself again. A handful of tissues later, he managed to make the tears stop. Now his eyes burned and he kept sniffing, but… there was something peaceful in his heart. He’d asked for some way to know for certain that he didn’t need to feel guilty, and now he had it. In Allura’s own words. 

“Funny,” he murmured. “She still knows all the right things to say.” 

Coran laughed, and it turned into a half-sob midway. He nodded and wiped at his eyes. “Yes, it would seem so.” He let out a sigh and let the silence settle for a bit. “So what’s his name?” 

“What?” 

Coran smiled at him. “This person you’ve started to fall for.” Lance stared at Coran, speechless and slightly panicked. His body heat spiked and he tried to figure out something to say.

“H-how-?” 

“You mentioned a ‘him’ earlier. Unless I misheard?” 

Again, Lance felt like a gaping fish, his mouth opening and closing, trying to figure out what to respond. He could have easily said Coran misheard, like he'd suggested. In fact, a large part of him planned to. The words in his head were  _ no no no, I said them not him.  _

Instead what came out of his mouth was, “His name is Keith.” 

Coran hummed and raised an eyebrow. “I see. And what do you like about Keith?” 

Lance scoffed and sniffed. “Lots of things. I like how his nose scrunches up when he smiles at me. How he's a quiet movie watcher. I like how he plays with my hair sometimes. How stubborn he can be. How sweet he is. He comes off as really distant and y’know this tough guy with a hard exterior….” Lance shook his head and smiled at his hands. “But he's a softie. He likes hugs and he blushes a lot and he saved a puppy from a dumpster then named it Kosmo with a K so it would match his name.” Lance wiped his eyes as he looked across the living room to the photo of him and Allura. “But I feel like I'm still tip-toeing around him sometimes.” 

“He doesn't know about Allura?” Now Coran sounded surprised.

Lance shook his head. “I don't know how to tell him. Or when. We'd argued about it before. He didn't know about my poetry and my sister said something and it just spiraled-” 

“Well you were keeping something huge from him. You didn't tell him about a huge part of who you are. And now you're not telling him about a huge part of your life. You will always feel like you're holding back if you're not honest, Lance.” 

“I know, I know, I….” Lance laughed and put his head in his hands. “You know when I knocked on your door I wasn't expecting to come out to you. Much less for your reaction to be so calm.” He took a deep breath and tried to sit up straighter. “My parents don't even know. They don't know that I'm interested in someone. Much less that it's a boy.”

“Well, yes, coming out can be very difficult. For a number of reasons.” 

Lance furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Coran. There was something about the way he said it. About the calmness in his voice when talking to Lance about it. “Are… you…?” 

Crow’s feet appeared in the corner of Coran’s eyes. His moustache tried to hide his smile, but the lines of his face gave it away. “High school sweetheart. His name was Alexander Laurens.” 

“I- I-” Lance stammered and resorted to nervous laughter. “Oh wow. I mean- I thought….” 

“Yes, many people did when I got married. She knew about him. Romelle does too.” Lance laughed, this time more out of shock as he ran his hand through his hair. “You should know, that if anything goes wrong at home, you will always be welcomed here, my boy. But I'm fairly certain it won't come to that.” 

The words “thank you” didn’t seem like enough. Not when Coran had said everything Lance needed to hear and more. Not when his company had eased some of the heaviness in his chest from his visit home. Lance hadn’t realized how badly he needed an adult to tell him he was okay, that it was all okay, and it would all  _ be  _ okay. 

Instead of talking, Lance leaned over and wrapped his arms around him, finding comfort in the peppermint and cigar scent that clung to his clothes. It was a rare thing for someone to say the very words you needed in a moment. 

He was allowed to miss her. He was allowed to still love her. And think about her. But he knew she would kick his ass if he let doing those things stop him from living his life as well as he could. He could also let Keith in. He could maybe one day fall in love with him and love him as much as possible without it making his love for Allura any less. He could be happy without being guilty. 

“I don’t know how to express what this means to me,” he finally said before pulling back. 

Coran smiled at him again and nodded. “I understand. Just keep visiting me. And bring me a poem some time.” Lance chuckled and shrugged, forcing his immediate dismissive response back.  _ Maybe.  _ Maybe was better. “In the meantime, come join me in the kitchen. I want to have some food prepared for when Romelle comes and I’d like to hear about your classes as well as this boy.” 

He stood up and headed to the kitchen with Lance at his heels. He began taking things out of the fridge and pantry, occasionally having Lance get pans for him or other ingredients he forgot. As Lance told him about the day Veronica met Keith, he peeled potatoes for him. 

It was strangely natural talking about Keith to him. There was no faltering in Coran’s responses, no hesitation around the pronouns. He didn’t talk about Keith as much as he wanted to, though. It just didn’t feel right to him to tell Coran all of this when he still hadn’t told his parents. 

It was a terrifying idea, of course, but Lance at least wanted to give them a chance. It was nice to have adult validate him this way. To help him feel like this was just another minor detail, not some huge revelation or something to make a big fuss about. It was relaxing. A relief. 

After Lance explained the plot of the latest Netflix hit to him, Coran asked, “Are you staying to eat? You can eat now, I’m sure Romelle won’t be too much longer.” 

“No, it’s okay. My siblings and I are getting dinner together to catch up before Thanksgiving tomorrow. It’ll be a full house tomorrow.” Lance smiled at him. “And you and Romelle are still invited this year.” 

“Oh, I appreciate that, my boy, but it’s fine. Romelle and I have our own little dinner to do.” Lance nodded and started for the front door with Coran. “Give Hunk and Pidge a hug for me when you see them. And don’t forget- my home is always open to you whenever you may need it.” 

Lance smiled and and nodded. “Thank you so much. For everything. I really thought this would be the time I came over and didn’t cry.” 

Coran laughed lightly and shook his head. “No, no, it’s fine. It’s all part of healing. Have a safe drive, okay? And keep working hard in school.” 

“I will. I’ll try to stop by again before I head back, but if not I’ll be back on your doorstep when I get back for winter break.” He waved as he headed out the door. It was significantly colder outside, and he tugged his jacket tighter around himself.

He started his car and waited for it to heat up a little, staring at the garden again. He and Allura used to extend their goodbyes to the gate, smiling and kissing over the top. They always found something to linger a little longer, and Lance always tested how many more goodbye kisses he could get before she laughed and nudged him, telling him to get going before it got dark. 

“We’ll have plenty of time for kisses tomorrow,” she’d say with a smile. 

Lance smiled at that memory as he took a deep breath. He let it out slowly and shut his eyes. Then he whispered, “I still miss you. I can’t believe you’re still looking out for me,  _ morena. _ ” He chuckled and pulled out of the driveway to head back home. 

The peace and quiet of the moment didn’t last. As soon as he got home, he heard Marco and Luis arguing over each other with Veronica shouting over them to argue another point. He had no idea what it was about, but the laughter between words and the smiles on their faces told him it was just another round of banter. His mother was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, watching and insisting they lower their voices, but she was also laughing at them. 

Once they realized Lance had walked in, they broke away from their argument and greeted him with shouts of, “Hey there he is!” and “ _ Oye, nunca cambias, flaco!”  _ His brothers got out from around the table and engulfed him in hugs. The kind of hugs they never used to give each other unless serious things happened. The kind of hugs that become normal after Lance left for college. 

Then Marco got him into a headlock and it was like they were little kids again. “Dammit, Marco!” Lance snapped, grunting as he tried to free himself. “You have kids now, man, why are you like this?” 

“You’re still my baby brother,  _ pende-” _

“ _ Oye!  _ Don’t call your brother that!” Mama snapped immediately, giving Marco a warning glare. 

“Sorry, Ma.” Marco turned his attention back to Lance, still keeping him trapped. “So? How’s life our little college boy?”

“How much you got left?” Luis asked. 

“I can probably graduate next December. I have senior standing even though I’m a junior.”

“Damn, dude. Not just first gen, but early grad too? Nice.” Luis smiled at him, and Lance noticed a hint of pride in his eyes, similar to when he’d won first place in a swim meet in middle school. Even though he only teased Lance over his speedo. 

He smiled back, but was still preoccupied with trying to get Marco to let him go. 

“Alright, let him go, I’m hungry,” Veronica said, coming to his rescue. “Anyone else craving pancakes?” A chorus of hungry yeses filled the dining room and Marco finally let go. “Alright, Mami,  _ al rato llegamos.” _

The four of them went over to kiss her cheek before heading out the door with her reminding them to have fun and call if anything happened. 

Without fail, they quickly became the loudest table at the nearest Denny’s. It was inevitable with them, laughter and arguments and years of habitual speaking mannerisms. Lance found himself continuously switching between English and Spanish quicker and more often than usual, found himself talking louder than he tended to in school, and even faster than he usually did in English. 

It was a moment of relief, of his body and mind realizing he was home.

Marco’s kids were with their maternal grandparents so they could spend all of Thanksgiving with the McClain side the next day. Marco said Nadia had a project in school about what she wanted to be when she grew up and she'd said she wanted to go to a college like her uncle Lance and aunt Vero. Lance tried not to tear up at that, but Luis teased him for the way he choked up at that anyway. 

Veronica and Lance talked about their classes and the struggle of finding a job that was flexible enough for bizarre class schedules. 

Then Luis brought up his girlfriend and how they were coming up on their one year anniversary soon. 

“I was thinking, you know…. I really love her and… I don't know. I think I wanna ask her to marry me.” The clatter of silverware stopped. Chewing stopped. The three other siblings froze, staring at Luis expectantly, waiting for a sign that he might be pulling their leg. Instead, his eyes flickered to each of them. “What? Too soon? You don't like her? What?” 

“No, no, no! We love Maya. It’s just.... You’re serious,” Veronica realized. He nodded.

“You’re getting married?” Lance asked. He would be the first. Marco still hadn’t gotten married, and while Mami had been upset about it at first especially when they started having kids, it wasn’t too big a deal. This was huge, especially since Luis was known for never wanting to get married. 

“I mean no. Not yet. Not soon. I still need to ask. But it’s… something I’ve considered.” 

“Well shit,” Marco said with a laugh as he reached over to punch Luis’ shoulder. “That’s great news, man. Have you told Mama and Papa?” 

Luis shook his head. “You guys are the first to know.” 

“ _ Aw!”  _ Veronica pinched his cheek and he swatted her away. 

“Man. It’s so crazy to think that we’re all… grown up, you know? Kids, marriage, college. Shit,” Lance mused, more to himself than anything. 

“Yeah, hard to think that 10 years ago you were trying to eat raw  _ chiles  _ so you could grow a moustache, huh?” Luis teased. 

“That was  _ your  _ fault! You said it helped!” 

“ _ No te preocupes, manito,  _ at least you didn’t wet the bed until you were seven,” Veronica said. Luis covered his face and threw a crumpled up napkin at Veronica. 

“You wanna play dirty? Alright, then-”

Instead of catching up, they began reminiscing. All those moments in their childhood when they argued over the remote and didn’t hug because they swore they annoyed each other and taking the last pack of Gusher gummies was the worst thing they could do to each other. Veronica recalled when Lance would braid her hair for school. Marco remembered when Luis had first come home heartbroken over a girl. Luis remembered Lance’s first poetry journal. Lance remembered waking up to Marco putting money under his pillow for his tooth and pretending to still be asleep. They remembered arguments, like when Marco had cut a chunk of Veronica’s hair or when Luis punched Marco in the face in a fight for the first and last time, or when Lance got mad at Marco for coming home late and scaring Mami. 

“God bless our parents _ ,”  _ Veronica said with a smile and a shake of her head. “We were a handful.” She wiped her mouth with a napkin and stood up. “Be right back.” 

As soon as she was gone, Marco kicked his leg under the table. “Okay, you’ve got about three minutes to spill before she gets back.” 

“What?” 

“Catch us up, man. Latest parties? What happened to that Nyla chick?” 

“Nyma? What about her?” His brothers stared at him with confused expressions. “We’re friends.” 

“With benefits,” Luis snorted.

“Oh, n-n-no!” Lance shook his head and laughed nervously. “No. That- that ended a while ago.” 

Marco raised an eyebrow at him. “Did you go for someone else? Was she trying to be official or something?” 

“Wh- no? No, I just… stopped. We’re not doing that anymore, we’re just friends. Really. No new fuck buddy or anything, just….” He shrugged and gestured pointlessly with his hands. 

Marco and Luis looked at each other then at Lance. “Oh. Okay then. Cool,” Luis said. 

They were awkwardly quiet until Veronica came back a few moments later. “What’s with the weird looks?” she asked. 

“Lance has a girlfriend he’s not telling us about,” Marco supplied. Veronica choked on her water and spit it back into her cup. 

“What? No I don’t!” 

“Well  _ someone  _ made you want to settle down and stop all the flings, so if you’re not dating her, you’re at least very interested in her,” Marco said. Luis nodded in agreement. “So… what’s her name? Is she in your class?” 

Lance wanted to scream. He wanted to flip the fucking table. He hated the panic that infiltrated his chest the second people started throwing female pronouns around. He hated that the default expectation was that he’d be with a girl. He hated that he felt frozen under their eyes, teasing without realizing the actual fear and anxiety they just unleashed in him. 

Without another word, he stood from the table and bolted. He noticed a few other people at different tables glance over at him, and the awkward hush that had fallen over his own table. But he kept walking. The anxiety in him was manifesting as energy he needed to let out, and if that meant opening the door a little too hard, then so be it. He went outside and walked around to the side of the diner to sit on the curb. 

He put his head in his hands and tried to take a deep breath. In that moment, he wanted to talk to Keith. He wanted to hear his voice and let it wash over him and calm him down. He wanted his hugs, and that reassuring kiss he liked to give him on his forehead before using his thumb to smooth out the crease between his eyes. 

But Keith wasn’t there. That was the hard reality, and wishing for him after being too scared to tell his brothers about him felt stupid. His mind began racing with worst case scenarios. 

What if Marco kept the kids away from him? What if they cancelled on Thanksgiving dinner? What if Luis stopped talking to him and didn’t even invite him to the wedding? 

Were those things Lance could actually imagine his brothers doing? No. Not after all those laughs as the ate pancakes at eight o'clock at night. Not after all those memories and the hugs they gave him when they first saw him. But they were very real fears in his heart. He had no idea what his family thought of same-sex relationships. For all he knew, it could be the worst imaginable thing to them.

“Lance?” He tensed when he felt a hand on his shoulders. Veronica sat beside him and he could hear Luis and Marco’s steps as they stood behind them. “ _ Flaco,”  _ she insisted, tugging at his shoulder gently. 

He took a breath and picked his head up. “Yeah. Yeah?” 

Veronica’s eyes held everything. The worry, the understanding, the promise of a secret. Even the apologies on behalf of their brothers because they didn’t know any better at that moment. 

“We weren’t trying to upset you, man. We were just messing around,” Marco said behind him. 

“Yeah. We didn’t even think it might have bothered you because of Allura. We didn’t know you went to see Coran until Vero told us,” Luis added. 

“That’s not-” Lance sighed and swallowed his words. He wasn’t angry with his brothers. They didn’t know. How were they supposed to? It was… everything else. Everything he didn’t want to explain to them the night before Thanksgiving. “I know. It’s cool, don’t worry about it. I didn’t mean to… barge out like that.” 

“Come on. Yeah you did,” Luis said with a smile. “You’ve always had a flair for the dramatic.” 

Lance chuckled at that and Marco sat beside him on the curb. “We’re sorry for pushing.” 

“It’s cool. It’s what siblings do,” Lance said. He felt Veronica squeeze his shoulder again. “Sorry for… ruining the mood.” 

“Ah, family gathering are never really family gatherings without an awkward moment, right?” Marco said. “Come on, let’s get back to Mami’s.”

They got off the ground and Luis threw an arm around his shoulders, jostling him playfully. “We good?” Lance smiled and nodded. “Cool. And hey, next time we’re pushing too much… just tell us, okay? We’ll stop.” 

Once again biting his tongue, Lance faked a smile and nodded. “Okay. I will. Thanks.” 

Despite the fact that his brothers apologized and had picked the banter back up in the car, Lance’s heart wasn’t in it. He was too wrapped in his own head now. He passed it off as being tired, and his brothers pretended to believe it. 

They left a little later, and Lance quickly dashed into the shower before going to bed so he could avoid anymore heart to heart talks. As he laid in bed, he checked his phone and saw a text from Keith. 

_ Hey pretty boy. Haven’t heard from you today you doing okay? _

Lance smiled to himself, his heart fluttering. A check up text wasn’t something Keith would’ve sent when they first met. It was nice to know Lance was important to him now. 

_ Yeah, im good babe. Sorry. Just been all over the place today visiting people and all. How was your day? _

Lance stayed up a few more hours talking with Keith. For those moments, secluded in his room with Keith keeping him company through the phone, Lance felt better. He wasn’t so focused on the anxiety of coming out to brothers and his parents. He wasn’t worried about what would happen after. He was just there, smiling at the things Keith said, and feeling flustered beyond belief. 

He started falling asleep at some point, and barely managed to send a goodnight text before his eyelids became too heavy. 

The following day, like any holiday in the McClain household, everyone was up before nine. Lance wasn’t particularly fond of it, but Veronica loved the chance to toss him onto the floor to wake him up. After eating some  _ carnitas  _ his dad brought home, his mama and Veronica started cleaning the house while his papa whisked him away to the yard. 

“Wanna clean out the garage or mow the lawn?” he asked as he opened the garage door. 

“I can mow,” Lance offered. His dad smiled and rolled the lawn mower out. Before Lance even managed to get it going, he saw his dad bring out a cooler. “Pa, you know Mami doesn’t like for you to drink when we’re gonna have a big dinner,” Lance shouted over the motor. 

His dad conveniently pretended not to hear him. 

After mowing the grass, Lance still had to help with what was left of the garage. But his dad also let him sneak a beer of his own while they worked. Lance listened to his father sing along with a booming voice to the Spanish music on the speaker he had. It was fun to see because his dad liked to dance in place sometimes as he cleaned, his feet skidding along to the music. Lance knew it was one of the things that swept his mom off her feet. She loved how he danced, how he could twirl and spin her to the songs that played endlessly. He’d heard her tell the story of falling in love with him.

“Pa?” His dad hummed in question before drinking more out of his beer bottle. “How’d you fall for Mami?” 

“ _ Como?  _ Where did that come from?” 

Lance shrugged. “She always talks about how you’d take her dancing on dates. I’ve heard her version of how she fell in love, but I never asked yours.” 

His papa chuckled as he swept some of the mess out of the garage. “Well. I met her at a dance.” Lance knew that much. “She was in a pretty sparkly dress. You know how she loves sparkles.” Lance laughed and nodded. “Her hair though. All the girls had their hair curled, or tied up in a bun or in  _ trenzas.  _ Not your mom. Your mom had her hair loose, no braids, no curls. Just long, brown hair over her shoulders. I saw her and… I don’t know. I couldn’t look away.  _ Algo de ella como que….  _ I just had to talk to her.” Lance looked up from the trash he was gathering to look at his father. 

There was a fond look in his eyes. A look that told Lance he was still just as in love as he had been when he was younger. A smile that made Lance long for that kind of connection. 

“So I did. I asked her to dance, and she said yes. The smile on her face each time I spun her was the most beautiful smile I’d seen in my life. We got some food from a food truck by the club we were at with the friends we went with. She kept laughing at everything I said, and I wasn’t even making jokes!” 

Lance smiled as he thought of the way his mom described the same moment. She’d said his father kept using all these flirty lines on her that she couldn’t take seriously. But she liked the way he made her laugh. 

“Her laugh was more beautiful than her smile. And I decided right then that I wanted to hear it again and again and again.” 

“You knew that fast that Mami was the one you’d marry?” Lance asked. 

“No. I knew she was the one I wanted to marry the day we had our first big fight.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows. He hadn’t heard this part. “ _ Me gustaba andar de mujeriego.  _ At least until I met your mom. Well, one girl that lived a block away from me wasn’t very happy with that, and she made a big scene at my house while your mom was visiting. We’d been dating about six months. We ended up arguing that day. Really badly.” He shrugged and took a breath as he leaned against the broom handle. “I realized that even though we were mad at each other, and even though we said stupid things, I still wanted to be with her and only her. So I went to talk to her the next day and apologized. I proposed two months later.” 

Lance let out soft laugh as he stared at his father. He couldn’t believe that. He couldn’t believe the way people could make things work so fast. It was the kind of stuff that happened in TV shows, and yet it happened to his parents. “Wow. So you were a player, huh, Pa?” 

His dad laughed heartily and shook his head. “Answers vary.” 

“Oh yeah? How so?” 

“I would say yes. Your mami would say it was all talk.” Lance laughed and figured that sounded about right. “ _ Orale, pues,  _ stop trying to get out of cleaning. We’re almost done,  _ m’ijo.”  _

Lance rolled his eyes, and nodded before taking the trash out to the bin. They snuck another beer in before going back inside once they were done. The smell of Fabuloso permeated the entire house. The kitchen was pristine, and there was music playing on the speaker in the living room. He could hear his mom and sister singing along to Enrique Iglesias from different parts of the house. 

Then Veronica came from the hallway with her hair up in a ponytail and pushed back with a headband. 

“How do you get sweaty from mopping?” Lance asked, noting the way her baby curls stuck to her forehead. Her eyes narrowed, and he immediately regretted speaking. “Never mind, never mind, I’m sorry!” 

“Uh-huh. Here, take this bathroom trash out.” She gave him the the bag and turned back down the hallway. Lance grimaced, but took it out quickly before getting back inside. 

With the garage, lawn, and house as clean as possible, they took turns taking a shower and getting ready. Mami and Veronica had to be first because they had to do their hair and their makeup. Lance was next because even though he didn’t use makeup, he did like to mess with his outfit and his hair. Papa was always the quickest to get ready, so he was the last. 

The turkey had been in the oven, and by the time Lance went to shower, the other side dishes were quickly made. About an hour later, Marco and his kids arrived. Then Luis with his girlfriend, Maya. Lance figured this was Luis’ way of alluding to the fact that he was thinking about marriage since he knew Mami had a rule about bringing people home. 

Nadia and Sylvio were very excited to see Lance, and they immediately tackled him onto the couch to hug him and torment him in the way six year old twins do. 

“Uncle! Uncle look! My toof fell out!” Nadia said, sliding her tongue where her canine tooth should’ve been. 

“Oh! It did! Gonna call you  _ Chimuela  _ now.  _ Te trajo dinero el ratón?”  _ he asked. Nadia nodded and held up her five fingers to show she had five dollars. “That’s awesome!” 

“Uncle Lance, look, I got Pikachu on Pokemon Go!” Sylvio said, showing him the phone he’d been given for his birthday from his mom’s side. He showed Lance the catalog of pokemon he had caught and how he named them all different things, speaking through a congested nose. 

Luis and Maya brought a green bean casserole and mofongo stuffing. Meanwhile Marco brought flan and a chocolate cake which he’d made with the kids. It was kind of funny seeing the mix of American and Hispanic foods. As the placemats were being set up and plates were taken out so people could serve themselves, and the food was arranged, Lance felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. 

He pulled it out to see Keith’s caller ID. He answered with a questioning, “Hello?” 

“Hey, pretty boy.” Oh, how Lance missed that voice. A smile immediately stretched across his face. “Busy?” 

“We’re getting ready to eat. What about you?” 

“Uncle Lance, are you gonna eat my cake?” Slyvio asked. 

“Yeah, little man of course. I just gotta eat real food. I’ll be right back, okay?” Sylvio nodded and Lance went out the front door so he could hear without the sound of his very loud family distracting him. He went to lean against the tailgate of his dad’s work truck. “Hey, sorry. Hispanic families getting ready to eat are always kind of hectic.” 

“It’s okay,” Keith answered with a light laugh. “It’s good that you’re having a good time. We actually already ate, and they’re getting ready for Black Friday.” Lance grimaced and groaned, which made Keith laugh a little more. “Yeah, I know. We’re those people. But anyway, I don’t want to keep you from your family and your food for too long, so…. Uh, I just wanted to let you know that…. Well, I know it’s not exactly the most romantic holiday or anything, but… I’m thankful for you this year. For sticking around and… you know, proving me wrong in the best ways.” Lance couldn’t think for a moment. He was rendered speechless. “I’m sorry, that was cheesy, I-”

“No, no, no, no!” Lance interrupted. “No! No, it was… it was really sweet,” Lance answered, laughing and blushing. He kicked at the ground and looked up at the dark sky. “I’m just processing it. I’m not used to you saying stuff like that. But I like it.” Lance took a deep breath and shut his eyes. “I’m thankful for you too, you know?” 

“Yeah?” Keith asked. Lance could hear the nervousness even in the laughter he used to try and cover it up. 

“Of course. I’m thankful that…. Look, you’re…. I know you don’t really know the whole story, but you’re….” He sighed and opened his eyes. He ran a hand through his hair and stared out at the street. 

He must have been quiet for too long, because Keith nervously asked, “You still there?” 

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m here. Sorry. Words haven’t been my forte lately.” He let out another shaky breath. “Listen. You don’t know the whole extent of it, but… believe me when I say you’re really important to me. Everything we have…. Keith, I never thought something like this would happen after… my last relationship. So yeah, I’m thankful for you too. And everything you don’t even know you’ve done for me.” 

There was a soft sigh on the other end. “Yeah, I know the feeling,” Keith whispered. “I… I miss you.” 

Lance smiled and felt the knot in his throat dissolving slightly. “I miss you too.” 

“Okay, okay, I don’t want to keep you. Call me if you can later tonight. Or just text me. Enjoy your food, okay?” 

“Okay I will. Bye, enjoy the Black Friday shopping.” Keith let out a groan which made Lance laugh before he said bye and hung up. Lance hung up and smiled at the sky for a second before he turned to head back up the driveway to the front door. Only to freeze when he saw Luis standing next to the truck, looking like a deer in headlights.

For a second they just stared at each other. Lance’s entire body felt like ice. Something about the look on Luis’ face told him he hadn’t just come out of the house. 

“Luis. Wh-What are you doing? How long have you- how long-? What did you-?” Panic flared in his body, compelling him to get on the defensive. “What the hell did you hear, Luis!” 

Luis didn’t answer, his mouth opening and closing like he didn’t want to speak. Suddenly Lance couldn’t breathe. He physically couldn’t hold enough air in his lungs. His brain couldn’t think enough to process the fact that he needed to breathe, and words kept trying to tumble out, robbing him of more breath as the panic rose in him until he was stammering with tears in his eyes. 

“Whoa, hey,” Luis said, gripping his face with one hand. His fingers dug into his cheeks, and Lance still couldn’t stop hyperventilating, couldn’t stop trying to simultaneously think of a way out of this and try to figure out what Luis had heard. “Lance!” Everything was blurry and confusing and Lance was certain the ground was moving under him. He was vaguely aware of Luis’ hand gently slapping his cheek several time to get him focus. “Lance! It’s okay, hey, you’re alright, it’s okay, look at me.” Lance finally managed to shut his mouth. “You’re shaking, man.” Luis’ hand moved to grip the back of his neck, steadying him. “I got you. It’s alright, Lance.” 

“Y-You’re not supposed to eavesdrop on people, you asshole,” Lance managed to say, his words practically tumbling over each other. 

Luis brought him into hug. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I know, I’m so sorry.” Luis hugged him until he was able to regain some type of slower rhythm to his breaths. “I was just… I didn’t think….” Luis sighed and pulled away, keeping his hands firm on Lance’s shoulders. “Don’t cry,  _ manito.  _ I’m sorry. This should’ve been something you told me when you were ready. We thought you were hiding a girlfriend, and I was just gonna tease you, I didn’t mean to….” He shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Lance. I won’t say anything, I promise.” 

“Oh my God,” Lance breathed out. “Am I still invited to the wedding?” 

“What?” 

Lance shook his head. “I thought you’d be mad, or…. I don’t know, I was scared you wouldn’t invite me, or… I don’t know, Luis, I was scared-”

“ _ Ey, calmate.  _ C’mon. Of course you’re invited. I need my best man there.” Lance stared at him with wide eyes. “I was… planning on asking differently, but hey. Obviously shit changes…. Partners in crime, right? Ride or die?” 

“Really?” 

Luis nodded and gave him a sad smile. “I’m not mad, man. Why would I be mad? A little… surprised. I need to… wrap my head around it, but…. It’s _ okay,  _ Lance. Come on, don’t cry. You know Mami’s gonna ask questions if you do. Come on, it’s Thanksgiving, we got food we gotta eat, okay?” Lance nodded, still shaky and uncertain. “I won’t say anything. And whenever you’re ready, we’ll talk more about all of this.” Lance nodded again, and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “Come on.” Luis threw an arm over his shoulder and led him back to the door. 

When they got back inside, everyone was still talking over each other, trying to get the kids food while also getting their own and figuring out the seating at the table. Luis tousled his hair lightly before blending into the chaos. He grabbed a plate and led his girlfriend to the table. Lance managed to grab a minimal amount of food since his nervousness and the fear that had coursed through him diminished his hunger significantly. 

When he sat down, everyone had to wait until everyone had their food and was seated so they could say a prayer before eating. Mami led it, of course, and once “ _ amen”  _ was said, everyone immediately started eating. It seemed that Luis had mentioned Maya coming to dinner before because Mami wasn’t surprised about it. But it seemed she might have caught on a bit to what was going on because most of her focus was on Maya. 

That was fine by Lance. He was still trying to gather himself. Veronica was busy with the kids, and Marco was talking to their papa. Once most of the food was gone and all that littered the table were beer bottles and soda cans, the kids started watching a movie in the living room while the adults talked at the table. Lance busied himself by gathering the trash and arranging the dishes so they didn’t look so intimidating in the sink. Before he could decide to just go ahead and wash them to give himself more time to get over his shock, Veronica pulled him aside. 

“Hey,  _ flaco,  _ you okay? You barely spoke during dinner, and you hardly ate.” Lance nodded. “What’s wrong?” Her voice lowered. “Did something happen with Keith?” 

He shook his head, then looked at her. “Luis found out. About Keith. He called me earlier and Luis overheard. He’s cool with it, I’m just… still reeling from everything” 

Veronica’s eyebrows went up as her jaw fell open. “Oh shit.” She turned to look into the dining room where the others were still talking and joking loudly. “H-How do you feel?” 

“I’m fine,” Lance snapped. Then he sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m fine. I’m just trying to catch up. I wasn’t expecting it and I wasn’t expecting for this to happen today, and I wasn’t expecting the reaction.” He scratched his head nervously. “And now I keep thinking about how to tell everyone else.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I just need to distract myself.” Veronica bit her lip and hesitated. “What?” 

She winced and shrugged. “It’s just. Usually when you got anxious about something, you would write. Maybe you should try that.” 

Lance grimaced and stared at his hands. “Maybe. I think I'll check on Hunk and Pidge first. I haven't heard from them.” Veronica sighed, but pretended to believe Lance's lie. She smiled and then took the cake to the table. 

Lance went into the living room to hang out with Nadia and Sylvio as he texted his friends. He didn't want to tell them about the emotional exhaustion he was feeling. He just wanted to catch up with his friends. He wanted to hear about the scientific argument Pidge’s family had because that's what their dinner talk typically consisted of, if not about some recent study. He wanted to hear about the newest recipe Hunk learned that day because his mom and sister always had a new thing to teach him when they had holiday dinners. 

Nadia tugged on his arm at some point when the group chat was making plans to go see a movie when they got back from break. 

“Tio, can you make me a braid like Elsa? Papi didn't know how to, and I got a  _ chongo. _ ” 

Lance chuckled and gestured for her to sit in front of him. “Sure thing, Chimuela.” 

As Lance work on getting Nadia's long hair into a braid, Sylvio peeked up from his phone. “Uncle Lance, how do you do that? Who taught you?” 

“Your abuelita. Wanna learn?” Sylvio hesitated before sitting next to Lance and watching. “See, you take some more hair and add it, then loop it under here, like this.” Lance went slower so Sylvio could see until he finished the braid and Nadia stroked it happily. “Maybe next time Sylvio can do it for you,” Lance said. “I used to do them for Tia Vero.” 

“I won't be able to do them like you though, Uncle Lance.” 

“That's okay,” Nadia said. “Tio, can we play the PlayStation? I wanna play Minecraft.” 

“Plants vs. Zombies is better,” Sylvio argued.

Lance stopped them before they could start arguing. “We can play both, yeah? Each one for a little bit.” They nodded and Lance set up the game for them. 

It was funny how much better these six year olds were than him. And they had no problem teasing him about it. So while his dad and brothers went to keep drinking in the garage, and his mom, sister, and future sister-in-law talked over coffee and cake, Lance distracted himself by playing with his niece and nephew. They made him laugh and kept him busy by forcing him to play the game or rambling about something that they were learning in school or TV shows they liked. 

“You're really good with kids,” he heard. Lance glanced over at Maya who was smiling at the television. 

“Ah, thanks. Mami says Luis and I never grew up.” 

“You're telling me. Luis still gets excited when the ice cream truck drives by.” Lance laughed at that shrugged. “Well hey, let me know if you want us to take them off your hands, okay? The guys are all outside.” 

“Oh, it's cool. Thanks, Maya.” 

She nodded and went into the kitchen. Lance looked at his niece and nephew. They were both leaning forward as they played. Something heavy settled in his chest. 

Fear was exhausting. When he started liking Keith, he didn't expect all of these anxieties and worries to come with it. He hadn't thought about it. Maybe that was on purpose in a way. Not thinking about having to come out and what to do if it went wrong let him focus on Keith. On getting to know him and falling for him a little more each day. 

Now though, the reality was right in his face. He imagined his mami crying, his father screaming, Nadia and Sylvio confused because they weren't allowed to see their uncle anymore. 

But he'd thought of worst case scenarios with Vero and Luis. And they didn't happen. His brother and sister accepted him, still loved him, and they would support him. Maybe with Luis and Veronica to help, he would be able to tell Marco too. And if things got more serious with Keith, he'd find a way to tell his parents. 

Distracted by looping thoughts, Lance hadn’t noticed the hours pass by. He was both hypnotized by the cycle of video games and occasional outbursts from Nadia and Sylvio and absorbed by his own thoughts and scenarios. He kept thinking of different ways to say it. To bring it up. Kept thinking of the repercussions from the very best- a party thrown in celebration which Lance knew was definitely not going to happen- to the very worst. He didn’t particularly like indulging in the worst. He tried to simply hope that if the very best scenario couldn’t happen, then the worst couldn’t either. 

It was well past midnight by the time Marco came back inside to say goodbye. He started saying goodbye to the women at the table, then he moved to the living room to get his kids. Lance spread his arms over Nadia and Sylvio’s sleeping bodies, playfully glaring up at Marco.

“You sober?” Marco rolled his eyes and nodded. “Walk a straight line with your finger on your nose.” 

“Oh my God, Lance-”

“Do it!” Marco scoffed, but a smile tugged at his lips as he walked a straight line across the living room. Then he spread his arms as if to ask,  _ Well?  _ Lance hummed. “How much did you drink?” 

“Lance, I’m fine,” Marco said with a laugh. “I had a beer during dinner, then two more outside. I haven’t had a beer since before midnight, and I haven’t even gotten tipsy. Dad on the other hand is already belting out his songs and talking about his childhood, so.... Gimme my kids, asshole.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Lance said. “I can help carry them.” Marco picked Nadia up and Lance took Sylvio. 

“You braided her hair?” Marco noted. Lance nodded, grimacing as he waited on the teasing. When he would braid Veronica’s, Marco always teased him for it because it was girly until their mama got him in trouble for it. Instead, Marco asked, “You think you could teach me before you go back to school? She always asks me to try and I tried YouTube, but it’s confusing as shit. I’m kind of embarrassed to ask Mami.” 

Lance smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I can show you. If you don’t mind being girly.” Marco rolled his eyes and smiled back. Nadia and Sylvio only woke up for a brief second to shift in their seats to sleep better when they strapped them in. “Alright, I’ll see you later, Marco.” 

“Bye,  _ flaco.  _ I’ll text when I’m home.” Lance hugged him before he got into the car and watched him drive off. 

He walked over to the garage where Luis was laughing and singing along with their dad. “ _ Te va pegar la cruda, Pa,”  _ Lance said, as his father sang dramatically in response to the light chiding. 

“That’s why your mami hid another carton in the house. Tomorrow’s remedy!” He laughed and kept singing, which made Lance laugh. 

He looked at Luis, feeling a little awkward and unsure. “How drunk are you?” 

“Just a little tipsy,” he said with a smile. “Most of these are Pa’s bottles. But I might head out with Maya soon.” Lance opened his mouth, and Luis interrupted him. “Don’t worry she’s driving.” Lance chuckled and nodded. “Man, three years of college and still the same you, huh?” 

Lance smiled and sat next to him. “Shit, they showed one drunk driving video in high school and I got traumatized.” 

Luis chuckled, but before their conversation could continue, their dad belted a chorus of the song playing on the speaker. 

Then he turned to Lance and started rambling, all in Spanish like he tended to do when he was drunk. He told Lance not to give up on school, that he had so many opportunities, that he was a role model for Marco’s kids. It was the same stuff Lance was used to hearing from him anytime he drank more than he should’ve. He shared a look with Luis as they held back their laughter. 

“ _ De que se rien?  _ I’m serious. I don’t know about all this writing stuff, but you’re in there. You already got more chances to do something than me and your mami.” Lance kept smiling, reminding himself that it was fine if his dad didn’t see the importance of writing. “ _ Nos vas a hacer muy orgullosos, m’ijo.”  _ He continued singing under his breath, suddenly staring out at the driveway as though in contemplation. 

Lance sighed and looked down smudging a puddle of spilled beer with the toe of his shoe. Luis nudged him and furrowed his eyebrows, his head bobbing only slightly in question. Lance shook his head and gave him a fake smile. Luis didn’t seem to buy it, but he didn’t press either. 

Proud. He was gonna make his family proud. That word was suddenly a lot heavier as an LGBT first-gen Latino than it was when he was just a first-gen Latino. 

He saw Luis foot scooting closer until he was obnoxiously hitting it against Lance’s. He looked up with a quirk of his eyebrow. Luis leaned over and said, “Just so you know, you’ve already made us proud,  _ huesos.”  _

Lance clenched his jaw to get a grip on the knot building in his throat. He smiled at his brother and nodded. “Thanks, Luis.” 

Luis squeezed his shoulder then stood up to face their dad. “Pa, I gotta go, I’ll see you later, alright?” Lance got up and quickly followed after Luis as he went inside. As Luis hugged and said goodbye to Veronica and Mami, Lance worked on calming his nerves. 

Once Luis got to him, Lance interrupted before he could start saying goodbye. “Actually. I was wondering if…. Okay, so, um. I wanna tell Marco… y’know since you and Vero know-”

“Veronica knows?” he exclaimed. Lance shushed him, but thankfully Maya was occupying Mami’s attention enough to where she didn’t notice. Veronica did though.

She frowned and walked over to them. “What about me?” 

With a groan, Lance said, “Yes. Vero knows. But the point is, I was hoping… maybe you guys could be with me when I tell Marco.” 

Vero and Luis shared a look. “I mean, yeah. But what, you think you’ll need us as bodyguards or something?” Luis asked. 

“N-no. More just… for support, I guess. He’s probably coming tomorrow so… I don’t know maybe we could go somewhere or….” 

“We’ll be there,” Vero promised. “And it’s gonna be fine,  _ flaco.”  _ Lance winced and shrugged. Worst case scenarios. Best case scenarios. 

“Yeah, we’ll be there.” Luis hugged Lance tightly, for a little longer than their hugs usually lasted. “I love you, Lance. We all do.” Lance sighed and nodded into his shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow then, yeah?” Luis tousled his hair again before getting to the door with Maya.

They waved and went out the door. Lance took a breath and Veronica playfully nudged his shoulder. She smiled at him, and Lance figured that with two siblings who supported him, things would be okay. 

Their mom went outside to sit with their dad, while Lance and Veronica cleared out the trash. Tomorrow would be another cleaning day, at least in the morning. Shortly after, Lance saw his parents come back inside. They wished them goodnight and went to their room. Veronica started going into hers, but Lance stopped her. 

“Could you help me with something?” 

She raised an eyebrow. “With what?” 

He bit his lip nervously. “Could you help me search up the terms? I’ve been a little freaked out to because of the labels and… I don’t know I felt like I wasn’t allowed because Keith is the first guy I like and…. I don’t know. But I wanna figure it out so I know what to say and how to explain it.” 

Veronica smiled at him and nodded. “Yeah, let’s do our research,  _ manito.”  _ She gestured for him to go into her room and started her laptop up. 

\--

The next day, Marco came over after he got out of work. Luis showed a little after, just in time for dinner. Lance couldn’t bring himself to eat with how nervous he felt. He kept going over what he planned on saying in his head, and even practiced his responses to each possible reaction. 

It almost felt like being a kid again. With his siblings at the table, reaching over each other for lime, salt, salsa, napkins, a refill. With his dad half watching the Discovery Channel in Spanish, half cracking jokes that no one laughed at until they did. With his mom chiding them over talking more than eating and claiming their dad was more like a kid than an adult, but still laughing at the things they said.

Meanwhile, Lance was quiet, moving his food around and occasionally eating like he used to when he was upset with his school report card. Feeling like a kid made him wonder why he never knew about this part of himself when he was a kid, but he stopped that train of thought immediately. He didn’t need another thing to have a crisis about. 

When dinner was over, Veronica suggested going for coffee. Luis offered to drive. Marco agreed only if he was in charge of music. Lance simply followed behind them, his hands in his pockets to keep them from shaking. 

The car ride consisted of songs from Lance’s childhood- early 2000s pop, hip-hop, and rock that had Veronica and Luis singing along through laughter. Veronica took Lance’s hand and held it through their mini-concert until they got to the cafe. It was the same one Lance had met with Romelle at. 

It had been so much easier to tell her. Lance didn’t even think twice before telling Hunk and Pidge. Meanwhile, with his siblings, the same people who had grown up with him and knew him better than anyone…. Each time he’d had to come out to them, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

Lance waited until everyone had a coffee. They sat at a table in the far corner of the cafe. It wasn’t too busy, so it felt private enough. Luis and Veronica filled the time with idle chatter, occasionally glancing over at Lance like they wanted a cue. 

Then Marco said, “Alright, what gives? Lance you’re always talking non-stop, and I haven’t heard a word from you since you said hi to me when I got to Mami’s. And these two didn’t object to my choosing the music at all. What’s going on?” 

Veronica and Luis sat back in their chairs, exposed. Lance looked at Marco and talked himself through breathing. 

He gulped and tried sitting up straight. “I have to tell you something.” Marco frowned and crossed his arms. “I don’t know how you’ll take it, but…. I wasn’t planning on saying anything yet, but then I figured why not. I mean I’m going to at some point, so… I may as well, right?” 

Marco glanced at Luis in confusion, but Luis wasn’t looking at him. Marco’s attention returned to Lance. “Okay, what the fuck? What’s going on? Are you sick or something?” 

“No! No, I’m not….” Another deep breath. He shut his eyes and let the words settle on his tongue. He was so tired. “Marco, I’m seeing a guy.” 

When there was no response, he opened his eyes and saw Marco looking at him with narrowed eyes. His eyes slowly went to Veronica, then to Luis. Then back to Lance. Marco’s arms unfolded and he gave a slight nod. “Okay…. Is that it?” 

Lance’s eyebrows went up. Veronica let out a nervous laugh. Luis slouched in his seat. Of all the scenarios Lance thought of, he hadn’t thought of this one, as normal as it seemed to come off. 

“Wait…. What?”

Marco shrugged and gestured at Lance. “Man,  _ culero,  _ you got me over here thinking you murdered someone or something, this is a fucking relief.” Veronica laughed a little louder and Luis joined in. Lance was still in shock, but he was able to let himself smile. 

“So you don’t… you don’t care? Than I’m… uh… pan?” That was the first time Lance used the label out loud. It sent a funny feeling through him body.

“You’re a pan?” Marco repeated. 

Lance rolled his eyes. “Pansexual. I… I looked up some stuff with Vero because I didn’t know what label to use, and… it’s the one that felt the most fitting. It just means-”

“Romantic or sexual attraction to a person regardless of gender or sex,” Luis intervened. He smiled when the three of them fixed him with a surprised look. “I wanted to make sure I didn’t ask anything stupid, so… I did some research when I got home. My guess was between bi or pan, so… I was right.”

Lance couldn’t help but break into a smile.

“Alright, but hold up,” Marco snapped. Lance looked at him nervously, expecting a lecture. “I’m the last to know? What the hell, man, I’m the oldest!” 

“I was scared you’d want to keep Nadia and Sylvio away from me or something.” 

The playfulness in Marco’s eyes melted. The laughter was gone. Marco sighed and pushed his coffee aside to lean on the table, his hands interlocked in the center. “Lance. You are my baby brother. You’re the same kid I nearly beat a 12 year old for when I was 17 because you came home with a split lip. The same brother I binged cartoons with even though I thought I was too old for them. The same brother who was so excited to see Nadia and Sylvio the day they were born, you practically ran through the whole hospital and cried when I said you were too young to be godfather.” Marco reached over and grabbed his hand. “You’re the same brother I’ve picked fights with, teased, defended, laughed with, and cried with. You are still  _ you.  _ You loved a girl. You like a boy. That doesn’t change the fact that I love you. And it definitely won’t make me keep the kids from you. You’re a good uncle Lance. If anything, you’re gonna be able to show my kids that they can be whoever they want, and that they can embrace it. You’re gonna teach them to take chances and how to be brave.” 

The tears streaming down Lance’s face were expected. Though Lance had expected them to be out of pain or hurt. Instead, he was crying from a mixture of relief and the emotions that came from hearing what his brother saw in him. Veronica was crying too, but she was catching each tear before they had a chance to trail down her face. Luis put a hand on Lance’s shoulder and shook him gently. 

“I told you that you already made us proud, Lance.” 

Marco nodded, clenching his jaw and squeezing Lance’s hand slightly before he pulled back and took a break. 

“Oh come on, Marco!” Veronica said, shoving him. “You know you want to cry,  _ deja de aguantarte.”  _ Marco scoffed, but sure enough, tears filled his eyes. 

The siblings laughed nervously, and Lance tried to get a grip on himself so he could talk. “I know we’re Latinos and we’re not supposed to have heart to hearts,” he started, earning a laugh from his siblings. “But I really can’t thank you guys enough.” He’d planned to say more, but his voice broke and he had to hold back another slew of tears. 

“Fuck it,” Marco muttered. He got up, dragging Veronica with him and came around the small table to engulf Lance in a hug. Luis stood up, and Lance was immediately surrounded by all three of his siblings’ warmth. He felt Veronica kiss his forehead, could feel Luis’ hand wrapped tightly around his arm, and Marco was holding them all together. “But seriously, nobody scare me like that again, Jesus Christ.” 

They laughed and broke apart to take their seats again. Lance wiped at his eyes, half-laughing at himself. All that worry and fear felt far away now that he could see his siblings smiling and laughing around him. 

“So, you gonna tell us his name?” Marco asked. 

“Or tell us how this happened?” Luis added. 

Veronica grabbed his arm. “ _ Show them a picture.”  _

There were so many emotions built up in Lance’s chest, ranging from relief to love. His cheeks hurt from smiling and his breaths were shaky from the release of all the anxiety. “Alright, alright. Hold on.” Lance grabbed his phone and scrolled through the pictures on his phone. He showed them the one he managed to snap of Keith when they were on the ferris wheel. “His name is Keith. I met him at a party-”

“Well, some things never change,” Luis mumbled. Lance rolled his eyes and nudged him. “So… you just met him and were into him? No… panic about liking guys or major revelation?”

“Where exactly did you do your research?” Veronica asked with a snort. Luis made a face at her. 

“Well…. I mean, I was confused. I saw him, and I noticed I kept seeing him. Like I was looking for him without meaning to. I’d try to stop staring because that’s fucking weird, but… my eyes kept going back. He said he noticed, so he came up to me.”

“So  _ he  _ made the first move?” Marco asked. Lance shrugged. “Okay, okay, go on.” 

“You’re holding back,” Veronica noticed. Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “When you were telling me about it, it was like you were writing a romance novel. Now you’re trying to make it less gooey.” 

“Well first of all,” Luis said, “I think I speak for both of us when we say we’re offended this one knows everything already. And second of all- I heard that phone call. You are a fucking sap. So tell the story in your Lance way. Your poetic way.” 

Lance hesitated. It was strange to go into his feelings for this guy with his brothers. Veronica was right- it was different talking about the same thing when the people you talked to were different. He’d built up a series of frat-boy stories for his brothers, and he was scared to make them uncomfortable or something. 

“We won’t make fun of you, we promise. Look, we all know what a big deal this is for you. Honestly, we’ve been hoping for this day.” Marco gave him a reassuring smile. 

“If the smile that immediately spread on your face the second you said his name says anything…. Well, it’s a relief to see you like this,  _ flaco,”  _ Luis added. “So come on.” He gestured with his hand, prompting Lance to continue. 

And with that, it all flooded out. Every little thing about Keith that made his heart flutter, the things he’d been dying to say to anyone who didn’t know him all tumbled out of him without pause. 

He told them about his scrunched-nose smile, about the way he tended to pick at the skin on his fingers when he was anxious until Lance grabbed his hand, the way he’d tear up at movies but refuse to cry in serious situations. He told them about the way Keith always used a headband and a low ponytail to keep his hair back when he rehearsed, and how he’d close his eyes and listen when Lance read a poem, and how he liked to play with sugar packets when they went out to eat. He told them about how easy it was to make Keith blush even though he was blushing too as he said it.

“God, he’s just… he’s amazing. Y’know, it’s not like- I don’t feel like I’m fixing him. He’s gone through shit, but he doesn’t feel bad for himself or anything. He was guarded and careful, yeah, but…. I don’t know. I think he’s one of the strongest, most beautiful people I’ve met.” 

“How long has this been going on?” Luis asked. 

“Since like… really late September? Early October? We’re… not dating, so we don’t have an actual timestamp…. Things just sort of fell into place.” The look on his brothers’ faces made Lance wonder if he had somehow insulted them with the fact that they weren’t official. “Look, it’s worked out that way! He had some stuff to work through, and then there was this sort of ex that made things a lot harder and then there was my poetry-”

“What?” Marco interrupted. 

Lance took a deep breath and started explaining the mess with Roland and the way that Keith had burst when Lance refused to show him his poetry at first. Veronica didn’t know about any of it either, so she’d immediately sat up straighter when Lance told them everything. Once they were up to date, Lance sighed. “It hasn’t all been perfect. Right now having no label works for us, you know?” 

Marco shared a look with Luis then looked at Lance incredulously. “Lance you gotta be shitting me.” Lance frowned. “You go through all this shit- realizing you’re pan, trying to get him to trust you, taking him on dates, handling this ridiculous ex- and you won’t even ask the guy out?” 

Beside him, Veronica nodded in agreement. “I think it’s time,  _ manito.”  _

“Ask him out. Ask him out. Ask him out,” Luis chanted. 

“No, no, no, wait-” Marco joined in on the chanting, along with beating on the table. “Guys,  _ no,  _ shush!” And then Veronica. “Oh my God, you assholes,” Lance said with his face in his hands. But he was smiling too. Because the moment felt normal. Because he could breathe.


	17. Addiction

Holidays were always a little awkward. Keith was able to celebrate twice, but it still left him with a feeling of guilt when he spent the  _ real  _ holiday with his foster family. Still, his mom always looked excited when she saw him, even if it was the day after. 

She was out the door of her house the second Keith pulled up with his motorcycle. “Keith! I hope you’re hungry. I’ve got a small turkey in the oven and it’s almost ready.” She stuffed her hands in her pockets as Keith got off the motorcycle, like she was refraining from hugging him. 

“Yeah! For sure,” Keith answered with a smile. 

He stood in front of her until she gave in and wrapped her arms around him. Her hold was soft, like she didn’t want to hurt him. “I’ve missed you,” she said. “It’s been a while since you visited.” 

Keith sighed and tried his best to enjoy the hug. It was still so awkward with her, like they didn’t fully know each other. And maybe part of it was his fault for not trying to see her more often. “I know. I’m sorry,” he answered. He hugged her a little tighter in apology, and her arms tightened a little too. When she loosened her grip, Keith pulled away and shrugged. “It’s just been a little hectic at school. Senior year and all.” 

“Do you want to tell me about it?” she asked. “We’ve got a lot to catch up on.” She squeezed his arm then led the way back into the house. The creaking sound of the three wooden steps that led to the door sounded vaguely familiar from previous times he’d been there. The creak of the screen door and the hard scrape of the main door as it chipped a little more dirty white paint from the door frame it was badly hinged onto. 

Inside felt cozy. A small couch, a TV on a stand with a few movies and a cabinet with knick knacks. There were a few photos of Keith, mostly as a teen from the photos the Shiroganes shared with her. The smell of savory food filled the small space, and Keith sat down at the small round table where he could see into the kitchen. 

“What have you been up to?” Keith asked, wincing to himself. It sounded like meeting up with a distant cousin more than visiting his mom. 

“Mostly working and a few personal projects to pass the time,” she answered. She moved around the kitchen, taking out plates and dishes with small portions of food on them. Perfect for a two-person Thanksgiving the day after Thanksgiving. “Yesterday I worked on a song and I watched some movies on the TV.” 

Keith's holidays were never bad, even before the Shiroganes. Whether in the orphanage when he was small or with any of his foster parents, he always had food and someone to spend it with. Hearing the way Karina spent her holidays broke his heart and worsened his guilt. 

When Keith first met her, he demanded answers. Why she left, why she took so long to look for him, what she'd done in all those years knowing he was out there. And she had been as honest as she could be. Keith believed her when she said she'd been in danger. And with the way she shook when she talked about it, he never asked for specifics. She promised to be around more. She was- at least when Keith accepted it. 

His foster parents weren't too fond of her, not only because they worried she would hurt Keith, but because of the strain she had put on their relationship with him. But Keith knew he was all the family she had. He couldn't just let go of it. 

“Could I hear the song after dinner?” 

She smiled and nodded before putting down a plate in front of him. “Of course. But tell me about school? How have your classes been? When is your graduation? How's that dance team going for you?” 

The good thing about not seeing his biological mother for so long at a time was that when he saw her again, they always had a lot to talk about. The bad thing was Keith always held some reserves as to what he could tell her. For example… she didn't know he was gay. 

It never posed a problem before. When he was seeing someone regularly, he wasn't supposed to be, or he had to keep it secret. There was no point in telling her. Now, most of the stories he wanted to tell her about had Lance in them. Now, Lance wasn't a secret he needed to keep from the world. 

“Is everything okay?” she asked as they cleared the table together. She looked nervous. 

“Yeah. Yeah, why?” 

She hesitated before shaking her head. “Nothing. You just seem a little distracted. Did… did your foster parents want you back at a certain hour?” 

Keith looked at her. She was very obviously trying to keep herself focused on the dishes she was stacking in the sink. Trying to put her feelings away so Keith wouldn't worry. It was something he was familiar with doing from time to time. 

“No,” he finally answered. “They're spending today with Adam and Shiro, shopping some more.” She hummed and nodded. “Actually… I wanted to tell you something. Or rather about someone.” 

She turned away from the sink and raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Is this a special someone?” Keith felt himself blush and Karina looked at him with a knowing smile. “It is, isn't it?” She laughed softly, sounding relieved as she gestured him over to the couch. “Okay, okay, tell me about her, then. What's her name?” 

Keith sat on the other end of the couch facing her. He reminded himself that his motorcycle was just outside. That if she called him names or wanted to kick him out, he could leave without looking back. He reminded himself that they didn't have a good enough relationship anyway for it to count as a loss of he had to cut her off. 

“Lance. His name is Lance.” 

He watched the smile melt from her face. Her eyebrows went up and her mouth fell open into a small O. Then her smile returned and she leaned her head on her hand as she faced him. “Lance, huh? So what's so special about him?” 

Even though Keith had been preparing himself to cut ties with Karina a few moments ago, assuring himself that never seeing her again wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, he couldn't help but feel a dizzying flood of relief when she asked that. “You're okay with it?” 

She scoffed and ran a hand through her short hair. “Keith…. When I found out I was pregnant with you, I was terrified. And the only thing getting me through that was the idea of holding you in my arms. And when I did…. When you were born, I loved you. I loved you with every fiber of being. I loved all eight pounds and two ounces of you.” 

Keith let out a soft breath. “You remember how much I weighed?” 

She nodded. “And the exact time you were born. Seven eleven pm.” She lifted a hand to reach towards Keith's before hesitating and placing her hand in her lap. “I lost you and it nearly drove me insane, Keith. But I loved you every day we were apart. And I thought of you every day. I did my best to get to a place where I could see you again without hurting you or putting you in danger. And now that I have you, I never plan on letting you go again. I'm your mom, even if I've done a really shitty job at it so far. And I love you so much. No matter what.” 

Keith took a deep breath and let it out shakily. Then he reached forward and took his mom's hand. “Thanks for not giving up on me. I won't give up on you either.” She squeezed his hand and smiled, trying to blink her tears away. 

Keith couldn't help but chuckle at how similar he was to his mom, even growing up away from her. 

“So, tell me. What is he like?” 

Keith bit his lip and smiled to himself. “He's… amazing. He's stubborn and compassionate and empathetic and…. He writes poetry and it's beautiful, especially the way he reads it. He's so thoughtful and not just with me. He's like that with everyone. You know, and it's such a relief to know that. To know that he's genuinely a good person, not just when it's convenient.”

He thought back to all the times Lance had proved that. The way he was careful to never put his arm around Keith's neck, the way he always made sure Hunk and Pidge were getting sleep, the way he'd been so understanding about Roland, and how he'd even brought food for Shiro when he visited. 

“He's honest and he's smart and…. I don't know. He doesn't hide me. He doesn't hurt me. He doesn't lie to me.” His mom frowned and tugged his arm slightly to get his attention. 

“Has… that happened before?” 

Keith gulped. “Yeah. Guys who just… aren't ready to be out or guys who told me one thing and did another. Assholes. It took me a long time to believe Lance wanted to stick around, but he has. And he's been so patient and understanding with me. He's shown me this whole new better side of what it's like to be with someone. I feel comfortable with him. I feel like I'm good enough.” Keith rubbed his face with his free hand, feeling like a schoolboy with a crush. “He makes me happy. God, and he has these gorgeous blue eyes that just…. I don't know why people came up with the phrase ‘drowning in blue eyes’ because that's a horrifying feeling.” Karina laughed. “When he looks at me, it's like I'm flying. Like I'm taking a breath of fresh air. And his smile, is just…. It's unfair how attractive he is when he smiles. He's got the light freckles and the one dimple and it's either this really dorky, big smile or this really flirty half smile and it just…. He has all these little habits that I don't think he even notices. Like how he eats in patterns. Or how he's always moving his leg, but when he's anxious, it's both. Or the way he quotes movies under his breath and taps his finger on the steering wheel to the beat of the song we're listening to. He'll start braiding my hair without realizing it or chew his nails when he's anxious.” 

“You're completely head over heels for him,” she teased, making Keith blush. “How long have you been dating?” 

This time, Keith hesitated. “We're not. It's not official or anything. He's taken me on a few dates and we hang out a lot. We just haven't put a name to it yet…. But I've known him since… late September?” Karina frowned at that, staring at him in disbelief. “It's just… I'm the first guy he's been with like this, and I… I don't want to rush him or anything. Dating can be a lot of pressure, and we don't need that. I don't need that.” 

“Uh-huh,” she said. Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “I mean if you say so.” 

“Wait. What? What's that supposed to mean?” 

She sighed and patted his hand. “I was your age once too, Keith. And my experience in the dating department wasn't great either. I understand not wanting a label or not wanting to rush things, but… at least acknowledge that they're your fears. Not his.” She lifted her hands in defense when Keith frowned. “I know, I know. I don't know you as well as… Shiro might, but…. I'm just saying the story sounds a little familiar. And with the way you talk about him, I don't blame you if you're scared to lose him.” 

Keith bit his lip and ran a hand through his hair. Granted, his first thought  _ had  _ been the fact that Karina didn't know him, much less how he felt or what he thought. But considering how similar they acted, he thought it made sense they might think alike too. 

“Yeah, well…. Maybe you do know me better than you think,” he admitted softly. She looked shocked for a second before her smile was back. “Don't you have a song to show off?” he asked. 

She rolled her eyes and got up from the couch. She grabbed her ukelele and returned to sit on the couch.

That ukulele had a handprint of a newborn Keith on the back of it. She’d shown it to him when he first met her and told him she’d gotten the print on it before she had to leave him. That day, Keith painted his hand and placed another handprint beside the original. 

Karina sat back down and started strumming softly. Keith liked listening to her sing. She had a certain raspiness to her voice, and it paired well with the ukulele. When she sang, Keith would close his eyes and wonder what it might have been like to grow up with her. He imagined she would’ve sang to him before bed or when he had nightmares. 

The song was about looking forward to better days, and it resonated with Keith. Granted, he hadn’t felt like that in a while, but he knew what it felt like to want a new start. Again, he felt guilty for not reaching out more. But it wasn’t like she reached out to him very much either…. 

Everything was just confusing when it came to his relationship with his mother. No matter how many times he’d seen her and spent time with her since she found him when he was in high school, it always felt like they were starting from scratch. There was no foundation. 

“I’ve gotta fix some chords and tweak the lyrics, but it’s an early draft,” she said, her fingers randomly plucking the plastic strings. Her expression turned solemn so slowly Keith didn't realize it until she spoke again. “Keith, can I ask you something about what you said earlier?” 

Keith frowned and shrugged. “What part?” 

“You said you had a past with people who hurt you and lied to you.” Keith immediately tensed. He grimaced, and tried to shrug it off, hoping she would drop the topic. “What happened?” 

“It doesn’t really matter. It was a while back, and I’m over it.” She sighed, and it looked like she was going to say something else, but Keith snapped before she could. “Look, I really don’t think you have a right to ask me that, okay?” 

He regretted it the second it left his mouth, but his pride kept him from taking it back. Even when the look on her face made something cold spread in his chest. She clenched her jaw and retreated into herself a bit. Prickly heat crept up the back of his neck. 

“Well, if I’m honest, I think you’re wrong,” she answered. Keith had never heard her voice so cold before. Her voice was often soft and uncertain. “I’m your mother. And the very reason I wasn’t able to keep you is the same as why I have every right to ask that question.” She fixed him with a resolute stare. “You think I haven’t had my share of suffering? You think I don’t know that you’ve had yours?” Keith remained quiet, feeling like a reprimanded child. “I’m asking because I know the lasting effects people like that can have on your life. And I figured maybe I could be a mother to you for once. Because I’d understand and I could do something about it.” Her voice began to waver, and somehow that was worse than the frigid tone. 

Keith stared at her, unable to get his mouth to open and make sound. I’m sorry. Yes. No. Anything. His jaw wouldn’t unhinge, wouldn’t let him speak. Instead, his eyes flitted away and set on the pattern of the cotton pattern of the worn couch. He took a deep breath, hoping that it would help. While it didn’t help him speak, the shaky way he exhaled gave Karina enough to know that she hadn’t spoken to a wall.

Instead of sitting with her back against the arm rest, she shifted to rest on the couch correctly. She crossed her legs and let out a sigh. “When I was young, I felt like I had a lot to prove,” she said softly. Her voice was distant, but it wasn’t uncertain anymore. “As a girl, I thought I needed to be reckless and careless and angry to be taken seriously. I got into a lot of trouble.” Keith wondered how he could’ve inherited so much of his birth mother’s attitude and tendencies when he never had a chance to grow up with her. “And I met Isaac. He made me feel like I wanted to feel. Important. Powerful. Different.” 

“How old were you?” Keith asked, his words stumbled over each other and mumbled so softly he didn’t think she would hear. 

“Sixteen. I was impressionable and I thought I could rule the world at that age. He made that feeling more real. I didn’t realize until later why everyone was so afraid of him or why they respected me through him. I caught him selling drugs to these twelve year old kids behind our favorite pizza place.” Keith grimaced. “I freaked out. And he got mad and….” She shrugged. 

“He hit you, didn’t he?” Some fierce, protective instinct rose in him. The thought of his mother being young and hurt by some immoral asshole made him seethe with anger. 

Karina took a breath, her eyes staying on the floor. “Yep. I was to stay in my place- next to him, quiet and pretty. Turn a blind eye or he’d say it was my fault if I tried to narc on him.” She ran a hand through her short hair, tugging at the ends. “I used to have really long hair and he would wrap it in his fist to keep me still.” 

“Is that why you wear it short all the time now?” Since Keith met her, Karina had short hair, and she never let it grow to touch her shoulders. She nodded and ruffled her own hair. “How did you… get out of it?” 

This time she smiled, and it seemed to smooth every aspect of her face. Like whatever saved her rejuvenated her soul. “Your dad.” Keith felt the shock resonate through him. He’d never heard anything about him. And he’d never asked. “He was a friend from school. I wasn’t supposed to be his friend anymore, but… I’d already lost so much, I couldn’t bear to lose him too. My parents wouldn’t speak to me, partially because they were very busy people, and partially because they were tired of cops escorting me home every other night.” Keith scoffed, and she looked at him. “Told you I was trouble, kiddo.” 

Keith bit his lip and looked at her hopefully. “What was my dad’s name?” 

She glanced at Keith with a small smile. “His name was Nick. He planned for us to run away. We’d just disappear and start over.” She shook her head. “It was stupid-  _ we  _ were stupid... but I was willing to try anything to get away.” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “Well… smarter than me.” She raised an eyebrow, and Keith felt his tongue turn into lead again, but he was determined to talk. “I never knew I was in a bad relationship until much later. Shiro had to force me out of it, and I hated him for it. I thought… it was just normal or something.” 

“Shiro?” 

Keith nodded. “Shiro said he was a bad influence and I never listened. I missed school and got into trouble and….” He sighed and shook his head, not wanting all those memories flooding back into his brain. “I can’t even….” 

“Can’t say his name, can you?” Keith shook his head. Her hand reached for his again. “I know. It’s hard to get past, even when you think you’re past it. But… Lance. Lance treats you good?” 

Keith nodded. “He’s a good guy. Such a good guy, and sometimes, I don’t really know what he’s doing with me, but I also don’t wanna let him go.” Keith chuckled and rubbed his neck. “The other guy… he did this thing, where every time he wanted me to do something, he’d… put his arm around my shoulders and kind of maneuver me. And he’d guilt me into agreeing or something. I was on a date with Lance and he put his arm on my shoulders and it kind of brought it all back. I told him I didn’t like the feeling, and he’s been so careful about not doing it again. And if he does it on accident, he apologizes so much!” Keith laughed to himself and nervously tugged at his hair. “So yeah. He’s good. Shiro likes him.” 

“Ah, the Shiro approval. Best approval there is.” She smiled and squeezed his hand. 

“I think… I think you’d like him too,” Keith whispered. He looked at her for a second before looking away, feeling nervous. 

“I think I would,” she agreed. “Whenever you’re ready for that.” 

It was quiet for a moment. The anxiety of talking about his past and alluding to a future meeting with Lance and his birth mom mixed with the emotions that swirled in him from the new knowledge he had. It sounded like his mom had it much worse. And if the way she spoke said anything, Keith had an idea about what that danger she’d mentioned before was. But still….

“Um… Karina? What happened to my dad?” 

He risked looking back at her and there was no way to mistake the meaning behind the anguish in her eyes. “Like I said, running away was a stupid idea. It only angered Isaac and made him that much more determined to find me. And Nick. So your dad got me a bus ticket and promised he’d find us.” 

“But he didn’t.” 

She shook her head. “I didn’t want to spend my life running. I didn’t want to put you in danger. I didn’t want you to know what you’d been brought into, and I knew-” Tears began to slide down her face. Keith hadn’t seen her cry since the first day she met him. “I wanted to keep you. I would’ve done absolutely anything to keep you, Keith. I wanted to hear you say your first word and see you take your first steps and I wanted to change every single diaper and take you to Santa pictures at the mall and-”

Keith didn’t think twice before he scooted closer and wrapped his arms around her. She shook and hugged him back with a strength she’d never had in their hugs before. “I know, I know you did what you had to. I know,” Keith reassured. “It’s okay. It’s okay, we found each other.” 

She shook her head, but held onto him, running her hand through his hair over and over like she wanted to soothe him. Keith wanted to stop her tears, but he knew it wasn’t so simple. They had lost years. While his foster parents cared for him throughout the years, they always felt like strangers making him feel comfortable. They were all temporary homes. 

He never got all those childhood memories most people had with their parents. His mother didn’t tuck him into bed or stay with him when he had a fever or take a million pictures of him on the first day of school each year. She didn’t embarrass him with baby pictures to his friends or crushes. He didn’t get those experiences. And she didn’t get to see him crawl or send him off to his first day of preschool or… anything. 

“I’m sorry I made our holiday so depressing,” she muttered. 

Keith laughed and shook his head. “You kidding? I think this is one of the best hugs I’ve gotten in my life.” She chuckled weakly and held him a little tighter. “And I’m glad we talked about these things. You feel a little more real now.” 

She sniffed and pulled away, tilting his chin up. Her eyes mirrored his own in color, shape, and anguish. She smiled and caressed the side of his face gently. “Keith. I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you, but you are worth  _ so much.  _ I'm sorry I wasn't around, but I promise I won't go away ever again.” 

There was a part of Keith that didn't fully believe that. He found it hard to after losing so many people. But he let himself hope it was true. He hugged her again, before pulling back to smile at her. 

He grabbed his phone, feeling nervous all of a sudden. “Do you think I could get a picture of you? I want to be able to show Lance what you look like when he asks what I did over break.” 

“Oh, I'm all messy, though,” she said, wiping her eyes. Her cheeks were pink. 

“We can take one together,” Keith offered. She looked a little surprised before nodding with a new smile. Keith sat closer and put his phone up for a selfie. 

It was the first photo he'd taken with his mom. 

He put the phone down and smiled at it. It felt awkward. That was usually the case when serious conversations happened. Keith felt that way when he came out to his foster parents, when Shiro sat him down and insisted he break up with his high school boyfriend, when he told his foster parents why he didn't want to be adopted. 

It wasn't bad, exactly. It was just…. What exactly did you talk about after spending so much time talking about something so serious? He was still letting all the information settle in him. He was still trying to sort out the confusing feeling of being closer to a half stranger. 

“You graduate soon, don’t you?” she asked, returning to that more reserved version who kept her hands interlocked in her lap.

“Yeah. In May. It feels like a long ways away, but….” He looked at her with a smile. “You can come if you want. And you won’t have to hide in the back like at my high school graduation.” 

She grimaced, her face flushing. “How did you know I was there?” 

“I saw you when we were filing out of there. But then you disappeared.” 

“I wasn’t sure if you’d be upset that I was there. But I’d already missed so many milestones… I just-”

“I was happy you were there. And… I’ll do a better job about visiting you more. I promise. But yeah, I’d love for you to be at my graduation.” 

She smiled widely, so genuinely happy that Keith felt proud of himself for inviting her. “I’ll be there,” she promised. 

There was something about being vulnerable and sharing a painful piece of past with each other that held the magic of bringing people together a little more. That's what Keith felt. Their conversation made things awkward, yes, but it also made things easier. It was easier to talk, to laugh together. It was easier to admit to himself that he  _ wanted  _ to share things with Karina. Their conversation felt much more fluid, even though it was about movies and stories from other people they knew.

She told him about the neighbors, one who was sick, another who had the cops there a few days ago, another who was nosy with the whole neighborhood. Keith told her about Lance's sister and Hunk and Pidge and Alexa. How Hunk and Pidge liked each other and how it was painfully obvious but they never did or said anything about it. How Alexa would tease him about Lance when they were partners. How Veronica said he was her favorite person for giving her flowers. 

The sky turned dark as they talked. They got up only to munch on dessert and use the bathroom, but their conversation didn't falter as much as it used to. 

“So…. I want to ask about this guy you're seeing.” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. He'd already told her so much. “What about him?” 

“When do you think you'd be comfortable with the idea of dating him? I only ask because… well, kiddo, you already do a lot of the dating stuff. You're with him most of the time, you know his friends, you met his sister, he's met Shiro, the dates. What's… what's holding you back?” She was careful about her question, but she didn't seem so reserved and shy. 

The question made Keith think. It was true. They were halfway there. But neither of them were quite ready for what a label would bring on. “I don't know. I mean there's still so much we don't know about each other and…. I don't know. I'm scared, I guess. Like it might be bad luck. Like as soon as we call it dating, as soon as I call him my boyfriend, that's when it'll all fall apart.” He shrugged and started folding and unfolding a napkin. “If we're already doing the stuff dating entails, why bother with the labels? We've talked about it and I know he feels the same, so….” He shrugged again. 

“Well, I suppose that's true. But you know… it's also okay to want a label and be scared of it.” He grimaced and didn't answer, but he kept his eyes on her. “But okay! I won't ask anymore. I'm really happy you both seem to fit so well together, though.” 

He smiled and whispered a thank you. Then he looked at his phone, eyebrows arching in surprise when he saw the time. He'd never stayed so long before. “I should get going. Kosmo is probably anxious about not seeing me all day.”

“Oh, okay. Want some leftovers to take home?” 

He didn't need them, especially considering they'd held Thanksgiving there the night before and their fridge was well stocked with leftovers. But he still said, “Yeah! Especially the stuffing and the casserole.” 

Karina smiled and stood to pack some food into a couple Tupperwares and placed them in a bag for him. She walked out with him, and she gently tugged his jacket zipper up a little more. “Be careful, kiddo. I'll miss you.” 

“I'll miss you too. Thanks for food and… for talking with me.” She smiled, her eyes glittering in the moonlight. 

And then she was hugging him. Her hug was tight and firm, encasing him completely and for a moment, Keith felt like a little kid being comforted by his mom. “I love you, Keith. So much.” 

Keith felt a knot in his throat, but he swallowed past it and chuckled as he hugged her back just as tightly. She smelled like pumpkin pie. 

He tried to form the words on his tongue, wanted with all his heart to say them back. But he couldn't. “I promise I'll visit more. I need more of these hugs.” 

Karina wasn't upset. She laughed and and pulled away, ruffling his hair gently. “I look forward to it. Go on, your puppy is waiting on you,” she said. She walked back to her front door, waiting under the porch light.

Keith got back to his bike, securing his food before he waved and took off. 

\-- 

When Keith got home, Shiro was still awake. He was watching TV and holding Kosmo in his arms. As soon as Keith walked in, though, Kosmo leapt from his arm and started jumping against Keith's legs. 

“Down, boy,” Keith chided gently. “I missed you too.” 

“How was Karina's?” Shiro asked, getting up from the couch. “You were there longer than usual.” 

“It was good,” Keith answered with a smile. “Really. And I brought more leftovers.” 

Shiro chuckled and took the leftovers to put them in the fridge. “So you're okay?” Keith nodded. “Okay. Mom and Dad said they'd stop by tomorrow to see how you felt. We're getting breakfast with them.” 

“Sounds good.” Shiro looked at him oddly for a moment before smiling. “What?” 

“Nothing. Goodnight, see you in the morning.” 

He went to his room and Keith whistled for Kosmo to follow him as he got ready for bed. Once he settled under the covers, he pulled his phone out and sent Lance a message. 

_ Hey pretty boy, available to talk?  _

There wasn't an immediate answer, and Keith thought he was already asleep. Then before he plugged his phone, a message came in. 

_ Yea! Sorry I just saw this, I've been out with my siblings.  _

Keith smiled and dialed his number. It rang twice before Lance answered. Keith found himself half mouthing the greeting with Lance. “ _ Hola mi principe!”  _ Keith blushed and smiled at the ceiling. “How was Black Thursday?” 

Keith snorted. “Pretty good. My foster parents got a lot of good stuff. I spent today at my birth mom's for like a second Thanksgiving.” 

“Oh? And how was that?” 

“It was really great actually. I can tell you more about it whenever you get back. What about you? Did you do any shopping today?” 

Lance laughed and Keith felt his heart tighten at the sound. “No, no, no we don't go. My mami hears horror stories on the TV, so…. But! I spent today with my siblings and it was really great. Really, really great,” he said. 

Every time he talked about his family, his voice took on a certain quality. Something fond and joyous that was so adorable it made Keith yearn to hold him as tightly as possible. It was a strange reaction to have, so Keith kept it to himself. 

But even so, he sounded so much happier at that moment than he usually did. It was a contagious feeling. 

“I'm really glad to hear you're having fun over there. I know you missed them a lot.” 

“You sound tired, babe.” 

Keith stifled a yawn and grunted slightly when Kosmo plopped onto his stomach. “Just a little. I woke up really early and then I wasn't expecting to be at my mom's so long.” 

Lance hummed softly. “You know what I was thinking the other day?” Keith waited, making a curious hum. “I was thinking about how different everything is with us now. You know, compared to those first couple weeks.” Keith started smiling. “Like, you would never call first before. And you always sounded surprised when I called you.” 

“It was awkward too. The silences made me nervous. Now it's nice.” 

Lance chuckled. “And how Shiro used to hate me.” 

“Shiro did not hate you! He just wasn't sure about you.” 

Lance snorted. “Mm. He hated me. But now he likes me, so it's cool. Although… I do kind of miss when things were new.” 

Keith frowned and turned on his side. His phone pressed between his face and the pillow. “What do you mean?” Was it getting boring now? Were they becoming routine? Was that bad? 

“Well, for example…. How flustered you would get when I took you on a date. Because you didn't know what to expect. Those first few times…. It was kind of cute. Everything surprised you. I remember the first time… we… y'know. It took you a while to relax. You were so careful at first and it was easy to get you to react.” 

“Well… yeah. But I like things now. I like how it feels to be comfortable with you. I like that it feels natural when I hold your hand and kiss you before you go somewhere.” Keith felt his cheeks heating up because he felt embarrassed of himself when he started babbling romantic things like this. “And I'm really glad I felt… good enough I guess, to start a routine of calling you myself. I don't think I ever saw myself doing that.” 

It was quiet for a moment, and while Keith desperately wanted to ask what was going on or why the silence or if he was even still there, he didn't. He kept quiet. Because he didn't want to call attention to the quiet, but when he thought he should, it had already gone on too long. 

Then finally, he heard a heavy breath on the other end. “You know, I really like when you talk like that. When you tell me all these things. Like yesterday too. It's… it's nice.” Lance fell into a fit of muffled laughter and Keith felt himself blushing further. 

“Well, why are you laughing!” 

“No, no, no, babe, not at you! I'm just…. I'm just flustered and I'm not used to you making me flustered this way with all the sweet talk and it's…. It's new. And I really like it.” Keith hummed and fidgeted slightly, mindlessly petting Kosmo who had snuggled up beside him. “I miss you. A lot. I really wanna kiss you and see how much you're probably blushing right now.” 

“Ah, fuck off,” Keith grumbled, laughing slightly. 

“And you're back,” Lance teased. 

Keith rolled his eyes at nothing. “I miss you too.” It was true. Keith didn't think he could miss someone this much in a way that didn't hurt. He could hardly put into words without finding himself scarlet-faced. 

He yawned, mid-thought, and Lance chuckled. “You should go to bed, baby. I'll text you in the morning and call you again at night, okay?” 

Keith nodded before remembering Lance couldn't see him. “Okay, pretty boy. Good night. Sleep well.” 

“I'll dream of you,” Lance answered. Keith could hear the smirk in his voice. Damn pretty boy. 

“I hate you.” But he knew Lance could hear his smile too. Hell, he could probably hear his blush. “Night.” Lance said goodbye one more time before hanging up. 

Keith plugged his phone to charge again and laid back down, suddenly very aware of the missing warmth on his other side. Honestly, Keith liked hearing and seeing Lance get flustered. It was one thing when it was because they were between the sheets or Keith was teasing him by lightly touching the skin on the nape of his neck to purposefully get him riled up on a car ride home or something. It was different when Lance was flustered because Keith simply let himself wear his heart on his sleeve for a few moments. 

He wanted to do it more. He fell asleep with an idea forming in his mind, but no idea how to execute it. 

The next morning Keith woke up with just enough time to get ready to greet his foster parents when they arrived. 

His mother had groceries in hand, ready to take over the kitchen. She kissed his cheek and squeezed his hand to greet him. “Did you sleep well?” 

“Yes, Mama,” Keith answered with a smile. 

His father smiled at him and squeezed his arm lightly as he smiled. “How was yesterday? Is Karina doing okay?” 

“She is, she's doing great. It was nice yesterday. We talked a lot more.” 

His father smiled, a little sadly, but it was still genuine. “I'm happy to hear it.” He tousled his hair only slightly before following his wife into the kitchen. 

Shiro came out of his room once the smell of savory food filled the air. Keith watched from the table as Shiro greeted their parents with tight hugs and wide smiles, their mother's hands touching his face and his hair as their father jostled him playfully. The tones of their voices held affection as they spoke to him. 

It wasn't like they were indifferent with Keith; he knew that. Things were just different when you raised one son for 24 years and the other for only eight. Especially when the first two years of that, Keith spent most of the time avoiding them and rejecting their affection. He had his boundaries, and his foster parents acknowledged and respected them. Now, he had no idea how to explain that he didn't have the same boundaries. 

“Takashi, dear, set the table will you?” their mother asked. Keith moved to stay out of the way beside his father as Shiro busied himself. “So Keith, how was your second Thanksgiving? Everything go okay?” 

The way her eyes flickered to him, nervous and worried helped remind Keith that their love was just as real as their love for Shiro. Keith had come back from visiting his birth mom feeling unsure and frustrated in the past. The feeling of starting from scratch each time, the lack of affection, the empty conversations always left him in a poor state of mind and a worse mood. Of course, his parents caught on and worried each time he visited. 

“It was great, Mama. Karina and I talked about a lot of stuff. I feel like it made things different somehow. I feel a little closer to her and I think…. I don't know. I think things will get better now.” 

She and their father shared a look. Keith wasn't sure what it was about, but her eyes seemed to glisten when she looked back at him. “That's wonderful to hear. I'm glad you're building that relationship.” 

Something heavy settled in his chest. He knew they didn't mean to guilt him for building a relationship with his birth mom. It was just frustrating because their relationship with him felt stagnant. He knew they loved him, and he loved them too. But they were still so careful around him, and these tight lipped smiles made him feel like he was doing something wrong. 

Something large and painful lodged in his throat and made him tense. “Um, you know, I'm not that hungry. I gotta… tidy up my room. Enjoy breakfast.” He smiled and disappeared down the hall before they could answer. 

Once he was in his room with Kosmo at his heels, he sat on his bed and hid his face in his hands. He forced the sting in his eyes to disappear and reminded himself he had every right to build a better relationship with his mom. His foster parents didn't even try to improve their relationship with him, so what right did they have to be upset if Keith got closer to Karina? 

There was a knock on his door, that made Keith take a steadying breath. “Yeah?” he called when he was certain his voice wouldn't betray him. 

The door opened slightly and Shiro peeked in. “Hey. Wanna talk?” 

Keith rolled his eyes and sighed. “No. Did they send you again?” They always used Shiro as a buffer, as an in between. 

Shiro frowned and let himself in before sitting beside Keith. “No. I came because I can tell you're upset.” 

“Well they're the ones asking how it went then they go and look all upset when I say it went well! Like I'm not fucking allowed-!” 

“Hey, hey, okay, easy,” Shiro said trying to get Keith to lower his voice and slow down. “They're not upset with you for seeing her or getting closer to her, hippo.” Keith scowled at the nickname, knowing it was Shiro's way of softening him up. “I'm serious. You wanna know what it is they're thinking? They don't want you to know. But neither of you are being honest with each other, so whatever.” 

Keith arched an eyebrow. “It makes sense they'd tell  _ you. _ ” 

Shiro frowned, looking a little hurt, but Keith wasn't in a sympathetic mood at that point. “Keith, they  _ are  _ happy for you. They were always scared that Karina would hurt you, emotionally or mentally. They were scared she'd leave you again, and you'd suffer. The fact that she's trying and you came back this time feeling so happy instead of upset is a good thing and they know that.” 

Keith kept his eyes steady on the strip of pictures on his corkboard. It kept him still, and it kept him from getting more aggravated. “The smiles they gave me were very different from the ones they were giving you. They're upset.” 

“I never said they weren't. I just said they weren't upset with  _ you _ .” Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “They want to be closer to you too, Keith. They want their relationship with you to be better, they just don't know how. What hurts them is that she's making progress and they're not.” 

Keith finally looked at Shiro, confused and surprised. “But…. But they're not trying anymore.” 

This time, Shiro looked surprised. “They're not? They visit every holiday. They call you every weekend. They check on you every time after you visit your birth mom.” 

Keith scoffed and looked at the wall again, shaking his head. “That's…. But what about my dance shows? They don't go to those. They don't hug me like they hug you. Even when we lived with them, they never got me in trouble like parents are supposed to, they always went through you!” 

“Do you invite them?” Keith stayed quiet. “You gotta remember what you were like when you started living with us. You didn't want anyone to touch you. It took a long time for you to let me hug you. They don't want to make you uncomfortable, hippo. And they thought you'd listen more to me because we're closer in age and… honestly I think they didn't want you to become bitter towards them. Remember how hard things got between us when I told you to stop seeing… you know?” 

Keith grimaced as he recalled it. Shiro telling him his boyfriend was trouble, that he needed to end it, doing everything possible to get between Keith and the boy he swore he loved. Keith remembered throwing it in his face that Shiro wasn't his real brother, that he had no control or power over him, telling Shiro anything and everything to get him to leave him alone. Keith had grown bitter. Keith told Shiro he hated him at one point. 

“You say they stopped trying…. Maybe you're right. But I think you stopped trying too.” Keith grit his teeth, frustrated with the return of the damn stinging behind his eyes. “They love you so much. You know that right? People don't just foster teenagers for the hell of it. And you know they wanted to adopt you. They still are you as their son just like I see you as my brother.” 

Keith cleared his throat and clenched his jaw, refusing to acknowledge the blurriness in his vision. “You know I see you guys as my family,” he said, his voice slow and heavy. 

Shiro smiled. “Yeah. I do. But I don't know if Mom and Dad know that too.” Keith sighed. “So… come back out there with me and have breakfast. Papa's worried about you.” 

“Yeah, alright,” he muttered. He took a deep breath and rubbed his face before composing himself enough. 

He followed Shiro back down the hallway. He saw his mom in the kitchen, placing food in a Tupperware. When she saw him, her eyes widened and some tension in her shoulders seemed to dissipate. “Keith, I was just separating some food for you to heat up later in case you got hungry.” 

Keith felt something comforting flutter in him. “I… I don't mind eating with you guys.” Her eyes widened a bit. 

“Okay! Let me fix you a plate, then.” She bustled about and his father scooted a chair out for him. 

Keith sat down, suddenly feeling small. He felt like he was 15 again, in their presence for the first time, a baby blanket with hippos tucked in the recesses of his suitcase as his only constant. But he was 21 now. These people became his family, his family became constant. And now that Keith knew what they thought, he was second guessing everything. 

Every side glance wasn't an awkward, uncomfortable thing meant to ostracize him. They were meant to check on him, subtle enough to keep him from feeling overwhelmed. Their small smiles weren't a formality, they weren't fake. They were just nervous and reserved. Every small talk conversation topic wasn't them being distant, it as just them wanting to keep him comfortable. 

“Um. My dance group has a competition coming up in December. Before break.” 

“That must be exciting,” his mother said with a smile. 

Keith nodded. “Yeah. We're all excited. Um. It's free admission… if you guys wanted to go see it.” 

“Well of course we do!” his father said immediately. Keith looked up to see his mother looking at him with an expression of unreserved joy and… hope. “When is it?” 

“You're sure you want us there?” his mother asked gently. It was clear in her tone that she understood if he didn't want them to go. She wanted him to know he wasn't obligated. 

Typically, Keith would shrug and say it was up to them. That it wasn't a big deal, but the offer was there. This time he nodded resolutely. “I want my parents there. It'd mean a lot to me.” He shrugged and smiled. “My friend will be going too. The one I told you about before.” 

“Lance?” Keith nodded. “And he's… just a friend?” his father asked. Shiro smirked to himself. 

Keith blushed, but kept his face neutral. “Well… a little more than a friend. But not… not boyfriend.” 

His parents hummed and shared a smug smile with each other. “Well, if you really want us there, we'll be there,” his mother assured. She returned to her breakfast before more could be said, and while Keith's immediate reaction was to think it was because she didn't care, he tried to reframe it in his head. She didn't want to push. 

It was still a little tense. Shiro still maneuvered most of the conversation. It was still mostly small talk with the occasional mention of Christmas dinner and plans. Keith smiled and nodded, tried to say things too, but… he hated small talk. 

As they finished up eating, he kept thinking about what Lance said the night before. How much he enjoyed hearing Keith be all gushy and how nice it was. He wasn't sure why he didn't like being that way more often. There was nothing wrong with it, and Keith knew he really liked when Lance reminded him how much he liked him. 

Looking at the way his parents held hands over the table as they talked to him and Shiro, he figured maybe everyone liked being reminded from time to time. And there wasn't anything wrong with that. It was vulnerable, yeah, but…. Keith sighed softly, realizing that no matter how much he wanted to learn to be okay with vulnerability, it wasn't something he could just decide to embrace. Even trusting Lance and his parents as much as he did, he was afraid of it, and he had no idea how to change that. 

“Keith? Are you alright?” their father asked. 

He pulled himself from his thoughts and refocused to look around the table. His mother's eyes flitted from him to her food and back. Shiro's gaze was steady on him, confused and worried. His father's gaze was directed toward him but not quite looking at him. 

“Yes, Papa, I'm fine.” He smiled, hoping to reassure them. 

“Well we should get going, we have to get groceries and pick up some dry cleaning.” Their mother picked up the plates from the table and stacked them on the sink. 

“You can leave those, Mama, I'll clean them later,” Shiro said. 

She frowned, but didn't try to wash them. As she gathered her purse and put away what was left of the food, their father took to playing with Kosmo. 

“Do you guys need anything?” he asked as he tugged on a rope that had Kosmo growling and sliding on the other end. “For yourselves or the puppy or anything?” 

Keith shrugged and looked at Shiro. “No, Papa, we're okay. Keith's looking into getting a job, and we're up to date on the bills.” Keith rolled his eyes at Shiro's unsubtle suggestion, but he made a mental note to really start looking. He needed to save up too. 

Their father nodded and was joined by their mother shortly after. “Okay, be good, both of you,” she said, shuffling toward the door. “If you need anything, call us.” 

Shiro nodded and hugged them each in turn. Keith stood back, busying himself with Kosmo before they turned to him. 

“Bye, Keith. Please let us know when you get more information on your competition, alright?” 

He nodded and walked toward them. Shiro squeezed his shoulder and walked away, either to his room or the bathroom. Either way, he was giving Keith his privacy. 

“Um. Thank you guys for making sure I'm alright after meeting with Karina.” His mom smiled, and gave a quick nod. “I….” He felt like he didn't have the right words. He knew everything he wanted to say, but he couldn't figure out how to say it, couldn't bring himself to. 

“Keith?” His dad's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. 

He took a deep breath and leaned forward to hug them both tightly. Tighter than he ever hugged them before. He felt the hesitation in their arms as they wrapped around him, the surprise in the huffs they let out. 

“You guys are really great parents. And I know I haven't always been the best son, but….” 

Keith shut his eyes, battling the slight embarrassment, the little voice in the back of his brain telling him to shut up and keep it to himself. He let Lance's voice override it. 

_ I really like when you talk like that. When you tell me all these things. It's nice.  _

“I got really lucky with you guys,” he managed to whisper. “And I love you both.” 

He heard a small sigh in his ear and felt both arms tighten around him. “Oh, Keith,” his mother whispered. “You're a wonderful son. We got lucky with you, my dear, sweet boy.” 

They pulled back and his father gripped his shoulder tightly. “Listen. You're just as much our son as Takashi. You know that, right?” 

Keith wanted to say he did. He wanted to nod and agree. But in reality, he felt a giant wave of relief and love when he heard those words. He felt like he could breathe. Instead he just stared, trying to keep his breaths steady. 

“Are you okay, dear?” His mama kept her dark eyes steady on him, calculating but still kind. Her hand hesitantly ran through his hair, pushing it back and away from his face. 

Keith leaned into the touch and nodded. “Yeah.” His voice broke. “I just…. I realized that sometimes I gotta tell people how much I care about them.” She smiled and put her hand on his cheek. He figured he should be honest. “Shiro said… you guys might feel hurt because Karina and I are building a relationship, and I know I've been distant with you guys-” 

“Hey, it's okay,” his mama interrupted. “Keith, we'd rather you have a good relationship with her than get hurt by her. We know she's important to you. We're happy you have it in your heart to let her in your life.” 

Keith took a breath. “But you guys are my family too.” 

“We know, Keith.” His father smiled, and again, while there was something sad about it, it was genuine. “We love you. So, so much.” 

Keith smiled. “I love you guys too.” He stepped back to let them leave, his hands in his pockets. “Have a safe drive, okay? And I'll for sure tell you when I have my competition.” They nodded and hugged him one more time. His mama kissed his cheek, and his papa squeezed his shoulder again. Then they walked out, and Keith locked the door. 

He felt a little strange, but he felt good. He felt happy. Unsurprisingly, his first thought was that he wanted to tell Lance. 

A door opened behind him and he saw Shiro walking down the hall toward him. He had a small smile on his face. “You okay, hippo?” 

Keith rolled his eyes at the nickname, but smiled. “Yeah.” Shiro winked and went into the kitchen to wash the dishes. Keith followed him, shadowing him the way he used to when he was younger. Shiro noticed and arched an eyebrow. “I kind of… wanted your help with something? Please?” 

Shiro kept scrubbing. “With what?” 

“It's about Lance. I….” Keith took a breath. “He's always the one taking me on a date. And we were talking and he mentioned that he kind of missed how all that was so new with us. And I said how I like that we're familiar now. And I figured… if  _ I  _ were to take  _ him  _ on a date, it'd still be new, but also… familiar. I don't know, it's stupid-” 

“Hey.” Shiro turned around with a smile as he dried his hands. “It's not stupid. Not at all.” He crossed his arms. “You really, really like him, huh?” 

Keith scoffed. “Was that not obvious when I introduced him to you guys?” Shiro chuckled and shrugged. Keith took another deep breath and nodded. “Yeah. I really like him. And he always makes me feel special. I want to do something for him. I know he'd love to be taken on a date for once and I know no one's done it for him before because he's only been with a girl.” 

“Okay,” Shiro said with a slow nod. “So what do you need my help for?” 

“Planning it and… you know I guess distracting him while I prepare? It's just… I know him, and I know what he likes. But I'm scared to go overboard or do something wrong. You and Adam have been on lots of dates and you've planned as much as he has so…. I don't know. You're experienced!” 

Shiro laughed and shook his head before uncrossing his arms and nodding. “Alright. Sure. I'll help you.” 

***

Monday felt slow and stressful. The whole dance group was working on helping their newest member, a junior named James, get the hang of all the moves that had been Roland's. They even got Roland to come in that morning to help him. 

But James was a stubborn person. A fast learner, and talented, no doubt. For some reason, though, he and Keith butted heads a lot. It made it that much harder to teach him. 

The rest of the day was just frustrating because of all the essays and projects piling up just before finals. Keith needed more than a few days of break. 

That afternoon at rehearsal, he was struggling with getting James on time with the others and suggested having him practice off to the side with his partner. 

After giving him an aggravated scowl, James went off to the side with the girl who had been Roland's partner. Keith clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. “I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'd do anything to get Roland back,” he muttered to Alexa who stood beside him. She snorted and shook her head. 

“Well, hopefully your mood improves in like 10 seconds.” 

Keith frowned. “You're an asshole. It's been a long day.” Alexa just smirked at him with a raised eyebrow. 

“ _ Hola, koala, me extrañaste?”  _

Keith turned around, his heart hammering in his chest at the sight of Lance with windswept hair and that perfect half smile, his eyes sparkling and making Keith feel lightheaded. His body moved before he could tell it to, drawn to Lance immediately. He took his face in his hands, his thumb settled over his dimple, and kissed him. 

He wanted to kiss him like Lance was the air he breathed, but his entire team was there, stretching during their break. He didn't need them teasing him or seeing just how weak Keith was in Lance's hands. 

So instead Keith pulled back and brought him into a tight hug, fitting together perfectly. “I missed you so much,” Keith whispered. He felt Lance's arms drape around his shoulders holding him tighter. 

“I came as soon as I got out of my last class,” he answered. 

Lance pulled away and nudged his nose against Keith's. His smile was so open and unreserved. Before Keith could decide to kiss him again, Alexa said, “I hate to interrupt such a touching, gay moment, but our break is up and we have… a lot of work to do.” Her eyes drifted to James. 

“Roland's replacement isn't doing too great, huh?” Lance asked. Alexa shrugged. 

“He's good. It's just… he doesn't listen. He wants to change the routine and he doesn't listen to me,” Keith said. “He gives me a headache.” 

Lance frowned and took his hand. “Can't you get a new dancer?”

“I would, but the competition is in two weeks. No one can get it down that fast and he's already learned most of it. It's just a matter of getting him to stop fighting me.” 

“Well, I'm gonna sit in the corner and work on homework. Do your thing, babe.” Lance kissed his cheek, and Keith felt the blush creeping into his face immediately. 

Keith brought the group back together and worked on the routine as a whole. He felt like his entire body had been energized. Just seeing Lance again after so long made him feel more awake. And finally kissing him again made him ridiculously happy that even James’ stubbornness didn't faze him. 

Once everyone was cooling down, dancing around freely and laughing with each other, Keith went over to Lance. 

“Don't you ever cool down?” Lance asked with a smile. 

Keith pulled him closer with a hand at the small of his back. “I have a different exercise,” he said, flashing him a smile. He saw his eyes widen slightly before Keith kissed him, making up for nearly a week without a taste of his lips. 

When Keith let him breathe, Lance stared at him with dazed eyes. His thumb pressed against Keith's lower lips. “Fuck. I missed those gorgeous eyes.” 

Keith smiled and started to lean in again. “Hey.” He froze and let out a sigh before turning to face James. “We need to change-” 

“We're not changing our routine. Erika doesn't want to change hers either.” 

“Well, with a different partner, you gotta be flexible. It's part of performing.” 

“You think I don't know that?” Keith snapped. He crossed his arms and stood up straighter. “We're two weeks away from competition. You knew what you were getting into when you joined. We can talk about changing things up for the next competition but  _ not  _ now. So stop wasting time complaining to me and everyone trying to help you and do what you're here to do.” 

James glared at him. “You need me. Not the other way around-” 

“Are you seriously trying to threaten me right now?” Keith snarled, stepping closer. He noticed the other dancers looking over at them, the music playing for no one in the background. He could feel Lance behind him, but he wasn't interfering. “Listen to me, James.” Keith stepped even closer. James didn't flinch back, keeping his eyes steady and furious on Keith. “You wanna drop out, go ahead. But you're not gonna make empty threats. Everyone here has worked their ass off all semester if not longer. And  _ you  _ are not going to fuck it up for them. You've got talent. But you're not special.” 

“You have no right to talk to me like that.” 

The words and the look James was giving him made Keith bristle. He gave him a cold smile. “I'm your fucking  _ captain,  _ James.” He noticed James cheeks color, but again, he didn't flinch. “If you don't want me to talk to you a certain way, then change your attitude and watch how you talk to me.” James stared at him with a red face. Keith looked up at the other dancers and sighed. “Get going, guys. See you tomorrow morning.” They looked away and bustled around to leave. Keith kept James in place. Once it was empty, save for Lance still behind him, Keith spoke again. “Tell me right now. Are you leaving the team?” 

James stayed silent for a long while. “No.” 

“Okay then. I don't want to hear about the changes you want to make until after this competition. Don't make me regret letting you join the team.” Keith leaned down to grab his duffel bag and turned to Lance who was distracting himself on his phone. “Babe.” 

Lance looked up and fell in step beside him. Their hands tangled together as they left the rehearsal space. “You okay?” Lance asked. Keith nodded. “Well… seeing you take charge like that was…  _ interesting.”  _

Keith glanced over and saw the shy half smile on his face. He smirked back and bit his lip. “Pretty boy, do you have a kink I should know about?” 

Lance laughed a little nervously and tugged him toward his car. “I mean, not that I know of but…. I won't deny it was kind of hot.” Lance kissed him softly and tugged on Keith's lower lip. “Let's drop off your motorcycle and get some food, yeah? I missed you.” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Keith breathed against him. He hadn't realized how badly he craved Lance's touch. It wasn't even sexual. It was just his touch. 

The hand against his side felt like it'd been missing, the lips gently pressing and pulling away from his felt comforting, the fingertips playing with his hand felt familiar. He'd gone so long without the touches Lance always offered and he only realized the withdrawal at that moment when he was receiving them again. 

“I gotta go, I gotta feed Kosmo. Meet you at my place?” Lance hummed against his lips, refusing to let him go. “Pretty boy,” Keith chided playfully. 

“Yes sir?” 

Keith pulled back and arched an eyebrow. “You  _ do  _ have a kink.” 

Lance laughed. “Figured I'd test it out. How should I take that blush in your cheeks? Yes or no?” 

Keith rolled his eyes. “We'll see.” He kissed him one more time and pushed away. “See you at my place. Drive safe.” 

Lance winked at him and got in his car.

Once Keith got to his house, he fed Kosmo and put up his bike. Lance pulled up shortly after, and once Kosmo finished eating, they got into Lance car. Kosmo quickly curled himself up at Keith feet, his head against Keith's leg. They picked up some fast food before getting to Lance's apartment. 

“So how was your break?” Lance asked as they ate. 

Keith immediately told him about Thanksgiving dinner and going to see his birth mom the next day. He told him all about the way she told him some of her past, keeping it vague because he didn't want to indulge in his own. He just said he was a lot more similar to her than he thought. 

“I also took a picture with her.” He put away his trash and sat closer to Lance to show him. “That's her. Her name is Karina.” 

“Holy shit she's h- uh. You look a lot like her.” Lance winced as Keith glared at him and thumped him on the head. “Okay, I'm sorry, but she is very… very attractive and I'm just saying, you know, you also got a lot of those looks and so-” 

Keith grabbed some fries and stuffed them in Lance's mouth. “Stop talking, pretty boy.” Lance nodded and chewed. “Well, I think we'll be a lot closer now. I also mentioned you to her. She said she'd like to meet you whenever we're ready for that.” 

Lance tugged lightly on a strand of hair by Keith's ear. “Yeah?” Keith nodded and Lance smiled. “That'd be nice. Terrifying but nice.” Keith chuckled and leaned into his side a little more. “My brothers want to meet you too.” 

Keith frowned and pulled away from him to look at him. “What?” Lance raised an eyebrow. “You…. You told your brothers about me?” 

Lance sat up and shifted. “Y-yeah. Is that okay?” 

That constricting feeling in his throat was back. Before he could answer, he leaned forward and brought Lance into a kiss. 

He knew Lance wanted to come out to his family eventually. He believed it was something Lance wanted to do for himself. But part of him still couldn't believe whenever Lance told people about him. It still seemed surreal and crazy and…. He couldn't fathom it in his head. 

“What did you say?” he asked breathlessly, holding Lance's face in his hands. 

Lance looked flustered and dazed. “Oh, well…. It's a long story. But my brother Luis overheard us talking and he was really cool about it. Then Vero and Luis helped me tell Marco. I told them I was seeing you and then… I figured out I identify as pan too, so…. In case you still wanted to know my sexuality.” 

Keith smiled at him and shook his head. “I don't need a label to explain how you feel about me. But I'm happy you found one you like.” He kissed him softly and ran his hands through his hair. He laughed and shut his eyes. “I can't believe you told them. They were okay?” 

Lance nodded. “Of course I told them. I didn't know I'd tell them over break, but… I knew I wanted to. It just worked out. I got lucky and they were really chill about it. They're just upset that Veronica met you already.” Keith laughed and hugged him tightly. 

“You're amazing,” he breathed. He felt overwhelmed. He didn't want to let Lance go for a second. He had no idea it could feel this freeing and wonderful to not be hidden. It felt surreal that Lance talked about him to other people, gushed about him, told people close to him that Keith was an important person in his life. 

“You okay,  _ principe?”  _ Keith nodded and forced himself to get a grip. 

But the more he tried, the more his head swarmed with everything. He couldn't help but contrast Lance to everything he knew before, everything he'd experienced. And the more he thought of it, the more he couldn't believe Lance was real. How had he gotten so lucky? 

The way the universe worked in his favor to introduce them, to give Lance the persistence to ask him out even with all the times Keith brushed him off, to bring them to where they were now…. It felt too good to be true. But everything about Lance felt that way. 

“Keith?” Lance whispered his name gently, his hand tilted Keith's head up slightly by the chin. 

“Will you go somewhere with me?” 

Lance furrowed his eyebrows, not commenting on the way Keith's eyes watered or the way his. voice shook. “Sure. When?” 

“Now?” Lance raised his eyebrows, but he nodded. Keith got up and Lance followed him. He looked concerned, and Keith couldn't blame him. He felt… strange. With all those memories and all the realizations that came only after seeing the way Lance was with him. 

He stayed quiet in the car, petting Kosmo idly and only speaking to direct Lance. Once Lance parked, they stayed in the car and Keith stared straight ahead at nothing through the windshield. 

“Babe, I'm getting a little freaked out,” Lance admitted. “Are you okay?” 

Keith frowned. “I…. No. Not really.” He swallowed and shit his eyes. “I'm just thinking about… everything I experienced before you. How I thought it was good or good enough, and now…. Now I'm realizing it was all shit and… and that….” Keith let out a frustrated sigh. He looked at Lance. 

Those ocean eyes were steady on him, glinting with the dipping sunset. They looked like blue palette kaleidoscopes, completely focused on Keith, unaware of the effect they had on him. 

“Remember how I said I got into trouble in high school?” Lance nodded. “I had a boyfriend. The only official one. I was a freshman and… he was a second time junior. I didn't tell anyone about him because…. Well I didn't know my foster family that well and I figured I knew what I was doing. I was his right hand man most of the time, following him in everything he did, doing whatever he wanted me to. He knew how to sweet talk me into it.” He scoffed and sniffed, refusing to let the tears build in his eyes again. “Whether it was being his lookout or ditching half my classes or covering for him or giving him a blowjob. When I was being particularly stubborn, he'd put his arm over my shoulders and pull me close to him steering me around and talking about loyalty and love until I gave in.” 

“Keith….” 

He looked over at Lance. He looked confused and angry even. Keith shrugged. “I was young. I was stupid. I believed him. I believed him when he said he loved me and that no one would love me or understand me the way he did. I believed him when he said we were all we had and that if he was mean it was just because he loved me and didn't know what else to do. I….” Keith shut his eyes again. The ghost of those fingers still hovered over his skin. Why hadn't he just listened to Shiro? 

“Shiro told me he was no good. He was too old for me at the time, he was trouble, he'd get me in trouble. Shiro didn't even know the extent of it. He knew I missed school, knew I'd sneak in late because I was out with the guy, and he knew we were out doing things we weren't supposed to. But Shiro didn't know how he treated me, the things he got me to do, the things he'd say to me.” Keith felt sick. He felt sick to his stomach remembering it all. “I was just so sure I knew what I was doing. And everytime he pushed me around or yelled at me or….” Keith shrugged. “I'd make excuses. All kinds of excuses for him. I didn't want him to leave me. Not even when left me behind and I took the fall for one of his vandalisms. Not even when he talked me into sex and didn't even bother to be careful. Not even when he gave me a black eye because I figured I deserved it, I pushed him too much and I fought back anyway and gave him one too. I apologized for weeks because of that. He never said sorry once.” 

A hand gripped his and he felt Lance pull it up to his lips. Where Keith refused to cry, Lance was already wiping away runaway tears. “ _ Prinicpe… _ that…. He….. He was an abusive, manipulative piece of-” 

“I didn't know that then,” Keith interrupted. “I just knew someone wanted me and that someone else was trying to keep us apart. I'd never been in a relationship before, I figured they were all like that. I figured it didn't matter if we hit each other, we were both guys.” Lance shut his eyes tight and gripped his hand. “I didn't realize I was scared of him, just that I was scared of losing him. So I did everything for him. I wanted to do everything right. Even when Shiro literally forbade me from seeing him like I was some thirteen year old girl in the middle ages, I did anything to be with him. And then my sophomore year, around the time Shiro realized I wasn't actually in dance and was trying to pull strings to get me into it, I found out he was cheating on me.” 

“ _ What?”  _

Keith shrugged. “Some freshman. Smaller than me. Kind of dorky. I found them kissing at the usual spot I met him at. I got so angry and I just…. We got into a fight. The worst of them all. I won, I mean you don't go years being the new kid in school and not know how to fight. But he told me I was too much work. That all I was good for was a fuck and a blowjob.” Beside him, Lance cursed under his breath. A sound full of anger that was mirrored in the slight tremor of his hand. 

Keith looked at him and tilted his face toward him. “It was the best thing that could've happened to me, though. Shiro got me into dance, and the guy graduated that year, so I was free of him for the last two years of high school. I was so broken, that Shiro and I got closer because he was so worried about me. And I started kicking ass in school.” 

He smiled and shrugged. “Then when Roland came into the picture, it just… felt like all of that was being reiterated. He left me because I was a bad person who took advantage of him, because I was too much work, because I wasn't good enough. And I made him excuses too. He wanted to hide and that was okay because he was still mine. Didn't want to call me his boyfriend but that was okay because he was with me anyway. He didn't want to come out and that was okay because a lot of people don't. My first time having sex with him hurt and that was fine because he was just nervous.” 

Keith shook his head. “I was broken when he left me. And my ex's words never stopped ringing in my head. That he was the only one who could love me. If he stopped, who else ever could? That no one would know me the way he did, that he was all I had. Then that I was too much work, only good for sex. So once Roland ditched me, I figured, sure. Why not? Sex was fun. And I was done with relationships label or no label. And if I'm so fucking good at it, why not make the fucking best of it?” 

Keith paused, realizing his grip on Lance's hand was ridiculously tight. All the strength it took to keep himself from breaking was going into holding on to Lance. Wonderful, beautiful Lance. 

He pulled their interlocked hands to his chest. He knew Lance could feel his racing heartbeat. Then he looked up to meet watery cerulean eyes that seemed completely focused on him. 

“Lance, the way people treated me….” Keith sighed and forced the knot in his throat to shrink. “One guy put his hand over my mouth so I'd be quieter. Another told me, as he was fucking me, that I was tighter than his girlfriend. Another guy was so drunk, he barely got my pants under my ass and went for it. Another guy told me to turn around because that way he could pretend I was someone else.” Lance's tears fell faster and Keith reached over to wipe them away. “And they all left as soon as they were done. Left me half dressed or sore on my bed, my floor, in their car. And I told myself over and over that it was fine. I was just that good. I was just that wanted. That I enjoyed it even when it hurt and even when I was alone.” 

Keith smoothed out the furrow between his eyes. “And then you came along,” he said with a chuckle. “With your smirk and your dimple and your pretty eyes. Looking for me and insisting and…. And being so careful and so sweet and so cuddly.” 

Lance laughed, but it was half a sob too. 

“You did everything right. You did everything opposite of them. And even though I know that, even though I should be used to it…. I'm not.” Keith kissed the back of his hand. “I just wanted you to know that I'm so thankful you came into my life and changed everything. I wanted you to understand what I mean when I say you're different and so much more than I ever could have hoped for.” 

“It just… it explains so much. Why you were so distant, why you always looked surprised, why you expected me to disappear…. Why you seemed so scared whenever we were looking for Roland.” Lance touched Keith's cheek lightly. “ _ Mi cielo hermoso,  _ you deserve so much more. You've got to be one of the strongest people I know.” He leaned forward, sharing a salty, gentle kiss with Keith. When he pulled back, he looking at the small gas station shop in confusion. “But why are we here?” 

Keith smiled and kissed him chastely one more time. “Come on.” He opened the door, and Kosmo immediately hopped out and shook himself. He took Lance's hand and tugged him along as they walked behind the building toward the dumpsters. 

“Oh this is where that dragon and griffin piece was,” Lance said, looking up at the wall. “I wonder if they caught whoever destroyed it.” 

Keith snorted. “No. They never caught me.” 

Lance frowned and looked over at him, a bit shocked. Then his expression melted into understanding. “The friend you had who did graffiti. That was the boyfriend.” Keith nodded. Lance looked at the wall again, and instead of curiosity, satisfaction simmered in his gaze. 

“We spent weeks on this one. I'd sit by the fence and watch. He said it was us. That he made it for me.” He stared at the food smears and the haphazard streaks and drips of black spray paint. “I came here a lot. Even when you and me started hanging out. To think. To be angry. I came here after our first big fight.” 

“From the night you met Vero?” 

Keith nodded. “I guess… the things he used to tell me were still in my head. And then I got angry. I got so angry that all these years later he was still fucking with me. So I decided to ruin it. Ruin the last hold he had on me.” 

Lance stepped in front of him, blocking his view of the ruined art. “How do you feel now? Looking at it?” 

Keith smiled and tugged him closer. “Free. Hopeful.” He bumped their noses together. “Lance, I'm not good with words like you are. I can't… fully express to you how much it means to me that you've been so different. But I want you to understand.” 

“I do. I do, I get it. I hate that you had to go through all of that. But I promise you, you never have to go through it again. I will never, ever hurt you or lay a hand on you or make you feel like you're less than me. You will never have to be scared of me, baby.” 

Keith hummed and brushed their lips together, teasing slightly. Then he wrapped his arms around Lance and pulled him into a kiss. 

He wasn't good with words. But hopefully his kiss could show Lance everything he couldn't voice. 

When they pulled apart, mostly at Kosmo's impatient insistence, Keith took a shaky breath and offered a smile. “Let's get back. I think I'm done coming back here.” Lance nodded and took his hand, taking him back to the car. 

The ride back was quiet. Keith pet Kosmo wishbone hand, the other intertwined with Lance's until he needed both hands to make a tight turn. Keith figured they both needed the quiet. 

He'd just laid out most of his life for Lance. Reliving it left him tired. And he knew he'd given Lance a lot of information that he needed to let sink in. 

When they got to the apartment, Lance nudged him toward the room. They sat on the bed together with Kosmo curled up into a ball beside them. 

“Did I freak you out?” Keith asked softly. 

Lance shook his head and brushed his fingertips against his cheek. “No. I wanna punch all of those assholes in the face, but… I'm not freaked out. Why would I be?” 

Keith shrugged. “It was… a lot. A lot of baggage. A lot of people I… slept with. Just. A lot overall.” 

Lance smiled and said, “Hmm. Yeah. It was. But it also made me admire you a lot more than I already did.” He pulled Keith closer for a kiss. “You didn't scare me off. You made me wanna stay that much more.” 

Keith chuckled and tugged Lance until he had to shift with his legs on either side of Keith. Lance's arms draped over his shoulders and his hands slid into Keith's hair. He could feel slender fingers massaging his scalp gently. 

“I like you a lot, you know that?” Lance whispered. Keith hummed and wrapped his arms around Lance's torso. “I'm not going anywhere.” 

“I believe you,” Keith whispered.

“Can I ask you something?” Keith nodded, skimming his lips along Lance's jawline. “Why don't you let yourself cry?” Keith pulled back and furrowed his eyebrows. “It's just…. When you were talking, I could tell you wanted to.” A hand pushed his hair back gently. “Keith, I've never seen you cry.” 

Keith grimaced and hid his face in the crook of Lance's neck. “I don't like crying. It makes me feel weak and it's embarrassing for people to see me cry. I've cried alone, but it makes me feel stupid.” Lance sighed in his ear and Keith immediately added, “It's not that I don't trust you or feel comfortable around you, pretty boy. I promise. I don't even cry in front of Shiro anymore. There's no point in it. I can't control being hurt, but I can control my responses. If I don't cry, it feels like I still win somehow.” 

Lance pulled Keith away with his hands on either side of his head. “ _ Corazón.  _ The things you've gone through…. If it hurts to talk about and if it hurt to go through… you have every right to cry. It's not weak or embarrassing-” 

“I know it's not. But it feels that way to me. I just don't like doing it.” Lance huffed, but seeing that Keith wouldn't budge, he begrudgingly let it be. “Don't huff at me,” Keith said with a laugh. 

“I'll just show you all the tearjerker movies. Then you'll have an excuse.” Keith rolled his eyes, but smiled at him. “You wanna be the little spoon tonight?”

Keith bit his lip and blushed slightly. “.... Yeah.” 

Lance chuckled and hugged him tightly. “You got it, koala.” He shuffled back to get off him and nudged Kosmo aside to pull the covers back. “Come on, babe.” 

Keith smiled and got under the covers beside Lance, laughing softly when Lance wrapped his arms around and pulled him in so there was no space between them. Then he snuggled his face at the nape of Keith's neck, making Keith squirm and laugh a little louder. 

Lance's arm draped over one of Keith's so their hands could interlock. Kosmo curled up at their feet. “Hey, pretty boy?” 

A soft hum from behind him. Keith turned ao he was facing Lance. His finger traced the shape of his face, the outline of his lips. Lance's eyes were closed as a peaceful smile settled on his lips. 

“Do you wanna go on a date with me?” 

Lance opened his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows. “Of course. Where do you want to go?” 

Keith shook his head. “I have it planned out.” 

That made Lance's eyebrows go up and a smile spread on his face. “You planned a date? For me?” 

He nodded and smiled shyly. “I've never done it before, so I'm kind of nervous…. But I wanted to do something for you.” He winced as Lance's smile grew bigger, his eyes sparkling and his dimple deepening. “I apologize in advance if it sucks.” 

“Impossible.” 

Keith rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms and legs around Lance, happy to rest his head against his chest and feel the of his heart. It was beating so quickly and it made Keith feel all jittery knowing  _ he  _ did that. He made Lance's heart race. 

It was almost stifling being beneath the covers and completely wrapped around Lance. He could see how flushed Lance looked, but neither of them really wanted to move. 

Instead Lance kept brushing his hair back with his fingers and pressed lazy kisses to the crown of his head occasionally. Keith realized he was falling asleep when his movements slowed more and more until they stopped completely. 

Keith pulled his head back slightly to look at him. His lips were slightly parted, his breaths slow and steady. Keith was close enough to count each eyelash. Each freckle that nearly blended into his skin from far away. 

“Beautiful,” Keith whispered to himself. Even with the thin line of drool that was starting at the corner of his mouth. Keith smiled to himself and settled back against his chest, taking a shaky breath before he let himself drift to sleep.


	18. Side Effects

There was always something in the way. Always some reason to postpone talking. In reality, maybe Lance was just a coward. 

Maybe he didn't want to take away from Keith's moment after he explained his past. Maybe he didn't want to stress him before the competition. Or maybe he was afraid to open up with that past. Maybe he couldn't face the emotions he still carried about Allura's death. 

"I gotta get going, pretty boy. I'll see you after rehearsals, okay?" 

Lance nodded and leaned in to kiss him. "You sure you don't want me to drive you?" 

Keith smiled and tousled Lance's hair. "Go back to sleep. I know you usually sleep until noon on weekends." He gave Lance another kiss. "I'll come by to get Kosmo then I'll go get ready at home. And I promise we can spend all of tomorrow studying for that science test you have." 

"Alright, alright," Lance said with a laugh. "Go on then. Drive safe. I'll see you later,  _ príncipe."  _

He watched Keith leave and then turned around to whistle for Kosmo to follow him back to the room. Kosmo immediately jumped on the bed and waited for Lance to lay down before curling up beside him. 

Lance wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep when he woke up to Kosmo barking at the door. "Kosmo, shush. They'll fine me if they find out you're in here." Then Lance heard the incessant knocking on the door. 

He went to check through the peephole and saw Hunk and Pidge on the other side of the door. As soon as he let them in, Kosmo barked and pawed at them, demanding attention. 

"So, ready for your date tonight?" Pidge asked with a smile. 

"Yes, absolutely," he answered, feeling himself blush. He was nervous, but also… really excited. He'd never been taken out on a date before. 

Despite his answer, Pidge narrowed her eyes at him. "You  _ still  _ haven't told him?" 

"How do you  _ do  _ that?" Lance said with a groan. He leaned against the counter as he hid his face in his hands. "No. I haven't told him yet. Our date is tonight, I really don't want to ruin it by starting it off with… everything." 

"And his dance competition is coming up and you don't wanna distract him. And after that, it's winter break and you'll be apart, so you don't wanna say it then. Then when we come back it's gonna be because the new semester just started and you don't wanna have a bad start. Then because it's gonna be Valentine's day." Lance glared at Hunk as he listed off Lance's future excuses. "You realize you're only psyching yourself out more by putting this off right?" 

"Hunk is right, Lance. Besides, it's not like Keith is going to break up with you because… because your girlfriend died." 

"I  _ know. _ I know all of that. It's just… still terrifying. I know he deserves to know but… how do you even begin to explain all of that?" 

Lance meant for that to be a rhetorical question, but Pidge shrugged and took his hand. "You begin by saying you need to talk. And then explaining all of this that you're feeling now before telling him about her." He felt his chest constrict. Maybe Pidge noticed it, because then she said, "But hey. Your big date is today. So look forward to that and focus on it, okay?" 

Lance took a deep breath and nodded. He knew he had to suck it up and do it at some point. Tell Keith about Allura and finally stop hiding things. He would… eventually. But Pidge was right. This date was an exciting thing for him, and he wanted to enjoy it. 

He gave Hunk and Pidge a small smile. "Do you guys know what he's got planned?" 

Hunk and Pidge shared a smile. "Yeah. He wanted to be sure he planned things correctly. Frankly, we didn't even have to add or correct anything. Who knew Keith was such a romantic?" Hunk said. 

Pidge snorted. "You kidding? He was super hooked on that movie we watched the other day the one with the girl who lost her memory. He's a total sucker for romance just like Lance." Hunk mulled that over and agreed. "You're gonna have an amazing time, Lance. Promise." 

Lance bit his lip and wondered what Keith could possibly have planned. 

"Will I cry?" he asked. 

"Lance, you cry at the ASPCA commercial. What do you think?" Hunk pointed out. 

"I mean, fair, but also, hey!" 

Pidge laughed and shook her head. "Well, we're not allowed to divulge any information, so we're gonna shut up," she said, glancing at Hunk. "And also, you said you'd proofread my final essay, so come on."

"How dare you make me use my brain the day of my date." Pidge stuck her tongue out at him and went to sit down on the couch. 

They stayed with him for a long time. Despite Hunk and Pidge insisting on it being a homework day until the date, it really wasn't. It never was when they got together and it was a weekend. 

Instead they talked about random things the way best friends do. They made a topic that could've lasted only five minutes last a whole hour before another tangent had them talking for another half hour and then they remembered what the original conversation was. 

That time with them kept Lance's mind from drifting. He didn't think about Allura or telling Keith about Allura. He didn't think about how nervously excited he was for the date. He didn't even have time to second guess his outfit. 

Part of him wondered if that's why Pidge and Hunk were there- to calm him down and keep him steady. He didn't want to ask though, because regardless of whether they meant to or not, they still helped him a lot. 

Keith arrived a little later, still slightly sweaty from rehearsal. His hair was still in a low ponytail, but he had no headband so a few hair strands were loose and sticking to his forehead. 

"How was Kosmo?" he asked as he greeted Lance with a kiss on the cheek and then lightly hugged Pidge and Hunk. 

"Absolute angel, of course," Pidge said in a baby voice that made Kosmo's tail wag maniacally. 

Keith smiled and ruffled his fur playfully. "That's my good boy. Ready to go home?" Kosmo barked, and Keith laughed. Keith looked at Lance and smiled sheepishly, his cheeks turning bright red. "I'll come get you in two hours, okay? Is that enough time for you to get ready?" Lance nodded, also feeling his cheeks heat up and a ball of nervous energy scourged through his veins. "Perfect. See you soon, pretty boy." Keith pecked his lips before saying goodbye to Hunk and Pidge. 

The two smiled widely at Keith and it only made Lance more curious as to what was in store. They waved as he went out the door with Kosmo then turned to Lance immediately. 

"We're here for anything you need, buddy. Hype team, help, anxiety relievers, whatever," Hunk told him. Pidge nodded in agreement and gave him a thumbs up. 

Lance chuckled and scratched the back of his head. "Thanks you guys," he said softly. Lance went to take a shower and tried to make it quicker than usual. 

When he was out, he saw that either Pidge or Hunk had ironed his shirt for him and laid out a sweater. Smiling, he got dressed in dark blue jeans and a long sleeve navy button up. Then he stepped out to the living room. 

The second Hunk and Pidge looked over at him, they started making a huge fuss. Wolf whistles and howls and cheers and whoops and playfully sultry comments that left Lance red in the face from both embarrassment and a fit of laughter. 

"Damn, look at our boy!" 

"Come on give us a spin, Lance, let's see the whole snack!" 

"You guys are idiots," Lance said as he obliged and spun, suddenly a little self conscious. But it led to more cheers and wolf whistles that made him laugh. 

"So what's next?" Pidge asked with a playful smile. "Any accessories? Any special hair stuff?" 

"Um… well no. I think just last minute touch up stuff? Brushing my teeth, fixing my hair, that kind of stuff." Lance bit his lip and shrugged. "I don't wanna go too big, y'know? Like this is huge, but also, it's just… me and Keith." 

"Well, as two people who know what's planned for tonight, we can promise you look perfect," Hunk said. 

Pidge nodded in agreement. "Not too fancy, not too casual. How much longer till Keith gets here?" 

"Um, he said in two hours, and I showered pretty quickly this time. Maybe another hour? I'm really nervous. I shouldn't be nervous, I mean it's just Keith and we've been on a bunch of dates-" 

"Lance," Pidge interrupted. She chuckled and sat him down before messing with his hair. "It's totally okay to be nervous. Even if you've been on lots of dates together." 

"Yeah, and the nervousness will go away when you're with him," Hunk said with a smile. "Wanna watch an episode of Brooklyn 99 to get your mind off it?" 

Lance took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah. Let me just brush my teeth and get my shoes." He turned back to his room and tugged his shoes on. He didn't have fancy dress shoes, but he had a pair of Vans he didn't wear often and went well his outfit. He went to brush his teeth, and when he was done, he opened cabinet with his colognes. 

He only had a few, but of course the fullest one was the one Allura had gifted to him. After everything, Lance wondered if he was ready for that. After all, this was a memorable day. An important day. A date with Keith, the first Keith ever planned and the first time Lance would be taken out instead of the other way around. 

He grabbed the bottle and stared at it. He uncapped it and raised it to nose to smell the nozzle. 

The second he did, his heart clenched and his throat tightened, making it hard to breathe. The scent brought memories of a faded smile and a day full of black clothing and the smell of dirt. He slammed the bottle back onto the counter and shook his head to clear it. 

"Shit." Lance stared at the counter, waiting on the memories to fade. They didn't, not completely, but he still put the bottle back and grabbed a different one to spray on. 

Lance couldn't let his head get the best of him. Not today. He genuinely wanted to enjoy today. Going home for Thanksgiving had given him so much peace of mind, and it helped a lot. 

Still, while that stopped some of the hesitance Lance felt, it didn't remove the memories or the pain the memories brought him. He couldn't even face the memories himself, how was he supposed to talk about it out loud? 

Again, Lance shook his head. Today was not a day to think about that. He could go back to worrying and feeling guilty about that tomorrow. 

Taking a deep breath, Lance left the bathroom and went back to his friends, hoping a little comedy could calm his nervousness. They watched two episodes before Lance heard his phone ring. 

A picture of a sleeping Keith lit up his phone. He excused himself before answering. 

"Hey,  _ mi príncipe.  _ You on your way?"

"Not yet. I called because… well, because I'm nervous. And the first thing I thought was to call you. Which probably isn't the best thing to do, but-" 

"Keith," Lance interrupted with a laugh. "Baby. It's okay. I'm nervous too. In a good way." 

"Yeah. Yeah. Me too. In a good way. But also maybe kind of a bad way?" Lance laughed. "It's just… I really don't wanna fuck this up for you." 

"Look, I don't know what you've got planned, but Hunk and Pidge said it'll be great. And I trust them with my life, so…. I believe them." He heard Keith take a shaky breath. "Keith… in all honesty… I feel like I'll enjoy this date even if everything that could go wrong does. Because I just want to be with you." 

After a few beats of silence, Keith let out a loud breath. "Okay… I'm still nervous, but…."

"It's a good nervous?" 

Keith chuckled. "Yeah. Okay, I'll leave now. I'll be there soon, pretty boy." 

Lance bit his lip and said a quick goodbye before hanging up. He went back to Hunk and Pidge and said, "He's on his way."

"Well, Pidge, I do believe that's our cue to leave," Hunk said as he stood up. He walked over to Lance and hugged him tightly. "Have fun, man. And tell us everything!" 

Pidge hugged him next. "Yes! You look amazing, you're gonna have an amazing time, it'll be great! Hope you enjoy it all," she said with a smile. Then she and Hunk hurried out of the apartment. 

While Keith's place wasn't far, each passing minute felt like a thousand. Lance started pacing back and forth, staring at the door. 

Then suddenly, there was a knock. Lance rushed to his door and took a deep breath before he swung it open. Standing at his door was Keith, dressed with an unbuttoned dark grey shirt over a black one and black jeans. He had a leather jacket and his leather gloves too. Lance bit his lip and tried to calm his giddiness as well as the urge he got to yank Keith inside and kiss him until he forgot how to do anything else. 

"Hey, pretty boy," Keith said with a smirk that left Lance struggling to form a coherent thought. So he just smiled back and whispered a small hi. "You ready to go?" 

"Yeah," Lance said, a little louder. "You look… incredible." 

Keith blushed, and it made Lance smile to know he could still do that.

"And you look breathtaking," Keith answered. Then he held out his hand for Lance to take. Lance locked his door before taking Keith's hand and following him out. As they reached his car, Keith touched his hand lightly to Lance's cheek and kissed him. "Couldn't help myself," he whispered. He opened the passenger door for Lance to get inside, but before Lance could, Keith ducked in for a second. 

When he faced Lance again, he had a little bunch of small sunflowers tied with a blue ribbon. Lance felt his heart rate increase as he stared at it. He knew they were for him, but at the same time there was no way they could be for him. 

Keith was still blushing when he handed them over. "These are for you. There's ten. One for every week we've known each other." 

Lance felt his throat closing up. But he didn't want to cry already, so he released his excitement and disbelief with nervous laughter. "You counted?" Keith nodded and Lance took the flowers in his hand before wrapping his charms around Keith and hiding his face in his neck. "You should know, I already love this date," he said through his laughter. 

Keith hugged him tighter and kissed his cheek. "Come on," he murmured. He nudged Lance gently to get him to get into the car. Then he got in on the driver's side and they left the apartment complex. 

Lance had no idea where they were going, but he held Keith's hand the whole time. He watched the city blur by in the window and hummed along to the music on the radio. He rubbed little circles into Keith's hand, sending how nervous he was by how hard he was squeezing his hand. Lance looked at his flowers then over at Keith. 

He was overwhelmed with the swirl of emotion that came from looking at him. Had everything that had happened between them truly happened within ten weeks? It felt like so much longer, and at the same time it felt like such a short time. 

He remembered how stoic-faced and hard to read Keith used to be. Constantly tense and only the occasional burst of something underneath. Now, as Lance looked at him, he was so… different. Lance could think back to all the times Keith was doubled over in laughter, or blushing, or times he'd look at Lance like he couldn't believe he was real. He was different, but it was still Keith. 

"What?" Keith asked suddenly. Lance hummed. "You're staring." 

"Mm. Yeah." Keith chuckled as they stopped at a light and Lance didn't hesitate to kiss him. 

As he kissed him, he felt Keith relax slightly. He lost himself in the kiss, and Keith must have too because a honk from behind had to alert them to the light change. 

They pulled apart and Keith lifted his hand in an apologetic wave before he kept driving. 

They drove for a little longer before Keith pulled in to a small place. It had white lights strung up all around and wooden picnic tables outside a building. There were a couple food trucks stationed outside, and once Lance caught a whiff of the food, his mouth watered. 

They got out of the car and headed to the entrance of the building, but before they could go inside, Keith pulled him aside. 

"So. I'm kind of nervous about this part. You could love it or you could hate it. But just let me know and we can leave and go somewhere else because I have a back up plan. Okay?" 

Lance furrowed his eyebrows and looked at the sign outside the building. Spider House Lounge. "What is this place, a spider museum?" Keith laughed and shook his head. "Okay, cool. Then I won't be running away screaming," he said. 

Keith rolled his eyes and took his hand. "Come on." He tugged him toward the entrance and paid a five dollar fee for them both. 

Lance saw a tripod with a sign on it advertising the night's event. 

_ Spider House presents: Slam Poetry Night with special guests and poets Sasha West and Carrie Fountain.  _

Lance stared at the sign then looked inside. There was no order to the seating arrangement. Just chairs scattered around, people hanging out all over the room with drinks in their hands, a few booths along the wall, and tall tables on the other side. 

He felt the hand in his squeeze slightly. He turned to look at Keith. "This okay?" he asked nervously. 

Lance nodded and smiled. "It's perfect." Keith smiled wider and they walked to a booth together. "This place is nice. How'd you even find it?" 

"Well, I was looking for places that had poetry nights or something. I was looking for a bookstore or cafe, but then I saw some videos of people performing here. They also have something called Shit-Faced Shakespeare so…. Figured this place had cool vibes." 

Lance laughed, but in reality, his heart was fluttering. Keith  _ researched  _ for their date. Lance wondered when he even had time to do it. He leaned into Keith, pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

"I'm excited. I've never seen people perform poetry in person, just videos." 

Keith smiled and put an arm around him. "I hope you like it. And if you want to leave just tell me, okay? I have-" 

"A back up, I know," Lance said with a light laugh. "I don't think we'll need it though." 

They talked as Lance watched people fill the space and watched a mic get set up on a slightly elevated platform. Keith went to get them some sodas and as he was coming back to their booth, a guy went up to the mic to greet everyone. 

He welcomed everyone and introduced the two guest poets before going into the general rules of the space. "Remember, slam poetry is interactive, so feel free to react, to cheer, to yell. And at the end snaps or claps work! We've got a great lineup of poets, several familiar faces and even a few new ones. Now let's go ahead and get started! Let's welcome Manuel Garcia to the stage!" 

Lance sat up a little to lean on the table and watched an awkward looking guy go up to the stage with a small smile. 

"Hey everyone. Um. So this is new shit-" 

Everyone in the room responded with a simultaneous cheer of, "New shit!" Beside Lance, Keith laughed. 

Manuel cleared his throat and started reciting a poem completely by memory, his eyes closing occasionally, his body moving with the rhythm of his words. Lance watched in fascination and listened as the speed and volume of his voice rose and fell, and he listened to the way people in the audience reacted. A few hums, a few oohs, occasional snaps. The poem was about suffering with PTSD, and though Lance had never experienced it, he could almost feel the agony for himself. 

Once he was done it was quiet for a solid five seconds. And then defeating applause filled the space along with cheers. Manuel got off the stage, back to that shy version of himself. 

Before Lance could turn to Keith to ramble about the poem, another person went up. As more people recited their poems, varying from angry to funny to sad, Lance found himself melting into his surroundings. 

The words and metaphors and images the other were painting made his heart long for a pen and paper. He didn't let himself think of any lines, but as he listened to the genius of the others, there was a part of him which yearned to try. 

He felt fingers trailing lightly along the back of his neck, making him shiver slightly. He looked over at Keith to find his eyes on him. There was a sweet, gentle look on his face. Lance mouthed,  _ what?  _ But Keith only shook his head and leaned in to gently kiss his cheek. 

Lance smiled and turned to kiss him on the mouth. 

Applause alerted them to the end of someone's poem. They turned their attention back to the stage as someone else came on. This time it was a girl with a beanie and long curly hair. 

"Uh hi! So this isn't new shit, but this is the first time the person I wrote it for will hear it…. So, Elena, this is for you. Ah, okay." She cleared her throat and closed her eyes. 

"I used to believe in happily ever after, like any other little girl," she started softly. Her voice shook. "But I had more villains in my life than those princesses and no prince charming in sight. Then you walked into my life with your black skinny jeans and long sleeved shirts in the middle of August-I wish I could say the first thought I had when I met you was that you were beautiful but really, it was….  _ Is this chick crazy?"  _ Soft laughter filled the space. The girl smiled and nodded. "Immediately after that, I thought,  _ she's breathtaking.  _ And then after that, I thought  _ I have no chance.  _ You see that's how my head works, it takes one thought and spirals it into others until I've had a whole conversation in my head within five seconds and all those thoughts might have been the reason I was such a bitch to you." She took another deep breath and chuckled. "I never told you how sorry I was for that. I'm sorry I was so mean when we met, I was just afraid. I'm sorry you can't always keep up with my thoughts and I'm sorry I get mad at you for it when I can't even keep up with myself. I'm sorry you got the shit luck of falling for me, but if it helps, I fell for you too. I'm sorry I'm hard to love, I'm sorry I'm not that good at showing it to you, I'm sorry he broke me, and I'm sorry you were the one picking up the pieces. I'm sorry." By the end of that part, her voice wavered. "Elena…. Thank you for loving me the way you do. You made me believe in happily ever afters again." 

She sniffed and laughed at herself. "Oh God, okay, thank you guys!" 

Applause and cheers and empathetic awww's filled the room and Lance watched as the girl got down and was immediately embraced by another. But when Elena pulled her into a kiss, Lance looked away, not wanting to intrude on a personal moment. 

He turned to Keith, but Keith was staring at his drink with more concentration than necessary. Lance gently turned Keith's face toward him. 

"You okay?" he whispered. 

"What? Yeah, I'm okay," he said. Lance hummed and looked at him expectantly. "Really. Just… intense performance for that one." 

Lance bit his lip and pressed a hand to his cheek. "Relatable?" Keith swallowed and nodded. The way his jaw tended under Lance's hand made him wonder if he was holding back tears. "I never thought you were broken," he whispered. 

Keith blinked rapidly, staring at Lance with wide, vulnerable eyes. "Just fucked up?" 

Lance rolled his eyes. "No." One of the guest poets went up, so Lance lowered his voice. "When I first met you, I thought you were guarded. Careful. You knew what you wanted and what you didn't." Lance kissed him softly. "Then, the more I found out about you, the more I felt you are one of the strongest people I know. Beautiful and resilient." 

Keith smiled, but his breath was shaky. Then he leaned in and gave him a kiss that was too intense to be given in public. It took Lance's breath away, and all he was aware of was Keith's touch. Even the loud applause couldn't take him away from his moment with Keith. 

When they pulled apart, Lance kept his eyes shut and his forehead pressed against Keith's. He loved the smell of Keith's cologne. He loved the way the leather of his gloves felt as his fingers brushed back and forth along his cheeks. He felt his heart stutter each time Keith's teeth grazed his lip and tugged lightly. 

"You're making me feel and think things I really shouldn't be feeling and thinking in public," Lance admitted. 

A cocky little smirk tugged the corner of Keith's lip upward. "Really?" he said softly. Lance narrowed his eyes and looked away. 

He paid attention to the second guest speaker, and Keith busied himself with pressing kisses along his neck up to just below his ear. Lance smiled to himself and shook his head, but Keith paid no mind. 

The final poet recited something about motherhood, but it was just as beautiful as the others. It felt amazing to see so many people being so good at something as beautiful as poetry. As everyone clapped for everyone who performed, Keith leaned closer to his ear and said, "Maybe one day you could be up there." 

Lance bit his lip and looked at the mic. He took a deep breath then smiled over at Keith. "Yeah. Maybe one day. It would be nice." 

Keith smiled and kissed him lightly on the mouth. "Wanna get something to eat before our next stop?" Lance nodded and quickly got out of the booth. Keith walked behind him with his arms draped over his shoulders in a loose hug. "So, which was your favorite?" 

"Oh man. All of them! They were incredible! I mean, poetry is already such an intricate and ambiguous art, but then they get a chance to give it so much more with how it's delivered, their expressions, and oh my God- that group one? The four people bouncing back and forth and then together and using movement? You can't get that in a written poem, you know, and it must have taken so much work to put together, I just. God, I'm so blown away. And I love how the one guy strangified things, because even though everyone knows what heartbreak is like, he made it funny and new and I still had to think. It was so amazing to watch these people and to listen, I can't get over it." 

He knew he was rambling, and it made him blush a bit. At the same time, he was happy though. He felt comfortable rambling to Keith and knew Keith enjoyed hearing him. He could feel the soft breath of a chuckle Keith let out. 

"Well, I'm happy you liked it. I liked watching you react. You do this cute lip bite and the furrow between your eyebrows." 

Lance smirked and turned his head as they walked to a food truck. "You were watching me?" Keith nodded. "Aw, my little koala is so smitten with me." 

Keith laughed. "Okay, one- never say it that way again. And two- you should definitely know that by now." Keith kissed his cheek then nudged him forward so they could order. 

After eating and more rambling about the poets, Lance excitedly asked. "So what's our next stop?" 

A soft smile made on Keith's face made Lance nervous all over again. "I'm not telling, but we'll head over as soon as you're done with that burger." 

Lance nodded and stuffed the last bit into his mouth. "'Kay, done!" Keith laughed at him and shook his head before grabbing a napkin and wiping the corner of Lance's mouth for him. 

He stood up and held out his hand. "Okay then, pretty boy. Let's go." 

Lance took his hand and followed him back to the car. He touched the petals on his flowers as they drove and wondered what would come next. Then he recognized the path they were taking. 

"Why are we going to your campus?" He looked over at Keith, but he only smirked and gave no answer. Lance couldn't think of anything remotely romantic that could happen at a school. 

Keith parked and Lance got out apprehensively. He didn't know this building since he was limited to the main building where Keith's rehearsal was at. They walked to the doors and Lance watched as Keith pulled out an ID with a familiar face. 

"Why do you have Pidge's ID?" 

"She let me borrow it to have access to the building. She also made sure I knew I'd regret it if I lost it." Keith opened the door and gestured for Lance to go inside. There was a plaque at the front which let him know it was the science building. "Follow me." 

Lance let Keith lead him up a flight of stairs then up another that led outside. They came out to a greenhouse with netting all around it and various plants with stickers and names Lance couldn't read. 

"Come on," Keith said, taking his hand. He pulled back some of the netting and revealed a view of the rest of the campus and the distant skyline of the city. 

"What are we doing up here?" Lance asked as he leaned against the concrete ledge to look out. It felt so calm. From up there, he didn't even think it was a college campus. Just a place with a nice view. 

He heard Keith chuckle. Then he heard the strum of a guitar in a familiar tune. He turned and saw Keith with his hand out. "May I have this dance?" 

Lance's eyebrows went up. He was certain he'd stopped breathing completely. His hand shook as he slid it into Keith's. Keith gently pulled him in and placed his other hand at Lance's waist. 

"I'm not a great dancer," Lance whispered nervously, trying to ignore the knot in his throat. 

Keith only smiled and pressed his fingers into his back, leading his movements. "I've got you, pretty boy." 

Lance blushed and let Keith lead him as the song played. As the chorus came up, Lance realized why it was so familiar. He used to love this song when he was little. It always came on the days his mamá would turn the radio on to clean the house. 

"Why'd you choose this song?" Lance asked softly. 

"I asked Adam to give me a list of Spanish songs. Then I read through a translation of the lyrics and this one was my favorite. I did double check though…. With… Veronica." 

Lance froze. He stared at Keith and felt his throat close up. He couldn't believe how much Keith put into this. Just for him. Just to make sure their date was special. 

"Wait, why are you crying?" Keith asked in alarm. "What did I do?" 

Lance pulled him into a kiss, interrupted by soft breaths and tears, before hugging him tightly and hiding his face in Keith's shoulder. Keith was still sputtering in confusion. He kissed him again and bumped their noses together. "They're happy tears, I promise," he whispered. "I just can't believe you did all of this for me." 

Keith turned a little red. He stayed quiet as he began to move them along to the music, slower paced than the actual song, but it still worked somehow. Or maybe it didn't, but for Lance it was perfect. 

"I'd do anything for you if it made you feel half as happy as you make me feel, pretty boy." 

Lance bit his lip and rested his head on Keith's shoulder. He began to sing the song softly, the lyrics resonating with him more than they ever had before. 

"I'm really happy Pidge and Hunk dragged me to that party. And I'm really happy I met you." Keith let out a breath near his ear. "This is the best date I've ever been on, you know?" 

"Well, it's not over yet. I've got one more place for us to go, but we have thirty minutes to get there and it's really close by." 

Lance lifted his head and looked at Keith with a smirk. "How will we pass the time?" Lance asked dramatically. Keith's nose scrunched as he smiled playfully. Then he pulled Lance into a kiss and the song began to end in the background. 

A few other slower songs played, but they didn't dance to them all. They kissed and kissed and kissed some more. Lance thought kissing was bound to get boring at some point when done for so long, but it never did. It took a ringing on Keith's phone to alert them that they had to leave. 

Lance didn't bother asking where they were going. He just took Keith's hand and followed him back down the stairs and out of the building. They were nearly tripping over themselves, laughing and running to get to the car. 

Keith started driving and Lance kept his attention on the places they passed to guess their next spot. They turned into a movie theater parking lot and he smiled to himself. 

"Taking a page out of the classics, huh?" 

"You could say that," Keith said with a sly smile. He parked, and they got out of the car. Keith simply gave his name to the guy at the ticket booth, and then they went to the concessions. 

Lance tried to guess what they might watch. A superhero movie, probably. Keith knew how much Lance loved those. But maybe a romance, because it was a date. Lance couldn't think of any romance films out at the time though. 

"Stop trying to guess what we're watching," Keith said, handing him candy and a blue slushie. "Now close your eyes so you don't catch the name on the little name thing at the top." 

Lance rolled his eyes, but did as he was told. He let Keith lead him until he was gently nudged past a door. "Can I open?" Keith hummed in affirmation. They hurried to take their seats. It wasn't super packed, but it was obviously movie night for lots of people. 

Keith led him to their seats, near the top and towards the middle like Lance liked. He wouldn't budge or give hints for the movie as the trailers passed. Lance only gave up because the lights went completely out for the feature presentation. 

Then he heard the song "Accidentally in Love" playing as two ogres on a honeymoon took up the screen. 

Lance gasped and reached for Keith- his hand, his shoulder, his face, anything. "No way," he whispered. There was no possible way. But the montage continued, and the number two with little ogre ears showed up, casting away any doubt. Lance looked over at Keith who was smiling widely at him. "How?" 

Keith leaned in to whisper as the movie played. "This place plays older movies certain nights. They had Grease last week, and I almost got us that one, but I looked at other showings and knew I had to bring you to this one. I know it's your favorite of all of them." 

Lance laughed softly in disbelief. "You're amazing." Keith ducked his head and Lance figured he was blushing. 

The entire movie, Lance found himself mumbling the lines under his breath, softly singing along to each song that came on. He felt like a little kid again, remembering the way his parents had taken him and his siblings to see the movie when it first came out. By the end of the movie, Lance was playfully serenading Keith with "I Need a Hero" as they walked back to the car. 

Keith laughed until they reached the car and Lance wrapped his arms around him. "Is there another stop for this amazing date?" Lance asked, unable to fathom anything else they could possibly do to top off everything else. 

Keith took his hand and kissed his knuckles. "Just back to your place for some hot chocolate."

"Oh, perfect! I'm freezing!" Lance kissed him lightly and hurried to get into the car. 

They drove back to Lance's apartment and once he put his sunflowers in water, he started on a batch of hot chocolate. 

Keith went up to him and wrapped his arms around Lance's torso. Lance felt his forehead lean against the nape of his neck. Then he felt light kisses pressing against his skin. 

"Did you really have fun?" he asked. 

"Keith, you planned the most perfect date we could have ever had." He turned the stove off then turned to face him and tilted Keith's chin toward him. "I felt like I was flying among the stars tonight. And I had you right beside me." 

A beautiful smile spread of Keith's face as he caressed Lance's face. "Good. I kept thinking of everything that could go wrong and I was freaking out. But seeing the look on your face each time…." Keith chuckled and kissed him. "You're a dangerous one, pretty boy. You've got me wrapped around your finger." 

Lance felt a warmth settle in his chest. And as Keith kissed him in a way that made him melt, he felt a very different kind of warmth building in the pit of his stomach. He sighed as Keith tilted his head to kiss his neck gently and pressed him closer against the counter. 

" _ Príncipe…. _ " Keith hummed in question. "You haven't really brought up the whole… you know, switching thing since I asked about it."

Keith pulled back, a light blush filling his cheeks. "Switching… like in bed?" Lance nodded. "I didn't think you'd want to anymore."

"Well… you were wrong. And if you want to…." Lance shrugged. He pulled Keith in by tugging his shirt. "It could be a pretty great end to this date," he whispered. 

Keith bit his lip as he looked at Lance. "Are you sure?" Lance nodded. Keith trailed a finger down his chest. "We can try. But you gotta tell me if you get uncomfortable. I won't get mad. Or if I do something that doesn't feel-" 

Lance covered his mouth with a hand. "I promise I will. We'll do it together." Keith grabbed the hand covering his mouth and kissed it. "Can you kiss me now?" 

Keith pulled him into a kiss and lifted Lance to set him on the counter. He grabbed his legs and wrapped them around himself before pulling Lance's weight into his arms and heading down the hallway. He walked backwards to sit on the bed and had Lance straddle him. 

Lance started to shove his grey button up away, but Keith grabbed his hands and intertwined their fingers. "Let's just kiss for a minute okay?" 

Lance blushed and tried to calm himself down. He nodded and shut his eyes as Keith's hand rested on his cheek, his thumb brushing back and forth against his cheekbone. He felt Keith's warm breath against his mouth and let his lips part in anticipation. He felt a tongue prod gently before a plump bottom lip pressed softly against his and pulled back. Lance shivered and let his mouth fall open a little more. He licked at Keith lip and tilted his head to lean closer. 

Then finally, Keith stopped teasing and really kissed him. Lance let out a small moan in response before sliding his hands into Keith's hair and tugging.

He loved the way Keith kissed him. Lance felt like his entire body was made of fireworks and he wanted to stay there forever. Every part of him felt fragile and sensitive under Keith's touch. He never knew how beautiful it could feel to be completely okay with being so vulnerable in someone else's hands. He had no fear. 

Keith's hands slid up his back as he moved to press soft kisses to his neck. They were warm and adoring, nowhere near hard enough to leave marks. Just enough to make Lance relax and sigh. 

Without saying anything, Keith pulled his hands away and started unbuttoning Lance's shirt from the bottom to the top. With each button that came undone, another kiss was pressed to his torso. As Keith gently pushed the shirt away from Lance's shoulders, his tongue licked up his chest between kisses. 

"You've got freckles everywhere," Keith murmured, trailing his finger along them like he was connecting the dots. Lance's freckles were only slightly darker than his skin, so people didn't always notice them. Keith had, a long time ago. 

"Quite literally  _ everywhere. _ " 

Keith chuckled before he grabbed onto Lance and turned them over, tossing Lance onto the mattress as he pushed away his own button up. 

Lance pulled himself up as Keith got to his knees and tugged his shirt off over his head. Once the shirt fell to the bed, Lance put his hands on either side of Keith's torso and leaned in to press kisses to his stomach. He heard Keith sigh as his hands shifted through Lance's hair. 

"No matter how many times we do this, I can't get over how gorgeous you are," Lance whispered against his skin. 

Keith laughed. "Ten weeks, and you're still cheesy as hell." 

Lance looked up at him and smirked. "That's what you signed up for with me, baby." Then Lance blew a raspberry into his stomach and Keith doubled over him as he laughed. 

"Lance, stop!" Keith begged as he clung to Lance. "No tickling!" He laughed as he grabbed Lance's face and forced him to look up. "That's not sexy," Keith said with a lingering smile. 

"Mm. You sure? Because the way you're looking at me-" Before he could finish, Keith leaned down and kissed him immediately pushing his tongue past Lance's lips. 

Lance felt Keith press against him slowly, pushing him back. He fumbled to shift his legs and be able to lean back. Once Keith had him against the bed, he used one hand to keep himself upright and the other cupped Lance's face. Lance loved the way his palm and fingers managed hold him so perfectly, making him feel protected and calm. 

Keith's hand slid down his neck to his chest as Lance trailed his up and down Keith's back. Then Keith shifted slightly to trail his kisses down Lance's stomach. His hair fell forward, tickling Lance as the strands brushed against his skin the lower Keith moved. He arched his back and bit his lip as he pushed Keith's hair back and held it at the nape of his neck in one fist. 

"So, question…." Lance hummed as Keith unbuttoned his jeans. Keith cheeks colored. Lance let go of his hair so he could pull his pants down. "D'you want me to… blow you or go straight to… eating you out?" 

The question made Lance blush too. He covered his face and laughed nervously. "Oh…. This is happening…." 

Keith pulled him up and knelt between his legs. He held Lance's hands in his own and kissed them both. "Only if you really want to. If you're okay with it. We don't have to-" 

"I want to. I really do. Do you?" 

Keith looked at him and gave him a timid smile. He nodded and slowly and let their noses bump together. "Yeah. I do." 

Lance pulled his hands away in favor of draping them over Keith's shoulders. "Okay… okay, let's… let's do the second one. If that's okay I mean, I just…. Yeah." Keith raised an eyebrow. "What?" 

"What's wrong?" 

Lance wanted to say nothing. But if he wasn't honest then, how could Keith trust him to be honest the further they got into it? He shrugged and blushed again. "I'm just… self conscious… that I might be gross or something, you know?" 

"Pretty boy," Keith chided lightly. 

"I know, I know, bodies are bodies and everyone's beautiful, but-" 

Keith shut him up with a kiss. Lance found that he really enjoyed when Keith did that. It made everything dissipate except for the thought of Keith's lips. 

He felt hands tugging his boxers and hands resting on his butt cheeks. Lance immediately made a sound of surprise which was muffled my Keith's mouth. Then Keith pulled back slightly to whisper against Lance's trembling lips. "I was gonna say that everyone is nervous about that. But you know how you said you wanted me to feel comfortable with you? Enough to not be scared of making noises and all that?" Lance nodded, already knowing where this was going. "Well, I want you to feel that comfort with me too. I don't think you're gross, and I don't think…." Keith's hand came around to his front, teasing the waistline of his boxers. "I don't think the ways I want to touch you are gross either."

"Okay," Lance whispered weakly. Keith chuckled and let his fingers ghost over the front of Lance's boxers. His breath caught as his eyes fluttered shut, and Keith started pressing gentle kisses to his face. 

Large hands settled on Lance's hips and nudged him gently to turn him over. Lance rolled to his stomach, his heart pounding hard he felt it through his entire body. He let out a low, shaky breath and shivered as Keith's hands slid to the elastic of his boxers. 

"If you get uncomfortable, I'll stop," Keith reminded him. Lance nodded. Keith pulled his boxers down and kissed the newly exposed skin softly. Once they dropped to his knees, Lance squirmed to help Keith get them completely off. 

Hands ran up and down his thighs, fingertips dug into his skin suddenly, feather light lips trailed over his overheated skin. Lance hid his face in his arms as Keith pulled his hips up slightly. 

He felt a hand move to his front to pump him gently, getting his length to harden. Lance clenched his fingers around the blankets and hummed softly. Then those lips which had been so gentle on him began to kiss along his balls so suddenly, Lance gasped and jerked his head up. Keith's free hand soothed up his back and trailed back to his thigh. 

His lips slowly traveled further up, and Lance was so focused on that predictable path that he forgot to be nervous. He just knew one of Keith's hands was making his nerve endings feel as fragile as dandelions in the wind and the other was caressing him and grabbing him in a way that made Lance feel like a piece of art, and if his hands could do that…. What would his tongue make him feel? 

The answer came almost immediately. Keith didn't go immediately into it. He teased Lance with the tip of his tongue, lightly dragging it around his hole before licking over it. Lance shivered and felt his toes curl and he pushed his face into the bed. 

Keith's tongue pressed flat against him before Lance felt his lips close around him. He let out a slight whimper that he knew he'd deny in the future. And then Lance didn't know what Keith began to do. He just knew it made him gasp and lift his head. The currents of heat shooting through his body and to his core felt white hot. The more Keith pressed into him, the more Lance couldn't help but begin panting and grasping at the sheets. 

He felt a gentle breach and bit his lip as he groaned. Everything felt oversensitive. And despite the vague feeling of embarrassment still making his face redden, the pleasure which made his entire body feel like he was on fire made it easy to overlook that. Then he heard Keith begin to moan as his mouth moved faster and his hands both wrapped around his thighs. 

Lance let out a garbled moan as he pushed back, his heart fluttering as he realized Keith enjoyed this. He enjoyed it as much as Lance enjoyed doing it to him. He wanted to touch himself so badly, but he knew he wouldn't last if he did. 

"Pass me the lube, pretty boy?" Keith asked. 

Lance dropped his arm haphazardly on the side table, fumbling and searching, knocking over whatever textbook and cup he had before he found the knob to the drawer. He opened it and shuffled inside blindly, tossing medicines and receipts everywhere until he felt the tapered off bottle. He grabbed it and once he made sure he grabbed the right thing, he passed it to Keith who could only chuckle. 

"Something tells me that embarrassment is gone, huh?"

Lance grumbled. "You make it easy to ignore." 

Keith draped over him and kissed his cheek. "I'll make it impossible for you to think of anything but me." Lance let out a breath and curled his fist around the covers tighter. Keith pressed kisses down his back as he uncapped the lube. A few moments later, Lance felt a slight touch on his entrance that made him hold his breath. "You ready?"

"Yeah. Yeah I'm good." 

Keith took a breath too and pressed a kiss to Lance's skin. "Okay," he whispered. 

A finger slowly nudged in, and Lance tried to keep his breaths under control. He'd tried to finger himself once before, but one finger just felt… well a little strange. Not painful, not amazing. But for some reason with Keith doing it, Lance wanted to melt into the mattress. 

Keith's hand gently nudged his legs further apart. "Just relax for me, baby," Keith whispered. Lance hummed and tried to do as he was asked to. He felt a second finger press in with the first slowly. Keith's tongue slid up his spine as his fingers pushed into him and pumped in and out rhythmically, turning and spreading. 

Lance breaths became shallow and uneven. His back arched into the bed as the heat of Keith's tongue left him trembling. 

"Still okay?" Keith whispered into his ear. 

"Uh-huh," Lance answered, tilting his head back to look at Keith. "It's just really hot all of a sudden." 

Keith chuckled and pushed his fingers in further. Lance gasped and felt Keith kiss his neck as his fingers moved more deftly the more he worked Lance open. 

"I could open your window?" 

Lance shook his head and fumbled to reach back and grab Keith's arm. "No, no, no, don't go." 

"Okay. Okay, pretty boy." Keith kissed his shoulder and shifted to start pressing another finger into him. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll stay right here. With you." 

Lance nodded and tilted his head for Keith to kiss his neck again. His mouth fell open as Keith pushed into him and searched for that spot that would reduce him to nothing but whimpers. 

"Oh God," he mumbled. He placed one of his hands on top of the one holding Keith up. "You-  _ oh! Oh-h, fuck."  _

"There?" Lance nodded vigorously and gasped for breath as he tried to push back onto Keith's fingers. "Easy, baby. I've got you." Keith's hand pressed on the back of his neck, pushing Lance's top half down onto the bed. He kept his hand on Lance's waist as he pressed into him again, making Lance jolt. "No pain?" 

"Uh-uh. Just- ah- please, please, please," Lance begged. Kissed the base of his spine. Then Lance felt the rougher shove of his fingers, not enough to hurt, but enough to take Lance by surprise. He shoved his face into the mattress and panted into it, struggling to keep his legs apart. More muffled versions of Keith's name slipped through his mouth until Keith pulled away completely. 

"Fuck.  _ Fuck,"  _ Keith growled, placing both hands on Lance's hips. Lance felt the press of denim against his ass and the very prominent bulge that pressed against the spot Keith's fingers had been. "You think you're good to… take me?" 

Lance lifted his head and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah I think so." 

Keith didn't have to be told twice before he was fumbling off the bed to get rid of his pants. Lance turned back over to look at Keith and hit his lip as he watched him pull on a condom. 

As he grabbed the lube, he knelt on the bed and gently caressed Lance's leg. "Pretty boy, I know you like looking at me when we do this, but since it's your first time this way…. It might be easier if you turn over. Just to start." 

"Oh, yeah. Okay." Lance turned over, suddenly nervous again. Keith spread a bit of lube along his entrance again, and Lance felt the tip of Keith's dick press against him. He tensed up immediately. 

He felt a soothing hand along his back. "Hey." Keith's voice was soft and gentle. All the heat and impatience from just a few moments ago were gone. "Are you still sure you wanna do this, Lance? We can stop and do it like we always do. Or we can stop completely." Keith pulled Lance's hand to his lips and kissed it. 

"No- I mean, yeah, I…. Shit. I'm sure I wanna do this. I don't wanna stop." Keith hummed, and Lance turned toward him. "I'm okay. I'm just nervous." 

"What can I do to help you be less nervous?" he asked as he kissed along Lance's arm. 

Lance smiled at him. "Just take it slow. So I can get used to it." 

Keith nodded and caressed his back as he sat back on his heels. "Of course." Lance felt a hesitant prodding and tried to relax. He knew Keith wouldn't hurt him. 

The stretch was slow. It didn't hurt, but it definitely wasn't the same as a few fingers. Lance's mouth fell open, as he felt Keith push into him slowly. His grip on his sheets tightened and a wave of almost unbearable hear came over him. He felt Keith press completely against him. His torso and chest against Lance's back as he embraced him. 

Keith's breaths were short and fast too. 

"Let me know when I can move," Keith whispered in a strained voice. He began to press kisses against the back of Lance's neck as Lance tried to get used to the feeling of Keith inside him. 

He clenched involuntarily and Keith moaned against his sweaty skin. Keith presses his forehead to the top of Lance spine, trying to get a hold of his breaths. 

After a few moments, Lance swallowed and nodded. "You can move now. S-slow." 

"I know, pretty boy." Keith kissed his cheek before he pulled out slowly. 

Lance gasped as Keith pushed back in. He felt Keith's lips against his neck and moaned at the feeling of his tongue pressing into his skin and the teeth grazing over sensitive spots. One of Keith's arms wrapped around him, his hand splayed over his chest and just barely grasping his shoulder. 

"Doing so good, Lance. So, so good." His teeth grazed over the shell of Lance ear, making Lance let out a shaky breath. 

Lance reached back to push his hand into Keith's hair as he clenched around him. "Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me," Lance practically begged. A hand at his chin turned his head as Keith met his lips without reserve. It wasn't soft and gentle, but needy and more intertwining gasps and teeth clashing than a kiss. 

Part of Lance wanted to ask Keith to go faster, to push in deeper and harder, but another part of him enjoyed the slow pace. The way Keith trembled around him out of pleasure and the way his mouth gave his body a rough treatment while everything else remained gentle and soft…. It made something glow warm and bright in Lance's chest. He moaned and let himself drop to the mattress with only his ass up because Keith kept holding him up. 

The next thrust with the new angle made Lance shout out a curse that fell into a series of pleasures gasps. 

"Did I hurt you?" Keith asked in alarm. 

Lance shook his head and tried to push back. "No, no, no, do it again," he pleaded. Keith rubbed a hand over his back and did as he was told. Lance jerked upward as Keith pushed himself in. "Oh my  _ God." _ The more Keith moved against him, the more Lance longed to look at him. He wanted to wrap his arms around him without twisting around. 

"What is it, baby?" Keith asked breathily in his ear, noting the way Lance became restless. He kept shifting and reaching for Keith then for the covers. "Hey, hey, what is it?"

Lance shook his head and tried to catch his breath. "I just wanna look at you. I wanna look at you."

"Oh, sweetheart." Lance's eyes widened as he choked back another gasp. "Okay. Okay, okay, okay." His words were punctuated by soft kisses to the side of Lance's face. Keith slid out of him and gently turned Lance onto his side. He placed kisses down his arm, then down his side as his hand ran down his leg. 

Lance let out a long breath as he shut his eyes and focused on those touches. 

Keith nudged him again so he was on his back. "Put your leg right here." He pulled one of Lance's legs up to drape over his shoulder. "Good?" Lance nodded. Keith slid his hand up his other leg to pull it up slightly by his knee. "Ready?" 

"Yeah." Keith pushed back into him and Lance shut his eyes as the friction of their bodies and the stretch as he brought Keith in led to a wonderful feeling. When he opened his eyes, he found Keith looking at him with rapt attention, the slow roll of his hips in rhythm with the steadying breaths he was taking. "Oh God, oh fuck, fuck, fuck." Lance wrapped his arms around Keith, digging his fingers into the muscles of his back. He felt every slow movement like a wave under his hands as Keith moved. 

Keith buried his face in Lance's neck, breathing heavily against him. "Lance…." The word was a strained whisper, and though nothing followed the name, Keith turned to kiss Lance in a way that made his already speeding heart beat faster. 

"Keith, please go faster, I'm-  _ ah fuck,"  _ Lance breathed.

Keith shook his head. "No, baby. I'm a-already so close. Won't last if I do."

"That's okay, it's okay," Lance insisted, grabbing Keith's face between his hands. Keith was sweaty, with strands of hair stuck to his face and other draping down around his face. His eyebrows were scrunched up and his lips were parted with panting breaths. Lance leaned up and bit Keith's lower lip, tugging as he let his head fall back. "Please. Please,  _ mi vida."  _

Keith furrowed his eyebrows further. "That one's new." Lance nodded, unable to speak as the next roll of Keith's hips made his body spark. "Fuck, okay, pretty boy. Alright." He leaned in to kiss him. "But I want you to finish too." Keith took his hand, pressed a kiss to the palm, then guided it down. Lance wrapped his fingers around himself and Keith gently guided his hand up and down. Lance let out a shaky breath. "Go ahead," Keith murmured. 

He let go, leaving Lance to touch himself. Then he started thrusting into him slowly, building speed as Lance did as well. Lance couldn't catch his breath. He couldn't think of anything but the white hot fire scorching through every inch of his skin, the weight of Keith's body on his, the occasional reprieve from the heat that his lips offered. 

Keith's name fell from his lips over and over as his body tightened. It was almost painful how close he was without relief. 

Through the haze of the pleasure and the beat of his own heart pounding in his ears, he heard Keith's voice. "Lance, baby, look at me." 

Lance bit down on his lip to ground himself as he focused on Keith hovering above him. His eyes looked almost black at the moment, and it was breathtaking. The hand keeping Lance's leg up fell away in favor of touching his face. Each thrust punched another breath out of Keith and another moan out of Lance. 

Lance shut his eyes as Keith leaned in to kiss him. He put his free hand through Keith's hair and gasped against his mouth as the force of Keith's hips pushed him further up the bed. 

Heat spread over his hand and splattered onto his stomach. His voice caught in his throat as he writhed against Keith. He grasped onto him with all the left over strength he had and bit down on Keith's shoulder, muffling the sound that came from his throat. 

Keith's hips stuttered to a stop as he pulled out and Lance continued to shudder as his orgasm coursed through him. The next thing he was aware of were Keith's arms around him, the soreness in his legs and his backside, the kisses pressed to his face. 

"You with me, pretty boy?" 

Lance grumbled and nodded slowly. "Holy shit." 

Keith laughed and kissed his neck. "I'll be right back okay? I'm gonna bring something to clean you up." Lance nodded and Keith got off the bed. He grabbed his briefs and pulled them on before going into Lance's bathroom. 

When he came back he had a towel that was half damp in his hands, and he ran it carefully over Lance's stomach and between his legs. 

Keith pulled his leg up slightly to trail kisses along the inside before leaning over to grab Lance's boxers and help him put them back on. 

"You want any sweats? A shirt or sweater?" 

Lance laughed and shook his head. "Just you. Come here." Keith smiled and laid down beside him, wrapping his arms around him tightly. Lance pulled up the covers and sighed as he settled against Keith. "We're definitely doing that again in the future." 

Keith laughed again and kissed his temple. "Whatever you say, sweetheart." 

Lance hummed at the new nickname. "I like when you call me that," he admitted. 

"Yeah? More than pretty boy?" 

Lance bit his lip and turned slowly to face Keith. "Ooh. Maybe a close second." Keith smiled one of those smiles that made his nose scrunch up and in turn made Lance's heart beat faster. "Was it… was it good for you?" 

"You're seriously asking me that?" Keith asked as he raised an eyebrow. "Lance, that was one of the best sex experiences of my life." 

"Oh? Well was  _ the  _ best?" 

Keith blushed and bit his lip. "Remember the night we found Roland?" Lance frowned. "We had sex and you insisted on me not holding back because-" 

"I wanted you to be comfortable," Lance remembered. 

Keith nodded. "You didn't know, but… I kept thinking about how sex had been for me in the past. All those times I told you about, and… h-how different you were…." Lance stared at Keith in surprise as his voice wavered. He shut his eyes and scoffed softly before opening them again. No tears. "Our first time, I was so sure you'd disappear. And even after that, I started to hope you wouldn't, but I was still…. Kind of scared I guess. That night, though… was the first night I was certain you'd stay. The first night I didn't feel so scared anymore." Keith shrugged. "So that night was the best experiences of my life." 

Lance pressed his forehead against Keith's. " _ Ay, mi príncipe." _ He kissed his forehead and hugged him tightly. 

"I'm okay," he whispered. "How do you feel? Does anything hurt?" Lance shook his head and scooted closer to him. "Go to sleep, pretty boy. I'll get the light." 

Lance hummed and groaned as Keith left the bed again. When he came back he had a pullover sweater and gently pulled Lance up to help him get it on. 

Before Lance could ask, Keith bumped their noses together and laid him back down. "I know you get cold at night, don't even start with me." Lance pouted which made Keith laugh. 

Keith pulled him into his arms again, and Lance shut his eyes. But he didn't fall asleep. He opened his eyes when Keith's breaths evened out. The moonlight streaming through his curtains cast a silver glow to his room. Maybe it was in his head, but the shine seemed brighter than usual. 

He looked at Keith's hand, interlocked with his own, and pressed kisses to each knuckle.

_ The moon shines for you and I shine because of you…. _

***

The next morning, Lance woke up to the feeling of fingers combing through his hair and light kisses on the side of his face. He grumbled and turned his head to face Keith. 

"You're a cute sleeper," he whispered. Lance chuckled and snuggled into him. "Drool and everything." 

"Wha- no!" Lance exclaimed as he wiped his cheek on his palm. Keith laughed at his expense. "Whatever," Lance said with a pout. "Come on. Let's eat breakfast and get started on studying." 

Lance got out of bed and tugged on a pair of sweats as he left the room. A few minutes later, Keith followed and watched him shuffle around the kitchen. "I'll make us a whole new batch of chocolate. We left this one out. My mami would wring me and leave me to dry outside if she knew." He shivered and shook his head. When he glanced up Keith was smiling at him over the counter. "What?" 

"Nothing. You're just adorable." 

Lance rolled his eyes and went to the fridge for milk. He felt Keith come up behind him, wrapping his arms around him and kissing his shoulder. "You know, I'm starting to think you just get turned on when I make hot chocolate." 

He felt Keith's laughter in a lazy breath against his neck. "No. You're just irresistible." Lance blushed and shut the fridge. "Hey…." Lance turned slightly to face him and smiled as Keith pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Do you think… maybe…?" 

Lance turned to face him and furrowed his eyebrows. "What is it, koala?"

Keith bit his lip and touched his face. "I was just wondering… if maybe I could… be your boyfriend?" 

Lance froze, his smile dropping as the words echoed in his head. And even then, all he could think to blurt out was, "What?" 


	19. Addiction

"What?" 

Keith shrugged and slid his hands down Lance's arms to get ahold of his hands. "I wanna make it official. If that's something you'd wanna do too…." 

Lance looked so surprised and confused. Granted, asking first thing after Lance woke up earlier than normal probably wasn't the best strategic choice. But seeing him shuffling around with his bedhead and after the night before and the way he looked everywhere they went…. Keith couldn't help it. It just seemed right. 

"Where is this coming from?" he asked with a nervous chuckle. "I mean, what happened to not caring about the technicalities and stuff?" 

"I know I said that, but…. I don't know. It's just, I look at you and I get so happy and I can't believe that… you know it's  _ me  _ who gets to kiss you and hold your hand and all that cheesy stuff I never thought I'd care about. I know we don't need labels, but… it would be nice to say I'm your boyfriend and you're mine. It could be more concrete to people and they'd know that, well… we're  _ together _ ." Keith bit his lip and blushed. "I know it's stupid, I mean-" 

"No, no, no I get it. I mean, I said I didn't need a label to know how much I like you, but I did feel more certain about myself when I found a label that felt comfortable." Lance touched his cheek. "You wanna make… what we have more tangible?" 

Keith nodded slowly. "If you'll have me. But if you wanna keep going without the label and the pressures, we can do that too. I just wanted you to know it was on the table." 

Lance's eyes teared up. It should've frightened him, but honestly, Keith liked how much Lance seemed to feel all the time. It was beautiful. His smile was wide as he kissed Keith and laughed softly. It made Keith's heart swell. 

He might have been afraid of the word boyfriend before, but Lance made that fear go away. 

Then Lance pulled away, his smile faltering. He swallowed and looked down. "Of course I want to be official. I'd love to call you my boyfriend." 

Keoth frowned as Lance's voice wavered. His body seemed to tense, closing off. "But…?" Keith prodded. 

"But… I need to tell you something first. And I don't know how to say it or how you'll react." 

Something dropped in Keith's stomach, making him feel suddenly nauseous. "Okay…. What is it?" 

Lance gulped and cleared his throat. "Um. Come on. We should sit." He took his hand, and Keith could feel how badly he was shaking.

Keith frowned and tensed, but followed him as they sat on the couch. Lance was scaring him, but he didn't want to say that out loud. Had Lance done something? Was he sick? 

"If I go in circles or… or get confusing it's… it's because I put off figuring out how to tell you this." Keith furrowed his eyebrows and steeled himself, though he had no idea for what. "Ever since you told me about the guy from your high school, I've been wanting to tell you about this." 

"Lance, wait." Keith tilted Lance's face toward him. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. Just because I told you-" 

"I do. I do have to. I don't want secrets between us anymore. I have to face this for me. I promised myself." Keith sighed and nodded. "You remember when you asked about my ex? And why I stopped writing?" Keith nodded. "I couldn't- I didn't want to tell you because they had the same answer." Lance took another deep breath and pulled away. "I had a girlfriend my freshman year at college. Her name was Allura. She was… incredible. She was one of the best people I knew and so kind. I used to tell her she was a real angel God let the earth borrow. And I was lucky to know her." 

Keith didn't expect that. He didn't expect her to be described positively. Any ex who hurt someone as much as Lance seemed to hurt couldn't have been a good person. 

"Our parents were friends, and when hers passed away, we stayed close. Summer after graduation we started dating and…." Lance sighed and rubbed his eyes. "But she was sick. She had been for a long time, but…. We thought we had more time, you know, it was supposed to be manageable and-" His hands were frantic, running through his hair, brushing away tears, covering his mouth. He was still shaking. 

"She died," Keith whispered. It wasn't a question at that point, but Lance nodded. 

"She had type 1 myotonic muscular dystrophy. She was weak and we had to be careful because she got hurt easily. It messed with her in a lot of ways. She couldn't always concentrate, she was tired a lot, she'd have spasms or her joints would lock. We knew it meant a shorter life span, but…. She wasn't supposed to die at nineteen!" 

Keith had no idea what that disease was. He vaguely remembered the phrase from a TV show, but it wasn't something he knew as a fatal disease. Not like cancer or Huntington's. 

"So how…?" Keith hesitated, not really sure what he was allowed to ask and what Lance was willing to say or what he even wanted answers to. 

"The disease messed with her lungs. She had a respiratory problem, and that was linked to a cardiac problem and-" Lance shook his head. "I was dazed most of the time, but… we were gonna go to the beach and she just… couldn't breathe. So we took her to the hospital and the doctor said she'd gotten an infection. Then, before they were gonna release her, something with her heart-" Lance sighed and out his hands to his forehead. "A- arrhythmia or a clot or no not a- I can't remember. I just remember being shoved out of the room and falling apart in the hallway." 

Keith bit his lip and wondered if he could reach out for Lance. If he could hold him or not. 

"Hospitals weren't new. We were there for… sprains and check ups a lot. But this time… felt different." Lance's tears came quicker, and this time it did make Keith panic. "I lost her. I wasn't even in the room with her, I went to get her food and I came back and her uncle, he-" He started gasping for breath, and Keith moved to wrap his arms around him. Then Lance cried out, "I lost my angel.  _ Mi morena _ ." 

Keith froze as he watched Lance break down. He didn't know what to do. Something ugly and heavy settled in his chest, something he tried to ignore. But the way Lance said that, the way he cried…. 

He wondered if Lance had ever moved on from this girl. 

"H-how long ago was this?" 

It took Lance a moment to catch his breath. "She passed away a little after we finished our freshman year. Maybe two or three weeks after…. So almost two years ago." Lance stared at the table with raw, red eyes. He was in some distant place Keith couldn't reach. "She made poetry so easy. I wrote her poems when I was falling for her. When we were together. When she got hospitalized. And when she died, I couldn't write about anything that wasn't her. I got so sick of it, so frustrated that I would cry every time I wrote a line, that I decided not to write anything if it was about her. I haven't been able to write anything since." 

The fact that this girl still had so much of Lance after two years made Keith feel unsettled. He felt horrible for it, because he knew death was hard, and he knew Lance had every right to mourn, but…. He couldn't help but ask himself what that meant for him and Lance. Did he truly know Lance after all? Was everything they had in her shadow? 

"Why didn't you want to tell me before?" Keith asked softly, keeping his expression under control. 

Lance's expression on the other hand showed all of his pain and frustration. He turned to Keith and took his hands. "You already thought I would disappear, I don't-I didn't want you to think- I… I don't know. I wanted to be sure you knew I was serious about you and that I wouldn't scare you off with everything. I felt guilty, I felt like…." He sighed and pressed his forehead to the back of Keith's hands. "I'm not over her death, Keith. It still hurts. I still dream about her. And I've hid it from you before because… I know it's more than you signed up for-" 

"You dream about her?" That ugly feeling stirred in him again as he thought of Lance dreaming about his girlfriend when Keith was holding him. Lance lifted his head and stared at him with shining blue eyes. He nodded slowly. It wasn't just her death. "You're not over her, are you?" 

Lance opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Keith felt something break in him, something fragile and confusing. 

"Keith, it's just… I liked her for so long and when we got together we fell in love and- and we had all these plans for marriage and a family and they just disappeared." 

"I get it," he whispered. He cleared his throat, careful about every movement and every word. He stood up and tried not to flinch when Lance stood up quickly to pull him back. "I just… I need a minute-" 

"Keith, no, please. I know- Look, it doesn't change everything I feel for you-" 

"Just give me a bit to wrap my head around this," Keith said, grabbing him by the arms to keep Lance at a distance. 

"Keith don't leave. Please don't go, I'm sorry-" 

The way he spoke through sobs broke Keith's heart. He shook head and cupped Lance's face. "Hey, don't be sorry. Don't be sorry, okay? I'm not leaving you. I promise." He kissed his cheek softly, suddenly feeling like a real kiss would be inappropriate. "I just need some time to process everything, okay, to think through it-" 

Lance shook his head and hugged him tightly. "No, no, no," he moaned. "Don't go, Keith."

Keith took a deep breath and hugged him back for a moment before pulling his arms away and peeling Lance's arms off of him. He knew Lance was about to panic, but he didn't want to say something stupid on an impulse. He needed to think and the last thing he wanted was to hurt Lance. 

"Sweetheart, look at me." Lance's teary eyes met his and managed to break Keith's heart further. "I'm not leaving you. I'll come back I promise, just please give me some time. Please." 

"Keith…." Lance looked like he wanted to say no, but he let go and stopped trying to pull him back. 

"I'll be back. Promise," Keith said softly. He grabbed his keys and left the apartment, but not before he heard another sob from Lance. 

He gripped his keys in his hand so tightly that the various jagged edges dug into his palm. He grit his teeth, carrying the weight of Lance cries and all the new information and his own disgust with himself at the bitter feelings he had. 

How could he be jealous of a dead girl? 

_ We fell in love.  _

Keith hurried to his car and turned on the engine. He sat with his head against the steering wheel as he tried to get a grip. Then he took a deep breath and started driving. 

His brain swirled with everything Lance told him. The sick girlfriend, the death, the history, the obvious way it still tore him apart. 

How had Keith not seen it sooner? How could Lance possibly be that good at keeping his pain to himself? Keith should've noticed something. Had he consoled Lance after dreaming of her? And what did it say for them and what they had? 

Keith didn't even realize how much Lance was still hurting. Lance was so good at hiding it. Didn't that say something about them? 

Why was Lance even with Keith if he still loved this girl? Keith wanted to be okay with it, he wanted to say it was fine if Lance still loved her, but if he was honest he didn't know how to say that and mean it. 

Keith had put down so many walls for Lance, and he never even thought about how many Lance might have. Even when he let Keith into his poetry, he hid parts of. He hid the parts with  _ her _ . 

It felt like he'd had something stolen from him. And it hurt. 

He pulled up to his driveway and parked. He sat there for a while. He wasn't sure for how long, just that it warranted Shiro coming out to knock at the window. But Keith couldn't move. He just stared at the wheel and the little Toyota logo, following the circle with his eyes. 

He heard a muffled call of his name, but still couldn't bring himself to respond. Shiro banged on the window and shouted for him, which made Keith jump and suddenly he couldn't breathe. 

"Keith, open the door!" Shiro said frantically. Keith fumbled for the lock and the door opened immediately as Shiro crouched down to look at him. "What's wrong? What happened?" 

Keith wanted to form words. He wanted to pull himself together and stop shaking and stop breathing so fast and he just wanted to sit in his room and figure out a way to be okay with everything. 

He was vaguely aware of Adam coming out too. "What's wrong with him?" 

"He won't tell me," Shiro snapped. "Keith, look at me." 

"I'm fine," he muttered. Shiro was about to respond with the obvious, but Keith shoved his hands away and turned the car off. "I'm fine!" He rushed past them, telling himself that he just had to make it to his room. 

He shut the door and ran his hands through his hair. He felt like he had no right to fall apart this much. He left Lance after a vulnerable confession and Lance was the one grieving. 

But his brain couldn't stop creating all kinds of convoluted ideas. He wondered how many photo booth pictures Lance took with her. How many prizes he won for her. If he drove her to eat at the same places. No matter how many times he told himself it didn't matter, his heart felt like it did. 

Keith thought this was a new thing for them both. Now he wondered if Lance saw this girl in him, if he was a sort of replacement, someone for Lance to settle for. Those same doubts from the beginning were swarming in his head, and he hated it. 

An anxious, insistent knock on his door made him tense. "Keith? Did he do something to you?" 

Keith growled and shut his eyes. "No! Just let me handle this!" 

"Keith-" 

"For fuck's sake, Shiro, for once just let me deal with something by myself!" 

The silence that followed made Keith feel even worse. Logically, he knew Shiro was just worried. He knew that Shiro had helped him through a lot before. He just didn't know how to even begin with everything running through his head at the moment. Shiro's adamant pushing wasn't helping him at that moment. 

Besides, Keith didn't need someone else telling him he was a bad person for feeling jealous of a fucking ghost. For feeling bitter towards something in Lance's past neither of them had control over. 

Memories of the night before bloomed behind his eyelids. The way Lance reached for him, the way Keith felt something entirely new by being with Lance in that way. He thought of the warmth that pulsed through him as he slowly fell asleep against Lance, so used to the feeling of someone in his arms now. 

He wondered if Lance dreamt about his  _ angel  _ last night. If his night with Lance had been taken by her. 

He pushed his palms against his eyes angrily, trying to keep the ridiculous tears burning his eyes from falling. He wouldn't cry.

Keith realized he had no idea what death could be like. He'd been left behind by different people, always by choice. Even as a last resort sort of choice, but… still a choice. He'd never experienced what it was like to be left by someone who didn't want to leave, who wasn't ready to leave. The only person he knew who he could feel that way about was his biological dad, but he never even knew him. He didn't feel the pain that came from his loss. 

But Karina had. 

He reached for his phone and dialed her number. The last time he saw her was for Thanksgiving. He'd called her twice in the last two weeks just to awkwardly say hi.

She picked up after a few rings. "Hey, Keith! How've you been?" Keith hesitated, not trusting his voice. "Keith? Is everything alright?" 

"C-can I come see you?" 

There was a brief pause. "Of course you can, kiddo." 

"I'll be there soon." He hung up and started for the door. He didn't see Shiro and while it made him feel unsettled, he was also thankful. He needed to fix one thing at a time. 

The drive to Karina's blurred by for him. He was busy replaying everything Lance told him. He wondered if Karina would be upset with him for reacting the way he did.

She was pacing outside on the porch when he pulled up. She frowned and hunched into herself as Keith got out of the car. 

"Keith? Are you okay?" she asked as she met him halfway. 

"I don't… I'm just really confused and I don't know what to do." 

Karina grabbed him by the shoulders. "Come inside, it's cold." Keith followed her and let her sit him on the couch. "What's going on? Did something happen with your parents? With Shiro?" 

"N-no. It's Lance…. He told me…." Keith paused and looked at his hands. "Just don't think I'm a bad person…." Karina's eyes widened as she looked at him. "He had a girlfriend. I thought she'd… cheated or something. He never talked about her. Never even said he dated someone else. Today… he told me that… that she died and he- he isn't over it. And I get that, I do, but the way he talks about her, I just don't know what to think or do and I feel horrible for feeling the way I do right now so I left and-" 

"Hey, hey, hey!" Karina interrupted, putting her hands on his shoulders to settle him. "Easy there, kiddo. I've had my share of bad people, and I promise you could never be one. Now why don't you tell me what's going through your head?" 

Keith took a breath and shut his eyes. He wanted to be honest. If he couldn't tell Lance, he needed to tell someone else. "I just feel… like this whole time he's been in love with someone else. I'm not saying I want him to love me, but… it feels like I've been sharing him without realizing it or…. If you saw the look in his eyes when he talked about her…. He was just gone. Somewhere else and I had no idea how to bring him back to me, but that's so selfish! At the same time though, how could he have hid this from me for as long as he did? It's like I don't even know him, I mean… it felt like two different people from one moment to the next and I thought…. I thought…. I don't know." 

"Did he say he still loved her?" 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and fought back the sting in his eyes again. "I asked if he was over her. And he said he'd planned a whole life with her. Marriage. Kids. All of it." He shrugged and felt the knot in his throat grow to the point of being painful. "The only reason he's with me is because she's dead…." 

"Keith…. You can't- you shouldn't think that way. All those maybes and what ifs will only drive you crazy. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not, but what does it matter? He's with you now and regardless of what might have happened if this girl did or didn't die, the fact is she did." 

"Do you still love my dad?" he asked softly, not wanting to look her in the eyes. But when the quiet stretched out, he let his eyes drift back to her. 

There was a melancholic look in her eyes. Not as sad as Lance's, but still in that distant place. "Yeah. I do. He was everything I needed. He helped me and he loved me and he gave me you. And every time I look at you I see a little more of him, and even though it hurts, I'm glad you have so much of him. He was a good person. And all these years later he holds my heart." 

All these years. Keith was 22 now. Karina mourned for that long? What did that mean for Lance?

Keith put his head in his hands and pulled at the roots of his hair to ground himself. "How so I make myself be okay with this? With knowing he'll always love someone else? I want to be okay with it for him, but I don't… I don't know how. I don't want to have a grudge with a dead girl I never even knew, but it hurts to think that… that everything I do will always be compared to her." 

Gentle hands pulled his hand away from hair slowly. "Who said you were being compared?" Keith remained silent. "No one said you had to be okay with this right away. That's probably why he hid it until now. Mourning someone is… a lot of baggage to carry. If you're panicking like this now, what do you think would've happened if he told you right away?" 

Keith knew. He knew he would've turned right around and found someone else to flirt with. Lance's calls would've gone ignored. Keith would've brushed him off more than he had at first. 

"I can't tell you the things you want to know, kiddo," she said softly. "That's something you have to talk to him about. Ask him, explain, hear him out too. He's the only one who can tell you why he told you now, how you can both work through it, what he wants to do next." She sighed and took Keith's hand in her own. "But you shouldn't feel like you don't know him. When someone you love dies, you do change as a person. I wasn't the same girl before your dad died and after. And I'm not the same person I was then now."

"It's not like he was just more mature or sadder or…. He was different in bigger ways. He would write poems for her. Read her books of poetry. He's never even picked up a pen to write a grocery list around me. He read me some of his poems once after an argument and even then, he hid the ones about her. But everyone who knows him- his friends, his sister- they say he's a writer. His poetry books are collecting dust on his bookshelf. It was… such a big part of him and I haven't seen it in action." Keith took a shaky breath. "He's an emotional person. He cries when he's happy, when he's upset, when he sees the St. Jude donation commercials, when he sees a romance film. I thought I could read him well at this point. Then he tells me that in the ten weeks I've known him, he's still been grieving her, loving her, dreaming about her, and…. How could I not have seen that?" 

"Maybe you did see that pain, and you just didn't know it was for her. Kiddo, I'm sure that not everyone knows the things you know about him. The things he cries about. The books on his shelf. And maybe there are things you know about him that his girlfriend never did." She nudged him so he could shift to face her. "It's not a competition though. And listen…. I haven't fallen for anyone since your dad passed away. But I know that if I ever did in the future…. They'd have to be a pretty amazing person." She smiled and touched his cheek lightly. "It's okay that you're freaking out right now. But now the next step is up to you. Are you willing to stay with him knowing he might always have a piece of him saved for her? It's okay if you don't know how to reach the point of being okay with it, but are you willing to try? Because it sounds to me like you wanna be okay with everything. It could help him to know that too. You're allowed to tell him you're confused and not okay right now, but also tell him if you're willing to work on it. With him or on your own."

"I do. I wanna be okay with it, I wanna tell him it's okay, but… I also have questions and I don't want to hurt him by asking them." 

Karina nodded in understanding. "I think he'd prefer answering your questions over watching you tear yourself apart without answers. Besides, if it's any consolation… I think it says a lot about him that he told you this at all. And that you didn't even hesitate to say your problem was not knowing how to be okay with it rather than being upset with him. He trusts you. You care about him. Don't let that go." 

Keith looked at the table and tried to believe that Lance trusted him. Even if he hadn't told him before, he did tell him now, and… like Karina said there was a reason for it. 

"I wanna understand him. But I'm so scared of what he'll tell me." 

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean… I want to know why he loved her so much. What he felt when he lost her. When he started seeing people again, why he bothered seeing me. But I'm scared to learn about her because then I'll see her in everything and I can't do anything about that." His voice shook, and he willed himself to pull it together. "A selfish part of me wants him to forget her, but I know that wouldn't be right. I know he can't. And I know I shouldn't ask that of him. But I'm so tired of shar-" Keith growled as he felt his voice break. He would not cry about this. 

"Sharing what?" 

Keith realized he had never told Karina about what his past relationships had been. How his high school boyfriend had been shared with a lanky new freshman. Or how Roland had been shared with the world because no one knew about them and it felt like he'd still liked his girlfriend the whole time. Or how most other fucks after that were guys drunk enough to cheat on their girlfriends with a guy. He thought he was done sharing when it came to Lance. 

He thought he finally had someone to himself for once. 

He shook his head, not wanting to think about all of that again. "Nothing. I'm just scared to know everything I want to know." 

"Kiddo, I'm gonna be honest with you. If he loved her as much as he said he did, I don't think he could ever let her go completely. There will always be a part of him that will miss her and love her because she was taken from him. I don't know him well, but from what you've told me with the sweet things he does and how he came out to his brothers over break, I know he cares about you too. And maybe he will love you one day, just as much as he would even if this girl hadn't been part of his life." She tousled his hair gently. "He's gotta have a lot of strength to be able to let someone new in the way he did with you. Don't overlook that." 

"Are you sure I'm not a bad person?" 

Karina laughed and put an arm around him. "I'm positive. You're just a 22 year old. You're figuring it out." She hugged him tightly. "Now go talk to him. He must be driving himself crazy right now." 

Keith sniffed and nodded before returning the hug. "Thanks, Mom." Karina's arms hugged him tighter for a second. "I should go. I'll… call to let you know what happens." He stood up and rubbed his face, trying to refocus. He needed to get back to Lance. 

Karina walked him out to his car and eyed him nervously. "You okay to drive, kiddo?" He nodded. "Do me a favor and text me when you get there? So I know you're okay." 

"I will," he promised. "Thanks again… for talking to me." 

"Anytime, Keith." She smiled as he turned the car on. Then she stepped back and let him reverse. 

Keith grit his teeth and gripped the wheel hard. He hoped Lance wouldn't be angry, but he also wouldn't blame him if he was. Once he reached the apartments, he sent Karina a text to let him know he was at Lance's, then another to Shiro to let him know where he was along with a promise of an apology. 

Then he got out of the car and started making his way up to Lance's apartment. 

When he reached the door, he knocked, but there was no answer. He tried the doorknob and realized it hadn't been locked. 

"Lance?" he murmured. He went inside but didn't see him. He shut the door and walked quietly to Lance's room. Everything looked untouched, but the closet door was open.

When he opened the door further, he saw Lance sitting on the ground, staring at a shoebox. 

"Lance?" 

Lance looked up at him, confused and surprised. "Keith," he breathed. "Keith, you came back." He scrambled to his feet and wrapped his arms around Keith, collapsing against him. 

"I told you I would," Keith said, holding him tightly.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-" 

"No," Keith said sternly, grabbing his face between his hands. "Don't. Don't say sorry. You have nothing to say sorry for." 

"I should've told you sooner, I should-" 

Keith shut him up with a kiss. It wasn't a soft kiss or a needy kiss. It was just a kiss that could be enough for Lance to know Keith wasn't angry with him. For Lance to know Keith still wanted to be with him.

Lance's face was wet with tears, and Keith hated that he'd made him cry this way. "I'm sorry I left. I know you needed me here-" 

Lance shook his head. "It was a lot I know." 

Keith shut his eyes and took a deep breath. "I want to be honest with you okay?" Lance stared at him with frightened eyes and nodded. Keith cupped his face, wanting to erase the fear and pain. "It hurts to know you love someone else while you're with me." Lance's face began to crumble, so Keith tried to speak quickly. "But I know death is hard and I know you might never be over it. I know she'll be part of you and I- I promise I'll learn to be okay with it." 

"Keith I-I…. Yes I love her. But I still like you so much more than you can even imagine. Okay, you gotta understand, I didn't think I'd meet anyone I would care about or want a relationship with after Allura. Then I meet you at a party I wasn't even going to be at, and…. Baby, you've made everything better. Things are colorful again, I'm… I'm me again, and I'm happy and it's because of  _ you _ ." Lance took his hands and kissed them. "You gave me a reason to hope,  _ mi vida,  _ and I would do anything to help you see that." 

"Don't cry anymore, sweetheart," Keith whispered. "I don't want to make you cry." 

Lance shook his head. "It's not…." 

Keith followed his gaze to the shoebox still on the floor. "What is it?" 

Lance sniffed and picked up the box. "I just… I thought I could start to let go. But I can't even open the box."

The shoebox looked dusty. The outline of fingers along the edges where Lance had grabbed it was the only sign that it had been disturbed. He wondered what might be in them. Part of him figured he didn't want to know. He knew it had to be memories of her. Pictures? Letters? Scraps of things he wouldn't understand because they were meant to mean something to Lance, not to him? 

No, Keith didn't want to see the memories. He didn't want to feel like an intruder. 

But Lance was holding onto him, his head rested against Keith's shoulder as he sniffed and shook. Keith took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around him tighter. 

Lance couldn't do it alone. And Keith couldn't handle these insecurities on his own either. 

"You don't have to let go, Lance." A heavy sigh fell from Lance's lips. Keith bit his lip. "You wanna show me what's in the shoebox?" 

"You don't have to do that-" 

"Lance," Keith said with a tired sigh. "I think… it could help both of us…. If it becomes too much, I'll tell you, but…." Keith looked at the box on the floor and the gray tinge it had. "This is part of you. I want to know, and… and you don't have to do it alone."

Lance hesitated and picked up the box. He stared at it for a while before shaking his head. "I'm not ready for this one right now…. But… but when I am… I do want you with me." Keith furrowed his eyebrows and nodded. Lance put the shoebox back up on the shelf of his closet. He turned back to Keith and shrugged. "So… where did you go while you were gone? To the graffiti?" 

"What? No. I went home. Then I called Karina." 

Lance frowned. "Your birth mom? For what?" 

"I went to talk to her. I… I wanted to understand your side and I thought she could help because she lost my dad and…. I just needed…." 

Lance raised his eyebrows and looked at Keith sadly. "Why didn't you just ask me?" 

Keith rubbed his face. "I didn't want to make you more upset. I… I feel like a bad person for feeling the way I do about it. It's selfish. I didn't want to tell you." He sighed and began to thread his fingers between Lance's. "I feel like… everything we do is like an echo of her with you now. I feel like I'll start comparing myself to her because I… I feel like she knew a different you. The real you." 

"The real…. What?" Lance pulled away from him and walked out of the closet back to his room. "What is that supposed to mean? You think I'm not real with you?" 

"I didn't say that," Keith answered, following him out. "I just mean that…. Your poetry-" 

"Again with the poetry?" Lance sighed and sat on his bed with his head in his hands. "I told you why I stopped. I'm sorry you didn't get to know that part of me, but I'm still me." 

"It's your major, Lance. Everyone says you've done it since you were little. Can you really tell me it's not a big deal that you gave it up? That's like… me giving up dance and saying I'd still be the same person." Keith sat beside Lance and watched as he deflated slightly. He reached over and turned his face so those pretty blue eyes were looking at him. "I know you. I know how much you can feel, I know that you know all the words to the Shrek movies, I know you eat in patterns, that you can't drive until everyone has their seatbelt on in the car, and that you sleep till noon whenever you can, and that you like to towel dry your hair. I know you love your family more than anything in the world, how loyal you are to Hunk and Pidge, how much you care about your sister and brothers." He smiled sadly. "I know the real you in that sense. But you hid… so much. Your writing, your grief, your fears. They're part of you too and… and I don't know what to think about the fact that I couldn't even tell there was more to know."

Lance stared back at him, his eyes watering. He wiped his eyes and sniffed, turning away from him. "She was so much of my writing. How was I supposed to explain that to you? And if I show you now…." He shook his head. "I've wanted to write something for you. I've had the words at my fingertips, but I… I feel like I'm spitting on her memory. Like I shouldn't write if it's not about her. And I don't want you to think… that if I did write you something that it means any less." 

Keith felt like he couldn't breathe all of a sudden. "You've wanted to write me a poem?" What had he done to inspire words in Lance? What words did Lance want to string together? What were the phrases building in him waiting to spill onto paper? What words made Lance think of him? "Really?" 

"Of course I have…. I like writing about important things. And feelings I wanna capture. And a lot of those happen with you." Lance leaned against him. "Keith, I'd do anything to show you that what I feel for you is real and strong. You're not an echo of anyone." 

"What was she like?" Keith whispered. He felt his heart hammer in his chest as he asked. He was terrified of what he'd hear. Afraid that they'd be similar, afraid they'd be to different, afraid to hear the love in Lance's voice. But he wanted to know. He needed to figure out a way to make sense of the way Lance could love her and still want to be with him.

"Keith…." 

"I wanna know. Tell me about… Allura." 

Lance looked at him uncertainly for a moment before he stood up. He went to his bookshelf and pulled out a journal. When he brought it back, Keith recognized it from the day Lance read some poems to him. Lance opened it to the very back. He pulled out a photo, and Keith felt his stomach twist. 

"I took this about a week before she got hospitalized." He held the photo out as Keith tried to keep his hand from shaking. 

He took the picture and looked down at it. He felt a strange relief when he saw that she wasn't Asian. It was ridiculous but… relieving. 

She had dark skin. Long, wavy hair fanned out against a blanket as the sun shone on her. High cheekbones and long limbs. Keith tried to picture her with Lance, but it felt strange.

"She's beautiful," he murmured.

Lance sat back down beside him. "She wanted to be a dancer. She'd been in ballet when she was little, but once her sickness got worse, she had to stop. It was too much and she risked getting hurt. So she took to reading. She liked history a lot." Keith scrunched his nose and Lance laughed. "I know, I'd say the same. She was so smart. And she was so sweet. She liked to sing Spanish ballads and she had a beautiful voice." Lance took Keith's free hand and held it tightly. "One thing she was similar to you about was her stubbornness. You're both stubborn as all hell." Keith bit his lip and tried to breathe steadily as Lance spoke. "She loved my writing. She was the most supportive person. She'd help me revise and edit and rewrite. She was my muse." 

Keith let out a slow breath. "I- I'm sorry you lost her…." 

Lance wiped his eyes and shook his head. "Keith…. Listen to me, okay?" He stood up and knelt in front of Keith, taking both hands in his own. "I like you so much. I fell in love with Allura, and yes, I planned a future with her, but that changed. Okay, and I thought I'd end up alone, I was sleeping around to tell myself I was moving on, to feel something other than pain and then- and then I met you. I don't know what it was, but just seeing the way you walked through the crowd and the way your eyes skirted over everyone… I could never forget the way you looked when I first saw you. No one had drawn me in that way since I lost Allura. And every day I'm with you, I wish for a thousand more. I might live with… with this hurt in me for the rest of my life, but having you with me makes it easier. It's easier to breathe, to laugh, to… to feel like I can be okay." Keith furrowed his eyebrows and bit the inside of his cheek hard. "I don't want you to feel like you're sharing me with anyone. Everything we've done and everything we've had has felt new to me. It's ours." 

Keith pressed his forehead to Lance's and shut his eyes. Hot tears streaked down his cheeks. "I just want you to be sure…. That you're okay being with me. You said you felt guilty-" 

"No, no, no, baby." Lance brushed his tears away with warm hands. "I thought if I moved on… if I let someone new in my life, that I would be… forgetting her or something. But I know that's not true. And I deserve to be happy again, and you make me happy." Lance kissed him softly and smiled at him. Even puffy eyed and red-faced and covered in streaks of tears and a runny nose, Keith thought he was the most beautiful person in the world. 

The way he felt things was beautiful. The way he spoke was beautiful, and maybe it was a hint of what he could write. The way he made Keith feel was beautiful. He thought Allura was lucky to have been the first to experience it. Keith hoped he would be the last. 

"I understand if you want to take back your question," Lance whispered. "If you wanna wait and… and see how we handle this for a bit before we make us official. Though I think you should know my answer won't change. I'm yours. And whenever you're ready, I'd love to call you mine too." 

Keith sniffed and stood up, pulling Lance up with him. "I don't regret asking. Not in the slightest." 

Lance smiled sadly and nodded. "But…." 

"But…." Keith sighed. "I do think we both need time to let all of today… sink in." He kissed him gently and smiled. "But I'm not going anywhere. Okay?" 

Lance sniffed and nodded. "Sounds like a plan to me." He hugged Keith tightly, hiding his face in his neck. "Now can we  _ please  _ have some hot chocolate as comfort food?" Keith laughed and nodded. Lance sighed, going nearly boneless against him. "Thank you. For understanding. For staying. For trying." 

Keith wiped his eyes and kissed Lance's temple. "Thanks for giving me a reason to," he whispered. "Come on." 

Lance nodded and pulled away to put the photo back in his journal and the journal back on his bookshelf. 

A much needed silence overcame them as they walked hand in hand to the kitchen. The sound of residual shaky breaths and sniffs along with the clatter of a pot and the swish of milk were the only things to disturb the quiet. 

They both sat down on the couch. Lance put Netflix on to give them something different to think about. But the look in his eyes told Keith he was still in that distant place. And Keith was in his own. He held his mug in one hand and held Lance's hand in the other. His thumb ran across his knuckles gently. 

"Lance?" He hummed and turned to Keith. "I think… maybe you should write again. Write about her." 

Lance's eyes widened. "Oh. I don't… I don't know. I feel like I'd write the same poem again and again." He shook his head. "I told myself I wouldn't if-" 

"If it was still about her. But you don't want to write about anything that isn't her either. Maybe it's going to be the same in writing. Maybe you'll never be able to not keep coming back to her somehow. And if it's for my sake…. Lance, I don't want you to give up such a big part of your identity just because you don't want to upset me." 

"It's not just you. Honestly… I'm scared. I'm scared it'll be about her. I'm scared it won't. I'm scared I suddenly can't write anymore because it's been so long-" 

Keith laughed. "That's not possible. I remember the poem's you showed me. And sometimes, the way you talk… the way you describe things…. That writer is still in you." He pulled Lance's hand to his lips. "I want to know that part of you. From what I hear, I know a lot of people would be happy to see it come back to life." 

Lance frowned and looked down. "I'll think about it." 

Keith nodded and kissed his forehead. "Well… just know that I wouldn't be upset. And I don't have to read anything you don't want me to see." Keith didn't say how it might make him a bit paranoid not knowing what all Lance would write if it was about her. But he didn't have to because he was trying to be okay with everything. 

When they were done with their hot chocolate, they laid down on the couch. Keith kept Lance in his arms and idly ran his hand through his hair. He hated knowing how much pain he'd felt before. He hated knowing how ignorant he'd been about it. 

There was a strange and primal urge to protect Lance from anything that might hurt him. But how could Keith protect him from memories? Especially when he wanted to encourage this writer part of Lance he didn't know. 

If he couldn't protect him, he wanted to at least… help him through it. 

"Lance?" he whispered. Lance hummed. "Can we…?" He sighed and shut his eyes. "No more secrets. Please. Not important ones. I feel like an idiot for not having noticed how much hurt you were hiding." 

Lance pulled himself up to look at him and Keith opened his eyes. "I'm sorry…." 

He shook his head and gently traced his finger over the bridge of his nose down to his lips. "No, I mean, I get it. I know why you…. I just want to know when you're not happy too." 

Lance scrunched his nose. It was kind of adorable and Keith felt his heart clench. "You do know everyone knows me for being happy all the time, right? Like, even at home, if I'm not telling jokes, my family immediately knows something's up." 

"But you're  _ not _ happy all the time." It occurred to Keith that he had never seen Lance upset of his own accord. The first time was because Keith started an argument about his poetry and once that was resolved, he was only frustrated momentarily when Keith told him about Roland. Lance really did seem like the kind who was never upset. Aside from his reactions to movies and things he read, Keith rarely saw him seriously upset. 

Wasn't Keith supposed to know him better than that?

"I try to be." Lance regarded him steadily. "I just feel like… well no one likes dealing with the bad stuff. I don't like people feeling like they have to help when I'm sad or angry or…. I don't know. Even when Allura died, I just got really distant until I could put up a face long enough for people to think I was okay again."

Keith frowned. He was starting to get frustrated. Didn't Lance understand what he meant? Didn't he get why it felt so wrong to Keith that he didn't know so much about him? 

He tried to keep his temper under control. He didn't want an argument just because he couldn't find the right words. 

He sighed and tried to figure out a way to explain. "Okay…. You know how… how you could tell something was up before I even told you? How you could tell people had been assholes to, that I had… a lot of issues basically?" 

Lance hummed and nodded slowly. "Because of how you acted. Or some of the things you'd say." 

"Okay, well…. I didn't pick up on anything from you. I figured you got heartbroken because Pidge mentioned you being more yourself or something. I thought you had an ex who hurt you and that's why you didn't wanna talk about it. And the fact that I couldn't pick up on what really happened, that I couldn't tell something was wrong…." He sighed, feeling the frustration rise again. 

"It's not because you don't know me," Lance whispered. "I have a big family,  _ príncipe.  _ I had to learn how to have a poker face. It was the only way to have privacy. If you didn't catch on it's because I didn't want you to." Keith wasn't sure what face he made in response, but he knew that it made Lance laugh softly. "Don't pout. It's just…." Lance sighed and shifted to sit up. Keith stayed still, watching him. "This is gonna sound dumb, but bear with me, okay? I don't like showing people when I'm upset because I feel like… like when I need someone to help or comfort me, it's a burden. Like me having problems is a problem for other people, and they only help because… I don't know, they feel obligated. I don't like that feeling, so I just prefer to keep it to myself and just… look on the brighter side of everything so I can just… keep everyone else happy…. I know,  _ I know  _ it's not sensible. But that's how it feels and I can't help that." 

Keith bit his lip and reached over to grab his hand. "I get that. But also…. I asked you to be my boyfriend. That's me signing up for helping when something's wrong. Not out of obligation." Keith pulled himself up and leaned into Lance. "But because I Iike you. A lot. And it's something I wanna do for you. I wanna be helpful and comforting for you like you are for me." 

Lance looked at him, eyes darting back and forth between Keith's eyes. "What if it makes you stop liking me?" he whispered

Keith smiled and shook his head slowly. "Not possible. I'm in way too deep to stop now." Lance chuckled, but his eyes looked pained and Keith noticed the way their color saturated as they filled with tears. "You don't have to change for me. I don't want to force you to do something you don't wanna do. But I want you to know that if you needed it…. I'm here. I want to be here for you." 

Lance shut his eyes and leaned into him, lips ghosting over Keith's. "You're everything I never knew I needed." 

Keith's heart clenched at that. He never thought he'd be someone that important to someone else. Each time he felt he might be, reality hit him like a train. But now, Lance constantly made Keith feel like someone important and good and needed. Even when he fucked up and felt like he still wasn't good at this, Lance made him feel like he could be someone half as important for him as Lance was for Keith. 

He closed the space between their lips and cupped Lance's face with both hands. Lance hummed softly before becoming compliant and melting into Keith. Keith pulled away only slightly to press chaste kisses to the side of his face and against his neck. Lance laughed at the feather light touches and squirmed in Keith's hold. 

"Who'd have thought Keith Kogane could be such a cheesy romantic?" Lance said softly, playfully. 

Keith stuck his tongue out at him. Lance laughed and laid down to rest his head on Keith's chest as Netflix played. 

He sighed heavily and ran his hand through Lance's hair. "I should get going. I have a test tomorrow and I haven't studied. Plus I need to talk to Shiro…." 

"Shiro? Is everything okay?" 

"No, yeah, everything's cool. I just might've… worried him when I went home. And I snapped at him when I really shouldn't have…. Also I should probably mention something about the dance competition this week." 

Lance pulled himself up and looked at Keith worriedly. "What is it?" 

"Um. My foster parents are going…. And so might Karina depending on her work schedule." 

Lance's eyebrows went up as he stared at Keith. "So I…. I'm meeting…  _ all  _ of your parents that night?" 

"You don't have to! I-" 

"Of course I have to, I'm not gonna avoid them, that's rude! But holy shit. Oh man." Lance buried his face in Keith's chest and groaned. "I'm nervous now," he said with a muffled voice. 

Keith chuckled and hugged him. "It'll be okay. They already like you. Because I never talk about who I'm seeing so they know you're a big deal. And Karina likes hearing me talk about you." Lance grumbled incoherently. "I'll be with you. And so will Adam and Shiro. Plus aren't Hunk and Pidge going too?" More grumbling as he nodded. "See? It won't be too bad."

"Alright, alright. I'll try to be calm. I need to work on some final portfolios too though, and you my lovely koala, are a distraction. So let me know when you get home and let me know what happens with Shiro, okay?" 

Keith nodded as Lance kissed him softly on the lips before clambering off of him. He walked him to the door and extended their goodbye a few more kisses before the door slowly closed. Keith sighed and went back to his car to go home, wondering how he could make it up to Shiro.

His stomach tightened when he pulled into his driveway behind Adam's car. He wished Adam wasn't there. He loved the guy but when it came to moments like these, he just wanted a bit of privacy. 

He walked into his house and saw Adam and Shiro on the couch watching something. Shiro looked over at him, but Adam looked at Shiro. 

"Hey," Shiro said. 

Keith offered a tight smile and nodded. "Hey." He glanced at Adam who seemed to get the hint. 

"I should get started on grading those papers at home," he said. He got up and kissed Shiro softly. "I'll see you later." He went to the door and gave Keith a one armed hug. "You okay?" Keith nodded and Adam just smiled and squeezed his shoulder. "Good. I'll see you later. Good luck on finals." 

"Thanks." Adam left, leaving a tense silence behind. Keith stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked over to the couch to sit next to Shiro. "So… hey." 

Shiro turned the TV down. "Everything okay with you and Lance?" Keith nodded. "That's good." 

"I'm sorry." 

"What?" 

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I shouldn't-" 

"Sorry, I didn't hear that." Shiro tilted his head toward him, and Keith realized what he was doing. 

He punched his arm and growled. "Asshole, I'm trying to apologize!" 

Shiro laughed. "I know, but it's a rare thing to hear from you. Can you blame me?" Keith rolled his eyes. "But seriously. Look, I know you're an adult and you can handle things on your own. Even when you first came to our house, you weren't a little kid. You were almost fifteen, and I know I still treated you like a kid." 

Keith chuckled. "I mean. I still had a hippo blanket." 

Shiro smiled. "I'm sorry too if I overreacted. It's just… the way you looked when you got here…. I panicked. I thought about Roland and I thought about-" 

Keith grimaced and shook his head. "No name. No name." 

Shiro nodded. "Well… No Name. I thought Lance had done something to you and I felt guilty because I let my guard down and I just… I got scared. But you were right. There's things you need to handle without me." 

"It's good to know you'll always have my back though." Keith sighed and crossed his arms. "I'm sorry I freaked you out." 

Shiro shrugged. "You wanna tell me what the hell was going on?" 

Keith took a breath and began to explain everything from the way he'd asked Lance to be official to all the revelations and how confusing it felt. He told him about seeking Karina out because of her experience, which Shiro hadn't known. Then he told him about going back to Lance and deciding to wait a little more. 

"It's still a little weird for me…. I can't help but be a little jealous. If he does write about her, I think it'll bug me a bit, but I also want him to because I know writing is important to him." He shrugged. "I just wanna see how it goes for us now. I want to be sure I can get over myself." 

Shiro hummed and looked at him with a steady gaze. "That. And you don't want this girl between you two at the start of your relationship." 

Keith sighed. "Is that selfish…?" 

Shiro shook his head. "I don't think so. Just be honest about it." He tilted his head and offered a smile. "Are you okay, by the way? It was a lot to be told. A lot to come to terms with within a day." 

Keith bit his lip. "I think so. Like I said, I'm still a bit uneasy, but I want to figure it out. I want to be with him. I just need to find a way to sort my emotions out." 

Shiro's eyebrows went up. "Wow. You've come a long way, Hippo." Keith snorted and shook his head. "You did a good job figuring this one out on your own." 

"Thanks…." Keith smiled shyly, starting to feel that awkward cheesiness of moments that were too personal. "Anyway, what are you watching?" 

Shiro rolled his eyes, but he allowed the subject to drop. 

Keith didn't watch TV for long. He had exams to study for, and he had to be up early for another rehearsal the next day. 

The rest of the week was tiring and long. Keith saw Lance after rehearsals so they could eat together, either on campus or away or with Hunk and Pidge. But then they'd split so they could focus on their studying. Lance needed to seclude himself to focus on his portfolios and projects, and Keith just couldn't fully focus without getting distracted if he was with Lance. 

By the end of the week, Keith was ready to drop. Except he couldn't because he had a performance the next day.

Lance decided to sit in on their last rehearsal. They'd agreed that by the end of it, Keith would go to his place to help him pack so he could go home that weekend for break. Keith hated the idea of being away from him for so long, and since he hadn't spent the night that whole week, he'd hoped to get his fill of cuddly Lance in that night.

As the team was cooling down, Keith plopped down beside Lance and leaned his head against him. "I'm tired," he groaned. 

"Nervous?" 

Keith bit his lip. "A little. At least James caught on quickly. I want it over with. My dreams are riddled with rehearsals and competitions gone wrong." Lance laughed and wrapped an arm around him. "Excited to go home?" 

"Yeah, but also sad to be away from you for so long. Also very nervous for tomorrow to meet, y'know, your whole family…. Just lots of emotions right now." 

Keith hummed and interlocked their hands. "They'll like you. They already do. I mean you're the only one I haven't kept a secret or lied about, so…." Lance raised an eyebrow and gave him a sideways glance. "I'm just trying to reassure you." 

Lance shook his head and chuckled. Alexa and the others started to leave, tossing a goodbye in their direction. "How come Colleen doesn't stay at your rehearsals?" 

"She did, but she has her exams at this hour. She stays in the morning though. She will also be there tomorrow, so another person who is on your side." Lance rolled his eyes as Keith stretched forward to touch his feet before sitting back up with a sigh. "Ready to go?" 

Lance nodded. They picked up some food before heading to the apartment where Lance immediately began to work on a suitcase. Keith sat at the desk with their food as Lance moved back and forth between him and the closet. 

Keith couldn't help but let his eyes drift to the top shelf where the box was. Unopened. 

"Keith!" 

"Yeah?"

Lance frowned and followed his previous gaze. His expression fell and he dropped another shirt into his suitcase. He walked over to Keith who tried to play innocent. "I was asking about your Christmas plans…. Where's your head at?" 

"Nowhere. Just here." 

Lance pursed his lips and tilted Keith's face toward him. "You want me to open the shoebox, don't you?" 

"No! No, not if you're not ready. It's fine." Lance sighed and looked at him tiredly. Keith shut his eyes. "I guess… I just wanna know what's in it that you're so scared to open it. That's all." 

"Then ask me that," Lance said softly. "They're just photos and little snippets of memories I kept. Her favorite scarf, a note she left me in one of my books, pressed flowers she used to keep. Stuff like that." 

"Ah." Keith stifled the jealousy trying to bubble up again. He thought of the tickets and photos he saved as memories of his times with Lance. "So why are you scared to open it?" Feelings. Feelings would resurface. Suddenly Keith didn't want him to open it either. 

"I don't know. I don't want to feel sad about her death again. Not that intensely. Literally opening a box of memories would be… painful." Lance took Keith's hands in his own. "You okay?" Keith nodded. "You don't have to be. That's the point of us waiting a bit more to be official, right? To see how we handle this?" 

"I know. I know, but that shoebox and your journals are gonna be part of this. I have to be okay with knowing and seeing some things and not knowing or seeing others. I just need a little minute to talk myself down, you know?" 

"Talk yourself down…?" 

Keith took a breath and explained. "My first reaction… is a shitty one. It's… jealousy and frustration and…. So I have to think through it, you know? Until I rationalize through it and… remember stuff you said and what I promised." 

Lance ran his hands through Keith's hair and hugged him. Keith leaned into his torso, his hands wrapped around his waist. 

"Thank you for trying so hard for me,  _ mi vida.  _ You don't know what it means to me." He kissed the top of Keith's head before pulling back. "If you have questions, you can ask, you know? I know you might not always like the answer, but… you don't have to just accept things because it's about her." 

Keith nodded, tilting his face up toward him and puckering his lips for a kiss. Lance smiled and obliged, kissing him gently. 

"Do you need any help with packing?" 

"No, I'm almost done. I'm sorry, baby, I know you're tired and you've got a big day tomorrow. I'll clear the bed so you can sleep, alright?" 

Lance kissed his forehead before pulling away. As soon as he moved the suitcase and pulled back the covers, he ushered Keith to change into a pair of PJs and get in bed. He laid down, watching Lance move back and forth before sitting on the floor to fold his clothes properly into his suitcase. He zipped his suitcase, dumped the trash from their food into a bin, then got into bed beside Keith. 

Keith put his arm around him and smiled at the way Lance returned the embrace. It was warm and comfortable, like they were meant to fit together. 

An unnecessary thought tried to creep its way into his head, but he forced it away. He was in this moment. In this space, in Lance's arms, fitting perfectly with him. And nothing else mattered except that and getting a decent sleep. 

***

Surprisingly, Keith woke up to Lance pressing kisses to the side of his face. He wasn't sure what time it was, but the fact that Lance was awake before him had to say something. 

Then he felt a hand sliding down his chest. 

He groaned and slowly opened his eyes. "What are you doing, pretty boy?" 

"Giving you a great start to a big day." Lance clambered over him. "Morning, sleepyhead." 

"Time is it?" Keith mumbled, feeling his heart speed up as Lance shuffled under the covers. 

"Almost one. You've got plenty of time." 

Keith scoffed, surprised that he slept in so much. Lance pressed his mouth to a steadily increasing length through the fabric of sweats Keith was wearing, and Keith bit his lip to hold back a surprised gasp. 

His breaths came faster and he couldn't help but squirm as Lance moved to pull away his clothes. A hot tongue pressed against him, a hand wrapped around him. Keith shivered and let out a soft moan. 

Then a distant knock made them both freeze. Lance scrambled up from between the covers. 

"Expecting someone?" Keith asked. 

"No. Pidge and Hunk text bef- fuck. It can't be Vero already." Another distant knock, this time more insistent and shortly followed by a notification sound from Lance phone. "Shit." 

Keith laughed and nudged him off. "It's okay. I'll be out in a second just let me wash my face." Lance nodded and kissed him quickly before hurrying off the bed and grabbing his phone. 

Keith got up and went to the bathroom to cool off. He heard the door open and a shout of surprise. Various voices drifted through the wall, and Keith figured Hunk and Pidge came with Veronica. 

He left the bathroom once he was a little more presentable and headed toward the living room. 

Then unfamiliar voices registered in his head and he froze. But he was already too far down the hallway, and several pairs of blue eyes had already seen him. Two older versions of Lance with slightly different details stared back at him as Veronica waved happily and Lance gave him an apologetic look. 

"Uh…. Hi?" 

Loud Spanish filled his ears as the two guys hurried toward him. "He's even more attractive in person, dude. Nice job!" the one with longer, shaggier hair than Lance said. He had the same wide smile and the same dimple, only this one had stubble. 

"It's great to meet you, man! We've heard a lot about you," the other said. He had darker hair, slightly shorter the the first's, and a slimmer build than both Lance and the other one. His smile was basically identical to the others. 

"Uh… you must be… Lance's brothers." 

They both nodded, staring at him with cocky little smirks and excited sparkling eyes. 

Lance walked toward him and shook his head. "I'm so sorry, Keith, I had no idea they were coming too." He glared at his siblings. "You could've told me so I could give him a warning!" 

"And miss the look of sheer embarrassment on your face right now?" the second one said. "Nah." He turned to Keith and arched an eyebrow. "D'you spend the night?" 

Keith felt his cheeks heat up, but Lance punched his brother's shoulder. "Luis,  _ porfavor!"  _

Keith cleared his throat. "If you're Luis, then you must be Marco," he said looking at both brothers. 

"Yep! Easier way to remember is that I'm the one with kids, as you can tell by the bags under my eyes." 

Keith chuckled and nodded. "Excited for today, Keith?" Veronica asked as she made herself at home on the couch. 

"A little nervous. You're all going?" 

"Duh! We gotta support our baby brother's man, you know?" 

"Luis," Lance groaned into his hands. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Keith." 

Keith had to laugh at Lance's embarrassment. It helped to know he wasn't the only one trying not to panic in that moment. "It's alright," he whispered. 

"Lance,  _ manito,  _ you should know you're not on our nice list right now. You were gonna have Vero meet him again while we remained oblivious?" Luis said, plopping onto the long couch. "Fucked up, man." 

"Yeah, well, I wanted to ease him into my big, overbearing family okay?" Lance sighed and stood beside Keith. "You alright?" 

"Yeah, why?" 

"You haven't… moved." 

"Oh!" Keith hurried to sit on the couch, but Lance's siblings still burst into laughter. 

"We don't bite," Marco said with a wide grin. It was almost chilling how similar the guys all looked. 

"So… where are the kids. Um… Sylvio and Nadia, right?" 

Marco nodded, suddenly brightening. "Yeah those are my little monsters. They're with their mom. I didn't even tell them I was coming, they would've begged to come, but we haven't explained… uh, well  _ you _ to them yet. And they might not keep quiet with our Ma." 

Keith nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense." Keith cleared his throat, trying not to squirm under the curious eyes on him. Years of instinct kicked in, and Keith lifted his chin, kept his expression blank except for a slight smile, and kept his movements measured. 

Inside he was a tidal wave of panic and unease, but he made sure to look calm and in control on the outside. Meanwhile, Lance was very tense and uncomfortable. He was tense, his knee bobbed up and down obnoxiously, and his eyes kept flitting around. 

"Ignoring the awkward air you guys are creating," Veronica said as she splayed across the arms of the couch, "how were finals?" 

"Mine were alright. I don't know if I got A's on them all, but I know I passed them," Keith said. "The classes were fun, but the essay questions on the finals were nuts." 

"What's your major?" Marco asked. 

"Psychology. And a philosophy minor but I finished those classes." 

"Damn,  _ flaco.  _ You got yourself a hella smart one," Luis said. Lance blushed and fidgeted. "What about you? How'd the portfolio for your writing class go?" 

Keith struggled to keep his confusion from showing. A heavy weight settled in his chest. 

"It was fine. I used some crap from high school for the assignments so they obviously needed editing, but I didn't have to write anything new." He shrugged and Keith glanced at him, wondering why the hell Lance hadn't told him about that either. They'd agreed; no more secrets. 

"Still not writing?" Veronica asked, her tone soft. 

Lance rolled his eyes. "Can we not do this again? Especially now?" 

The McClain siblings shared and look before dropping the topic. At least now Keith knew. He knew why and he knew the backstory. Now he didn't feel stupid.

"Anyway, are you guys hungry? I could see if Hunk is up for making a pre-show lunch?" 

"Hell yeah, I love his cooking," Marco said. "It could rival Mami's." 

"I'll tell her you said so," Luis said. Marco flicked him. 

"Cool, lemme call him." Lance got up and started back for his room. 

Keith followed with his eyes before Veronica nudged his foot. He looked at her and she gestured toward Lance. "You should calm him down. He looks like he's about to have a panic attack." 

Keith didn't say anything before he got up and went to Lance's room. 

He was on the bed, leg still bobbing up and down and his hand in his hair as he scrolled through his phone. "Hey." Lance looked up and let out a breath when he saw Keith. "You alright?" 

"Yeah. Just… don't want them to scare you off." 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. "I told you. I'm in too deep to go anywhere." He walked toward him and sat down beside him. "I should be the one freaking out." 

"You are," Lance pointed out. "You got all 'stoic-faced, mysterious bad boy' with them. You do that when you're nervous and don't want anyone to know." Keith chuckled and felt some his unease melt at the way Lance knew him so well. "You're upset about the writing class. I saw your look." 

"I didn't have a look." 

Lance looked at him, unimpressed. "You give me a side glance and flare your nostrils when something I do or say bugs you." 

"You're too observant." 

Lance smiled. "I was a writer. Old habits die hard." Keith took his hand. "I didn't tell you about the class because I didn't want anyone getting excited about it. I'm a writing major, I have to take these classes. But like I said, it's all old work that I half-assed and I don't plan on anything new anytime soon."

"Okay," Keith murmured. "I believe you. You gotta relax, pretty boy. I can handle your siblings. Call Hunk and Pidge. You always get a little calmer with them around." 

Lance nodded and dialed Hunk. Keith sat beside him and held his hand tightly. As Lance spoke, Keith busied himself with counting the freckles on his hand. 

"They're all here, man. By surprise. Yep. Would you be up for cooking a meal at my place before the dance competition? Yeah of course we'd help…." Keith snorted and Lance elbowed him. "Oh. Um. He knows it's at my place right? So… I'll be here. Uh, okay lemme ask. No it's cool hold up." Lance tilted his phone away. "Hey so…. Hunk is asking if it's cool for Roland to come." Keith raised an eyebrow. "I know. He says he's been really lonely and he doesn't wanna just leave him alone. Roland says he'd be up for it if you are." 

Keith took a deep breath and sighed. "Sure. It's already ridiculously awkward. Why not?" Roland had been staying with Hunk for a while now, and Keith wondered if he'd gotten a chance to see his mom and brother at all. He didn't blame him for being willing to come over if everyone else had cut him off. 

Lance chuckled nervously then put the phone back to his ear. "Yeah, it's cool. Okay I'll see you soon. Drag Pidge over here too. Bye!" Lance hung up and gave Keith a wide smile. "Awkward group lunch is a go. What a perfect way to relax before a major performance, koala." 

Keith shrugged. "There are worse things." 

Within the next hour, Lance's apartment was full of people. While it wasn't a ridiculous amount, the small space made it feel crowded. It reminded Keith of the parties he would rope Shiro into throwing. 

Roland came in with a sheepish expression behind Hunk and mumbled a thanks for letting him come over. Lance was kind as ever, assuring him it wasn't a big deal and to make himself at home. It was a bit comedic seeing his reaction to the McClain siblings gathering around them to greet Hunk and Pidge. 

The smell of food quickly filled the space as Hunk took over the kitchen. Roland stayed near him to help whenever he needed it and to stay away from any awkward situations. 

Meanwhile, nervousness began to eat at Keith. He'd slept so much of the day away and he began to get anxious over time. Would he be able to eat before he had to meet his team? Were they ready for competition? It wasn't the major competition, more of a showcase for the public. The public would decide who won, not actual judges, so it wasn't really a huge deal. At the same time, though, Keith really wanted to win. It didn't help that so many people were going to see him. He was used to Shiro. Sometimes Adam tagged along when he had time. 

It made him slightly dizzy to think that everyone here,  _ and _ Shiro and Adam,  _ and  _ his foster parents  _ and  _ his birth mom would be there today. Somewhere between Lance becoming the victim of Marco's tough love headlocks, he slipped away toward the guest bathroom and tried to calm down. 

It was all muscle memory and focus. Everything would be fine. He had several hours before the performance, and half of the people going had already seen him in a dancing environment. This was something he was good at, something he was proud of. 

There was a knock at the door and he called out, "Just a sec!" He sighed and shook himself out, composing himself before he had to go continue making an impression on his sort-of-not-quite-yet-boyfriend's brothers. 

When he opened the door, he was surprised to come face to face with familiar hooded eyes. Roland took a step back. "Sorry. Just wanted to see if you were alright. You looked kind of… off." 

"I'm fine." 

Roland nodded. "Right. Um. Are you ready for the show tonight?" 

"Ready as I can be," he said with a shrug. "James caught on quick after you helped him through some of it. He just has an attitude problem." 

Roland smiled and arched an eyebrow. "You're one to talk." Keith crossed his arms, but Roland lifted his hands in surrender. "I'm just saying! You know I'm right." 

"Whatever. So… how do you like staying with Hunk? Have you gotten a chance to see Benny?" 

Roland's smile faltered. "Yeah. I went a couple times while my dad was at work. Didn't really know how to explain why I was gone, you know? My mom doesn't say much. Just asks if I'm okay and lets me hang out with him for a while." He shrugged. "Hunk's cool. He tries to include me in a bunch of stuff so I can be distracted. Cooking or movie nights he has with Pidge and… well today. He always bakes cookies when I get back from seeing Benny." Roland smiled again. "Kind of ironic that your boyfriend's best friend is the one helping me out." 

Keith didn't bother correcting him that time. He liked how it sounded. It made his heart stutter, and they were halfway there already. "Don't make it weird," he said with a light hearted roll of his eyes.

Before Roland could answer, movement from the corner of his eyes drew both their attention. Lance was at the end of the hallway, smiling as he walked toward them. "Hey. Everything okay?" 

Roland tensed almost immediately, but he nodded. "Yeah, I was just about to get back to Hunk. Lunch is just about ready." He gave Keith one more small smile before walking away quickly. 

Lance let him pass then walked the rest of the way to be in front of Keith. His dimple didn't show despite his supposed smile. "What?" Keith asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"Nothing…. Just wondering what he was doing over here." 

Keith snorted. "Just checking on me. I was getting anxious and I needed a moment." Lance frowned, and Keith immediately reached over to smooth out the furrow between his eyebrows. "You jealous or something?" 

"Of course not!" he answered indignantly. "Just… making sure he's behaving himself…." Keith scoffed and shook his head. "Anyway, why anxious? Is it my siblings? I know we can be a lot when we're together-" 

Keith reached over to put his hands on either side of Lance's face, squishing his cheeks together. "You guys are fine." Keith smiled as he recalled the way Lance still seemed flustered with having Keith and his brothers and sister in the same space. "I like seeing you guys interact. It's kind of cool seeing the relationship you guys have. And you are adorable." Lance grumbled. "I'm just nervous about tonight." 

Lance pulled his hands away from his face and leaned into Keith's ear. "We could say we're getting something from the store and I could try and help it go away? My plan to help your nervousness was interrupted before…."

Keith gulped and chuckled softly. He put a hand against his chest to push him back. "As tempting as that is," he said in a low breath. "The idea of sneaking off and coming back to your siblings makes me a little uneasy. Plus it'd be rude to leave so many people at your place." Lance huffed, making Keith chuckle. 

"Well, come eat a little. My brothers' antics might help you take your mind off things."

Sure enough, throughout their meal, Marco and Luis managed to distract Keith. The only thing was, they switched his nervousness from the dance competition to making his first impression. He'd been taken by surprise enough at first that it hadn't fully registered he was actually meeting them. 

Now, as Lance sat beside him in the living room, he was well aware of the two pairs of blue eyes scanning him and scrutinizing him, occasionally sharing glances. Roland was quiet and stayed nearer to Hunk and Pidge if Hunk was gone. Hunk and Pidge and Veronica had no problem going off on their own conversations. 

"Is he always this quiet?" Marco finally asked Lance.

Keith felt his cheeks burn, but felt the need to speak for himself. "Around new people, yeah…. Sorry about that." 

"The staring doesn't help," Lance said with a slight edge.

"Sorry! Sorry. It's just…. It's different actually seeing…." Luis trailed off and blushed as well. "Okay, well what are your plans after the competition?" 

He shrugged. "I don't really have any. You guys leave afterwards, right? My parents might go to dinner, but that's an awkward situation I still don't… know about." Keith trailed off not wanting to explain too much. 

"We don't have to leave right away. Honestly the later it is, the less traffic we'll probably hit," Veronica said. "If you want us to stick around." 

Keith smiled and nodded. "Of course." Honestly, he was hoping to find a way to make a better impression on Lance's brothers. He knew his awkward quietness was often misconstrued and standoffish. The only reason they didn't think he was an asshole was probably because of Lance. 

An alarm went off, making Keith jump. That meant he had to get ready and go within the next hour. 

"I have to get going. Most of my stuff is at Shiro's, and we're meeting with Colleen at the main building," Keith said softly to Lance.

"I'll walk you out." 

Keith smiled and stood up to turn to the others. "Thanks for the food Hunk, it was amazing. I'll see you all at the show. We can figure out what to do afterward," he offered. 

"Sounds like a plan," Veronica said. 

"Break a leg, man," Roland said with a smile. Keith smiled back a little awkwardly, but still with sincerity. Echoes of the phrase followed as everyone wished him luck. 

Lance took his hand and walked him out, past the front door, past the main lobby, all the way to his car. "We can do this whole Meet-The-Siblings thing again another time," Lance offered. "For now, focus on the performance, okay? You're gonna do amazing." 

"Thanks, pretty boy," Keith said with a smile. Lance blushed slightly. "Could I get a good luck kiss?" 

Lance rolled his eyes, but smiled as he pulled Keith toward him. His hands rested on Keith's hips and he stepped closer with that heart-melting smirk just before he pressed his lips against Keith's, managing to take his breath away. He didn't know how Lance managed so much through a kiss. 

It was a gentle kiss, with strong hands tugging him impossibly closer. Keith had his hands on either side of Lance's face, thumbs running back and forth along his cheeks. Lance's mouth moved gently, soothing Keith's anxious energy and grounding him in a reality of just Lance. 

Lance pulled away and brushed his nose against Keith's. "I'll see you there, okay? You'll be great." Keith nodded and pressed one more kiss against his lips before pulling away to get into the car. 

He could see Lance in the rearview, waiting for Keith to be out of sight before going back.

Time managed to simultaneously drag out and race forward. While Keith was anxious to hurry and get to where he needed to be, the time it took him to get home and get ready, go to campus, and make it to the downtown outdoor theater felt like it passed in a flash. 

Keith's team was performing in the second half of the night, after intermission. Keith felt himself tense further and further as he watched the groups of people come and go, curious to what was happening, and leaving when it was too crowded or they'd lingered too long. After the first few performances, Keith couldn't help but acknowledge that the skills did provide good competition. 

"Nervous?" Keith's gaze flickered from his view of the stage on the wings of the stage toward the person talking to him. James. "Me too." 

"You'll do great you picked up on it fast." 

"Well, I had a good, no-bullshit teacher." Keith snorted and rolled his eyes. "So who's here to see you?" 

"Um. My parents. My brother and his boyfriend. My…" Dammit. Keith was really tired of not knowing what to call Lance. "We're not dating, but he's-" 

"Ah, a boy toy?"

"No!" Keith snapped, turning to glare at James. "He's not a boy toy. We just haven't made it official. He's here with his siblings and some friends." James hummed. "Who's here for you?" 

"I didn't invite anyone. I get too nervous." Keith nodded and turned back to the current performance. This one was one of the weaker ones. One dancer kept lagging behind and the movements didn't seem to match with the rhythm of the music. "Intermission is after this. Two more groups, then us." 

"Thanks. I want everyone gathered as soon as intermission is over. I want us on deck to be on deck." James nodded and turned away. 

"You seem to have warmed up to him," another voice said. Keith turned and saw Alexa sipping a large drink as she stood beside him. He eyed the drink, but didn't say anything. 

"Once the back talk stopped, he became tolerable." Keith grimaced. "I've never felt this nervous before." 

"Don't fucking drop me." Keith rolled his eyes at her. "Come on, intermission is gonna start. Maybe you could get a little pep talk from your not-boy-toy." 

"Jesus, how long were you standing behind me?" 

Alexa just laughed and gestured him to follow. "Come on, I saw Lance and some guy who looked like him walking around with popcorn." Keith followed her as the last group received their applause and left the stage. 

The crowd dispersed to get food, walk around, meet up with those who had already performed. Keith walked with Alexa until he noticed the McClain siblings with Hunk and Pidge and Roland. 

"Jesus, you can tell they're related," Alexa muttered. Keith snorted. 

"Keith!" Lance broke away from the group to meet Keith halfway and hug him tightly. "Hey, Alexa. When do you guys perform?" 

"We're the third group the next half," Alexa said. She nodded toward the others. "What's with the clones, Danny Phantom?" 

"Okay, one-love the reference. Two- these are my siblings. Marco, Veronica, and Luis. Guys, this is Alexa. She's Keith's dance partner. And over here, this is Hunk and Pidge." 

"Oh wait, you're the girl who did the shot challenge that one-" 

"Don't remind me," Pidge said with a groan. "I think I nearly died that night." Keith frowned before recalling the time Lance mentioned Pidge getting sick.

"Nice to meet you. I'd been wondering who that was," Alexa said. She sounded kind of impressed. "You doing alright, Roland?" 

He nodded, but didn't say anything more. Lance looked at him then looked at Keith. "Hunk and Pidge are gonna split from us to watch so they can stay with Roland." Before Keith could ask why, Lance continued. "He doesn't want Shiro to see him." 

Keith grimaced and nodded. Beside him, Alexa let out a low whistle. "The tension never seems to lessen when I'm around you guys." 

"Why do you always have to point it out?" Lance groaned. 

She shrugged. "I'd rather not beat around the bush." Keith sighed and shook his head. "I'm gonna get started on stretching." She punched Keith's shoulder playfully. "See you in a few." 

Keith turned back to Lance. "Have you heard from Shiro? I can't have my phone on me, so I don't know where they are right now. Or if my parents made it. I'm really nervous, and I don't like that." 

"Okay, okay. Easy. Come here." He pulled Keith away from hearing range of the others. "Look, most of us have already seen you perform. And you're amazing. You're so good, and it's something you love to do. Just think about that when you're up there. You told me dancing saved you. Gave you something to turn to, something that was yours. Show us that. Show  _ me _ . I won't take my eyes off you." Lance kissed him chastely and smiled. He hugged him tightly and discreetly moved his lips next to Keith's ear. "And trust me, I'm gonna find a way to get you alone at some point tonight and show all of my awe and appreciation." 

Keith gasped and buried his face in Lance's shoulder. "Your siblings are  _ right there, _ " he chided. 

Lance only laughed and kissed his cheek. His hands ran through Keith's hair soothingly. "Okay, ignore the last comment. But I mean everything else." 

Keith hummed. "I didn't say I wanted to ignore it." Lance smirked and raised an eyebrow. "I should get going. I'll introduce you properly to my parents once the performances are over." 

Lance bit his lip and took a deep breath. "Cool. Okay, get up there and kick ass,  _ príncipe."  _

Keith smiled before turning away to head backstage. His group was there already, stretching and joking with each other. About ten minutes later, the performances started again. Keith took deep breaths to calm himself down. Once his group had to be on deck, he pushed past own anxiety to try and help the others with their own nervous jitters. 

He reminded them to focus and have fun, that they'd practiced and rehearsed for a long time, and this was their chance to showcase it. 

When his group got called on stage, there was the usual polite applause before a performance. Keith heard a couple whoops, and he was positive two of them were Lance and Shiro somewhere out in the crowd. 

Keith took a deep breath. He was good at this. He loved dancing. He just had to let the rhythm wash over him and everything else would fade away like it always did. 

The music began. The energy of the music tensing, the audience waiting to see what the group would do, the dancers preparing for their movement, all of it fed Keith until it burst at the drop of the beat. Suddenly, there was movement all over the stage, synchronized so naturally it felt like breathing. 

He could hear the occasional gasp that flickered through the audience at a particular move or for a certain dancer. He heard them singing along. When he managed to look out, he saw some people swaying to the beat or singing along. 

The music washed over him, taking the anxieties away. Even when he caught Karina watching from one spot with a candy apple in her hand or his parents and Shiro and Adam in another spot, it didn't faze him as much as he thought it would. 

His body moved by habit, the movements automatic in the memory of his muscles. The cheers and whoops made him feel almost powerful. 

By the time the two songs they'd mixed together were over, Keith was breathing heavily and energized and sweaty. The cheers were more authentic this time, and the whoops were even louder. The first pair stayed on stage as the other hurried off. A quick on stage change brought on another cheer as the dancers revealed their second dance costume underneath. 

Alexa stood beside him and bumped him with her hip. "Ready?" she whispered. He nodded. The others were scrambling to change into their respective costumes in the small closed off section backstage. It was the one downside of an outdoor theater and stage. Although it did allow for a way bigger audience. 

By the time Keith and Alexa got back to the stage, the second couple was bowing and heading off stage right as James and Erika were going up. 

Keith held his breath. James was still new, and to Keith, it was clear in the hesitance of some of his movements. The audience, however, didn't seem to notice. Once they were done, more applause and cheers rose from the crowd. They exited, and Keith walked to the center with Alexa. She squeezed his hand and they both took a deep breath before bowing their heads. 

The music was slow, but it still had adrenaline pumping through him. Keith could hear the reaction of some who liked the song. His hands were steady and confident as he moved with Alexa. At some point as Keith had Alexa in front of him, he looked out at the crowd and spotted Lance and his siblings closer to the front. 

God, Keith loved the way Lance looked at him when he danced. The awe in those gorgeous eyes made him feel special like no one had ever made him feel. Lance's whole body was slightly pitched forward and he was grasping Veronica's hand in his own. He was smiling, looking so proud and so amazed, Keith couldn't believe it was for him. 

When he lifted Alexa up over him, he heard a gasp from white a few people. He noticed the way they winced, expecting her to fall. But it had gotten easier and easier to lift Alexa, and he knew he wouldn't drop her. When he saw Lance, he wasn't wincing. He wasn't tense. He just looked certain, mystified as a smile tugged at his lips. Knowing how confident Lance was Keith's abilities boosted his own confidence.

He imagined Lance in Alexa's place, and suddenly the dance meant more. Suddenly, his movements weren't just fluid by memory, but by emotion. He shut his eyes and realized he was being more expressive than usual. 

When Alexa slid down his body, he heard a few immature whoops from guys in the audience while also hearing some coos from girls. Then Lance's favorite part. The part that always made Lance go crazy. 

Alexa ran toward him, shoving him back. Keith took his measured stumbles before pulling her back in and reversing every move. As people caught on, he heard the gasps and whispered comments that fluttered in the wind. 

It was like everyone was holding their breath. Up until Alexa and Keith ended up in the original positions, adding a moment to collapse on the floor and curl into an embrace. 

The cheers were revitalizing. But nothing could drown out the very clear cheers and whoops that came directly from Lance. No shame, no hesitance, no restraint- just unabashed hollering from him, cheering Keith on. 

Keith and Alexa got up and, dizzy with relief, Keith pulled her into a hug. She smiled and high fives him before they bowed and hurried off stage for the next couple. 

"We fucking did that shit!" Alexa said with a relieved laugh. "We did good." Keith chuckled and nodded as they rejoined the others who had already performed to watch the rest. 

It was out of pure politeness and the fact that colleen would wring their necks if they left that they stayed for the last performance. Everyone was tired, hungry, and cold. 

They waited to change and, after signing a sheet that would help Colleen know who left and who she still had to keep track of, they immediately dispersed into the crowd. 

Shiro found him first since he already knew where to wait for him. Adam was next to him, smiling. On the other side of Shiro, were their parents. They looked… proud. His mom looked close to tears, giddy with energy. Keith had never seen such a big smile on his dad's face since Shiro's college graduation. 

"Amazing as always," Shiro said, quick and to the point because he knew Keith got uncomfortable with anything mushier. 

His parents on the other hand…. 

"Keith, honey, you were- oh my goodness you were wonderful! I'd never seen you like that, it was a whole new side, and it was incredible! Honey, you did so great!" His mom gestured with her hands, obviously trying to reign herself in. 

"You should be proud of yourself, son," his dad said, putting a hand on his wife's shoulder. "We know we are. We'd heard of your performances, but getting a chance to see it…." His smile softened. "Thank you for inviting us." 

Keith blushed at the praise. "Thank you guys for coming." He hesitantly stepped toward them and gave them both a nervous hug. His dad seemed just as nervous. His mom simply hugged him tighter. As he stepped back he noticed an uncertain movement in the corner of his eye. He turned and saw Karina waving awkwardly. "Hi, Karina " he greeted, just as nervously. 

She smiled and stepped forward, keeping her distance. "Hey, kiddo. You were amazing up there." 

Keith rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Thank you. I'm really happy you made it. Um, you know my parents and Shiro. This is his boyfriend Adam." 

Karina nodded and awkwardly shakes their hands. "Yes, hello." His foster parents hesitated, but remained polite, and their smiles seemed sincere enough. "I think someone wants you, by the way, kiddo," she said, gesturing behind him. 

Keith turned to see Lance shuffling nervously between his siblings, hands stuffed in his jacket pockets, and his face surprisingly red for such dark skin. He felt nervous butterflies burst in his own stomach as he smiled back.

He walked over to him and held his hand out. "You okay?" he whispered. 

"Totally," Lance answered, sounding very much not okay. He put his hand in Keith's, and Keith tried to ignore the giggling and smirking from his siblings. 

He turned back to his parents only to find the same knowing smirks on their faces. Keith felt himself turn red, and he squeezed Lance's hand for assurance. 

"Um, Lance this is my foster mom and my foster dad. This is Karina, my birth mom. Guys, this is Lance." 

"H-hi. It's plice- I mean nice- it's a pleasure to meet you… all." Behind them, Keith could hear Lance's brothers stifling laughter. "Please,  _ please  _ ignore my brothers." 

Keith laughed nervously beside him and looked at his parents. They looked amused. Curious. Maybe even fascinated. 

"I've heard a lot about you, Lance. It's plice to meet you too," Karina said with a wink as she shook his hand. 

Lance half-laughed, half-groaned. 

"Keith talked about you enough that I feel like we already know you," Keith's foster mom said. 

"Oh my God," Keith muttered under his breath. "Um… so… are you and your siblings leaving or…?" 

"We can stay for a while longer. It's not a long drive at all, especially if Marco drives." Lance smiled. "You were breathtaking by the way." Keith felt himself get impossibly redder. He could barely breathe. "Hunk and Pidge are near the funnel cakes, if you want one." His eyes flickered over to a funnel cake stand. 

Keith was about to say he didn't want any, but he looked over and saw Roland next to Hunk, looking over nervously. "Oh. Okay. You'll be okay?" 

Lance looked at the three parents as well as Shiro and Adam who were smiling at him in a way that gave Keith first and second hand embarrassment. "Yeah. Go ahead." 

Keith hesitated, but he walked over to Hunk and Pidge anyway. They congratulated him on a great performance and Pidge made a comment about how proud her mom was of him too. Roland was off to the side, clearly staying out of Shiro's line of sight. 

"You were great. As always," he said with a smile. Keith gave him an awkward smile, unable to keep the memories from resurfacing in his head. The playful, secret kisses as Roland showered him in compliments when they first got together, the way Roland always said Keith had been born to be a dancer and followed with, "and I was born to watch you dance." 

Roland wasn't obnoxious about his feelings. Keith really couldn't tell if Roland was still into him or not. He'd been good about keeping his distance and being respectful, especially to Lance. 

"The new guy picked up on it fast," Roland continued. 

"Yeah, he's gotten better. The team does miss you though. You coming back by chance?" 

Roland sighed and shrugged. "I dunno about that. Stuff is still kind of scrambled…. But you should enjoy tonight. I guess those are your parents over there? All over Lance?" Keith looked over his shoulder and winced when he saw the way the three of them surrounded Lance as he laughed nervously and started talking with his hands. "Meeting the parents. That's huge." 

"Yeah. That's them…. We were gonna get food, I think, if you wanna come?" 

Roland snorted. "I don't think that's a good idea." He gestured over. "I'm not dumb enough to get within 10 feet of Shiro." Keith grimaced and nodded in understanding. "It's okay…. You're lucky they care about you so much, you know?" 

Keith looked back again. His foster mom was holding Lance's face in her hands and shaking him. As much as it made Keith want to die of embarrassment, he couldn't help but also feel a little guilty. Here was Keith with his three, accepting, loving parents, fascinated and overjoyed at Keith introducing someone to them. Meanwhile Roland could only go home for a few hours on the days his dad worked as he lived with someone he hardly knew except as his sort-of-ex's sort-of-boyfriend's best friend. It didn't seem fair, and suddenly Keith wanted Roland not to have to see any of it. 

"I'm sorry," he finally said, though he wasn't sure why. 

Roland didn't look surprised though. Just exasperated. "I said you were lucky. That's not something to be sorry about." Keith shrugged, and Roland rolled his eyes and laughed. "Go save him. He looks afraid. Have a great dinner. You guys did great today, I have no doubt the school placed in the top three." 

Keith wasn't sure if he was going to go in for a hug or not, but then Roland just smiled and walked over to Hunk. He whispered something to him, and though Hunk looked worried, he nodded and made a promise of some baked thing Keith hadn't heard of. Roland said bye to Pidge and then started to head out, staring at his phone. 

Hunk and Pidge joined him when he got back to his family, so he introduced them too. Lance visibly relaxed a little once his friends got there, but he still immediately reached for Keith's hand when he was close enough. 

"He's very attractive," Karina whispered when Lance pulled away to greet his friends and bring his siblings into the group. 

"And such a sweetheart," his foster mom added as she stood on his other side. 

"Man, most people only deal with one mom trying to embarrass them and now I have two." He turned to them, smiling at their expressions of pure joy. "But really. Go easy on him. He's really nervous." 

"We'll be plice, don't worry," Karina said. His mom burst into giggles beside her. Keith rolled his eyes, but he had to admit he liked seeing his moms get along. Of course it was going to be over a boy Keith was seeing. 

"So, everyone here going for dinner?" Keith's dad asked. 

"If it's not a bother. We'll pay for ourselves," Veronica said, pointing to herself and her brothers. 

"I'll cover me and Pidge," Hunk said. 

"Of course it's no bother," his mom insisted. "We'd love to get to know you all. Especially you!" She squeezed Lance's face between her hands and smiled before ushering them all to get moving. 

Keith had to groan and blush, but Lance seemed flustered enough for them both. As they walked, Lance's brothers got on either side of Lance, obnoxiously close to the point of Keith having to stumble away. "How come Keith gets to be embarrassed and you don't?" Luis asked. 

"Yeah, isn't it only fair to your man here that we keep the level of embarrassment even?" 

"Don't. Even. Think about it," Lance said, glaring at them each in turn. Marco and Luis gave him wide, cheeky smiles and said nothing else before shoving Lance towards Keith. "I'm ready to crawl under a rock and die," he muttered. 

Keith chuckled and took his hand. "Yeah. Me too." 

"You can go with Keith, manito. Get a break from these assholes," Veronica said. "Just let me know where we're going." 

"Well Shiro usually takes me to Carino's after a performance. I think that's where we're going. Just follow Adam's car." Keith chuckled as he watched everyone walking to the parking lot, talking together. "Gotta say, this is a sight I never thought I'd see." 

"What? Your family and mine blending to make a giant arsenal of unadulterated embarrassment?" 

Keith laughed and shook his head. "No, I meant. Well, it's hard to explain. I never thought I'd see Karina getting along with my parents. And it trips up to see Shiro talking with Hunk and Pidge, but still with your siblings. And just how interested they all seem to be in both of us. I was so used to just Shiro and Adam and…. It's different now." 

Lance pulled Keith's hand up to his lips to kiss it. He waited until they were in the car to say anything else. 

"My siblings know you're important to me. They know what a big deal it is that I feel the way I do about you. And you know why now." Keith bit his lip and nodded. It was a little strange having Lance bring her up. "They already like you. They just wanna give me a hard time. As for your parents-" 

"They love you," Keith interrupted. "You're the first person I ever told them about or introduced them to. To them, that makes you a favorite. Maybe even more than Adam." 

Lance laughed and covered his face with his hands, though he still had Keith's in one of his own. "Wow. That explains the cheek pinching." 

Keith laughed and nudged his nose against Lance's. "I've told you so many times, and I'll say it again. You're a big deal for me too." 

Lance made a happy little hum. Then he leaned in to kiss him. Keith cupped his face, losing himself in the taste of Lance's lips. It was unfair how easy it was for Lance to make everything melt away with a simple kiss.

"I didn't get a chance to tell you," Lance whispered as he pressed soft kisses to the side of his face and along his neck, "because we had an audience… but you should know I go fucking crazy every time I see you dance. You were incredible and beautiful and amazing and I couldn't breathe or think or look away. You enraptured my entire being." 

Keith blushed at his words and the warmth they gave him. He felt short of breath, flustered by the praise and the feeling of Lance's lips against his neck. "I saw you looking at me," he stuttered. "I half-expected you to jump me backstage." 

Lance pulled back and frowned. "If I knew it was an option I would've." Keith laughed and kissed him on the lips again. 

A harsh knock at the window made them jump. They looked out the window to see Pidge with one hand at her hip and the other on the car. She had a mischievous little smirk that made Keith nervous. He rolled the window down, filling the car with wintery air. 

"Lance, you should know Luis seems to be permanently scarred seeing you two suck face." Keith looked at Lance who visibly paled. "So I'm here doing what he was supposed to. Keith, your parents said they're gonna head to some buffet so everyone can eat enough. They said to just follow them because they can't remember the name." 

Keith smiled and said nodded. "Got it. Thanks." 

She smirked. "Don't distract your driver, Lance." 

Lance mimicked her in a high pitched voice, which made her laugh as she walked away. 

"Alright, let's see how dinner goes," Keith said, putting the car in reverse. 

\--

Surprisingly, dinner wasn’t unbearable. It felt like an interview in a way. Keith’s parents asked Lance all the usual questions. Where he was from, what his major was, what he liked to do for fun, etc. Keith could tell it made Lance a little antsy since he wasn’t writing anymore, but he managed to stay calm, and his siblings only exchanged looks. Hunk and Pidge helped talk him up, which made Lance blush sometimes, but otherwise there were no embarrassing stories to taint his image in front of anyone. 

Meanwhile, on Keith’s side, Shiro and Adam mostly kept quiet, the former basking in the amusement of watching Keith have the spotlight for once. Lance’s brothers were easy to get along with. Luis’ demeanor had changed slightly, and Keith wasn’t sure what to make of it. He wondered if it had really been from seeing Lance kiss him in the car. Luis wasn’t rude or anything… he just wasn’t as playful as he had been before. They were both loud like Lance when he was comfortable. He wondered if it was just because they were together, because Veronica was louder than usual too, but Lance seemed quieter. 

It was kind of fascinating to see them interact because their relationships were so different from his and Shiro’s. While Marco was the oldest, he was also the most playful and the one who laughed the most and who made the most double-entendre jokes under his breath. Veronica was clearly the one who kept them in line, like the alpha of the group, but since she was also the one most comfortable with the situation, she was still the one teasing Lance the most. Luis seemed to be the most observant as well as the one most attached to Lance. If Lance moved, Luis’ eyes followed, like a protector or something. It was a strange change from the playful, almost child-like manner he’d had earlier that day. 

Plates piled up as everyone finished and went for seconds and thirds and dessert. Lance left to join Hunk and Pidge on raiding said dessert table, and Karina took the spot Lance had just been sitting in. She had a teasing little smile on her face that made Keith blush without her saying anything. 

“He’s a sweetheart,” she said. “You know, he reminds me a bit of your dad.” 

Keith raised an eyebrow. “How?” 

She smiled wider, her eyes distant in the same way Lance’s got if he talked about Allura. “He was always so considerate and thoughtful. He was like a river- steady, strong, gentle. Just what I needed. The way he looks at you reminds me of the way your father would look at me.” She put her chin in her hand. “He makes you really happy.” 

Keith chuckled and blushed, running a finger over his fork. “Yeah. Of course he does.” He furrowed his eyebrows. “I guess that’s a good way to describe him.” Except Keith had seen the other side of Lance. The unsteady parts of him that needed reassurance, the weaker parts of him that needed to be held together, the fire that could flare when he was pushed to his limits. Keith felt special knowing he was one of the few who might have seen those sides of Lance. 

“It’s nice seeing you smile so much, kiddo,” she said softly. 

Before Keith could answer, Lance came back with his plate piled high with brownies, cookies, jello, a side bowl of ice cream topped with gummy bears, and chocolate dipped strawberries. He just sat on the other side of Keith, assuring Karina that she didn’t need to get up.

Keith snorted at the piled up food, and Lance frowned. “Well, it’s not all mine. The jello is yours.” 

“I’m touched,” Keith said sarcastically, taking a spoon to eat the jello. 

Once everyone had devoured their dessert, the table stayed to keep talking. His moms were talking about who knew what, but they kept glancing over at Lance. His dad talked to Shiro and Adam, occasionally bringing Lance into the conversation. Lance didn’t seem so nervous when that happened because he was already used to Shiro and Adam. Lance’s siblings were such good conversationalists that they were able to talk to everyone at least once about some thing or other. Keith watched and talked when spoken to, but mostly listened in. 

Then Veronica got out of her seat and whispered to Lance. Lance frowned and asked something in Spanish, but Veronica shrugged and responded with something else in Spanish. Lance turned to Keith and sighed. “Vero says we gotta get going so my mom isn’t waiting up for us. They’re gonna drive me home to get my stuff.” 

“Aren’t you excited to see your parents?” 

Lance smiled. “Very, very excited. It’s just… it’s gonna be such a long time away from you.” 

“I could visit? Tell your parents I’m just a friend?” 

Lance shook his head. “I can’t do that to them. I can’t lie and disrespect Mami’s biggest rule.” Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “No romantic interests in the house unless you plan on getting married.” Keith went red, and Lance laughed. “Yeah, it’s weird, but it’s important. I just wouldn’t be okay lying to her and lying about who you are to me. But maybe I could visit you? Maybe after Christmas and before New Year’s?” 

“Whenever you want,” Keith said with a nod. “Can I walk you out? I feel like a fish in a bowl right now.” They both looked over to find parents and siblings all quickly looking away and resuming in too-loud conversations. 

Lance laughed and nodded. “Yes, please.” 

Keith excused himself, and Lance got up to say bye to everyone. He gave Shiro and Adam hugs, his dad a handshake, and his moms hugs and kisses on the cheek. Then he took Keith’s hand and walked out with his siblings once they’d said bye as well. 

In the parking lot, Lance’s siblings walked ahead and Lance walked slowly with Keith. 

The words Keith wanted to say made his mouth tickle and his heart pound. But he knew Lance liked when Keith was vocally affectionate, and despite how vulnerable and shy it made him feel, Keith spoke anyway. “I’m gonna miss you. A lot.” 

Lance looked at him with sad, pretty blue eyes. “I’m gonna miss you too,” he whispered. He caressed Keith’s cheek lightly before leaning in to kiss him softly. "I'll call every night." 

Keith nodded. Lance's eyes were already full of tears, so Keith brought him into a hug and held him tightly. Lance's face was buried in the crook of his shoulder as his hands grasped at Keith's jacket. 

"Hey, why are you crying, silly?" 

Lance shook his head. "Just be careful okay?" 

"I will be." This was strange. Lance hadn't been this upset when they parted for their Thanksgiving breaks. "Are you okay?" 

Lance sighed. "It's fine…." 

"Lance…." Keith tilted Lance's face toward him. "No more secrets, remember?" 

Lance shut his eyes and leaned forward to lean his forehead against Keith's. "I've always had this weird fear when I leave someone. When I leave home, I say goodbye like five times before I actually go and I still leave feeling like…. I don't know. I'm scared something horrible will happen while I'm gone and…. And usually I can ignore it or push it away. But now that you know about Allura, it's just… more prominent in my head and my heart and I just…. I know it's unreasonable, but I'm terrified something will happen to you and I can't lose you, I can't go through that again, I-" 

"Whoa, hey, hey, hey!" Keith grabbed Lance's face between his hands and kissed him. His words became more frantic as he spoke and his tears kept sliding over his cheekbones and around the shape of Keith's fingers. "Sweetheart look at me." Lance opened his eyes. "Nothing is gonna happen to me. I'll be careful. I'll probably stay home most of break or hang out with Shiro. I'll message you and call you every night." Lance nodded, but his face was still contorted in worry. "It'll be okay." Keith kissed him and wiped his tears away. "Go have fun, pretty boy. Have a great holiday with your parents and your siblings and your niece and nephew. I'll be back in your arms before you know it." 

Lance chuckled slightly at that and nodded again. "I'm sorry. I know it's stupid, and I'm crying like an idiot-" 

"It's not stupid. Lance, you've lost someone before, I understand that you're afraid. And it's okay to cry." He brushed away another tear as it dropped from the corner of his eye. "It tells me you have a big heart. And I think that's beautiful." 

Lance smiled and wiped his eyes. "You're a sap," he teased. But it made Keith smile.

"Uh. Hey, Lance? We gotta go. It's freezing," Luis said, tapping him on the shoulder. 

"Yeah! Sorry. Okay, I'll text you," Lance told Keith. Keith nodded and watched him head to the car. 

Meanwhile, Luis stared at him with that same weird look he'd had all throughout dinner. "Um…. Yes?" Keith asked nervously. 

"My brother's really into you." 

Keith blushed and stuffed his hands in his pocket. He hadn't felt the cold until Luis brought it up. "I would hope so." Was he really this weirded out by seeing their kiss? 

"Don't fuck him over," Luis said bluntly. Keith's eyes widened and he felt a guard start to build up, tension as he fought the urge to talk back and defend himself. "I knew he liked you a lot. I could tell by how he talked about you. But seeing the way he acts around you is different. Lance has had a lot of crushes since he was a kid, but I only ever saw something real when he…. I haven't seen him that way in a long time. Which means he's really serious about you. And if I have to see him heartbroken again-" 

"Whoa, okay, I'm not…. I'm not planning on breaking his heart. I mean where did this come from? A kiss in a car?" 

Luis sighed and crossed his arms. "It just hadn't really clicked. And when I saw you guys…. I just realized my little brother is in a very vulnerable place again. A place he didn't expect to be in ever again. I don't fully know you, I don't know what to think about you except you made Lance realize he likes guys, you're probably boning, and you have him in the palm of your hand." Keith felt hot all over at Luis' comment. "I don't wanna see him hurt anymore." 

"I won't hurt him. Not on purpose. But…." Luis raised an eyebrow. "She didn't mean to hurt him. She couldn't help it. What do I have to do with that?" 

Luis clearly wasn't expecting Keith to know about Allura. His eyes widened and he looked back at the car. Lance looked confused as he looked through the back window. Luis turned back to Keith and sighed. 

"I know. It's just…. I've failed to keep them from getting hurt before. I won't do it again. Honestly…? It's kind of a shock seeing him with you…." Keith clenched his jaw and fought the urge to take a step back. "Not because you're a guy. Just because… forget it. Just. Don't die and don't break his heart. I look small, but I can pack a punch. Ask Marco." 

"Noted…." Keith watched Luis turn away and get back to the car. Lance immediately bombarded him with questions, and as they pulled away Veronica gave Keith a slight wave and a smile. 

Keith already missed Lance so badly, it felt like a hole had been punched through his soul. 


	20. Side Effects

“Ay mi rey, hasta parece que estas enamorado.” 

Lance felt a hard scrape against his shin and he jumped. “What?” 

Mami laughed and shook her head. “What are you thinking about, m’ijo? You’re barely touching your food.” 

Veronica was giving him a not-so-subtle  _ you’re a dumbass  _ look. “Oh. Um. I’m waiting on my final test scores to be posted,” he said. Of course, Lance wasn’t worried about his final scores. He knew he’d passed them all with A’s and a high B for that one shitty science class he forgot a paper for. 

Really, he was just trying to figure out a day he and Keith could meet. Keith’s texting was just as bad as it was when they first started talking. Lance would go without a reply for a long time before being bombarded with up to fifteen short responses trailing each other. Unless it was later at night, just before their nightly calls, Lance was always waiting on his phone to buzz and alert a new message or dozen. 

It sucked because Lance had to change Keith’s name in his phone from  _ Principe Koala  _ with a heart emoji to just  _ Keith _ . It felt wrong and it made him a little sad each time he saw the notification. 

“I’m sure you did well, m’ijo. You always do. Don’t worry so much. Now both of you go get ready for church or we’ll be late.” 

Veronica and Lance picked up their plates and put them in the sink before going down the hall to their rooms. “You know, if you wanna keep it a secret, you could be a little less obvious,” Veronica whispered behind him. 

Lance rolled his eyes and went into his room to change out of his PJ’s. Lance always felt a little weird when he went to church. Like he didn’t belong there, or his presence there was somehow wrong. It was a shitty feeling because when Lance was younger, he loved going to mass whenever his abuelita visited or whenever they got a chance to visit Cuba. He used to pray for nearly an hour before bed each night, and even though those habits faded as he got older, he always considered himself a devout Catholic. 

At least until Allura’s death. After that, Lance became angry with God, and once his grief mellowed out, he felt guilty for being angry. It didn’t change the fact that Lance wanted so many answers and no one could give him more than, “God’s plans for us aren’t always the same as our plans for ourselves. Only He knows why things happen.” Which to Lance was bullshit, and sometimes he wished he could see God face to face and demand answers and call Him all kinds of names. 

Although the anger had nearly diminished, Lance still had his doubts. He was still aware of how angry he’d been, how he refused to go to church again after the funeral until her one year memorial. Lance used to go to mass every Sunday. Now he only went when he was home for vacation and felt too guilty to say no. 

Within a half hour, Lance was in the car with his parents and his sister. The smell of a sharp, too strong perfume his mami loved to wear wafted and mixed with the car heater until Lance was fighting carsickness by leaning his head against the cold window. Another message buzzed in, followed by a handful more as Lance unlocked his phone. 

_ Not Christmas, I spend it with my parents _

_ Also the day after w Karina _

_ But any other time?? _

_ What abt your parents?  _

_ They won’t ask why you’re coming back suddenly?  _

_ about**  _

Lance smiled as the stream of thoughts filled his phone. Then he pressed the box to reply. 

_ I’ll think of something. I’ll text back later though because I’m about to get to church. I miss you. A lot.  _

He sighed as he made sure his phone stayed silent and looked up, thankful to see that they were about to park and he’d be free from the nauseating mix of perfumes and heater waves. As soon as the car was parked, Lance opened the door and took a gulp of the fresh, December air. He stared up at the church building and its spires and the statues of saints outside. There was a statue of a the Virgen de Guadalupe and a Virgen de Fatima. Inside the building, there was an alcove with the virgin native to Cuba- la Virgen de la Caridad. Lance remembered staring at that one when he was little and the church was too full to sit in a pew. He tried to memorize every thread pattern, every porcelain detail, every dip of the fabric of her mantle. He even wrote a poem about her that his abuelita loved. 

Something twisted in him at the sight of the church and made it hard to breathe as he walked in with his family. The place was still so familiar, but also so different. The carpeting had changed. The pews were new. The virgin he was so used to had been moved to a different alcove, and there was a new room for fussy children to be in with their parents.

Lance imagined an indistinguishable voice telling him “Go away. You’re not welcome here.” It was stronger now. Because Lance didn’t only have the weight of his anger and his guilt for turning his back on God anymore. Now he was also carrying the secrets he hid from his parents, the guilt that he felt for being with Keith when he’d learned all his life that he was supposed to fall in love with a woman and only a woman. It made him even angrier in a way. Like God had no right to hate him for who he liked when he had already taken Allura from him. 

_ I deserve to be happy, so fuck you,  _ Lance thought. Of course, he felt guiltier and even afraid for having thought it. 

Lance really wanted to get out of this place. 

“Lance?” Lance blinked and looked at his parents His father looked concerned. “Estas bien?” 

“Yeah.” Lance cleared his throat and followed his parents toward a pew, his eyes on the white looking Jesus on the cross, staring up in tired agony. He felt torn between anger and guilt, and he hated it. 

His mom didn’t say anything to him, but she took his hand. Lance let her because it made him feel small again, that age when he still had to stand on the pew to see the altar, the priest. Lance let her because it felt like an anchor. It kept him from getting swept up in the tumult of contradicting emotions swirling inside of him, like his body was just a vessel for uncertainty and fear. 

The mass started, and Lance found himself humming along to familiar songs of praise, aleluyas and glorias falling from his lips when he recalled the words. He even realized he was whispering everything the priest said under his breath, his mouth reciting everything he’d memorized after years of worship. 

Every time he came to mass the same questions filled his head. 

_ Why did you take her from me? Why did you kill her so young? She had more to give life. She deserved more. How can you call yourself an all-powerful God if you couldn’t save her? Where is she? Do you even exist? Does heaven or hell? _

Now, in addition to those questions, he had more. 

_ Why put Keith in my life if I wasn’t meant to fall for him? Why make me capable of feeling everything I feel for him if everyone says I’m not supposed to? Do you hate me?  _

It was overwhelming. By the time they were giving the eucharist, Lance found himself on his knees, weak and tired, tears streaming down his face as his grief was renewed, as fear he hadn’t felt before overwhelmed him and anger for the grief and anger for the fear bubbled up in him. He wanted to stomp down the aisle and yell at that stupid cross, he wanted to scream and throw things until he was exhausted. 

Somewhere among the questions cycling in his head and tearing him apart, he found new questions, questions which begged for solace and help. 

_ Will my parents be okay with me? How do I tell them? How do I come back here without feeling like I’m falling apart each time? Do I even have the right to ask for your help? _

A gentle tap on his shoulder made him jump as he wiped his face. He looked over his shoulder and saw a woman holding out a tissue in her hand. A gentle smile played on her face. Wordlessly, Lance took the tissue to blow his nose and wiped his tears with his jacket sleeves. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. The woman smiled a little more and nodded before sitting back and closing her eyes. 

As Lance sat back down, his mom took his hand and held it even tighter. He leaned into her, having to crouch a bit because she was shorter. She wrapped an arm around him, hugging him tightly, and Lance shut his eyes. 

Mass was over shortly after and as they walked out, Veronica fell in step with Lance. “You okay, manito?” she asked softly. He shrugged. “If you wanna talk, you know I’m here. We can get coffee later to be alone.” 

Lance smiled at her. “Thanks, Vero." 

Everything around him felt heavy. He wasn't sure if he felt better or worse. Then he pulled out his phone and saw a few messages from Keith. 

_ Hope it goes well _

_ Whenever you're out, I think I have an idea. _

_ We just need accomplices _

Lance frowned and messaged back with a series of question marks.

_ Okay accomplices sounds dramatic.  _

_ Point is, Hunk&Pidge stayed right? They can invite you over and we can meet up with them. _

_ That way you're not lying or anything _

_ And we can still see each other. _

_ If you want _

Lance smiled as he read the texts. They were almost home, and he noticed his mom kept looking back at him through the faint reflection of the sideview mirror, so he messaged back;

_ I love that idea. I’d get to see them too. I’ll call you tonight to figure out when <3  _

Lance didn't even walk into the house before Veronica grabbed him and announced they were going for a coffee.

Mami looked at them suspiciously, well aware that something was up. She could always see right through Lance, always knew when he was hiding something or when he lied. As he grew up, she let him slide with things, but Lance knew. Even now, knowing something was going on, she allowed him his space and nodded. “Okay, m’ija. Just be sure you’re back in time to decorate the tree. Luis and Marco are coming over at five.” Veronica nodded and tugged Lance over to her car. 

As they pulled out of the driveway, Lance looked out the window where his parents were talking and following the car with their eyes as they went into the house. 

“Do you think they know?” Lance asked, breaking the silence he’d settled into. 

“They know something’s up with you. I think the whole church knew that much. But if you’re asking if they know you’re pan, then no. At least I don’t think so.” It was quiet for a bit before Veronica looked at him. “I think they think this is about Allura. I don’t know, maybe it is, but… it’s not just that is it?” 

Lance looked out the window and sighed. He wanted to tear this feeling out of his chest. He wanted to claw at it until he excavated all of the rotten pieces in him so he could find that version of himself he wanted to be. The version everyone was comfortable around. The version everyone liked. He wanted to yank this hollow melancholy from its roots and tear it apart so it stopped growing. 

“I love Christmas. I love the parties, the music, the food. I love New Year’s and the fireworks and the grapes Mami practically forces us to eat.” Veronica chuckled softly. “I just can’t get rid of this feeling right now. And I want to blame church, but it feels like more. I already miss Keith and we barely left last night. I feel like something’s wrong and I feel like I can’t talk without lying and-” He put his face in his hands. “What the hell is wrong with me?” 

“Nothing’s  _ wrong _ with you.” Veronica pulled up to the cafe and parked. But she didn’t get out of the car. “You are still mourning. It’s okay. Stop beating yourself up for being human. And… Keith is important to you. And with the way you are, being unable to tell Mami y Papi about him is killing you-”

“What do you mean the way I am?” 

“Emotional!” Lance flinched. “He’s important to you. And when something or someone is important to you, you want to share with the whole world. You’d gather us to hear your favorite poems. You immediately introduced Keith to Hunk and Pidge. Yeah, you feel guilty for hiding it, but you’re also just upset that you haven’t told them yet because honestly, you’re fucking bursting with your affection for that guy.” Lance blushed. “And that’s a big deal. Everyone sees it. Everyone knows it. And I don’t know what happened at church-”

“I told God off,” he answered. Veronica furrowed her eyebrows. “In my head. Sort of like prayer but not. And I think He just sorta let me. Then… I dunno. I felt better. But also worse.” He took a shaky breath and shrugged. “It’s stupid. Because no one has told me anything yet or…. It just felt like I was in a room full of people who would call me names or say things to me if they knew what I felt for Keith. And it made me so angry then I thought they were all hypocrites and I was also mad because I thought of Allura’s memorial and then I panicked because I changed so much from when I was little and-” He groaned and let out a humorless laugh. “Man, what the  _ fuck.”  _

“You’ve got a lot going through your head then, huh?” Lance scoffed. “Is it gonna make you second guess being with Keith?” 

“What? No! No, absolutely not. I won’t let it.” He ran a hand through his hair. “When Allura died…. I couldn’t breathe for so long. I’d cry and I’d scream and I just…. It felt like I was struggling for any bit of air. I never realized… it still felt hard to breathe. Like there was still a pressure keeping me back or keeping the world dim. When I’m with Keith it’s like… it’s like fresh air. There’s nothing stopping me anymore. Nothing keeping me from taking a breath and relaxing and seeing everything as vibrant and…. That feeling is too good too pure to be a bad thing. It’s too rare to let it go.” 

Veronica didn’t say anything for a long time. Not until Lance looked over at her and saw the distant, soft expression on her face. “That almost sounded like a poem,” she said. Lance grimaced and looked away. Veronica took a breath, recognizing the unwelcome topic. “Do you want to come out to them while you’re home?” 

Lance bit his lip and glared at the glove compartment. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “I do and I… and I don’t. It’s just too much right now.” 

Veronica nodded. “I understand that. And that’s fair. You should tell them when you’re ready. You’re also allowed to enjoy being home.” Lance shut his eyes and sighed. A gentle hand ruffled his hair. “Ya no te apures, flaco. Let’s get some hot chocolate and relax for a bit. Get your spirits back up in time for tree decorating. You know we waited for you to get home.”

That made Lance smile. “Yeah. Okay, that sounds good.” She smiled at him and turned the engine off. They got out of the car and walked into the cafe. The smell of ground coffee beans hit Lance’s senses hard. “So, what’d you think of the performance yesterday?” 

“I think you were practically shaking the entire time,” she answered with a smirk. “It was really cool though. Like, damn. I think Keith had the craziest choreography.” 

“Right? Especially when he lifts Alexa right up over him, like holy shit.” Veronica’s nose scrunched up for a split second before she turned to order. Lance frowned, patiently waiting until they sat down to wait on their order. “What was that?” 

“What? What I ordered? I got us hot chocolates-”

“No the face. When I mentioned Alexa.” 

Veronica frowned. “Oh. I dunno I just got a vibe from her.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “I didn’t talk to her, so I can’t really say I don’t like her, but….” 

“But you don’t like her.” Veronica shrugged. “What’d she do?” Lance tried racking his brain for something Alexa might’ve said or done. There was that Danny Phantom comment, but he didn’t think it was an insult. 

“She just seems pushy. That thing she said about tension about tension was unnecessary. People aren’t supposed to point it out.” 

Lance snorted. “You did the same when you guys were at my apartment!” 

“I’m your sister! Why are you defending her so much, anyway?” 

Lance tried to back off a bit, noting the way Veronica seemed to be getting genuinely upset. “No, it’s just…. She’s cool with Keith so she’s around sometimes. I think she’s cool. People don’t normally rub you the wrong way without even talking to you, so I thought…. Don’t worry about it. I doubt you’ll ever have to talk to her except at dance performances if you go with me.” 

Their order was called, and Veronica got up to get it. She sat back down and smiled at Lance. “Chocolate heaven at your grasp. So- what are you getting Keith for Christmas?” 

The question made Lance freeze. “Fuck if I know,” he groaned. “I’m broke, it’s like a week away, and he never tells me what he wants. I’ve asked him and he just says, ‘I’ve got everything I need.’ Like, no shit, Sherlock, I wanna give you something you just  _ want!”  _

Veronica burst into laughter and shook her head. “Well…. Not to meddle, but also it’s kind of killing all of us…. Why not ask if you can be his boyfriend?” Lance felt his face turn red and he looked down at his drink. “Wait.  _ Wait.  _ Are you guys official? And you didn’t tell me!”

“Wha- no! Sh!” Lance anxiously waved his hands to get her to quiet down as a few people turned to look at them. “Jesus. No. We’re not. Um. So…. He actually… y’know  _ popped the question _ or whatever.” 

“You said no?” she asked incredulously. 

“Stop jumping to conclusions and let me finish!” Veronica rolled her eyes. “I said yes. But remember how I said I didn’t want to be his boyfriend if he didn’t know about Allura?” The amusement in her eyes dimmed. Her expression sobered. Then she raised an eyebrow. “I told him I needed to tell him something before we could say… we were official. And I told him about her. What happened and all….”

“I guess he took it well if you guys are still all… well, I mean the way you were yesterday. What happened?” 

Lance took a deep breath and let it out all at once. “Oh. Well. I mean. He needed to process. He took his time to let it all sink in. And we talked about it. He was glad I waited to tell him, but also… well, he wasn’t expecting that.” Veronica nodded. “I said I understood if he wanted to retract the question, and he said he didn’t. But he does wanna take time to see how we feel now. Y’know, since he knows and so…. So we’re sort of taking it slow. It’s nice to know he wants that with me though.” 

Veronica smiled. “It’ll be a relief when you two finally make it official. But I am really happy to hear that you’re both being so careful and mature about it.” Lance gave her a wide, cheeky smile. “Well, I mean, you have time to think of a gift.” Veronica took a sip from her cup. “So… uh… what’s the deal with Hunk? I thought him and Pidge were supposed to sort of be a thing, but that guy he’s living with…?” 

It took Lance a moment to realize what she was saying. “Oh, Roland? He doesn’t have a place to stay, so he’s been staying with Hunk.”

“Huh. Okay.” Veronica didn’t say anything else. Part of Lance wanted to question it, but it was unnecessary. Vero didn’t know the whole backstory, and frankly it was Lance’s to give. “Well, Marco just texted that he’s on his way, so we need to hurry.” 

Chugging hot chocolate wasn’t Lance’s proudest moment, but he was dying to see Nadia and Sylvio. And sure enough by the time they got to the house, Marco was helping them get out of the car. As soon as they saw Lance, they ran toward him. Nadia jumped onto him, nearly knocking him off balance as he half carried her. They both started talking over each other, excited to fill their uncle in on the events of the past couple of weeks. Mostly video games and school stuff. 

“Hey, let him get inside, you two,” Marco called from the doorway. “It’s cold, get in. Saluden a sus abuelitos.” They stayed clinging to Lance as they walked into the house. 

As they stepped in, Lance saw his mom immediately start to search his face. She must have been satisfied with what she found because she gave him a relieved smile and seemed to let out a breath that allowed her shoulders to relax.

She brought out a plate full of cookies which the kids immediately set to devouring. Not long after, Luis arrived with Maya. 

As they sat in the living room getting the ornaments and tinsel and lights for the tree, Lance felt that weird melancholy start to gnaw at his chest. He had the urge to curl himself into Keith's chest where he knew he'd be received with strong arms, comforted through the strange unease. 

But Keith wasn't there, and Lance had just gotten over the weird feeling. He didn't want to succumb to it again. 

"Tio? Is it okay if we still put this one up?" Sylvio handed Lance a clear ornament, decorated with glittering white swirls. His heart clenched as he looked at the pink A at the bottom. "It's my favorite, but-" 

"Of course you can. Go ahead," Lance answered through the knot in his throat. He was an idiot. "I'll be right back." He got up and tried to be discreet as he found shelter in his room. 

Of course.  _ Of course.  _ It was her. She wasn't here, and that's what felt wrong. Last Christmas felt like a blur for Lance. He couldn't exactly remember it, and he never let himself think about it. Their only Christmas together had been Allura's first time in the house. It was the day she gave him his cologne. And she'd made a set of ornaments with the kids, and they'd loved her immediately. 

The fact that the concept of missing her had completely eluded him made Lance angry with himself. And he'd yearned for Keith in the midst of it…. 

_ No, no, no.  _ Lance pressed his hands against his head, squeezing as hard as he could. He couldn't handle another crisis. A knock on his door made him tense. 

"Flaco? You alright?" Luis. 

"Yeah, I'll be right there I just…." He couldn't think of an excuse. 

"Can I come in?" Lance didn't answer for a while. Then he stood up and opened the door for him. Luis looked at him sadly, eyebrows furrowed. "You miss her, don't you?" 

Lance nodded. "I just… I didn't even realize it until I saw the ornament," he said brokenly. "I told myself I missed Keith. It's like I'm forgetting her-" 

"No it's not," Luis interrupted. "Lance, you're just healing. You're letting yourself move on." Lance shook his head. He hated how that sounded. Like he had to leave Allura behind to be okay. "Lance…. If you wanted Keith near you, that's… it's okay. He knows about her now, you can talk to him about this." 

Lance frowned. "How do you know Keith knows about Allura?" 

Luis shrugged. "He told me…. Last night." 

Lance recalled seeing Luis talk to Keith just before leaving. The way he insisted he was just talking about the performance when Lance kept asking what that had been about. He stared at Luis expectantly until Luis sighed in defeat. 

"I just…. I told him to be good to you, that's… that's all. I… it sort of hit me when I caught you guys making out that… well this guy is actually… gonna be with you. And I don't know, you guys hadn't done much more than hug when I looked. Seeing the actual…." 

Lance tensed. Was he trying to take back his support? Was actually seeing Lance with Keith too strange, too wrong to him? "You don't… actually like the fact that I'm with a guy…." 

"What? No that's not true! I just mean…." Luis shook his head and shrugged. "It's weird to me because… because I still think it should be Allura. Like it takes my eyes a minute to recognize why it's not…. It's stupid and it's not even your fault or anything." 

Lance looked down at the floor. "Oh." 

"Lance, it's okay. I'm gonna get used to it. You know how I know? Because I like seeing you happy, and you're happy with him. I just also don't think that coming to hide in your room to guilt trip yourself is gonna help." He put a hand on Lance's shoulder to get him to look back up. "Why don't you call him? You tend to relax with him." 

Lance hesitated. "I don't want to upset him." 

Luis frowned. "Not to be a dick, but… if you can't mourn Allura around him-" 

"I know, I know. And yeah, that's…. Look, I can't though because the last thing I need is someone eavesdropping and finding out again anyway." 

"Ouch. Low blow." Lance winced, but Luis was giving him a small smile. "I'll keep them distracted. I'll make something up. But I think you should talk to him. Or Hunk or Pidge or…. Just don't bottle it up. But that guilt is coming from missing Keith, and that's not fair to you. You can miss them both in different ways, you know?" Lance didn't say anything. He couldn't stop thinking about Keith's comment last week. How it felt like he was sharing Lance. "Look, I'm gonna keep people from coming to your room for the next… what fifteen minutes? You can call him or you can talk yourself in circles. But there won't be any eavesdroppers." 

Lance didn't get a chance to say anything before Luis was already out the door. He plopped down on his bed and stared at Keith's contact ID for a while, his finger ghosting over the green phone icon. 

Finally he pushed it and put the phone to his ear. After a handful of rings, one got cut off and Lance could hear a slight shuffle. 

"Hey, sweetheart. I wasn't expecting to hear from you until later." Keith's voice managed to soothe the ache in his lungs a tiny bit. 

"Hey. Yeah, I'm sorry. Is it a bad time?" 

"No. No of course not…. Lance, what's wrong?" 

Lance let out a dry chuckle. "Who says anything's wrong?" 

"You didn't call me príncipe or koala. And I can tell by your tone. It's too soft…. Lovely all the same, but…. What is it? Did something happen?" 

The words got stuck in his throat. He wanted to be honest. He wanted to tell Keith how badly he needed his embrace and how guilty that somehow managed to make him feel. But this was still new for them both. Allura becoming a Thing between them was… new still. 

They wanted to see how they handled it before being official, but… what if they couldn't handle it? What if it was too much for Keith? What if Lance was too much-?

"Babe. Lance, you there?" Lance gulped. "Your breathing sped up a lot…. Lance what's wrong, you're scaring me." 

"I'm sorry." God, he hadn't even said anything and he was already fucking up. "I'm sorry. It's…." 

Another long pause. Words refused to come together. Or rather, Lance refused to let the words that came together out of mouth. 

"Lance…? Is it… about Allura?" Lance let out a loud breath, collapsing into himself. "What happened?" The question was tense, but the affection was still there. 

So Lance let his words tumble out, however messy. He told Keith about the chaos in his head at church, the anger at God and himself and the people there, about feeling better but still weird and then coming home and seeing the ornament and realizing what was wrong and feeling horrible for realizing it so late, feeling horrible for wishing for Keith because it wasn't fair to Keith, and then he started to ramble about how he wasn't a back up and he wasn't sharing, but he just couldn't sort his emotions.

He ended up breathless and half crying between all of his words. Only an occasional sigh or intake of breath told him Keith was still listening. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Keith-" 

"What have I told you about apologizing for these things?" Keith said softly. Lance sniffed. "I didn't know you were religious." 

"I'm not doubting what I feel for you." 

"I know," Keith assured. "There is nothing sinful about what we have. Except y'know the… premarital sex probably." Lance let out a disbelieving laugh. "But hey, straight couples do that too." There was a slight smile in his voice. "Lance, you told me the day we talked about her that you would always love her. And that…." Another sigh. "It makes sense. Your time together got cut short. So I don't think you'd ever leave her behind. Or forget her. Or 'move on.' The fact that it took seeing that ornament to realize what felt off was probably your brain shielding you from those emotions. I don't think it's moving on or forgetting. I think you're just living. And you have a right to do that, baby. You have a right to live and experience new things." 

"You're not upset that I wanted you to hug me when I was missing Allura?" 

There was a pause on the line that made Lance's heart clench. "At first it stung a bit," he said honestly. "Like you said… my first thought is asking if I'm… the back up. But I know you, Lance. I know how much you're capable of feeling and I know how sincere the things you feel are. I'm… kind of flattered that you wanted me with you. It tells me you trust me. And the fact that you called to talk about it… well, that means you're comfortable bringing this up with me." 

Lance wiped his eyes and felt his heart settle into a steadier pace. "I just… I never want you to feel like you're second best. I know I mention her and bring her up so much more now, but it's because we said we'd be honest-" 

"I know, sweetheart." 

"It's just… you also said you were scared our relationship would be in her shadow and… and I'm scared I'm turning it into that." Another long pause. This one was longer. It made Lance panic again. "I'm sorry, I just have all of these emotions fucking with my head, and all these thoughts in my head that feel too loud and…. I don't know what to do." 

Keith took a shaky breath and cleared his throat. He didn't say anything. After a while, he finally admitted, "I don't know what to respond to that. The shadow thing. Because I am scared of that, but I can't ask you to control your feelings or memories. I won't."

A question built up in his chest, afraid to come out. But he pushed the words out anyway. "If that does happen… will you leave me?" 

This time there was no pause. No hesitance. Just a strong, certain, "No. I'm not going anywhere." Then there it was. A slight hesitance. But this one was familiar. It was the pause Keith took before he divulged in something vulnerable. The time he took to talk himself into saying something that inevitably made him blush the second it dropped from his lips. "I care about you way too much to go anywhere."

Lance let out a soft, relieved laugh. "You're amazing, you know that?" Keith's scoffed. "I…. I promise I'm going to work on this. You didn't sign up to deal with my grief, and I know that." 

"Pretty boy, I've told you before. You're allowed to be sad. To be angry. To be hurt. I wanted to know these sides of you too. I don't care if I didn't sign up for them." Lance sniffed again and tried to get a grip on himself. He did feel better. Still sad, but… not as heavy. Not as panicked. "Lance?" 

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna get better at this too. At helping you through the hurt. Through missing her."

Lance smiled to himself. He felt his heart swell with the affection he had for Keith. "You already do a pretty great job, you know?" They could do this. They could still work. Even with the memory of Allura being known between them. "I miss you. So, so much." 

"I miss you too, pretty boy," Keith whispered. "We'll see each other soon enough. You should enjoy time with your family though. You miss them a lot when you're away." 

Lance rubbed his face and wondered how much time had passed since Luis left his room. "Yeah. We're decorating the Christmas tree. They waited for me." 

A light laugh made warmth seep through Lance. "That was sweet of them." 

There was a certain tone in Keith's voice. Like he was still uneasy. Lance couldn't blame him after everything he'd dropped on him. He just wished he knew what to say to make it go away. "I'll call you tonight, príncipe. And thank you. I always feel a little stronger after talking to you." 

Keith hummed. "Cheesy," he teased playfully. "Have fun decorating. I'll talk to you later tonight." 

"Okay. Bye, koala." Lance had the pleasure of hearing an embarrassed little groan before the line went dead. 

He wiped his face again, knowing it was no use. His eyes would be red and puffy and he'd have a nose like Rudolph's. It always happened when he cried. Still, he took a deep breath and let his body relax with Keith's words. His voice had managed to loosen the pressure in his chest, and his words managed to ease up some of the chaotic emotions. 

He could make it through the day. 

He got out of his room and heard laughter in the living room. When he walked in, he saw Nadia and Sylvio decorating Marco with ornaments and tinsel. He winced as they pinched his skin, but there was a wide smile on his face. 

"Don't forget his face!" Luis reminded, holding Maya in his lap. The kids wrapped the tinsel around Marco's face, cutting off whatever curse word about to be directed at Luis. 

Veronica was on the floor, putting wire hooks through the ornaments that needed them, and his parents were sitting back and enjoying Marco's misery. 

"There you are, amor," he heard his mom say. Lance looked at her and smiled. Her smile faded a bit at the sight of his expression, but she didn't pry. "Niños, take that off your papi, we gotta decorate the tree!" 

Lance stood near the tree, watching as the kids gave the ornaments back to Veronica. He caught Luis' eye, caught the questioning eyebrow quirk, and Lance smiled and nodded. Luis smiled back. 

He was certain everyone knew why he'd disappeared for however long it was. It was clear in his face. Thankfully though, no one brought it up. No one asked. No one put him on the spot. They simply worked together to wrap the tree in lights and tinsel and glittering ornaments. 

Sylvio tugged on Lance's jacket and held up the clear ornament. "You wanna put it, Tio?" 

Lance smiled and lifted him up. "Sure, buddy." He took the ornament. "Where should I put it?" 

Sylvio hummed then pointed. If Lance put the sphere there, it would look clustered between other red and gold ones. But it was also near the top, and he figured he trusted his nephew's choice. So he hung it there between the others, and smiled.

Maya and Luis got the honor of putting an angel at the top of the tree. Once the tree was ready, Papá put the little red mantle along the bottom where the gifts would go. 

"Listo para Santa Claus," he said with a smile. Sylvio and Nadia's eyes lit up. 

After that, Vero and Mami started on dinner. Maya was in the kitchen with them, offering to help, but they insisted she simply keep them company. Meanwhile, Lance, his brothers, and his dad all sat at the table to play dominoes. 

Things felt a little normal that way. With cartoons blaring on the TV for the kids, the smell of spices and garlic wafting through the house as quick Spanish and loud laughter made the space come to life. Along with the Christmas decorations, it felt nostalgic and warm. It made Lance's heart mend itself a little more. 

\---

On Christmas Eve, Lance woke up to the sound of loud bachata music. He groaned and rolled over pulling his pillow over his head. 

No one came knocking on his door to wake him up and get him to start cleaning. But that music was loud enough to send its message between all the lovey-dovey lyrics. 

Eventually Lance pulled himself out of bed and shuffled to the kitchen. Mami was already wearing neon green plastic gloves that squeaked when she clenched her hands. "What's for breakfast?" he asked with a yawn. 

"Ay, m'ijo, we have too much to do today. Get some cereal or waffles para que se te quite el hambre. We'll stuff ourselves tonight." She had her hair up in a messy bun, with curls sticking to her face already. 

Lance nodded and grabbed a bowl to pour himself cereal. Vero was already at the table, looking just as disheveled and tired as him.

"This place is gonna be a mess tonight with mud tracks and wrapping paper and beer bottles. I don't get why we can't just clean it like we normally do," she muttered under her breath. 

"At least you're not having to deal with the roaches and spiderwebs in the garage," Lance answered through a mouthful of cereal. Vero rolled her eyes. "What time is everyone getting here, Ma?" 

"Your abuela's flight lands around three. Marco is picking her up. Everyone should be here by six." 

"So why are we awake at nine am?" Lance whispered. 

He felt a thwack on his head. "Quit complaining as if we don't do this every year," Mami chided. 

Lance winced and rubbed the back of his head. "Ay, Mami, eso dolió." 

She rubbed the spot she hit roughly and planted a quick kiss. "Hurry up, I need more hands!" 

Within an hour, everyone was scrubbing and cleaning something. Lance, as usual, was outside with his dad, sneaking in an occasional beer between mowing the lawn and sweeping the garage. Around four, Marco came honking down the street, announcing their abuela's arrival. 

As soon as she was out of the car, Lance ran to hug her. She didn't visit too often, so when she did, it was always a cause for celebration. 

"Mi tesorito!" she crooned. "Look at you, you're a grown man!" Her accent was heavy and Lance loved it. "Aren't you eating at college? Look at you, puros huesos." She poked his stomach and Lance laughed. Same old, same old. 

"Come on, abuelita, Mami's inside."

The cleaning was out of the way, but now the cooking took up their time. Lance took the job of an errand runner, passing the aluminum foil back and forth between his parents, sending chopped vegetables to his dad outside and bringing in cokes or beers for anyone who wanted one. 

The twins were watching Christmas movies on Disney, occasionally getting their cheeks pinched by Abuelita when they got up for something. 

Finally, Lance was able to sit and enjoy a drink with his brothers and his dad in the garage. They were making a large pork, and it was almost ready. The fire from it being cooked kept them warm along with the liquor in his cup. It was a new drink his dad had learned from another coworker, but it was good. Spicy and tangy, with just enough tequila to taste. It made Lance feel relaxed. 

Some of the neighbors had also stopped by either for the fire, the smell of the pork, or just in holiday spirit. So the garage was somewhat full of people. Veronica came outside with Maya, and after saying hi to everyone, they set up a long white foldable table. Veronica set up a few air heaters and then right behind them was Mami and Abuelita putting food out. Then the kids with paper plates and silverware to set the table. 

Lance didn't know why, but it made him smile. The perfect synch of his family. He took another gulp of his icy drink. 

He was thankful that the food was ready, really. Since his cereal that morning, he'd been going off of chips and beer or a mixed drink. He was getting dizzy and he already couldn't really feel the tips of his fingers. 

"You good?" He looked over at Marco who had put a hand on his shoulder. Lance nodded. "Mm. Okay. Let's eat." Lance sat down beside Nadia and Veronica. 

Even the neighbors got a plate, which answered Lance's suspicions. His dad put another plastic cup full of that red mixed drink he'd been enjoying. "I put less tequila in that. Your mami was watching."

Lance laughed and nodded. "Thanks, Pa. I'm good though. Eating will make the tipsiness go away." 

Sure enough once he started stuffing his mouth, his brain righted itself and everything came back into sharp focus. A hundred conversations were going on at once each interrupted by another and occasionally forgotten in favor of a different one. 

Lance found himself laughing loudly, the weight that he'd been carrying all week dissipating. Maya was hilarious, and the way she and Luis bounced off each other made for a dinner full of laughter and overdramatic screeches of glee.

After they'd all gotten seconds and even thirds, mami brought out dessert. A large flan and a monster tres leches cake. Lance hated that he always got stuck working outside; he wished he could watch Mami making the desserts like he used to when he was little. 

Lance had gone back to beer, which had miraculously refilled the cooler. 

"Jesus knows how to celebrate His birthday, amen," Marco said when Lance made the comment. It made them burst into laughter again. 

Once the table was full of used napkins and piled up paper plates and whatever remnants that would only last for tomorrow, the conversation had turned into little anecdotes from everyone. Mami was slightly drunk which was funny because it made her giggle at everything. While abuelita didn't like it, she didn't say anything. She just listened to all the stories and folded a napkin over and over before unfolding it and starting again. 

Lance smiled to himself. Keith did that too sometimes. 

"So we're holding the platform up, sabes? The one Meño cut his finger on. Now the boss wants three people moving it." Lance tuned back into his papá's retelling of the day he told off his boss. "No pero para esto, we got el Maricón with us, so-" 

The rest of the sentence drowned out in Lance's ears. He felt everything in his stomach church, only he wasn't about to throw up. His body simply started shaking. 

He looked at his siblings. Luis was wincing, glancing at Lance but he kept quiet. Marco hadn't caught on- he was still eating a slice of flan. Veronica was staring at the table. 

But none of them said anything. 

"Why do you have to call him that?" Lance interrupted. All eyes turned to him. Beside him Veronica subtly tugged his shirt under the table. But Lance had enough alcohol swarming in his head to make him not care for once. He always kept quiet, always let the conversation rise and fall around him, but…. He couldn't just let a slur like that pass.

"Que?"

"He has a name," Lance said, with an edge to his voice.

"Oh, please. Calm down, m'ijo. That's what everyone calls him." 

"It's not nice." Lance refused to let this go. It would be the smart thing. Nicknames that were offensive were common, and he'd probably heard his dad talk about this guy before, but…. No. If it was brushed off it made it okay and it  _ wasn't  _ okay. 

"It's what he is!" 

The anger that had been making his limbs shake all gathered as heat creeping up neck and to his face. "That's not the right word!" he shouted. 

"Lance, hey-" 

"No!" Lance shut down Marco's attempt to interfere. He was making a scene. In front of Maya. In front of neighbors. On Christmas eve. But he couldn't bring himself to care. He'd made it this far. "Just because it's what everyone nicknamed him, you think that makes it okay? You think he likes being called that?" His father narrowed his eyes. Lance never yelled at him. And now he was, and he was doing it in front of people. "Did you ever stop to think even for a second to ask him?" 

"Ay, no jodas," he finally answered back, his voice cold. Things were blurring out of focus with how angry Lance felt. He was being brushed off. "Ya cálmate. You've always been so sensitive about things." 

Something about the way he said it managed to both break Lance's heart and his resolve. 

"Que? Como si fuera maricón?" he hissed. 

"Oh my God," Veronica said under her breath. Marco awkwardly scratched the back of his head. Luis had his face in his hands. Mami was struggling to find words to defuse the situation. The neighbors shuffled around awkwardly. 

Finally Papá took a deep breath. His voice was measured, calmer. "I didn't say that, Lance." 

"You were thinking it." Lance got up, shoving the table hard enough that Luis had to push it back to keep it from tipping things over. Again, Lance couldn't bring himself to care. 

He walked toward the door to get back in the house. But he caught Nadia asking, "Papi, what's a maricón?" 

"It's a bad word, cariño. We shouldn't use it." 

Lance slammed the door behind him and went straight for his room. He felt dizzy. But the wasn't drunk dizzy. It was… fear and anger and confusion. 

The guilt began to gnaw at him. Regret about saying anything. He'd embarrassed his family. His abuelita saw him lose it. And Nadia and Sylvio…. Lance only caught a glimpse, but they'd looked afraid. Of course, he'd fuck up Christmas dinner. 

There was a knock at his door and without him saying anything, he heard it creak open. 

"M'ijo?" 

"I'm sorry, Mami. I know I shouldn't have done that, I just…. He wasn't listening." 

There was a sigh, then he felt a hand at his shoulder. "Where did that come from?" 

Another churn in his gut. Except this time, instead of blurting things out, he kept grinding his teeth together to make sure he shut up. 

_ I like boys. I'm seeing a boy. I've fallen head over heels for a boy.  _ He imagined himself saying those sentences aloud and winced at the idea. 

"Lance?" 

He shook his head and did something pathetic. 

"I have a friend. Roland. He's gay and he got kicked out of his home for it. So…. It touches a nerve to hear slurs and jokes." Lance cheeks burned. That was a cowardly move. But he wasn't ready. He'd fucked up enough. 

"Ay, dios mio," she whispered. "What kind of parents…? Is he okay?" 

Lance sniffed. "Yeah he's been crashing with Hunk." 

"Ah. Is Hunk…?" 

Lance actually laughed at that. Wrong person. Although…. "Um no. Not that I know of at least. But you never know. People find out at different rates." He panicked again and added, "That's what happened to Roland. He just came to terms with it. So." 

Her hand tousled his hair. "I understand why you got upset, m'ijo. But you can't talk to your papá like that." Lance sighed. "It's Christmas eve. Come on and have fun with your family. Dance with me! I'm tipsy enough not to notice if you step on my toes." 

Lance looked at her. Her eyes were big and slightly glazed. Her smile was still warm. Her cheeks were red from the beer and the cold. "You drunk, Mami?" Would she even remember what happened the next day?

She gasped and pinched his arm. "Claro que no. You know I don't get drunk. Nada Nadamas ando happy." Lance rolled his eyes and smiled. "Well, are you gonna dance with me or not?" 

Lance winced, but he let her take his hand and lead him out of his room. 

In the garage, the table had been folded back up. The neighbors were dancing and Sylvio and Nadia were both dancing with Marco. Vero danced with Papi and Luis with Maya. Salsa played loudly and had them all twirling, narrowly missing hitting each other. 

No one seemed to give Lance a second look when he came back. Just a quick smile as they moved to make more room for dancing. 

So he danced. With stiff posture, and continuously looking down at his feet, and steps just a fraction of a second behind. But no matter how awkward he was when it came to dancing, his family loved to dance with him. His abuelita danced with him next. Her steps were always smaller, so that at least made it a little easier for Lance. 

"Eres un buen muchacho, tesorito. Don't let that change." Somehow her compliment sounded and felt like a reprimand. "Ahora, let me sit, my knees are hurting." Lance chuckled and helped her sit. 

Surprisingly, Maya came up to him next. "Oh, I'm really not a great dancer-" 

She laughed. "It's okay, neither am I. I only look good because Luis is a good lead. Come on, it's rude to leave a lady without dancing. Haven't you read Pride & Prejudice?" 

Lance perked up a bit and laughed. "Of course," he answered, taking her hand. "Not many people have though." 

"I'm a bookworm. Luis found me reading it when we first met and he tried to-" 

"Ohh, I remember," Lance said with a wince. "He came to me asking me about it once, but I just told him to watch the movie because I thought he was messing with me. He was trying to impress you." 

She laughed and nodded. "He made a fool of himself, he was so confused. But it was cute. So I told him I'd go on a date with him if he actually read the book." 

"He stole my copy," Lance muttered. Maya giggled and looked back at Luis where he was dancing with Mami now. "You really love him, huh?" 

"Not everyone is willing to read a classic novel for a date. He makes me so happy. Anytime something good or bad happens, he's the first person I want to tell. I can't believe we've dated as long as we have and I still get butterflies when he looks at me." Lance smiled at her. He knew she was practically part of the family now. "And hey, I wanted to thank you. For speaking up earlier. I'm bisexual, so seeing you call your dad out on it…." She shrugged. But Lance had stopped dancing. 

He froze right there, staring at her in disbelief. "D-does Luis know?" 

She smiled. "He knows about my past partners. I don't know if he fully understood then, but I did find him googling terms a few weeks ago." Her eyes met his, and honestly Lance couldn't tell if she knew or not. "You did a good thing. Even if family dynamics will want to make it out to be a disrespectful one. Just know I really appreciated it." 

He nodded. He felt a surge of gratitude that she'd trusted him with that information. That she'd thanked him. That Luis hadn't told her just because she's his girlfriend. 

Maya gave herself a spin and suddenly, he was pulled back to reality. "And you say you can't dance," she said punching his shoulder lightly. 

Lance had about enough of dancing so he went to sit down and mull over the new information. Veronica sat beside him and kicked his leg lightly. 

"You okay?" Lance nodded. "For a second I thought you were gonna come out just for spite." Lance snorted and shook his head. "Well. I took a cute video of you and mami dancing. On an unrelated note, I need Keith's number." 

"Don't even think about it, Vero!" 

She laughed and tousled his hair. Her eyes skimmed the area. "You excited to go see him?" 

Lance smiled and nodded. "I know we talk every night, but…. I think especially after having to pretend I'm not with anyone, it just makes me want to be with him." Veronica gave him a funny little look. "What?" 

"You light up when you talk about him. It's cute." Lance blushed. "What'd you tell Mami after all?" 

"Half of the truth. I'm gonna go see Hunk and Pidge because Hunk is gonna have a little get together." Veronica smirked. "Which means you're going with me, by the way." 

"You don't have to take me-" 

"Well I want to. Unless you wanna spend the days hanging with Mami and Abuelita. Which you can, I just… figured you'd like a chance to let loose without worrying about them, y'know? Plus I'm pretty sure my friends think you're cooler than me." 

Veronica laughed and nodded. She didn't need to know that Mami had been worried about how much time she spent home. That Mami had asked Lance to take her with him so she could get out and have some fun too.she didn't need to. It wasn't a burden for Lance to have her come along. 

Throughout the night, Lance tried to keep more to himself. He danced with Nadia and played cards with Sylvio before they were ushered to sleep so Santa could come. At one point, his father wordlessly offered him a another beer, and Lance took it. He knew it was a peace offering of sorts. As if nothing had happened. Because that was the best Lance could hope for at that moment. By midnight, he was able to slip to the darkness of the front yard to call Keith. 

"I was just about to call you," he said as soon as he picked up. Merry Christmas, babe." 

"Merry Christmas, príncipe. Did you celebrate already?" 

"No we celebrate tomorrow. Based on the loud music in the background, I take it you celebrated today?" 

Lance laughed. "Yeah we did. It's pretty fun. Music, drinking, family drama, the ushe." Keith laughed softly. "I owe you a kiss under the mistletoe." 

"I've never had one of those," Keith answered. "I'm holding you to it." Lance smiled to himself. "Are you still coming on Wednesday?" 

"Absolutely. I'm taking Vero too for the mini party Hunk's throwing."

"Oh. Okay." 

"Something wrong?" Lance bit his lip, wondering why it would bother Keith to have Vero there. 

"No! No, I'm sorry, it did sound like…. No, I just… I was hoping we could stay the night together, but I don't wanna make her uncomfortable or something." 

Lance laughed and felt a smile stretch on his face. "I mean, I don't think she'd mind. We just can't do any of the fun stuff." 

"Aw, you mean… no cuddles?" Lance laughed loudly, covering his mouth to muffle it. "I'm kidding. Yeah, I wasn't…. It's not like I'm just looking forward to seeing you for sex. I just miss you." 

"Then of course you can still stay the night with me. I plan to cash in the cuddles I've missed." 

Keith laughed on the other end. "I'll be happy to pay up." There was a brief pause in which Lance simply basked in his affection for Keith, and he thought Keith was doing the same. Until he spoke again. "So how has today gone for you? In terms of grief?" 

"What?" 

Keith's voice took on a hesitant quality. "Just… have you been okay? Today? Have you… missed her? A-Allura." 

Lance's heart clenched. He knew what it meant for Keith to start this conversation. He knew what it cost him to say her name sometimes. But he was trying. He was trying so hard, and Lance just wanted to kiss him. 

"I've been good today. I miss her a bit, especially seeing Luis with Maya. Last Christmas was really rough. But it hasn't felt like grief today, just… nostalgia." Keith hummed. "Thank you for asking me, mi vida. It means a lot." 

"I told you I was gonna be better about this. I meant it. No one…." Keith hesitated, and Lance gave him time to gather himself. "No one has ever tried as hard for me as you…. So I'm gonna try for you like I've never tried for anyone before." 

"Keith…." Lance felt a knot I'm his throat. "God, I wish I could hold you right now." 

"Soon, sweetheart. But hey, go celebrate with your family. I don't wanna take you away too much. I miss you. And I can't wait to see you again." 

"I miss you too. I'll be in your arms before you know it," he said, echoing Keith's words from the last time they were together. 

Keith chuckled. "Bye, pretty boy." 

"Bye, koala." He hung up and looked at the sky. He was freezing, but he wanted this moment. This moment of background Spanish music, drunken laughter, and a dark sky full of clouds. Because until that moment, Lance hadn't realized that he hadn't experienced any sort of pain over Allura. And for once it didn't feel like forgetting. 

He  _ had  _ thought of her. It just hadn't caused a suffocating pain in him this time. 

"Hey. You good?" Lance turned and saw Marco leaning against the mailbox. 

"Yeah. Yeah, I really am." 

\---

Mami made the sign of the cross twice on each of them. "Be careful. Text me when you get there. And tell Hunk and Pidge they're welcome to visit. I haven't seen them since your birthday." 

"I will, Mami. And we'll be careful, no worries," Lance said. There was a small voice of guilt in the back of his brain. But he hadn't told any lies. He just held back some information. 

"We should go. Traffic will get rough if we dont leave soon," Vero said. 

Lance gave Mami a kiss on the cheek before heading to the car. Vero got in and immediately plugged the aux cord into her phone to play music. 

It was early enough that they avoided major traffic, which let them arrive about 15 minutes earlier than usual. But instead of heading straight home, he kept driving and waited for the exit to Keith's place. 

"You really can't wait, huh?" Vero said from the passenger seat. Lance ignored her. 

He finally pulled up to Keith's driveway, behind Adam's car and the car Keith started using. Veronica followed behind him as he started for the door. 

He knocked a couple times before standing back, nervously shifting his weight from the balls of his feet to his heels. 

Finally, the door opened to a shirtless Shiro that made Veronica squeak behind him. Lance couldn't blame her; the guy was ripped. Shiro smiled and opened the door further. 

"Hey! I didn't know you were coming today. Keith just got out of the shower, come in." Lance and Veronica walked in and sat on the couch. "He'll be out soon. Veronica, right?" Veronica nodded and shook his hand. 

"Where's Adam?" 

"Still asleep," Shiro said. "Oh, before Keith gets here…." Shiro went to the kitchen and ruffled through a drawer. He came back with an envelope and handed it over. "Here you go. I hope they're okay for whatever you're gonna do." 

Lance smiled and nodded. "We'll find out! Vero. Can you put these in your bag?" Vero took the envelope and tucked it away as they heard the sound of a door shutting. Lance stood up to stand near the hallway, hidden from view. 

"Shiro, how do I get the stupid wrap- holy shit!" Lance pounced to wrap his arms around him, lifting him from the ground, which made Keith kick and squirm as the shock overwhelmed him. Then he seemed to refocus and realize who was holding him. "Lance!" 

"Hey, baby." 

"Lance!" Keith said again, this time through laughter. "Oh my God, Lance!" He squirmed to get his arms around Lance, burying his face in the crook of Lance's neck. 

Lance let him down and hugged him just as tightly. "Miss me?" 

"So much," Keith said without hesitating. He pulled back and grabbed Lance's face between his hands, planting a hard, determined kiss on his lips. 

Just before Lance could immerse himself completely in it, he heard Shiro clear his throat. "Keith, bud, there's another visitor." 

They pulled away, both blushing like crazy as they turned to look at Veronica. 

"Oh, hey! That's right, Lance told me you were coming." He peeled away from Lance hold and went to greet her. "Why didn't you guys tell me you were on your way?" 

"Duh. I wanted to surprise you." Lance kissed his cheek. 

Keith chuckled and nudged him. "Well, mission accomplished. Just give me one sec." Keith pulled away and whispered something to Shiro. Shiro rolled his eyes and went back down the hallway. "So, what do you guys have planned for today before the party?" 

"Nothing really. I'm pretty sure Lance planned on spending all day with you," Veronica said. 

"What did I do to you? Why must you betray me so?" Lance asked. Veronica laughed as Keith squeezed his hand. 

"Okay, well, I gotta get my stuff. I'll be right back." He kissed him again and disappeared down the hall as well. 

Lance sat down next to Veronica who smiled smugly at him. "Shut up," he mumbled, himself blush. Veronica smiled wider. "Shut up!" 

"Aw, c'mon it's cute. You're both like little lovesick puppies and it's disgustingly adorable." Lance rolled his eyes and waited for Keith to get back. 

When he did, he had a duffel bag in his hand. The other immediately found its place intertwined with Lance's. 

After a quick goodbye to Shiro, the three of them got into Lance's car. In the time it took to get there, Veronica told Keith about their holidays, thankfully excluding that outburst during dinner, and Keith listened, running his hand through Lance's hair from where he sat in the back seat. 

When they got home, Lance excused himself to go take a shower so he could get ready for the party. Keith seemed a bit nervous about being alone with Veronica, but he nodded.

"Can you put my bag in your room?" Veronica asked.

Lance took it, barely containing his smile. He rushed off to his room and grabbed the album and the envelope of photos that were safely tucked in the bag. He went into the bathroom and sat on the floor, getting to work on filling up the album. 

The photos were in chronological order thanks to Shiro. One with the agent Keith had since he was little. She was crouching down to hug him and Keith had a shy little smile. Lance wondered how old he was there. 

Then there was a gap. The next he saw was an unsmiling Keith with the Shiroganes. Even Shiro looked incredibly younger. After that they became candids. Shiro had taken to doing what Lance had and snapped secret photos when he could of Keith's happy moments. 

When he got his motorcycle. When he graduated. A photo hugging his parents. He even managed one of Keith talking to Karina at the dinner the week before. There was something about the joy in his face when he didn't know there was a camera on him. 

Lance grabbed the ones he had printed out from his own backpack of essentials. Together on the ferris wheel. An extra copy of their photo booth pictures. A couple where Lance tried to be aesthetic and snapped photos of their hands or their shadows. A few selfies in the late nights when Keith fell asleep before him. 

There were still many blank pages. But Lance thought the ones he'd managed to fill said a lot. Even if there was so much missing. 

He went back into his room and put the album into a gift bag he'd brought with him before stuffing it with crinkly paper. The gift made him nervous. He wasn't sure if it would have enough happiness to balance out the bitterness he knew might permeate the memories. But he also wanted Keith to know…. Lance bit his lip, already knowing he'd be rambling when he gave it to him. 

He put the gift on the corner of his desk, figuring he'd give it to Keith at the end of the night just in case. Then he finally went to take a damn shower. 

Once he was showered and changed, he went to the living and found Keith and Veronica huddled together, looking at Veronica's phone. Keith was smiling wide, his eyes full of mirth when they met Lance's as he walked in. 

Keith let out a wolf whistle. It was playful enough, but the way his eyes raked over him made Lance suppress a shiver. 

"What are you looking at?" Lance asked, ignoring the flush in his face. 

"Nothing," Veronica said, putting her phone away. "Can I use your room to change?" Lance nodded, eyeing her suspiciously. She hurried down the hallway, leaving Lance with Keith. 

Wordlessly, Keith extended a hand to him. Lance took it and immediately felt himself get pulled toward him. Lance gasped, before he gathered himself and found himself half on Keith's lap and half on the sofa. 

"So… I have a gift for you," Keith said softly. "But I don't know if I should give it to you now or not." 

"I have one for you too," Lance murmured, his lips close to Keith's jaw. "But I want to give it to you later. After the party." 

"Then that's when we'll exchange." Keith ran his fingertips from Lance's cheekbone down to his lips. "Now how about an uninterrupted kiss?" 

Lance smiled and immediately leaned forward, his hand pushing into Keith's hair and finding their place at the nape of his neck. He hadn't realized how badly he'd needed this. After the stress of watching what he said at home and feeling torn between grief and guilt and anger and small arguments that amounted to nothing… this peace he found as his lips moved in synch with Keith's was everything he needed for his soul to breathe. 

Here in his arms, he could be himself. Here with Keith, he felt no guilt, no shame, no worry. This feeling was good. It was pure and it was… healing. 

Keith pulled back slightly, letting their noses brush against each other's. He gave Lance a gentle smile and sighed. 

"We've come a long way, haven't we?" Lance whispered. He remembered the days when Keith waited for Lance to make the first move. Waited for cues from him. He remembered when all the comfort was for Keith. When this open expression his face was rare and often followed by a wall coming back up to lock Lance out. 

Now he was welcomed with a smile and open arms. And Lance had laid everything out for Keith. No more facades or secrets. Just them. 

"Yeah. We really have." Keith kissed his forehead and pulled him closer so Lance could tuck his head against his shoulder. "There's so much good that's happened to me lately which I owe to you," Keith murmured. Lance furrowed his eyebrows, but Keith just chuckled.

Veronica came back all dressed up in a sparkly mid thigh sweater and dark tights with her hair pinned back in twists.

"Ooh, look at you, manita." 

"Shut up. I don't go out much, so when I do I go big, okay?" 

"No, I'm serious you look great!" Lance insisted. He wondered when the last time she went out even was. He had a bad feeling he knew the answer. "Hunk's get together isn't for another few hours, so do you guys wanna watch TV?" Lance asked. 

They ended up watching a few episodes of a crime series before they got their jackets and headed out. Hunk's place wasn't too far from Lance's, so even though they left pretty last minute, they were on time. 

Hunk's apartment was decked out with colorful Christmas lights, a small Christmas tree surrounded by gifts, and the smell of freshly baked cookies in the air. 

"Oh man, Hunk! This place is like Christmas wonderland!" Lance said, immediately moving to hug him. "Merry Christmas, man." 

"Merry Christmas!" Hunk ushered him in and greeted Keith and Veronica with hugs. "Matt and Pidge are on their way. Alexa said she'd be here soon." 

"Since when is Alexa part of the friend group?" Veronica asked in surprise, with maybe a bit too much distaste in her tone. 

"Well… she's Roland's closest friend, so…. I mean he's staying here so it's only fair to invite someone he knows." Hunk frowned and furrowed his eyebrows. "Is it a problem?" 

"No. No it's fine. Sorry I didn't mean to sound so aggressive." 

"Uh. Speaking of Roland, where is he?" Lance asked. 

"He went out to bring more hot chocolate. He and Pidge have me make some every night so we were out." 

Lance shared a look with Keith. It was kind of weird to think of Roland becoming so close with his friends. "Well, pass me the aux cord, you know I'm the best at choosing music!" Lance said, wanting to ignore the discomfort. This was a holiday. 

Hunk laughed and gestured him over to the speaker so they could get the bluetooth working. 

Then Christmas music filled the space and made the place impossibly cozier. 

Veronica had moved to look at the desserts Hunk made while Keith sat on the couch, his eyes on Lance. Hunk went to his room to bring out some games, and Keith took the chance to get closer to Lance. 

"Hey, you okay? With Roland…. And Alexa?" 

"Yeah, of course. Look, it's… awkward, yeah. But the guy doesn't have his family to spend time with. And I love Alexa. It's Veronica who didn't like her much, but she'll be fine." Keith hummed and stared at Lance. "Honest. I mean it. I just don't know how affectionate I can be with Roland near. Or if he even likes being around me." 

"Yeah…. I'll talk to him-" 

"No, Keith, it's okay," Lance reassured. "Just… let's enjoy our little holiday party and our time together right now." Keith relented and pulled Lance into his arms just as a knock at the door pulled their attention. 

Hunk answered and Pidge and Matt came in wearing ugly… Hanukkah sweaters? They had excessive sequins outlining a menorah and little lights on the candles. 

Hunk hugged them each and let them in. 

"Hey stranger!" Lance said when he hugged Matt. "I haven't seen you in forever!" 

"I know! We gotta catch up. Who's this?" Matt turned to Keith and shook his hand. 

"Um. Well, he's… we're…." Lance looked at Keith helplessly, but Keith just laughed. 

"They're screwing and they go on dates but they're not official," Pidge said, coming up to hug Keith. "Right, boys?" 

"Technically…," Keith muttered. 

"Oh. Well cool! Nice to meet you, man." Matt shook Keith's hand and just like that, the moment passed. 

Lance looked at Keith who just laughed and shrugged. 

The door opened again. "Hey, Hunk I brought two because I wasn't sure- Oh! Hey, Pidge!" Lance couldn't help but gape. He'd never seen Roland… smile. But as he greeted Pidge and met Matt then went to give Hunk the bag of stuff he'd bought, he had a wide smile and… seemed friendly. 

Hunk gestured over and Roland turned to look at them. While his smile dimmed a bit, he still seemed much happier than usual. 

He walked over and Lance felt himself shrink. The guilt crawling into him made him wonder if he should step away from Keith. Unnecessary jealousy made him notice the way Keith's eyes followed him cautiously and the way Roland's raked over Keith. 

While Lance had his own moment of panic, Roland was already greeting Keith with an awkward little hand shake. 

"Merry Christmas, guys." Roland looked at Lance, and while he didn't make a move to shake his hand, he did offer a smile. 

"Merry Christmas, man," Lance said. "You doing okay here?" 

Roland's eyes lit up again. "Yeah! For sure. Hunk's a great roommate and since I'm helping pay rent he says I don't have to move out. May as well finish school then look for a place. I just hope I don't get on his nerves." 

Another knock at the door pulled Roland away. Alexa came in and he greeted her with a tight hug. Before she even had a chance to go say hi to them, Veronica came up to Lance with a beer in her hand. "I dunno about you guys, but I'm ready to get trashed." 

"Wha- wait, does that make me DD?" Lance asked with a pout. Veronica stared at him as she chugged half of her beer before putting it down and scrunching her face for a second. "Despicable," he mumbled. 

"I brought Cards Against Humanity, so every sit your asses down and let's see who has the sickest humor," Pidge announced. 

"Pidge, you know what I think about that game," Hunk whined. 

"For someone who's won the last dozen times we've played, you complain a lot." 

"Damn. I'll challenge that," Alexa said. "We sitting in the floor or the table?" 

"Floor because the table is for snacks and drinks," Roland answered. "Let's just push the couches aside."

Before long, they were seated in a lopsided circle with stacks of cards being dealt out. "Who goes first?" 

"Our host should!" Lance said. Hunk grumbled and picked up a black card. 

The game began and immediately exposed some twisted humor. Lance managed to pick up on a few styles to better play his cards, but with such a big group it was hard. 

Keith and Hunk had won most of Roland's rounds. Lance started winning Alexa's after he figured out she was a sucker for any joke about being gay or anything relating to kinky sex. Alexa had most of Veronica's which the latter wasn't too happy about at first, at least until the alcohol started hitting. Of course, Matt and Pidge had most of each other's. While Lance had several of Keith's and Hunk's, Roland was close on his tail. 

"You and Roland have such a similar sense of humor that it's driving me nuts, you immature dorks," Hunk mumbled, sliding his card over. Lance snorted and waited for everyone to pile their cards. He was tipsy enough by that point not to give much attention to his muddled feelings about Roland. 

Roland was laughing at every card at that point, munching on cookies as he drank from a mixed drink in a plastic cup. "How long've we been playing?" 

"Like two hours," Alexa said. "I don't think I've ever played this long. Okay, okay, who wins?"

Lance read the cards aloud, stifling laughter as he read each one. "God you guys are dumb. Okay. Um…. I drink to forget..." Lance looked over them again. "I gotta go with giving birth to the antichrist because that's just…. I mean what the fu-" Lance fell back with laughter, suddenly overwhelmed with how hilarious the card was to him. 

"Hell yeah, motherfuckers I won again!" Alexa said. "Gimme card!" 

"I need a break from this, I can only take so much crude humor," Pidge said, sprawled on the floor. "I want spiked eggnog."

A chorus of ew's made her flip everyone off. 

Veronica hiccupped. "Gotta pee again, be back." 

"Your sister is wasted," Alexa said with a smirk.

"Far from it," Vero snapped. She stepped around them to get to the bathroom as Hunk got up to bring them more food. 

As tipsy as Lance was, being near Keith was too tempting. He couldn't just sit there a foot away from him. He'd spent long enough away from him and missing him, and now he just wanted to be able to touch him. 

So he leaned over and kissed his cheek. Evidently, Keith wasn't expecting it if the little jump he did said anything. He looked at Lance and smiled. "Hey, sweetheart. You doing okay?" 

"Mhm. Just wanna…." Lance shrugged and nuzzled in closer until Keith put an arm around him. 

"You're warm. Let's go out on the balcony." Lance didn't care where they went. He just wanted to be with Keith. He let Keith lead him to the balcony, and the chill snapped Lance out of his stupor for a moment. "Cold?" He nodded, so Keith brought him into his arms. 

"Kiss me." 

Keith smiled and pressed Lance against the railing, arms securely around him as he leaned in to kiss him. 

Lance didn't let him pull away. He cupped his face and kept him close, kissing him again whenever Keith pulled back. Keith laughed against his lips. "I need to breathe, pretty boy," he said turning his head. Lance simply began kissing his neck. "Oh man. You're a touchy drunk." 

"Just wanna be with you. So tired of watching what I say." Keith hummed and used one hand to get Lance to look at him. "I like you so much it's stupid." 

Keith smirked. "You become so eloquent when you drink." 

Lance rolled his eyes, but it made him dizzy again. "Would you just…." He sighed and leaned against Keith. It felt like his whole body was bursting with everything he felt for Keith, and there was no way words or actions could show it. Ever. And that frustrated him. And it frustrated him that he couldn't show the world, that he'd been too cowardly to just tell his parents, that the most he could manage was snapping at his dad for using a stupid word. 

"Hey…. What's wrong?" Lance grumbled and shook his head before hiding in Keith's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed at you." Again Lance shook his head. His head wasn't in a space where he could articulate his emotions. "I like you a lot too. But I don't think it's stupid. I think it's the smartest thing I've ever done." 

" _ Ke-eith."  _ Lance wiggled closer, making Keith squirm and laugh. "And you say I'm the sap." 

He felt a hand course through his hair. It soothed him. Grounded him. "We should get back inside so we don't freeze," Keith whispered. Lance nodded, but they didn't move. They just stood there in the cold, listening to the cars pass and the wind blow. "I know what you're gonna say after I say this, but I wanna say it anyway." Keith spoke into his ear. "But you really shouldn't feel bad that you haven't told your parents about me. Your family matters a lot to you and I don't want the time you spend with them tainted by guilt because of me." 

"It's not-" 

"I know." Keith pulled back and kissed him softly. "I know. But you can't tell me it's not part of the reason." Lance frowned and slouched against him. "Right now though, you're with me. And that's enough." 

"Yeah. It is." Lance kissed him again. 

The door to the balcony opened and Hunk told them to come inside for actual food. "We need something salty after all that sugar and all those drinks." 

"Yeah we'll be right there," Keith said. Hunk closed the door, and Keith turned to Lance. "You okay?" 

Lance nodded. "I'm good. But… one more kiss." Keith laughed, but of course he obliged.

They went back inside, hand in hand. Hunk was serving everyone some spaghetti which Lance thought was not a very Christmassy food. Still, the smell made him scarf it down before he even knew he was eating it. Which didn’t make much sense but in his head it did. 

Most of them were on their second serving as they sat around the TV to watch a movie. A classic, really. 

"Fun fact- we learned that dance for shits and giggles," Alexa said. 

"No way. You know the Jingle Bell Rock dance?" Matt asked. 

"Oh not just me," she answered with a sly smile. Her eyes drifted to Roland and Keith. 

A chorus of gasps and whoops from the others had Keith going red. Lance shook him. "You gotta dance! You gotta! Please?" 

"I don't think-" 

"Let's do it! I'm drunk enough, fuck it," Roland said as he got up. Hunk and Pidge cheered him on. Alexa stood up excitedly and pulled him toward her. 

"Come on, Keith, we can't do it with just two," Alexa said. 

"We can't do it with just three either," he pointed out. "It's four people." 

Alexa rolled her eyes and slouched. Lance scrambled to his feet. "I wanna learn! Teach me!" 

Hunk, Pidge, Matt, and Vero laughed, but encouraged him with whoops. Alexa and Roland stood on either side of him to talk him through the steps as Keith watched with an amused smile. 

"You gotta drop! Drop!" Roland said between laughs. 

"I can't dance!" Lance answered as he plopped to the ground. Before long everyone was trying to learn the famous Mean Girls dance, tripping over themselves and completely forgetting the movie was on to begin with. 

Lance tripped again on a turn and Roland caught him with a laugh. He helped him get back on his feet, then kept staring at him. His smile slowly got smaller until his expression was suddenly somber. 

"Y'know, I get why he likes you so much," he said softly. Lance furrowed his eyebrows and looked around. Keith was helping Pidge learn the moves, oblivious. He turned back to Roland, his eyes still locked on him. "You're really great. And your friends are too. And you're everything he's always wanted." 

"Where is this coming from?" Lance asked, trying not to step away. 

Roland shrugged. "From being drunk. I know you don't need my blessing or anything like that but- It's stupid I'm just-" Roland groaned. "It still… hurts. But it's at least easier to handle because… you're a good person. Not just to him but in general. To everyone. To me. You didn't have to help him look for me when I disappeared, you didn't have to help me or let your friends help me, you didn't have to have my back when we were at the competition, and…. And he's so happy with you. He deserves that." 

Lance's focus became sharper the more Roland talked. Words fell from his mouth desperately like he needed to get it all out while he was vulnerable. "Let's step outside for a bit. Clear your head," Lance offered, nudging him toward the door that led to the balcony. 

They stepped out into the chill. Lance shivered, but Roland just leaned against the railing.

"I'm not stupid," Roland continued. "I know you guys hold back around me. And while I appreciate it…. You don't have to. Keith has had to hold himself back a lot already, and he really shouldn't have to with you  _ especially  _ around me, so…. So don't." His voice was shaking and it made Lance's stomach twist. "You're really cool, man. And I'm glad he has you. I'm glad he didn't end up with another asshole like me. It might be a lot to ask you, I know, but… it would be cool to be… it would be nice to be cool with you. Since your best friends are kind of my only friends and…. But I get if you don't want me around. So really it's… whatever." 

Lance waited to be sure Roland was done talking. "Can I ask you something?" Roland nodded. "You still like him, don't you?" 

Roland scoffed and smiled at the street lights. "You want an honest answer?" Lance raised an eyebrow. Roland let out a breath which Lance could see in the air. "The truth is… I loved him." Lance clenched his jaw. "I fell in love with him, and it was the first time I'd felt anything that strong. But it wasn't enough. I didn't love him right or enough or…. I fucked up too much. I fucked him over a lot. It's hard to get rid of that feeling no matter how hard I try to forget it. And maybe it's not as strong anymore, but it's there." Lance swallowed and crossed his arms. "It's because of what I felt for him though… that I'm happy he's with you now. I'd rather have to see him happier than he ever was with me with someone good and kind like you, even if I have to be reminded of it all the time." 

"Well. Thanks for being honest…." Roland shrugged and sniffed. "You make me uneasy. It sucks sometimes to be reminded of what he had with you. He told me what it was like. How much he liked you. I'm scared he'll feel it again." 

Roland shook his head. "He won't. Trust me." 

"You don't know that. Neither do I. Neither does Keith. Okay, I thought I'd never wanna be with anyone again much less a guy and here I am. Hearts are fucking weird." Roland laughed at that for a split second before covering his mouth. Then their eyes met and they were both laughing. Awkwardly, but honestly. "But I know you're a good guy too. Hunk tells me about some of the stuff you guys do. How you help each other study. How you bring him and Pidge food sometimes." Something about the way Roland turned away made Lance curious. "Look, I think it'd be nice to be cool with you too. I just figured you didn't like me." 

"I used to wish I could hate you. But you're too fucking nice." 

Lance laughed and shrugged. "Just… promise you won't try to take him away from me. He means a lot to me." 

Roland looked back at him and nodded. "I wouldn't do that. He deserves better than what I gave him. Than what I was able to offer." Lance sighed. Roland held out his hand. "So… cool?" 

Lance waited for an instinct to tell him to turn away. For some voice in the back of his head telling him not to trust Roland. But there was nothing. 

He put his hand in Roland's and shook it. "Yeah. Cool." Roland smiled and nodded. "Another question, though." 

Roland rolled his eyes. "What?" 

"My sister think you have a thing with Hunk." 

Roland raised an eyebrow. But even with just streetlights, Lance could see the way Roland's pale cheeks turned red. "That's not a question." 

"Well. Do you? Or… do you like him? The way you reacted a bit ago…." 

Roland chuckled and poked the toe of his shoe through the bars on the railing. "That transparent, huh?" 

Lance felt a weight settle on his chest. "Oh. Dude…. Hunk-" 

"Is straight. Has a thing for Pidge. Yeah. I know." He shrugged. "I think I might just be really sad and like… crush on the first guy who's genuinely nice to me, y'know?" Lance bit his lip, searching for something to say. "Relax. I won't do anything. Or say anything. But you can't either. Not even to Keith or your sister." 

"That's fair. I won't say anything." Roland nodded. "Um. Can we go back inside? I'm kind of freezing my ass off." 

Roland chuckled. "Go ahead. I'm gonna stay out here. I like looking at the clouds at night." 

"I'll ask Hunk for a blanket I can br-" 

"It's fine. Thanks." 

Lance cleared his throat and nodded. "Okay. I'll see you in a bit then." Lance went back inside and saw the others dancing with drinks in their hands, laughing and stumbling over each other. 

Except Keith. Keith was by the door to the balcony, his eyes on Lance. "Everything okay?" 

"Yeah. Did you hear anything?" 

"No. Should I have?" 

Lance smiled and took his hands. "Mm. I know we have a no secrets rule, but… I don't think it's for me to tell. Out of respect for Roland." 

Keith nodded. "That's fair. But nothing… bad? Nothing I should worry about?" Lance shook his head. "Okay. You seem a little more sober now." 

"Yeah, serious heart to hearts and December nights are good at sobering you up." 

Keith laughed and nodded. "Well. Come here." He tugged on Lance's hand and led him to the kitchen entrance. 

"What is it?" Keith smiled and looked up. Lance followed his gaze and felt a smile spread on his lips. 

He looked back at Keith and found violet eyes on him. "I believe I was promised a-" 

Lance didn't let him finish. He put a hand at the back of this neck and pulled him into a kiss, smiling all the while. Keith's hands rested on his hips and slowly slid around him in an embrace. 

When they pulled apart, all Lance could focus on was Keith and that wonderful smile on his face. To know he caused that, to know he made Keith smile this way was surreal. 

"I feel like I'm seeing for the first time when I look at you. Like I'm breathing for the first time when you look at me." 

Keith let out a soft breath and touched Lance's cheek lightly. "You have a way with words, pretty boy." 

Lance bit his lip. But Keith didn't push. He just kissed him softly and wrapped his arm around him. 

When Roland came back in, they were in the middle of a giant game of UNO that he was immediately incorporated to. For a few more hours, the group continued to drink leisurely, catching up or getting to know each other. Veronica was ten times more talkative since she was drunk, meanwhile Lance only got more sober. He knew he had to give Keith his gift, and he wanted to be completely coherent for it. 

It wasn’t long before Pidge had knocked out on the couch and the group had calmed down enough to just sit and listen to some music Alexa put on. 

“We should get going,” Keith whispered, yawning as he leaned against Lance. 

“Yep. Lemme get my sister.” 

Veronica was splayed out on the floor, nodding along to the music and mumbling the words under her breath. Lance nudged her, but she only sang louder. He pulled her up as she kept singing and tried to smooth her hair out. 

“I’m gonna have such a bad hangover in the morning,” Veronica said, rubbing her face. 

“No worries, manita, I got you. But we need to go.” He stayed beside her in case she lost her balance and started saying goodbye to his friends. “I’ll see you guys next year!” 

“You’re lame for using that joke!” Alexa called after him.

Keith laughed behind him as he followed Lance out. Lance still had Keith drive just in case. 

It was almost three in the morning by the time they got back to the apartment. Veronica immediately crawled onto the couch and fell asleep. Lance brought a blanket out for her and put a trashcan next to her as well as a bottle of water on the coffee table. He tugged her shoes off and took off her glasses for her and set them off to the side. 

When he pulled away, he saw Keith looking at him fondly. “What?” 

“Nothing.” 

Lance chuckled. “What, is there something attractive about me tucking in my drunk sister?” 

Keith laughed and took his hand. “Come on, I have a gift to give you.”

Lance let him lead the way to the bedroom and tried not to feel nervous about his own gift. Lance shut the door softly, leaving the hallway light on in case Veronica needed the bathroom at night. He grabbed the bag on his desk as Keith dug through his duffel bag. 

He pulled out a neatly wrapped gift with a bow on top. He walked over to Lance and kissed him softly. “Can I go first?” Lance nodded. “I have no idea how you’ll take this. But I really wanted to give you something… important.” Lance took a breath and nodded. Keith handed the gift to him, taking the bag from Lance. “Go ahead. I’ll explain when you open it.” 

Lance was careful about opening it. He liked keeping the paper intact for some reason, and it was wrapped so neatly, he couldn’t bring himself to tear it apart. 

A nice blue cover stared back at him.  _ Extravagaria  _ by Pablo Neruda. 

“I’m not… really familiar with poetry, so I had to look up stuff on like… books sites and blogs and…. You said he was one of your favorites. And the first poem you read to me was by him. I didn’t see it on your bookshelf, so…. I thought you might like it.” Lance smiled and started to speak before Keith shook his head. “Before you say anything…. Look at what’s under it.” 

Lance moved the book and realized there was something else underneath. 

A leatherbound journal with the image of a seashore, half receding foamy waves, half walked-on wet sand. “A journal….” 

Keith licked his lips and nodded. “I told you… you should write again. And I know you don’t want to right now, but if you ever do… I thought you might like a fresh journal. Where you could start wherever you wanted to. No old poems, no old writings at all, just… brand new for a new start. Whenever you’re ready.” Keith shrugged. “Maybe it’ll still be about her. Maybe not. But… me giving this to you is me trying to remind you that I’ll be okay with either. Whatever you want to create. I support you.” 

“Keith….” Lance stared at the journal and sat down on his bed. He traced a shaking finger over the cover. “It’s beautiful.” 

“That poem you read to me- you said it was about how much Neruda loved the sea and how it helped him write. You said you related to it. So I figured having it on the cover could remind you of that feeling.” Keith sat beside him. “Don’t feel pressured though. I know… it’s hard. I know poetry isn’t something you want to do yet. Still, a lot of people seem to miss your writing, and I think maybe you miss that part of you too. This journal will be waiting for the day you wanna use it.” 

“Oh, Keith….” The knot in his throat made it hard to try talking even if Lance knew what to say. Instead, he put the book and journal beside him and turned to hug Keith tightly.

“You’re not angry?” 

“No! No, of course not.” Lance hugged him tighter, his chin fitting perfectly against his shoulder. “A little sad. Because you’re right.” He pulled back. “I do miss writing. I remember whenever something I say sounds… like a poem. I’ve noticed it’s happened a lot when I’m with you. Or talking about you.” Keith blushed. “I’m terrified of it too. But thank you for these gifts. I haven’t read poetry in a while, and it’s… nice to know I have a journal to start fresh in.”

He swelled with affection when he thought about how much Keith put into these gifts. Researching the book, making the cover of a journal symbolic…. Lance had suffocated those parts of himself, and seeing Keith embrace them felt… like a symbol of hope. 

“Okay, my turn, I don’t… I don’t wanna cry so hold on.” Keith laughed as Lance tilted his face up to blink the tears away. “Okay. I also don’t know what you’ll think of my gift to you. But….” He shrugged and gestured at the bag Keith already had in his lap. 

Keith smiled and pushed the crinkly, decorative paper aside to stick his hand in and pull out whatever was inside. Lance watched nervously, gripping his own gifts in his hands to tether himself. 

He watched as Keith looked at the cover, familiarity smoothing his eyes over. "Stitch," he said with a chuckle. His hands traced the drawing of the little alien in the corner. "You drew this?" 

"Marco actually. He helped me. And Luis helped with the script." Keith's hand ghosted over the word  _ ohana.  _ "Open it."

Keith turned the cover and the first thing he saw was the photo of him with the woman from the adoption agency. "Where did you get this?" he whispered. 

"I had help. Keep looking…." 

Keith turned the pages, eyes scanning and hovering. The photo with his foster parents. The awkward family photos of their first dinner, first outing, all in which Keith wouldn't smile, just look at the camera nervously. Candids of him with Shiro or doing something around a house. Quotes from Lilo and Stitch decorated any free space on a page.

There were still gaps, which was what made Lance nervous. He wanted this to be a good thing, not something to remind Keith of what was missing. 

But Keith didn't say anything as he flipped through the pages, the memories. His graduation. Him in his dorm on his first day of college. More candids. 

Then the more recent ones with his foster parents and Karina. Lance watched Keith's face and saw a smile tug at his lips. Recent ones during dance rehearsal. Or with Kosmo. 

And finally the pictures with Lance. The booth, the ferris wheel, sleeping beside each other, lance making stupid faces while Keith was absorbed in a show. Keith laughed softly as he flipped through those. 

"You guys take a lot of photos when I'm not looking," he murmured. 

Lance bit his lip as Keith looked at a photo of himself laughing with Hunk and Pidge. He had Keith turn to the very back of the album. 

The iconic Lilo and Stitch quote was etched into the back by Luis' steady hand along with a little Stitch looking up at the words. 

"Ohana means family…." Keith sniffed ad he read the words aloud. 

"I know… there's stuff missing and you don't like pictures all the time, but…. I wanted to show you how many people care about you. I wanted you to have a place to keep the good memories, something to keep them more concrete than the bad ones." Lance kept his gaze down and took one of Keith's hands in his. "I know… you've felt alone or guarded for a lot of your life. Maybe it was true at one point. But it's not anymore. You matter to a lot of people. So many people care about you and…." Keith pulled Lance into a kiss. Lance didn't realize he was crying until he pulled back and opened his eyes. "Oh, Keith, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" 

"No, I'm not…." Keith scoffed and wiped at his eyes. "I'm not upset. I just…." He took a shaky breath and held the album to his chest. "It's crazy to think… about how much my life has changed." His expression crumpled as his eyes filled with more tears. "There was a time I thought no one would want me around for long. And this… is proof that it's not true. That I have people…. Thank you. Thank you so much, Lance." He leaned in to kiss him again and Lance cupped his face gently, brushing his tears away with a light stroke of his thumb. 

When he pulled away, Keith was still sniffing. While he hadn't cried much, his eyes were still red and glossy. An occasional rebel tear would manage to fall, only to be wiped away. 

"You can fill it with more memories. With the things you have on your corkboard."

Keith chuckled. "You saw those?" 

"Just our photos. The note you wrote behind it." 

Keith hummed and nodded. "I got really lucky with you," he whispered, looking Lance in the eye. "I really thought… I was ready to be on my own for the rest of my life. And then I met you, and I still thought I was gonna end up alone. But you're stubborn." 

Lance laughed and kissed his hands. "Good thing I was…. I thought I'd be on my own too. After Allura, I was so certain I'd never want anyone again. And then God put you in my path." Keith raised his eyebrows and Lance blushed. "Sorry. That was kind of weird to say, I-" 

"No, hey. No. It's just… you seemed a lot angrier with God before." Keith held his hand tightly, and gave him a smile. "You really think it was God that made us meet?" 

Lance bit his lip and thought back to heartbroken nights, filled with pain from losing the person he loved. He thought back to the times he missed her warmth, her touch. Of the girls he slept with to make that empty abyss in his heart a little smaller at least for a little while. 

He thought of his anger towards God and the frustration and confusion about being with Keith and being Catholic in his roots. 

Then he nodded. "Keith…. I was… adamant about never falling for someone again. I'd made my peace with the idea of being alone for the rest of my life. Nothing more than a one night stand, a friend with benefits. I can't help but think that meeting you when I'd finally decided to be okay with that was God's way of being smug and…." He scoffed. "I don't know. And yeah I was angry, but… you've made me happy. You brought me back to myself and helped me see that I could let someone in again, that my heart could beat for someone again. I don't feel lonely anymore. Or sad. And maybe that was what God wanted for me all along. Even when I was angry." 

Keith nodded and Lance wondered if talking about God would make him uncomfortable. He took a breath and pulled Lance's hand to his lips. "I didn't grow up religious. Too many different beliefs with different families. But I think your faith is beautiful. Even when you were angry and frustrated…. I don't know how to explain it, but I thought it was kind of incredible. That you could be angry with God. I just want to be sure… if God is important to you, will that lead to doubts with… with us?" Lance furrowed his eyebrows. "I don't know much about religion, but I know it doesn't tend to be fond of a relationship like… ours." 

Lance tried not to be distracted by the fact that Keith had called what they had a relationship. He took a breath and looked at their hands. How nicely they fit together. How steady he felt when he looked Keith in the eyes. The unadulterated affection that swelled in him when he had the chance to hold and kiss him. Pure emotions. 

He shook his head resolutely. "No doubts. My faith is still… a little rocky. But I want to believe I'll get it back. I do know, though, that there's no way what we have is bad in any sense. Not when it makes me feel this happy. I'm not ashamed of you. And I never will be. Like I said… God put us together for a reason. He made me capable of… feeling everything I feel for you for a reason. To be with you." 

Keith smiled and kissed his cheek with gentle lips. "Okay, sweetheart. But if anything… changes your mind or-" 

"I know. I'll tell you. But it won't happen.” Keith let out a little huff but nodded. “Do you need something to sleep in?” 

Keith shook his head. “I’ve got it. Ready for bed?” Lance nodded with a yawn. Keith chuckled and kissed his lips. 

He got up to grab his duffel bag, and Lance got up to place his new journal on his desk. He set it carefully along the corner, to remember to use it one day instead of letting it collect dust on the shelf. Then he put his new book on his nightstand before stripping down to his boxers and tossing on a light t-shirt to sleep in. He got into bed and opened the Pablo Neruda book, reading the first poem slowly. 

While he’d read a couple poems in class and had even read some of his own to Keith, reading ones from an actual book felt different. It felt like a muscle he had to stretch, taking pauses after each line break, reading the enjambments differently than the commas, catching the double meaning within full sentences versus single lines or separated stanzas. His brain was working to let it in again, to immerse him in the words and multi-task to discover meanings, to catch the symbolism, to find the right rhythm. 

The bed dipped slightly and Keith laid down beside him, wordlessly tracing a finger along his arm. Lance started to close the book and shift to lay down, but Keith said, “You don’t have to stop reading. I don’t mind the light.” 

“It’s okay. I’m tired too. I was just curious.” Keith hummed, but Lance just kissed him and placed the book on his bedside again. He turned off the light and snuggled next to Keith, finding his spot against his shoulder immediately. Soft lips grazed his forehead, and with the warmth of Keith’s arms around him, it was easy to find sleep. 


	21. Addiction

The sound of barking and panicked gasping woke him up. Keith opened his eyes, confused and disoriented. He reached out for the warmth that was supposed to be next to him, but it wasn’t there. He pulled himself out of bed, slowly coming to his senses. 

Lance was sitting on the edge of the bed, hunched into himself, shaking and breathing heavily. Beside him, Kosmo kept pawing at his back. 

“Baby? Hey, what happened?” Keith shuffled over to him, splaying his hand along his back. His shirt was soaked through. He kept whimpering, mumbling no over and over. As Keith wrapped his arm around him, Lance collapsed against him, burying himself in his chest. “Lance, sweetheart calm down,” Keith said in alarm and worry. “What happened?” 

Lance shook his head frantically, clinging to Keith. Kosmo barked and yipped anxiously. Keith tried to calm Kosmo down, but Lance’s state had evidently frightened him. 

“Okay, okay,” Keith murmured, holding him tightly. He began rocking him back and forth slowly, letting Lance cry himself out. The sobs would recede only to start again. They were filled with grief and the sound made Keith’s heart break. He felt a knot in his throat just hearing Lance sound this pained. 

After a while, Lance simply took a few shuddering breaths and his vice grip eased up. Keith pushed his fingers through cold, wet hair and kissed his forehead. “Talk to me,” he whispered. Lance sighed. “Was it a dream about Allura?” 

“No.” His voice was so soft, Keith barely caught the word. “It was about you.” He ran his hand up his arms to his face, cupping it gently in the darkness. Then he slid one hand down to his bare chest, right over Keith’s heart. He let out a shaky sigh and leaned his forehead against Keith’s. “I was stuck in a hospital. I kept going through the hallways, and I couldn’t- couldn’t-” His breaths sped up again and Keith wrapped his arms around him. “I was lost. And by the time I found you….” Lance’s tears began flowing again, as he let out mournful moans in denial. 

“Hey, I’m okay. I’m okay, pretty boy.” 

“It felt so real,” Lance said, his words melding together. “You were so cold a-and-”

Keith sighed and hugged him tightly. “Lance, I’m okay. I’m right here.” 

“But what if it ‘s like that dream I had about my mom? What if it’s… a warning? What if-”

“No, baby. I’m okay.” He grabbed Lance’s hands and kissed them. Then he placed them on his chest. “I’m here. Alive. Breathing. Warm. With you.” What was the right thing to say right now? It wasn’t like Lance’s fear was unfounded. He’d lost someone before. And Keith really couldn’t say he wouldn’t die tomorrow, because he could, and they both knew it. “Fuck. Sweetheart, tell me what to do. How can I make you feel better?” 

Lance shook his head and wiped his eyes. “I don’t know. God. Keith, I can’t lose you. I can’t lose you like I lost her, I can’t- I wouldn’t survive that-”

“I know. I know, baby.” Keith brushed away his tears and kissed him softly. “Let’s get you some water okay? We can watch TV in the living room to take your mind off the nightmare." Lance gulped and nodded. “Come on.” Kosmo jumped to the floor, whining and circling them nervously. 

Keith sat Lance down on the sofa and turned the TV on. He went to the kitchen and brought back a bottle of water. “This is a bad omen for the start of this semester,” Lance muttered, staring at the TV blankly. 

“No it isn’t.” Keith sat beside him and gave him the water. “This is normal. You know that right?” Lance scoffed. “I’m serious. You went through something horrible when Allura passed away. It makes sense.” 

Lance didn't answer. He stared at his water, still shaking slightly. Keith sat beside him and leaned against his shoulder. He wished he was better at this. At helping. He wished he could erase the fear, but how could he? It was a deeply rooted trauma and it had been part of Lance for a long time now. 

Keith still remembered nights before he knew about Allura when Lance would wake him up by thrashing or simply getting up out of bed to walk off nightmares he wouldn't want to talk about. He remembered once when Lance struggled to fall asleep on the couch, shortly after they'd met because of one. These fears had tormented Lance the whole time Keith had been with him. He just hadn't known it then.

"Lance…?" Lance hummed. It was a soft sound. Weak, and unlike him. It pained Keith to hear it. "Have you ever… thought of seeing someone? A therapist or… I don't know." 

The warmth beside him disappeared. "I'm sorry. I know it's a lot, I know you didn't sign up to deal with all this baggage. I-" 

"Whoa, what are you talking about?" Of all the reactions Keith thought might come from his question, that was not one of them. "Why are you apologizing? This isn't your fault. I'm not having to  _ deal  _ with anything." Lance shook his head hid his face in his hands. "Could you please look at me?" Keith asked softly. It took a moment but Lance eventually turned. "I didn't sign up for anything at all, remember? I planned… on this leading nowhere. And now we're here. With the cheesy one liners and the straight-out-of-romance-novels dates and the sleeping at each other's place. Which is all great. But it comes with this too. The hard stuff. The painful stuff. And…." Keith sighed and took his hands. "I've had stuff that weighed on me. Some still does sometimes. You've helped with that. I want to help you too, because I care. I just don't know how." 

Lance wiped his puffy eyes and ran his hand through his hair. "I went to one at first. I sort of scared everyone with… how I acted. I hated it though. The way he tried to pick my brain apart. The way he kept trying to rationalize and logic through her death. So I stopped and I just… tried to fix myself." He placed his hands back in Keith's. He looked like he was stealing himself. "It used to help to write. Pour into poems. Now that I'm not it just feels like… everything is emphasized and crazier and messy in my head. But I  _ can't-"  _

"I know. I know, baby." Keith pulled him in, wrapping his arms around him. "We'll figure this out. I'll do what it takes to help you, even if it means we stay cuddled up on my couch all day. I'll make that sacrifice if I must." 

Finally, there was a light chuckle coming from Lance. "How very honorable of you." 

Keith smiled and winked at him. "Anything for you." He kissed Lance gently then held him tighter when he shook with a residual broken breath. "You wanna go back to sleep?" Lance shook his head. "It's a good thing it's Sunday. We can spend all day watching movies." 

"Hey, if you want to go to sleep, go ahead. I'm sorry I woke you." Keith started to shake his head, but Lance stopped him. "Compromise? I'll watch TV, you cuddle up right here and go to sleep. That way I'm comforted by watching you sleep and breathe. But not… in a creepy way." 

A smile tugged at Keith's lips. "Sweetheart, you may have a gift with words, but nothing in the world could make that not creepy." Lance laughed again, and Keith figured he did okay in helping him calm down. He cupped his face and nudged their noses together. "But I like that compromise." 

Meanwhile, Kosmo kept pawing at Lance's leg and whining softly. Lance reached over to pet him which made Kosmo hesitantly place his paws along the couch. 

"Ah, ah, you know you're not allowed up here, buddy," Lance chided softly. 

"Aw, he's worried about you. I'll make an exception. Shiro is just gonna make me use the lint roller to get any fur off. Besides, I read a scholarly article that said dogs have therapeutic value for people." 

Lance chuckled and kissed his cheek. Then he turned to Kosmo and said, “You heard him. Come on, Kosmo.” The pup hopped onto the couch and immediately started licking Lance’s face. Keith laughed as they shifted to lay on the couch with Komso splayed over their legs. Lance’s arm wrapped around him tightly, his lips soft at the spot just behind his ear. “Go to sleep, mi principe.” 

Keith hummed and found it easy to fall back asleep.

When he woke up again, Lance was sleeping soundly behind him as the television played an episode of one of the many shows he bounced between. He yawned and searched for Kosmo before catching a glimpse of his tail by the dining table. Shiro was sitting down, eating cereal as he scrolled through his phone. Keith got out of Lance’s embrace, suddenly hungry as well. 

“Morning,” Shiro said. Keith could tell he was suppressing a smile. 

“Don’t be a dick.” 

“I didn’t do anything!” he protested. 

Keith rolled his eyes. “I can read you pretty well. You’re making fun.” 

Keith poured himself a bowl of cereal and sat with Shiro. After a moment, Shiro smiled and shook his head. “I’m not making fun. I just like seeing you happy. It’s different seeing you like this because I never did before Lance.” Keith stuffed his mouth with cereal, hoping Shiro didn’t catch his blush. “But, uh… why are you guys on the couch?” 

“Lance had a nightmare,” Keith said. “I brought him out here to calm him down.” 

Shiro nodded in understanding and glanced over at the couch. “Well, I’m going to Adam’s most of today. He’s throwing a party for his parents’ anniversary.”

“You guys remind me of an old married couple sometimes. You’re worse than Mom and Dad.” 

“Funny you should say that.” Keith furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Shiro. He slid a little black box across the table, and Keith nearly choked on his cereal. 

He stared at the box then at Shiro. He was biting his lip, waiting for Keith to look at what was inside. As if there were any doubt. “Are you… for real?” Shiro chuckled nervously and nodded. Keith opened the box and saw a thick silver band with a line of small diamonds around the middle. An infinity sign was engraved around two of the diamonds. “Shiro…. When did you get this? Why didn’t you tell me! When are you asking him? Oh my God, you’re gonna get married.” 

“Okay, calm down. You’re gonna freak me out.” Keith scoffed. “I got it a couple days ago. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but…. I haven’t told anyone. Okay, you’re still the first to know.” Keith smiled. “I want to take him to dinner next week. I want to take him to where we first met and… propose there. But he still has to say yes, so don’t go planning a wedding yet!” 

“Of course he’s gonna say yes, dumbass!” Keith exclaimed. “He loves you. You guys have been together for years. How could he not say yes?” 

Shiro smiled grabbed the little box again. “I love him so much, Keith. I can’t picture being with anyone else. I really fucking hope he says yes.” Keith smiled and thought back to those silly little fights over chocolate covered almonds, the way they could balance each other out, the way Adam had eventually made his way into Keith’s good graces and how happy that made Shiro. There was no possible way those two weren’t meant for each other. “I also wanted to ask you a favor.” 

“Yeah, anything, Shiro.” 

“Will you be my best man?” 

This time, Keith’s smile was even wider. “You fucking know it,” he answered. Then he got out of his seat to hug his brother. 

“Thank you, Keith.” Shiro smiled at him then took a deep breath. “Okay! I have to get going. I might end up spending the night at Adam’s because it’s closer, and I’m not sure how late this party will go. But don’t tell anyone about the ring.” 

“I’ll keep my lips sealed.”

In the time it took for Shiro to get ready, leave, and for Keith to take a quick shower, Lance still hadn’t woken up. Keith sat by him and ran his hand through his unruly hair. He looked so much more peaceful then. After placing a gentle kiss on his cheek, Keith took Kosmo to the backyard so he could run around a bit with a game of fetch. 

A little while later, the glass door opened, and Lance shuffled out, rubbing his eyes. 

“Hey, pretty boy.” 

“Something tells me I don’t look too pretty right now.” His voice was raspy, riddled with sleep, and it made Keith smile. 

Lance wrapped his arms around Keith and leaned into his back. Keith turned his head to kiss him. “You’re always pretty.” Lance snorted and took a deep breath. “Hungry? I have waffles inside. Or cereal. Or you can make those eggs you like.” 

“I’ll get some waffles in a bit. How long have you been out here?” 

“Uh, about fifteen minutes? I just wanted him to run a bit.” Keith turned in his arms and regarded him. “How are you feeling?” 

“Fine. The… nightmare is there, but if I don’t think about it, it fuzzes out. If I think about it, it’s just….” Keith frowned and tilted Lance’s chin up to kiss him. “Oh, babe, I haven’t brushed my teeth-”

Keith groaned and leaned into him. “You say that every morning after we stay with each other. And I still try to kiss you anyway.” 

“I know, I’m irresistible.” Keith laughed and settled for kissing his cheek. “I’m starving, so I’m gonna eat. I’ll see you inside.” 

Keith nodded and watched him walk back inside. He played with Kosmo for a while longer before going back inside. Lance was washing the dishes and humming along to music from his phone. His hair still stuck up in cute little tufts, and the long sleeved shirt he’d worn to sleep hugged his shoulders nicely. It made Keith’s heart flutter just seeing him there. Because Keith never imagined something like this for himself. 

“What are you staring at?” Lance asked with a little smirk. 

Keith shrugged and walked over to him, sliding his arms around Lance’s waist and resting his head on his shoulder. “Just wondering if you’ve brushed your teeth yet so you’ll let me kiss you.” 

Lance laughed and turned the water off. He dried his hands and pressed back against Keith. “Yes I did.” 

Keith turned him around by his waist with a quick spin that had Lance’s eyes widening before he pulled him into a kiss. 

He had no idea what it was about Lance’s kisses that always left him breathless and weak-kneed. He’d kissed plenty of people, more than he was proud of, more than he cared for. But those were all forgettable in light of these.

There was no hesitance in these. They were never rushed. Each kiss had Keith feeling wanted, no matter how often he’d already kissed him. 

Lance’s hands cupped his face as he pulled back from the kiss with a smile. “What’s gotten into you? You’re exceptionally touchy today.” Keith narrowed his eyes, pouting playfully. “I’m not saying I don’t like it.” 

Smiling, Keith shrugged and kissed him again. “I just like being with you.” And he was excited for his brother. “Plus, by doing this, I can distract you from everything else.” 

Lance’s smile faded a bit. “About that… I’m really sorry. I know you say I don’t have to be, but I am. I woke you up and I scared you and probably stressed you out because I never know what helps to get over nightmares it’s…. It sucks.” 

He wanted to contradict it. He wanted to tell Lance he really didn’t mind, that he was happy to be able to be there for someone the way Lance let him be there for him. Still, he knew that Lance would continue to apologize. He would continue to feel like he was a burden, and all Keith could do was try his best to show him that he wasn’t. 

“Well… again, I don’t mind. I choose to be here for you. In this nightmare and in any others you might have. No matter what or who they’re about. I’ll help in any way I can. And before we start going in circles about this,” he said as Lance started to protest, “I have an idea for a date for us. Shiro’s out with Adam all day today and he won’t be home till later. What do you say?” 

Lance hummed and wrapped his arms around him. “I say that sounds like the best way to spend my Sunday.” 

Keith kissed his cheek then ducked into the kitchen to pop some popcorn. Then he worked on setting the living room up so it resembled a mini theater. At least as best as he could on an impulse. Lance watched him bustle around with a smile on his face. 

When he was done, he pulled Lance to the couch and sat him down, showing off his crappy rendition of a movie theater."We can watch a movie or two then go eat somewhere. A little recreation of our first date." 

Lance's eyes softened. "I…. Oh my God, you really are as cheesy as me!" 

"Lance!" Keith grabbed a pillow and hit him, making Lance laugh and Kosmo bark. "Just choose a movie, asshole," he said with a playful roll of his eyes. Then he soothed the sting of his words with another kiss. 

As Lance searched for a movie, Keith brought their bowl of popcorn to the couch. Of course, Lance chose a cute romance. He always swore Veronica was the one who got him into the sappy movies, but Keith had a feeling Lance would've found them and loved them anyway. 

The movie played, and Keith wrapped his arms around Lance. About halfway through, Lance’s phone started ringing. “No phones allowed at the theater,” Keith whispered. 

Lance chuckled. “It’s my mom. Exception?” Keith smirked and nodded. He lowered the volume on the movie as Lance answered. “Hola, mami. Que paso?” 

Keith heard a woman’s voice very faintly because he was close enough to the phone, but it was all in Spanish, so he couldn’t understand. Lance answered in a mix of English and Spanish, so Keith only picked up on less than half of what he said. 

Unlike the time Lance had spoken to Veronica before telling her about Keith, he didn’t seem so tense. He reached back and idly ran his hands through the ends of Keith’s hair again and again, occasionally shifting to rest his head back against Keith’s shoulder. The one time Lance did tense was when Keith took a chance at pressing a single kiss to his exposed throat. He lightly swatted Keith’s face, causing him to stifle a laugh. 

When he hung up, Keith rested his chin on Lance’s shoulder. “How’s your mom?” 

“She’s good. She was calling to see if I was okay my first night back; she knows the loneliness can get to me. I told her I was feeling good.” Keith hummed. It was quiet for a bit, the movie playing softly in the background. “Keith? Would you… wanna meet my parents?” 

“What?” 

“Not immediately. Like… not right now. Just… whenever we decide we’re ready to be official…. Spring break is coming up. And we have Easter holidays. Even if we’re not official, you know? I want them to know about you. I want them to know you’re important.” Lance intertwined his hand with Keith’s. “It would be whenever you felt ready. I can ask my siblings to be with us just in case. Is that… something I can start planning on?” 

“Scale of one to ten- one being extremely homophobic and trying to pray the gay away and ten being throwing a coming out party and personal pride parade- how do they feel about people in the LGBT community?” 

Lance winced. “Uh. My mom’s maybe a six? My dad’s… a three or four probably….” Keith let out a nervous breath. “I know it’s a lot-”

“You can plan for it.” Lance’s eyebrows went up. “What? You could have told me they were a zero, and I would still tell you to plan for it. I just wanted to know what the deal is going in.” 

“Are you sure?” 

Keith sighed and shifted away from him so he could face him directly. “Lance, sweetheart, light of my life.” Lance turned bright red and covered his face, which made Keith smile. Oh how the tables have turned. “What’s it gonna take for you to get it through your head that you’re important to me? After all the things we’ve done differently, after everything we’ve gone through… don’t you believe me?” 

“Yes. Yes, I do,” he whispered. “I just….” He huffed and shrugged. Then he looked at Keith and smiled slowly. “It might be horrible. It might be great. But I know I want to do this. I’ll just have to ease them into it.” 

Keith leaned in and kissed him gently. “And you’ll have support from every direction.” 

Lance smiled and leaned against him with a sigh. “You’re amazing, you know that?” Keith didn’t respond to that. He just smiled and wrapped Lance up in his arms. He must have done something good at some point- miraculous even- to have Lance in his life. If he could go back and tell his fifteen year old self, his eighteen year old self, hell even just who he was a year ago that he would feel everything he felt now and have someone as amazing as Lance…. Well, granted his past selves would have laughed. Still… it’s a welcomed change. 

It was a little after one when they went to find somewhere to get lunch. Lance had been in the mood for fried rice so they chose a little hole in the wall place that was practically empty and smelled of cheap disinfectant cleaner. The food was delicious though, so Keith didn’t mind. 

“Can I ask you something kind of weird? But you have to be honest,” Lance said. 

Keith groaned. “I always get nervous when you say that because it’s usually something I don’t want to talk about or that makes you upset.” Lance winced and stuffed his mouth with an eggroll. Keith stared at him for a bit, blue eyes waiting on a response. He sighed in defeat and nodded. “Alright. What’s the question?” 

“Whenever you were with Roland-” Keith groaned. “I-I’m sorry! It’s just a… reasonable question, I think.” Keith huffed and nodded, taking another spoonful of food. “Well… did you fall in love with him?” 

Keith stopped chewing. He stared at Lance, wondering why he was asking that… while they were on a date. “Where did that come from?” 

Lance shrugged. “Just wondering. Well, no, not just that but… it’s hard to explain.” Keith raised an eyebrow. “I asked first. So you answer first.” 

With a roll of his eyes, he relented. “I guess…. Yeah. I thought I loved him. I was pretty sure of it. But if I’m honest, Lance, maybe I’ve never even been in love.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “I just think about the guys I’ve been with and it just doesn’t seem like that was love. And I was so sure it was when I was with them. You know, the guy in high school- I always said he was my everything, that I would die for him, that I loved him more than anything and…. But he treated me like shit. And now that I’m not fourteen, I look back and I know that wasn’t love. It was unhealthy, it was practically grooming, it was being a stupid impressionable kid.” 

“Yeah, but you were older when you met Roland. I mean, you knew better and Roland didn’t treat you like that, right?” 

Keith paused and poked at his food. There had been a time in the middle. A time in the middle where Keith thought he met the real Roland, the one who could have loved him, the one he felt he might have fallen in love with. Keith’s love for Roland had been the whole reason he bothered putting up with keeping their relationship a secret. It’s what led to such a long period of hatred. 

“That’s true. I guess if I ever have fallen in love… for real… then it might have been Roland. But we never said it. I don’t think he ever loved me anyway. I mean when you love someone you’re supposed to be willing to do anything right?” Lance mulled that over as he looked at his food. 

Then suddenly he said, “I thought you guys only dated for like a month.” 

Keith laughed and shook his head. “I mean, yes. But we were really close before that. Friends for a while. In retrospect, we were always much better friends than… not.” Lance huffed and ate some more. Keith waited before asking, “You wanna tell me why you asked that now?” 

It made him hesitate, but he nodded. “It’s just…. You know that I was in love with Allura. And I truly think it’s true that maybe part of you always loves that first love. It doesn’t diminish future loves or anything, but…. There’s always a part of you that’s gonna love that first one. I mean, Allura’s gone, and it’s something I think I’ve gotten better at coping with, and I know it’s something… you might always have in the back of your head too. So I just wondered… maybe you had a first love, and maybe your heart will always have a space for them. I just wondered if it was something we shared.” 

Keith took a deep breath and let it out slowly, subtly. He didn’t like talking about his past. He never had. He liked to keep it where it was- in the fucking past. Still, he knew Lance liked to wear his heart on his sleeve, especially after he confessed about Allura. 

“I don’t know. If I’m honest, I think part of me will always carry what… my high school boyfriend and I had. Because it was a lot of firsts for me. A lot of pain. Kind of… fucked with my head. I think I let him go when I vandalized the graffiti, but… that small voice is there in my head now and then. That’s not love though, that’s… emotional fuck-up stuff. As for Roland… I mean  _ now  _ that we talked and he’s changed, I can look back and sort of be a little more grateful about what we had. But I don’t think there’s any part of my heart that still beats for him. I don’t think there’s a part of me that loves him still. Like I said, at this point I don’t think that’s what it was. Maybe desperation not to be alone, to have someone.” Lance nodded and held Keith’s gaze for a while. “Can I ask a weird question now?” 

A familiar dimpled smile spread on Lance’s face. “Of course.” 

Keith steeled himself. He had a feeling he might not like the answer, but he wanted to know. He was curious, and frankly… he wanted to see if he could handle it. “What’s it like to be in love?” 

Lance’s expression fell. “Oh. Uh.” He grimaced. “You sure you want an answer?” 

“No. But I still need to hear it.” 

Lance hummed and set his plate aside. “Okay. Well, in my experience being in love… felt contradicting. Like I was strong and weak at the same time. When it came to Allura, it just felt right. It felt like she was a part of me I didn’t know I needed. Not like… a missing piece or like we completed each other just…. Like… okay, see my food?” Keith frowned. “Fried rice- fucking delicious, right? And then I have my eggroll, and while I don’t need it with my dinner, it- it works together and it’s better!” 

Keith laughed and shook his head. “You’re using Chinese food as a love analogy? The poet is out of practice.” 

Lance rolled his eyes and flipped him off, making Keith laugh harder. “It’s just hard to explain! I know that books and movies make it out to seem like you gotta find your missing half, but it’s not like that. I wasn’t dependent on her to be happy, she just made it easier. And it was all the little stuff that made me realize what I felt. The way she looked when she had to use reading glasses, the way she always furrowed her eyebrows while she read, the way she’d get angry when people didn’t turn on their signal light. I knew her like the back of my hand, Keith. I knew exactly when she was in pain and didn’t want to show it. I knew exactly when it’d been a rough day for her. I helped her through breathing exercises and went to doctor’s visits with her. And I know she loved me because I would get near maniacal when it came to my poems. And she put up with it. She reeled me back when I was too caught up in my head, and she read everything I gave her, and…. It just felt really easy to be myself. I wasn’t filtering myself or pretending. It was like I could-” 

The expression on Lance’s face made Keith tense. “What? Are you okay?” Lance looked… like he was in pain. And of course, he was. Keith had made him go down memory lane about his dead girlfriend. “I’m stupid for asking, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset, pretty boy-”

“I’m not,” he reassured softly. “I promise. It just… it’s hard to piece it together as well as I want to.” 

Keith nodded and took his hand over the table. All this talk about love made Keith nervous. Was Lance upset that they’d been “together” for way longer than he’d been with Roland and still not in love? Would Lance ever love him and if so how long would that take? How could Keith know for sure if he fell in love? Shiro was getting engaged soon. His parents had been together for a little over three decades and even though Keith came into their lives later, he could see how much they loved each other. 

It was such a vulnerable state. A terrifying one. One Keith yearned for and feared at the same time. But if there was anyone who could show him what it was like to love someone, he knew it would be Lance. It just had to be. 

He pressed Lance’s hand to his lips. “I like what we have,” he said softly. “We don’t really have a name for a lot of it, but it’s working. And we’ll keep taking it step by step. Yeah?” 

Lance smiled, his cheeks tinging slightly pink. “Yeah. Sounds perfect.” A distant rumble made them look out the windows of the restaurant. The sky which had been a normal cloudy gray was now menacing and dark. “We should get going. Driving in the rain makes me anxious.”

“Yeah, let’s just get the check. We should make it before the rain starts.”

Sure enough, they managed to make it to the house just before the rain really started coming down. Keith busied himself tidying up the living room so they could sit and watch something else without their mess from earlier making them feel like hermits. 

“I’m sorry, by the way,” he heard Lance say softly. He turned back to see him leaning against the counter. 

“For?” 

Lance shrugged. “For always bugging you about Roland. About before. It bothers you.” 

He couldn’t deny it. Not if he was being honest. He dropped the blanket he’d folded onto the arm of the couch and walked over to Lance. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer. “A bit. I don’t like to think about my past very much. I know it’s something we would have to talk about, though. I guess, I don’t mind as much when it comes to telling you. Don’t apologize.” He kissed him and smiled. “Besides all couples ask each other at some point who their past sexual partners were or you know in our case emotional-baggage partners.” Lance laughed and buried his face in Keith’s neck. 

That’s when Keith realized he actually… didn’t know anything about Lance’s past sex life. Except for the fact that he’d only been with girls, Lance had never told him about any of them or how many there were before Keith. He assumed Allura was one, but had anyone else mattered? 

“Why did you tense up?” Lance grumbled. He pulled back and raised an eyebrow at the expression on Keith’s face. “What? What is it?” 

Keith chuckled nervously and shook his head. “Just…. One more weird-ish question.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows, and that cute little crease between them made Keith’s heart stutter. “Um… well, I’ve told you about my past sex life. Kind of a gist of a first time and… an idea of… p-people, but….” Lance slowly pulled back a bit, his cheeks turning red. “I guess, I don’t know much about yours. I mean, I guess maybe it doesn’t matter, but also….” 

“But also you’re curious,” Lance said with a tiny smile. “Well today is just full of memory lanes, huh?” He sighed and leaned his head against Keith’s forehead. “I’ve been with maybe ten different girls. One was sort of a friend with benefits, so…. It was like we were each other’s stress reliever. Still, it’s more than I’m proud of. Allura always hated guys who just slept with whoever; she hated the idea of one night stands. Um, I cried after my first time out of guilt and regret and….” 

“Wait. What?” Keith pulled back and frowned.”Your first time… wasn’t Allura?” 

“No. We never had sex. We wanted to wait for marriage. Old tradition, but it mattered a lot to her, and like I said I was pretty religious, so it was something I wanted too. Then… she died and… my faith went out the window, and I was angry, and I figured I would never meet anyone I’d want to spend the rest of my life with anyway, so who cared?” Lance’s voice started to waver, and Keith picked up on it. Lance tried to stifle it, he could tell with the way he cleared his throat and blinked rapidly to refrain from crying. But Keith knew Lance. 

He knew that it was actually a big deal that Allura wasn’t his first, that his first wasn’t with someone he loved. Wordlessly, he pulled him to the couch and sat with him. 

“It’s fine,” he said in a voice that was very much not fine. “I was tired of mourning. I was sick of writing. I hated the way everyone kept saying I would ‘be back to my old self soon’ and that I’d love again. It felt demeaning. Like what I had with her hadn’t mattered. It was just a bump in the road and I was being burdensome for not feeling better faster and….” Lance sighed and leaned back on the couch to stare at the ceiling. “I went to a party, got tipsy enough to feel happier but not drunk enough to where I’d start crying again. Some girl was being super flirty. Touching up my arm, batting her eyes, not so subtly suggesting going to find a quiet place.” Keith expected to feel a burst of jealousy at the idea. But he just felt fear and sadness because he knew where it was going. He knew what it would do to Lance. “I just… I was so tired, Keith. I wanted to be normal. And normal guys slept with girls who offered, so….” He shrugged. “I left right after, I don’t even think I had my clothes on right, and I barely made it down the street in my car before I broke down. I cried so hard I almost threw up. I couldn’t get Allura’s face out of my head.” 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Keith murmured, pulling Lance back into his arms. Lance held him back just as tightly. He knew that feeling. He knew what it was like to feel so sickened after sex, so disgusted that you couldn’t get out of the body you were in, to get to the point of wanting to scratch your own skin off while knowing there was no going back. It was the last thing he would have wanted Lance to experience. “I shouldn’t have asked, I’m sorry.” 

“Hey….” Lance turned his head to look at him. “It’s okay. I’m okay. I mean, it was a mix of things you know. I don’t feel that way anymore. It wasn’t healthy, I know that.” Keith frowned as he thought back to how they’d met. Had Lance felt dirty with him? Had he been another unhealthy encounter at first? “Hey.” Lance pulled Keith’s chin toward him. “Stop thinking bad things.” 

“How do you know what I’m thinking?” 

“Because I know you. That look on your face tells me that you’re pulling away.” Keith frowned, and Lance tried to kiss it away. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I know what you’re gonna say.” Lance raised an eyebrow. Keith sighed and touched Lance’s face gently, wishing with all of his heart that he could put across the fact that his feelings had never been so pure and honest in his life. “When we met…?” 

Lance’s eyes widened slightly in understanding. “Mm. Like I’ve said before. It was never gonna be a one night stand. And before you ask again- I don’t know how I knew. I saw you and I wanted to be near you. I wanted to know you. Touch you. Nothing else was on my mind when we were together like that.” He pressed another kiss to Keith’s lips. “You drove me crazy then.” Another kiss, this time along his jaw. “And you drive me crazy now.” He ran his fingers through Keith’s unruly hair. “I’d stopped feeling so shitty about having sex well before meeting you. And if you must know-” Lance’s lips were warm against Keith’s ear, making him shudder. “You’re the best I’ve ever had.” Keith felt himself turn bright red, a mix of being embarrassed, shock, and yes, a tiny bit turned on. 

He cleared his head, trying to reel back to their very serious conversation. “It’s okay if-” His train of thought derailed at the hard press of Lance’s lips on his own. “Lan-” Lance’s hands settled at the nape of his neck, pulling him in and refusing to let him pull back enough to speak. “This was- s’posed to- mm- serious.” His words were muffled by Lance’s insistent kiss. 

“Stop talking,” Lance said with a chuckle. 

“But-”

Lance pulled back and covered Keith’s mouth. “I know there wasn’t a lot of emotion the first time we were together. The first few times maybe. Because you didn’t believe me and because I didn’t know you. Yes, we were very run by physical instinct, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t good. And everything outside of that, our dates and the way I got to know you better, the way we started opening up to each other…. All of that has led to what we have now. Like you said, this unnamed thing that works. Sex with you now feels like it was always meant to. Whole and vulnerable and full of trust and affection and nothing about touching you has ever or could ever make me feel dirty or wrong for it. And I will prove it right now if you want me to. Right here, on this couch, I swear I will.” 

Keith finally felt his tension melt away as he laughed, looking into wide, and very serious ocean eyes. “Maybe… not on this couch because my brother sits here and I’m classier than him, but… if you want to prove yourself, I’m not going to deprive you of the opportunity in my bedroom.” 

Lance smirked and raised his eyebrows. Without another word, he threw himself over Keith, toppling him against the couch and causing Kosmo to bark in alarm. He pulled himself up on his arms and looked down at Keith with a playful expression. “You dirty minded boy, I was just gonna cuddle you.” Keith blushed and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Ha. I can still make you blush.” 

Keith rolled his eyes. He reached up to touch Lance’s face, brushing the pads of his fingers lightly against his cheek. Lance’s playful, teasing smile softened into a peaceful one. “I’m so lucky I have you,” Keith whispered. 

The reaction was immediate. Lance’s face turned bright red and his weight collapsed onto Keith as he hid his face and grumbled into his shirt. “Not fair.” Keith chuckled and ran his fingers through Lance’s hair. After a few moments of silence, Lance tilted his head up slightly, breaths warm against Keith’s neck. He hummed contentedly as he traced a finger along Keith’s jaw. 

For a while, all Keith could hear was the heavy fall of rain outside and Lance’s soft breaths. 

The silence was broken when Lance suddenly said, “Y'know, I used to love going out in the rain when I was little. My mom didn’t like letting us get wet because she said it was more laundry to wash, but now and then she’d be in a good mood and say it was fine. So me and my siblings would all run out into the rain, and play tag or something. Now when it rains, I like to think of those days. How fun it felt to ‘break the rules.’” 

“Well, what’s stopping you now?” Keith asked. Lance shrugged. “Let’s do it. Let’s run out into the rain.” 

Lance laughed and pulled himself up to look at him. “We’re gonna freeze.” 

“Well, I’ve got a shower with warm water and lots of hoodies and blankets in my room. You’re an adult. It doesn’t have to be forbidden to run out in the rain if you feel like it.” Lance still seemed hesitant, so Keith sighed and sat up. “Also… I have a confession. But you can’t laugh at me.” Lance frowned. “I’ve always wanted a kiss in the rain.” 

Lance’s eyebrows went up, the amusement clear in his eyes. “ _ No way.”  _ Keith scowled. “Oh my God, are you serious? You- oh my God.” 

“I said you couldn’t laugh!” 

“But-” Lance took his face in his hands. “Oh my God, you’re as much of a hopeless romantic as me!” Keith narrowed his eyes, but Lance simply kissed the expression away. “I mean I can’t say no to that, can I?” he said with newfound determination. He stood up and took Keith’s hand, yanking him up. 

Keith followed him to the sliding door and looked at the backyard. “After you,” he said with a smirk. Lance rolled his eyes and slid the glass door aside. Keith left Kosmo inside as he stepped out too. Even under the little roof blocking the patio, sprays of rainwater managed to bite at their skin. “So maybe it was a bad idea.” 

“Nope. We’ve come this far. We’re not backing down now.” Keith looked over at Lance, ready to laugh, but… Lance seemed to be completely serious. There was an expression in his eyes that told Keith Lance would not be going back inside until he was soaked in icy rain, and he was pretty sure it was the pride of an inner ten year old. “This was your idea, and if you leave me alone in this, I will always hold it against you.” 

Keith grunted pulled his hood up. “Fine. Count of three?” Lance slipped his hand into Keith’s. “One… Tw- Whoa!” Lance ran into the rain with a whoop, hualing Keith with him. “Fuck! It’s so cold!” Keith shouted. Lance kept whooping and jumping around, clearly regretting everything, but he laughed through it. He laughed in an adorable, anxious way that had Keith joining in as they shivered beneath dark gray clouds and hard drops of freezing water. 

“Maybe if we run, it won’t feel so cold,” Lance suggested. He was already doused. His sweatshirt became five shades darker, his hair matted against his skull and fell into his eyes, no longer quiffed up and fluffy. His eyes looked impossibly bluer against the gray tinge in their surroundings. “Keith?” 

“Yeah! Sure, let’s try it!” he called back. “But you’re it!” Keith shoved him back, leaving him to fall on his ass as he ran the other way. Lance cursed and started after him, chasing him around the shed, back and forth around one of the trees, and all around the perimeter of the backyard. 

Eventually, Lance managed to catch Keith by surprise near the shed and wrapped his arms around his middle, tackling him to the ground. The fall made Keith yelp, and he groaned when Lance’s weight fell on him, then dissolved into laughter. 

“I d-don’t think it’s wo-working,” Keith said, unable to keep his teeth from chattering. He could feel the cold seeping into his bones. He couldn’t feel his fingers. 

“Uh-uh,” Lance agreed. His lower lip was trembling, taking on a gray-blue tinge. His cheeks and nose were red, and drops of water fell onto Keith from Lance’s hair and face. “Th-this was a bad-d idea,” he said with a laugh. “But I p-promised… a kiss in the rain.” 

Before Keith could have the sense to laugh, or whatever he could call the weird shaky, cold noise he was capable of making, Lance leaned down and pressed their lips together. 

It wasn't a dream kiss. Not with both of them freezing and wet and stiff. But it still made a burst of warmth bloom through Keith's chest because however awkward the kiss might have been, it was okay with Lance. Awkwardness was okay, and that was a freedom Keith had never felt with anyone before. 

Keith laughed and grabbed Lance's face with numb fingers. "We need to get inside, sweetheart." 

Lance nodded. "Yes please." They scrambled up from the ground and hurried to the glass door, stumbling inside. The warmth was as suffocating as it was relieving, hitting them at all at once. Kosmo pounced on them, then ran the other way as soon as his paw touched wet jeans. "So this warm water shower you mentioned… any chance we could turn that into a warm water bath for two? You know. To conserve water. And keep each other from getting sick." 

"I would be up for a shared bath… for purely ecological and health reasons," Keith agreed with a smirk. Lance nodded seriously, the mirth glinting in his eyes. "It's only sensible. Come on before we leave puddles everywhere." Lance laughed and tiptoed behind him as they went into the bathroom. 

Keith ran the water, letting it get warm before putting the stopper. His fingers were so cold that even the regular tap water felt hot against them. When he turned, Lance was already shirtless, clothes in a wet pile near the door. 

As he shuffled out of his jeans, he quirked an eyebrow. "Am I the only one undressing?" 

Keith let his gaze skim along Lance's legs as he stepped out of his jeans and boxers. "No. But I'm enjoying the view." 

Lance rolled his eyes and walked over to him, tugging his shirt up without gentleness. "You're clothes are freezing and soaking, stop flirting and start stripping, you dumbass." 

Keith laughed, grunting a bit as he struggled to free his arms. He threw the clothes in the same pile as Lance's. Meanwhile, he heard a light splash as Lance stepped into the tub, hissing through his teeth as the water enveloped him. Keith finished undressing and followed suit, sitting on the other side of the tub. 

"Today was really great," Lance whispered. "Thank you." Keith smiled and let his hand float forward until Lance took it, intertwining their fingers. He tugged lightly until Keith was sliding forward and kissed him softly. 

Keith hummed happily, cupping his cold face with a warm hand. Lance smiled and shifted him so Keith's back was pressed to his chest. His arms wrapped around him and his lips pressed chaste kisses along his shoulder. Keith let his head rest back against Lance's shoulder as their legs tangled in the water. 

"What do we do if Shiro gets back and sees us in here?" Lance mumbled softly. 

Keith laughed. "For one, he said he might stay over at Adam's. They're having a party for Adam's parents and-" 

"Oh, they're Hispanic too, so that party is going till morning," Lance said. 

"Yeah, it wouldn't be the first time. Plus even if Shiro did come home, it'd just be payback." 

"Mm. Yeah, about that. The comment you made earlier about being classier than Shiro-" 

"Was I alluding to the fact that he and Adam have fucked on that couch? Yes, I was." 

Lance groaned and buried his face in Keith's hair. "No! I sit on the couch! I've laid on that couch! Keith! Why didn't you tell me before?" 

Keith laughed and splashed his face playfully. "Because they use a blanket. At least the two times I walked in on it." Lance shivered. "You would think that my walking in would have made them stop or embarrassed them, but nope. Shiro just yelled at me to get out the first time and then the second time I didn't even fully close the door before I was rushing right back out." 

"Oh my God. Shameless." Keith laughed. "Well in that case, we're pretty tame in comparison. I'm almost embarrassed." 

That made Keith laugh harder. "Oh, pretty boy. I got some of my revenge the first time we had sex. Shiro had been looking for me and was gonna check my room, but he heard us, remember? I at least had the decency to be a little embarrassed when he mentioned it." Lance laughed and settled his chin on Keith's shoulder. "So no worries. There won't be any judgement here because those two are in no place to judge." 

"Noted," Lance whispered as his arms tightened around Keith's torso. 

Keith basked in the silence and warmth for a bit, smiling each time Lance decided to kiss his shoulder or neck or spine. 

"Are you excited? You graduate this semester." 

Keith hummed and nodded. "Yeah. But… I don't really know what's next. I was actually thinking about grad school." Lance made a surprised little sound. "Masters in social work," Keith clarified. 

"Wow. Social work? What… I mean, for the amount of time we talk about our past we don't talk about the future much…. What do you wanna do?" 

"I wanna work with the foster care system. I know I had a rough past, and yeah, it sucked bouncing around so much, but… that was never Lydia's fault. She worked hard to get me good homes. And without someone like her, I could've ended up in worse situations. I want to be that someone for another kid."

Lance twirled Keith's hair between his fingers. "That takes a lot of strength, principe…. Going back to a place that… holds a lot of pain for you." Keith shrugged. Lance's arms tightened, and he pressed a firm kiss to Keith's cheek. "You know… that's part of why I like you so much," he murmured. 

Keith frowned. "Because I'm… a masochist?" he joked. Lance pinched his side. "Hey!" 

"I  _ meant  _ because you don't let your past define who you are. You don't… use it as an excuse or something. And it takes strength to let it still be part of a better future for yourself in a different way. It's admirable." 

The words left him blushing. He reached for the shampoo and moved to face Lance again. He didn't speak until he'd started building bubbly foam into Lance's hair. "Thank you. For seeing the best in me." Lance smiled, keeping his eyes shut tight. "What about you? Do you have plans for after graduation?" 

The change was immediate. The smile dropped. His shoulders tensed. He didn't respond. Keith continued lathering his hair, waiting. Even if it was just a no. As his fingers eased into a gentle massage, Lance shrugged. 

"I used to have a plan. A very elaborate one, courtesy of…." Keith couldn't deny the twinge of… something bitter when Lance trailed off. But he ignored it and hummed, assuring him that he could say her name. "... Allura," he breathed out. "She liked planning. I was going to have a manuscript for a poetry book to send out to literary agents starting last summer. And I would have been part of the literary journals on campus for experience so I could start my own within a year. The dream was to become a big name poet like Shel Silverstein, Terrance Hayes, Rupi Kaur…." 

Keith cupped water in his hands to rinse Lance's hair out. "Is that still something you want?" The quiet stretched out again. "Let me know if you want me to stop asking things…." 

"No, it's okay. I just…. I really don't know. My life revolved around my writing. I wanted to branch out into fiction and maybe even do a project where I can make short films based off poems instead of short stories. I wanted to experiment with songwriting. I wanted to publish poems in magazines and journals until I could get a manuscript together. I wanted to compile a manuscript of poems from when I was younger for little kids. There was so much…." Keith's stomach turned when Lance's voice wavered. Why did he always ask the things that made him cry? "I don't think it's gone though." He splashed his face with water and opened his eyes. "I talk about it and realize how much I still want it. I just don't know if I'll be able to do it. Not because of skill or anything, but…." 

"Because you don't know if you'll even write again." Lance nodded, eyes downcast. "You know, if you don't write, you can still keep writing as part of you. Become a teacher or something like that. Maybe even be an editor for others."

"Maybe. Those are good ideas." Keith pursed his lips. He knew Lance was just trying to move past the topic. "Don't look at me like that. Here, your turn." He squeezed a glob of shampoo into his hand and plopped it onto Keith's hair. 

"I told you to tell me if you wanted me to shut up." 

"You're just trying to help. And I appreciate that." 

"But you want me to shut up." 

Lance sighed and put his soapy hands on either side of Keith's face. "But I want to drop that particular conversation." Keith grumbled at the squish of his cheeks. "What other future stuff do you wanna talk about? Dream house? Dream honeymoon? New places to visit if we had Jeff Bezos' profits and no student debt?" 

Keith chuckled and let himself relax as Lance's fingers coursed through his hair. "Actually, I kind of like what's happening in the present." 

Lance mused over that for a second. "Yeah. Me too. Also- you have troll hair now." 

"Lance!" 

\---

The two of them faced each other in bed, their fingers playfully tangling and untangling. 

"I have old man hands," Lance said with a laugh. "It freaks me out." 

"Me too." Keith wiggled his fingers and then interlocked them with Lance's again. 

"Aw, that's what our hands would look like if we grow old together!" Keith's eyes went wide and Lance grimaced almost immediately. "Ah, shit. I'm sorry. That was a little weird." 

Keith bit his lip and looked at their hands. "Hmm…. No. It wasn't weird. Just weird to think about." Lance furrowed his eyebrows as a rosy blush blossomed across his cheeks. "I guess… I mean…. You know. Like, a couple months ago, the idea of that would've made me roll my eyes or something. But now… when you said it… I guess I realized it's actually a possibility. And that's…." 

Lance smiled as Keith struggled to find the words. He leaned forward and kissed him softly, cuddling closer to him. "Yeah. I know what you mean." 

Their foreheads rested against each other's. Keith's heart began to pound in his chest as he looked at Lance's serene expression. Outside, the rain continued to patter against the window with an occasional crack of thunder. 

Sometimes Keith really couldn't believe that this blue eyed boy with his sideways grin was his. That his heart had allowed all the walls to collapse to let him in. That Lance wanted to be with him just as much, and how he showed Keith that any chance he could. 

"Stop staring, weirdo," Lance grumbled, his eyes shut and the ghost of a smile on his lips. 

Keith responded by pulling him in closer and kissing him. No gentleness about it, no softness. Just unadulterated need and want and a desire to show the intensity of his affection, the intensity of his heartbeat. 

When Lance returned the kiss with equal fervor, Keith let out a soft little moan. He tugged at Lance's side to pull him closer until he was practically settled over him. Keith felt a warm hand turn his face away, and then Lance's lips were at his neck. He could feel the swirl of a tongue, the light suction, the soft graze of teeth and it had Keith arching into him. 

"So sensitive," Lance murmured. 

"We haven't done this in a while," Keith muttered, wanting to defend his eagerness. In all honesty, he just always wanted Lance to touch him. Lance simply hummed in response and continued to attack his neck. 

He could feel himself unraveling, the way he became completely pliant under Lance's mouth. Impatiently, Keith tugged him by his waist until Lance was straddling him as he decorated his throat. 

"You know we've never fucked in here since that first time," Lance whispered. It was a tiny bit embarrassing how quickly Keith's body responded to that. "I still remember how crazy you drove me when you rode me." 

Keith smirked and let his hands make their way under Lance's shirt. "If you want a refresher though… I wouldn't mind helping out." 

Lance laughed and pulled himself up to kiss Keith on the lips. "Hmm. Actually, I was wondering if I could return the favor?" Keith gulped, his brain already concocting the image in his mind. “Well, someone seems to like that idea,” Lance said with a please, amused chuckle. “I don’t recall you being so quick to excite.” 

It was true. Keith usually had a decent grip on his reactions, but with Lance, all that control went out the window. It was easy for Lance to get to him, easy for him to rile Keith up. Lance could ask for anything at moments like this, and Keith would find a way to give it to him. A kiss? A pet name? The stars? The moon? The universe itself? Done. 

“You can do whatever you want,” Keith whispered. Lance’s smug little smirk softened into an adoring smile. One that mirrored his own. Maybe that’s why Keith felt so at ease being completely in Lance’s hands; he knew it was a reciprocated feeling. Knew that in that moment, he could ask for anything and Lance would do anything to give it to him too. 

Keith let his fingers trace along Lance's lips before cupping his jaw and pulling him into a soft, lazy kiss. He just wanted to pour all of his affection into it.

If he was honest, there was some guilt about not renewing his offer for becoming official. He very much wanted to be, of course. But they'd stayed it before- being this nameless thing worked. It hadn't been long since Lance told Keith about Allura, and they'd been apart for a lot of that. Keith still didn't trust himself to say or do the right thing when Lance needed it. Being a boyfriend would bring those expectations. 

"Hey," Lance murmured against his lips. "Stay with me, príncipe." 

Keith nodded, shoving those thoughts and worries to the back of his head. He decided to focus entirely on Lance, on voicing everything he didn't know how to put into words. Tonight, he would worship every part of this beautiful person, he would give himself over entirely and cherish anything and everything Lance have him. 

Lance made a cute sound of surprise when Keith flipped them over then laughed as Keith blew raspberries against his neck. 

"Relax. Let me take care of you," Keith said softly. He took Lance's hand and kissed his wrist, his palm, then each fingertip.

Lance sighed, shutting his eyes contentedly as he nodded and smiled. He fidgeted for a second to get comfortable and Keith smiled back down at him. 

He shifted down to pull away the pajama bottoms he'd let Lance borrow, pressing a kiss to each section of revealed golden brown skin. One of the many things that fascinated Keith about Lance's legs was the way an occasional little freckle decorated them. A tiny spot the color of a chocolate chip on the side of his hip, just behind his knee, on his ankle, two right next to each other on the inside of one of his thighs. 

He kissed each one, letting his hands graze over the skin. Keith pulled himself up and found Lance blushing scarlet, half hiding under a sleeve of his sweater. "What is it?" Keith asked in amusement. 

Lance shrugged and moved his arm to peek at him. "I dunno. Something." Keith raised an eyebrow. "You still make me nervous," Lance admitted. Keith's smile faltered and Lance immediately tried to clarify. "No, it's not bad! I just…. I'm not used to…." He plopped his arm back over his eyes and muttered, "I'm still not used to being the focus like this. And it makes me a little self conscious." 

"Do you like being the focus? Doing it this way? Because it's okay if you don't. Tell me if it's too uncomfortable or something you can't get used to-" 

"I didn't say that!" he exclaimed, unshielding his face. "I… I do like it. I just feel nervous because… I don't know. I really want to be good for you so you can enjoy it as much and… I don't know. But I do like when we do it this way. I swear." 

Keith smiled down at him, recalling clearly the way Lance had acted the very first time. How Keith had misinterpreted his nervousness as hesitance about being with a guy when Lance just wanted to do things right and make sure Keith felt good. Now, it was easier to believe. 

"What?" Lance asked suspiciously. 

Keith smiled and shrugged. "You… make me speechless sometimes." Lance groaned and covered his face. “Hey,” Keith whined. Lance grumbled. “Lance,” Keith said in a sing-song voice. Lance pouted his lip. “Pretty boy look at me…. Come on, sweetheart.” 

"Well that's just not fair," Lance said as he put his arm back down. 

Keith smiled widely when baby blue eyes met his. He used one hand to drape Lance's arms over his shoulders. "I'll make sure this becomes something you get used to. Because you deserve it." Keith kissed him softly and skimmed his lips down to his neck. A perfect place to hide his blush as he spoke. "I wanna worship every part of you until I know your body better than my own," he whispered. 

"O-oh my-" Lance pushed his hands into Keith's hair. "That's simultaneously super sweet and a huge turn on, Keith don't play with me like this." 

Keith smiled and nipped his skin playfully. He sat up and tugged his shirt over his head, shaking his hair out to make Lance laugh. Warm fingers slid down his chest then Lance's palms spread against his stomach. Keith let out a soft breath before taking Lance's hands in his own. 

"You keeping this on or not?" Keith asked, tugging the sweater Lance had on. 

"Mm. The tone of your voice makes me wonder if I should keep it on…." He raised an eyebrow and flashed a cocky smile. "You like seeing me in your clothes?" 

Keith shrugged and pushed their interlocked hands under the sweater. "Maybe. This color looks nice on you." He wasn't sure what it was about the maroon hue that complimented his brown skin, or the black design that seemed so intriguing when worn by Lance who rarely wore black. And then of course the fact that it was his clothes and he'd noticed that each time Lance covered his face, he was also deeply breathing in the scent of the fabric. "Yes. I absolutely love seeing you in my clothes," Keith amended. 

Lance's smile turned into a dangerous smirk. "I'll keep it on. If you don't mind it getting dirty, of course." 

Keith only responded by kissing him again, a little more forcefully. He realized how pent up his body felt only now when the slightest shift in Lance's tone made him dizzy and made him twitch in his shorts and every touch made him a little more breathless and, fuck. Who could blame him? He hadn't gone this long without sex in a long time and frankly, he hadn't gone without Lance for so long since they'd met. 

The realization ignited something feral and desperate inside of him. Keith was suddenly frantic, needing every possible skin to skin contact he could get. 

Lance let out a breathy moan when Keith pressed himself between his legs, dragging his hips up. Long, brown legs spread on either side of Keith, hands pressed against his hips, guiding his movements. Keith tugged on Lance’s lower lip and watched the way his eyebrows knit together, the way his eyes glazed over with want. 

He pressed closer to Lance, fitting snugly into the crook of his neck. Lance’s arms came up around him, fingernails digging into the flesh on his back. Keith let out a broken moan and dragged his hips faster against Lance’s. A surprised, “fuck” fell from Lance’s lips before his hands were insistently shoving Keith’s shorts down. Neither of them had enough sense to stop, so Lance had to use his feet to tug them lower, at least to his knees. Meanwhile Keith dedicated himself to leaving hickeys against his throat, desperate to make Lance’s noises louder. 

The heat spread along his body was drawn to the pit of his stomach, tightening, swirling, growing hotter and brighter. When Lance bit down on his shoulder, Keith let out a surprised yelp. His hips stuttered to a stop as the fire exploded, leaving him breathless. 

“That’s gotta be a record,” Lance said cheekily. His voice was soft, teasing.

“Shut the fuck up, I missed you, okay?” Keith grumbled. He lifted his head and scowled at the amused smile on Lance’s face. “Stop laughing at me or I won’t finish you off.” 

“I can do that myself.” 

Keith’s eyebrows went up and he shrugged. “Fine.” He started to move off of him, but Lance trapped him with his legs and arms around him. 

“No, no, no, I was kidding, no please,” he said with a laugh. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.” Keith grunted. Lance placed one hand over his chest and the other stretched up over him against the pillow. His eyes sparkled as he tilted his head and said, “It’s way,  _ way  _ better when you do it.” 

Keith gulped as he looked down at Lance. He knew exactly was his little devil was doing, clasping the end of his sleeve between his teeth, stretching and squirming to huddle into the sweater while giving Keith a pleading, sultry gaze. 

He realized then that Lance truly had him in the palm of his hand. Keith grabbed him by the hips and shoved him up the bed before grasping his briefs and tugging them down unceremoniously. Lance made a surprised noise and Keith snapped himself back into the moment. He blushed and traced his fingers over the light, red mark that was already fading where the fabric had scraped Lance’s skin. 

“Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” 

Lance tilted his chin back up to look at him. He raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t mean to what? It didn’t hurt.” 

“I don’t want to get carried away.” 

Lance smiled and shrugged. "I don't mind it. It's kind of hot." Keith grimaced and hummed uncertainly. Lance caressed his cheek, the playfulness in his eyes dissipating. "What's going through your head, mi vida?" 

Keith sighed and took the hand touching his face. He pressed Lance's palm to his lips and shut his eyes. "I don't… wanna do things all rough and messy with you. I don't ever want sex with you to be like it was with… everyone else." 

Lance pulled his hand away and cupped Keith's face. "Hey. It's never gonna be like that with us.  _ Ever."  _ There was a fervor in his voice. "Those guys didn't care about you. I do. We care about each other and that trust will make anything we do special. We can be rough and crazy and playful and kinky as shit all we want because underneath it all we know each other." Keith laughed weakly. Lance smiled a bit and leaned forward to kiss him. "Rough doesn't mean careless. It doesn't mean painful." Their noses bumped together, and Keith closed his eyes. 

He knew Lance was right. He would never be so carelessly rough that he'd leave Lance in pain or let him feel used in any way. And he knew that when it was reversed, Lance would always be careful and attentive to when things needed to go slower versus when they could get a little crazier. He'd just gotten so used to slow, passionate nights with Lance, that he was scared of attributing the past with him if they changed that. 

"It makes sense when you say it," he whispered. "But… for tonight… I do want to be gentle. Can we test the waters another time?" 

Lance gave him a goofy grin. "Of course. Rock my boat another night." 

"Oh, Jesus, okay, we're going to sleep now," Keith said in exasperation. 

Lance let out a loud, full laugh, followed by grabbing Keith's shoulders adamantly. "No, no, no, come on!" 

Keith laughed and shook his head. "You're ridiculous." 

"Still got you to fall for me though," he responded smugly. 

Keith rolled his eyes, but smiled fondly at him. "Mm. Yeah, you did." He kissed him, gently pushing him back against the pillows as he did. He took Lance’s hand, interlocking their fingers as he shifted back down. He kissed the light scrape left behind apologetically and peppered kisses along his hip. Lance made a soft sound as Keith wrapped his other hand around his length. 

His movements were slow, simply building a steady rhythm with light pressure. He could feel Lance’s stomach rise and fall with each breath he took, the way they slowly but surely became shallower. His hand tightened around Keith’s when he nosed at the base and kissed up to the tip. Then Lance was squirming, his legs were restless and his free hand kept trying to grasp at different sections of the bedspread. “So sensitive,” Keith teased. He looked up to gauge his expression only to find Lance blushing and biting his lip so hard, Keith thought he might draw blood. 

One of Keith’s favorite things when he was with Lance like this was hearing the way he slowly came apart. The way his breaths sped up and the way he mumbled half words, too wrapped up in the feeling of Keith’s mouth around him to be coherent. And mostly, the way his name sounded when it fell from Lance’s lips. Like an incantation. Like a song. Like a prayer. Like a poem. 

Each sound made Keith strive to do more, to be better. Lance squeezed his hand and started arching off the bed. His free hand finally settled in Keith’s hair, tugging and making Keith’s scalp sting wonderfully. Keith worked his tongue around the hot length in his mouth and sucked his cheeks in, bobbing his head up and down as he tried to keep his throat relaxed. 

“Shit- ay- K-Keith, fuckfuckfuckfuck, cara-  _ hng-!”  _ Words Keith didn’t know started to slip through the way they tended to when Lance was very distracted. 

Even when his mouth filled, Keith didn't stop. Lance let go of his hair, settling for running a shaky hand along his cheek, pushing his hair back. 

“A-ah… Easy, principe," he croaked, voice broken. Keith slowed his ministrations down to tender licks and kisses as Lance collapsed against the bed. “Fuck.” Keith smiled to himself as Lance caught his breath. 

Their hands remained interlocked as he peppered the inside of his thighs with kisses. He trailed them lightly up to his stomach, nipping occasionally because it made Lance grumble adorably. With his free hand, he traced light patterns along his skin, pushing under the sweater to feel the way Lance’s heartbeat spread through his body. He felt Lance tug at his hand to get his attention. He looked up and found tired blue eyes on him, a small smile on his face. 

“C’mere,” he mumbled. Keith pulled himself up and slotted himself beside Lance, scooping him into his arms. “I’m so happy I found you….” Keith’s breaths hitched, and he buried his face into Lance’s damp hair. 

“Sweetheart….” 

“I mean it. With all my heart.” 

“I know.” Keith kissed the spot under Lance’s ear and brought a hand up to trace his finger over Lance’s cheek. He gulped, his heart pounding as he trailed his nose along the side of Lance’s neck. “I’d do anything for you, Lance,” he said, half hoping he’d been too quiet for Lance to hear him. 

It was true, and that terrified him. Still, if Keith was going to feel that fear, he didn’t mind that it was with Lance. In his arms, Lance relaxed. He grabbed Keith’s hands and pulled them up under his chest, cradling them. 

He turned and cuddled into Keith’s chest. It seemed like he was trying to say something, but Keith wasn’t sure what. His eyes kept scanning Keith’s face, and honestly it freaked him out a bit. He looked like he was about to break down, and that was a very different reaction than what they’d been doing a couple minutes before. 

Then Lance took his face in his hands and just kissed him. It was a messy, frantic kiss, the kind that left Keith breathless and dizzy and itching to remove all possible space between them.

He pulled him in by the small of his back and splayed his hand over his hipbone, fingers digging into the flesh of his legs. Lance pulled back from the kiss, face scrunched up in a mix of emotions. His lips were swollen and shiny, trembling as he breathed hard. He whispered something in Spanish, and Keith furrowed his eyebrows. He’d taken basic Spanish, but Lance always had new words and phrases for him. “What?” 

Lance grazed his hand down over his chest. “I said, make me yours.” 

A cute little blush had spread over his cheeks, and Keith had half a mind to hold him right there for the rest of forever. Instead, he kissed him one more time before getting up from the bed to go to his drawer. When he turned back to the bed, he saw Lance rest on his side, propped up by his elbow as he watched him. He looked so good, half naked with only Keith’s sweater, and even then, it was hitched up against his stomach. 

“I wanna try this a different way, if that’s okay,” Keith whispered. Lance tilted his head, eyes bright and curious, and in the openness of his expression, Keith could see how entirely he trusted him. “Turn around for me.” 

Lance frowned a bit, but he turned onto his other side as Keith scooped him back up into his arms. “I’ll get to look at you, right?” 

“Trust me.” He pressed a kiss to his cheek and handed him the condom and lube he’d grabbed. “Hold this?” Lance took the items. When Keith motioned for the lube, Lance squeezed some onto his fingers. He kept one arm wrapped around his chest, warm and smooth and rising with each breath. He felt Lance's body twitch when Keith's finger breached him. "Is it okay?" 

"Little cold," Lance breathed out. 

Keith pressed closer up against his back and kissed his shoulder. "Sorry. I should've warmed it up a bit." Lance's legs squirmed and pushed against Keith's as he was worked open. His breaths came in soft pants that he muffled into the pillow. Keith set to lavishing his neck and shoulders in kisses. He knew every weak spot that made Lance moan just a little louder, knew how to ease him into submission, to get him out of his nervous mindset. With the right kisses and gentle bites, the right flick of his wrist, he was able to make Lance melt into a compliant, panting, moaning mess. 

He tilted Lance's face toward him and kissed him hard on the mouth. Lance's hand came up to push into his hair and Keith let his own slide down to pull his leg up by his thigh before working on sliding on a condom. 

As Keith carefully pushed in, Lance's breaths stuttered against his mouth. "K-Keith," he whimpered. 

"I'm right here." He kissed him again, slotting their bodies completely together. Lance's mouth fell open, giving Keith access to lick into him and bite his lip. "Right here with you." He interlocked their hands and kissed the back of Lance's. Then the top of his wrist, and his forearm, and the crook of his elbow, up to his bicep and shoulder. "Tell me when I can move." 

"Now. Please, Keith- a-ah, oh God." 

Keith knew how much Lance liked to be close at these moments. "Tell me what you want. Whatever you want." Keith pressed his lips close to his ear. "Tell me how to make you feel amazing. How to make you mine." 

"I'm yours," Lance gasped. "Fuck, Keith I'm all yours, always. Ha-ah, oh  _ yes."  _

Keith noticed his hips pushing back against him, trying to meet him mid thrust, so he started moving a little faster. "What did you do to me?" Keith grumbled a little too low for Lance to hear with his focus entirely elsewhere. Keith kept mumbling against his skin, unintelligible. Murmurs of everything about Lance that made his heart soar. 

Every little freckle scattered along his body; the way his eyes shifted between hues of blue depending on his mood, on what he wore, on the lighting; the way his dimple would show when he smiled, making Keith warm all over. 

"What are y-you muttering back there?" Lance asked. 

Keith slowed his thrust but doubled the strength of each one, making Lance cry out and turn his head into muffle himself with the covers. "Nothing,” he answered. He left open mouthed kisses along his shoulder blades as he let his hand run over Lance’s torso, holding him in place by the waist. 

“Keith….” Keith hummed and nuzzled his face against his neck. “I wasn’t kidding when- mm- when I said I wanted to-  _ ah _ \- return the favor,” he breathed out, clutching the sheets in his hands. Keith stopped moving and settled for running a hand along Lance’s arm. “I dunno if I’ll be good at it, but… I wanna try it.” Lance’s voice was still a little breathless and it did things to Keith’s heart that he had long since stopped trying to control. 

“Okay, darling.” 

Lance chuckled and turned slightly to look at him. “You gonna come up with a new pet name every time we have sex now?” 

Keith blushed, belatedly realizing what he said. “Sorry.” 

Lance shook his head. “I like it,” he murmured. “Darling…. Sounds so nice when you say it.” Lance shifted forward, causing Keith to slip out of him as he turned to face him. “Got a bit of a Texas twang, huh, mi vida?” 

Keith bit his lip as he smiled. “What does that one mean?” 

A bright blush filled his cheeks. Lance draped his hands over his shoulders, foreheads and noses bumping together. “It sounds extreme when I translate it, but it’s… common. It means my life.” 

Something warm burst in Keith’s chest. A mixture of panic and affection and fear and hope. It was too much while somehow not being enough. Keith longed for something, but he didn’t know what. While the term left him with confused emotions, he’d learned a while back that when it came to new things with Lance, it was easier to let them wash over him. 

Nothing good came from pushing them away. And Keith hated always being afraid and waiting for the twist that would set his life back to its destructive path. Yes, he was afraid, and yes it was a lot, and yes he had a small voice in the back of his mind warning him against letting down every wall, but… Keith just couldn’t keep letting those things rule his life. Not when Lance had proved him wrong so many times. Not when Lance had given him some of the most amazing experiences of his life when it came to sharing things with someone else. Lance had taught him so much about what it was to care for another person, what it was to have another person care for him. 

So he allowed the fear and panic and confusion to wash over him. He allowed them the same way he allowed the giddy, naive excitement and overwhelming fondness to course through him. 

“My life,” he repeated. Lance nodded. “Pretty boy, sweetheart, darling.” 

Lance smiled. “Koala, principe,  cariño , mi vida.” He winked. “I’ve got you beat.” 

Keith hummed and wrapped his arms around him tightly. “Light of my life?” He kissed Lance’s cheek. “Knight in shining armor?” Lance laughed and hid his face in Keith’s neck. “Hot stuff, maybe?” 

“Oh I like that one,” Lance joked as he shifted to lay over Keith. “But now you’ve got me beat and I have to come up with more.” Keith placed his hands on his hips, smiling up at him in all his tousle-haired, goofy-grinned glory. He pulled him down into a kiss, meeting him halfway by propping himself up on his elbow. “I might not be too good at this,” Lance whispered, kissing him a little more hesitantly. 

“Mm. Hope you are, ‘cause if you can’t ride me, that’s a dealbreaker for me.” 

“Shut the fuck up, you asshole,” Lance said, shiving him back down, fighting off a smile. 

Keith laughed and let his fingertips trail along Lance’s thighs. “I’m just saying… Don’t freak out over this. I just like getting to be with you. Here.” Keith pushed him up a bit and shifted so he could sit up and lean against the wall. He pulled Lance in by the front of the sweater and settled him on his hips. “Relax.” 

“Okay….” 

Lance let out a shaky breath as Keith pressed his lips to his neck and wrapped his arms around his waist. He ran his hands under Lance’s thighs to pull him closer, keeping his eyes on his blushing face. Lance put his weight on his knees, lifting himself up. Keith aligned himself, aware of his heart beating obnoxiously. “Ready?” Lance nodded, biting his lip as he steadied himself by putting his hands against Keith’s shoulders. 

He let Lance ease himself down, hands at his hips only to help if he needed it. Keith’s eyes fluttered shut as every sensation honed in on Lance. He felt Lance’s shaky, nervous breaths, his warm skin, saw the scrunch of his eyebrows as his mouth fell open, breathed in the scent of berries wafting from his hair. 

Lance pulled him by the nape of his neck into a kiss that felt like a breath of fresh air. Hesitantly, Lance pulled himself up again, setting the pace slow at first as he tested the best position for his legs, tested his own stamina. He held onto Keith, those pretty blue eyes occasionally meeting his, seeking approval. Keith rubbed gentle circles into his hipbone and kissed him, squeezing when Lance move in a way that ignited tiny fireworks in his body. 

“No wonder you’re so good at this. The thigh work is ridiculous,” Lance breathed. “I should’ve kept up with soccer.” 

Keith laughed and started rolling his own hips up to meet Lance, making him falter. “Sorry. Soccer?”

“‘S fine, do it again,” Lance said, his voice tight as tightened his fists into Keith’s hair. “Yeah. I was in soccer early middle school. Would’ve had thighs for days if I stayed.” 

“Still do,” Keith said, making a point of squeezing his thighs, making Lance smirk. 

There was a gleam of curiosity in his eyes, whatever he was thinking held back by the way he bit his lip. Keith tucked that into the back of his mind and focused on synching up with Lance. Chasing after the pleasure, Lance eventually started speeding up, losing those subtle inhibitions. He mouth dropped open, giving Keith the chance to swallow each heavy pant through a kiss. 

“K-Keith,” he grunted. Keith hummed, kissing his neck and digging his fingers into his skin. “F-faster.” 

“Go faster then, sweetheart. It’s up to you.” Keith licked a stripe up to his ear. 

Lance growled, seemingly frustrated. “I can’t. Not- not as fast as I want.” Keith watched him steadily, noticing the way his hips would speed up only to slow down as he repositioned his hands, his knees, his angle. “Please-” 

Keith stopped him with a kiss. He planted his feet on the mattress and held on to Lance’s hips firmly. “You tell me if I need to stop,” he said. Lance nodded, looking half dazed. Keith began to thrust into Lance at a quicker, constant pace, rocking Lance’s hips for him. He felt Lance go pliant as he swayed to the rhythm Keith moved him. “Oh fuck,” Keith grunted. 

“Lay down,” Lance breathed in his ear. “All the way.” Keith didn’t question it. He just did what Lance wanted and looked up at him reverently. Lance smirked and playfully covered Keith’s face with his hand. “Why’re you looking at me like that?” 

“How can you still ask?” 

Lance blushed and shook his head. He leaned down to kiss Keith quickly before placing his hands on Keith’s chest. Then he started moving, seemingly able to control the movement better from there. As Lance came undone above him, Keith found himself entirely enraptured by the sight of him.

He looked flushed, biting the collar of his sweater as that blissful expression settled over his face. Beautiful. So beautiful. It made Keith breathless and dizzy. His hands moved of their own accord, adoring every inch of his body he could touch. He rocked his hips upward, and Lance’s speed increased. They shared a sloppy kiss interrupted by the occasional rolls of their hips, but they were both too stubborn to stop doing one in favor of the other. 

Lance had said that he was Keith’s. That all of him was Keith’s. Impossible to believe, but he’d said it, and Keith knew in his heart that he meant it. But he also hoped Lance knew it meant the same for him. It meant Keith was also Lance’s, completely his. 

Somehow this beautiful person had gotten through his every defense and taken his heart in his hands. More surprisingly, Keith didn’t mind it. He trusted Lance in every sense of the word. If he managed to get a hold of his heart, his emotions, if he wedged himself into Keith’s life and settled comfortably, then he deserved to stay. 

Unwelcomed images flashed in Keith’s mind. Memories of faceless strangers having their way with him in that very bed, leaving him cold and spent as he crawled under the covers in the dark, waiting for his drunkness to dissipate, for the relief of forgetting in the morning. Memories of hushed sounds in the dark, touches that were a little too rough. And even before that, memories of the horrible way he’d been introduced to everything sexual, the way everything always hurt and left him feeling like he wasn’t himself. 

He’d never felt that way with Lance. Even when he was a stranger in his bed. Now, he had the privilege of coming back to him, of Lance coming back to him, of sharing this experience with him again and again. He had all of Keith and Keith would continue giving him more if he could. Maybe he would end up with a broken heart in the long run, but it would be worth it to have experienced this. This affection, admiration, adoration for another person that was so pure and good and honest.

Or maybe…. Maybe Lance was it. Maybe this was when Keith could finally stop and breathe. Maybe he wouldn’t end up with a broken heart in the long run. Maybe everything they promised now would always be true. It was such a naive, optimistic way to think, but Keith couldn’t turn that hope away. He didn’t want anyone else. He never wanted to lose what he had with Lance. 

“Keith?” Lance’s whisper was a breath against his cheek that made him shiver. “What happened?” 

“Nothing,” he answered. 

Lance frowned, causing that adorable crease between his eyebrows again. He caressed his cheek and bumped their noses together. “ Cariño, you’re crying.” 

“No I’m-” Keith touched his face and realized Lance hadn’t been caressing his cheek. He’d been wiping his tears away. “O-oh.” Lance looked at him worriedly, nervously. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” Keith clarified. 

He blushed and traced his finger over Keith’s lips. “What happened then?” 

Keith huffed and shook his head. “Just wish I knew how to make it clear that you mean the world to me.” 

Lance seemed to sense there was more Keith wasn’t saying, but he didn’t press. He just smiled and kissed him softly. “You can start by focusing on me right now,” he said playfully. Then, in a more serious tone, he murmured, “Right now, it’s just us. This is between us, and nothing and no one else matters. Okay?” Keith nodded and accepted the gentle kiss Lance gave him. 

He was right. Those people had no place in his head or his bed anymore. Those memories hurt, but they made what he had with Lance that much sweeter. And by God he was going to prove it. 

He quickly reduced Lance to an incoherent mess, making him spout multilingual curse words between gasps of his name that made Keith feel invincible. When Lance didn’t think too hard about it, when he was overwhelmed with pleasure, he found an instinctual way to grind his hips down that had Keith biting back his own curses. He could feel every smooth body roll under his hands, reveled in the way Lance’s lips tasted when he was in the middle of a gasp or a moan. 

Eventually Keith turned them over, taking Lance’s hands in his own as he pinned them above his head and rocked into him in a way that had Lance arching his back and scrunching his face in need. 

Not long after changing their position, Lance finished and had Keith following shortly after. Even so, Keith’s adoration didn’t stop. He kept trailing kisses along his collarbone, running his hands under the sweater or along his legs. Eventually, Keith simply wrapped his arms around Lance and pulled him close to his chest.

He planted soft, open mouthed kisses to Lance's sweaty forehead and scratched his head gently. 

"You asleep already, pretty boy?" Lance grumbled in affirmation, making Keith laugh. "Okay. Wanna clean up in the morning?" Lance nodded and nuzzled in closer to Keith. "Alright. Let me just turn off the lights. I'll be right back." He turned the lights off and cuddled close to Lance again, breathing in deep before relaxing. 

They fell asleep to the sound of a thunderstorm outside and the soft lull of each other's breaths. 

Keith got up early the next morning to get ready for rehearsal. He saw Lance splayed across his bed, still wearing the sweater, long limbs bent under him as he curled up. 

When Keith finished changing, he ran his hand along Lance's leg, up to his torso. "Babe. Darlin'. Wake up. You've got an early class, today." Lance remained motionless, breathing in and out slowly. "La-ance." Keith leaned over and kissed his cheek, along his jawline and just under his ear. "Wake up, pretty boy." He sighed when Lance remained asleep and stood up. "Alright then." 

He went to the bathroom to fill the tub, making sure the water was warm before going back to get Lance. He easily tucked his arms under him and hoisted him up. Lance felt that, but instead of waking up, he grumbled and curled into Keith's chest before going boneless again. 

Keith chuckled and carried him to the tub he set him down inside gently, and flicked water in his face. Finally Lance woke up, flailing when he realized he wasn't in a bed. Keith laughed as he steadied him, trying not to get the sloshing water on his clothes. 

"What the fuck?" Lance's morning voice was low and raspy, and he was squinting adorably. "Why are you trying to drown me?" 

"You didn't clean up last night and you have class in two hours." Lance groaned and stretched into the warmth of the water. "I gotta get going. I'll see you later?" 

Lance nodded and lifted his head up to kiss Keith before he left. Keith smiled as he watched him rub his eyes before shutting the door behind him. 


	22. Side Effects

It wasn’t reasonable to be this nervous. It wasn’t reasonable, but since when did life follow reason the way it should? 

On either side of him, Pidge and Hunk were holding his hand. “She won’t bite your head off, Lance,” Pidge said, just enough of a teasing tone to her soft voice. “We can go in there with you.” 

“Yeah. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind. She knows support matters a lot to poets,” Hunk added. 

Lance really wanted to believe he could walk in there without them. He wanted to believe he was brave enough for it. Still, as much as he wanted to let go of their hands and walk in, he couldn’t. He just nodded mutely and let them tug him to the door. 

Hunk and Pidge peeled their hands away from his to nudge him along gently, letting Lance lead the way. 

Within the first week of the new semester, he’d gotten an email from his former poetry professor. She wanted to catch up with him and see how he’d been, seeing as the last she’d heard from him had been nearly two years ago. Lance guiltily ignored it, mostly due to the line that read,  _ Can’t wait to hear about new writing you’ve been working on!  _ Which would have worked fine had he not run into her at the bookstore when he was buying his textbooks. 

She’d smiled and greeted him with a hug, and Lance couldn’t bring himself to let her down. He lied and said he’d forgotten to reply, and she assured him he could just stop by her office hours anytime. It’d been a week since then, and Lance spent most of it debating whether he should go and what he would even say. 

Keith had no idea what to tell him because he didn’t know the professor or her influence on him, and when Lance tried explaining he went off on tangents that only confused Keith further until all he could say was, “If you’re debating this much, it means you want to talk to her, you just don’t want to let her down.” Which, while it was true, wasn’t very helpful in terms of deciding what to say. 

Eventually Hunk and Pidge stepped in, telling Lance that it could be helpful to talk to her. It wasn’t like she would hate him for not writing. And they knew how important her and her class had been for Lance. He’d learned so much when he had her both his first and second semester for poetry, and he talked about her constantly until Allura was joking that she had a teacher for a rival. 

Now, there he was, causing Pidge to miss the latter half of one class and Hunk to wake up earlier than he needed to just so they could support him. They didn’t even go to this campus and yet, here they were. 

He found her door easily. It was already slightly open, showing his professor at her desk as she typed. 

“Dr. Westley?” he said softly. 

She turned, eyes brightening when she saw him. “Lance! Come in!” She stood from her desk to usher him in, brows furrowing when she noticed the other two people behind him. “Who are you guys?” 

“We’re friends,” Pidge said. “We don’t go here, just… moral support.” She raised two thumbs and smiled. 

“Moral support?” she questioned. She eyed Lance questioningly. He shrugged. “I’m Sasha Westley. You can call me Sasha.” 

Hunk and Pidge introduced themselves then sat on a couch she had. Lance sat on a blue accent chair, and Sasha sat at her rolling chair, scooting it closer. It was quiet for a long while. Lance kept staring at the books on the bookshelf, refusing to meet Dr. Westley’s eyes, still unsure of what to say. 

“Is… something going on?” Dr. Westley asked. 

She glanced at Hunk and Pidge who stared at Lance who stared at the magic eight ball on the tiny table next to him. He took a deep breath and shrugged again. “I haven’t written anything new.” His voice was heavy with disappointment, with frustration, with sorrow. 

“Okay,” she answered. “Is there a reason?” Her voice had gone soft. “Last I knew you were writing a lot about Allura.” Lance grimaced. Allura had come to know Dr. Westley just from all the times Lance dragged her to her office hours and the several times the professor saw them studying together. When she’d died, Dr. Westley immediately reached out to him via email, but he never got back to her until school started again. 

“That’s the problem. I couldn’t  _ stop  _ writing about her.” He finally looked at her. Her eyes were full of understanding and sympathy. Hunk and Pidge were also looking at him, a mix of worry and encouragement. He sighed ran a hand through his hair. “Every time I tried to write about something else, it went back to her. I got tired of it and decided not to write until I could write about something else.” 

“The problem is, now he won’t write about anything out of guilt for not wanting to write about her,” Hunk intervened. Lance threw him a quick look of betrayal, but Hunk’s unusually serious expression made his stomach turn.

Dr. Westley seemed to be thinking for a while before she spoke again. “Why didn’t you want to write about those feelings before? Because you wanted to ignore them?” 

Lance shook his head. “Not ignore them… just get over them.” 

“And are you?” Lance winced, looking at the magic eight ball again. “Loss is a very hard thing to live with. It doesn’t go away. Writing about it could have helped you heal in its own way. The brain is an incredible thing, and it tends to know what’s best for us. In the same way that your subconscious can create patterns you aren’t even aware of in your poems, it works to do the things that help you as a person. If you’re not done writing about it, you’re not done writing about it. And you might never be.” Lance stared at her in shock. “You don’t  _ have _ to be. It sounds like you have friends and people in your life who understand that. And I assure you that it won’t always be the only thing you write about ever again.” 

Lance clenched his fists and took a shaky breath. He didn’t like the idea of never being able to stop writing about losing Allura. It was like saying he’d be sad for the rest of his life. Even when he had Keith. Even when he had Hunk and Pidge. Even when he had his family. Even when his life went on, he would keep coming back to her and that part of his life, looking at it in agony instead of fondness.

“Lance, you’re a gifted writer. Your poems held something special in them. The drafts you brought in were amazing, and when you revised them after workshops… well, I told you. You should have worked on a manuscript. I would’ve loved to be your mentor for it.” She smiled and shrugged. “I often find myself still writing about my parents’ divorce. Because it’s an integral part of who I am now. My feelings toward it have changed. When I was younger, I wrote a lot of angry lines and stanzas about it. The older I got, the more my perspective changed. My writing changed, even when I wrote about the same thing. And I write about new things like my husband and my daughter.” 

He rubbed the back of his neck and looked out the window. “It’s terrifying to think about trying again. Like I won’t be as good. Like it won’t ever… not be painful.” 

“Sometimes those are the things worth writing about the most,” she answered. “That does bring me to why I wanted to see you though.” Lance raised an eyebrow. “The school is trying this new thing where they actually pay the TA’s the writing department has. I think it would be wonderful if you TA’d for my poetry I class. It could be a way for you to get back into the creation of poetry without jumping right into your own quite yet. If it fits in your schedule and interests you, that is.” 

Lance stared at her in surprise and bit his lip. “Oh.” He looked at Pidge and Hunk. They stared back, waiting for his response. He’d hoped they might tell him what to answer. “Um. Can I think about it?” 

“Sure. But the window is waning, and there were some other applicants waiting on a response. Think you could get back to me by next week?” 

_ Absolutely not. _ Still, he nodded. “Have you read any new poets? I have some recommendations-”

“Well my friend got me a book for Christmas that I’ve been reading,” he said. “I’m rereading it to comprehend it as a whole.” She smiled knowingly, and it made Lance blush. His eyes drifted, landing on something set up on her file cabinet. It was a book Lance had used during an exercise to create erasure poems. He’d made wings out of other pages and pasted a short phrase inside that he couldn’t fully recall. “You still have that?” 

Her eyes drifted to the book, carefully propped open so it showed the wings. “Yeah! It’s one of my favorites. Very creative.” Lance chuckled nervously and started chewing on his thumbnail. “You’re not in trouble, Lance,” she said with a smile. “I’m not gonna bite your head off for not writing. I just don’t want you to completely turn away from it because I know it matters to you. It’s a big part of your identity.” 

Lance sighed and slouched into his seat. Everyone seemed to say the same thing, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to try. Everyone said it was part of who he was, that it was something important to his core as a person. Sometimes, Lance feared he’d pulled too far away from it to ever reclaim it. And if he wasn’t a writer anymore, what was he? He had no other burning passions the way writing had once been for him. 

“It’s just hard to try,” he whispered. “It doesn’t feel like it’s mine anymore.” 

Dr. Westley nodded in understanding. “It might not be yours in the same way it was before, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be yours in a new way.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “Think about the TA position. It’s paid- not much, but still- and get back to me. We can work from there.” 

Lance nodded and stood up, sensing the end of the meeting. “Thank you, Dr. Westley. Um. I’ll email you.” She nodded and said shook Hunk and Pidge’s hand as they followed him out. They didn’t speak until they left the building again. They walked in the direction of the cafe for some warmth, and Lance could feel their stares. “You guys think I should take the position.” 

“I mean, duh,” Pidge said. “It’s a perfect chance for whatever you want to do. If you want to be a writer, you get back into it slowly. If you want to be a teacher, then you get that experience.” 

“But you also gotta be ready to go into that environment again,” Hunk added, throwing Pidge a look. “You have to take into consideration what it’ll do to your mental health and all.” Pidge sighed and shrugged. “Do you even want to get back into writing, Lance?” He looked at Hunk questioningly, albeit a little offended. “I just mean…. Look when you care about something, you care about it. And you try to get it back. You try to keep it in your life somehow. But you’ve been pushing it away and hiding at any time an opportunity to get back into it. After a while, the opportunities are gonna go away for good.” 

Lance raised an eyebrow. “We’re still talking about my writing?” Hunk punched his shoulder, making Lance yelp. 

“Not the time for jokes, dude,” Pidge said with a sigh. “Take the TA position.” 

Lance huffed and figured a hot chocolate would help his mood. He looked at his friends and wrapped an arm around both their shoulders. “Thanks for coming with me guys. You’re the best.” 

They smiled back at him, and Lance felt like things were a little more normal now. 

He didn't really have time to go see Keith after his dance rehearsals anymore. Every other day he had a class during that time and on the others he only barely managed to get out of class when rehearsal was over, so he just met Keith at his place for a while before having to leave and study. Pidge had gotten onto him about not making time to study in order to make time for Keith seeing as he'd gotten lower grades than usual the previous semester. 

So yeah, his time with Keith had been getting cut short. Thankfully though, the weekend was around the corner, and Lance could have all the time in the world... at least during the span of Friday night to Sunday. He just had to get the rest of today. 

His mind remained preoccupied by the conversation with Dr. Westley. He took out the journal Keith gave him for Christmas and held onto it throughout his classes, thumbing the lined pages that were just waiting to be filled. He imagined grabbing a pen and writing something on the first page. A one line poem. A haiku. A villanelle. Just one thing, maybe even about how he can’t write anything. Nothing came to him. He simply ran his fingers over the smooth page and sighed in resignation. 

By the time school was over, Lance very much needed to be taken into Keith’s arms and just stay there for a while. He drove over to Keith’s place, feeling the exhaustion of the week seep into his bones now that he knew he could relax for a bit. 

When he arrived, he was confused to hear music coming from the backyard. He went around the side where Kosmo immediately came to jump against it and bark at him. “Hey, boy,” Lance greeted, dangling his hand for Kosmo to play-bite. “Is Keith back there?” Kosmo barked and wagged his tail, crouching into a pouncing stance before lunging against the gate again. Lance fumbled with the lock to let himself in, careful to keep Kosmo from leaving. 

He walked to the back and saw Keith balancing on a ladder, tying black and white balloons to the edges of the roof. 

“Kosmo, stop barking,” he chided, as he stretched up. He pulled back and turned, gasping slightly at the sight of Lance. “Oh, God! Hey, what are you doing here? You’re early.” Keith came down from the ladder, and finally, Lance remembered. 

It was Shiro and Adam’s engagement party. Apparently the two had gotten engaged the night Shiro had left for an anniversary party, which seemed like quite a way to steal someone’s thunder, but he supposed if Adam asked his parents permission, it didn’t matter. The point was, Lance received a call in the middle of the week where Keith started rambling, a mess of excitement and sadness as he recounted the story Shiro had told him. The irony of it was that apparently Shiro was planning to propose too; Adam just beat him to it. 

“Oh! Right!” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “You forgot?” He came down the ladder, hopping off a few rungs from the ground. “That’s unlike you.” Lance grimaced and slouched as Keith walked up to him. “You okay?” 

Lance bit his tongue. He wanted to tell Keith, and of course he would, just…. Not right then. He wanted Keith to enjoy setting this up for his brother, not worry yet again over Lance’s existential writer’s crisis. “Yeah. I’m good. It was just a long week, and I missed you.” 

Keith smiled and pulled him into a hug. “Yeah, I missed you too.” Lance let out a sigh as he was wrapped up in Keith’s arms. “The dancers have been wondering where you’ve gone, you know.” Lance chuckled and buried his face in the warmth of Keith’s neck. “Oh, your nose is cold, darling.” 

That just made Lance flustered and had him burrowing further into him. He loved when Keith called him that. Loved the way he never quite finished the word, the way it hung there, drawled out like sweet syrup.  _ Darlin’, darlin’, darlin’.  _ Keith’s low voice betrayed his underlying twang each time he said it, something Keith admitted he’d picked up when he was younger in one of his first foster homes. A cute southern drawl that came out in words he least expected. Like darling. 

“Tell me again why your brother wants the party outside in January?” 

“Well, there’s gonna be candles and lanterns and heaters to help keep people warm. Not everyone fits inside.” Lance grumbled, making Keith chuckle. “You wanna help me set up, or are you gonna go get ready?” 

Lance didn’t want to leave. He just wanted to stay there where professors and TA positions and poetry didn’t matter.

He pulled away and kissed Keith’s cheek. “Compromise. I’ll go get showered and changed into something so I can come back and help then finish getting dressed here before the party.” 

Keith smiled and nodded, kissing him on the lips before murmuring, “Hurry back.” Warmth flooded through Lance as he nodded and turned away. 

And he did hurry. He got back to Keith’s a little after an hour, wearing the sweater Keith had let him use a couple weeks ago. He’d washed it of course, and although Keith knew he had it and had seen him wear it a few times after, Lance had to admit he reveled in the way Keith’s cheeks flushed and his eyes sparked when he saw him in it. 

“You can… put the suit in my room,” Keith mumbled, eyes falling from Lance’s face to the sweater. There was a slight quirk in the corner of his lips. Lance smiled innocently and went inside to do as he was told. 

When he came back out, Shiro was placing long, cream-colored tablecloths on the tables and taping them down. There were strings hung around the backyard with paper lanterns hanging from them, and white Christmas lights wrapped around the trees. There were black and white balloons knotted together in groups of four and taped to chairs and to the ribbons dangling from the roof. 

“This looks like the wedding, not the engagement party,” Lance noted. 

Shiro smirked, as he watched Keith bring out cute paperweights that served as centerpieces for the tables. “He’s… excited. Living vicariously through me, I think. Keith’s a total romantic, and now… well just look at the yard.” 

“Whoa, wait. This was  _ all  _ Keith?” 

Shiro nodded. “I said engagement party on Friday, and he took care of everything else.” Lance looked around the yard, taking in the decorations in a new light. “Can’t wait to see what he actually plans for the wedding. I gave him basics, but I’m pretty sure he’s gonna go nuts.” 

“God, that's adorable,” Lance muttered. Shiro laughed and beamed at his brother. 

Keith was glowing, a red flush from the cold along his face and bright eyes reflecting the light of the lanterns. “Catering’s gonna be here soon. Babe, can you help me set the heaters?” Lance nodded, letting Keith take him to the shed. 

While Keith went to the corner where three little electric heaters were piled on top of each other, Lance’s eyes were drawn to the couch and the small TV and mini fridge. He smiled to himself, recalling that first meeting, the facade of a video game bet, the nervousness he’d felt about whether he should or shouldn’t go for a kiss. 

“Here, Lance,” Keith said, trying to get his attention. Lance turned and took the heater Keith placed in his hand. “You look spaced out,” he noted as he lugged the other two. 

Lance smirked, setting the heater down and tugging Keith toward him. “Slow down for a sec,” he whispered. Keith frowned as Lance took the heaters from his hand and hugged him from behind, his head resting on his shoulder. “This is where we had our first kiss.”

Keith stiffened in his arms for a second before chuckling. “Oh. We did.” Keith stared at the couch, tilting his head as he leaned back against Lance. Lance made an inquisitive hum, wondering why Keith seemed so… passive. “I… It was just a very different time. It’s not too fun to look back on.” He turned in his arms and wrapped his arms around Lance’s waist. “I much prefer remembering things like our first date and the first morning we woke up together and the first time I realized I wasn’t expecting you to disappear.” 

How had Lance not realized what a romantic Keith truly was? He knew he could be sappy, but it wasn’t until Shiro pointed it out that he realized it was true. Keith was a romantic even though he hid it well beneath an uncaring, closed off exterior, and Lance sent a quick thank you to God for being on the receiving end of so much of this exposure. 

He hid his face in Keith’s neck and whined playfully. “ _ Ke-eith!”  _

Keith laughed and ran his hand through his hair. “Yes, darling?” 

And that really wasn’t fair. Lance tightened his hold and breathed him in. He still remembered the scents and tastes that he’d first associated with Keith. The tang of alcohol, the sweetness of fruity gum which he still liked to chew, the spiced cologne that he wore on dates or for performances. 

Now Lance knew more. He knew that sweaty smell that he carried after a dance rehearsal. He knew the smell of his hair after a shower- berries when he showered at his own house, cucumber melon when he showered at Lance’s. He knew the cheap cologne he wore on a day-to-day basis, and the familiar Degree deodorant scent when Keith wrapped his arms around him. Or even the taste of garlic when Keith insisted on kissing him after eating a pizza and crazy bread. He knew that morning breath taste from lazy morning kisses. 

A familiar overwhelming emotion bubbled up in his chest. It was almost painful, constricting in its attempt to get free. There were no good words for it, especially not now, so Lance simply cupped Keith’s face and kissed him. 

There it was. There was his air. His ability to breathe. 

When he pulled away, he kept his eyes on Keith’s lips, suppressing a smile when Keith’s eyes stayed closed. 

“Whoa.” Lance chuckled and waited for Keith to open his eyes. Keith’s hand came up to his cheek, caressing it gently. “Thanks for giving me memories worth looking back on,” he whispered. 

Lance beamed at him, cheeks flushing with warmth. Keith's expression was so soft, so gentle, and Lance didn’t even know what to do with himself. He wanted to stay under that gaze forever. 

Keith, on the other hand, had responsibilities. “Come on, let’s go set these up so I can get started on the candles. And hopefully not burn my place down.” 

Lance grumbled, but he pulled away and picked up the heaters. Together, they set them up as well as the candles and whatever last minute decorative things Keith still wanted to put up before the food arrived. It was fascinating to watch him. Lance had only seen him that focused when he was dancing. 

“I have a question,” he said as Keith tied another white ribbon from the tree branches. Keith hummed. “You gotta promise not to freak out.” 

“You know that makes me freak out.” 

Lance rolled his eyes and leaned against the tree. “Your answer won’t make me upset, by the way.” Keith threw him a confused look, that frantic feeling just below the surface of his widened eyes. Lance shrugged. “You think you’d ever do this for yourself in the future?” Keith furrowed his eyebrows. That was fair. Lance was still skirting around the actual question. He bit his lip and rephrased. “You ever see yourself getting married? Running around with decorations for your own celebration?”

Keith turned bright red. He turned away and picked up the spare ribbons. “Um. No, not really. I mean there was a time when I kind of daydreamed about finding someone to marry. Figured finding one person to stick with me after bouncing around all the time was like, the ultimate goal.” He sighed and stepped closer to Lance, clearly trying to be honest despite his discomfort. “But I don’t see that for myself anymore. I don’t think I want it.” 

Even though Lance said he wouldn’t get upset, he couldn’t help the way his heart fell to his stomach. If Keith didn’t want that, then what did that mean for his relationships? For whatever they had? 

“You’re upset,” Keith noted, slouching his shoulders. “Lance-”

“I’m not upset.” 

Keith narrowed his eyes. “I’m gonna ignore the fact that you’re lying to my face. It’s complicated, okay? I see Shiro and Adam getting engaged, and I’m rooting for them, I want this for them. It makes sense. But after the shitty people I came across…. It just didn’t seem to make sense to me. I didn’t even think I’d find someone I want to be with until I got to know you. And just because I don’t think I’ll ever get married doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with someone. That I don’t want to be with you.” 

It should’ve been enough to ease the weird feeling in his chest. Or rather, Lance shouldn’t have even asked if he was going to project. But the tension was there, and the longer he didn’t answer, the more he noticed it settle in Keith too. 

It’s not like Lance wanted to plan a wedding, their wedding. He knew they were a long way from that if it were to happen. It was more like… he wanted to know it was an option. One of many that they would reach or decide on together. But Keith seemed to want to erase it completely. 

“So like… never? How do you go from wanting a wedding one day with someone to not wanting one at all with anyone?” Lance tried to clarify that he wasn’t saying it had to be them. That he wasn’t proposing or anything. That he wasn’t expecting it.

The way Keith’s expression closed off and his body turned away was something Lance hadn’t seen since the first few weeks they were together. 

“I don’t know, okay? It’s just not something I see for me. What’s it matter, I mean we haven’t even labeled this yet and you-”

“That’s because you wanted to test if you could handle my baggage!” 

“I did  _ not  _ call it that, and you know that’s not how I see it,” Keith snapped. 

Lance crossed his arms. “Whatever.” 

It was quiet. Uncomfortable. Awkward. This question took a direction Lance hadn’t expected or wanted it to take. Eventually, Keith huffed and ran a hand through his hair. “Is this something we need to talk about?” Lance kicked at the ground, flattening the semi-dead grass with the toe of his foot. “Look, I… I know you had all these plans to get married when you were with….” There. The hesitance. Another twist in Lance’s gut. “Allura. But I’m not her. And what we have isn’t… what you had with her. And I don’t know….” Keith sighed and shook his head. They heard Shiro call for Keith from the sliding door, and Keith stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets. “We can talk about this later.” 

As he walked away, Lance couldn’t help the sting in his eyes. That sounded way too close to a breakup prelude. All over one stupid question. 

He waited there, feeling like an idiot as he looked around at the backyard. Love songs from the 50s played from the speakers, making Lance feel even worse. 

A girl and a guy in uniform came to the backyard with tin trays of food and little burners to set up. Keith looked completely composed as he talked to them and helped them set up. He was smiling- not the nose-scrunching smile, but still. 

Suddenly, Lance felt like an outsider. And he had never felt that around Keith. 

Shiro came outside too, and he gave Lance a funny look. "People are gonna get here soon. Aren't you gonna change?" 

"Oh. Yeah! Sorry, long day. What do you think?" 

Shiro looked around the yard and smiled widely. "It's perfect," he said softly. "Adam's gonna love it as much as I do."

Lance smiled back, weak but sincere. "I'm gonna get dressed. Congrats, again." 

Shiro's smile was unfairly perfect. The joy was so prominent in everything about him. The way he stood, the way he spoke, the dreamy look in his eyes. And Lance couldn't blame him. His brother had turned the backyard into a fairytale. 

He slipped away to get his suit and change. He dressed quickly so he could leave before Keith came in to change. It was the worst possible time for an argument. It wasn't like he could avoid Keith. The Shiroganes were going to be there. If they saw the tension between him, wouldn't they worry? Get suspicious?

What was he even doing there, anyway? This was a family event. Lance wasn't family. Wasn't a boyfriend- and there was nothing wrong with that. What they had was good. It just left a lot of confusion for what was expected…. 

The door opened, making Lance tense. 

He turned to face Keith. He looked guarded still, but there was a soft smile on his lips. "You look nice. I've never seen you in a suit." 

"Oh. Thank you." Lance spread his arms and shrugged. Keith went to his closet, and Lance stayed where he was, hesitating. "Um." There was no response. "So. Do you…?" Lance sighed. He didn't like this feeling at all. 

"What?" Keith asked, looking at him from the closet door. 

He was shirtless, about to take his jeans off. An act so casual and comfortable for them without being sexual or teasing. Lance had seen him get undressed before. Had seen him get dressed in the morning a fair amount of times. It was routine. Domestic, even. 

"Should I leave?" 

Keith frowned. "Uh, I mean you've seen me change before-" 

"Not the room. Just. Your place. The party. Should I not be here today?" 

Keith's frown deepened. He huffed and dipped back into his closet to grab his pants. Lance waited, watching Keith tuck his undershirt in before walking toward him. 

"Do you want to be here?" 

"I'm not family-"

"You're my date. People bring dates to parties. Shiro knows you, he likes you. So does Adam." 

"But our argument-" 

"Can wait." Keith ran his hand through his hair and crossed his arms. "Look, you can stay or you can go. If you go, I'll make something up if anyone asks where you are. I understand if you need to leave. But I want you here." He turned away and tugged his button up shirt on a little too impatiently and snatched his blazer before leaving the room. 

Lance sighed and collapsed on the bed. How were they going to get through the evening like this? 

Still… if Keith still wanted him there, that was a good thing. And he'd said he'd be there. It wouldn't be right to leave. Lance was good at putting up a farce, and he could do it now if he had to. 

He took a deep breath and stood up, fixing any wrinkles in his clothes. He tucked his feelings away and smiled at nothing, preparing himself to get through a few hours of pretending everything was okay. Besides… it would be okay. Right? 

When he left the room, he could hear unfamiliar voices talking down the hall. From the kitchen it seemed like. Flurries of congratulations and questions of the future. 

He stepped closer and saw Shiro and Adam talking to people Lance didn't know. They had their arms wrapped around each other, wide smiles on both their faces as they spoke. Lance smiled wistfully at them, at how plainly in love they were and slinked to the backyard. 

There were a few other people sitting at tables, probably people that Shiro and Adam knew from work or grad school or whatever. A few vaguely familiar faces from the parties that used to be thrown. 

The Shiroganes were there already. They were talking to Keith, though Lance wasn't sure about what. He looked tense and his smile was clipped. Then his eyes fell on Lance, and while he didn't break into a wide smile, he seemed to relax a bit. 

He looked handsome in his suit. The deep maroon of his button up just visible under his black blazer. He looked heavenly against the sunset's shades of pink and orange and the soft glow of the candles and lanterns all around them. 

The Shiroganes turned to him and smiled brightly, waving him over. Lance grinned and walked towards them, letting Keith interlock their hands. He felt Keith squeeze his hand lightly and squeezed back. 

"How have you been? How's the start of the semester for you?" Mrs. Shirogane asked. 

"It's good. Just getting used to the flow of things again." Keith's parents did that typical parent thing, encouraging him to work hard and get through the year. 

"Before you know it, the semester will be over," Mr. Shirogane said. Something about that felt offputting, but Lance ignored it, already dealing with enough emotions. 

"Let us know though, Keith. If we can help in any way we will." 

Keith nodded, an insincere smile on his face. "Yeah. Of course. Uh, you guys should get food while it's still hot. Sit near the heaters so it's not too cold." 

His parents shared a look and nodded. Keith foster mom squeezed Lance's shoulder and lightly touched Keith's cheek before heading to the banquet table with her husband. 

Lance looked at Keith in confusion. "What was that about?" 

Keith shrugged. "Shiro's moving in with Adam, so they're trying to see what I'm gonna do with the house." 

"Oh." Lance bit his lip, knowing that while Keith was happy for his brother, he was also sad about losing their living arrangement. He'd miss Shiro, and the likely next step would be to find a new roommate or get an entirely new place alone. Paired with his graduation, it safe to say Keith wasn't sure what he wanted to do next. "Well maybe it can be something you talk about with Shiro later. Once the buzz eases up and before he moves out." 

Keith nodded and sighed. "Yeah…." His eyes flickered over to Lance, brows furrowing slightly. "Thanks for staying," he said in a tiny voice.

Lance could only offer a small uneasy but sincere smile. "Come on. Let's get some food," he said, tugging Keith along. 

Within the next hour, the backyard was filled with people Lance had never seen before. Coworkers, friends, family friends. Adam's family was easy to spot; they were all the loud Hispanics at one table. It was a sight Lance knew well and it made him smile. 

Especially when he saw the way they talked to Shiro. A woman who must have been Adam's mom hugged him tightly and gave him la bendicion and touched his cheeks with the same fondness she might have done for her son. The dad was smiling widely, constantly patting his arm like he was praising Shiro or something. The others- cousins or siblings or who knew- seemed to know Shiro very well, and they were all wide smiles and laughter. 

While the observations made Lance happy for Shiro, happy he had found a good family of in-laws to marry into, happy that he and Adam's relationship seemed to have been accepted wholeheartedly…. It also made him jealous. It made him a little sad. Part of him wanted to walk over and ask them how they got to that point or what their first reactions had been. 

Or…. 

"I'll be right back," Lance said, distracting Keith from a conversation he was having with…. Someone. Lance hadn't paid attention as to who it was. 

"You okay?" 

Lance nodded, and made his way around the tables until he reached the one where Shiro and Adam were sitting at. 

"Hey, guys. Congratulations!" Shiro and Adam smiled and thanked him. "Um, Adam, could I… talk to you for a sec?" 

Adam seemed surprised and Shiro just gave Lance an inquisitive look. "Uh, yeah! Sure thing." He turned to Shiro and kissed him in a chaste way that still seemed too intimate for Lance to have seen. He led Lance toward the house which had been empty except for the occasional person going to the bathroom. "What's up? Everything okay?" 

Lance nodded. "Yeah. Well… yeah. I mean, this is gonna sound stupid, but…. When you came out to your family how…?" 

Adam's expression changed, suddenly understanding. "Oh. Well…. I promise it wasn't always that happy deal it is out there. That was years in the making." Lance furrowed his eyebrows, and Adam explained. "I realized I was gay in middle school, but I never really embraced until high school. That’s when I came out to them. My parents weren’t too happy. All of high school, they sort of pretended I never said anything, but they also didn’t like when I hung out with a group of guys too late. If I’m honest, it caused a lot of tension and bitterness.” 

Lance furrowed his eyebrows. How could they have gone from that to… what Lance had seen outside? “But they like Shiro…. Right?” 

“Yeah. They love him as much as I do,” he said with a happy smile. “It took time, Lance. My mom had to pray a lot. My dad had to take cues from my mom. And I think it helped when I left for college, you know, getting that space from them. I didn’t tell them when Shiro and I started dating. I kept saying he was my friend. Eventually, my mom caught on and then… I guess she realized it was just gonna be something she had to accept. Once she got to know him and you know did her prayers and talked to priests about what to do… it got better. It was a slow process, but it happened. You can ask Shiro how many times my dad made a shitty comment that would fuck up our day. But now… well, they know I love him. They know how much he means to me. They love me, and everyone’s had their time to figure things out.” Adam shrugged and regarded Lance curiously. “You haven’t told your family anything, huh?” 

Lance shook his head. “Not my parents. I don’t really know how. But I’m going to. I want them to meet Keith, and I… I’m just terrified of what they’ll do or say…. And seeing your parents with you and Shiro… it just….” 

Adam lowered his gaze and nodded. “It’s not easy, but that doesn’t always mean it’s horrible. As long as you have people to support you, you’ll get through it. I know how Latino parents can be… I know it’s scary." Adam put a hand on his shoulder and smiled. "It's gonna be okay. De una manera u otra. And I know Keith will be able to handle it. He cares a lot about you."

A warm feeling spread in Lance's chest at those words. He liked that what Keith felt for him was so strong that others could see it. That people around them could tell how much they liked each other, what they meant to each other. 

"And hey," Adam added, "if you need support in any way, you know Shiro and I would help. And honestly, so would the Shiroganes. They're wonderful and they adore you. And I'm so not jealous at all." 

Lance laughed at that, feeling a little better when he saw Adam's playful smile. He took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah. I appreciate that. It would just be nice not to need it you know? To count on my parents still being there…." 

Adam's smile turned a little sad. "I know. The one thing I can promise is that its gonna be okay. I don't know in what way, but it will." Adam grabbed him by the shoulder and smiled. "Come on. It's a party. See if you can Keith to slow dance in front of his parents." 

Lance laughed and followed Adam back outside, ignoring the unease in his stomach. What was okay right now? Their argument felt like a wedge between them; it felt like they were enjoying final moments. The idea made Lance want to puke. 

When he got back, Keith was twirling a beer can in his hand, looking withdrawn. Lance sat beside him nervously. He felt guilty. Keith should be enjoying the party he put together, not fussing over a stupid question Lance asked at the worst time. 

Keith's gaze flickered over to him before going back to his food. "Everything okay?" 

"Yeah," Lance answered. "Um. You?" 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. "Yeah. I guess." 

Lance fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat as Keith took another gulp of beer. "Do you wanna dance?" He figured he may as well take a page out of Adam's book. 

But Keith raised an eyebrow and looked at Lance in confusion. "The dancing hasn't started. Shiro and Adam have to go first." 

Lance let out a breath and slouched. "Right." He kept his hands to himself and looked out at the other tables. 

Keith sighed and stood up. "I'll be back." The soft brush of his hand across his shoulders was the only thing that kept his heart from collapsing entirely.

This whole situation felt wrong. Being at a celebration, pretending they weren't mid-argument, not knowing what to say. Keith wanted him there; he'd said it himself. Why wasn't that enough to ease his anxiousness? 

Keith stood with Shiro and Adam in the center of the lawn. The music had been turned down so it was a soft background noise. Keith was smiling widely, like everything was perfectly fine. Maybe at that moment it was, with his brother and future brother-in-law standing beside him. His family. It made Lance smile to see Keith look so genuinely happy. 

"Thank you all for coming to celebrate today. After years of dating, the day we've been waiting for has finally come- these two are finally engaged!" The guests cheered and applauded. Keith chuckled, dodging the playful punch Shiro threw at his shoulder. "I'm gonna have to save all the mushy stuff for the day of the wedding, but for now…. Shiro, you've been the best brother I could've ever asked for. I'm happy you found someone so perfect for you. And Adam… I know it took me a while to get used to you, but… I'm excited to call you my brother as well. Your relationship is a prime example of what love can become. And I think we're all grateful that Adam had the guts to finally propose and beat you to the punch." 

The guests laughed and applauded. To no one's surprise, Adam's family was the loudest, chanting their names and whooping.

Lance felt his heart melt a little when he saw Shiro hugging Keith tightly. It looked like they were both crying, which surprised Lance. He'd never seen Shiro cry, and Keith rarely did. With the way they were both hiding their faces and the way Adam was politely distracting himself though, Lance knew he was right. 

Eventually, they pulled apart and Keith pulled Adam into a quick hug, his laughter bubbling around the backyard and making a smile shine on Lance's face. Then Keith got everyone's attention again, his face clear of any evidence of possible tears. 

"Okay, we're gonna have these two lead the first dance and after that, everyone's welcome to come and fill up the space. I'll move the heaters to keep things warm, and just be mindful of the candles!" Keith gave a quick thumbs up and turned away to scroll through his phone. 

Lance smiled into his hand. He'd never seen Keith like this with a crowd. He wondered if it was the fact that it was for Shiro or maybe the couple of beers he'd had. Maybe it was something else entirely, but it was interesting to see him so open in front of a crowd if he wasn't dancing. 

A more modern slow song started playing and Shiro took Adam's hand and pulled him in close. They started dancing, smiling dopily at each other in a way that made Lance avert his gaze. 

He looked over at Adam's family and saw their soft smiles. Two people were crying and they weren't even married yet. 

Lance felt arms wrap around his middle, a warm and comfortable pressure huddled against his back. He slid his hands over Keith's and looked over his shoulder to see the swirls of black locks splayed out. "Hey, principe." 

"Hey, pretty boy." 

Lance smiled. That felt better. Normal. Familiar. 

"I'm sorry I'm being an ass. I'm just scared," Keith whispered softly. 

Lance turned to face him and look him in the eyes. He wasn’t so stone-faced anymore. There was vulnerability in his violet irises, worry in the scrunch of his eyebrows. Lance nodded and kissed his lips softly. 

"I mean… I know we gotta talk about it, but…. Is that a deal breaker for you? The marriage thing?" Keith asked. 

The truth was that Lance had never thought about it. For him, marriage was just the end goal for any relationship. It’s what he was taught. Granted, he didn’t think he’d meet anyone he’d want to be with after Allura, much less marry, so he’d already assumed he was never going to get married…. 

He’d taken too long to answer. Keith’s expression was becoming more and more panicked the longer Lance stayed quiet. He stammered, trying to get his thoughts out in a concise way. “No, I- it’s not- I mean- It’s….” He sighed and shrugged. “I don’t want it to be. I don’t think it is. I just… want to explain why I assume it’s an option for any relationship, and I want to know why you… don’t.” 

Keith gulped and nodded. “Okay. That’s… fair. We can talk about that later when everyone’s gone. I just wanted to be sure I wasn’t going to lose you over this.” Lance bit his lip, oddly relieved that Keith seemed to have struggled with the same anxieties. “In the meantime… can I have this dance?” 

Lance raised an eyebrow before he looked behind him. Aside from Shiro and Adam, other couples had taken to dancing together. Everyone seemed to be conscious of their love in the presence of Shiro and Adam’s. It was a moment where the candlelight was fueled by that fond musing as everyone stepped out of the real world and into the one Keith created. 

He looked back at Keith, relief flooding over him and affection swelling his heart as he basked under his gaze. “Of course,” he answered. 

Keith smiled as he took Lance’s hand. They walked to the open space and Lance wrapped his arms around Keith’s waist. Keith chuckled and kissed his cheek before pulling one of Lance’s hands away to interlock with his own. 

Lance let Keith lead him in the dance. It wasn't a simple swaying, but it wasn't anything too intricate either. Keith pressed their foreheads together and shut his eyes. Lance kept his open, looking at the details of Keith's face. The blush in his cheeks, the way his eyelashes fanned out, the little bump of acne just beside his nose that he'd been complaining about for the past week, the way his hair fell forward and tickled Lance's cheek. 

"I'm sorry I stressed you out today," Lance said softly.

Keith shook his head and frowned. "That's a conversation for later, pretty boy. Don't worry about anything else right now." 

Lance sighed and nodded. Right. He wanted to exist in this candlelit world encapsulated in the backyard. There, where nothing outside of it mattered, nothing but the current moment existed. 

Keith laid his head on Lance's shoulder, face turned toward his neck. 

"You know… when I first saw you… there was something about the look on your face that made me want to talk to you," Keith whispered. Lance hummed. "You looked lost, but… like you didn't care that you were lost. You were just watching everyone, like they all had something to say." Lance furrowed his eyebrows as he listened, wondering why he hadn't said any of that before. "Then I noticed you staring at me. I caught you a couple more times before I realized you were interested in me, but you still didn't walk up to me. It frustrated me." 

"That I didn't walk up to you?" 

Keith nodded. "I'd decided a long time before that any guys I got involved with had to make the first move. It reduced the amount of times someone could try and blame me for whatever shit happened later." Keith lifted his head and looked Lance in the eyes. "But you wouldn't do anything!" He laughed and shook his head. "I'm glad I broke my rule. It gave me you."

Lance felt his face heat up. He didn’t even know what to say to that. He wasn’t used to Keith being so forward about his emotions. It was always in the quiet moments of the night when his inhibitions were down or the times when Lance needed a tether that Keith would let him in on those thoughts. Each time left Lance flustered like he’d short-circuited. 

“You’re never allowed to say you’re not good with words again,” he finally muttered. 

Keith laughed, his nose scrunching up as he did.

The song ended, and as the next one started, they walked back to their seats together. Before they could even sit down, two women Lance didn’t know sat across from them, greeting Keith with over-the-top enthusiasm. Based on the look on Keith’s face, they weren’t favored relatives. 

“Keith! We haven’t seen you since you graduated high school!” the older woman said, her eyes unsubtly flickering toward Lance. 

“Well, college keeps me busy,” Keith mumbled. 

“Obviously not  _ too  _ busy,” she said, eyes completely focused on Lance. It made him turn red in the face. “Who’s this?” 

“This is Lance. Lance, this is my mom’s sister and her daughter. Foster aunt and cousin, I guess.” 

“Keith,” the younger one said chastisingly. “We’re family, no need to say foster before everything.” Keith only shrugged. “So… Lance. How do you know Keith?” 

Oh, the dreaded question. Lance figured he wouldn’t have to worry too much about this considering Keith’s family knew them relatively well to understand what they were without giving it a name. He hadn’t counted on new family members who cared about Keith’s personal life. 

“I’m his date today.” 

The confusion was apparent in their faces, and Lance looked at Keith helplessly. They had enough on their plate, they didn’t need to deal with this major question on top of it all. 

“Lance and I are seeing each other exclusively,” Keith said. 

“You millenials and your fear of labels,” the aunt said with a roll of her eyes. Keith looked unamused. He held Lance's hand a little tighter. "Well, I think it's wonderful that you're here, Lance. Keith has never talked about anyone 'exclusive' before." 

Lance smiled awkwardly and nodded. "Yeah. It's nice to be here celebrating Shiro's engagement. To see all the love and support." 

The cousin sighed dreamily and nodded. "Yeah. Ooh, and maybe you guys will be next!" 

Both of them tensed at that, but the mother-daughter menace didn't seem to catch on. "Ah, it does seem the Shirogane boys have a thing for Latinos!" 

"Oh my God," Keith said between grit teeth. "Okay, Lance come with me." He didn't bother saying bye or excusing himself as he pulled Lance away. 

"Still need to work on your manners, young man!" the aunt called after him. 

Keith scowled and took Lance inside the house. He was muttering under his breath the whole time about "sticking their noses where they don't belong." Lance had to grab him by the shoulders to snap him out of it. 

“Hey, easy. They just don’t know the details, okay and that’s fine. We know why we’re doing this, and no one else’s input matters,” Lance said, cupping his face. “It’s okay.” 

“No it’s  _ not. _ We’re already-”

Lance covered his mouth gently, letting Keith trail off as his eyes focused on him. “I promise it’s okay. We all have that annoying relative who doesn’t know when to shut up. We know our relationship best. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says.” Keith huffed and eventually nodded. Lance moved his hand away from his mouth. “I’m gonna kiss you now, y’know in case you wanna stop thinking and just kiss me back.” 

Keith rolled his eyes, a smirk tugging on his lip as Lance leaned in and kissed him. Lance pulled away, but Keith kept chasing his lips, catching his lower lip between his teeth for a fraction of a second before letting go, pressing chaste kisses between eskimo kisses. He hummed with a smile on his face and Lance couldn’t help but smile back at him, meeting every half-kiss between kisses.

“Now,” Lance said, against Keith’s lips. Keith took to kissing his jawline to let him speak. “We’re gonna go out there and enjoy this amazing party you put together. And eat more food and dance more slow dances and ignore everyone else’s opinions. Yeah?” 

“Mm. But I like doing this more,” Keith murmured against his neck. 

Lance laughed and ran his hands through his hair. “Trust me, I like it too, but I see your parents walking this way-”

Keith stepped back so quickly, he rammed his side into the counter, and Lance couldn’t help but double over in laughter. When the Shiroganes came in, Keith was rubbing his side, wincing as Lance looked on in amusement. 

“Keith, son?” Mr. Shirogane said. “Junko told us-”

“I’m sorry I was rude,” Keith interrupted. “But she’s nosy! It’s uncomfortable, and-”

“We know,” Mrs. Shirogane said. Lance vaguely wondered if he should slip away and let them talk, but she looked at him too. “We’re not upset. I wanted to apologize on her behalf. To both of you-”

“You’re not responsible for the things she does,” Keith said tiredly. 

There was something in his voice that made Lance wonder if there was more to it than today. She said she hadn’t seen Keith since he was in high school, and Keith had never mentioned her before. It seemed reasonable there could be bad blood there. 

“I’ll give you guys some space,” Lance said softly. He squeezed Keith’s hand before going back to the backyard. 

He grabbed a soda and sat down, taking note of all the people. Junko and her daughter sat together, probably gossiping. Adam’s family seemed to be teasing someone at the table. Shiro and Adam were whispering to each other, holding each other’s hand. A couple other people he didn’t know were all absorbed in conversation, and Lance passed the time by imagining what they might be talking about, imagining them in their own lives. 

“So serious,” Keith murmured, startling him as he ran a hand through Lance’s hair. He chuckled and raised an eyebrow at Lance. “You alright?” 

“Yeah, just wasn’t expecting you back already. Or… hadn’t realized I was wrapped up in my head. Are  _ you  _ okay?” 

Keith sat down and nodded, immediately taking Lance’s hand. Lance knew it wasn’t fully okay, but he figured it was more of a family thing. Keith would tell him when he was ready. 

“So, what’d you talk to Adam about, if you don’t mind me asking?” 

Lance blushed and shrugged. “I ask about what it was like coming out to his family. Trying to gauge what I should prepare for.” 

Keith’s expression softened as he squeezed Lance’s hand. “At least your siblings all know. They would have your back.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Lance said. “It’s just different. I feel like I need my mom and dad’s approval before anyone else’s can count, but that’s not reasonable, and I know that….” 

Keith thought for a moment before responding. “It’s about the place they have in your life. They raised you, fed you, housed you. They’re the people you look up to most, and their opinion matters to you. That’s why you also get stressed about your major and your dad. It is reasonable that you  _ feel  _ you need their approval to validate you over anyone else’s. But you’re also self aware and smart enough to realize that in reality, no one else needs to validate you. Just you. It’s your life to live; you’re the one who has to put up with me. Not them.”

While the response was true, Lance still wished there was a way to make it easier. Instead of mulling over it, he just smiled and leaned into Keith. “Your psych major is showing.” Keith rolled his eyes and wrapped an arm around Lance. “You know,” Lance whispered, “even if they don’t approve, it’s not gonna change what we have. I won’t let it. I can’t just let go of this  _ exclusive  _ thing for the sake of everyone else’s comfort. Not after everything we’ve been through and everything you’ve made me feel and helped me experience. You’re too important.” 

Soft lips pressed against his forehead. He heard Keith take a deep breath and sigh, tightening his grip around him. “I really hope it won’t come to you having to make that choice.” Keith tilted Lance’s head up to kiss him briefly. “Now come on. You’re the one who wanted to dance the night away. Let’s go.” 

Lance smiled and followed, letting Keith pull him along as various songs played. They didn’t say much. Everything had been said, or it was too early to say, or it was being saved for later. For those moments, they were just together and that was enough. Their smiled and eskimo kisses said enough. 

The guests began to leave around ten, and by midnight everyone was gone. Keith made sure to stash the heaters in the shed and snuff out every candle. The lanterns were taken down, but the tables remained to be put away another day. Keith and Lance got rid of the trash while Shiro and Adam cuddled up on the couch, reminding Lance of a couple of high school teens in love. 

The pair had reverted back to a honeymoon phase, and while it was cute, it was also strange to see that side of Shiro. 

Once most of the trash was picked up, Lance frowned and turned to Keith. “We never had a honeymoon phase,” he said. 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows, looking confused by the statement. “Didn’t we?” 

“How could you if you  _ haven’t started dating?”  _ Shiro called from the couch. Keith huffed and threw an empty can at his head. “Ow! What the hell!”

“It’s past midnight; your celebration is over, and I get to retaliate when you act like a dick,” Keith said boredly. “As for the honeymoon phase, I’m sure we had one.” 

“Mm, no,” Lance said, grinning to himself as Shiro rubbed his head and Adam fussed over him. “You kept trying to push me away and when we got more serious, it was a lot of arguing to get anywhere.” 

Keith frowned and wiped down the counter. “Well… I wasn’t really expecting any sort of relationship. Makes sense we wouldn’t have a phase.” 

“Can you two hurry up and dip, my fiance and I wanna bang-”

“Shiro!” Adam snapped, covering his mouth to shut him up. “Ignore him.” 

Keith snorted. “You’re welcome for your party, big brother. Oh clean up wasn’t too bad, big brother. I love you too, big brother.” 

Shiro laughed, pushing Adam’s hand away. Keith left down the hall to change and get his bag and some stuff for Kosmo so they could stay at Lance’s. Lance waited for him at the couch with Kosmo. 

When Keith came back, he looked at the couple and narrowed his eyes. “Not on the couch, please. Unless you plan on buying me a new one when you move out.” He put the leash on Kosmo and turned to Lance. “Let’s hurry out of here before they decide they don’t need to wait for us to go.” 

Lance grimaced and grabbed his stuff from Keith’s room, quickly whisking him out the door when he got back. 

It was quiet as they drove to Lance’s. The tension was still there, more apparent without other distractions, but it wasn’t as bad as before. It was more like uncertain anticipation. 

When they got to the apartment, Lance couldn't help but feel a flutter in his heart when he saw the way Keith seemed so comfortable with the space. How he moved around it like it was his own. That comfort level had felt so hard to reach at first, and now it just made sense. 

Lance draped himself against Keith's back, burrowing his face in the soft dip between his shoulder blades. "I know we were gonna talk, but can we put it off till morning?" 

Keith reached back, gently scratching Lance's head. "You sure?" Lance grunted and nodded, tightening his grip around him. “Okay.” He turned, wrapping his arms around Lance as he did. “You should get out of this suit so you can be comfortable.” He tugged on the tie, smirking. He didn’t say anything more. 

Lance hummed. “Something on your mind?” he asked with a teasing lilt. 

Keith’s eyes flashed with mischief as he looked at Lance. He yanked him closer, keeping a tight grip on the end of the tie. “Hm. Maybe another time.” He let go and turned away, leaving Lance to sputter indignantly. 

“Wha- Keith! You can’t-”

Keith laughed over his protests and ignored him as he got a glass of water. 

Lance went to change and brush his teeth. Once he was done, he stepped into his room to find Keith already on his side of the bed and Kosmo curled up into a swirl at his feet. 

Seeing Keith on his bed just made sense. It was comfortable. He belonged there.

Lance got into bed and pressed a kiss to Keith's shoulder. Keith looked away from his phone and smiled. "Big spoon or little spoon?" 

"Hm. Would you like to be the little spoon this time?" 

Keith chuckled and shrugged. "Whatever you want. I'm not opposed to being the little spoon." 

Lance nodded and opened his arms. The enthusiasm with which Keith moved to snuggle into him made Lance smile. "You're a dork, mi principe." 

"Ah, shut up," Keith muttered into his chest. He took a deep breath then let it out tiredly. "Good night, sweetheart…." 

Lance pressed a kiss to the crown of his head. "Good night, mi vida." 

Keith seemed to fall asleep pretty quickly. Lance, on the other hand, stayed awake running his fingers through Keith's hair. He liked how slow and steady Keith's breaths got when he was asleep. He liked the way Keith curled into him unconsciously. He liked those little moments in the dead of night when he could think and it would just be for him as he held Keith, so he held onto them as long as possible before his eyelids became heavy enough to let him fall asleep. 

He woke up to the feeling of hesitant fingers against his cheek. They traced the outline of his face, the dip of his eyes, the bridge of his nose, the ridges of his lips. 

"I know you're awake," Keith whispered. Lance hummed in response, still not opening his eyes. "Open your eyes." Lance groaned and made a tired noise of protest. "Hmm. Lazy." 

Lance felt Keith's lips press softly against the corner of his mouth. "Mm. Morning." Lance gave in and opened his eyes, his heart stuttering when he saw the reverent look in Keith's eyes. "Hey."

"Hi," he said with a nose-scrunching smile. "How'd you sleep?" 

"Perfectly. You?" Keith nodded in agreement, even though it wasn't really a yes or no question. "You hungry?" 

Keith smiled and huddled closer to Lance. "Craving hot chocolate." Before Lance could pull him into a kiss, Kosmo pounced between them and started pawing at Keith and whining. "Ah, he's gotta go outside." Keith stretched and yawned before sitting up. 

"I'll get the hot chocolate started." 

Keith nodded and grabbed the sweater he'd left on Lance's desk as he made his way out. By the time Keith got back, Lance was curled into a hoodie as he stirred the milk at the stove. 

Keith hopped up onto the counter while Kosmo turned his nose up to sniff at the air. They stayed quiet until Lance poured the chocolate into mugs and handed one to Keith. 

"So… how much longer are we putting this off?" Keith asked. He blew gently against the steam in the mug. 

Lance grimaced and shrugged. "I don't really know how to even start." 

Keith set the mug down and tugged Lance so he stood between his legs. His hand ran through his hair, making Lance shut his eyes and focus on the feeling and the heat of the mug between his palms. 

"Well… you wanted to know why I don't want to get married, right?" Lance nodded, finding it easier with his eyes shut. "Well. It's not like I never wanted to. I did at one point. You know, I grew up seeing these married couples in nice homes and I thought I could have it one day. Have the one person who chooses to stay with me, who doesn't leave. I even thought I'd found that person at one point. Then… well, you know how that turned out."

Lance wasn't sure if Keith was talking about No Name or Roland. He didn't think he wanted to know. "But just because it didn't work out with them doesn't mean it never will." 

"I  _ know.  _ It's just…. So I sort of… conditioned myself to associate marriage with… someone who ended up skewing my views about everything that has to do with relationships." Keith sighed. "I know it's not fair, and I know the sensible thing is to work through the association, but it's hard. Because I want that person… as far from my mind as possible. It's just… marriage is just a piece of paper. If I fall in love and wanna be with someone forever, I'll do that. I don't need a wedding to validate it." 

"But… it is meaningful. It's a promise," Lance said. "It's a promise made in front of everyone you love. Even with the religion aspect out of it, marriage… it means something. It's not just a paper, it's a way to… to show everyone who you're dedicating your life to." 

"What, just to divorce three years later, get remarried, get divorced again, and repeat? There's people on their fifth marriage, you think it actually means something to them?"

"That's not how it's supposed to be!" Lance shouted. He stepped back and took a breath. He groaned and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell…. It's just…. That's other people. I grew up religious, you know that. I'm not asking if you see us getting married one day, I just… want to know that it's one of many possible outcomes if we stay together." Lance grimaced as tried to phrase it. 

How was he supposed to explain it? He didn't know if he would marry Keith, it was still new. But he couldn't imagine himself with anyone but Keith.

"For me, marriage means something. It's a vow to dedicate yourself to someone you love in front of family, friends, and God. I mean don't you think getting married means something to Shiro and Adam?" 

"Well, yeah. Of course-" 

"Then why wouldn't it mean anything to you?" 

Keith took a deep breath and stared at his hot chocolate. "Because people break their promises, Lance. Shiro grew up with a family that kept promises and let him build his trust. I didn't. I grew up with people making empty promises from foster parents to friends to significant others. Why would marriage be any different?" Keith glanced up to look at Lance who tried to keep his expression composed. "I'm happy Shiro has someone he's willing to put all trust into, someone he can believe when they promise they'll stay forever. But I can't promise you I'd believe in something like that for myself." 

Lance frowned and started pacing around the kitchen. His mind was swarming with too many questions and too many loose threads. "Wait. But you believe me when I tell you I'm not going anywhere, right? You said you believed me." 

Keith set his chocolate down and slid off the counter. "I believe that you mean it when you say it. I don't believe anyone will stay with me forever, but I let myself hope it can be true when you say you want to stick around. Is that enough for you?" 

"Keith…." 

"Please don't try to fix me. Don't try to change my mind or expectations, I don't  _ need  _ that from you. I'm okay without marriage, without the absolute certainty of you staying. I don't need those things to be happy with you right now." 

Lance couldn't figure out what he felt. Was he insulted? That Keith still didn't believe they would stay together? Was that even rational? He was also flattered by the fact that Keith seemed to be happy with him regardless. 

It just seemed like Keith had different priorities and needs that differed from Lance's, which was fine, but how would it work in the long run? Hypothetically, if they did end up together to the end of time, would they just always be this nameless thing? He felt like screaming in frustration. 

"What happens," Lance began slowly, "if we're together for five or ten years? If we want a family and a house and a pet and all that stuff? You still wouldn't want to get married? That still wouldn't be the next step?"

"A family…." Keith looked like a deer in headlights at the term. Like everything else Lance had said fuzzed out. 

"Oh my God. You're just afraid of commitment."

"What, no I'm not! Lance, we're settling our differences about marriage, then you just whip out this concept of family! I haven't thought this far ahead, I don't want to! I like what we have right now, I want to enjoy it. We can worry about the future later if we ever feel we need to ask these questions. Right now… this is still new. We're still working toward becoming official. Don't you think it's a bit much to be questioning marriage and children right now?" 

Lance crossed his arms and shrugged. "Yes, I know, I'm not trying to propose right now or anything…. But if we can't agree, what are we supposed to do down the line?" 

"We can worry about that later." Keith walked toward him and wrapped his arms around him. He took a nervous breath then said, "Lance, I know these things made sense for...you and Allura. I know you planned to marry her and start a family and…." Keith pulled back, cupping Lance's face. Lance had a painful knot lodged in throat, keeping him from responding. "I'm not her, Lance. I'm not. Your expectations can't be the same for us as they were with her." 

"I  _ know  _ that," Lance said, voice barely even a broken whisper. 

Keith nodded and kissed him gently. "This is what I know," he said. "I know that I like you. A lot. That I want to learn how to do this right with you, that I want to be with you for as long as I can. I know that you make me happy. That I barely see you during the week, so I really want to enjoy our weekends together. That maybe our plans will change in the future, that they can. But that's for the future. Right now, let's just… be two college students head over heels for each other." 

"I can't just give up on my beliefs-" 

"I'm not asking you to. I'm not telling you to forget about the expectation of marriage you have. I'm saying that right now I don't agree with it, and that if things somehow fall into place it can be something we talk about and find a compromise with-" 

"You can't compromise marriage-" 

"Oh my God." 

"Would you just listen?" Lance shouted. 

"I am! Okay, I have been listening. We-" Keith sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He took a deep breath and shook his head. "Look, we've got different views for different reasons. That's fine. This isn't something that we have to solve right now. We can talk about this later when we're ready for it." He walked toward Lance, gently touching his face. "Can we take things step by step? See if we even get to a point where we need to talk about that?" 

Lance furrowed his eyebrows. Would the conversation be different a year or two from now? They would have more to go off of, more experience together. And they would also have more to lose. 

"Sweetheart. Stop trying to figure out the future. I mean, did you think, six months ago, that you would fall for someone like me? For a guy? Could you have possibly guessed that something like that would happen?" 

"No," Lance answered begrudgingly. 

"Then stop trying to think about what might or might not happen five or ten years from now. I might change my mind, I might not. You might change your mind you might not. We might end up together, we might split up, we might get married, we might just be each other's good memories. There's so many possibilities and regardless of what we want to happen and what we believe now, we can't know for sure." Keith took Lance's hands and held them tightly. "Living in the past made me bitter. Trying to live for the future left me disappointed. I just want to enjoy what I have now. What we have." 

Lance deflated and eventually nodded. He lived in the past long enough for it to erase who he was. He didn't like planning for the future either because he had proof things didn't tend to go as planned. Keith was right. They just needed to enjoy their morning and their hot chocolate. 

"Okay," he whispered. "It can be something we bring up down the line. I'm sorry. I just needed you to know why it matters-" 

"I do know, baby. I know why a wedding in a nice church surrounded by family matters to a poet, to a boy with his heart on his sleeve. I don't expect you to agree with me or change your mind, I just don't want it to be something that drives us apart." Keith pulled him closer and rested their foreheads together. "You mean too much to me now." 

"I'm sorry," he repeated helplessly. 

Keith shook his head and kissed him. 

Why couldn't Lance learn to leave well enough alone? Why was he always pushing their limits? 

"Lance," Keith chastised softly. "It's okay." 

"I know I can be a lot-" 

"No you're not." 

"I can, I know it, and I'm too much someti-" 

Keith put his hands on each cheek and narrowed his eyes. "Lance. Listen to me. You are not too much. Not for me." He said it so fiercely, so certainly, like he took it as a personal offense that Lance would ever think that. He looked into Lance's eyes, frantic and genuine. "Tell me if we're okay."

Lance gulped and nodded slowly. "We're okay," he whispered. Keith nodded, and as if to affirm it, he pulled Lance into a soft, hesitant kiss. Lance melted into it, allowing Keith to reassure him with each movement of their lips, each soft breath swallowed by the other. "We're okay," Lance repeated, feeling more certain of it. Keith hummed and deepened the kiss, the taste of chocolate still on his tongue. 

When their kiss slowed again, Lance wrapped his arms around Keith, nuzzling his face in the crook of his neck. He inhaled the comforting, indescribable scent that was so inherently Keith. Months ago, it wouldn't have been Keith reassuring him and holding him. They had grown in the last handful of months. They would grow more until this was stable, and it was okay if it wasn’t just yet. 

“I’m gonna wash up a bit, alright?” Keith said softly. Lance nodded. He felt him press a kiss to his cheek before pulling away. 

Lance grabbed his hot chocolate and sat down at the couch. He turned the TV on, mindlessly flipping through shows to watch before finding something bland enough to use as background noise in order to work on homework. He went through the routine of opening up each assignment tab and his school and personal email before noticing an email from Dr. Westley. 

_ Lance- Here’s the schedule for the TA position along with responsibilities, should you choose to take it. Let me know if you have questions about it. Give me your decision by Friday next week. I really look forward to working with you, but only take it if you feel ready for it. Best- SW _

He stared at the screen until his eyes started picking up on the square pixelations, the letters becoming tiny, tiny blocks that demanded Lance’s decision. 

“What’s with the look of terror?” Keith asked as he came back to the living room. He had half his hair up in an elastic band, the skin of his face looked a little pink from being washed. When he sat beside Lance, his breath smelled minty. “Who’s that? What TA position?” 

“She’s my old poetry professor. She wants me to be her TA, and I’m… not sure I want to take the job.” 

“Is it paid?” Lance nodded. “So your apprehension is because of the fact that it deals with poetry?” Lance grimaced then nodded again. “But you read poetry. You won't have to write poems with her, just help read the class ones, right? And talk about them?" 

"Well, yeah…." Lance slouched and crossed his arms. He wasn't… sure what was holding him back.

Keith let the silence stretch for a bit before saying, "I think you just don't want to try letting poetry back in." Lance shot Keith a glare. "Don't look at me like that. You know I'm right. I just mention poetry and you close yourself off. Arms crossed, flitting eyes, all of it. You  _ know  _ that taking this position will give you the urge to write again and you don't want to face that decision." 

"Why are you psycho-analyzing me right now?" 

Keith shrugged. "You're the one who decided to get in the sheets with a psych major." 

"First of all, I didn't know that when we tangled in the sheets, so technically that's entrapment." Keith rolled his eyes and pinched his side. "Ah! Second, I need you to be my exclusive partner and not my therapist right now." 

Keith smirked and ran a finger along Lance's jawline. "Is that the term we're using?" Lance shrugged. "Well, as an 'exclusive partner' my advice is- stop skirting around it, buck up, and take the job." 

"And if it  _ is  _ too much? If it just messes with my head? I can't just quit being a TA mid-semester. I can't fuck Dr. Westley over like that." 

"Then don't. Lance, you can do this. At best, it might get you writing again. At worst, it'll be… tough to get through. But that's why you have your siblings, Hunk, Pidge, and me." Keith sighed and cupped Lance's face with one hand. "If you take it, it might suck. But if you don't, you're gonna be questioning what would have happened if you did. It's up to you whether you can handle that regret or not." He kissed him, a soft reassurance before pointing at the screen. "Answer by Monday," he said firmly. 

Lance grunted, but he nodded. He kept wanting someone else to choose for him, but he knew it was his own responsibility. No one could choose but him. 

"When did you decide to become the stable, rational one between us?" Lance muttered. 

Keith simply laughed and shook his head. He slouched a bit and pulled out his readings. Lance settled for running his fingers through his hair, letting himself enjoy the moment, the now, and all the emotions that came from it. 


	23. Addiction

Keith didn’t get to see Lance nearly as much as he wanted anymore. Even on weekends when they hung out, they were usually in a group with Hunk and Pidge as they worked on homework for the coming week. 

Their classes clashed, with Lance’s early in the morning and Keith’s in the afternoon. Lance had taken the TA position which had him busy almost all the time, and Keith had rehearsals  _ and  _ a weekend job at a local bookstore. Shiro would be moving out when he graduated, and Keith really didn’t want to think about the level of symbolism in that. He had to save money to manage the house on his own once Shiro left; he didn’t want to depend on Shiro once he was gone, no matter how much he insisted he could still help Keith. 

He was tired, he was stressed, and he missed Lance. It was the perfect way to make him short-tempered and snippy with his dance group, which had them all eager to leave. 

While he gathered his things, Alexa was talking to Roland who’d stopped by with his little brother for the last bit of rehearsal. She was unsubtly talking about Keith’s short fuse, which only irritated him further. 

“Take it easy, Alexa,” Roland said, catching his brother’s jacket as he ran past. “Benny, stay with me, you can’t just run around.” Keith shouldered his backpack and walked over to them. “Everything okay with...?” 

“Yeah, it’s  _ fine, _ ” he said. He saw Alexa and Roland share a look. “Stop that. Look, it’s just a busy time for everyone.” 

“Okay, but you guys didn’t even celebrate Valentine’s Day,” Alexa said. 

“Whoa, what?” Roland nudged Benny away, and the kid set off running and cartwheeling around the wide room. “How could you not celebrate Valentine’s day?” he asked. 

Keith let out a frustrated huff and shrugged. “It’s… different. Lance doesn’t like the day. Besides, we’re not-”

“If you say it’s because you’re not official, I’m gonna punch you, I swear,” Alexa said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Why doesn’t he like the day?” 

Keith grimaced. “Not for me to say.” 

He’d been surprised too. He’d been racking his brain for something monumentally special for the two of them to do for that day for the whole week before. Something that would rival their past dates, something perfect for that beautiful, romantic, poetic soul. It’d been driving him crazy. 

Then, the weekend before just as they were getting ready for bed, Lance sat on his bed and nervously said, “So… I think you should know that… um, I don’t really want to do Valentine’s Day….” 

Keith walked out of the bathroom, foamy toothbrush in hand. “What?” 

Lance shrugged, not meeting his eyes. “I don’t want to celebrate it. I don’t know if you do, but… it’s just….” 

Keith went back into the bathroom to rinse his mouth before he sat beside Lance, trying to understand. “Is this like… a fuck you to capitalizing off relationships, or?” Lance hadn’t answered. Keith couldn’t even be sure he’d heard him. “Lance?” 

After a while, Lance sighed and shut his eyes. “Did you want to do something? I didn’t ruin any like… big plans did I?” 

“No. No, you didn’t.” Keith took his hand and held it tightly. “Sweetheart, you gotta talk to me. What’s going through your head?” 

Lance winced and made himself smaller. It was something Keith hated to see. Something he recognized as a reaction whenever Lance thought he was being a problem. When he felt he was becoming an inconvenience. 

The silence became unbearable by the time Lance said, “I don’t want to upset you.” 

“You’re not. I just don’t get why you don’t like it if you’re such a romantic.”

Lance pulled his hand away and stood up to pace. “I keep… I know it bothers you, and I know you’re trying not to let it, and I’m sorry. You’re allowed to get frustrated, okay, it’s only fair-”

That’s when it clicked. The way Lance skirted around it, the panic seeping into his body. 

“It’s Allura, isn’t it?” 

The lack of an answer was an answer itself. Lance still refused to look at him. He looked like he was waiting to get yelled at, which Keith couldn’t understand because he’d never used his pain against him, never threw it in his face. He wanted Lance to feel safe telling him about these things. 

“Okay. That’s okay. I get that. We don’t have to do anything. It’s alright.” He stood up to get closer to Lance, not sure if he should touch him or not. “I’m not mad.” 

“Because you don’t think you should be?” Lance’s eyes finally met his, and Keith couldn’t hide the hurt expression on his face quick enough. “You get upset when I bring her up. You can barely say her name. And I get it, but I’d rather you be honest-”

“Lance, stop.” Keith cupped his face and sighed. “I’m not mad. Sometimes it stings, sure, but… I don’t want you to feel like you can’t tell me when you feel like this. Like you can’t tell me when you miss her. If I’m gonna figure out a way to be as okay with this as I want to be, then you need to talk to me.” 

Lance must have been holding himself together for a while, because that had been enough to have him collapsing into Keith’s arms. By the time Keith had gotten him to the bed where he could hold him properly, comfort him with a gentle hand in his hair, Lance had begun to explain. 

He told Keith about the one Valentine’s Day he’d spent with her, how much planning went into it and how much it meant to him, how much he held onto that date after she died, how he couldn’t stomach the idea of sharing that day with someone else. 

“It’s not because I don’t want to, because you mean so much to me, Keith,” he immediately added. 

Keith sighed and shook his head. “You don’t have to defend your feelings for me, Lance.” 

It hurt, of course. Keith wouldn’t tell him that, though. Wouldn’t tell him that he’d been looking forward to his first Valentine’s Day with someone. Because this mattered more. This feeling of mourning that still shrouded the day, still made it something special that reminded him of Allura.

But that had been a couple weeks ago, and Valentine’s Day came and went like any other day. They’d spent time together since, grouped up with Hunk and Pidge to see a movie before staying up late to get in some last minute work. It wasn’t Valentine’s Day that bothered him. 

“You should talk to him. Tell him that you want to take a day to just be special for you both,” Alexa said. 

“Wow, look at you promoting communication,” Roland joked. 

She glared at him and shrugged. “Yeah, my girlfriend’s been drilling into my head because I’m too ‘distant’ sometimes,” she said, adding air quotes to the word. 

“You have a girlfriend?” Keith asked, unable to hide his surprise. 

Of course, Alexa took it as an insult and punched his shoulder. “Fuck you. Don’t sound shocked. It’s  _ new,  _ okay? Besides, we’re talking about your relationship. Or lack thereof, I guess.” Keith rolled his eyes. “Seriously, how much longer are you gonna be dragging out this no-label thing?” 

“That- Wait. You’re  _ still  _ not official?” Roland asked. Keith huffed and crossed his arms. 

“See, at least I had the balls to ask my girl out,” Alexa said under her breath. “Speaking of, I gotta go meet her. See you Monday, tell Lance I said hi.” She waved and rushed out the door, leaving Keith with Roland. 

Benny was still doing cartwheels, all flush-faced and oblivious. Keith wondered when the last time he’d felt that carefree had been. 

“I don’t mean to sound egotistic, but… is it my fault?” Roland asked.

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and looked at him, confused. “Is what your fault?” 

He shrugged and tugged on his beanie like he always did when he was nervous. “Just… you not wanting to call him your boyfriend.” Keith clenched his jaw. “I know… I know I’d bitch at you about it when you used that word with me, and I guess…. I don’t know, did I-”

“It’s not your fault,” Keith said quickly, desperate to stop the direction of the conversation. “It has nothing to do with you, really. There’s just some stuff we gotta work through before… you know.” 

“No, not really….” Roland kicked at the ground. “That’s what a relationship is. You work through stuff. At this point, you’re skirting around it, and it doesn’t really make sense.” Before Keith could snap at him, Roland put his hands up in defense. “Look, I know, of all people, it’s not my place. But I see how happy you are with him. How happy he is with you. If I had that with someone, I’d be jumping to make it official, because I’ve made the mistake of not doing it before and trust me, not having a label doesn’t minimize the hurt if things go south.” Keith stared at him, wide-eyed. Roland blushed, his whole face turning pink. He sighed and shrugged again. “Sorry. That was… out of line.”

“It’s fine,” Keith mumbled. 

Roland nodded. “I just think that maybe that’s why this distance bothers you. Because you know you aren’t official, and if you were, you wouldn’t be so anxious about having so much time apart. I’m gonna shut up now, because I really shouldn’t be the one giving you dating advice.” 

Keith chuckled softly and shook his head. “Guess someone had to say it.” Roland didn’t answer. He just kept his head down and ran his shoe over the carpet over and over. Keith bit his lip and took a deep breath. “You’re gonna do it right next time, you know? I believe that.” 

“Huh?” 

Keith met his eyes and managed a smile. “Next time you wanna be with someone. You’ll get it right. And it’ll be good, and you deserve that. I mean it.” Roland scoffed and turned away, his face closer to red this time. “I’m trying to be nice here.” 

Roland seemed on the verge of saying something before he second guessed it. “I have responses to that. They’re just too late.” Keith furrowed his eyebrows, unsure what he meant. But Roland took a breath and lifted his chin. “Thanks. I guess I’ll believe it when it happens. I should get Benny home, it’ll be dark soon.” 

“Yeah, I’ll walk out with you guys.” 

Roland nodded and called for Benny. He adjusted his jacket and his beanie and his scarf despite Benny’s protests. Keith couldn’t help but laugh at how protective Roland could be. Benny asked for a piggyback ride, and to no one’s surprise, Roland gave in and let his brother climb onto his back before they walked out. 

“You’re still rooming with Hunk, right?” Keith asked. Roland nodded. “How is that?” 

Roland shrugged. “Good. It’s kind of funny watching him skirt around with Pidge when she comes over too. I try to give them space when I can. But he’s a great roommate and he says I can stay however long I need to as long as I help with the basics. It feels… nice to live somewhere I can just be, you know?” 

“Rolo, is Hunk the nice guy who gives me cookies?” Benny asked. Roland nodded. “Yeah, he’s super nice.” Keith smiled and nodded in agreement. Once they reached Keith’s motorcycle, Benny’s eyes lit up. “I wanna ride it!” 

“You’re crazy.” 

“ _ You  _ got to ride on it!” Benny accused his brother. 

Keith laughed nervously and shrugged. “Um. I mean, I could take him around the parking lot and just be slower?” 

Roland hesitated, but Benny started yanking at his neck, pleading for permission. “Fine, but you can’t tell Mom and Dad. They’ll kill me.” 

“Okay, I promise, I promise!” 

He let go of his hold on Roland to jump to the ground and ran to the motorcycle. Keith helped him up onto the seat and put the helmet on him. It was way too big for the kid, but it was better than nothing. Keith got on behind him, making sure Benny wasn’t in the way of anything and told him to hold on. 

“Behave, Benny and don’t try to do anything you see on TV, it doesn’t work like that,” Roland said, dropping the visor on the helmet. “Don’t go too fast, Keith-”

“I know. I’m not an idiot,” Keith said. “Relax. Ready, kid?” Benny nodded. Keith started the motorcycle and took off, staying within the speed limit of the parking lot. He rode around the lot once, then twice, then one more time because Benny was laughing so much. 

By the time they got back to Roland, Benny was giggling incessantly, wobbly legged as he got down. “I’mma get one when I grow up,” he stated. 

Roland rolled his eyes and took the helmet off. “Say thank you.” 

“Thank you!” 

Keith smiled at him. He took the helmet from Roland and put it on.

“Thanks for doing that. I think you made his year,” Roland said. Keith laughed and nodded. “I’ll see you around. Get home safe.” Roland took Benny’s hand and walked toward his car. 

Keith left the parking lot and headed home. Kosmo greeted him a heavy and enthusiastic tail that thwacked Keith’s legs as he jumped up for affection. Shiro and Adam were at the dining table with a binder and a laptop spread out along with their dinner. 

“Hey, Keith. You want dinner, or you heading out?” Adam asked through a mouthful. 

“I’m heading out,” he said. He walked over to greet them and see what they were looking at. “Oh those are nice,” he said, pointing at silver centerpieces shaped like bare trees with luminescent lights. 

“We’re trying to figure the budget out before we make choices,” Shiro said. Keith hummed and nodded. Shiro regarded him for a moment. “Hey, so I have a question.” 

“Shiro,” Adam warned. 

Keith simply raised an eyebrow. Shiro ignored Adam’s tone and asked, “Are you gonna have Lance move in with you?” 

“ _ What?”  _

Adam sighed and put his head in his hands. Shiro shrugged. “You guys are always together and if he’s not here you’re there. I was just wondering if that was your plan because you haven’t looked for roommates-”

“Look, I wouldn’t even know where to start, I don’t like sharing my space with strangers. I did that all my life, it’s not comfortable. But n-no, Lance isn’t moving in with me. That’s too… I don’t know. There’s connotations with that, and neither of us are ready for that.” 

Shiro seemed pleasantly surprised. “Look at you being mature.” Keith scowled, which only made Shiro’s shit-eating grin get wider. “We could also help you look for a smaller place.” 

“I like it here. I wanna keep it. I’ll figure something out, don’t worry. You’re not even moving out yet.” 

“And you can choose whoever you want to room with. There’s two bedrooms here after all,” Adam said.

"Thank you, Adam," Keith said, pointedly glaring at Shiro. 

As he walked back to his room, he heard Shiro mutter, "Kiss ass." 

Keith grabbed a few changes of clothes and food for Kosmo before saying goodbye and heading to the car. He started for Lance’s, shaking off the residual awkwardness of talking to Roland. The past just really liked to come up and bite Keith in the ass, and it was tiring. 

Although, Keith had said it himself at one point. He’d said that it was easier not to bother with a label because it would be one less ex to worry about, one less person to break his heart. If he was honest, that concept was out the window. He was planning on staying with Lance for as long as he could, and if Lance ever wanted to let him go, it would hurt. It would hurt worse than it hurt with anyone else before. Whether Keith called him his boyfriend or not. 

As for figuring out ways to work with Lance’s feelings about Allura, Keith wasn’t even sure when he’d be “ready.” He didn’t know how to define ready, how to know he would never again feel a slight tug of jealousy in his chest because of her, how to know he was okay. Maybe he never would be, just like Lance would never be able to leave her behind. And maybe that was okay. 

The radio cut out as a call came in. A feminine, robotic voice announced Lance’s name, and Keith pressed a button to answer it. 

“Hey, sweetheart,” he greeted. 

“Mi vida, donde estas? You’re still coming over today right?” 

“Yeah, practice went a little later than usual, but I’m on my way.” Kosmo barked from the backseat. “ _ We’re  _ on the way,” Keith corrected with a chuckle. 

“Thank God. I have a very big urge to hold you, and as you can imagine, that’s a struggle without you here.” 

Keith felt his cheeks heat up at the statement, and he smiled to himself. “Well, I’ll be right over to fix that for you, darling.” After a moment he added, “Everything okay?” 

“Yeah. I mean it was a long day, but it’s a Friday, so…. Not too bad.” 

Keith hummed in response. “Okay. We’ll be there soon.” 

“Okay, see you in a bit!” Lance hung up and the music began again. 

Vaguely, Keith wondered when he’d gotten so comfortable with the feeling of helpless adoration that came from simply hearing Lance’s voice. He wondered when he’d chipped that last crumbling bit of guarded wall, how he hadn’t even noticed it weathering away. It almost felt like it’d always been this way, like he’d always been open and bare for Lance because that made sense. There was no possible universe in which he didn’t belong to Lance entirely and willingly this way, no universe in which Lance didn’t belong to him in this pure, encompassing way. 

When he got to the apartment complex, Kosmo immediately trotted along the familiar path, leading Keith to Lance’s door before sitting patiently on the welcome mat. Keith knocked, and when the lock clicked, Kosmo stood and started wagging his tail. He was in before Keith, jumping against Lance’s legs in excitement with enough strength to have him stumble back a step. 

“Whoa, hey buddy! I missed you too! Yes I did, you beautiful boy, hello!” Lance laughed as Kosmo strained to reach up and lick his face. 

Keith smiled at the sight, waiting his turn until Kosmo settled down and walked around the apartment, reacquainting himself with it. Keith’s smile grew wider when Lance turned to him with bright eyes, causing a nervous, jittery feeling in the pit of Keith’s stomach. 

God. Lance really looked at him like  _ that?  _ Every time? 

Lance’s arms wrapped around him, his warm face buried in the crook of his neck as he breathed out, “Te extrañé tanto.” 

When Lance spoke Spanish, his voice sounded slightly different. A little sharper, but musical. And the words became familiar to Kaith’s mind despite still being foreign to his tongue, but he was working on it. 

“I missed you too,” Keith answered, pulling back slightly to find his lips and kiss him gently. “How was your week?” 

Lance groaned. “Busy. And so is next week. How are we already at midterms, it feels like the semester just started.” Lance kissed him quickly before pulling away. “What about yours? James still got you doing extra rehearsals with him?” 

“Yes,” Keith said with a roll of his eyes. “It just feels like there’s not a lot of down time, and all these graduation preparations that I keep putting off are in the back of my head.” Keith sat on the couch, catching the last bit of an episode of a sitcom Lance liked as white noise. His eyes fell to the papers on the table and the unfamiliar names at the top of broken lines. “Work from your poetry students?” 

“Yeah, new weekly poems.” 

Keith leaned forward, skimming the top poem. Lance must have been in the middle of annotating it. His thin, slanted handwriting was in the white spaces of the page and impressively straight lines made certain phrases stand out. 

“You had workshops this week, right?” Keith asked. “How were they?” 

“God, Keith I wish you could sit in on some of them. Like, reading it is one experience, but hearing them? Hearing the writers say it with their voice, their breaks, their- Oh!” He rushed out of the kitchen, briefly licking his thumb before he sifted through a pile of papers and handed him one. “This one. It’s so powerful, then you hear the poet read it aloud and, God, I got  _ chills.  _ She’d speed up and slow down and get louder and softer. It was… it was amazing.” Lance sighed and pointed at the paper in Keith’s hands before heading back to the kitchen. “She’s working on a manuscript, and she asked me if I would be able to help her with feedback.” 

Keith’s eyebrows went up, but he couldn’t help the smile on his face. He liked how Lance got when he talked about his students. When he talked about their writing. It was a part of him that was new for Keith to see, but just as enrapturing. He’d talk with his hand even more, barely even able to make coherent sentences. He rambled and broke his sentences off before they made sense, overwhelmed with the emotion of the poem or the student. He called each poem an experience, and he described them as such. Keith loved watching and listening to every second. 

Keith read the poem, impressed by the language and the wordplay that allowed for a certain flow, but he couldn’t really see what made it so impressive or special. He figured it might be different if Lance read it, or if he’d heard the girl say it. 

“What’d you tell her?” he asked when Lance came back to sit with him. “What were you doing?” 

“Cookies. I wanted chocolate.” Lance sighed and took the paper, skimming over it. “I mean. She just asked me yesterday after class. I won’t see her until Tuesday, but she said she could email me some poems over the weekend. I… I  _ want  _ to say yes. But I’m also kind of scared.” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows as he leaned into Lance, melting against his side. “Of what?” 

“That… that I’d be more overwhelmed by jealousy and wouldn’t be helpful? She’s doing what I always wanted to, she’s working so hard for it. And she deserves it, Keith, she really does! I mean look at this!” He pointed at the line as he read, “ _ He devours my heart by the hour calling it love, says it’s ours, says I’m art, still I cower and hurt.  _ All those ‘ow’ sounds and the art endings, the way they- they sound like  _ music,  _ but it still hurts, it’s- God.” His hand idly began to push through Keith’s hair, twirling the ends around the tip of his middle finger. “I want to help her, b-”

“So do it. It might inspire you to start your manuscript,” Keith said. 

Lance let out a long sigh. “Maye it could,” he said. Not like he believed it, but like he hoped it. It was still different from where he was a month ago. “I mean I did start it. Back in my freshman year, sort of. Just two poems, then a list of things I would write about.”

“Really?” Keith asked in surprise. Lance nodded. “Have you read them to me?” 

“No…. I don’t think you’d want me to.”

Keith frowned and took his hand. “Was it gonna be about her?” 

“About falling in love…. It was going to follow the journey of the start of our relationship to marriage. And if I got the audience for a second book, I was going to write about being married, maybe starting a family.” He scoffed at himself. “Not really sure if I could even use the poems, much less keep the idea, you know?” 

Keith hummed and played with Lance’s fingers, snuffing out the spark of jealousy that burst in his chest. “Maybe you could just start from scratch. Those poems might still get into the manuscript, but then you’re not just focused on what it was gonna be. You can make something new.” 

Lance chuckled and leaned over to set the paper down. When he sat back, he continued to push Keith's hair away from his face with gentle fingers. “Thank you for being so supportive,” he whispered. Keith sat up and faced him, half draped over his lap still. Lance tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. “Thank you for trying so hard and being patient.” He leaned forward and kissed Keith softly. 

Keith pulled back with a soft groan. “Lance. I mean it.” Lance sighed and sat back with a small smile on his lips, indulging him. “Don’t brush off my comments like you just want me to stop talking.” He shifted to straddle Lance, holding his face between his hands. “I’m not just pulling this stuff out of my ass because it’s what I’m  _ supposed  _ to do. It’s because I believe it, because I want it for you.” 

As he spoke, Lance’s eyes softened. One of his hands went up to Keith’s cheek, caressing him gently. Ocean irises flickered between Keith’s eyes, fully focused. His other hand was a comfortable weight rubbing slowly back and forth against Keith’s thigh. 

“I don’t just say these things because I think I have to, and you don’t have to stop me because you think it makes me uncomfortable or because you think I want you to keep Allura separate or-”

“I don’t. I don’t think that,” Lance said. He let his hand slide to the back of Keith’s neck pulling him in. He kissed him, not letting Keith pull back this time. “I believe you. Each time you tell me you want me to write, each time you reassure me; I believe everything you tell me. And it means everything to me.” 

“Uh-huh,” Keith said, eyeing him suspiciously. 

A dimpled smile spread on his face. “Dios mío, me vuelves loco.” 

“You can’t flatter me into dropping this, sweetheart.” 

“How about distracting you?” Lance pulled him in again, and Keith attacked his stomach with wiggling fingers. Lance broke away from the kiss to burst into laughter and grab Keith’s wrists. “No, no, no!” Keith laughed and towered over him, grabbing both of Lance’s wrists in one hand as the other mercilessly tickled his stomach until he toppled to his side. “Keith, stop- I ca-can’t breathe!” Lance let out a funny sounding peal of desperate laughter as he kicked out. 

A beeping sound came from the kitchen and made Lance gasp. 

“Wait! Wait, baby, my cookies!” Lance could barely choke out the words between breathless laughter. “Keith, se me van a quemar!” 

“What?” Keith finally ceased and Lance went boneless, gasping for breath and wincing in pain between weak chuckles. 

“My cookies,” he groaned.

Keith rolled his eyes and Lance toppled over to the floor before pulling himself up with a hand on his stomach. He walked to the kitchen, and Keith could only stare after him; the remnants of his smile on his lips, the gleam in his eyes as he inhaled the chocolate-y scent of cookies. 

He came back with the baking sheet and gathered his papers together to make room for it. He looked at Keith and raised an eyebrow. “What? What’s with the look?” 

Keith had no idea what he meant, but maybe his body did because the next words out of his mouth were, “I want us to be official.” 

Lance’s head snapped up from where he’d been focusing on keeping a gooey cookie together. “Wha- Ah! Ow!” He dropped the dessert and licked the tip of his fingers briefly before looking at Keith again. Meanwhile, Keith was still trying to catch up with his own mouth. “What did you just say?” Lance asked, refocused and disbelieving. 

Keith swallowed. “I said… I want us to be official. I want to be your boyfriend and I want you to be mine.” 

Lance stared at him wordlessly long enough for Keith to get nervous. “You….” He chuckled softly and moved to sit beside Keith, taking his hand. “What made you sure about it now?” he asked. 

With a shrug, Keith said, “Just…. Nothing’s changed since December except that I think I’ve fallen even more for you. I said… I wanted to wait to see how to manage being good at helping you when it comes to Allura, that I wanted to be okay with it, and- shit, I’m gonna talk in circles with this, just- Look, I don’t know if I’ll ever hear her name and not get a little jealous or a little stressed, but I know I’m not letting it get in the way of us and that I’m gonna prioritize you in those moments, always. That sounds… God, that sounds kind of shitty but- I can’t help the reaction in me, but I think… I think I can still be good for you. I can still help you if we just talk about it.” 

When he looked up from their clasped hands, he wasn’t surprised to meet watery, blue eyes. 

“I like being with you, Lance. And I’ll do whatever it takes to be a good boyfriend for you because I don’t want to lose you, and whatever else we want to figure out, we will. We’ll figure it out together as boyfriends.” Lance let out a nervous laugh and nodded. “I can’t give you an eloquent speech, but I can tell you that I want to be with you. All of these cuddly moments we have, even with all of our arguments, being away from you for a whole week before getting to be with you again, and our tickle fights…. I want to be with you. I want to be your boyfriend. So… will you be mine?” 

Warm hands lifted to cup his face as Lance crashed against him, kissing him like it was the goddamn end of the world. And maybe it was, maybe this was the genesis to their new one. He pulled away, staring at Keith with those piercing eyes and his precious tear-streaked face. “You’re not allowed to say you’re not good with words literally ever again.” Keith laughed and kissed him softly. Lance beamed at him with his dimpled smile and said, “Yes. God, yes! I’ve been waiting on you this whole time with that word on the tip of my tongue.”

Lance toppled Keith over, attacking his face with kisses. Then he gasped and lifted himself up, his hands digging into Keith's shoulders. "Oh my God, Keith- you're my first boyfriend!" 

"I am," he said softly.  _ And I hope you're my last.  _

"Oh my God, what day is it? March first? That's easy to remember. We should do monthiversaries, I've always wanted to and-" 

Keith laughed and pulled him into a kiss. "We could have weekiversaries if you wanted. Anything." 

The excited tension in Lance melted as he let his weight fall on Keith. "You're my boyfriend," he whispered. Keith nodded and brushed his nose against Lance's. "This is real. I'm your boyfriend." 

"It's real. I'm just sorry it took me so goddamn long to get my head out of my ass." 

"Mm." Lance shook his head and rested his head against Keith's chest. "No. This is a label. Something to make us concrete for everyone else. But we've been at this place for a long time now regardless of whether we named it or not." Lance took Keith's hand and pulled it to his lips. "This was good for us. Doing things our way." Lance tilted his head so his chin rested on Keith's sternum as he looked at him. "Because I haven't been so sure about something in a long time." 

Keith smiled and ran his finger over Lance's lower lip. "Mi vida." 

Lance's eyes went comically wide in the same amount of time it took for his face to turn red. "You're trying to  _ murder  _ me!" he groaned as he sat up shoving his hands in Keith's face. 

Keith laughed and grabbed his wrists to move them away. "What? I'm working on picking up the language. Got the creepy Duolingo owl after me every day to prove it." 

"What?" Lance laughed and furrowed his eyebrows. "Why? Do I speak it too much around you? I try not to say things you wouldn't understand-" 

"No, no, no," Keith interrupted. "I like that you speak it around me. I like the way you sound. I wanted to learn it anyway because…." Keith blushed and looked away, focusing on Kosmo and his twitching hind leg as he slept by the TV. He let out a huff of air and rubbed the back of his neck. "I've just noticed that when your mom calls, you talk in Spanish more, or she'll respond mostly in Spanish. I figured if I learned it, I wouldn't be as lost whenever I meet her and your dad. I don't know about speaking it, but-" 

He was cut off when he was practically shoved back against the couch and straddled, Lance holding his face between his hands as he kissed him so fiercely that Keith's mind went blank. "Por el amor de Dios," Lance growled against his lips. Keith gasped and let Lance take over, let himself get carried away by the kisses left against his neck. "You're beautiful, you're wonderful, you're perfect, you're-" Lance didn't finish what he was saying before his lips were back on Keith's mouth. 

Keith couldn’t help but laugh into it. He wrapped his arms around Lance and lost himself in the kiss until it became softer. He let it dissolve into small pecks which further eased into brushing smiles and bumping noses. 

Lance sighed heavily and settled into the space beside Keith, playing with his hand. “Did I tell you that I’m planning on telling my parents during spring break?” Keith raised an eyebrow. “Yeah. And… if it goes well, I figured we could meet them for coffee whenever they were ready. ‘Cause y’know, Mami’s rule about the house, so….” 

“That’s… more nerve-wracking than I thought it would be in theory,” Keith said, chuckling to hide his nervousness. He’d never met anyone’s parents, never had to. But he knew this was important, especially for Lance who cared so much about his family. Frankly, he didn’t care if Lance’s parents didn’t like him, he could live with that, probably. He just hoped they did for Lance’s sake. No matter how much Lance said their opinion wouldn’t change his feelings, it didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt him if the openly disliked Keith. 

“It’ll be okay,” Lance said, though he sounded nervous too. “You know, let’s not think about that right now. I just… God, I just want to bask in this. I wanna tell everyone, but also I just wanna enjoy it alone before I have to retell.” Lance lifted his head and furrowed his eyebrows. “Where did that come from, by the way? If I’m honest, I half expected you to ask while we were on a date or… after sex like the last time.” 

Keith shrugged and splayed his fingers out for Lance to continue playing with, pressing their fingertips together before weaving his fingers between the spaces. “I guess…. The way you get excited when you talk about something you like. How authentic you are, you know, getting excited about cookies. How much you make sense for me. Being here, being with you just makes sense even if it’s not like before when we were always together. I wasn’t really… planning on asking like that. It sort of… slipped out on an impulse.” 

“Oh the pinnacle of romance,” Lance teased. 

“You know, I can take it back-”

“No! No you can’t! Don’t you fucking try!” 

Keith laughed and Lance grumbled, elbowing his side. He pulled Lance closer, slotting himself perfectly against his side. The sitcom continued playing, but Keith didn’t think either of them were paying much attention to it. They were too swept up in each other. Keith would have suggested a date if it wasn’t already late and if he didn’t have work the next day, but Lance seemed content simply sharing body heat as their hands intertwined. 

\--

"What's with the dopey smile?" 

Keith bit his lip and glanced at his boss as he fixed the books on the shelf. "Nothing. Just… happy." 

"Uh-huh. I assume we're expecting that pretty blue-eyed boy in here on your break?" Keith smiled cheekily. "Well, just don't let your boyfriend hold you past your 45 minutes." Keith nodded and rolled his cart to the next aisle to slot another book on the shelf. His boss peeked around the corner. "Wait. No correction this time?" 

Keith smiled. "Nah." 

Her eyes widened. "No way! It's official? Since when?" 

"Last night," he answered. "Frankly, I still can't fully believe it. I stared at him for like ten minutes this morning trying to wrap my head around it."

She smiled and nudged his shoulder. "Well, well, I do believe this merits a congratulations! The other cashiers were starting to place bets." Keith frowned. "Small workplace, we all know each other's business." 

"Right." 

The front door jingled and a severely off key and loud rendition of Can You Feel the Love filled the small store. Keith winced, recognizing the voices. His boss just looked amused. 

"Guess they're here for you. Go ahead and take an early break." 

Keith thanked her and walked toward the front of the store where Hunk and Pidge were dramatically singing around a blushing Lance. He mouthed a sorry when he met Keith's eyes, but Keith could only laugh. 

"You guys want to get me fired," he said over their singing. 

"Oh please. What did you expect us to do when we found out?" 

"Wait till Veronica gets word. The McClain siblings would probably throw a party," Hunk said. 

Keith chuckled and slipped his hand into Lance's. "Hey," he whispered. Lance smiled, and Keith had to suppress the butterflies that fluttered around his stomach at the sight of that cute dimple on his cheek. 

_ He's really mine. _

"God it's everything we didn't have to suffer when they first started seeing each other," Pidge muttered. "Expect lots of teasing on our end." 

Lance huffed and buried his face in Keith's neck. "It's been nonstop torment." 

"Ah, we'll get them back soon enough," Keith said. The comment made both Hunk and Pidge narrow their eyes as they tried to ignore their blush. "Let me go clock out for my break and we can get something to eat, okay?" He kissed Lance's cheek before he left, then again when he returned. Hunk and Pidge just shared a knowing smile. 

They stopped by a nearby outlet that had a series of stores and restaurants. It was nice and sunny, one of those days that signaled the beginning of spring just around the corner. The decorative trees along the sidewalk had begun to sprout colorful flower buds, and Pidge began to take pictures of them that quickly got photo bombed by Hunk and Lance. Eventually, she just started taking pictures of them in legit poses as Keith watched from over her shoulder. 

His eyes drifted to the people passing them, amused at the antics of the two. He saw the way that Lance drew people's eyes. His presence was so big, so bright that people just had to turn to look at him. Eyes had to linger. Whispers had to be shared. 

Keith looked at him as he laughed and Pidge took a candid of it. What a fucking privilege it felt to know that he had the chance to see that smile almost daily, that he got to kiss those lips without reserve, that such a beautiful person… was his boyfriend. 

"Send those to me?" Keith asked. 

Pidge snorted. "Like you have to ask. Now get your ass over there. Time for your first picture as an official couple." She shoved him forward, and he stumbled toward Lance. 

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Lance asked. His cheeks were flushed from the brisk wind and the laughter he'd been sharing with Hunk. 

Keith shrugged and pulled him closer. "Just feel really, really lucky." Lance blushed in response. Then, hoping that everyone would see, Keith cupped his face and pulled him into a kiss. 

In the background, he could hear Pidge making a fuss like some high end photographer. "Angles darlings, work with me here, show the passion!" 

Eventually it was too ridiculous, and they broke apart to laugh. 

"I sent them to both of you for your official announcement posts," Pidge said as they kept walking. Keith kept an arm around Lance's waist and Lance's hand tucked into his back pocket. 

"I can't post until I tell my parents. After that, I'll share it," Lance said. Keith nodded in understanding. "You can post it though, babe."

"Are you sure?" 

Lance nodded. "Yeah! I just know if I post it my cousins are bound to gossip and spread it to my parents in like… five minutes. Go ahead. Twenty bucks says Vero calls within two minutes of your post." 

Keith smirked and posted the photo with only the date of March first as his caption. 

Lance beamed at him and kissed his cheek. 

By the time they reached a place to eat and Keith pulled his phone out, there were dozens of notifications on his phone. Considering the fact that he rarely posted, much less a photo of himself, it seemed he'd gotten people's attention. The fact that it was a photo of him kissing someone seemed to make it even more groundbreaking. 

Comments flowed in, mostly positive. 

"Jeez, I had no idea you were such an  _ influencer,"  _ Lance said, peeking over his shoulder. 

"I'm not. People just follow me but I don't know who they are half the time. They mostly pop up after dance shows or whatever." 

Lance hummed and rolled his eyes. "It's called being hot, babe." His eyes widened as he looked at the comments. "Oh boy." 

The four of them crowded around the phone. Veronica's account was spamming the comments. 

"I'm waiting on the phone call," Hunk whispered. The second he finished saying that, Lance's phone started ringing. 

"Dios ayúdame," Lance muttered. He answered and winced as loud, quick Spanish came through the speaker. It was loud enough to make Keith, Hunk, and Pidge freeze as they stared at each other. 

An amused smile began to spread on Pidge's face as Lance tried to speak over Veronica. 

He sighed then looked at Hunk. "Can you order for me? I'll be right back." He kissed Keith on the cheek and walked out to sit on a bench just outside the restaurant. 

"While he's out there, I guess we can give you our speech," Pidge said nonchalantly. Keith's eyes snapped from where Lance was back to Pidge and Hunk. 

"What?" 

"You know, best friend basics," she said. She looked at Hunk and nodded. 

Hunk took a deep breath and put his menu down. "Yeah, so… basically Lance means a lot to us, which you know by now." 

_ Oh my God _ . 

"And after everything he's been through, he deserves to be happy. We love you, and we love what you've done for Lance. You've basically brought him back to life. He was sort of himself before, but since he met you it's just…."

"Like he's not just pretending to be okay anymore. It's real," Pidge finished. They shared a look before looking at Keith. "It goes without saying, but… be careful with him. Be  _ good  _ to him. Because yes, we love you, but if you hurt our guy in any way whatsoever, I swear to  _ God-"  _

"Yeah, I… I get it," Keith said. "I won't hurt him." He let his eyes drift back to Lance where he was laughing and shaking his head. "I'd have to be an idiot to let him go." 

"Cool. Good to know we're all on the same page," Pidge said before sniffing behind her menu. 

Keith smiled to himself and kept staring out the window at Lance. He caught his eye and Lance just smirked and winked at him, making Keith's heart rate spike. 

Keith never thought he'd be so okay with being completely wrapped around someone's finger. 

\---

Keith groaned into the receiver as he listened to Shiro's over-the-top comments. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, the lone wolf has been tamed! The most eligible bachelor swept off his feet by ocean eyes! Who would have thought?" 

In the background, Keith could hear Adam shout, "Literally anyone who's been around the two of them together." 

Keith huffed. "Are you guys done?" 

"Not even close, but I'll save it in my arsenal for when I see you at home," Shiro answered. "In all seriousness, I'm happy for you, Hippo." Keith blushed. "Okay, I'll let you go. Adam and I have a movie to get to. Love you." 

"Love you too, Shiro. Bye." He hung up and smiled to himself. Despite spending so much time with congratulations and questions and continuously saying, "yes, we're official," Keith still couldn't fully believe it. 

He drove over to Lance's and let himself in to find him laying on the couch with Kosmo asleep on his stomach. He looked away from the paper he was holding over himself to look at Keith. A smile lit up his face immediately. 

"Hola, príncipe! Te extrañé. I'd get up, but Kosmo's all cozy." 

Keith laughed and walked over to him. He kissed him upside down before peeking at the paper. “How’s that poem?” 

Lance grunted. “Needs some work, but it’s got potential. It feels like he’s holding back.” Kosmo woke up briefly to stretch and hopped off the couch to curl up by the TV. “Perfect timing, I needed a break.” 

He stood up and left the poem on the coffee table. Keith followed him with his eyes, feeling every ounce of wonderment he’d suppressed at the beginning, and it felt like it was coming back tenfold.

Things had fallen into place so nicely. Even when everything that could have gone wrong did, they somehow managed to make it this far. Keith tried again to convince himself that it was real, that Lance was officially his boyfriend. That this time, he’d done things right; there was no rushing, no one sided sacrifices. Again, Keith found it hard to believe. Despite spending so much time with Lance, it felt like maybe they were still in that nameless place. 

“Okay, this is the hundredth time you’ve given me that look, and I need to know what’s going on,” Lance said, breaking him from his trance. Lance sat by him on the couch and tilted his head. “What are you thinking?” 

Keith sighed and reached out to touch his cheek. He was warm and soft. He stared into gorgeous blue irises that fascinated him no matter how often he looked at them. 

“That I can’t believe you’re real. Much less that we’re together. But at the same time, it feels so right, like it’s the only thing that makes sense…. I just… feel really lucky and like maybe I’m dreaming and I’ll wake up and this won’t be real, but…. I don’t know. I just.” He huffed in frustration, unable to find the words. Then he cupped Lance’s face and kissed him. 

Soft at first, their lips barely brushing together, gentle but insistent presses of their lips before Keith let his mouth fall open and Lance followed. The kiss escalated quickly, the urge to express what he couldn’t say through these actions suddenly too overwhelming to ignore. He needed every touch and kiss to express how mesmerized and captivated he was by Lance. He wanted to be sure Lance never doubted it, wanted to be sure Lance was aware of the way he had Keith in the palm of his hand. 

And how that was okay, because Keith trusted him not to take advantage of that, and that in itself was… confounding. But nice. 

“We-we’ve been together for- months now,” Lance muttered, muffled by Keith’s insistent lips. “Jus’ have a label now.” 

“Mm.” Keith pulled away, letting his finger trace along Lance’s jawline. “Yeah. It’s just…. It’s different. It- it’s not, but it is.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “Yes, it’s still you and me, and it’s still us doing what we always have but….” Keith sighed and huddled closer to him, indulging his need and desire for the closeness of Lance’s warmth. “I can tell it’s gonna be different. This time, being a boyfriend and having one is gonna be good. There’s… certainty in it.” Keith looked Lance in the eyes, a small smile tugging the corners of his mouth. “I’m not afraid of what it means or what it entails anymore because… well because you showed me what it’s supposed to be like. And I get to tell people we’re together without them asking questions or bothering with technicalities, and I love that.” 

Lance bit his lip and chuckled softly, disbelieving. He brushed his thumb along Keith’s cheek and nodded. He pulled one of Keith’s hands up to his lips and kissed it before pressing his forehead to Keith’s and shutting his eyes. 

There really was something beautiful about being able to give yourself over entirely to someone else without being  _ afraid.  _ Keith wasn’t afraid he’d leave or that Lance would hurt him in any way or that someone else would get between them. He wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable, he didn’t worry about it getting thrown in his face, he didn’t fear having it used against him. 

For once, Keith could just… feel. Without reserve, without hesitance. That safety was something Keith didn’t think existed. 

And yet here he was, kissing someone who made him feel like he never had before, kissing someone who reciprocated it and was unafraid to show it, kissing someone who let him feel safe and real and good. He didn’t need a stranger’s hands to validate him, he didn’t have to sacrifice in a way that left him feeling unequal, he didn’t doubt Lance’s feelings. 

This was everything Keith wanted and dreamed of. Everything he’d given up on expecting or looking for. 


	24. Side Effects

_ The curve of her lips when she  _

_ Smiles is my favorite shape _

_ The way she says my name _

_ Is my favorite song _

_ I love being cold because she _

_ Wraps her arms around me _

_ Until we are one source of heat _

_ I love being too warm  _

_ Because we’ve been pressed  _

_ Together for too long  _

_ She makes me love _

_ The extremities of life _

He felt conflicted as he read over the words he wrote as a freshman. He’d written that in ten minutes while Hunk cooked and Allura laughed at something on the TV instead of doing her homework. She made poetry so easy, and while he did have to revise it, coming up with the words just felt natural. They spilled onto his journals like the pages were made to be filled with his adoration for her. 

This wasn’t working. Sasha had recommended that he read over his old poems as a way to both get closure from them and inspire new ones, regardless of what they were about. All it was accomplishing was making him feel sad and frustrated. 

There was a knock on the door that had him frantically stuffing his journal away. He opened his bedroom door to find Veronica leaning against the doorframe. 

“You okay? You’ve been holed up in here almost all day.” 

Lance yawned and rubbed his face. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good. Just… thinking.” 

“About?” 

Lance shrugged and turned back to his bed. Veronica let herself into the room and sat on the edge, waiting for him to talk. 

“I wanna tell Mom and Dad. I just don’t really know how to….” He got up and started pacing, suddenly frustrated. “God, you know what sucks? That it wasn’t hard telling them about Allura. You know, that was ‘normal.’ I hate that this is different.”

“It doesn’t have to be-”

“Yeah, Vero, it does! Because it’s gonna take getting used to and Papi will probably shout and Mami will probably cry and it’s because it’s weird to them. Come on, you’ve heard how they talk. You know how religious Mami is. I didn’t freak out like this when I told them about Allura, and it feels so unfair to me and to Keith that I’m freaking out now, I mean-”

“Lance, you don’t have to tell them if you don’t want to,” she said, keeping her voice level while Lance panicked. 

He’d been dying to scream all day the more he thought about it. Luckily his parents were at the neighbor’s for a soccer game. Having Veronica here to vent to just gave him the excuse he needed. 

“I do want to. And even if I didn’t, I still have to tell them. Because I don’t want to hide Keith, I don’t want to hide myself anymore. I hate having to change his name and his picture on my phone. I hate having to change my screensaver. I hate having to tweak my stories so they don’t include him. He deserves better than that. Dammit, I deserve better than that, don’t I?” He started pacing again as Veronica followed his movements with his eyes. “I just… I want to stop tiptoeing and having to be so careful about what I say and when I say it and…. It’s  _ exhausting,  _ Vero. It….” 

He slumped to sit on the bed and put his head in his hands. 

“Lance?” Veronica scooted closer to him and nudged him. “Ey, que paso, manito?” 

Lance sighed and lifted his head. “I’m just tired of feeling like I’m holding my breath all the time. I feel like I’m suffocating.”

Veronica wrapped an arm around him and started rocking him side to side leisurely. “Listen. It’s only Thursday. You’ve got the rest of the week to figure out how to do this, okay? And they’ll understand why it took you so long to tell them. They’ll know they didn’t make it easy. And before you know it, you’ll be able to have all the cute pictures on your phone, and you can call him while Mami’s making dinner and you sit in the living room without worrying about it, and… it’ll be great.” 

He wanted to believe that. He really did. He wanted to believe that his relationship with Keith would be accepted as normally as his relationship with a girl might be, that his mom would ask about him and give him teasing smiles when he called him, that his dad would pat him on the back for scoring a date, that it would just be… accepted. But he knew better. He knew his parents. And he knew that asking for that right off the bat was unrealistic, as painful as that was. 

Maybe it would happen one day in the future. But it wouldn’t be that week. 

“We can make a plan,” Veronica suggested. “How to tell them. Are you gonna tell them at the same time?” 

“I was planning to, yeah. Get it over with in one go.” 

“The thing is,” she said, “I think that could get overwhelming for you. Especially if you’re expecting big reactions.” Lance sighed and rubbed his temples. “I think you should tell Mami first. Tell her while Papi’s at work, let that blow over. Then you can tell Dad.”

Lance thought that over for a while before reluctantly agreeing. He decided not to comment on the fact that Veronica seemed to think his parents would have some troubled reactions as much as he did. He stayed quiet and tried to think about what he was going to say and what he would do with different reactions. 

Then Veronica broke the silence. “You know, nothing changes the fact that Keith makes you happy. The change in you, in how you carried yourself was… a relief. No matter what anyone thinks or says, all of that is real, Lance. And no one has the right to talk you out of it or tell you it’s wrong because everyone deserves to be happy.” 

Lance turned to hug his sister tighter, feeling like the little five year old who used to run to her room to cry when Marco was being mean or when he was mad at Luis. Veronica had always been the one to shelter him, to comfort him about the things they never told their parents. And this was no different. It was nice to know that some things didn’t change. 

“I think I want to tell them tomorrow,” he whispered. 

“Okay. And I’ll be here if you need me,” she said. “It’s gonna be okay. Trust me, I’m psychic, remember?” 

Lance laughed as she pulled the same line she always did when he was little. He’d believed it up until he was thirteen. “Sure you are,” he said with a smile. “Thanks, Vero. It means a lot. I’m not hungry though, so I think I’m gonna go to sleep. Can you tell Mami to just save me some leftovers?” 

Veronica nodded and tousled his hair before saying goodnight and leaving his room. Lance turned off the light and shut his door. Then he crawled into bed and checked his phone, smiling when he saw a message from Keith. 

He was restless that night. The walls were thin, so he could hear each time the door opened and closed to his parents coming in and out. He could hear the music from across the street. He kept having weird dreams of Allura molding into Keith and Keith molding into Allura. One dream about telling his dad that he was dating Allura and then getting kicked out which made sense in the dream. In another, he was telling Allura he was dating Keith and that just felt all kinds of fucked up. 

Eventually, he stopped trying to go back to sleep in favor of scrolling through his phone and looking at funny posts. 

His body finally shut down on its own around seven in the morning, just as he heard his dad getting ready to leave for work. He was vaguely aware of the smell of sauteed onions and fresh flour tortillas and coffee, but he was too tired to get up for it. 

Lance ended up getting out of bed just before one. Mami was already making lunch, which just made him feel guilty for sleeping in so much. 

“Buenas tardes, dormil ó n,” Mami teased him when he shuffled into the kitchen. 

He grinned sheepishly and kissed her cheek in greeting. Already, his stomach was doing somersaults and he found it hard to focus. He gave her potatoes when she asked for tomatoes, then ended up putting the trash bin in the pantry after taking the trash out, and she had to ask him three different times to get plates. 

“Mijo, where’s your head?” she chided, playful but still slightly concerned. 

“I just didn’t sleep too well,” he said. It was at least half the truth. Hopefully one of the last he’d have to tell. 

Veronica seemed to sense the tension when they sat to eat lunch together, and thankfully, she took it upon herself to make conversation with Mami. The distraction helped Lance gather his thoughts as best as he could, but even so, he couldn’t manage to eat his food. It all felt like he was scarfing down gravel. 

Once they were done eating, Veronica helped clear the table as Mami put away leftovers. “Hey,” she said, getting Lance’s attention. “Respira.” 

He nodded and took a deep breath. Veronica gave him a thumbs up and went down the hall to her room. Lance bit his lip and stayed seated until he heard the water running for the dishes. 

He walked to the kitchen where Mami was washing dishes. Lance took a deep breath and leaned against the fridge as he watched her scrub a pan, the white bubbles turning an orange red from the tomato residue. This was it. 

So far, he’d spent his break watching telenovelas with Mami when he wasn’t watching movies with Vero. He’d watch Mami cook and keep her company. He always loved spending time with her when he was home, even if most of that break, he’d felt like he was lying to her. 

“Que me ves?”

He blinked and reminded himself to breathe as he refocused. “Nada.” 

Mami raised an eyebrow and kept scrubbing. She was almost done. “You’ve been quiet all day today. Te estás sintiendo mal? Tengo Vicks.” 

Lance let out an amused huff through his nose. “No, Ma, I’m fine. I’m not sick or anything....” He clasped his hands together behind his back so she wouldn’t see them shaking. 

“Is this about your graduation? Te dije que no te preocupes, your Papi and I are figuring it out.” She gave him a slightly chastising look. “You focus on your studies, leave the rest to us.”

“No, it’s not that…. It’s just…” He gulped and forced himself to keep talking. “I wanted to talk to you about something…. I met someone.” 

Her surprise was immediate. 

“Really? You met someone….” 

Lance’ mouth was dry, but he kept talking. “Well… we met a while ago, but we recently started... dating. Like officially.” 

She tried to seem casual by rewashing the pan as he talked, keeping her expressions in check. “It must be serious. I wasn’t sure when you would start dating again, but I knew that when you did it would be someone really special.” 

“It is,” he said. His throat fought to cut his words off, but he pushed through it. He thought of those deep indigo eyes and a full-hearted laugh paired with a scrunched up nose. “That’s why I wanted to tell you about him.” 

If the pronoun registered, he couldn’t tell. Mami just kept making the same circle on the pan, eyes cast downward in fixation. He didn’t notice any change in her breathing. Her expression remained the same with its slightly intrigued quirked eyebrow. 

She rinsed the pan and set it on top of the other dishes where it balanced precariously, then she shut the water off and dried her hands on her apron. She looked up at him, her eyes glossy but not exactly tear-filled. “Quieres café? Voy a hacer café.” She turned away and grabbed the coffee pot. 

“Uh. N-no.” He watched her as she measured out her Colombian roasted coffee and let it brew. In all that time, she didn’t speak, and Lance felt more and more tense. 

“Mami?” he risked saying when enough time had passed that she’d started preparing her coffee with a lot of milk and more sugar than usual. 

“Let’s sit.” She walked past him to the dining room table. Her eyes remained on her coffee as the spoon clinked against the porcelain. Lance sat on the other side of the table, facing her. She looked at him, her gaze somewhat distant. “How serious is it?” 

Again, he wondered if she’d caught what he said, but he answered anyway. “Mami, I… I wouldn’t be talking to you about it if it wasn’t serious. If I didn’t see a future… with him.” He caught the way she gulped, but her face remained composed. “I don’t… I don’t want to hide a part of my life from you, especially not one this important. It’s been killing me to keep this from you, but I didn’t know how to… tell you…. The thing is, I’d like for you to meet him one day.”

Mami took a deep breath and nodded slowly. After a while of silence, she said, “That’s why you’ve been…. Mi niño. You know one of the hardest times for me as your mother was watching you fall apart after Allura’s death. Fue lo peor tener que verte así. You were so sure you would never want to be with anyone again. You didn’t eat, you didn’t write, you didn’t talk, you didn’t laugh. You weren’t yourself. Has estado en duelo por casi tres años-”

“Grief doesn’t have a time limit, Mami. Even now….” He sighed and shook his head. “You know I can’t write about her anymore.”

“Y ahora? Do you write poems for…?”

“His name is Keith.” Just saying his name gave Lance a small sense of comfort. He knew that whatever happened, he would have those arms to run to. “And no, I haven’t. But he makes me want to.”

Her eyebrows went up as she looked down at her coffee. She didn’t stir it, she didn’t drink it. Lance expected many reactions. At worst, he expected screaming, slurs, maybe even a chancla thrown at him. At best, he figured she would cry and ask what she did wrong. The different scenarios had plagued him all night. But this silent, pensive response was somehow more terrifying. He didn’t know what to do about the fact that her mind seemed elsewhere entirely. 

He reached across the table to take her hand, and while she didn’t pull away, she didn’t seem to even notice it. “If you have questions… Mami, please. Tell me what you’re thinking.” 

“I just don’t understand how…. I thought you loved Allura, but this boy…? No entiendo como…?”

Her unformed questions fell between them in the empty silence that frustration and confusion left. He looked down at their hands. 

“I did love her. I still do, and I know that, and so does Keith. What I feel for Keith… it’s new, and it’s wonderful, and once I let myself… feel it, it made sense. It’s just another part of me. It doesn’t erase Allura. It’s just… when I lost her, it felt like- like everything about myself was dimmed. Like part of me went with her, and I couldn’t….” Lance sighed and rubbed his face with his free hand. “With Keith I feel like myself again. Y el me quiere, de una manera que no pensé encontrar de nuevo, Mamita. I’m not dim anymore.”

“Lo amas?” she asked. 

Lance squeezed her hand and smiled. “I think I could one day. I think if anyone could help me love again, it’s him.” 

So many people in his life had known him when he loved Allura, as he grieved her, and they all waited for him to become who he’d been before he lost her. Hunk, Pidge, his siblings, his parents. They all noticed how he seemed to flicker in and out of life, and they had all been waiting on that spark to come back for him. But not Keith.

“Mami, he knows me the way I am  _ now.  _ He found reasons to want to be with me at my worst. He doesn’t need the version of me before Allura, he just… wants me as who I am  _ now  _ and who I want to become. Ahora es tan facil respirar, existir, vivir.”

She let out a shaky breath and started tracing the flower patterns on the placemat. “I don’t know if you remember, but when you were about five… you’d just met Pidge in school, and her and her brother would stop by to walk to the bus stop with you.” 

Lance nodded. He recalled vague memories of those days. Skipping the lines on the sidewalk with Pidge as Matt would count to see how many they could avoid. How they’d meet Hunk and his mom at the bus stop. The only day that really stood out was when Lance tripped getting off the bus, and Matt and Pidge walked slowly with him until he got home.

“There was one day,” Mami continued, “you didn’t want to eat breakfast, you just wanted to go outside. And you started picking all the dandelions on the ground. I asked what you were doing and you- you said-” She broke off, laughing softly to herself. “You said, ‘Mami, es que son para Matt.’ Y dije, achis- what’s Matt gonna do with those?” Her eyes finally met Lance’s and seemed to focus. “Of course, I told you that you couldn’t give a boy flowers. Dios mio, the tantrum you threw. You got so upset, and you wouldn’t let me take the flowers, so I said, ‘Mira, ya se. Why don’t you give them to Pidge instead?’ Your face was still red when they came to find you, and you were still so mad when you gave them to Pidge.” She sighed and shook her head. “By the time you got home from school, you’d forgotten all about it, you just wanted to watch PBS Kids.” 

Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “I don’t remember that.”

Suddenly, there were the tears he’d been waiting for. They fell down her cheeks, each one a knife to his heart. He hated that he was the cause of them in any way. 

He pulled her hand to his lips. “Mami, no llores.” 

“Tengo miedo, mi niño.” She wiped at her eyes only for more tears to slide down to her chin and drip to the table cloth. “I love you. I love you more than my life, and you know that. This doesn’t change that. You are my son. Y estoy tan orgullosa….” 

She paused, trying to compose herself. When she began again, she sounded exhausted. “You fell in love at the worst age, mi amor. And to have lost her…. Le pedi a Diosito mil veces, I begged Him to help you heal, to show you that you could be happy again…. And if this is who makes you happy, then okay.” Her hand tightened around his, and with her other hand, she cupped his cheek. “You need to be careful. The world can be unkind. I know I can’t protect you from it, but you’re strong… so be careful.” She barely got the last word out before she was overwhelmed by her cries. 

He reached over and wiped her tears away, leaving his fingers cold and sticky. “Ya, Mamita. No llores. You didn’t cry this much when Ricky Martin came out.” He’d hoped to make her laugh. 

Instead, she just sniffed and ran her thumb along his cheek. “Es diferente. When it’s your own child. It shouldn’t be, pero….” She shook her head. “It shouldn’t be. But I’ll pray. I’ll pray and I’ll… I’ll be okay.” 

Lance nodded, reminding himself that this had been his best-case scenario. Reminded himself that he hadn’t been hoping for something better, a reaction that didn’t make him feel like he was being loved in spite of something. Lance never understood why people cried when someone came out. It wasn’t an identity she had to live with. It took a lot of effort to talk himself out of thinking she was crying because she was disappointed, but if that wasn’t the reason then what was? What was she so scared of? Why did she need to pray to be okay with who he was?

“Y tu? Are  _ you  _ okay, mijo?” she asked, pulling him out of a series of questions that was bound to leave him upset. “This is a lot. Quien mas sabe?” 

Lance cleared his throat and rubbed his neck nervously. “I told Veronica… Luis overheard me on the phone with him. They helped me tell Marco. Hunk and Pidge know.”

She tried to hide her expression, but Lance caught the way it crumbled. The way it hurt her to be so far down the list of people who knew. Lance wished he could get her to understand that it was because her thoughts mattered most. 

“And I want to tell Papi, but….” 

She cupped his face with a warm hand and smiled at him, the same deep blue eyes he inherited from her boring into him. “We’ll do it together. Sabes que el te quiere mucho. You’re his flesh and blood.” 

“Yeah but you remember what happened on Christmas.” 

“Oye. Give your Papi some credit. Es cabezon, but he loves you. We both do.” 

He smiled and put his hand over hers as he nuzzled into her palm. “I know. It’s still scary.” 

“You didn’t answer me. Are you okay?” 

He considered it for a moment. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay, Mami.” 

“Que bueno, mi amor,” she said, tears welling up in her eyes again. But she smiled and squeezed his hand tightly, like she was sending all of her affection through that single touch. “And I would really like to meet him. No puedo hablar por tu Papi, but I want to meet this boy who’s so special.”

Lance smiled and got up from his seat to kneel beside her as he hugged her tightly. He rested his head in her lap as she stroked his head gently. “Te quiero mucho, mi vida. Tu sigue siendo valiente.” Her voice was soft when she added, “Maybe you should pick some dandelions to take back to him.” 

Lance let out a breathy laugh that led to his own tears. He hadn’t realized he’d been holding them back, but now they fell freely against Mami’s apron. The relief he felt shook his body and had him clinging to his mom tightly. She crouched over him, shushing him gently as he sobbed into her lap. 

“Ya no llores,” she said softly, cupping his face. She wiped his tears and smiled. “Come here.” She stood up and led him to the couch. They sat down and she had him lay his head on her lap again. “Tell me about him. How he makes you happy.” 

Lance stared at the wooden floor as he thought. He smiled and shut his eyes as she continued to sift her fingers through his hair.

He told her about the way Keith had a certain kind of smile just for him, about how he liked watching Shrek because he liked watching Lance, how he once gave him a flower for each week he’d known him. He told her about how understanding and patient Keith had been when Lance told him about Allura, how he’d let Lance see him cry for the first time. How the fact that he was so comfortable with idle touches around Lance spoke volumes about what he felt for him because there had been a time when Keith flinched or jumped at the slightest unexpected touch. 

She didn’t speak much. She just let him talk. He talked for hours, until his voice felt hoarse and tired. He could hear the rasp in his words, but he kept talking because everything he’d been holding back finally had a chance to spill out. Everything that made his heart skip a beat, everything that made him feel special and wanted, everything about Keith that made Lance feel like the luckiest person in the world. It was such a pure feeling, and he was finally able to say it out loud. 

He was still on the couch when they heard the engine of a truck idling up into the driveway. Then a slam of the door and the thud of boots. Lance sat up and held his mom’s hand nervously. The door opened and Lance’s dad came in, whistling along to a song. 

His eyes fell on the couch and he frowned at the sight of the two of them. “Que pasó?” he asked uncertainly. “Why do you two look so upset?” 

“Sit down, amor,” Mami said. 

Lance sat up straighter and pressed back against the cushion. Veronica was right in getting him to tell them separately. This was ridiculously more terrifying than telling his mom. 

His dad sat down on the couch perpendicular to them staring at them both suspiciously. “What’s going on?” 

Mami took Lance’s his hand and nodded encouragingly. “Go ahead, mi niño.” 

“Tell me what?” Papi snapped, clearly agitated as his patience was tested. 

Lance gulped and tried to stop shaking. He felt like he was going to puke. He wasn’t afraid of his father. He knew he wouldn’t get hit, and he knew he wouldn’t get thrown out. Mami was right; he loved Lance, and frankly even if he tried to tell Lance to leave, Mami and Vero wouldn’t allow it. He wasn’t afraid of that. He was afraid to let him down. Again. He was afraid to lose the bond he had with him. 

“Apá…. There’s someone I want you to know about. Someone who’s very important to me. Romantically.” 

“Oh. Oh! Okay….” He smiled and nodded. “Que bueno, mijo. Claro, I would be honored to meet her. What’s her name? When did you meet her?” 

Lance couldn’t help it. He started crying again. Because of the pronoun his dad defaulted to, because of how excited he sounded for Lance, because he didn’t know what would happen next, because he was going to disappoint his father. It clearly took Papi by surprise. He reached out across the couches to put a hand over one of Lance’s trying to comfort him, but he didn’t even know…. 

“It’s not a girl, Papi,” Lance whispered. He stared at the wooden floor, afraid to meet his eyes. Afraid to see the words process, afraid to see the change in emotion. It was quiet for so long, and there was no movement, so Lance continued. He figured he may as well do this like he was ripping off a Band-Aid. “His name is Keith, and-” The calloused hand that had been resting over his pulled away quickly, making Lance look at his dad. “Pá-”

“Que cojones es esto?” he asked gruffly, his eyes on his wife. 

“Amor, escucha lo que te quiere decir-”

Lance’s dad stood up, waving his hand in dismissal. 

“Dad wait-” 

The door slammed hard enough to rattle the house, and Lance felt himself shrivel up from the inside. He put his face in his hands and shook his head, crying in a panicky, breathless way that only made his frustration worse. He wanted to be angry, he felt that much was his right, and yet all he could feel was resentment towards himself for being a disappointment. 

“Ya, ya, mi rey. He’ll get over it,” Mami said as she hugged him and rocked him. “You know how dramatic he is."

Lance figured that even she didn’t believe it. 

“I guess Papi didn’t take it too well,” Veronica said from the hallway. “I felt that slam all the way in my room.” Lance kept his face hidden, wrapped up in his mom’s tight grip. He felt the couch dip beside him as Veronica sat down. “Hey, manito. It’s okay. You’ve got the rest of us. He’ll come around.” 

“He didn’t even give me a chance to talk.” 

“He’s just tired,” Mami said. She pulled his face out of his hands and wiped his cheeks with her apron. “You know how he is after work. Always moody until he has food in his stomach. Ay, I haven’t even started. Ven, you’re gonna help me.” 

“Mami, I think he needs a moment,” Veronica said. She tousled his hair and squeezed his arm. “I’ll call you when the food is ready. Why don’t you take a nap? Dad'll calm down a bit and you can try talking to him after dinner.” Lance nodded, feeling numb as he stood. He walked down the hall, vaguely aware of Veronica following Mami to the kitchen. 

Lance couldn’t sleep. He laid down in bed and stared at the wall, waiting for his eyelids to get heavy especially since they burned from crying. He was exhausted as hell, but his eyes stayed open. He wasn’t sure what he did or even thought during that time. He just knew he snapped out of it when he got a call. 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and felt a mix of relief and guilt overwhelm him when he saw Keith’s name on the screen. He sniffed, wiped his face again, and cleared his throat before answering. 

“Hey,” he said, hoping his voice was cheerful enough. 

“Hey, pretty boy,” Keith answered. “What are you doing?”

“Just… hanging out in my room.” Lance frowned, wondering when it had gotten so dark. “Mom and Vero are making dinner.” He checked the time on his phone, surprised to find that he’d spent so much time in one position without realizing it. 

“Everything okay?” Keith sounded uncertain. Lance didn’t answer. He didn’t want to tell Keith what happened, but he didn’t want to lie and say he was fine either. Then Keith added, “Veronica texted me saying you were upset….” 

“Oh.” Lance sighed and turned onto his back to stare at the ceiling. “It’s….” He thought back to the way Papá’s hand pulled away so quickly, the tangible disgust he seemed to feel. “I came out to my parents. Mom first, then my dad.” 

“Oh! Oh…. Oh. They didn’t take it well, did they, darling?” 

“My mom took it better. She wants to meet you. It was still pretty emotional, though.” 

“And your dad…?” 

Lance sniffed and shook his head, even though Keith couldn’t see him. “I didn’t get to say much. He left the house. He was so excited when he thought I was talking about a girl, and then….” Lance felt his heart clench, the guilt that settled in his stomach. “It’s not fair.” 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry,” Keith whispered. He sounded so pained. 

“It’s not your fault.” 

“You wouldn’t be dealing with this if I were a girl.” 

Lance sat up and scowled. “What, and that’s your fault? No! Look, I…. I knew this would be hard. And it sucks, and I’m sad, and I’m hurt, but this isn’t your fault.” 

As he said it, he realized how angry he really was. How infuriated he felt about the fact that all this emotional toil simply came from the prejudice and heteronormative bullshit everyone had engrained in their heads. He’d come out so many times already, and he had people on his side. So what if his dad was being a child about it? He had his siblings, his mom, Coran, he had  _ Keith.  _ He got to be happy, and he had a right to be happy, and if his happiness impeded his father’s that wasn’t Lance’s fault. 

“I get back on Friday, so…. It won’t matter once I’m with you. And I told you that whatever my parents thought, it wouldn’t change what I feel for you,” Lance said. 

“I know. I know, I just….” Keith sighed then changed topics. “I should be comforting you. Is there anything I can do?” 

Lance sighed and laid back down. “Just kiss me a lot when I see you again.” 

Keith let out a weak little laugh. “You got it, pretty boy. So… your mom wants to meet me, huh?” 

Hearing the nervousness in his voice made Lance smile. “Yeah. I gotta plan it out some. I could probably drive her up on a weekend and wait for you to get out of work or something. It’ll probably be awkward, but it won’t be horrible, I don’t think.” It was quiet for a long time, and Lance started twisting his pillowcase fabric around his finger. “Hello?” 

“I’m here, sorry. It’s just…. I guess it’s still hitting me. You really did it. We’re really here at this point.” Keith’s voice was soft, his word slow. The way he spoke whenever he was trying not to cry. “I think about where I was a year ago, and….” He laughed softly, and Lance wished he had him in person to shower in affection and affirmations. “It’s nice, that’s all.” 

When Lance really thought about it, about how he was also in a very different place a year ago, and how wonderful being with Keith made him feel, he felt his own sense of comfort. “Yeah. It is nice. I-”

There was a knock at his door before it opened. “Mijo, come eat,” Mami said softly.

“Okay. I’ll be right there,” he said. He reminded himself that the panic that spiked in his chest was no longer necessary. “I gotta go. Mom made dinner.” 

“Okay, yeah. If I don’t get a chance to talk to you again, then sleep tight, baby. I’ll see you soon.” 

“See you soon,” Lance said with a smile. He hung up and left the room, feeling his gut twist at the sound of his father’s voice. 

All throughout dinner, Papá didn’t look at him or speak to him. Veronica was evidently channeling the anger Lance should have felt with passive aggressive comments and snippy responses that only made Mami sigh and shake her head. Lance found it easier to stay quiet and focused on his plate. 

By the time he had to leave on Sunday, his father hadn’t spoken to him at all. It was relatively easy considering the fact that he had to work almost all day, but it still hurt. Vero had tried calling him out on it, only for Mami to tell her not to get in the middle of it. Sunday morning, Lance had overheard Mami chastising Papi, but the mere mention of Lance rendered him silent. He didn’t even respond to her except to say he was leaving and would call her on his lunch hour. 

Lance said goodbye to his mom and his sister and promised to return for Easter break. Then he drove away and turned the volume up to try and drown out his thoughts. Still, as he drove back, he couldn’t help but think of Roland and what he must have felt and gone through with his dad. He grimaced at the thought of his dad hurting him, leaving him bruised the way Roland’s had, and it made him feel guilty for being upset about getting ignored. 

By the time he got to his apartment, he’d planned on crawling into bed until he had to wake up the next morning. He stayed in bed and scrolled through his phone mindlessly, trying to hypnotize himself into sleep. 

He remembered the photos he’d taken with Keith and how he’d been waiting on coming out to his parents to post them himself. Now, there was no reason to hold back. Sure a cousin or tia or uncle might question it, might call to recite a verse of the Bible, but that didn’t matter. He’d already taken on the worst of it by having his own father pretend he didn’t exist. 

Lance bit his lip as he pulled up the picture and edited it a bit. He captioned it with the date and debated what else he wanted to add. There was no one way to sum up what Keith made him feel, nothing that truly did justice to their relationship. But he figured he’d have the chance to post several more pictures and several more captions to try.

For now, he settled on  _ When I only saw the shades of gray I reflected, you managed to bring the color back to my life. _

He read it over a few times and took a deep breath before hitting the post button. Then he put his phone down and stared at the ceiling, smiling as he let himself bask in the freedom he had now. He could talk about Keith. He could post about him. Share what they had with the world. He wouldn’t have to tiptoe or feel like he was suffocating anymore. Clearly, not everyone would approve, but what did that matter in the light of the joy and adoration that Lance felt when he looked at Keith, when Keith looked at  _ him?  _

It didn’t. It was his life. He thought he would live it alone, always half in mourning, but he didn’t have to anymore. He didn’t want to. And no one had the right to try and take that from him. 

His phone buzzed with an incoming text. Vero had created a group chat with their brothers and sent the post Lance had made. 

_ Idk about you guys, but that sounds like poetry to meeeee  _

Lance scoffed at the circled caption and shook his head. Messages from his brothers came through back to back, a mix of unintelligible key smashing and all-caps excitement. 

_ YOU’RE OUT? LIKE OUT OUT??  _

_ DUDE DUDEDUDEUDUEDUED WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US YOU TOLD MAMI Y PAPI  _

_ How u feel tho _

_ Howd it go down???  _

_ Someone comment on the POETRY FFS boys u had one (1) job por dios. _

Lance laughed and shook his head. He could get back to them tomorrow when he had a chance to reboot himself. And the first step to reboot was a nice, hot shower so he could get a good night’s sleep, and make Monday a good fucking day. 

Before he could get into the shower, he heard a knock on the door followed by a buzz on his phone. He checked his phone and saw a message from Keith. 

_ You’re home right? _

Lance wrapped a towel around himself and hurried to the door, checking the peephole to be sure he was alone. He opened the door, half hiding behind it.

Keith smirked and raised an eyebrow. “Did you know I was coming?” 

“No! I thought you didn’t get off for another hour,” he said. “I was just about to shower.” 

“I got out early, and I wanted to come see you.” He tugged Lance closer by his towel and tilted his head inquisitively. “I could use a shower. Wanna save water?” 

Lance laughed and shoved Keith away from the door and down the hallway. “Hurry up, I don’t want the hot water to run out.” Keith responded by shedding his clothes as he walked, laughing at the way Lance’s cheeks turned bright red. “You’re stupid.” 

“Uh-huh.” Keith took his hand and pulled him into the bathroom. 

Lance stumbled over his feet and collapsed into Keith’s chest. When he saw the way Keith smiled at him, he felt his own grin grow. “I missed you,” he said breathlessly, putting one hand against Keith’s cheek. 

Keith pressed into his pal and shut his eyes. “I missed you too,” he said softly. Then he pulled Lance into a soft kiss. “C’mon,” he whispered, tugging the towel away and ushering Lance into the steaming water. 

The spray of water felt soothing as it hit Lance’s face. He could feel Keith step in behind him, and he gasped in surprise when he felt the light trace of fingertips along his shoulders. He relaxed into it when Keith started kneading his muscles, gentle and slow. He took a deep breath and let those hands trail along his neck, up to his hair, mussing it up. 

His touches felt… like home. While he was no longer hiding himself back home, he still felt like he was being watched, analyzed by his mom. Like she was trying to figure out how to attach Lance to this new idea of being with a boy. Like she expected to say he was kidding at some point. 

Here, with Keith, it felt like he could just exist. Exist and do nothing, exist and feel everything, exist and breathe. Those hands belonged on his body. Those lips had a place on every part of him. His home was here. This person who had wanted him, all of him as he was. Someone who wanted him, could possibly one day love him for who was with everything he was rather than in spite of the way things used to be. 

“Hey,” Keith whispered in his ear. A hand came around Lance’s body so Keith could use his thumb to smooth the furrow between his eyebrows. “What is it, sweetheart?” 

“I think I lied. When I said telling my parents about you wouldn’t change how I felt.” Keith tensed, his hands loosening around him. Lance took the chance to turn around and cup his face. “It made it all stronger. Magnified it in a way I didn’t think it could be. Talking about you and thinking about everything we’ve gotten through, the way I feel with you because I get to be authentically me all the time and you enjoy me that way…. I can’t really believe it, but I feel it. And I have no idea what to do with everything I feel for you.” 

“O-oh. I- I.... God.” Keith laughed nervously and kissed him gently. “Well… as for what to do with it, I think you’re off to a good start by telling me about it. Just… maybe next time don’t scare me before you say it.” Lance grimaced and hid his face in Keith’s neck as he apologized. Keith simply ran his hand along his spine and kissed his head. “It’s okay. I hope you know that sometimes what I feel for you drives me nuts too. And if I were as good with words as you, maybe I’d be able to explain it in a way that was unique and expressed it all perfectly, but I’m better at actions. So.” He pulled away slightly and kissed his cheek. “Let me help you relax a bit.” 

Lance nodded and shut his eyes as Keith took it upon himself to wash his hair and lather him down and rinse him off. His touch was gentle, worshipping. He hummed a melody softly as he washed Lance down, and Lance couldn’t recognize it, but he liked it. He liked how gentle it was, how it sounded from Keith’s throat, rumbly and soft. 

Keith was quicker about showering himself, but they still stayed under the water, sharing soft kisses and tired mumbles under the water until they both felt it start to get colder. 

Once they were both dry and dressed, they sat curled up together in the bed with Lance leaning heavily against Keith’s abdomen. Keith’s fingers ran through his hair while his free hand served as something for Lance to play with. He matched their fingers up then slotted them between the spaces, then he’d trace each finger one by one or follow the lines of his palm. 

“Did your dad finally talk to you?” Keith asked softly. 

Lance sighed and shook his head, continuing to play with Keith’s hand. 

“Not even to say goodbye?” 

“He wasn’t there; he’d gone to work. And when we were in the same room, he’d just focus on something else.” Lance huffed and shifted to curl further into Keith’s side, positioning Keith’s arms around him in an embrace. “But I don’t want to think about that. I came out to my parents, and that’s done. Now, I just wanna be with you.” 

“Okay,” Keith said, brushing their noses together. “How’s this?” Keith kissed him, taking his time as he coaxed his mouth open and bit his lower lip. 

Lance grinned when Keith pulled back enough to look him in the eyes. “Hmm… better. That all you got, koala?” 

Keith rolled his eyes and rolled them over so that he had Lance under him as they kissed. Lance enjoyed the weight of Keith’s body on him, enjoyed the way he wrapped around him and cradled his face to kiss him in a way that was simultaneously gentle and impatient. 

His lips traced along Lance’s jawline and down to his throat. Lance gasped as he felt Keith’s tongue against his neck, as he felt the way Keith sucked his skin and lavished it in gentle, apologetic licks. 

The kisses became slower as he traced the outline of Lance's face. "You falling asleep, baby?" 

Lance hummed and shook his head. "No. Just enjoying this." Keith chuckled and laid beside Lance as his arms wrapped around him. Lance sighed and opened his eyes to meet Keith’s. “I could stay here forever,” he whispered as he trailed a hand over the bridge of Keith’s nose. 

That very nose scrunched up as Keith smiled widely. “I saw that you made us public on your Instagram,” Keith whispered. Lance nodded. “I liked your caption. Made me feel special.” 

Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “You are. You know that.” 

“Hmm. Yeah. But it was… a different way. It felt different, like….” Keith sighed and shrugged, settling for running his hands through Lance’s hair instead. “I don’t know. But it was nice.” Lance stayed quiet as Keith regarded him. “Go to sleep, darling. I’ll wake you when I have to go.” 

Lance nodded, letting his eyes close slowly. He curled in closer to Keith who shifted as he made space for Lance to lay comfortably. He started humming that soft tune again, and Lance was able to fall asleep to it rather quickly. 

\--

Within the next few weeks, Lance got a surprising amount of calls from family members he hadn't talked to in over a year. Cousins texted him with faux greetings before asking about his sexuality, which Lance tended to leave on read. Older family members were suddenly very concerned about his spiritual purity and dumped Bible verses on him like they hadn't Googled what they were to begin with. 

Of the calls and texts, only his abuelita seemed to have called to truly check on him and ask how he felt after telling everyone. 

"Um okay, I guess," Lance said, sitting on the couch. "Everyone's either texting me to ask about it all of a sudden or telling me it's a phase which is annoying. But Mami was okay with it, I think. Papi hasn't… talked to me though." 

"Ay, he'll come around, mi amor. He's stubborn, but he loves you kids more than his own life," she told him. Lance was getting tired of that answer. "As for the nosy ones, tell them they can have a say in your life when they pay your bills." 

Mami had started calling him just about every other day to see how he was doing. Sometimes she asked about Keith. Veronica, Marco, and Luis considered it all old news and simply used their group chat to send meme reactions when Lance told them what the extended family would say. 

The one that hurt most was still his dad. Lance never called home as much, but it still hurt that his dad never bothered to call to apologize at least. 

Veronica told him that Marco had gone over once just before their dad got home. The second Papá was home, the two of them got into it, yelling over each other until Marco decided to leave and slam the door as he left. Veronica wouldn't tell him what they said, just that it was tense and they weren't talking either. 

It was an understatement to say that the last month had been exhausting for Lance, and everyone around him could tell. Hunk and Pidge knew to ignore it and try and distract him. Keith tried to help him cool down every weekend, pampering him with kisses and date nights.

“What are you thinking?” Keith asked as he used one hand to massage Lance’s neck while he drove. Lance shrugged and tried to loosen up. “Who called you today?” 

“No one. I’m still getting chain messages from my aunt, but… no one.” 

Keith let the subject drop and stared out the window. 

Lance grimaced and turned to Keith. “I’m sorry.” 

“For?” 

“For being….” 

Keith waited for him to find a word, and when he didn’t, tried to fill it in for him. “Upset? You don’t have to apologize for that. You have every right to be.” His hand fell away, and he waited for Lance to reach a stop sign before turning his face. “I’ve told you before, you’re allowed to feel bad things too. You shouldn’t feel bad about it.” Keith offered a small smile before kissing his lips lightly. “It doesn’t offend me.”

Lance took a breath and nodded before focusing on the drive. They picked up some food, picked Kosmo up, and headed back to Lance’s. As they settled down to eat, Lance nudged Keith with his foot and smiled, however tired it was. “Tell me about your week,” he said. 

Keith smiled and pushed his hair out of his face. “Mm, okay. This week was pretty good. I had a test in two of my classes, and I found out that I got a 90-something on both.” Lance gave him a high-five. “Marie hurt her ankle over the weekend, but she’s been getting better pretty fast and she was able to dance a bit today. Shiro’s moving most of his stuff out this weekend, and I still can’t figure out how to look for a roommate. Roland stopped by rehearsal a couple times this week and helped us come up with improvements to the routines for the final showcase. He looked happy getting a chance to dance again. And Kosmo learned to dance! Did you see the video I sent you?” 

“God, yeah, it kind of made my day when you sent it,” Lance said. Keith grinned and filled his mouth with food. “Ready for graduation?” 

“Mm. Not really. I have to start my grad school apps too. I’m actually losing my shit, but I do a good job looking calm, right?” Lance winced and rubbed the back of his hand soothingly. “It’s fine. I just need space to breathe and figure it all out, but right now with dance and graduation and finding a roommate and work, it just… is too much. It feels like I only ever get a chance to breathe when I’m with you.” 

Lance felt his heart flutter at that. “Really?” Keith nodded and kissed his hand. Lance bit his lip and nodded. “I know what you mean….” 

“How’s the TA position going for you? Any poetic inspiration yet?” 

Lance chuckled and bit his lip. “No poems yet. It’s like… I have the words in my head, and I have ideas for things to write about, I’m just terrified of actually sitting to do it. But it does make me nostalgic. The workshops and the poems. Sasha told me to read over my old stuff, that maybe I could be inspired to write something. Like if I read a poem I wrote two years ago, I could write about the same thing in the eyes of someone two years older or even just get inspired to rewrite.” 

“And? I mean you’ve read old stuff to me before.” Lance shrugged and looked at his food. “Oh. She meant… the poems about…. Allura.” 

“Yeah.” Lance took a deep breath and smiled nervously.

Keith bit his lip and nodded. “And? Any success?” 

Lance chuckled and shook his head. “No. Reading them just made me feel… weird. Not as sad I used to get. And I guess that scares me a bit.” 

Lance looked back down at his food as phrases he’d written before echoed in his head, at all of the ones that made him take a step back because he’d felt or thought or even said some of those things about Keith. Didn’t that diminish the meaning of the words? Wasn’t it twisted that the words he’d written while falling in love with Allura were no longer so unique as he thought of Keith at the same time?

“Well, it’s good that thinking of her doesn’t make you so sad anymore. Now you can think about her and still be happy even if you miss her. That’s not a b-”

“Do you think a person can run out of words?” Keith frowned and tilted his head. 

“Like. A story can only be told so many times. Things can only be said in so many ways. Writers keep trying to say these things in new ways, but in the end isn’t it all regurgitated?” Keith furrowed his eyebrows and leaned back in his chair, regarding Lance uncertainly. “I’m sorry, that- that doesn’t make any sense.” 

“I think it does. But I also think it’s unfair to limit language like that. I’ve heard you ramble about language and how it changes and evolves constantly, and you wanna say we’re gonna run out of ways to say things?” Keith shrugged and poked at his food. 

Lance bit his lip and managed a weak little laugh. Keith wouldn’t get it unless Lance explained, and he didn’t want to do that. He didn’t want to tell him that he saw echoes of things he wrote for Allura in their life together. Because even if he couldn’t explain why or how, Keith  _ was  _ different. The things Lance felt for him felt different than they had before, and maybe Lance didn’t have the words for it, but it was true. He felt that much. 

“Yeah. I think I’m just having a writer’s crisis.” Lance finished his food and got up to throw his trash away. When he got back, he draped his arms over Keith’s shoulders and kissed his cheek. “Our monthiversary is coming up,” he whispered. He placed another kiss along Keith’s jawline. “Did you want to do anything? We could go out or stay home. I could get Hunk to help me make those secret ingredient slutty brownies.” 

Keith laughed and wiped his mouth before stuffing his trash into the takeout bag. “We could use a date night. Tomorrow? Or Sunday?” 

“Sunday so I can get school shit out of the way and focus entirely on you.” 

Keith hummed in response and tilted his face to get a kiss. He looped his arm around Lance’s waist and pulled him to sit on his lap, smiling against his lips. 

Suddenly a bark split them apart. Kosmo began to paw at Keith’s leg, barking and shifting back as he demanded attention. 

“Ah, I think he needs to go outside. I’ll be right back,” Keith said, kissing Lance one more time before nudging him up. 

“Alright, I’m gonna change into PJs and brush my teeth.” 

“I’ll lock the door then. Want me to take the trash out too?” Lance smiled sweetly, which only made Keith roll his eyes and smirk. 

He left the apartment and Lance went to his room. All Lance wanted for the rest of the weekend was a relaxing time with Keith, maybe a game night with Hunk and Pidge and Roland. He didn't want to think about family members he last saw when he was eighteen, about the contradictions in the Bible, about a father who decided to pretend he didn't exist. 

He washed his face off and heard the door open, with Kosmo barking incessantly. 

"Whoa, Kosmo buddy, keep it down!" Lance called from the room. "Babe, I'm gonna get fined-" 

"Lance, can you come here?" Keith called. 

Something was off in his voice. Lance's stomach tightened as he rushed out of the bathroom and out of the room. He made it halfway down the hallway before stopping short. 

"Apá?" 

His dad stood at the door looking uncomfortable as he glanced from Keith to Lance. Keith's expression had turned somewhat stoic, only the slight curl of his lip showing his simmering anger. 

"Kosmo, down," Keith snapped as Kosmo sniffed the work boots and barked for attention. Kosmo retreated with a whine and a huff. 

"What are you doing here?" Lance asked cautiously, moving closer to Keith to shield him. 

His dad cleared his throat and scratched his head nervously. "I wanted to talk to you." 

"Oh, now?" Lance asked bitterly. Papá sighed and glanced back at Keith, furrowing his eyebrows. Lance scoffed and turned away to look at Keith, ignoring the way his heart pounded, hating the way he was curious enough to give his dad the satisfaction of listening to him. "Take my car and go get some snacks for our movie night, okay? I'll text-" 

"No," Keith said firmly. 

"Keith, I just need to talk-" 

" _ No.  _ I'm not leaving." 

Lance sighed and shut his eyes trying to talk over him. "This is between-" 

"I don't care-" 

"Keith, baby,  _ please.  _ I need to be alone with him." 

"He could hurt you," Keith said with a wavering voice. Lance opened his eyes in surprise, unexpected tears filling up Keith's eyes without spilling over.

"He's not going to." 

"You don't know that!" 

"Yes, I do, Ke-" 

"You think Roland thought his dad would hurt him the way he did?" Keith snapped. Lance snapped his mouth shut. Keith's faze fell behind Lance onto his dad. "I'm not leaving." 

Lance sighed and touched his face softly. He nodded and pressed his forehead to Keith's. "Okay. Okay, just go to my room then." 

Keith didn't seem to like that, but it was a decent compromise. He nodded and headed to the hallway, snapping his fingers for Kosmo to follow him. 

Lance took a deep breath, sent a quick mini-prayer to whatever god might hear him and take pity, then turned to look at his dad. 

"Es él? Andas con un chino? Wasn’t expecting that,” he said with a nervous smile.

Lance rolled his eyes. "Coreano, Apá. What do you want?" 

His dad continued in Spanish, keeping the conversation private to an extent. "I wanted to apologize. I didn’t know how to react, and I didn’t know what to say when you told me. I was angry that your mom already knew. And later, when I talked to her, I was angry that your brothers and sister knew before us. I just…. I needed time to think about what it meant-” 

“What do you mean what it meant? It means I’m seeing a boy, that’s all it means.” 

“No, Lance. No it’s not. It meant that I had to reevaluate everything I knew. That maybe I don’t know you as well as I thought I did, that I did something as a father to make you feel like you couldn’t  _ let  _ me know you. Okay, yes, I came up with reasons this would happen now, and then I talked to you mom and then I had to think again, and then I have Veronica yelling at me in one ear. I figured once you left it would calm down and I could figure it out and talk to you, then I get Marco screaming at me, telling me I won’t see my grandkids until I…. And Luis hasn’t even talked to me. Your grandmother called me. To yell at me.” 

Lance gulped and stared at the floor. “What, you want me to feel sorry for you? You’re not the one who gets ostracized for who you are by your own family, Dad. God, I wasn’t expecting you to throw me a party or congratulate me! I just wanted you to talk to me and understand, but you didn’t even do that!” 

“I know. And I’m sorry,” he said, slumping as he walked toward Lance. Lance took a few steps back. “Can you really be this angry with me for reacting differently than your mother? We’re different people-”

“You’re both my  _ parents.  _ That should have been enough.” 

“In a perfect world yes.” 

Lance felt his throat constrict. He felt like he was about to puke. He wanted to scream and cry and punch something, and that scared him because he was not a violent person. “Get out.” 

“Lance-”

“What do you want me to say!” Lance shouted. “You want me to say it’s okay? Because it’s not! The way you reacted isn’t okay. I get it, I surprised you, the relationship I have with my boyfriend is weird to you, it’s confusing because of Allura, yes. But you- you acted like I don’t exist! So I acknowledge this shitty apology, but no it’s not okay. And frankly? I don’t really care what else you want me to say because you didn’t care about what I had to say when I wanted to talk to you.” Lance walked toward the door to open, but his father grabbed him by the arm to stop him. 

There was a moment of panic. A moment of sheer, heartbreaking fear where Lance wondered if his father was capable of it. His dad saw it too, and he immediately let go. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he said. “I just want to fix this. I didn’t mean you were imperfect, I meant the world-” He shut his eyes and rubbed his face. “The world teaches people to think a certain way. I got used to it, I couldn’t even see that it was bad. And then you come and tell me… that you’re in a new relationship… with boy. And even if I don’t know you as well as I thought, I know  _ most  _ of you.” He stepped closer, slower this time as he grabbed Lance by the shoulders. “I know that you are  _ good.  _ That nothing about the way you show love could ever be bad, so how could everyone in my life before have been so wrong? I didn’t get it, and I still don’t. I don’t understand how you could feel this way about a boy, but I believe that you do, and even just now….” His dad let out a shaky breath. “You look at each other the way your mom and I would when we were young. It’s real, whether I understand it or not.” 

Lance felt the anger that had been ravaging his body suddenly die, releasing itself through hot tears that fell down his cheeks in streams. “I hate this. I hate that I still want your approval. That I still want you to be proud of me,” he cried. “That even though everyone else was happy for me or tried to be, you not talking to me hurt more. I don’t want to keep disappointing you-”

“You don’t!” Lance sucked his teeth and walked away from his father. “Why would you think that?” 

“Are you serious?” Lance said, letting out a humorless laugh. “I know it. I’m the runt of the litter for you. Too emotional, too sentimental. I’m wasting my time getting a writing degree that I might not even use because I can’t pick up a pen anymore. And now this. I just keep letting you down and…. And I’m done apologizing for it. I’m done apologizing for being…  _ me.  _ Because that’s who I am, Dad, I’m the boy who likes love stories and poetry and loves writing but might not be able to do it again, the boy who cries because his dad won’t talk to him, the boy who wants to fall in love with another boy. And I like being this way.” 

The words left him spent, left his father speechless for a long time. He turned away and sat down on the couch while Lance sniffed and cried into his sleeve. After a while his dad patted the seat next to him. “Come sit,” he said. Lance hesitated for a second before indulging him. “I’ve been a horrible father if I’ve made you feel like you were a disappointment. That was never my intention. You make me proud, Lance. You make me so proud in so many ways. You made it farther than the rest of us. You found something you love to do and you’ve worked on it your whole life. You inspired your sister to go to college. You’re unafraid to be who you are, to demand change, and you teach me every day….” 

Lance tried to swallow and wiped his face again. The words were somehow managing to soften him up while feeling hollow. He had nothing to say to that. 

“His name is Efrain,” his father said suddenly. Lance furrowed his eyebrows and looked at his father in confusion. “My co-worker. I asked him last week…. If he even liked his nickname. He said he was used to it, but I thought about what you said, and I asked, ‘Do you like it though?’ And… he said no. But that he knew it’s what people would always call him. So I asked him his real name, and I’ve been calling him that. I told him about what you said to me, and he said you had balls to say something.” 

“Oh.” Lance stared at the floor as he thought back to Christmas. “You… remembered that?” 

“Of course. I’d thought about asking him the next time I saw him at work, but I figured it didn’t matter. That it was just how we talked, how we did things. Then you told me about this boy and I realized… that I was hurting you. And if I was hurting you by calling someone else that, then how badly was I hurting Efrain? So I asked.” 

Lance had to smile at the fact that his dad wasn’t even saying the nickname anymore. “I’m glad you did that,” he said softly, this time in English. “It means a lot.” 

His dad wiped his eyes and sighed tiredly. He scratched his head and patted Lance on the back before gripping his shoulder. “I know I shouldn’t have walked out on you,” he said, keeping it in Spanish. “I just needed time to think about everything before I could listen to you talk, and I know that wasn’t fair to you. But I want to try to be better. And I’ll do anything to fix what I did.” He ruffled Lance hair before pulling his hand back and crossing his arms. 

Lance chuckled softly and wiped his eyes. “Yeah. Actually Keith does that too. If we argue he has to distance himself for a while. Except he doesn’t ignore me for weeks.” 

“I know, I know! I just didn’t know where to start. And everyone else was getting mad at me and I didn’t know if you’d even let me talk to you. I didn’t even know if I’d actually knock on your door, but that-” He waved a hand in the direction of the hallway. “Keith saw me. I saw him on the stairs when he was leaving, but I didn’t know he was…. Boyfriend, right?” 

Lance smiled and nodded. “Yeah.” 

He nodded too and scratched his head. “It’ll take me time. I wish I could say it wouldn’t, but I need to get used to it.” Lance pursed his lips and sighed in resignation. For now, this was what he would get. “Am I… allowed to ask questions? Are there ones I shouldn’t ask?” 

Lance groaned, half laughing through it. “Yeah. Yeah, Papá, you can ask questions. But not today. Podemos hablar después, okay?” 

“Okay. Pero me perdonas?” 

Lance heistated and stood back up. “Yeah. I forgive you. But you have to be on your best behavior when I take Keith to meet Mami. You have to be there, and you have to be nice, and you have to  _ try. _ ” 

“Claro, mijo. I’ll be there.” He cleared his throat and looked at the time. “I should get back. I didn’t tell your mami I was coming out here.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “I was thinking about talking to you, and the next thing I knew I’d taken the freeway to come here instead of the exit home.” He walked to the door with Lance following after him. His dad turned to look at him and tousled his hair again. “Dile gracias a tu novio.” 

“For what?” 

“For showing up at the door before I could talk myself out of this.” 

“Ah. Gotcha.” Lance nodded and shifted on his feet. “Well. Thanks for coming out here. I’ll call Mami and see when she wants to get coffee.” 

Papá nodded and opened the door, but before he could actually step out, he turned around and wrapped his arms around Lance tightly. It was rare for Lance’s dad to hug him this way, and the last time he got one like this had been after getting home from Allura’s funeral. 

Even rarer were the sniffles Lance could hear in his ear, the way his shoulder shook in a way that told Lance he was trying to hide it. Lance decided not to comment on it and simply hugged him back just as tightly. 

“Sabes que te quiero, verdad?” his papi asked gruffly. “And I get prouder of you every single day. I love you for who you are, mijo. Siempre.” 

Lance could only nod, unable to speak past the knot in his throat. He stayed that way for a while, enjoying this one moment with his father. It would be a struggle to get his parents comfortable with who Lance shared his life with, but they were both willing to try. Lance let him go when he felt the arms loosen around him. 

Without another word, his dad left the apartment and Lance locked the door. 

Almost immediately, he heard his bedroom door open. Kosmo zipped out, sniffing the new scent in the house as Keith rushed for Lance. 

“Are you okay? What happened?” he asked as he put his hands on Lance’s cheeks. 

“I’m okay,” Lance said, shutting his eyes and putting his hands over Keith’s. “He’s… trying. But he wants to meet you  _ properly  _ when I take you to meet my mom.” Keith grunted and narrowed his eyes. “He said he’d be nice. And I think he means it.” 

“He ignored you for weeks.” 

“Yeah and he needs to start making it up to me. Starting by meeting my wonderful boyfriend.”

Keith’s leftover resentment melted away to a soft smile as he bit his lip and kissed Lance softly. “I love the way you say that.” He pulled Lance into his arms, and Lance rested his head on his shoulders. 

The weight on his shoulders was gone. There was no guilt, no more secrets, nothing weighing him down. He was able to be with Keith and tell everyone about him. He could post about him online and share his happiness with everyone. He could brag about Keith. He could just exist without tiptoeing without stifling part of who he was. 

“I hope you know you are worth everything,” Lance said softly. Keith hummed and pulled away to look at him. “The fights. The struggles. The tears with my parents. The strains. You were worth it. Getting to be with you was worth it. Because you’ve given me so much of the good stuff in my life now.” 

Keith blushed and bumped their noses together. “Well thanks for sticking around,” he said with a smile. “Now- movie night to destress? You’ve got popcorn in the pantry right?” Lance nodded with a wide grin and Keith pulled away to go into the kitchen. 

Lance sat on the couch and waited for Keith to come back with a bowl of popcorn which had Kosmo waiting expectantly in front of them. They chose a funny movie, one that would be stupid and easy to laugh at. 

About halfway through, Lance got a text in their  _ The Cuban Fenton Clones  _ group chat from Veronica. 

_ @Flaco YO WHATD YOU TELL PAPI BC I JUST LEFT MY ROOM TO HEAR MAMI GO  _

**_ES CHINO????_ **

_ LIKE???? IS SHE TLAKING BOUT KEITHY BOY??? Sdkskdsk _

Luis and Marco followed soon after, asking what that meant and if their dad had talked to him. It seemed they didn’t know he’d gone to visit either. 

_ Uhhhhh that means. He. he met. HE MET YOUR BOYFRIEND BEFORE MAMI!!!  _ Luis texted back.  _ She’s gonna hang him up to dry for meeting him first.  _

“Are those your siblings?” Keith asked, peeking over languidly. 

“Yeah, sorry. They found out that my dad came over and they’re asking about it.” 

Keith shook his head. “It’s cool. I just heard a lot of buzzing.” Without any preamble, Keith twisted so he was half on Lance’s lap, his head tucked into the crook of his neck. Lance only smiled and tried to be discreet about his texting without distracting from the movie. He messaged Hunk and Pidge on their group chat and filled them in too. They decided to come over the next day to study and catch up, which Lance knew meant minimal work would get done. 

By the time the movie was done, Keith was half asleep and curled up on Lance. 

“Mi vida,” Lance murmured. “Mi cielo, mi alma, mi aire,” he said playfully between kisses. Keith hummed in question, but Lance kept going, pressing his lips against every inch of his face. “Principe hermoso, koala precioso, corazon mio, ternura-” 

Finally Keith put his hand against Lance’s mouth and pulled himself up to meet his gaze. There was a playful smile on face, but a sheepish blush in his cheeks. “What do you want, darling?” 

“‘Es go tuh beh,” Lance said, muffled by the hand. Keith removed his hand and got off Lance to pull him up from the couch. “Big spoon or little spoon?” he asked as they walked to the room with Kosmo at their heels. 

“Mm. Big spoon. But we switch tomorrow.” Lance laughed and nodded. 

That night, Lance dreamed about Allura. She was reading a book with Keith and they were laughing like they were old friends. Allura gave him purple dandelions. Then she kissed his cheek and when she turned to grab her book, she was Lance. The replacement was seamless, and in that moment for the dream, it made sense. Lance felt himself begin to float and tried not to think about it too much so he wouldn’t sink. When he did start to, though, Keith was there, laughing and telling him to hurry before they missed dinner- whatever that meant. For Dream Lance, it made sense. 

Lance woke up when Dream Lance tripped over Keith’s foot, half laughing and half yelping in surprise when he woke up. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. Beside him Keith had his face squished against the pillow, one arm draped heavily over Lance’s lap. 

He waited for the guilt, or the sorrow, the longing to surge up in him. It didn’t. He missed her, wished he’d heard her talk in the dream, but it wasn’t such a heavy, debilitating feeling anymore. It wasn’t something he’d call a nightmare. It was just a nice dream. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. 

He looked over at Keith again, the way the shadows from the moonlight that seeped through the blinds played on his face. He smiled and kissed Keith’s cheek softly before moving his hand gently and getting out of bed. 


	25. Addiction

Keith had never been one to care about his appearance much. He liked wearing things that caught his attention, comfortable clothes that worked for whatever he had to do.

Now, none of his clothes seemed suitable. 

"Keith, you've showed us five different outfits, and they were all good," Shiro said in exasperation as Keith stared at a shirt in distaste. "You're just going for coffee, right?" 

"Yeah, but it's his  _ parents.  _ I have to look good, I can't just go in sweats or ripped jeans." 

"So wear a suit and tie," Adam said with a teasing smile. 

Keith sighed and went back to his room to put the clothes back. "I want to wear something respectful without it being too much!" He walked back down the hall and ran his hand through his hair. "I wanna still be me, you know? His dad already saw me, but that-" Keith grumbled and waved a hand to dismiss his own words. "I need to wear something that's still my own style without being too… aloof." 

"Aloof?" Adam repeated as Keith walked back to his room. 

"What about that red shirt with the-" 

"It's dirty!" Keith called back. He heard footsteps coming down the hall to his room. "Plus, I'm scared I'm gonna be nervous-sweating." 

"So it has to be black," Shiro said. He walked towards Keith's closet and looked through the shirts. "It's been warm lately, so short sleeves. How about this one? It's not plain, it won't show if you sweat, it's not too fancy, but it's still nice." Shiro held up a black shirt with a single thick white stripe down one side of the front. 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and stared at the shirt. "Okay. Okay, yeah. But what jeans-" 

He heard Adam laugh and flop back on the bed. "Keith! Man, relax! You don't have to overthink it so much." 

"Yes I do, okay, I'm the guy who turned their son gay, and-" He felt a hard thwack on the back of his head and exclaimed in pain even though it didn't hurt. "Shiro, what the fuck?" 

He received a flick on his forehead in response before Shiro crossed his arms. "You didn't 'turn anyone gay,' Keith. You aren't a bad person. Lance is… ecstatic to be with you, and his parents will get that eventually if they don't already." 

Keith frowned and rubbed his forehead just to have something to do besides answer. 

Adam got up from the bed and put a hand on his shoulder. "Keith, you don't have to prove anything to them. The only person you have to prove anything to is Lance, and you've already done that. That's why you're together." Keith swallowed thickly and nodded. "I think darker blue jeans and your black hiking boots would work." 

"Thanks," he said softly. “I just don’t wanna mess this up. I want them to like me because I know it would make Lance happy.” 

“You like me, right?” Adam asked. Keith furrowed his eyebrows and nodded. “You used to hate me though. And my parents didn’t like Shiro too much when they first met. Now they love him. So even if they don’t like you now, it’s not to say they never will.” 

Keith sighed and wished that could be enough. “Any tips?” 

“Be yourself and just show them that you’re serious about Lance,” Shiro said. “Their priority is their son.” 

He nodded and took a deep breath to calm himself. He looked at Shiro and Adam, both suppressing a smile. “What?” he asked.

They shared a look, then Shiro said, “It’s just nice seeing you like this.” 

Keith blushed and crossed his arms. “I guess….” He really didn’t want a big heartfelt speech about how much he’d changed or how major it was for Keith to be so invested in someone in a healthy way. He knew those things, and he always felt awkward with heart-to-hearts. “Um. Thanks for helping me out. I should get ready for class now.” 

Shiro rolled his eyes, but he let the matter drop. “Alright. We're gonna be back late, and Adam and I are leaving early tomorrow for-”

“Tux fittings, I know; I set up the appointment,” Keith said with a smile. 

“In case we don’t catch you two before you leave tomorrow- good luck!” Adam gave him a thumbs up then left the room with Shiro following behind. 

Keith laid on his bed and whistled for Kosmo who’d been sleeping in a corner. He sighed and stared up at the ceiling taking a deep breath to calm himself. He was ready for the day to be over so he could go see Lance.

As if the universe hated him, the day seemed longer than usual. By the time he was at dance practice, he was a ball of nervousness and exhaustion. Everyone could tell he was distracted, but no one commented on it. Keith decided to end rehearsal early for his own sake. They had another performance coming up, but he needed to tackle his problems one at a time. 

“You good, dude?” Alexa asked, fanning herself with her shirt. Keith nodded, though he was still caught up in his head. “Right. Well, hey what are you doing next Saturday?” 

“Huh?” Keith frowned and shrugged. “I don’t know, why?” 

Alexa shrugged. “My girlfriend got upset because I haven’t introduced her to my friends. So I figured…. We could all go out somewhere. I invited Roland and now I’m inviting you. You can bring Lance. He can bring his friends.” Keith furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, making Alexa huff. “I don’t have very many friends okay? They’re all… in different cities. You and Roland are my closest friends.” 

“Oh.” Keith let his hair down and nodded. “Well, sure. I gotta check my work schedule, but… where’d you wanna go?” 

“There’s this gay bar called Smiley’s Rally with live music. We can go around nine.”

Keith nodded. “Sure. I just gotta check with Lance, but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

Alexa nodded back. “Cool.” It was silent for a minute before she took a breath and huffed. “Alright, bye.” She turned around and walked out without another word, and Keith had to admit that while it was awkward, he felt a little warm knowing Alexa saw him as a friend. 

He headed back to his house and texted Lance so he could head over. Within a half hour, Lance was knocking on his door. 

The kiss he received when he opened the door felt like the first real breath of air he’d been able to get all day. 

“Hola, mi vida,” Lance said softly before kissing him one more time as he walked in. “You got home earlier than usual today.” 

“I was too distracted for rehearsal to mean anything,” Keith admitted. Lance went to the kitchen for water, looking at Keith inquisitively across the counter. “I’ve been driving myself nuts all day about tomorrow.” 

Lance chugged his water and took a deep breath. “I’d tell you not to worry, but I’ve been doing the same thing. Not because I don’t think they’d like you or something, just…. I don’t want them to say something stupid without realizing it’s stupid, you know?” 

Keith walked over to him and leaned his head on his shoulder. “I think I could handle that. I don’t think I could handle if they don’t like us being together.” 

“I’ve told you it wouldn’t change anything-”

“But it would bother you. It would hurt you. And whether you’re aware of it or not, that’s gonna cause something. A strain between us or a strain between you and them. I don’t want either of those things to happen.” Keith kissed his cheek and sighed. “I’ve never had to meet anyone’s parents, and I already made an impression on your dad.” Keith couldn’t help but wince as he recalled the suspicious, cold tone with which he’d first spoken to Mr. McClain before he realized who he was. Or the angry way he’d looked at him when he was worried about Lance. He was pretty sure the man already hated him anyway. 

“You’re gonna be great, babe. You gotta realize that they already know you’re a big deal because I wanted them to meet you.” 

“And because I’m the first person you’re serious about since Allura. Which I’m pretty sure is the only reason they don’t hate me by default.” 

Lance frowned and tilted Keith face toward him. “What’s with the tone? What’s with the look in your eyes?” 

Keith wasn’t sure what he meant about his eyes, but he was aware that his tone was a little too bitter and easily misinterpreted. “That wasn’t… directed at her. It’s just….” Keith sighed and walked back to the living room to sit on the couch. “They didn’t know you liked guys before me.  _ You _ didn’t really know. It’s easy for them to think I tricked you into it or something.” 

Lance knelt in front of him and crossed his arms over Keith’s knees. “I haven’t heard you talk like this since we first met,” he whispered. Keith shrugged helplessly. “You didn’t convert me, Keith. And I don’t think that they think that. I know they were confused because the concept of liking more than one gender is a little confusing to them, but…. They know you make me happy.” Keith nodded and stared at his own shirt. “Mírame,” Lance said in a chastising tone.

With a sigh, Keith looked at him and tried to change his expression. He felt Lance’s warm palm cup his cheek and he pressed further into it. Not bothering with more words, Lance leaned forward and kissed Keith gently. It was one of those slow, comfortable kisses that they liked to share when they had nowhere to be. 

This kind of kiss could soothe every worry in Keith’s head, at least for a little. Nothing but Lance mattered.

By the time Lance pulled back, Keith was able to shake away that dark feeling, that echo of thought. This was different. Lance was different. 

“Now, guess what I found out is on Netflix?” Lance grabbed the remote and sat beside Keith as he pulled the app up. “It never showed up on mine because I usually watch sitcoms or romcoms and stuff on there, but Pidge wanted to watch Tarzan the other day and then-” Lance smiled widely. “This came up as a suggestion.” 

Keith finally tore his eyes away from Lance to the screen to see  _ Lilo & Stitch  _ loading. He couldn’t help but smile, especially seeing the excited look in Lance’s eyes. 

“I mean tomorrow’s inevitable, and we’re gonna be nervous as hell anyway, so… may as well enjoy right now, yeah?” Lance added with a shrug. 

“Yeah,” Keith agreed. He leaned over, nudging Lance so he’d lay down then settled himself comfortably over his chest. 

Lance’s fingers threaded through his hair slowly, soothingly, with his free arm wrapped loosely around Keith’s waist. Keith could hear his heartbeat under his ear, steady and strong. 

“What’s your favorite scene in this movie?” Lance asked once they were about 20 minutes in. 

Keith thought about it for a moment. “I mean of course the scene on the beach where he gets to stay with them, but… aside from that one I think my favorite part was always when Stitch goes after Lilo and he helps her get free. She says something like, ‘You came back.’ I don’t know I guess when I was little that was proof to me that no matter how hard things got, someone who loves you would always try for you. That’s what I love so much about this movie. Everyone gives everyone such a hard time, but at the end of the day… they’re family and they love each other and they’d do anything for each other. That’s what I wanted, even when I thought I didn’t.” 

“Even when you thought you didn’t?” Lance repeated with a questioning lilt. 

Keith lifted his head and nodded. “Yeah. I mean after a while of jumping from home to home, I told myself I didn’t need a family. I wasn’t going to get one anyway, so I had to make do without one.” He smirked and shrugged. “I got lucky and finally found people who didn’t give up on me.” 

Lance shut his eyes and let out a dramatic wail. “God, this is your story so why am  _ I  _ about to cry? God.” He sniffed and blinked a few times before looking at Keith again. “So what you’re Lilo and Shiro’s Stitch? Or you’re Lilo and Shiro’s Nani? Or-” 

Keith covered his mouth, laughing softly as he shook his head. “Silly.” Lance pouted, and Keith leaned forward to kiss him chastely before laying his head back down. 

\---

The next morning, Keith was awake before Lance as usual. He heard Shiro and Adam leave, took Kosmo outside, and was able to eat a bowl of cereal which tasted like gravel because he was so caught up in his nervousness. He laid beside Lance again, burrowing further into his chest as if by doing so he could stop time. Lance grumbled and shifted, throwing an arm around Keith before he was fast asleep again. 

_ Please let them like me,  _ Keith thought to himself. Or maybe to some higher being. Lance tended to pray when he was overwhelmed; maybe it would work for him too.  _ Let them be happy for us.  _

“Mm. Why the troubled look, koala?” Lance’s gravelly, sleepy voice made him open his eyes. 

"You really gotta ask?"

Lance groaned and hugged him tighter. "We don't have to do this, you know? We can wait. I'll tell my parents-" 

"No. No, I don't wanna put it off. I'll feel like this whether we do it today or in a month. It's just nerve wracking." Keith shifted so they were at eye-level. "If we gotta be there by two, then we should head out at 12:30, in case there's traffic. Which means we have…." He turned around and fumbled for his phone. "About two hours to get ready." 

"I can get ready in one," Lance said. He yawned and snuggled closer to Keith. "What to do with a spare hour?" 

"I take it you want to sleep," Keith said, chuckling at the way Lance's eyes fluttered shut. 

"Hmm. Unless you can think of a different way for me to be entertained." 

Keith laughed and shook his head. "While the idea of giving my boyfriend a blowjob before meeting his parents  _ is  _ enticing, my conscience wouldn't be able to live with it." 

Lance burst into laughter and shook his head. He hugged Keith tighter and stroked his head idly. "Then sleepy cuddles it is." 

Although his eyes were shut, Lance would occasionally press a kiss to Keith's face as his fingers continued to run through his hair. It was a peaceful silence, occasionally interrupted by a yawn or a small hum. 

When they decided to get ready, Lance made a big deal out of Keith's outfit, wolf whistling and pretending to faint. Meanwhile, Lance was in a simple short sleeve button up and jeans and still managed to look like a model coming from a runway. 

On the drive, Keith felt his stomach slowly turning into knots. He felt like he was going to be sick, but he hadn't eaten anything since that cereal in the morning. Without a word, Lance reached for his hand where it rested in his lap and held it tightly. 

Lance parked in a local cafe with tables outside and an open door to let others in. He stared at the place, watching people walk in and out, watched those already sitting at tables talking indifferently. It felt like a scene out of a movie. 

"We're early," Lance said. "Do you wanna wait here or inside?" 

Keith took a steadying breath and made himself sit up straighter. "We should get a table." He nodded as if he needed to verify the idea with himself. 

Lance took his hand and squeezed before leaning over to kiss him again. When he pulled away, he smiled at Keith with that adorable dimple and a soft expression in his eyes. He pressed a quick kiss to Keith’s nose then got out of the car. 

Keith followed and walked into the cafe with him, forcing himself to look calm. He kept his movements calculated so he wouldn’t seem jittery. The second they sat down, he grabbed a napkin and started anxiously folding the edge over and over before unfolding it and starting over. 

“Ay mi vida,” Lance said offhandedly as he watched. But Keith knew Lance wasn’t doing much better; both his legs were bobbing up and down at a faster pace than usual. 

“I don’t poke fun at your anxious habit. Don’t poke fun at mine.” 

“I’m not making fun,” Lance said with a smile. Keith huffed and Lance simply placated him by running his hand through his hair. “I think it’s cute.” Keith scrunched his nose at Lance then returned to his worn out napkin. “Hey.” Keith looked up at him, only to find his face closer than anticipated and his expression more serious than it had been a few seconds ago. “Thanks for doing this. It means a lot,” Lance said softly. 

Keith couldn’t help but smile at him. “Of course. Thanks for… liking me enough to want me to meet your parents.” 

Lance smiled back just as widely. “Yeah, I’ve known this was gonna happen since our first date, principe.” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and scoffed. He couldn’t believe that Lance had been so sure about him from the start. It felt like it took Keith so long before he convinced himself that Lance was here to stay. Especially with how cold he’d been at the beginning, he couldn’t fully understand how Lance could have felt so confident about them becoming what they were now. 

“What?” Lance asked with a little smirk. 

Before Keith could think of something to say in return, he heard some half-word that cut off, causing them both to turn to the source. 

He felt his stomach flip at the sight of a plump woman with bright blue eyes and long, wavy brown hair with a few strands of gray. She looked nervous too as she looked between Lance and Keith. Beside her, his gaze jumping from the table to the wall to his wife to them, was Lance’s dad with an awkward smile. 

Keith wasn’t sure when he’d stood, but he knew he was extending a hand and Lance was introducing him, but the words were a little muddled in his ears. He wasn’t sure how his voice sounded, and he knew his face was stretching into a smile as he spoke, probably a greeting of his own. 

_ Get a fucking grip,  _ he thought to himself. He was completely missing the entire conversation out of anxiety, and he just hoped his autopilot was helping him out instead of starting self-destruction. 

He felt his hand get squeezed and looked under the table to see Lance holding onto him like a lifeline. He looked at Lance and how his neck had turned a crimson color, how his legs were bobbing again because they’d sat back down at some point. 

Keith cleared his throat and looked across to the couple sitting across from them. “Um, it’s nice to finally meet you. Lance talks about you a lot,” he said to Mrs. McClain. He still wasn’t sure how to address Mr. McClain after their last encounter. 

“Yes, he’s told me a lot about you too,” she said with a slight accent that slipped into her vowels, barely discernible but there. It sounded musical. 

It got quiet and the four of them shifted in their seats uneasily for a while before Mr. McClain finally said, “So what do you study, Keith?” 

His accent was stronger, like English was newer to him or maybe he just didn’t use it as much as his wife. 

“Um, I’m a psychology major. And a philosophy minor.” Their eyebrows went up with that polite intrigue he was always met with when he talked about what he was studying. “I graduate this May.” 

He knew what the next question would be. 

“And what are you going to do after you graduate?” 

He discreetly took a deep breath. “Well, to get any job with psychology, you need a Master’s. So I’m going to grad school, but I’m taking next fall semester off so I can work to save money for the house I’m in and other expenses.” 

“What do you want to do with the degree?” 

He felt Lance rub soothing circles into his hand. “Um. I want to work with foster kids. Help them get adopted or just keep them in good hands.” He hoped they wouldn’t ask why. He didn’t exactly want to delve into his troubled past. 

“Keith goes to school with Hunk and Pidge,” Lance said. “He’s in on pure scholarships and grants. And what, one subsidized loan?” 

He smiled and nodded. “Per semester. But they’re just a thousand each so it’s not too bad.” 

“Is that how you met?” Mrs. McClain asked. Keith hummed and tilted his head. “Well, as much as Lance has told me about you so far, he hasn’t told me about how you two met.” 

“Ma….” Keith and Lance looked at each other sheepishly, memories of those first meeting flashing through Keith’s head like a rated R montage. 

Of course, Keith wasn’t stupid. He knew not to go into those particular details. 

“Actually, I threw a party for my brother’s birthday in September. He used to go to the same college as me, so a few of the students still remembered him because he was an orientation leader or something. Anyway, they invited their friends who invited their friends and… well Lance showed up too.” 

“With Hunk and Pidge. I was driving, and I didn’t drink,” Lance clarified immediately. Mrs. McClain smirked in a way that was a faint echo of Lance’s own. 

“He didn’t,” Keith confirmed. He figured those two sips of beer didn’t really count. “Um, well, he didn’t give me a way to contact him, so… I threw another party the next week and just crossed my fingers that he’d show up.” 

Lance’s head whipped around to stare at him in confusion. “What?” 

Keith couldn’t help but smile. “Didn’t you ever wonder why there were no parties after that? You finally asked for my number, I didn’t need to throw another.” Lance looked like he’d lost all sense of truth and reality. Keith laughed and ducked his head to hide his blush. 

“You never told me that.” 

“It’s embarrassing.” 

“We met at a dance,” Mr. McClain said with a smile. He looked at his wife and beamed, saying something in Spanish. 

“Claro, que si. How could I forget?” She looked at Keith. “All night he was so being so cheesy.” She laughed and shook her head fondly. 

Keith’s smile came naturally now, reminiscing his own first dates with Lance. He looked over at Lance, but Lance was already looking at him, with his own dimpled smile. “Sounds familiar,” Keith said softly, making Lance blush. 

“I just knew I was making you laugh. I loved hearing your laugh,” Mr. McClain said, kissing her cheek. 

Keith didn’t think he’d ever seen a couple whose love was so palpable. At least not at their age. His foster parents loved each other, and Keith could see it in the way they worked together, but they weren’t as openly affectionate as this. He could see where Lance had gotten his romanticism and his affinity for physical affection. It was beautiful, really. 

He felt Lance squeeze his hand again and squeezed back. 

“Now, I just want to be sure your both on the same page,” Mrs. McClain said looking at them. “This is a serious relationship, yes?” Keith furrowed his eyebrows and nodded. “Good. Because meeting us is not a small thing, Keith. This is… different. We can’t pretend it isn’t.” Keith swallowed, his grip tightening around Lance’s hand. “You’ll face things other couples wouldn’t, you’ll have to-”

“Um, all due respect, ma’am…. I’m very aware of all that. I have been since I realized I was gay. And this isn’t a fling. I wouldn’t be here if it was. Your son means a lot to me, more than you can imagine. I plan to be with him for as long as he wants to have me.” He forced himself to maintain eye contact with both of them even though his instinct was telling him to look at the table and hide. He needed to be sure they believed him. That they knew he was willing to go through a world that was pitted against them with his hand in Lance’s because… well because it was Lance. And after all the shit they’d both been through, it just made sense that they were together now. 

Mr. McClain kept looking between Lance and Keith. Mrs. McClain simply hummed and kept her eyes on Keith. 

“Well… my children have told me about you as well. They seem to highly approve of you after meeting you.” 

Beside him, Lance let his head fall to the table as he grumbled, “Ay, Dios mio.” 

“Would you like to come to our Easter celebration tomorrow? We’re having a cookout in the front yard.” 

Lance picked his head up immediately and Keith looked at him in surprise. Did this mean approval? Was this her giving them her blessing? 

“Um. Yeah. Yes. I’d like that.” 

“Good. I should let you know-”

“No going into the house?”

She raised her eyebrows and smiled before looking at Lance. “So you’ve been told.” Keith nodded and looked at Lance nervously. “Also, my grandchildren will be there. They might… have questions.” 

“We’ll work out how to explain to Nadia and Sylvio,” Lance said. “Um. This might sound weird, but… are you going to give us rules about PDA?” His mother responded in rapid, sharp Spanish, and Lance had to quickly interrupt to calm her down. “No! I don’t- obviously I’m not asking for permission to stick my tongue down his throat!” Keith blushed and lowered himself in his seat as a few other people in the cafe looked over at the outburst. “I just mean… handholding. Kissing his cheek. Just… that stuff.”

Lance wasn’t looking at his parents. Keith couldn’t peel his eyes away from their interlocked hands under the table. It was silent for a while. 

“We never had to give rules on that to you or your siblings before. So I don’t see why we should now. You know what’s appropriate with family,” Mr. McClain said.

Keith couldn’t help the disbelief he felt. He finally looked at Lance, and the relief on his face made his heart clench. 

It felt easier to talk with the McClains after that. They asked questions that led to anecdotes about Shiro or Kosmo or even the study session he had with Lance and Hunk and Pidge. He talked about his job and how he passed the time by making mental lists of books people might like.

Their interlocked hands were looser, less riddled with anxiety. 

He could see that there were still things that took a while to process for Lance's parents. Like part of them still struggled to make the idea of Keith and Lance make sense. Keith thought it might bother him, but it didn't. Because he could also see how much they tried to catch on, to rewire their thinking. 

He couldn't blame them. They'd gotten so used to their son being straight, to all their kids being straight. They were still getting used to it.

They shared a lot of looks between themselves which made Keith a little nervous. He wondered if they liked him or if they were still trying to figure him out. He wondered why Mrs. McClain had invited him over for Easter already. He wondered if he was making a good impression or if they thought he was trying too hard. 

He sent a quick text to see if Shiro had gotten home and let Kosmo in from the backyard yet, and he was surprised to see that it was already five in the afternoon. Considering the fact that they’d managed to talk for three hours, he figured Lance’s parents genuinely liked him at least a little. 

But he also realized he was very hungry and hadn’t eaten anything besides cereal. The only problem was that he had no idea how he was supposed to suggest leaving or how to relocate to a place with actual food without being rude. 

Then his stomach did it for him. 

The rumbling sound of his stomach growling wasn’t obnoxious, but it caught Lance’s attention since he was right next to him. “Hungry?” he asked with a smile. 

Keith only responded with an embarrassed smile of his own. 

“Dios mio, it’s late after all. You two didn’t eat lunch did you?” Mrs. McClain asked. They shook their head and she gave them a chastising look. 

“Pues, we should get going anyway. We need to get groceries for tomorrow’s dinner, amor,” Mr. McClain said. “We’ll see you both tomorrow, yes?” 

“Yep!” 

“Of course,” Keith answered with a smile, slightly relieved. 

The four of them stood up to leave, saving goodbyes for the parking lot. Lance hugged his parents tightly before kissing their cheeks. Keith stood back, watching the way they hugged him back and smiled at him. His mom cupped his cheek and his dad shook him gently by the shoulders. They said something too softly for Keith to hear that made Lance beam. Then they turned to Keith and smiled, unsure of how to say goodbye. 

Keith simply held his hand out, knowing perfectly well that a hug would be too awkward still. 

“It was wonderful to finally meet you,” Mrs. McClain said. “Get something to eat, okay?” 

Keith laughed and nodded. Mr. McClain simply nodded and smiled, patting his upper arm as he shook Keith’s hand. 

“Drive safe!” Lance called after them as they walked toward a truck just a few spaces down from Lance’s car. Keith stayed at his side as they watched his parents get in the truck and leave the parking lot. Then Lance let out a breathy laugh before plowing into Keith as he wrapped his arms around him. “Oh my God! It went well! It went so well, baby!” He pulled away and kissed Keith over and over, relief and joy clear in his smiles and the way his face flushed. 

Keith smiled back and pulled Lance closer. “It did,” he confirmed. “Now let’s get some food, because as much as I’d love to stand here and kiss you to celebrate, I’m  _ starving.”  _

Lance laughed and nodded, pressing one more kiss to Keith’s cheek before getting in the car. Keith chuckled to himself and got in as well. 

\---

They’d both scarfed down their burgers on the drive back to the house. Lance seemed to be an expert at eating while driving, but Keith still had to feed him his fries. 

Keith spent the drive staring at Lance for the most part. Watching him sing along to the radio, his smile radiating with absolute happiness. And every now and then he’d look over at Keith, playfully singing along to whatever was on the radio, and Keith’s heart would beat a little faster. 

Shiro and Adam were home, and Lance giddily recounted the meeting for them while Keith simply watched him with a smile on his face. The way he spoke with his hands out of excitement, the captivating way he told the story, the way he just couldn’t seem to stop grinning either. 

He noticed Shiro looking at him with a vaguely teasing smile on his face, but Keith didn’t even care. He was too swept up in the euphoria of it all. 

“I told you it’d go better than you thought,” Adam said, giving Keith a sideways hug. “How do you feel?” 

“Like I can’t fully believe it. But also amazing?” Shiro and Adam laughed at him, but Keith simply wrapped his arms around Lance and pulled him in close. “I really hope I don’t make a fool of myself tomorrow though.” 

“Oh please. My family is the life of the party. You just have to sit there and smile and listen to all the chisme,” Lance said. “They like you. My mom said I had good taste.” Keith blushed and rolled his eyes. 

“Does this mean we have to help you pick an outfit for tomorrow too?” Shiro asked. Keith promptly flipped him off. 

“Okay, no more poking fun at me. Don’t we have invitations to send out? Do you have a guest list for me?” 

Shiro and Adam shared a playful look, but the subject was dropped and they ended up spending the rest of the evening at the dinner table with wedding preparations. Once that was done, Shiro and Adam stayed in the living room to watch TV, and Keith went to his room with Lance and Kosmo. 

As Keith changed into something to sleep in, Lance busied himself by looking at the corkboard of pinned up memories. There were more now. Ticket stubs from movies they’d watch, a napkin where Lance had jokingly doodled a heart with their initials while they were waiting on their order, a note Lance had left him once before heading to class on a Monday. 

“Did you mean it?” Lance asked suddenly, his gaze on the corkboard. 

Keith sat on the bed and furrowed his eyebrows. “Did I mean what?” 

“What you said. That you wanted to stay with me for as long as I wanted you to.” 

Keith frowned and reached a hand out for him. “How can you still ask me that?” Lance looked over and took his hand, letting Keith pull him toward the bed. “You know the answer by now.” 

Lance shrugged and leaned into him, resting his head against Keith’s shoulder. “Still….” 

Keith pulled back and cupped Lance’s face to look him in the eyes. “Lance. I have never in my life felt so sure and so good about someone in my life. I can’t… I can’t imagine where I would be if I hadn’t met you. I like my life with you in it. Of course I meant what I said. I think I’d do anything for you, Lance.” 

"Keith…." 

There was a strange look in his eyes. Something frantic. His eyes were wide, skimming Keith's face and he was biting his lip so hard Keith thought he might bleed. 

"What is it?" Keith asked.

Lance shook his head and leaned forward to kiss him, the weight of his body pressing Keith back against the mattress. 

He placed a hand at Lance's hip and the other at the nape of his neck to keep him close. He could feel Lance's warm shaky breaths against his lips between every kiss. 

"Hey, what is it? What's wrong?" 

Lance shook his head again and trailed kisses along his cheek and jawline before kissing his lips. "Nothing's wrong." He leaned down toward Keith's neck, nibbling lightly. "Can I let my actions speak for me tonight? Words are elusive." 

Keith caught the soft look in his eyes before Lance leaned in to bite his lower lip. He nodded mutely. Lance pushed his hand under Keith's shirt and pushed Keith's legs apart with his knee. 

"We'll have to be quiet," Keith whispered. Lance only nodded and kissed him again. 

He tugged Lance's shirt over his head and trail his fingers down his chest and stomach. Lance grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers pulling them up to kiss the back of Keith's hand. 

"Let me get the lube," Keith murmured. He tugged the waistband of Lance's jeans. "Off." 

Lance smiled and rolled over. As Keith went into his drawer, he heard Lance shimmy off his jeans and let the drop to the floor. He turned around and stood in front of Lance, drinking up the sight of his golden brown, freckled body. 

Lance let his hand trail under Keith's shirt. "This isn't fair." 

"Do something about it then," Keith said with a raised eyebrow. 

Lance smirked. He didn't have to be told twice. He tugged off Keith's sweatpants and shoved his shirt up. Keith finished removing it before putting his knees on either side of Lance. 

"Lance-" 

Lance cut him off with a kiss, grabbing him by the hips and rocking against him. Keith gasped and pressed his lips to Lance's forehead, rolling his hips forward as he held onto Lance’s shoulders. He felt Lance’s mouth leaving hot, wet kisses on his chest, felt his fingers tighten when he pressed a little harder. 

Keith slid off of him, tugging Lance’s boxers down to grab him with his hand. He dropped to his knees, but he immediately felt Lance’s hands on his arms. 

He looked up, and Lance simply shook his head. “Come here,” he said softly. “I wanna do this for you, okay?” He pulled Keith up gently and tugged his boxers down. Keith stepped out of them, letting Lance lead him back to where he was. He reached for the lube Keith had tossed on the bed beside him. 

He uncapped it and put a good amount on his fingers before using one arm to cradle Keith’s body against him. The other pressed carefully at his entrance massaging and making Keith’s breaths come a little faster. He leaned in so their foreheads touched, their breaths intermingling. The breach was slow, but Keith tried to shift so it could be a little easier.

Lance leaned back against the bed so that Keith laid over him and kept working his fingers. Keith could feel his face heat up with the increasing need for more. It was unfair the way Lance had the ability to pull him apart with just his fingers. Keith stifled his grunts against Lance’s neck, already sweating since he was unwilling to lift his face in fear of the sound being any louder. 

“Lance, I’m good,” he whispered once Lance had managed three fingers. “Just… just come on, please.” 

Lance reached for the bottle again. He tore open the condom packet, and Keith took it from him, sitting up to put it on for him. He gave a slight squeeze at the base that had Lance’s hips hitching up in response. He lubed himself up and tugged lightly on Keith’s legs. 

He raised himself up on his legs and aligned himself with Lance. He held his gaze, blushing with the way Lance was looking at him. It was almost unfair. They’d been together for so long, how could Lance still make him blush with a look? 

Keith dropped slowly, breathing through it to stay quiet. Even so, once Keith let himself sit fully in Lance’s lap, he couldn’t help the loud, “ _ A-ah!”  _ that shattered the silence. 

Lance quickly sat up, covering Keith’s mouth with one hand, shushing him between laughter and heavy breaths. 

He felt something cold and wet at his foot and yelped, still muffled by Lance’s hand. He turned and grimaced at the sight of Kosmo pacing, nudging his muzzle against Keith’s ankle. 

“Kosmo! No, go over there, boy,” Keith whisper-shouted. He waved him off with his hand as Lance stifled his laugh against Keith’s shoulder. 

Kosmo let out a soft bark that came off as a huff before he trotted away toward the closet and curled up. “You don’t think we’re scarring him do you?” Lance whispered. 

“God, don’t make me question that when I’m literally being filled up by you.” Lance snorted, and Keith narrowed his eyes. “You’re talking a lot for someone who wanted to use actions, you know?” 

Lance raised an eyebrow and wrapped his arms around Keith’s torso before thrusting his hips up in a way that made Keith have to gnash his teeth together before he could make a sound. He did it again and again, and Keith had to bury himself in Lance’s neck. All the noises he wanted to make had him digging his nails into Lance’s back, a few soft grunts occasionally making their way past. 

But the bed began to creak rhythmically too, bouncing and squeaking with each rise and fall. 

“Fuck,” Lance mumbled. 

Before Keith could tell him to ignore it, Lance’s hands moved behind his knees and he stood up, hauling Keith’s weight with him. Keith gasped at the sensation of his support going out from under him, clutching onto Lance for balance before he felt his back hit the wall. 

“Whoa,” he breathed out. “What the hell?” 

Lance furrowed his eyebrows and licked his lips. “Sorry. Is this not okay?” 

Keith stared at him in surprise and locked his legs around him. “It is absolutely okay,” he said. “Just unexpected.” He leaned in and kissed Lance, unable to ignore the way being held up by Lance was… seriously doing something for him. Lance repositioned his arms so they could hook under Keith’s knees before he aligned himself again and began to move his hips slowly. 

Keith let his head fall back against the wall, his eyes rolling back as Lance’s length slowly pushed in and out of him. His breaths sped up and his heartbeat got louder in his ears, heat spreading up his spine to his neck and ears. His mouth fell open when Lance leaned in to kiss his neck, licking hot, wet stripes peppered with sharp bites. He sucked along the hollow of his throat and Keith had to let out a soft moan at the feeling. 

The sound spurred Lance on, making his thrusts a little stronger, causing Keith to thud against the wall. It was still better than the bed creaking. 

Trusting Keith to keep himself up, Lance removed one arm in favor of using his hand to turn Keith’s face toward him. Each movement felt magnified when looking into Lance’s eyes, the gentleness and adoration in them. Seeing the flush along his neck and the way his lip trembled with his labored breath. The way his eyebrows knitted together for a second when Keith clenched around him, or the way he bit his lip when he was using more force. 

His jaw fell open when he felt Lance's thumb slip into his mouth and press down. He tugged on the roots of Lance's hair, trying to stifle another groan. 

"Harder," he whispered. 

Lance grip on his leg tightened. He had to use his hand to cover Keith's mouth because each thrust following had him moaning without reserve. Keith let his weight rest on the wall as Lance grinded against him. 

"Wait, wait, wait, wait," Keith panted, tugging Lance's hand away. "Lemme… let me turn around. It'll be easier to cover my mouth." 

"No, I-" 

"Wanna look at me?" Keith finished. He smiled as Lance simply stared at him, brushing his thumb along his lips. "Okay. Okay." He ran his hand through Lance's hair. "Then just kiss me. Just kiss me." 

He kissed him slowly, tightening his legs around Lance's torso. He wrapped himself around Lance full, curling against him as he kissed his cheek, his neck, his shoulders. 

"I'm gonna start moving, okay?" Lance whispered. Keith nodded, and he felt Lance lift his hips before pulling him back down, meeting him halfway with a determined grind. 

He let out a sharp sound against Lance's shoulder. He bit down, hoping to stifle himself as Lance kept moving, steadily increasing the pace until they were both panting and moaning into each other's skin, slick with sweat. Their limbs were pounding with their racing heartbeat. Keith could feel the flex of Lance's arms as he held him, the way his stomach pulled taut with each thrust. 

He used one hand to tilt Lance's face towards his own, catching his lips in a desperate kiss, broken only by their shaky breaths. He tugged on Lance's lower lip with his teeth, letting it go only because the movement of Lance's hips made his mouth fall open in a gasp. 

"Again, like th-" 

He cried out and slapped a hand over his mouth, scraping his palm with his teeth.

"Mi vida, you have no idea how badly I wanna hear you right now," Lance murmured. "Wanna hear the way your voice breaks. The way you say my name." 

" _ Lance,"  _ he growled through clenched teeth. "I-I can't… please just…  _ fuck. _ " 

"I am," he said with a cheeky smile. Keith scowled and Lance apologized with a kiss. "Wanna risk the bed again?" He nodded and winced as Lance slipped out of him and let his legs come down. He stumbled slightly and Lance held onto him, pulling him against his chest. "Whoa, easy." 

"I'm fine," he breathed. He wrapped his arms around Lance and pushed him back toward the bed. They stumbled over each other until they fell against the mattress and Lance rolled them over. 

They moved further up the bed, shuffling under the covers, kissing the other wherever their lips landed. Keith fell back against the pillow and bit his lip as Lance trailed kisses down his chest, to his stomach, and back up. His hands were free to trail along the side of Keith's body until they reached his legs and he pushed them apart. 

He scooped Keith up into his arms, pressing in close as he skimmed his lips over his neck, whispering nicknames in English and Spanish. Keith sighed and coursed his fingers through his hair, smiling as his kisses traced up his neck, his jaw, until soft, warm lips were back on his own. 

"You're lovely, you know that?" Lance said softly. 

"Mm. You're cheesy," Keith said with a smile. 

Lance laughed for a second before grabbing Keith's hand and pressing it to his cheek. "I'm serious. You're… indescribable, Keith. I just- I don't know how- I want to-" 

"Hey, hey, hey." Keith brought his other hand up to cup his face and bumped their noses together. "Shh. It’s okay.” He knew that when Lance couldn’t figure out his words it meant he was overwhelmed by whatever he wanted to say. “I’m right here. Be here with me.” Lance nodded and tilted his head to kiss Keith’s wrist. 

Keith pulled him down into a kiss and waited for Lance to relax. He ran his hands up and down the expanse of his back, humming softly when Lance pushed his hips down against him. Lance trailed one hand down to line himself up before slowly pushing in, making Keith’s breaths turn shallow as he bit his lip. 

As Lance began to slide in and out of him slowly so as to keep the bed from creaking, the heat of their bodies and the blankets immediately became overwhelming. Especially when Lance shifted and managed to graze that perfect spot inside of Keith. He dug his nails into Lance’s back, taking a sharp breath and holding it in before a moan could slip out. 

“Good?” 

Keith nodded frantically, and Lance kissed him before pushing into him again from the same angle. Keith tried to breathe through it. He felt like his head was getting filled with the sound of his heartbeat. The heat that spiked up his spine and along his neck turned hotter especially with Lance’s body pressing against him. Everything in the room fell away, contracting until only Lance was left meanwhile the feeling in his stomach was expanding, taking over each nerve until he was shaking in Lance’s arms. 

A soft, “Oh God,” slipped from his lips, and then he couldn’t stop anything that came next. The moans, the gasps, the exclamations. Until Lance kissed him and held him tighter as if he could contain it all within his arms. The bed was squeaking slightly, not as loudly as before, but they were on the brink of really testing how sound resistant these walls could be. 

In the state Keith was in he didn’t even care anymore. The heat was unbearable. The coiled up tension in his groin was driving him nuts. Unable to speak, he used his hands to communicate.

They scratched down Lance’s back, resulting in a particularly harder thrust before he managed to cup his hands around the swell of Lance’s ass and yank him closer with a squeeze. Lance let out a sharp breath, biting down on Keith’s lower lip before getting the message and rolling his hips a little faster. 

Keith was panting against Lance’s lips at that point, and he wasn’t even aware of Lance moving his hand between them until he felt the heightened stimulation. Keith’s eyes sought him out frantically, immediately locking with his blue ones before widening for a split second. 

Before the sound could escape, Lance clasped his hand over Keith’s mouth and muffled it. Keith gasped for breath against his hand, blinking to bring the world back into focus as his body trembled with the result of his orgasm. He could feel his heart trying to beat out of his chest. 

Lance’s hand fell away from his mouth, and Keith let out a soft sigh of relief. Lance pulled out of him and turned to his side, keeping Keith wrapped up in his arms. He kissed his shoulders and his cheek while Keith shut his eyes and let his body relax. Once he caught his breath, he turned to Lance and frowned. 

“We didn’t think this through. How are we supposed to clean up?” 

Lance chuckled. “Shower in the morning?” 

Keith grumbled and curled into him, eyes opening when he felt the stiffness poking his side. “You didn’t finish.” 

“I didn’t wanna push it, considering you were already struggling to stay quiet,” Lance said. “It’s okay.” 

Keith huffed and pulled away, reaching over to the bedside table to grab a headband he’d left there. He tied his hair up with it and shuffled under the covers, ignoring Lance’s shocked face. 

“Wha- Keith?” 

Keith tugged the condom off, pulling out from under the covers for a few seconds to toss it in the small trashcan in the corner. He went back under, using his hand first. Lance’s legs tensed immediately, so Keith leaned in to trail kisses on his inner thighs, slowly getting closer and closer to his length. He brushed his thumb over the head and felt Lance’s legs twitch. Then he wrapped his mouth around him, sinking as far as he could as he warmed up his jaw. 

“ _ F-Fu-uck,”  _ Lance hissed above him. Keith pulled off and ran his tongue all around him, pumping with his hand before taking him in again. He bobbed his head up and down, revelling in the way his leg muscles clenched around him. He sucked his cheeks in and felt Lance curl inward, hands grasping at the sheets to find Keith’s head. 

He flicked his tongue over the head, placed pressure around the weight in his mouth by pressing his tongue flat against him, and used his hand to pump what wasn’t in his mouth yet. He could tell Lance was panting, but he was staying quiet, grasping the bedsheets as Keith worked. An occasional grunt slipped through. Keith decided to speed up, testing his gag reflex as he let the head bump the back of his throat. 

“ _ Keith-!”  _

That was all the warning Lance could offer before he was coming in Keith’s mouth, leaving him to swallow what he could. He tugged the covers away and took a breath now that he wasn’t confined under them. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and smirked at Lance smugly. 

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” Lance said in exhaustion. Keith grinned and clambered over him, kissing him quickly on the lips before laying his head on Lance’s chest. His arms came around him holding him tightly. “Te quiero tanto, mi vida….” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and lifted his head. “Translation?” 

Lance turned red and bit his lip. “Um. There actually really isn’t one in English….” Keith tilted his head, and Lance took a deep breath before letting Keith’s hair loose and running his finger through it. “Just…. Not one that explains it correctly. People translate it loosely, but it’s never quite right. To care, to want, to like. It’s a little stronger than that. More holistic.” 

Keith gulped and let his gaze fall to where he was tracing circles into Lance’s chest. “Like… the L-word?” 

“No. Not quite there yet. It’s… it’s a stepping stone though. If there were levels, it’d be ‘I like you,’ ‘te quiero,’ then…. Well, yeah.” 

“Oh,” he said in understanding. He let his gaze flicker back to meet Lance’s. The nervous look was back in his eyes. “A-and ‘tanto’ is like… ‘mucho,’ right?” Lance nodded. “Say it again?” 

Lance’s expression softened. “Te quiero.” Keith tried to repeat it, and Lance smiled. “Tongue between your teeth for the t. Soft roll of the r. Te quiero.” 

“Te quiero.” 

Lance smiled a little wider and nodded. “You got it.” 

“Te quiero, mi cielo.” 

Lance’s eyes went wide and he blushed a deep crimson. “Where’d you learn that one?” 

Keith laughed and kissed his cheek. “From you, duh.” Lance snorted and shook his head. “Hope you don’t mind that I borrowed it.” 

“Not at all, baby.” 

Keith rolled onto his side and got out of bed to get the light and put his clothes back on. “Want something to sleep in?” Lance nodded and got up to get his boxers on. Keith tossed him a shirt and tugged his sweats back on before they got back on the bed. He curled up beside Lance, his back against Lance’s chest. 

He fell asleep to the feeling of Lance pressing kisses to the nape of his neck and shoulder. 

He woke up to the sound of a phone ringing. He opened his eyes, squinting against the sunlight that streamed through his windows. It wasn’t his phone. 

He nudged Lance a few times until he finally grumbled. “Your phone’s ringing,” Keith said with a yawn. Lance didn’t respond. “Lance.  _ Lance.”  _ Keith groaned and burrowed further into his pillow. The phone stopped, and Keith figured he could go back to sleep. 

Then it started again. 

“Lance!” Keith shook him relentlessly until he finally showed signs of waking up. “Wake up. Someone’s calling you,” he said.

Lance finally stretched and picked his head up, sighing as he realized his phone was connected across the room. He got up from the bed and managed to answer, immediately responding in Spanish. Keith flopped over and shut his eyes again, only listening to the tone of Lance’s words. He hung up after a while and returned to the bed, throwing and arm over Keith’s torso. 

“How opposed are you to attending church?” 

“What?” Keith opened his eyes and saw Lance grimacing slightly. 

“My family always goes to church on Easter. My mom said I needed to be there too, and not to forget that the children’s mass starts at one, so I needed to get up and get ready and head over. But they have this little market outside the church, you could probably hang out there if you don’t want to go inside-”

“It’s okay. I can go with you. I just won’t know what to do.” 

Lance chuckled and added, “It’s all in Spanish.” 

“Then I definitely won’t know what to do.” Lance only laughed and rolled his eyes. “It’s not… against the rules to take someone who isn’t Catholic?” 

“No, not at all. It’s encouraged to bring more people. I will warn you though, it’s not as exciting as I’ve seen TV show it. It’s just sermons and a few songs. Plus the one we’re going to is the children’s mass, so there’ll be a puppet show explaining the gospel and a children’s choir.” Lance shrugged and winced slightly. “You don’t have to go if you don’t feel comfortable with it. My mom knows you’re not-”

“It’s okay. Really. I’ve been to a few different type of worship places in the course of my life. It doesn’t really freak me out or anything, I’ll just feel bad for not knowing what to do.” Lance smiled and kissed his nose. “What about you? Are you gonna be okay going? With me being there too? The last time you went….”

He remembered the call he’d gotten from Lance. The panicky tone of his voice, the desperation as he recounted the way he’d felt. Keith didn’t know much about religion, but he thought faith was supposed to be soothing and comforting. He knew Lance thought about Allura when he was in a church. He knew that opened a can of worms of its own before opening the one about Keith’s place in his life. If he was sitting next to him, would that make it harder for Lance? 

“I’m… not sure, if I’m honest,” he said softly. He took Keith’s hand and slotted his fingers in the spaces between his. “I feel like I’ve resolved some of it since. I think I let a lot of it out the last time I went. But I can’t say for sure.” He sighed and shrugged. “I don’t have a choice in going though. It’s important to my mom. So whatever happens… happens, I guess.” 

Keith nodded and squeezed his hand. “Well I’ll be there if you need me. If you don’t, and you want some space, that’s okay too. Just let me know, okay?” 

Lance responded by leaning in and kissing him. As he pulled back, he whispered, “Te quiero.” 

Keith smiled, feeling his cheeks heat up. “Te quiero,” he responded.

\---

After a lot of planning and back and forth communication, they figured out a game plan. Keith showered and Lance picked out his clothes- a delicate balance between professional and casual- and while he got ready, Lance went back to his apartment to shower and change too. Before he could ask Shiro and Adam if they would watch Kosmo, Lance told him he’d asked his mom if they could take Kosmo for the dinner party. They had a backyard he could run in while they were at church, and he would be with them in the front yard once they reconvened there. 

Once they were both ready, Lance picked Keith and Kosmo up and they headed out. Keith wasn’t sure why church was such a big deal for Easter, a day with egg hunts and bunny rabbits, so he asked Lance as they drove. His reaction was almost comical. 

Then, in his usual Lance way, he started his storytelling. It was captivating as ever, bringing Keith into this story of death and resurrection in a way that made him feel wonder as he listened. A little disbelief too, but he figured that was only fair since he hadn’t grown up on these stories. 

But there was something else in the way Lance spoke. A sort of reverence as he talked about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit who were also all apparently the same person. There was pride in his voice as he recalled the stories effortlessly. It showed Keith just how much his faith meant to him at one point. How it had been so ingrained into him, that he was still able to talk about these details Keith didn’t think he could ever remember. Like all 12 disciples’ names. Or the order of the whole crucifixion thing. 

Then, because he was going to this church, because he was confused, and because he liked the way Lance spoke, Keith continued to ask questions. Like what the point of dying was if the guy was going to come back three days later. Or why a kiss on the cheek was betrayal. Or how killing God or Jesus meant salvation. And while he wasn’t sure he bought all the answers, he let Lance explain and nodded along until they reached his house. 

Keith stared at the home in front of him where Lance had grown up most of his life. A driveway, a large front yard with a tree, a grill, a little sidewalk with a bench. He was curious about the inside as well, especially since he couldn’t exactly go in. 

“Well… it’s not much, but it’s home,” Lance said. “My parents already left for the church, so we’ll meet them there. I’ll put Kosmo in the back and we can get going, yeah?” Keith nodded and handed Lance Kosmo’s leash. 

He watched them go inside and then looked around at the other houses. Suddenly, he wondered if any of the neighbors had been Lance’s friends growing up. If he spent his days outside on the very street they were parked on, or if he always played inside. The idea of a single living space, a stable home was something Keith had never given much thought to. The idea of Lance growing up for so many years on this very street, in this very house was intriguing. He wanted to hear Lance talk about it more. 

Lance came back and started the car again. “Okay, I gave him some water in a bucket, so he should be good until we get back. Ready?” Keith nodded and looked out the window as he drove. 

The last time they’d visited, Keith didn’t look around, too preoccupied with nervousness to care. A lot of stores and restaurants had Spanish names and almost every street corner had a food truck. Lance pointed out a few his family really liked. He pointed out the hair salon that he and his siblings would get their haircuts at, the stand they loved to get snow cones from in the summer, the community pool he’d gotten in trouble in, even his old high school. 

Then they came up to a fenced church with a huge parking lot, numerous white tents, and several cars slowly coming in and out. 

“Okay, that’s a little intimidating,” Keith said staring at the crowd pouring out from the building. “Are you sure I’m not underdressed?” Everyone coming out wore suits or dresses, like it was a business meeting mixed with the red carpet. 

“You’re fine, babe. Some people get super dressed up, but it’s usually because they’re going somewhere after.” 

Lance got lucky with a car that was leaving and he was able to take the spot without having to loop around the lot too many times. They got out and the first thing Keith noticed was the smell of food. “Where is that coming from?” 

“The tents. They’re selling food for anyone hungry after church. I dunno what it is about church, but you always leave hungry.” Keith walked beside him, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He was suddenly very aware of everything. “You okay?” Lance asked. 

“Yeah. Just… trying to stay near.” 

Lance smiled and led him to the front of the church. Among the people crowding the area, Keith recognized Lance's family from the sound of their voices just as Veronica called out for Lance. She rushed toward him and pulled him into a hug before doing the same with Keith. 

"We're just about to go in, we're just waiting for the last people from the last mass to come out. Good to see you again, Keith," she said, leading them where the rest of the family was. 

Marco gave him a rough little side hug before tugging two kids to his side. "These are my kids. They were… very excited to meet you." 

Keith blushed and smiled at Nadia and Sylvio. "Hi. Lance has told me a lot about you guys." They giggled as they looked at Lance then down at the floor, giving shy little waves. 

Keith could tell he was being watched and it was nerve wracking. Then he felt a tap on his shoulder, and he turned to look at a girl he didn't know. "I'm Maya. Keith right? I've heard a lot about Lance's boyfriend these past few weeks," she said with a smile.

Keith laughed nervously, noting how easily she said it. He caught a nervous movement from his peripheral, probably one of Lance's parents, but Maya seemed completely at ease. "It's nice to meet you. Luis' girlfriend, right?" 

She nodded and leaned a bit. "Don't worry, they eventually stop watching every move you make. The nerves wear off." She pulled back and winked before slinking her arm into Luis'. 

"Okay, okay! Everyone get inside so we can get seats. We'll finish introductions afterwards," Mrs. McClain said ushering them inside.

As they went inside, Keith furrowed his eyebrows at the scent. He knew churches used incense, but he didn’t think it would smell like that. It was a strong smell, permeating the entire space. Most of the pews were filled, and people even had to stand along the side aisles. 

He noticed Lance make a cross across himself, but Keith wondered if he was even aware of it or if it was a habit. He and his family dipped their hands in a little container of water and smeared it on their foreheads before bowing slightly in the center of the aisle. Keith decided he could ask about that later. He followed Lance as he walked down the side aisles, his eyes constantly going back to the agonized Jesus crucified at the front. That seemed a bit morbid for a place of worship….

They took up nearly a whole pew when they sat down. After sitting down, their eyes all went to Keith with wide smiles, and suddenly he felt like the crucified Jesus. 

Keith and Lance sat at the end with Lance beside his mother. She leaned around Lance to squeeze Keith's hand. “I’m so glad you came, m’ijo. Is your puppy at the house?”

Keith nodded and quickly mentioned, “Lance took him in. I waited in the car.” 

She smiled and laughed softly, mumbling, “Ternura,” under her breath. Keith hadn’t heard that one, and Duolingo hadn’t taught it to him either. He only hoped it was a good thing. 

When the mass started, Keith took his cues from the rest of the McClains. They stood, so he stood. There was a song from some seriously out-of-tune kids and some words and then they sat down, so Keith did too. 

Being at church when he didn’t understand the language was an experience of its own. When Lance grabbed the little booklet tucked in the back of the pews, he shifted it toward Keith, showing him the English version of what was being read. Then they had to stand and Keith read along to a story similar to the one Lance had told him in the car. And that was the extent of his understanding. The priest continued to speak, pacing around the front as he did. Then suddenly all the kids raced to the front, sitting with their multicolored dresses and mini-suits as a wall painted with handprints, a frog, and smiling faces was set up. Puppets popped out of it, and Keith couldn’t help the little chuckle that escaped him. Lance looked over at him and smirked. 

Keith watched as the puppets bounced around, talking in those over-the-top voices. Then when they disappeared a frog puppet came out, greeting the kids. That part Keith understood. The kids responded, occasionally given a microphone, occasionally as a group. So the frog was like a comprehension quiz. 

More standing. More songs. Bowed heads and praying with words too fast for Keith to even try to understand. There was a point where they knelt down, with everyone reciting something everyone knew somehow before staying quiet. Instead of getting up with everyone else, Lance remained kneeling, and Keith furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. 

He glanced down the row and Mrs. McClain gave him a reassuring smile. “This is when he prays,” she whispered. Keith nodded and watched Lance carefully, looking for any sign of distress. But Lance simply took a while longer and sat back down. He reached for Keith’s hand discreetly and squeezed it. Keith squeezed back. 

At one point everyone started wishing peace for each other, kissing cheeks and holding hands like they all knew each other. Strangers went up to Keith saying, “La paz,” which Keith echoed. No one batted an eye at his pronunciation, so he supposed he did okay. Lance chuckled and kissed his cheek as he shook his hand. “Still okay?” he whispered. 

“Yeah. Just… kind of mystified. You?” 

Lance smiled. “I’m good.” Then he turned to do the same greeting with the rest of his family. Nadia and Sylvio shimmied down the pew to bashfully shake Keith’s hand and giggle as they said, “Peace be with you.” Keith replied the same way which made them grin wider and scamper back to their dad. 

Keith wasn’t really aware of the fact that mass was ending until the priest was walking back down the aisle to leave. As soon as he was out the door, the people scattered like ants, flooding toward the door. The McClains sat back down, so Keith did too. 

“So, is the whole thing as creepily ritualistic as the internet makes it out to be?” Veronica asked Keith from down the pew. 

“No,” he answered, mostly because of the disapproving look Mrs. McClain was giving her. “It was interesting not understanding though.” 

Mr. McClain had been quiet the whole time, mostly listening in with his hand around his wife's waist. Keith noticed he tended to look at him when he thought neither Keith nor Lance was paying attention. As Marco asked Nadia and Sylvio to explain what they learned to pass the time, Keith noticed it more from his peripheral. 

The kids talked in English, so Keith was able to understand what they were saying. Thanks to Lance's crash course, Keith was able to keep up. Veronica high-fived them when they finished while Luis looked toward the back of the church. 

"Well, I think it'll be okay to head out now," he said. "I'm craving a churro-"

"Save space in your stomach for food at home," Mrs. McClain reminded him as they got up. 

Veronica fell in step beside him and Lance as they walked. "You did better today," she whispered. 

Lance blushed slightly and shrugged. "Guess I got all my yelling at God done last time. Besides, there's not so much pressure anymore." 

She nodded and hugged him as they walked. Then she looked at Keith with a playful smile. "And you looked thoroughly confused half the time."

"Well, I'm not used to so much rapid Spanish. Lance usually only gives me a phrase or two to keep up with." 

She grinned wider and draped her arms over both their shoulders. "Ah, you did good, man. You were focused and you were quiet, which to Mami makes for a perfect churchgoer." 

He smiled back and nodded. They got into their respective cars, and Keith stayed quiet in the time it took them to make their way out of the lot. He thought back to the way Lance had knelt during the mass, the way he bowed his head against interlocked hands, the deep breath he took before crossing himself and sitting back down. 

“So you were okay?” Keith asked as they got onto the street. “No anxiety?” 

Lance looked at him and sighed as he smiled. “There was some. Part of me wondered if I was allowed to be there. If we were. It helped having you there, though. It helped that I wasn’t hiding anything from anyone anymore.” 

“Can I ask what you prayed about?” 

That question was met with more of a smirk. “That is between me and Papá Diosito,” he said. Keith looked at him suspiciously, but he didn’t push. “What about you? How’d you feel? You’re allowed to say you didn’t like it. Mami’s not around.” 

Keith chuckled and looked out the window. “It was interesting. I might think different if I understood it, but…. I don’t know. I didn’t dislike it.” Lance snorted. “I liked watching you,” Keith added. “It was… nice seeing this side of you. Connected with your faith. The way you looked so focused, the way you’d shut your eyes for every prayer or response. I can tell you believe in it without question. Maybe still hurt and angry, but… that faith you said you wanted to get back is still there.” 

When there was no response, Keith looked over at Lance. His eyes were gleaming. His jaw was tense. Keith thought he’d fucked up, but then Lance reached over to take his hand and kissed the back of it before squeezing tightly. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. Somehow, Keith had managed to say something Lance needed to hear, and that was enough for right now. 

As they got closer to Lance’s street, he said, “Don’t be intimidated by them, okay? They can be loud and all but it’s normal. If you get overwhelmed let me know, okay?” 

Keith smiled. “I can manage, pretty boy.”

As they pulled up to the house, Mr. and Mrs. McClain were pulling out tables and chairs and a speaker. Marco and the kids had just gotten out of their car, Nadia and Sylvio with baskets in hand. Lance pulled in and shut the car off. He kissed Keith’s cheek and bumped their noses together. 

“Ready?” 

Keith nodded, and they got out. Lance went inside to get Kosmo, and Keith steeled himself as he went up to Mr. McClain. “Is there anything I can help with?” 

“Si, there’s two coolers in the garage. Can you bring them out? It’s open, just push it up.” 

Keith nodded and went to the garage door, tugging it upwards until it slid open. Inside were bicycles, bins and cardboard boxes stacked on each other, and a kiddie pool. Off to the side, he saw the two coolers and carried them out. Veronica came out of the house with cartons of beer and soda and waved him over. 

“Keith, this is an imperative question.” She cluttered the sodas in one cooler and the beers in another as Keith frowned. She looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “Can you dance bachata? Salsa? Boleros or Cumbia?” 

“Uh…. I mean… not specifically? I think I could pick it up if I see it, though.”

“You’d better. It’ll get you major brownie points.” She suddenly whistled loudly and called out, “Vamos, Luis, that ice will be melted by the time you get it to me!” 

Luis responded in Spanish, but his tone was sarcastic enough that Keith could assume the translation. Before he could eavesdrop anymore, Lance walked out of the house with Kosmo who immediately started barking at the new people and tugging his way toward Keith. 

“Easy, boy,” Lance said with a chuckle as he handed the leash over. “I gave him a couple sausages for a snack.” 

Keith smiled, but before he could thank Lance, Nadia and Sylvio ran up to him with wide eyes and smiles. “What’s your dog’s name?” Nadia asked. 

“Kosmo,” he answered. 

“Can we pet?” 

“Yeah, of course.” The two extended their hands for Kosmo to sniff before he began wagging his tail and licking their fingers. Nadia and Sylvio laughed as they pet him and spoke in Spanish to him. “He likes you guys. He likes fetch if you have something to throw.” 

Their smiles got somehow wider. Keith figured the McClains just had the gift of smiles. They dashed into the garage and soon came out with a soccer ball that had Kosmo's tail wagging. Keith let Kosmo off his leash and he bounded after them. 

Someone started playing music on the speaker and Keith saw Veronica and Maya come out of the house with grocery bags. He felt Lance's arms wrap around him as they watched the twins play with Kosmo. 

He turned to smile at him, but when he shifted his gaze, he caught Lance's dad staring with a distressed expression before looking away. Keith felt his face heated up. He grabbed Lance's hands and unwrapped them, tugging him toward the foldout table. 

"Come on, let's see if there's anything else we can help with. Maybe I could learn a new recipe." 

Lance smiled and followed him. Veronica and Maya were peeling shrimp, and they both smiled when the two walked over. 

"Flaco, you gonna help with the shrimp this time?" She held one up and wiggled it toward him only for Lance to scoot back and cringe. 

"Vero! Come on, you know that freaks me out!" 

Keith raised an eyebrow. "You're scared of shrimp?" 

Lance stared at him as if Keith had just betrayed him. "Look at it! The tiny legs, the fucking whiskers or whatever, the  _ beady, black eyes.  _ They're- agh!" Lance shivered and stayed safely behind Keith. 

"Cobarde," Veronica said with a roll of her eyes. "What about you, Keith?"

"Oh, sure."

"Oh good, you can take my spot. I'll go help Doña Cari with the rice and any dishes," Maya said. "You know how to do it?" 

"I'll show him," Veronica said. Maya nodded and went inside. 

"Doña Cari?" Keith repeated. 

"Mami's name is Caridad," Lance explained. "Doña is a respectful term for an elder. For men, it's Don. So Papá would be Don Julio." 

Keith nodded in understanding. After a few more minutes of peeling shrimp, Luis and Marco joined them. 

“Why do you have that look on your face?” Lance asked Luis. 

Luis looked over his shoulder toward the door to the house. “Well, I finally had enough for the down payment. I wanted to see what you guys thought.” 

Keith wasn’t too sure what he meant until he pulled out a little box and opened it. Both he and Veronica dropped the shrimp in their hands. Lance gasped and nearly knocked the table over trying to get a closer look. 

“Are you- today?” Marco asked. “Here?” 

“No! No, not right now. I just wanted to show you guys since we’re all here. I got it on Friday when I got paid.” Luis pulled the ring out of the box and stared at it like it held his own life. “I want to wait for a perfect moment, but honestly… I’ll probably pull it out while she’s yelling at a soccer match. Or about to go to bed. Or-” 

“What do you mean?” Lance asked. “Dude. As the best man-”

“Uh what?” 

Marco’s interruption went ignored. “I’m telling you that this has to be special. Even if it’s private, still… special.” 

Keith hummed. “I don’t know. I think there  _ is  _ something special about proposing at a moment like that. It’s a small moment that reminds you how much you love her, right?” Luis nodded. “I think there’s something special in a mundane moment like that making you realize that you can’t wait any longer to ask. It’s still romantic.” 

Keith lifted his gaze from the ring to see Vero and Marco smirking, Luis staring at the ring, and he could  _ feel  _ Lance’s eyes on him. He felt his face heat up and immediately returned to the shrimp. He was done with his pile, but his hands were a mess. 

“Um. Where can I wash my hands?” 

“Here, I’ll take you,” Lance said.

Keith got up to go with him, getting redder at the sound of soft laughter from the others as they walked away. Lance took him around the house where they had a water spout. Keith rinsed his hands off and avoided eye contact with Lance. 

“I always wondered what made you ask me then,” Lance said softly. Keith met his eyes furrowed his eyebrows. “When you said you wanted to be official. It came out of nowhere and…. I don’t know. I expected it on a date or something. I can’t even remember what I was doing when you asked-”

“You’d just made cookies. You were breathless because I wouldn’t stop tickling you.” 

Lance stared at him in surprise, a smile on his lips. “You’re incredible.” Before Keith could respond, Lance stepped forward and pulled him into a kiss. His hands were gentle on his cheeks, and Keith forgot where they were for a moment. As Lance pulled away, he bumped their noses together and whispered, “Te quiero.” 

“Te quiero más.” 

Lance smiled widely at Keith’s response and kissed him again. They heard Don Julio call for Lance, and Keith wondered if the man somehow  _ sensed  _ physical affection. They returned hand in hand, but the second Lance’s dad saw them, Keith saw that same flicker of a grimace before he composed himself. 

He pulled his hand away, and Lance gave him a confused look. “My hands smell like shrimp. I’m gonna watch Kosmo and the kids.” 

“Okay,” Lance said, but the little crease between his eyebrows told him he wasn’t buying it. 

Keith sat down and watched Kosmo pounce on the soccer ball as the twins, both sweaty and laughing, tried to get it away from him. Once Kosmo saw Keith sit, he ran over and laid at his feet, panting and wagging his tail. Nadia and Sylvio followed, sitting on the grass beside Kosmo. 

"Daddy said that you can dance really cool," Sylvio said. "He said he saw you."

"Yeah, he did. But a lot of the cool stuff was my partner's idea. She's really good." 

They nodded and Nadia asked, "Are you gonna do more performances?" 

"Yeah. One more just before the end of the year." 

"We should ask Daddy if we can go see it," Nadia told her brother. 

He nodded and looked at Keith who just smiled. "Can you teach us a dance?" 

Keith hesitated. "Well the ones I do are pretty hard…. But I remember one we did in high school for fun that's easy. Come on." He lined them up on the grass so they were facing him. "Okay, you're gonna mirror me. I'll do the step first then you repeat it." They nodded excitedly. 

Keith started teaching them, bit by bit, laughing with them when they stumbled on their feet. It was a short dance, so it let him spend more time helping them figure out the right way to move. 

"Alright you guy wanna try with the music?" They nodded and fidgeted excitedly where they stood. Keith put the song on and counted for them, going a little slower than they were supposed to. The twins kept up and Nadia kept nodding her head to the beat. When they finished Keith laughed and lifted his hands to high five them. "Wow, you guys picked it up pretty quick, nice job!" 

"Papi! Did you see us?" Sylvio shouted. Keith turned and felt his face turn bright red when he saw everyone watching them from the sidewalk. They'd even brought Doña Caridad and Maya back outside. 

"I saw!" Marco said with a smile. "Good job you two!" 

Lance was smiling widely, eyes on Keith. He cleared his throat and turned to the twins. "You two keep practicing, okay? I'm gonna take a break." They nodded and started counting for themselves as Keith made his way to the others sheepishly. 

They were all suppressing smiles, a knowing gleam in their eyes, but they didn't say anything as they went back to what they were doing. 

Meanwhile, Lance took his hands and pulled him closer. "Was that the dance from Another Cinderella Story?" 

Keith blushed even more which shouldn't have been possible. "Um. Yeah. We learned it in high school for no reason except that a few girls were obsessed with it." Lance laughed and there was a look of pride in his eyes. "How… how long was everyone watching?" 

Lance shrugged. "In time to see the whole dance with music." Keith groaned. "It was unfairly cute and I'm pretty sure that everyone loves you at least five times more." 

"Is there water?" Keith asked, wanting to cool himself off. The embarrassment made his body heat spike and he needed to calm down. 

"Yeah, I'll be right back," Lance said with a chuckle. He kissed his cheek then went into the house. 

As he left Keith saw Don Julio staring at the food he was making. His eyes flickered to Keith briefly then back to the food. Keith shoved his hands in his pockets. It’d been a long time since he felt so… watched. 

The door opened again and Lance came out with a glass of water. Keith thanked him and drank it. Lance rubbed his shoulders gently and said, “Mi vida, relax. You’re okay. Seriously.” 

And Keith tried. He really tried not to be aware of every conspiratorial look between the siblings. That he wasn’t aware of Lance’s parents trying to watch him when they thought he didn’t notice or staring when Lance tried to grab his hand or kiss his cheek. Even Maya seemed to be unable to keep from watching him and Lance together. It put him on edge. One slip, and then what? 

The only ones not watching Keith were the twins who just kept dancing their new dance and playing with Kosmo. 

When the crab legs were ready, everyone served themselves along with some rice Maya brought out and the cooked shrimp. Keith had never eaten crab legs before, and he had no idea how to begin. Everyone else seemed to be able to do it without giving it much thought, but he just ate around it. 

He felt a tap on his arm and looked over. Don Julio smiled a little nervously and showed him how to open one of the crab legs, pulling the meat out swiftly. He nodded and gestured at Keith. “Now you.” 

Keith hesitated, but he grabbed another crab leg and tried. It was a little messier, but he managed to get the meat out.

“It gets easier,” Lance’s dad responded. He smiled and returned to his food, leaving Keith a little confused, but he took what he could get. 

Just before sunset, the twins began their egg hunt. They ran around, competing with each other and yelling each time they found a dyed egg. Their baskets quickly got filled and before Keith knew what was happening, they started cracking them against Marco and Luis’ heads. Colorful confetti spilled out as the two yelped in surprise before the kids burst into laughter and started sharing the eggs. 

Suddenly everyone was running after each other, laughing and ducking and cringing as eggshells shattered against their head, decorating their hair and clothes in confetti or even flour. Keith watched from a bench they had on the sidewalk, laughing as everyone was covered in one of the two, and rubbed their heads with a wince. With all the eggs gone, Lance moved to sit with Keith, shaking his hair out. 

“Can you check if I have any left?” he asked. Keith leaned forward to check his hair, then he felt a quick sting on his scalp with the sound of a crack and froze as flour fell around him. Keith turned around to see Veronica her hand still half out as she laughed. Before he could say anything, he felt another sting and confetti fluttered all around him. 

“You… traitor!” Keith shook his hair out against Lance, holding him still before he could run. Lance managed to get free and quickly out to the lawn where everyone was still getting the mess off themselves. Keith raced after him before Nadia tugged on his arm and gave her one more egg. 

“It’s the last one!” 

Keith smiled and hid on the other side of the truck, across and out of sight from where Lance was hiding. He heard Lance move and heard him call out to ask where Keith went. 

“He went around the house,” Maya answered.

Lance walked out slowly, his gaze opposite from where Keith was half hiding. Once he was within reach, Keith went up and brought the egg down on his head, making Lance scream in surprise before falling into a fit of laughter. 

He looked over at Maya and frowned. “I can never trust you again.” 

“Don’t blame her, Nadia gave him the egg,” Luis said with a smirk. 

Lance gasped dramatically and looked at Nadia. “Not you too!” Nadia giggled and ran behind her dad. 

“Wait, I gotta get a picture!” Vero shouted from the front door. She walked out and held up her phone. “Smile!” 

Keith was already smiling, but his smile got bigger when Lance hugged him and said, “Cheese!” 

Before Keith could pull away after the shutter, Lance grabbed his face with flour coated hands and kissed him. Right there in front of anyone who looked their way. For a second, Keith panicked, worried that they’d get yelled at or that they’d make faces. But then Lance pulled away and smiled with unreserved joy, and Keith figured it would be worth it. 

But no one yelled. No one seemed to make faces. They just smiled and laughed and picked confetti off each other. 

When it got darker, someone plugged in a long LED light to illuminate the yard. The music was turned up, and though Keith expected everyone to start dancing, everyone was mostly either singing along or talking over it. 

He saw Luis and Maya holding hands and they moved toward the free space and began to dance. They were pressed together like it was a slow dance, but the music was anything but. The movement of their feet was quick and sharp, paired with hip movements that made made the dance feel faster paced than it probably was. Then they slid apart and Luis began to twirl Maya back and forth, her wild curly hair flying along with her. 

Before he could watch more, he felt a hand on his arm and heard Vero say, “I’m stealing him, okay?” 

She tugged him toward the space and smiled at him. “Ever heard this music before?” 

“Uh. I’m not sure. There’s a lot of footwork and paced spins.” 

Vero rolled her eyes and put her hands on his shoulders. “Don’t get too technical about it. You gotta feel the music. Come on.” She took his hands then called over her shoulders. “Lance! Grab my phone and play  _ Suavemente!”  _ Lance laughed and gave her a thumbs up as he went to the phone. Meanwhile, Veronica started talking him through the basic steps. “So shift your weight from foot to foot.” She showed and put his hands on her hips. “And you gotta swish. The hips are important.” Keith nodded. Get that down and you can probably figure out how the turns come in.” 

He nodded again as a trumpet blasted from the speakers. She smiled widely and added her own little flair to the beginning. She looked over her shoulder where Lance was watching with an amused smile with his arms around his mom. 

Then the rhythm picked up and Keith found himself relying on the instinct of his feet being able to follow a beat as Veronica started dancing. The footwork was relatively easy, and relied a lot on her confidence and lead to know where to move next before he picked up on her pattern. 

“Spin!” she said. She held both his hands and apun under them so that Keith’s arms were loose around her as they moved before she spun again to get back in place. She shoved his shoulder when she wanted him to spin out with her, laughing and nodding in approval when he did it right. 

Keith didn’t know what it was about this charming McClain smile, but it was contagious and he found himself laughing, not so worried about the family members he knew were watching him. Another song came on after the one Vero had requested, and she kept dancing with him until he was comfortable enough with it to start leading. 

The dancing partners around them switched around, with Mrs. McClain eventually getting Lance to dance with her too. Keith didn’t think Lance gave himself enough credit. He always claimed he was only good enough to pass with a dance, but not as good as his siblings. And granted, he stared at his feet more than anything as he danced, but there were brief moments where he wouldn’t be paying so much attention to himself, laughing or talking with his mom or Maya or even Nadia when she asked him to dance that he moved more fluidly, more confidently. 

When Lance was dancing with Maya, she turned him over to Keith and went to get a drink. Keith held out his hand, his eyes flitting to Lance’s parents. They seemed lost in their own world with each other as they danced. 

“They won’t say anything,” Lance said. “I already talked to my dad.” 

“What?” 

Lance nodded. “You’re not as subtle as you think. And neither is he.” Lance pushed a strand of hair away from his eyes. “It’s different for them both, and I get that. But they have to get used to it.”

A different kind of music started playing, making Lance smile. Keith had heard this kind before, specifically in dance rehearsals when everyone was cooling off or playing around. 

“This is the one kind of dance I can actually feel comfortable dancing to.” He pulled Keith closer, his hand at the base of Keith’s spine and the other in his hand. He began to lead and Keith smiled as Lance started singing. 

It was a mix of English and Spanish which sounded so wonderful coming from Lance’s lips. Keith felt his heart melt, felt his cheeks burn as Lance sang to him. The fluid way he switched between the languages, the way his expressions still allowed Keith to get an idea of what he was saying in Spanish, the way he smiled as he sang so his dimple showed. The way he sang so softly, it was just for him to hear. 

Then the line: “ _ And darlin’, darlin’, stand by me.”  _

Keith finally understood why Lance blushed so much when he said it to him. Having it turned on himself, Keith couldn’t help but bury his face in Lance’s neck, overwhelmed with a feeling that radiated joy and somehow weakness in the best possible way. Vulnerability and affection and excitement and recklessness and... and a willingness to hand it all over to Lance, unfiltered. 

As the song continued, Lance eventually coaxed Keith out of hiding. He leaned forward so their foreheads touched, the whispers of his words a soft breath against Keith’s lips. Keith didn’t even know if they were still moving, he just… was so wrapped up in Lance’s voice, in the feelings stirring through his body. He was pretty sure they were threatening to make him collapse, and yet he’d never felt stronger. 

Before the song could even fully end, Keith put his hand at the nape of Lance’s neck and pulled him into a kiss. A soft one, but the hold his other hand had against his arm betrayed how badly he wished he could  _ really _ kiss him.

When he pulled away, he smiled and playfully narrowed his eyes. “And you said you couldn’t dance.” 

Lance rolled his eyes and laughed. 

They stayed a little while longer after that, which mostly consisted of Lance playing with Nadia and Sylvio until he got tired and they called him old. They continued to play soccer with Kosmo once Lance sat with Keith. He listened as everyone talked about things that happened at their work or news from family members. There were so many names and nicknames tossed around that Keith couldn’t dream of keeping up with it, but he listened and drank his soda. 

A little past midnight, Lance announced that they had to get going so he wouldn’t be driving back too late. Everyone got up and waited their turn to say goodbye to them both. 

Doña Caridad had Lance for a while, so Keith went ahead and said goodbye to the others. Don Julio shook his hand and gave him a tense smile. 

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. It’s just….” 

“Yeah, I get it,” Keith said. “It’s okay.” 

“I’ll get better,” he promised. “You….” He stopped and frowned. Keith raised an eyebrow uncertainly. “You’re good for him,” was all he said. Then he patted his shoulder and went to get a beer. 

Nadia and Sylvio went up to him next. They hugged Kosmo and laughed when he licked their faces. 

“Will you come back again?” Nadia asked. “With Kosmo too?” 

Keith chuckled and shrugged. “Yeah, next time you guys have a celebration or something, we’ll come.” 

“For our birthday!” Nadia said. Keith laughed and nodded. They hugged him tightly, which Keith wasn’t really expecting. “And thanks for teaching us that dance.” 

“Anytime. I’ll try to find another for you guys next time I see you.” Nadia high fived him and then left to say bye to Lance. Sylvio stayed, hesitating. Keith frowned. “Hey, you okay?” 

Sylvio nodded. Then he pulled a crumpled, folded paper from his pocket. “It’s for you. But open it when you’re alone.” 

“Oh. Okay.” Sylvio nodded and hugged him one more time before going into the house. 

Lance was finally able to move on to his siblings. Which meant his mom was able to go up to Keith. 

She smiled at him, remnants of tears in her eyes. Keith wasn’t sure what to say. Then she said, “Thank you. For caring about him the way you do. For bringing him back.” Keith wasn’t sure what she meant by that, but he had no time to question it before she yanked him into a hug. He had no idea this small woman had so much strength, but it was one of the most genuine hugs Keith had ever received. “Be good to him, please.” She pulled away and made the cross sign over him with a smile. “And I can’t wait for the day I welcome you inside our home.” 

That made Keith take a sharp breath. There was so much that came from that sentence. Fear. Disbelief. Pride. Excitement. Keith didn’t know which emotion to indulge, so he shoved them all aside and tried to compose himself enough to nod and spit out a nervous thank you. 

He pulled Kosmo along with him to the car, waving goodbye. Lance was hugging his dad, and Keith had a feeling he might be crying. He had to admit that watching the way Lance acted around his family was an endearing experience. The way he was so careful with his mom, the way he was so affectionate with his dad and brothers. It was the kind of family Keith used to daydream about as a child. And he was so happy that Lance had it.

The drive back was quiet. Lance was still teary-eyed, but Keith didn’t want to intrude and ask what he’d talked to his parents about. He just put his hand at the nape of his neck and ran his hand soothingly along his shoulders. Music played softly on the radio, letting them wind down. 

“My place or yours, principe?” Lance asked. 

“Yours is closer. I’ll just need to borrow clothes.” 

Lance nodded and took the next exit. Once they got to his apartment, they went straight to the room to get ready for bed. 

While Lance brushed his teeth he called back to where Keith was changing into something to sleep in. “My parents didn’t scare you with their goodbyes, did they?” 

He thought for a moment of what Doña Carida last said. “No, they didn’t scare me. Your dad apologized though.” From the bathroom, Keith could hear Lance grunt in response.

Keith took advantage of Lance being busy to grab his pants from the floor and pull out Sylvio's note. He unfolded it, smiling at his misspelled name at the top and the different sized letters. 

_ Dere Keeth, _

_ Thank you for makeing tio lance smile more. He use to looke sad a lot but now hes super happy. We liek dansing with you and playing with cozmo.  _

_ Pleas keep maeking tio happy. _

_ Love: Sylvio and Nadia  _

The note made a knot form in his throat. He stared at it and reread it until he heard the faucet turn on in the bathroom. He tucked the note away back to his pants pocket before folding them and putting them on Lance's desk.

Lance came back into the room and plopped onto the bed. Keith walked back over to him and laid beside him. 

“Are you okay, pretty boy? Your goodbyes seemed… emotional.” 

“Hmm. Yeah. In a good way though.” Lance scooted closer and smiled. “They liked you. Everyone liked you.” 

Keith laughed and kissed him softly. Lance already looked half asleep the second his eyes shut. “Let me get the light,” Keith whispered, disentangling himself. He turned the light off and got back into bed, wrapping his arms around Lance and pulling him closer. “Goodnight, darling. Te quiero.” 

He heard Lance sigh happily. “Y yo a ti, mi vida. Goodnight.” 

He watched as the moonlight casted shadows on Lance’s face, showing the way his smile slowly faded the more he succumbed to sleep.

As he stared at him, he thought of what his mom had said about him going into the house one day. He thought about the flurry of clashing emotions he felt when he looked at Lance, when he did something that just made Keith wonder how he’d gotten so lucky to be with him. His own words from the cafe echoed in his head, along with the memory of a conversation they’d had at a lonesome restaurant once. 

He wasn’t sure when it happened, but at some point, being with Lance became absolute. It wasn’t something he was waiting out. He wasn’t counting the days until an inevitable break up. Any plans he had for his future suddenly included having Lance there to share them with, and it… it didn’t scare Keith to think that way anymore. 

Lance had said “te quiero” was a stepping stone, but… what if Keith was already there? 

This feeling he couldn’t name had developed slowly. So slowly he hadn’t been aware of it until there was nothing left but to feel it. And it wasn’t terrifying. It wasn’t frustrating or something he wanted to get rid of or ignore or something that made him feel small. 

It just made sense. 


	26. Side Effects

The smell of the ballpoint pen was familiar. It raised a sense of nostalgia, of belonging.

_ Since you don’t like phone calls, I wrote this letter and sent these copies. I promise to visit soon. There’s so much I need to tell you. The semester is almost over and I’ll have more time to be better about saying hello. In the meantime, go easy on me. I’m a little rusty. _

_ ~Lance _

He folded the letter and stuffed it into the envelope, before slapping a stamp on it. He addressed it to Coran and put in the outgoing mail bin of the apartment complex. He took a deep breath and nodded, as if affirming himself, before going back up to his place. He sat on the couch, his eyes falling on the stuffed lion that had become such an integral part of the living room, Lance sometimes forgot it was there. 

“I’d say you’re long due for a stay at Keith’s, but he’s here most of the time anyway, bud,” Lance said aloud to it. He grabbed the lion and smiled as he thought back to their carnival date and the game Keith had won this at. “It’s been a wild ride, huh, Laith?” He ruffled the mane which felt a little dusty. 

There was a strange feeling in his chest. Not worry or fear or sadness. It wasn’t bad. But it was still distracting. Something about sending that letter felt like… a moment of closure but also the beginning of something else. A moment of surrender. 

Lance hummed and untucked the pen behind his ear to write on his arm. _ There is surrender in the silence/ serenity in surrender.  _ That could be something. 

His phone started ringing, startling him before he answered. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, pretty boy. So, I totally forgot to mention it last weekend, but would you be up for a night out? Alexa wants to go to a bar and introduce us to her girlfriend-”

“Ooh! I love introductions. Yeah, when?” 

There was a beat of silence. “Tonight? I work a double shift tomorrow so it would have to be tonight so we still have time to study for finals this week. Pidge and Hunk can go too.”

Lance laughed and nodded. “Okay, you wanna pick me up? It’ll be like a date.” 

“We do need more of those,” Keith answered. Lance could hear the smirk in his voice. “So yeah? We’d head out around nine. I’ll head to your place at eight? We can eat something before heading out.” 

“Sounds good, koala. See you later.” 

“Hey.” 

Lance hummed, quickly putting the receiver to his ear again.

“Te quiero.”

Lance blushed and smiled, squeezing Laith closer to himself. “Yo te quiero más.” 

“Liar,” Keith said. “Okay, I’ll see you later, darling.” 

Lance bit his lip and hung up before collapsing on the couch with the lion clutched to his chest. “God, I’m so fucking lucky,” he said with a laugh as he looked at the ceiling. He took a breath and let Keith’s voice echo in his head, repeating those words. 

He wondered what it would sound like to hear him say more. What it would be like to say more. He mouthed the words at the ceiling, testing them on his lips. They felt shaky, even without sound. He shook his head and laughed at himself before getting up to take a shower and get ready. 

He sent a message in the group chat he had with Pidge and Hunk about going to the bar. They said they’d meet them there. 

He cut it close with getting ready, even with a little over three hours of time. Keith arrived exactly a minute past eight with food in his hands. The paper bags carried the scent of burgers and fries, and Lance was pretty sure-

“Is that bacon?” 

Keith smirked and kissed his cheek. “Got you a bacon burger. Extra fries.” 

Lance groaned and kissed him properly on the lips. “God I- thank you, I’m starving.” 

Keith winked and put the food on the coffee table for them to sit and eat. “We should hurry though because we can’t be late. Alexa  _ will  _ choke me to death.” 

“Kinky,” Lance said. Keith pinched his side. “Ah! Rude.” 

Keith only smiled and pulled out his burger. As they ate, Lance kept staring at Keith, narrowing his eyes and squinting until Keith finally asked, “Why are you giving me that look?” 

“Because how are you allowed to look like a fucking model when you’re eating a burger? Be messy and gross.” 

Keith hummed and swiped a fry dipped in ketchup across his cheek. “How’s that?” 

“Mm. Nope. Still look too hot.” 

Keith laughed and shifted. It was too late by the time Lance realized he was leaning toward him.

“No, no, no, no,  _ Keith!”  _ But Keith already had Lance’s face in his hands, and he promptly attacked Lance with ketchup-smeared kiss all over his cheeks and lips that had Lance spewing protests between defeated laughter. “Ew, I smell like ketchup,” he groaned as Keith kissed the corner of his lips softly. He began to half-clean his face, half kiss him with more kisses and Lance grimaced as he laughed. “Mi vida, that’s not much better.” 

“Hmm, really?” Keith wiped away any residue with his thumb before pressing an insistent kiss to Lance’s lips. “You used your face wash, huh?” 

“Yeah, how’d you know?” 

“Your face smells citrusy.” 

Lance laughed and grabbed a napkin to wipe off the mess on his face and Keith’s. Keith grabbed his hand and pulled it up. The ink from the pen was still smeared on his arm, an indecipherable blue smudge shaped like a cloud. 

“Since when do you write on your arm?”

“Oh. Sasha was giving me the date for the class’ poetry reading, and I had already put my stuff up. So I wrote it down. I guess I didn’t scrub my arm hard enough when I showered.” 

“Are you excited?” 

“For what?” 

Keith frowned. “The poetry reading.” 

“Oh! Yeah! The students worked really hard and I think it’ll be fun giving them a chance to read out loud in a safe space.” Lance smiled as he kept eating and wiggled an eyebrow at Keith. “What about you? Excited for graduation? For your final dance performance?” 

“I’m. Terrified. But yeah, also excited. Ten years ago I didn’t think I’d be going to college.” Keith shrugged. “Life’s funny that way.” 

“And I'm gonna be screaming so loud when they call your name that they'll probably escort me out." Keith laughed and kissed his cheek. "I’m gonna clean off my face and then we can go, yeah?” Keith nodded and watched him go.

Once he washed his face, he moved to his bed to pull on his shoes. Keith went into his room and pointed at the bathroom. “Can I wash mine too?” Lance nodded.

He grabbed his wallet and keys from his desk and quickly rewrote what he’d smudged on his arm on a corner of the journal Keith had given him before shutting it and placing it under the Neruda book and one he’d been reading for Sasha. 

“Lance, can I use your cologne? I forgot to put some on.” 

“Sure,” Lance said. He heard the little cabinet open and an adrenaline surge went through him as he raced to the bathroom, scraping his leg on the bed frame. “Wait!” he yelled, in favor of the curse at the tip of his tongue. Then that one slipped too. “Ay coño! Keith!” 

Keith was frozen at the mirror, staring at Lance in concerned confusion. “Are you okay?” 

“I- Yeah, fine, my leg- don’t use that one!” Keith stared at the cologne bottle in his hand and put it back on the counter. 

“Okay, calm down. I didn’t use it.” 

Lance nodded, but he wasn’t really sure why. He sat down on the seat cover of the toilet and checked his leg, trying to calm his heartbeat. It was a slight scrape, but it made the skin red. He felt his face get hot as he processed his own reaction. 

“Um. You wanna tell me why you panicked about me using a cologne that’s practically full?” Keith asked softly. He knelt down to be leveled with Lance. “Or why you’re mad at yourself right now?” 

Lance huffed and looked at Keith, half hating, half… loving the way Keith picked up on his emotions so well. “I just… don’t use that one except for very… special occasions.” Keith raised an eyebrow. “I don’t wanna start tonight off like this. Panicking over….” Lance sighed and shrugged. “Can we just forget about it for tonight?” 

Keith frowned, and Lance could tell he was thinking up his own explanations. He was smart enough to figure out when something was about Allura. He nodded and smiled. “Okay. So which one do I use?” 

“The one on my desk. I keep it there so I remember to use it before leaving the room.” 

Keith nodded and stood up, kissing his forehead before leaving the bathroom. Lance took a deep breath and grabbed the cologne left on the counter. He put it back in the cabinet and tried not to wonder when, if ever, he’d be okay with using it again. 

He felt a pair of arms wrap around him. Keith’s chin settled on his shoulder. “It’s alright, Lance.” 

He turned to look at Keith, searching for the slight hint of discomfort that usually tainted his gaze when Allura came up. That resigned, but supportive, smile. But he didn’t find either of those. Keith was just looking back at him, trying to figure out if Lance wanted comfort or not. 

Lance kissed him softly and pulled back with a smile. “We should go. I don’t want Alexa trying to kill you.” Keith laughed, scrunching his nose and piercing Lance’s heart with it. Once they were in his car, Lancee asked, “So which one are we going to?” 

“Smiley’s Rally. It’s a little far-”

“The gay bar?” Keith nodded. “I’ve… never been to a gay bar. Shit, should I change?” 

“What, and wear pink, blue, and yellow? No, babe you’re good,” Keith said with a laugh. “It’s like any other bar, but… safer to make out in.” 

“That’s as depressing as it is exciting. Okay! Be my navigator?” Keith nodded and pulled out his phone for directions. 

They got there a few minutes after nine. Keith took his hand and led him inside after they got stamped- Lance with an X and Keith with a smiley face. There was an indoor space with a bar, but there were several people milling around outside too. A band was playing live on the opposite side of the bar. 

“Did you want anything to drink?” 

Lance shook his head. “Not yet.” Keith nodded and led him out another door which led them outside. Picnic tables were scattered around and people sat with snacks and drinks in small plastic cups. There was another band on a small stage by a rock wall with a sign that said  _ Watch out for falling rocks.  _

Lance heard a sharp whistle and turned to see Alexa sitting at a table with a pretty girl beside her. She had short, curly hair and a septum piercing and was wearing bright purple lipstick. They walked over, and Alexa smiled nervously as she introduced them. 

“This is Keith and his boyfriend Lance. He’s the dance captain. Guys, this is Eva.” 

“Nice to meet you,” Lance said with a smile. Keith smiled and sat down. “Hunk and Pidge said they were meeting us here. Have you seen them?” 

“No, but I’m assuming they’re coming with Roland,” she said. “And he said he was on his way already.” Lance nodded. 

It was painfully awkward. That was noticeable almost immediately. Eva seemed shy and when she tried for small talk, she usually just nodded and the responses and didn’t say much else. She held onto Alexa’s arm like she was an anchor, but also kept narrowing her eyes whenever Alexa drank from her cup.

Before Lance could fish for literally anything else to say to fill the silence among a crowd of talking people, Alexa straightened and shouted Roland’s name. Lance looked over his shoulder and saw Roland trailed by Hunk and Pidge as they walked over. 

Lance got up and immediately engulfed Hunk and Pidge into a hug. 

“Hey, stranger,” Pidge said with a smirk. 

“I know, I know, it’s been bad. But the semester’s almost over, and you know what? I say we do a road trip.” 

“Easy, bud,” Hunk said with a laugh. “Let’s get through finals first.” He turned to greet Keith and Alexa before Alexa introduced Eva to everyone. 

Lance noticed Roland looked strange. He seemed tense and uneasy, but…. Lance realized he wasn’t wearing his beanie. His sandy blond hair was just a ruffled, wavy mess and he kept scraping the side of his thumb. 

“Hey, Roland. You good?” 

Roland looked at Lance and smiled tightly. “Yeah. Just. My first time.” 

“To a gay bar?” 

“Um. To a…  _ gay  _ anything.” 

“Well, hey, it’s my first time too! And Hunk’s and Pidge’s.” Roland nodded and ran his hand through his hair. “Let’s go get a drink, yeah?” 

“Sure…” 

Lance let Keith know they’d be back and went back inside with Roland. They stared at the drink menu for a while before Roland finally asked, “What the hell are these drinks?” 

“I’m guessing… they’re specialties for this bar,” Lance said, reading off the ingredients to one called  _ The Valley Girl. _ "Can I send you the money for mine? I can't get it myself." He held up his hand with a grimace. "I sort of forgot they check that here." 

"Sure," Roland said with a slightly amused smile. Lance was pretty sure it was the first time Roland smiled at him. 

Roland ended up getting a rum and Coke, while Lance went ahead and tried the Valley one. It had tequila, so he figured it’d be fine. 

As they headed back out, Lance heard his name and turned to look for the source.

“Lance!” 

“No fucking way,” Lance mumbled. A familiar face made its way through the crowd until he was face to face with Lance. “I- Kinkade? Dude! What are you doing here!” Lance asked in surprise. 

“I could ask you the same thing,” Kinkade said. “Been a while since anyone called me that.” 

“Oh, are you going by Ryan? My bad-”

“No, you’re good. Nice moment of nostalgia,” Kinkade answered. 

Lance felt a tap on his shoulder. Roland gestured to the picnic tables outside. “I’mma head back.” 

“Yeah, could you let them know I’ll be right back?” Roland nodded and left. Lance looked back at Kinkade and laughed. “Dude, I gotta know, what the hell are you doing here?” 

“Well…. Gay bar.” Kinkade gestured to himself. “Bisexual.” 

Lance’s eyes widened. “I’m… you’re… joking.” Kinkade smirked and shook his head. “You… are bisexual…. You’re… into guys.” 

“More so than girls, yeah,” he answered, laughing a little. “Y’know you haven’t changed much.” 

“I- I’m just- I’m sorry, I’m trying to wrap my head around it, man! Dude, every girl wanted to get with you in high school, I just…. Wow.” 

Kinkade laughed more and shrugged. “Well, what about you? Wasn’t expecting to ever bump into you here of all places after graduation. What brings you here?” 

Lance smiled widely and shrugged. “Pansexual. It’s my first time at a gay bar though.”

“Pansexual, huh? Shit. Guess that was a missed opportunity.” 

“What do you mean?” 

Kinkade furrowed his eyebrows and chuckled. “Well… just… I had a thing for you in high school.” Lance froze and squeezed his cup a little tighter. “Did you… really not catch on? Like at all?” 

Lance chugged half of the liquid in the cup, cringing at the bitterness. He coughed and shook his head. “Uh, nope. No. I had no idea.” 

“Lance. Dude, I was a straight-A student. I did not need tutoring. But I figured since you were always tutoring after school….” He shrugged. 

“Dios mio, estas hablando en serio,” Lance mumbled, taking another big gulp of his drink. “Uh. Wow. Yeah. That. Okay.” He laughed nervously and shrugged. “I mean, if it makes you feel better I apparently had a crush on you in high school too, I just… had no idea that’s… what it was.” 

“You don’t say?” 

Lance cringed and nodded. “Yeah. Hunk and Pidge pointed it out a while back, and looking back? Yeah. Yeah, aha. I thought… I don’t know, I thought you didn’t even know who I was unless I was tutoring you.” 

Kinkade frowned and shook his head. “No. I knew who you were. You always sat in the front of the class at least for the ones we had together. You were always hanging out with Hunk and Pidge. You were ridiculously smart that a lot of people knew you by your rank, Number Eight.” Lance laughed anxiously and finished his drink. “I knew who you were. I actually figured I was a nobody to you. Just a school jock.” Lance stared at his drinking, wishing there was more in the damn cup. “Here, as an apology for horrific miscommunications and missed chances, let me get you another drink.” 

“You don’t have to-”

“It’s fine, Lance,” Kinkade said with a laugh. “What do you want?” 

“Anything with tequila,” he said, still reeling. 

Kinkade ordered the drink and then handed it to him, holding another in his hand. “To an unknown requited high school crush.” Lance grimaced and tapped his cup against Kinkade’s before drinking from it. “So who are you here with?” 

“Oh, come out and meet them! I bet Hunk and Pidge would go wild knowing you were here.” He grabbed him by the sleeve and tugged him outside. Kinkade followed, still half laughing at him. “Listen, the last half year or so has been more than a little wild, so don’t laugh at me.” 

“I’m not! I just think this whole thing is really funny.” Lance rolled his eyes and shook his head. “So who-”

“Guys! Look who I found!” Lance said, when he got to the table. 

The way amusement immediately flood Pidge and Hunk’s face was almost comical. Alexa and Keith looked confused, and Eva just watched for Alexa’s reaction, like she was taking cues. 

“Hey, everyone,” Kinkade said with a nervous smile. “Nice to see you two again.”

“And boy, is it nice to see you,” Pidge with a wicked grin. “I’m sure Lance was happy too.” 

Kinkade only tilted his head, the smile remaining on his face. “So are you two together yet, or-?” 

Lance felt the alcohol go through his nose when he snorted. Pidge squinted, turning bright red. “Touche. I’m getting a drink.” 

“You have an X on your hand,” Lance called after her. She winked and turned away to push through the crowd. Lance went around the table, pointing as he introduced. “Anyway. This is Roland. That’s Alexa and her girlfriend Eva.” Lance smiled when he got to Keith, draping his arms around him. “And this is my boyfriend. Keith. This is Kinkade, a friend from highschool.” 

“It’s nice meeting you guys,” he said, nodding his head at the others. “And you two? How long have you been together?” 

“Mm, well officially, barely about to be two months. But the whole exclusive thing has been going on for six, seven months?” Lance looked to Keith for confirmation, but Keith was just smiling one of those smiles that didn’t make his nose scrunch. “Um, yeah, around that much,” Lance said with a grin. No one knew Keith like Lance did. So no one else could notice something was off. 

He caught Roland looking at them from where he sat, and when their eyes met Roland made a point of looking at Kinkade then Keith and raised his eyebrows at Lance. 

_ Oh.  _

“Who did you come with? I didn’t mean to pull you away from them,” Lance said. 

“With some friends, but they’re busy sucking each other’s faces off over on the benches. They won’t miss me too much.” Kinkade grinned and turned to Hunk, asking how he’d been since high school. Hunk being Hunk, he was able to engage easily in conversation with him. 

Lance leaned down towards Keith’s ear. “Is that a hint of jealousy I’m catching?” he whispered. 

Keith huffed and intertwined their hands as he looked up at him. “When you went to get drinks with Roland, I wasn’t expecting you to come back with your high school crush who just happens to look like a supermodel.” 

“Ah,” Lance said, smiling as he noticed Keith’s shoulders relax. “Relax. That was  _ years  _ ago. I don’t have eyes for anyone else but you.” 

Keith rolled his eyes but grinned as Lance kissed his cheek then his neck. He blew a raspberry against his neck, making Keith laugh as he tried to pull away, only to be encased in Lance’s arms. “You’re cheesy,” Keith muttered. 

“Yeah? What of it?” 

Keith’s nose scrunched as he smiled, tilting Lance’s chin toward him for a kiss. 

“Guys, the next band is setting up,” Alexa said. “I plan on being at the front so everyone refill your drinks because if you leave mid-show there’s no getting past the crowd unless you’re Pidge’s height.” 

Keith nudged Lance’s cup. “You gonna want another?” 

“Mm, no. You’re the one who’s legal to drink here. I’ll drive us back, but just water and soda for me after this one.” Keith nodded and kissed his cheek as he left to follow Alexa and Roland to the bar. 

Kinkade bumped into his shoulder lightly. “He’s very nice to look at.” 

Lance laughed. “I’m glad you approve, man.” 

“He won’t mind if I stick around, right?” 

Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “Uh. No, I don’t think so, why?” Kinkade shrugged. Hunk suggested moving toward the front so they could claim the space early enough, and wait for Keith, Roland, Alexa, and Eva there. 

It was easy to move because everyone had dispersed after the last band left. Lance leaned against the stage, finishing off the rest of his drink. “So are you going to college?” he asked Kinkade. 

“Mhm. For film and photography. I was just showing Hunk some of the pictures.” 

Before Lance could respond he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned and saw one of the guys on stage with a thick wire looped in his arms. “Careful leaning on the stage like that. We gotta pass the wires through here.” 

“Oh! Sorry,” Lance said, stepping away. 

The guy smiled and shrugged. “It’s cool. Just don’t let that dude see you doing it.” He pointed to the other side of the stage where another guy, slightly shorter with a goatee and thick square glasses was waving his hands around. “He’s pretty anal about it.” 

“Is that the lead singer or something?” 

“No,” he answered. “I am.” He flashed a cheeky smile and Lance nodded. “He’s my brother though and he’s very careful about the equipment.” 

“Oh. Gotcha. So… why are you in all white?” Lance asked, noting the white sweats, white tee, white sneakers, and even white socks. 

“Artistic choice. Everyone’s in white.” He stood up from his crouch and untied the  _ white  _ sweatshirt tied around his waist. “This is some of our merch. Has our logo on the back. It’s probably your size.” He held out and grinned. “You want it?” 

“Oh, how much-”

“On me.” 

Lance smiled and reached out to take it as Hunk said, “Lance,  _ dude.”  _

“Lance, huh?” the singer said. “I’m Connor.” 

Before Lance could respond, he felt a hand settle on his waist as Keith's body heat pressed close behind him. “Shouldn’t you be setting up for your performance?” Keith asked, his voice sharp. Lance looked at him and saw him glaring at Connor, one eyebrow raised. 

Connor let out a short, unamused laugh and looked at Lance one more time before getting up and returning to the set. 

“Wait, why’d you-”

“You’re such a newbie,” Kinkade said with an amused smile. 

“Lance. He was  _ flirting  _ with you,” Pidge pointed out. “You took his freaking sweater.” 

Lance looked at the sweater in his hands. “I thought he was just being nice.” 

“Dude, you used to flirt all the time, how did you not realize what was happening?” Hunk asked.

Keith handed him a cup of soda and took a drink from his own. “Lance isn’t used to guys flirting with him. I had to practically crawl into his lap for him to realize I wanted him to kiss me when we first met.” 

“I-  _ Keith!”  _

Keith laughed and kissed his cheek. “It’s true! You realize guys flirt with you… like all the time, right?” Lance narrowed his eyebrows. “Oh, pretty boy.”

“We’re also… at a gay bar, man. People are gonna flirt,” Alexa said, laughing into her cup. Eva was next to her, the only one who didn’t seem amused at the whole thing. “If you can get girls lined up for you, you bet your ass you can have a trail of guys on you.” 

Lance still wasn’t convinced. He was pretty sure he would know if a guy flirted with him, because he knew what flirting looked like. But then again, Keith had a point; Keith had practically been begging for Lance to kiss him, to do  _ more  _ than that, and it took Keith spelling it out for Lance to realize he was allowed to go for it. But did that mean every nice little thing a guy did was flirting? Did he ever accidentally flirt with other guys? Surely Keith would have pointed that out thought. 

“Congrats, you broke your boyfriend,” Roland said. He chugged half of the drink in his hand. “I’ll be back, I’m getting another.” 

“You have half in the cup still,” Alexa pointed out. 

“It’ll be finished by the time I get through the line at the bar.” He grinned and walked away, running his hand through his hair. 

“Roland they’re double shots, slow down!” Alexa called behind him. He gave a thumbs up. 

Lance turned to Keith who was drinking calmly from his cup. “I’m sorry,” he said. 

Keith frowned. “For what? Being unfairly attractive? Trust me you don’t need to apologize for that.” He leaned in closer so only Lance could hear him over the faint beat of the music playing inside and all the voices speaking over each other outside. “Besides, I’m the one going home with you tonight.” Lance felt heat creep up his neck. “And as much as these guys might be undressing you with their eyes, I’m the only one here who knows what’s under these clothes.” He punctuated his words with a soft bite against his earlobe that nearly knocked Lance’s legs out from under him. 

He gulped and shifted nervously. “Um. You… could you…?” He grabbed Keith by the shoulders and placed him in front of himself. Keith turned to say something, but Lance shook his head. “Ah-ah. Not. Another. Word.” 

Keith laughed and raised his drink to his lips. The band finished setting up and Connor went to the mic to say hello. The crowd cheered and soon, a soothing beat that had everyone moving along to it permeated the air. Lance couldn’t make out a single word, but that was perfectly fine because all he needed was the beat that resonated through the ground into his body, Keith’s warmth in front of him, and the smiling faces of his friends around him. 

It was a relatively long set of songs, and everyone went to get another drink at least once. Roland seemed much less stressed, and Lance was pretty sure it was due to the fact that he seemed to be on his fourth drink within the hour. Alexa seemed to be able to hold her liquor, only getting a little louder with each one. Her presence became brighter, more pronounced, and Lance noticed that Eva’s seemed to diminish at the same rate. Even when the slight hum of the two drinks he had wore away and he was sober, he kept forgetting she was there. Hunk and Pidge were barely tipsy, taking their drinking much slower than the others. Kinkade was still with them, laughing and smiling and cheering after each song. 

Keith seemed to be able to hold his liquor pretty well too. 

He was also on his fourth drink. His breath smelled like vodka, the syrups in the drink making his kisses sticky against Lance’s throat and his cheek. Once the set was over, everyone who was still drinking went to get another drink, and those who remained claimed a table to sit at.

“Am I the only one picking up on the weird vibe Eva’s got?” Hunk said. “I know we’re not close to Alexa like Roland and Keith, but she’s… I dunno.” 

Lance grimaced. “Mm. Yeah. I noticed it too. I think it’s got something to do with Alexa’s drinking.” And frankly, if Hunk didn’t like someone, it was more than enough reason to doubt a person. Not only was Hunk an excellent judge of character, it was also hard for strangers to rub him the wrong way. 

“Is this the first you guys meet her?” Kinkade asked. The three of them nodded. “Mm. Roland said something about the two already having problems.” 

“Everyone stop talking they’re coming back,” Pidge with a strained smile. 

Sure enough, when they were all seated with their drinks, Eva seemed visibly more annoyed as she looked at Alexa’s. But Alexa didn’t seem to care, instead making it a bigger point when she drank from her cup. 

“It’s just so stupid,” Roland said, continuing whatever conversation they’d been having. “Like… who fucking cares who kisses who. What the fuck does it matter? Why can’t people just fucking be happy?” Lance raised an eyebrow and looked at Keith for an explanation. 

“Wanna clue us in on the context here, Rolo?” Hunk asked. 

“It’s my shitty father, that’s what,” Roland said. “Gets all fucking panicked and roid-rages just because I….” Roland snarled and put both his hands in his hair, groaning. 

“Say it,” Alexa said. “Go ahead, Ro, say it. It’s safe here.” 

Lance looked at Roland who seemed to struggle with speaking all of a sudden. He took a gulp of whatever drink he’d ordered this time and took a deep breath. 

“Because I like kissing guys, goddammit!” 

“Hell yeah you do,” Pidge said with a smirk. “And you’re right. Who fucking cares?” 

“Louder for the people on the other side of the bar, Ro,” Alexa prodded. Lance thought she was joking, but she looked dead serious. And maybe those drinks were getting to her because then she stood up on the bench and lifted her arms. “I’m a lesbian, bitch. What about you?” 

Keith smiled and whooped. He turned to Roland and tilted his head. “Well, Rolo? Wanna let the world know?” 

Roland looked close to tears. Lance thought he’d burst into sobs right then and there. Instead and looked up at Alexa and stood up on the bench too. “I’m… I’m gay,” he said. 

Hunk and Pidge clapped and Alexa nodded excitedly. “Say it again!” 

Lance caught Kinkade’s amused expression along with some of the people around them. A few were laughing, a few just seemed amused. But it didn’t seem malicious and the music that began playing over the speakers drowned out most conversations. 

“I’m gay!” Roland shouted.

“Louder!” Alexa shouted. 

As Roland said it again and again, he was met with the support and applause of the table until he was able to sit back down, laughing uncontrollably. Hunk squeezed his shoulder and Lance gave him a high five. 

“So… gay, right?” Kinkade joked. 

Roland couldn’t stop smiling. “I’ve never said it out loud before.” He stretched his arms up and sighed. “God, it feels good.” 

“I say we celebrate the claiming of sexuality by dancing. Come on, babes.” Alexa grinned and pulled Eva with her before yanking Roland up too. The rest of them followed, snaking their way through the crowd as they parted the way. 

Inside, the music was much louder. It was darker and hotter, and everyone was doing that little swaying movement people did at clubs. The one Lance had mastered pretty well. He felt Keith’s arms wrap around his torso, his breath hot against the nape of his neck. 

“Wanna dance?” 

“You know I can’t,” Lance yelled back. 

Keith rolled his eyes. “I saw the way your hips moved with that one song during Easter. You’re not fooling me.” He kissed Lance’s cheek and pressed up close behind him. “I’ll help you.” 

Lance grinned as Keith used his hands and his hip to move Lance’s body. He let Keith maneuver his body as he pleased, enjoying the closeness, the way his lips skimmed his throat, the smell of vodka on his breath, the sweat mixed with his own cologne coming from Keith, somehow making it better. Pidge was jumping up and down, screaming along with the lyrics of the song as Hunk nodded along and swayed like everyone else. Alexa and Roland were dancing in their own playful and extravagant way, practically claiming the floor as they improvised. Eva finally seemed a little more content as Alexa spun her around. Kinkade seemed content simply watching the scene unfold. 

While they moved to the rhythm and the melody and the lyrics, Keith moved to the beat of the bass, making his movements more sensual. Having him so close in such a public space made Lance a little lightheaded and flustered.

He thought about what he’d said earlier. The way guys constantly flirted with him because he was attractive. Lance hadn’t realized it, but who was Keith to talk? Every time they went out anywhere, guys and girls would look back at him, whispering to whoever they were with. He’d made a cashier blush once just by smiling. And Lance had seen the way the public reacted when he danced. 

Keith was alluring, beautiful, untouchable. And somehow his hands were on Lance. His lips were on his skin. How many people in that space wished they were Lance at the moment? How many of them wished Keith would look in their direction while he was too busy looking at Lance? 

But Lance’s favorite thing was probably the fact that while they saw this dressed up, elegant version of Keith- the version of him which was designed for making people look twice- Lance knew the other versions of him. The small, puffy eyed version of him when he wakes up and his hair is a mess. The tired version with his hair in a little palm tree to keep it out of his eyes as he studies. The version of him in sweats and baggy shirts because he wants to stay in. The versions of him that stay behind closed doors. 

Those versions were all Lance’s to see. To know like the back of his hand. 

He turned to face Keith only to be surprised by the expression on his face. Soft and dark at the same time, sultry in a way that made Lance wonder for a split second if they should go home. And then he felt his hand at the nape of his neck and felt his lips crashing against his own, their feet stumbling to the closest wall. Lance didn’t even feel the thud, he was too wrapped up in Keith. 

The logical, sober part of his brain was screaming, telling him that the level of PDA was inappropriate for such a crowded space, that this was something private for them. The other part of him, the part that was dizzy on the taste of vodka and sweet syrups on Keith’s lips and the smell of his shirt and the heat of his body as he encased Lance… that part didn’t care. That part wanted everyone around them to know; Keith was there with Lance and Lance was there with Keith and no matter who else made eyes at them, they were together, and they were happy, and they…. They were allowed to show that off here. 

That part of him won, and Lance simply threaded his fingers through Keith’s hair and pulled him in closer, returning the kiss with vigor as the music pounded around them. 

“Thought we were dancing,” Lance breathed when Keith’s lips fell to just under his jaw. 

“I like this better. Don’t you?” 

Lance laughed as Keith grazed his teeth along his throat. “Are you a horny drunk, mi vida?” 

“Are you complaining?” 

He punctuated the question with a bite that made Lance have to take a sharp breath. He put his hands on Keith’s shoulders and cupped his face with one hand. “Not at all. But I’d rather indulge you at home.” 

“Then let’s get the hell out of here,” he answered, tugging on Lance’s belt loops to make a point. “Like, now. Those were all double shots and pretty soon my inhibitions are gonna fly out the fucking window.” 

Lance chuckled despite the way his cheeks turned red. “Whatever you say, mi principe.” Keith smirked, victorious, but his nose scrunched too which meant he was flustered by the nickname. And Lance loved seeing that expression on his face. 

He pulled Lance by his shirt before taking his hand and going back to the friend group. They were all still dancing and singing along to a live cover band, laughing as they drank what was left of their drinks. Kinkade went up to them, the leftovers of a laugh still on his face. 

“Something tells me you two are itching to get out of here,” he shouted over the music. 

Keith only grinned, but Lance felt the way his body pressed up insistently behind him, and- yes, a horny drunk indeed. “Hmm, what gave it away, the clingy boyfriend?” Lance asked. Keith responded by squeezing his sides, urging him to hurry. “Anyway, we should catch up soon, you should join us for a movie night! Or graduation parties-”

“ _ Lance.”  _

“I’ll keep in touch,” Kinkade said. “I’ll let them know you guys left.” 

“Thank you!” Lance nudged Keith toward the entrance and waved back. He grabbed his wandering hands and shook his head as he led him to the car. “Ay mi vida, serás mi ruina.” 

“I only understood half of that,” Keith said, letting Lance put him in the passenger seat. He looked up at Lance between the fringe of his hair and smirked. “Was it dirty talk?”

“No,” Lance said with a smile. He kissed his forehead and tapped his chest. “Seatbelt.” 

He shut the door and went around to get into the driver’s seat. Keith’s hand immediately settled on the back of his neck, rubbing back and forth in a soft massage kind of way. It would be a while to get back, and Lance wondered if Keith would manage to keep himself together that long. 

That question was answered the second he managed to get on the road. Keith’s hand slipped under his shirt and ran across his shoulders, the touch light and cold and very distracting. But Lance could handle that much. 

Suddenly Keith started laughing. It began soft, little chuckles before it grew and became full-hearted laughter. 

“What’s so funny?” Lance asked. 

“That you couldn’t tell that singer was flirting with you.” Lance groaned and shifted slightly as Keith’s hand trailed over his arm. “He was practically eating you up with his eyes. Couldn’t you tell? Couldn’t you see the hunger in his eyes? In the way he smiled at you?” 

Lance cleared his throat as Keith’s hand rested on his thigh. “N-no. I couldn’t tell.” 

“Mm. No you couldn’t. ‘Cause you didn’t want him.” Keith laughed again. His hand grazed the inside of his thigh, and Lance gulped, his hand tightening on the steering wheel. “You don’t want anyone else but me touching you, do you?” 

Lance felt a wave of heat wash over him as he got on the highway. Keith leaned toward him, kissing the side of his face gently until he got to his neck. He bit gently while his hand kept teasing the inseam of his jeans. 

“Keith, baby, I gotta watch the road,” Lance said with a strained voice. 

“So watch the road. I’ll take care of things here,” Keith whispered. He felt Keith undo his zipper before rubbing his hand down, causing Lance to gasp and jump slightly. Keith kissed his cheek and whispered with vodka-ridden breath, “Is this okay?” 

Lance stared at the stretch of highway and checked the GPS on his phone. He wouldn’t have to exit for a while, and it was another twenty minutes to get home. “Yeah, yeah it’s good.” 

Keith hummed and had Lance shift so he could get his jeans and boxers low enough. The anticipation had Lance as hard as he’d ever been. Keith simply bit his earlobe and murmured, “Eyes on the road, darlin’.” 

“Uh-huh.” 

Keith pulled his hair up, and Lance tore his eyes from the road momentarily to watch, but Keith smirked and turned his head back to the road. “Ah-ah. No distractions.” 

“That’s rich coming from someone who’s about to-  _ puta madre!”  _ It took everything in Lance not to speed up or brake. “Okay, okay, okay, okay.” He could feel Keith laughing which wasn’t even fucking fair. 

Lance clenched his jaw and willed himself to focus on maintaining his speed and not shutting his eyes. He jutted his hips up a fraction, and Keith pulled away. “No moving,” he chastised.

"It's a reaction," Lance mumbled. Keith simply grunted and went back down. Lance placed a hand on the back of his neck, his fingers pressing harder when Keith sunk low enough to have Lance hit the back of his throat. 

Lance let out a low, shaky breath, his knuckles turning white against the steering wheel. The car surged forward a little faster as he unconsciously pressed the pedal a bit more. He scratched gently against Keith’s neck and felt him moan around him. Keith started moving faster which just made Lance’s vision go a little blurry. 

He wasn’t sure if it was because of the risk of driving or the risk of anyone driving by and seeing the unmistakable expression on his face or if it was just Keith being that good, but Lance had to pull over and park with the hazard lights on. 

He felt Keith begin to pull away, but Lance moaned out a protest, “I pulled over, okay just- fuck, I’m really close, Ke-  _ ha-ah fuck.” _

With the car parked, Lance let himself shut his eyes and pressed himself harshly against the seat, letting the heat creep up his spine until he felt his skin burst with fireworks. 

When Keith lifted his head, he used the back of his hand to wipe his mouth, a cocky, insufferable smirk on his face. Lance decided to wipe the smug look off his face with a kiss, insistent and desperate. 

Keith pulled away and whispered into Lance’s ear. “Take me home, pretty boy.” 

And really, who was Lance to deny such a delicious demand? 

He fixed his jeans and started driving once he had a grip on himself. Keith had leaned over, resting his head on his shoulder as they drove. About ten minutes later they made it home and Lance parked, expecting Keith to practically drag him out of the car. 

Except Keith wasn’t moving. 

“Keith?” Lance turned his head slightly only to find Keith fast asleep. “Oh, principe,” he said with a soft chuckle. He leaned him back over to the passenger side gently and got out. He was careful about opening the door for Keith before unbuckling him in a way that wouldn’t disturb him too much. 

He placed an arm under his knees, and while it wasn’t exactly easy, it wasn’t too hard getting Keith into his arms bridal style. He shut the door with his foot and barely made it to the sidewalk before Keith was squirming and groaning in his arms. 

“Mm, no, no, no.” 

“What is it, mi vida?” 

Keith twisted until he had his feet on the ground. “Not like that.” Lance raised an eyebrow and chuckled to himself as Keith clambered onto him, his arms wrapped around his neck and his legs sloppily locked around his waist. “This. Wanna hold you too.” 

Lance couldn’t help but laugh despite the little jump his heart made at that. “Alright then,” he answered. He supported Keith’s weight and lifted him to properly hold onto him as he walked. The staircase was a bit rough, but Lance managed. By the time he was unlocking his door, Keith was snoring lightly in his ear, his hold a little looser. 

Lance took him inside and into his bedroom, shoving the sheets aside before laying him down. His hair was ruffled and his cheeks were pink and he looked so precious that Lance sort of lost his train of thought with the image of him resting on the bed. He kissed his cheek before going to his closet to change and find something for Keith to sleep in.

When he got back, he gently undressed him, doing his best not to wake him. He was successful until it was time to help him put the other clothes on. 

Keith briefly woke up while Lance was putting his shirt on him. “What’re you doing?” 

“Putting you to bed, baby. It’s okay, just go to sleep.”

“But-” 

“It’s okay. You’re tired.” 

Keith grunted. Lance pulled the covers over him, but before he could pull away, Keith grabbed him and pulled him lower. “Stay.” 

“I am.” He mumbled something that Lance couldn’t quite catch. “What was that, koala?” 

A sleepy smile spread on his face. “I said I gotta tell you something. But you gotta promise you won’t freak out.” Lance’s smile faded as Keith opened his eyes. He opened his mouth again-

But Lance immediately covered his mouth, making Keith’s eyebrows furrow. “Nope. You’re not doing this while you’re drunk.” 

Keith’s eyebrows narrowed. He shoved Lance’s hand away. “But-”

Lance covered his mouth again. He balled up the shirt he’d removed and stuffed it into Keith’s mouth. “Don’t. You’re not allowed to talk for the rest of the night.” Keith grumbled through the fabric. “Go to sleep. I’m right here.” He crawled onto the bed and settled in beside him. “Wanna be the little spoon?” Keith nodded and curled up against Lance’s chest, eventually taking the shirt out of his mouth and holding it like a security blanket. 

He fell asleep promptly after that, and Lance simply laid there, running his hands through his hair, letting the moonlight bear witness to his midnight mini-crisis. 

Crisis was a heavy word for it.

Lance had realized that for some time now, what he and Keith shared had traversed the first stage. Those stepping stones had been skipped a long time ago. He wasn’t exactly sure when. But that wasn’t important. What was important was that those stepping stones had been safety nets and now.... 

Lance kept waiting on panic or guilt to set in. Nothing had been said, but he knew. Keith knew. It was there, unsaid but very tangible. In every caress. In every breath. In the shadows the moonlight casted. In between the ink-filled pages in his notebook. In every beat of his heart and the space between those beats. 

And it wasn’t terrifying. It didn’t feel too fast, it didn’t feel unfair. It didn’t feel like an echo. The panic never set in. It was just… peace and comfort. It made sense. 

Whenever it happened, it had happened in the way the seasons came and went. Somewhere between winter and spring, in those middle days when cold winds battled with the rays of sunlight, what they had became concrete and stronger. Like spring, it came around naturally, slowly pushing those cold days away for days filled with flowers and sunlight and breezes and rejuvenating rain. As suddenly as it had become spring. As slowly as spring was morphing into summer. 

Lance fell asleep before he could even think about what to do next. 

When he woke up, Keith was gone. The clothes he’d slept in were folded neatly on the desk. He checked his phone and saw a text from Keith. 

_ Hey pretty boy. I got doughnuts in case you’re hungry when you wake up- on your counter. Come see me on my lunch hour? Te quiero  _

Sure enough, there was a box of doughnuts on his counter, one jelly filled and two chocolate covered with peanuts. The rest were glazed and sugar. Lance ate a few while he scribbled in his journal, letting his thoughts ramble before going back and rewording, drawing arrows, scratching words out, making lists of synonyms. The page was a horrific mess until he rewrote what he had on a separate page and began the process over again. 

He got a call around noon from Hunk. 

“Hey, we’re having a hangover breakfast, want to join us?” 

Lance agreed and headed over. He had a few hours before Keith got his lunch break, and Hunk’s place was a little closer to him anyway. 

When he got there, Pidge was playing a video game on the couch, the smell of breakfast sausage and potatoes filled the air, and Alexa and Roland were laying down on each couch. 

“Hey guys, how’s the hangover?” 

“Stop screaming,” Roland muttered. Lance realized he had a trash bin beside him. “They do something to those drinks, man.” 

“I just need my stomach to settle and I’ll be good,” Alexa said. She didn’t seem as messed up as Roland, but there was still something off about her. 

“Sorry we left so suddenly. I hope it didn’t make a bad impression on Eva,” Lance said with a slight wince. Alexa had invited them after all, and they hadn’t even had the decency to let her know they were leaving. 

But Alexa shrugged and waved a hand. “It’s cool.” 

“Ryan said you guys had some emergency, was everything okay?” Roland asked though his words were muffled by the pillow. 

It was a bit of a disconnect hearing Kinkade referred to by his first name, but he was just glad Kinkade hadn’t thrown them under the bus. “Yeah, Keith was just really tired. He has a double shift today.” Lance sat beside Pidge and started mindlessly braiding her hair as she muttered curses at the screen. “You ready for the final dance performance, Alexa? You graduate this year, right?” 

“No, I’m a sophomore. I’ve got two years left.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows. Alexa rolled her eyes. “What?” 

“But you’re…. Aren’t you a year older than Keith?”

Alexa shrugged. “I didn’t go to college right out of high school, dude. It happens.” 

“Oh, no, no, no, I know! My sister is a sophomore too, she started after me for reasons, so I get that, I just assumed-”

“Can both of you speak quieter,” Roland groaned. “God, why did you let me drink so much?” 

“You said you could handle it,” Pidge answered. “We said, ‘Roland you should stop,’ and you said, ‘Nah I got this.’ So yeah, this is called a consequence.” 

“I hate you.” 

Lance laughed. “How long did you guys stay?” 

“We got back around three in the morning,” Hunk said, bringing a plate for Alexa and Roland. “How hungry are you?” he asked Hunk. 

“Not very, I ate like four doughnuts earlier. And I’m getting lunch with Keith. I’ll take a biscuit though!” Hunk nodded and returned with a plate for himself and Pidge before handing Lance a biscuit. “So did Eva have fun?” Lance asked Alexa. 

Alexa looked at him and frowned. “I don’t wanna talk about her right now.” 

That left the group with an awkward silence. Hunk and Pidge didn’t know Alexa too well, and Lance only ever saw her when he was with Keith. He had no idea how to respond. 

Thankfully, Roland did it for them. “I don’t get why you don’t just break up with her, Lex. It’s always this up and down with her for you.” 

“I  _ said  _ I don’t wanna talk about it.” 

The tension settled again, and Lance couldn’t help but look at his best friends. Once the silence became too much for him, he said the first thing that came to mind for a topic change. “So I started writing poetry again.” 

He felt Pidge punch his arm and Hunk dropped his silverware on his plate with a clatter that made Roland drop onto the couch again. 

“Are you serious?” Pidge asked. “Wait, when? Why? What’d you write? Can we read anything?” 

“Okay, slow down,” he said, already regretting saying anything. “The first few were… rough. Very rough. Just a bunch of lines that didn’t get anywhere. Sometimes it’s about Allura, sometimes it’s about writing, and sometimes it’s about Keith. But you can’t tell him! I don’t want him to know until I can show him something good, so all of you need to keep your mouths shut.” 

“I didn’t know you write,” Alexa said, raising an eyebrow. “What do you write? Like stories or essays? Or poems?” 

“Poems,” he answered. 

“Maybe we could collab one day. I’m an art major, so it’d be cool to add a visual element to the writing,” she said with a shrug. 

“That… would actually be really cool. I’ve been wanting to do this manuscript, and I don’t know what it would be about now, but art could definitely be part of it!” Alexa finally cracked a bit of a smile. 

Roland tore off another piece of sausage and ate it slowly before asking, “So why can’t Keith know? Doesn’t he know you write?” 

“I haven’t written in a long time. So he knows I used to and he knows I’ve been debating trying again. He just doesn’t know that I started again.” Then, because it was a consequence of opening his mouth, Lance ended up having to explain why he stopped writing and why it was so hard to try again. He kept it brief, trying not to spend too much time on specifics. Then he managed to turn the conversation to Alexa and her art. 

While the topic of poetry didn’t come up again, he was aware of the way Pidge began to cling to him. A silent way for her to tell him she loved him, was proud of him. Meanwhile Hunk just gave him the biggest smile any time no one was looking because they were too invested in the latest round of Smash Bros. 

Keith’s lunch time was coming up, so Lance stood up to leave. At the door, Hunk stopped him before he could walk off. 

“Hey. How do you feel? Getting back to writing.” 

Lance bit his lip and looked down. “Good. I missed it a lot. And sometimes I wonder if I just suck because it’s been so long, but…. I don’t know. I look at a fucking tree and I’ve got a line in my head about it. That hasn’t happened in such a long time. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys. I really wanted it to be a surprise.” 

“I mean it was,” Hunk answered. “And it’ll be even better when we get to read or hear something new. But don’t worry, we won’t say anything.” Lance smiled back, but before he could say goodbye, Hunk wrapped him up in a hug that literally pulled his feet from the ground. 

“Whoa! Okay,” Lance said with a laugh. “Hunk? Buddy, are you crying?” 

“Shut up. They’re happy tears. I like seeing you happy.” 

Lance chuckled and hugged him back. Hunk and Pidge had really stayed with him through the best and the worst. And without them, he wasn’t sure where he would be. But that was a line of thought he didn’t want to think about because he did have them and he loved them both. 

“Thanks, Hunk,” he said softly. Hunk let him go and grinned. “I should go. Keith’s break will start soon. You’re helping me study this week, right?” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he answered. “Drive safe!”

Lance left with a two-fingered salute before getting in his car and heading to the bookstore. 

He walked into the bookstore as Keith was finishing up a sale, and when Keith looked up, a cute little nose-scrunching smile spread on his face. Lance walked over and kissed him over the counter. 

“You don’t look nearly as bad as Roland and Alexa did today.” 

Keith laughed. “My hangovers are just headaches that go away with aspirin. Did you go to Hunk’s? Are you hungry?” 

“I’m always hungry. What are you craving?” 

Keith clocked out and went around the counter to take his hand. “Mm. Let’s see what’s close by.” They walked to the outlet to find a place, and Lance couldn’t help but steal a couple glances at him. 

_ He nearly told me. I wonder if he thinks it to himself.  _

“I’ve never been here. Says it’s Korean,” Keith said, pulling him out of his thoughts. “Wanna try?” Lance nodded and followed him in. They ordered before sitting down and Keith smiled sheepishly before looking at Lance. “You’re quiet. You okay?” 

“Yeah! I am, I swear,” he said. Keith furrowed his eyebrows, but Lance changed the topic. “Actually, I think something’s up with Alexa. She doesn’t seem too happy with Eva and today Roland even told her to just break up with her.” He shrugged as their food was placed in front of them. “I don’t know, I kind of worry about her. She’s really closed off, so I don’t want to impose, but….” 

“I didn’t like Eva much. It felt like she was judging us half the time, especially Roland. I’ll keep an eye on Alexa though.” Keith started eating and raised an eyebrow. “What else did you do at Hunk’s?” 

Lance filled him in on their mini Smash Bros tournament and then asked about Keith’s final performance. Their lunch was full of small talk, which wasn’t out of the ordinary when it came to Keith’s lunch time, but… something felt strange about it. 

When they walked back to Keith’s job, he took Lance’s hands and sighed. “Are you sure everything’s okay?” 

Lance frowned. “Yes. Are you?” 

Keith shrugged. “I keep expecting you to bring up last night.” 

“What, you think I’m upset because you fell asleep when we got to my apartment?” Lance laughed and kissed the tip of his nose. “It’s okay, Keith. You didn’t owe me anything.” 

“No, not….” Keith tilted his head and searched Lance’s eyes.

After a while, Lance realized what he meant. “Oh.” Keith nodded, letting out a nervous chuckle once Lance caught up. “Well... I just figured you’d forgotten. You were drunk.” 

“I was drunk. But I don’t forget things,” Keith answered. “I have to clock in soon, but… is it something we should talk about?” 

Lance gulped, unsure of what “talking about it” entailed because then things got technical and he had expected Keith to have forgotten, so it didn’t matter, but he hadn’t; he’d remembered, which meant he was thinking about it-

“Or… we don’t talk about it. If you don’t want to. That’s okay too,” Keith assured. 

“No! I don’t mean- I just…. Wait.” He rubbed his face and looked at Keith nervously. He didn’t want to say it like that. Now, rushed, between confused misunderstandings. But he didn’t want to have a conversation about it either. Everything was convoluted and he couldn’t explain that without making it seem like he wasn’t ready to hear it or say it. Then again he kept referring to it as  _ it.  _

Keith kissed him softly and pulled away with a small smile. “Think about it. I’ll head over to your place after I pick Kosmo up. Then whatever we talk or don’t talk about is up to you. Okay?” He tilted his head as Lance nodded slowly. 

He walked back to the entrance of the store, but before he could open the door, Lance called his name. When Keith turned to look at him, Lance asked, “Do  _ you  _ want to talk about it?” 

Keith grinned and chuckled. “I’m ready when you are, pretty boy,” he said. “I’ll see you later.” He went inside, leaving Lance to lean against the car and process. 

Lance went back home and sat on the couch for a while, trying to figure out what he was supposed to do when Keith got back. The last time he’d said… that particular phrase with that particular context… he’d been kneeling over a grave. He’d written it into poems filled with grief and longing. It felt strange knowing there was someone he could say it to again. 

Not wrong. Lance was pretty sure he wouldn’t have a breakdown if he said it because… well this was where he’d been heading the whole time. He’d told Mami that if he was ever going to love someone again, it had to be Keith. Besides, hadn’t he been saying it without saying it for a long time now? 

Lance stood up and went to his room, grabbing his journal and flipping through it as he went to sit back down on the couch. 

Those words were hidden beneath each poem, however messy. In the words and metaphors that surrounded them. In the memories of first dates and confessions. Lance had allowed a little bit of love to seep through when he trusted Keith with Allura’s memory. And a little more when he searched him out at his weakest moments. Movie nights and sleepy laughter and soft touches- those words were ingrained in all of those actions, weren’t they? Setting up for the moment when he could say it aloud. 

Lance bit his lip for a moment before grabbing a pen from a drawer in the kitchen and sitting down to free his thoughts. He hadn’t realized how long he’d been rewriting previous poems and creating the first drafts of new ones until he heard a knock on the door followed by excited barking. Lance shut the journal and hurried back to his room to stuff it under his books before heading back to the door. 

He let them in and was greeted with a soft kiss as Keith came inside. “Hi,” he breathed out when Keith pulled away. 

“Hey.” 

“How was the rest of your shift?” 

Keith sighed and kicked off his shoes. “Hmm. Long. There was one customer who was just….” Keth rolled his eyes and waved a hand dismissively. “Is it so hard to just be a decent person? My manager took care of it though.” He went into the kitchen and got a glass of water. “What about you? What’d you do?” 

Lance shrugged and gestured to the couch. “Just watched some TV and scrolled through my phone. Laith kept me company.” He scratched the back of his head nervously. 

Keith tilted his head, eyebrows furrowed, and reached out for his hand. “Is that a bruise?” Keith turned his hand to the side where pen ink had smudged in a way that looked like an injury. “Oh that’s pen. What were you doing?” 

Lance pulled his hand away and went to the sink to wash it off. “Weekly poems. I had to give some responses and I did them by hand this time.” 

“Lance?” 

He hummed in response. Then he felt Keith pull him away from the sink, drying his hands for him with a hand towel before taking his hands in his own. 

“I told you not to freak out,” Keith whispered. 

“I’m not,” Lance answered. Keith gave him a disbelieving look. “I’m not!” 

“It’s okay if you don’t wanna say it. Or if you don’t want me to.”

“No, that’s not… that’s not it.” Lance sighed and pulled him to the couch. “Look, I… I didn’t want you to say it last night because you were drunk.” Keith nodded in understanding. “Now… I just don’t want to talk it out like a business deal. Saying that is supposed to be a big thing for a special occasion, this huge announcement-”

“It could also be something simple and natural,” Keith interrupted. “It doesn’t have to be huge. Especially if it’s just… true.” His fingers were tracing circles on the back of Lance’s hand, his eyes carefully scanning Lance’s face. 

“True. But talking about it… wouldn’t be either. It’s not… romantic.” 

Keith hummed, and when Lance looked at him, he was smiling. “I think it is,” he said. “Because if you think about it… all our big milestones have been us talking things out. And no one’s ever taken the time to sit with me to figure things out. So I think this fits. It makes sense for us. Besides since when do we do things the conventional way?” 

Lance found himself smiling back as he thought it over. It was their M.O. to talk through things like this. Talking had always been a vital part of the development of their relationship. “You just made talking about this sound romantic. How?” 

Keith laughed and kissed his cheek. “What can I say? I’m a hopeless romantic and your cheesiness was bound to rub off on me.” Lance pushed him playfully and stuck his tongue out at him. “So? We’ve both been dancing around saying it…. Now what?” 

They were well aware of what the other felt. They hadn’t said the damn words, but at the same time, that was all they’d been saying all day. Lance shifted and took Keith’s hands in his own. “Okay. Here’s what we’ll do. We’ll say it at the same time. On the count of three. Yeah?” Keith tried to suppress a smile. “No saying it earlier! You have to wait until after I say three.” 

“Alright, alright! I promise,” he said before kissing Lance softly. “After three.” 

Lance nodded and took a deep breath. “Okay. One… two… three- I love you.” 

Keith’s smile rivaled the Cheshire Cat’s. He hadn’t said anything, leaving Lance’s words dangling in the air. 

“Wh- you didn’t say anything. Why didn’t you say anything?” Lance asked in confusion. 

“I wanted to hear you say it first,” Keith answered with a cheeky grin. “And I wanted to be sure you heard me when I said it.” He put a hand to Lance’s cheek, caressing him gently with his thumb in a way that made Lance shiver. Then, in a soft, adoring voice, he whispered, “Te amo.” 

Lance’s eyes went wide and he was positive that his heart had stopped beating. “Did you just-?” Keith raised his eyebrows and waited for Lance to find his words. Instead of finding them, Lance surged forward and kissed Keith with enough force to knock him backwards on the couch and startle Kosmo, but it didn’t matter. He pulled away briefly to mutter, “Why'd you have to one-up me?” Then he leaned back down to kiss him again, stifling his response. Then he pulled away again. “When’d you even learn to say that in Spanish?” 

“Mm, s’general knowledge at some point- _ oomph!” _ Lance cut him off with another kiss. Keith laughed against his lips and fell into the kiss, cradling Lance's head. "Could you say it again?" he whispered against his lips. 

Lance hummed and kissed his forehead, his cheeks, his nose, and again his lips. “I love you. So, so much.” Keith let out a happy little hum as he smiled. “I’ll say it as many times as you want me to. In English, in Spanish. It’ll be the first thing I say to you in the morning, and the last thing I’ll say to you at night. And even if I’m angry with you because you mixed your mayonnaise and your ketchup, I’ll still say it.” Keith laughed and began to trace his fingers over the outline of Lance’s lips as he spoke. “I’ll say it in the spaces between. In the breaths between kisses, in the hours we’re apart and the moments with nothing between us. I love you, and now that I’ve said, I won’t ever stop saying it.” For a second, Keith just stared at him, his eyebrows furrowed and his lips parted with shaky breaths. “What?” Lance asked. 

He barely shook his head as he chuckled softly. “Just… sounded like poetry for a second,” he murmured. Lance bit his lip and shrugged. Keith’s nose scrunched as his smile deepened before pulling Lance into another kiss. 

“You know, I’m a little surprised you weren’t panicking about this.” Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “Just… I used to have to pry things out of you. I guess I just imagined you’d be going back and forth about this.” 

Keith sighed and looked at the ceiling while he thought. “Hm. I think I expected that a bit too. Six months ago, I thought that it would be like that. This freak out and sudden realization. But….” Keith sighed and rolled his eyes. “God, you’re gonna laugh at how cheesy this sounds- or maybe you’ll love it, but still.” 

Lance used Keith’s chest to rest his elbows and lift himself up, looking at him inquisitively. “I’m intrigued. Continue.” 

He let out a breath and bit his lip. “It wasn’t a freak out because… by the time I recognized that I was in love with you, I’d also realized… I had been in love with you for a while. So that just… fell into place. There was no freak out because it wasn’t new, I just… hadn’t realized when or how it started. I do know there were moments that made it stronger.” 

Lance smiled to himself and nodded. “Yeah. I know what you mean.” He bit his lip and felt his cheeks turn red. “Can I ask… when you realized? That….” 

“That I love you?” He grinned and gently twirled a lock of hair long enough to start curling slightly. Lance nodded and continued chewing on his lip. “Easter night. But…. You know how once you realized you liked guys, suddenly a bunch of stuff from before started making sense? Like other guys you'd been into but you weren't aware of it until you had a name for it?" Lance nodded. "It's like that. Ever since I realized what this was, a bunch of other little moments started making more sense…." 

He completely understood that. The way that love seeped into their lives little by little until it was all they had. Lance smiled and nuzzled into Keith's hand, pressing a light kiss on his palm. "Can I tell you something? Just don't laugh."

"Why would I laugh?" 

Lance shrugged and rested his head against Keith's chest again. "It's just… I think you were God's belated answer to all my prayers." 

It was quiet for a moment. Then Keith whispered, "How?"

He felt Keith’s hand gently run up and down his spine as he took a deep breath. “Because I’d practically begged for a way to stop hurting, and I hated everything around me because I never found it. Because I’ve actually always been terrified of ending up alone and I secretly prayed for that not to happen, and I hated myself for it. I prayed until I hated praying, until I had nothing to pray for, and I was so angry with God for….” Lance sighed and pressed his face into Keith’s shirt. “And then you came along. You showed up when I'd given up hope.” He felt Keith’s hand sift through his hair. “And I get the feeling that God’s just smiling, laughing because I never would’ve thought that going to some random party with my friends would be one of the best decisions of my life. So yeah. You were the answer to my prayers.” 

“Lance….” Keith sat up, keeping his arms around Lance as he pulled him up too. "God I don't even know what to say," he whispered, his brows furrowed as he pressed his forehead against Lance's. 

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know that." 

Keith nodded and they stayed quiet for a while, leaning against each other. He felt Keith's hand intertwine with his own and the other stayed wrapped around him lightly. 

Eventually, Keith gently turned Lance's face toward him and kissed him softly a few times. Then one of those kisses became more insistent, more desperate, like everything Keith didn't know how to voice had to be understood through that kiss. 

When they pulled apart, Keith simply nudged his nose against Lance's like a very slow eskimo kiss. Lance really loved how gentle Keith could be sometimes. He loved everything about him. 

"Are you hungry? We could order a pizza or I could heat up some leftovers or-" 

Keith pulled Lance into his arms and chuckled. "I'm okay, darling. Just tired, but I don't want to go to bed yet. I just wanna be here with you." Lance nodded and leaned into him, tangling their legs together. 

He turned on the TV just to have some noise on in the background and felt Keith running his hand through his hair again and again. The movement got slower and slower until it stopped completely, and based on the slow breaths that made his chest rise and fall, Lance figured he’d fallen asleep. 

He pulled Keith’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to the pad of each finger, murmuring, “I love you,” after each one. 

Once he was sure Keith was fast asleep, Lance slowly untangled himself from his grasp and pulled Keith into his arms. He must have been really tired, because he didn’t even stir awake. He just rested his head against Lance’s shoulders and stayed fast asleep as he carried him to the room. Kosmo padded along at his feet, following him. 

He laid Keith down on the bed, and Kosmo immediately jumped up to curl up at his feet. Lance got in bed beside him, curling up against his chest. Keith’s arm reached out to wrap around him, tugging him in closer, which made Lance smile. 

He didn’t think he would ever get tired of telling Keith he loved him. 

\--

The dance performances were the following weekend. The dance team had rehearsed so much that Lance barely managed to talk to Keith over the phone during the week before he was falling asleep. They would be performing in front of the building they rehearsed in because they set up some lights. Keith had been at school nearly all day, rehearsing in the morning, going to class, and then rehearsing some more. He only had about two hours of a break before the performance, and Lance wanted to see him. 

His siblings were coming as well as his mama. His dad would barely be getting home for work, so he wasn’t able to make it, but even so, Lance started feeling secondhand anxiety for Keith. 

He walked into the building and up to the ballroom space the team rehearsed in. He could hear the beat of the music through the doors, but he also heard laughter, so he assumed that they were on break. 

When he opened the door, he saw dancers spread out around the space, stretching, drinking water, and eating salads and granola bars and sandwiches. A few of them said hi when they saw him, which made Lance feel pretty damn special. 

Keith was near the front with Roland, but when he lit up the second he saw Lance and excused himself to meet him halfway. 

“Hola, mi amor,” he greeted before wrapping his arms around him and kissing his cheek. 

Keith grinned and kissed his cheek. “Hey. I’ve missed you.” 

“Missed you too.” He lifted the lunch bag in his hands. “I brought you food. I tried to keep it light so it won’t mess with your performance. And a smoothie.” 

Keith’s smile got wider and he took the lunch bag and thermos from him. “Thank you, love. Shiro made me a huge breakfast in the morning, so this is perfect.” He kissed him quickly before walking back toward Roland. “Guess who’s able to perform one last time?” Keith said. 

“Whoa, really? You’re going on stage?”

Roland nodded and smiled nervously. “Yeah. I was here a few times helping with the choreography and one of the dancer’s sprained their ankle so I stepped in this week. It’s nice to have a last performance before graduating.” 

“Yes, but you also need to go eat something or else your last performance is gonna be you passing out. So get a sandwich or something. You’ve got time,” Keith said. Roland sighed and lifted his hands in surrender. He waved and walked over to the doors to leave, catching Alexa before she left too.

Meanwhile, they sat down on the floor so Keith could eat. “So… you nervous?” Lance asked.

Keith looked over at him and furrowed his eyebrows. “Well, I’m trying not to think of everyone who’ll be in the crowd. Otherwise, my legs start shaking,” he said as he pulled out his food.

Lance chuckled and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Well, you know I’ll be at the very front, so… focus on me.”

“Hmm, that won’t be hard to do.” Lanced smiled back at him. “Oh, and you know what? I found this dance studio that’s pretty cheap. I was thinking about picking up a second job there. They work with different age groups, like kids, teens, and adults. It’s a little far, but I was thinking Nadia and Sylvio could check out the classes.” 

“Wait, what?” 

Keith nodded. “Yeah. I mean I’ve never really taught kids, but they’re fast learners. They seemed pretty interested in it. I looked into it when you forwarded me that video of them dancing at Marco’s house.” 

It was a simple suggestion, and yet it left Lance with a warm feeling in his chest. “You should bring it up to my brother tonight.” Keith nodded and kept eating, totally oblivious to Lance’s adoring expression. “Hey.” Keith looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “I love you.” 

Keith’s cheeks turned bright red and he covered his mouth, ducking his head to hide his flush. Then he looked back at Lance and smiled sheepishly. “Te amo.” 

Hearing the words, Lance smiled a little wider and sat up a little taller. Keith just chuckled and shook his head. 

He stayed for about an hour before the team’s lunch break was over and they had to start setting up in front of the building and changing into their dance clothes. Keith walked with him to his car, gripping his hand tightly. 

“You okay, mi vida?” 

He took a breath and gulped. “The nervousness is kicking in. But I’ll be okay.” He kissed Lance softly and leaned his forehead against him. “I love you,” he whispered. 

Lance wrapped his arms around him and whispered back, “Te amo.” He pulled back and looked Keith in his eyes. “You’re gonna be amazing. Like you always are.” He kissed him and gave the small ponytail at the base of his neck a playful tug. “I’ll see you later, okay?” 

He got into his car, and Keith watched him drive off before heading back into the building. 

There wasn’t much time before the performance, and he knew his family would already be on the way in order to make it in time. In fact, Veronica had messaged him that she was already on the way with Mami and Luis was just waiting on Maya to finish getting ready for them to get going. Marco hadn’t messaged yet, but Lance knew the twins had already gotten out of school. 

He decided he could get himself a little more presentable for the performance. After showering and getting dressed, Lance got back in his car even though there was still plenty of time before the dances started partially out of nervousness and partially because he wanted to be there before his family got there so he could tell them where to go. 

At one of the stoplights, there was a person selling little bunches of flowers and long stemmed roses. A cluster of purple ones caught Lance’s eye, and he rolled down the window. “How much for those?” he asked, pointing. 

“Fifteen. Roses for ten and twenty.” 

Lance pulled out his wallet and found a ten dollar bill. He scoured the change in the glove compartment and found another two dollars and 89 cents. He bit his lip and looked at the man who was regarding him uncertainly. 

“Okay, I have $12.89 and I really need those purple ones.” The man didn’t look convinced, seemingly about to deny the bargain. The light turned green, and Lance waved at the cars behind him, ignoring their honks as they drove around him. “Oh! I also have a gift card to Starbucks,” he added, pulling his wallet out. “I think it’s got like… seventeen bucks in it still?” 

“That card could be empty for all I know,” the guy said. 

“I… I mean, yeah, but it’s not. Just-  _ please,  _ I need those flowers. I’m just missing two bucks and like… what eleven cents? Please.” 

The guy sighed and looked behind him at the cars that kept honking before swerving around Lance. “Alright, alright. Twelve bucks and the gift card.” Lance grinned and handed over the money and card. The guy gave him the bundle of purple flowers. "Must be an amazing girl if you're stopping traffic for her." 

Lance chuckled and placed the flowers on his lap. "Amazing guy." The guy seemed confused for a second, processing what Lance said. Lance just laughed and thanked him again before driving off.

He made it to Keith's campus and waited in his car for whoever showed up next. Hunk and Pidge were still on campus because of their classes, so it was just a matter of waiting on his family. 

Luis and Maya arrived first, texting Lance to figure out where to meet up. Vero texted not even give minutes after. Shortly after her, Marco called him to ask where to park. 

"Are those flowers for Keith?" Veronica asked with a teasing lilt. 

"No they're for you after your drive," Lance said with a sarcastic tone. "Yes, they're for Keith." 

Vero shoved him. "Cabron."

"Language," Mami chided. 

Suddenly, Lance heard his name get shouted as two little kids barreled into him at high speed. Nadia and Sylvio began talking over each other until Marco caught up and tried to calm them down. Lance carried them both, with Nadia clinging to his back and Sylvio at his front. 

“Alright, now that everyone’s here, let’s go get our spots. Come on.” Lance led his family to the main building where there was a stage elevated about a foot off the ground with lights aimed up at it and taller white ones off to each side. 

Chairs and mats were set up for people to sit aside from the stone benches that were always there. There were only a handful of people, so the front rows were still available. His family took up the row, while Nadia and Sylvio chose to sit on the floor. Hunk and Pidge let him know they were on their way over, so Lance saved the two seats behind him by using Maya and Vero’s bags. 

When they showed up though, Lance was surprised to see Kinkade with them. The three of them greeted Lance and his family before sitting behind them as more people filed in. 

“What song is Keith dancing to this time? Is he still paired with Alexa?” Pidge asked. 

“No, they switched out for new routines. But he hasn’t told me much about it, so it’ll all be new. I didn’t get sneak peeks by watching their rehearsals this semester,” Lance said. “Kinkade, I didn’t know you liked dancing.” 

“I’ve never seen a live performance, but I like skimming through the ones on YouTube,” he said. “I just came because Roland mentioned he was performing again and I figured I’d come support. Plus, I want to get some pictures of dancers.” He held up his camera and started fiddling with its settings. 

“Remember to keep yourself together, Lance,” Hunk said with a teasing smile. Lance just stuck his tongue out at him. 

The closer they got to the hour, the more people flooded in. Friends and family, and even some people just passing by after a late class, lingering to see what would happen. As the sun began to set, casting a gorgeous golden glow on the building and the stage, Colleen stepped on stage. 

“Hello, everyone! I’m so glad to see you all here! This semester we were able to welcome a couple more dancers and this final performance is definitely one you’ll remember for years to come. Our group has split into pairs or groups of three depending on their choreography, and we’ve got seven dances choreographed by the dancers themselves, not including the group one. I’m going to ask everyone to please silence their phones. I won’t hesitate to stop the performances if I hear a phone go off in the audience. Now, I’d like to introduce the captain- Keith Kogane.” She stepped aside as Keith hopped up on stage.

There was some polite clapping, but of course the first two rows cheered a little louder than necessary. “Thank you everyone for coming to see us tonight,” Keith started. Anyone else would think he was calm and collected, but Lance saw the way his free hand was nervously picking at the seam of the joggers he was wearing. “First, because I do see some younger kids in the audience, I want to advise that a few of these performances have heavy themes within the choreography or songs, so if you want to step away with your kids, please do so quietly. You’re welcome to take photos and videos, but no flash, please. And lastly, before we begin the performances…. I’ll be graduating next week, so I’d like to introduce everyone to the next dance captain for the fall semester: Alexa Sandoval.” 

“Oh, no way!” Hunk said behind them. Alexa went on stage next to Keith, accepting the applause and thanking Keith. Naturally, the group cheered for her loudly enough for Alexa to roll her eyes and smile at them. 

“We’re gonna kick things off with our first trio, Erika, Harry, and Maria,” Alexa said. The crowd applauded politely, a few extra cheers scattered throughout. 

The trio came on stage while Alexa and Keith left. The lights came on, honing everyone’s focus on the stage the darker it got around them. 

Lance watched, enthralled by the movements, but he wasn’t necessarily impressed. And it was absolutely due to the fact that he was biased, but still. Lance admired the abilities of the dancers, but their dances didn’t always captivate him. They didn’t tell a story. 

Roland was the second one up, dancing with a girl named Karla. This time, Lance had to pay attention because he had no idea Roland could do half the things he did on stage at that moment. The way he moved, somehow robotic but smooth at once, able to handle the weight of the person he was dancing with as he moved sometimes. And considering the fact that he only had on a thin muscle shirt, the movement of his torso was easily visible and it was like the guy was made of water. 

The last performance he’d been in hadn’t done him justice. It hadn’t let him show off the skill he had. But this time, that was clear. And it was clear how much he enjoyed it when the song ended and he started laughing before hugging his partner and bowing. 

Lance turned around in his seat as the applause continued. “Did you guys know he could dance like that?” 

“I’ve never seen him dance outside of the performances here. That was insane,” Pidge said. “He’s a lot stronger than he looks.” 

“It was like seeing a whole new Roland,” Hunk said. He looked beside him and raised an eyebrow at Kinkade. “How are those photos coming along?” 

“Great,” he answered. He didn’t elaborate, but that was fine because the next performance was coming up. 

After them, there was another pair which was fun to watch because of how playful their dance was. Nadia and Sylvio seemed fascinated with each dance, both leaning forward during them. Then another. This one was Alexa and James. 

James was in a tattered black shirt, his face smeared with black to give him a grimy look. His hair looked wet, and his jeans were splattered and torn. Alexa was in a nice white dress with several flowing parts that shimmered, reflecting the lights that were cast on them in purple and pink hues. Her short hair was slicked back and she had more make up than Lance had ever seen her wear.

The song began, a soft piano tune that had Alexa immediately begin, her movements gentle and fluid and calculated, like a ballerina. Meanwhile James circled her to the beat of the music, but his movements were rougher and his walk animalistic, like a predator about to catch its prey. He got closer until the lyrics sped up a bit and grabbed Alexa’s arm, holding her until she broke free, but her arms were smeared with black. This time when she danced, it wasn’t as measured, the grace of a ballerina broken and rigid. Her face looked like she was in pure agony, and Lance wasn’t even sure if she was acting or not. James shadowed her, tearing off the flowing parts of her dress until she stopped ignoring him and suddenly became focused completely on him, following him with stiff, frantic movements that didn’t match the slow pace of the music. 

When he pulled away, she raced after him, jumping onto his back and flailing her legs and frantically shaking her head until her hair fell away from its elegant slick. He shoved her off and the next time the lyrics sped up, Alexa started running to the edge of the stage so quickly that Lance was sure she’d jump off, but James tugged her back before she could, resulting in several gasps from the crowd. Alexa went with the momentum and fell to the floor, curling around James’ leg, cradling it. He lifted her by her hair and wrapped himself around her, exposing her to the crowd as the music slowed. 

Her hair was undone, her makeup smudged and messy. Her limbs and what was left of her dress and undergarments were smeared in black. Instead of the tall, strong posture she had at the beginning, she was hunched over, curling into herself, only held up by James. 

As the song came to a close, she dropped to the floor with James towering over her. The music ended and from where Lance stood, he could see the way Alexa’s shoulders shook. The applause that erupted around them was deafening.

Nadia and Sylvio turned to Marco, both protesting because “That boy was so mean to her, why did he do that to her?” 

“It’s acting,” Marco explained, hugging them because they seemed so distressed. “It’s part of the dancing. She’s okay. They probably practiced a lot so she wouldn’t get hurt and it only looked like she did.” 

As Marco explained, Lance watched as James pulled Alexa up gently. Tears were still streaming down her face as they bowed and left the stage. 

Lance turned to mention it to Pidge and Hunk, but froze when he saw Veronica’s face, seemingly frozen in shock as her eyes watered.

“Vero? Chaparra?” 

She blinked and wiped at her eyes. “I’m fine. That was just intense.” 

“Dios mio, pobrecita,” Mami said on the other side of him. “That dance was full of… como se dice… su sufrimiento, you could feel it. When does Keith come on?” 

Lance gave Veronica one last concerned look before answering. “There’s two performances left, Mami.” 

“Ay, míralo, ahi viene!” she said. 

Sure enough, Keith was taking the stage. He was wearing a gray shirt with black joggers, and his partner was wearing a black muscle shirt and shorts. They began face to face as the song began. While it sounded like a love song, the way Keith and his partner interacted seemed to be violent and angry. The guy in the muscle shirt grabbed him by the arms, moving him the way he wanted, keeping Keith on his tiptoes, clashing their arms together. Each time he turned away, Keith would reach for him and bring him back to the dance with an embrace until the guy grabbed him by the neck and pushed him back leaving Keith to fall to the floor. 

Another guy wearing a hoodie came up, crawling along the floor tentatively to meet Keith and they both stood up together with their arms extending upwards. This time Keith led the dance, still on his toes as he tried to get the guy in the hoodie to mimic his movements. While the dance with the first guy was rough and clashing, the one with this guy was gentler, tentative. But it was clear that something was off. They weren’t moving in sync, their movements didn’t compliment each other’s. Then Keith fell to the floor, slipping through the guy’s grasp. For a second, Lance thought Keith had actually fallen, but the way Keith looked at the guy in the hoodie while he simply walked off stage and the way Keith had caught himself told Lance it was just part of the dance. 

That time Keith picked himself up during a lag in the music, his back turned to the first guy who was on stage again in a blue t-shirt. His stance was different, no longer domineering but kind of light on his feet and playful, drawn to Keith, even his expression was gentler giving the impression of an entirely new person. He followed Keith and tried to get him to dance, but Keith would ignore him and change the steps. At least until the guy in blue managed to wrap his arms around Keith and sway with him, making Keith smile. Lance watched as Keith slowly melted into it, planting his feet firmly on the ground as his hands spread along his arms in an adoring sort of way until he reached the guy’s hands. They turned to face each other again, mirroring each other with their palms touching. And the movements became more fluid, playful, certain, and joyous, feeling more natural and paced than the last two segments.

_ Oh.  _

It clicked for Lance at the same time that the song ended. And he knew he was right when he caught Keith’s eyes and watched a smile spread on his face, that expression full of love honed in on Lance as applause erupted and everyone sitting near him shouted and hollered. 

The three of them took a bow and hurried off stage. Lance stood up, muttering a careless, “I’ll be right back,” when Veronica called for him over the applause. He rushed to the side of the stage to catch Keith before he went inside, grabbing him by the wrist. 

“Lance, what are you doing over here?” he asked in alarm. “Sweetheart, I gotta go change before the last two finish their dance.” 

“That was us, wasn’t it? Well, it was you and your past, but that was… that was about us, right?” 

Keith smiled slightly and leaned in to kiss him. “I knew you’d figure it out,” he whispered. “I have to go though, love. Colleen will kill me if I’m not changed.” He pulled away and started for the building. 

“I love you,” Lance called after him softly. 

Keith turned, a smile still on his face. “Te amo.” 

He watched him go before heading back to his seat, too wrapped up in the last dance to focus much on the one happening.

It was like a declaration of love through dance. Vulnerability in retelling his past, but unequivocal love with the way Keith moved his body to speak. Where Lance wrote his love and affection into poems, Keith expressed it through movement. 

And Lance loved it. He loved knowing that Keith thought of him as he choreographed, that he'd probably thought of him as he smiled while he performed, that each time he rehearsed the dance, he thought of him too. 

As everyone came back on stage for another performance, Lance found himself immediately seeking Keith out. The lights stayed off with everyone on the floor until the music started. 

Then the lights came on, bathing everyone in shades of blue as they danced with robotic precision until the beat dropped and everything seemed to have turned into calculated chaos. While the movements weren't the same for everyone, they were still in sync and aware of each other's place on stage. 

Lance followed Keith's movements the most, on the edge of his seat as the dance continued. He could hear Kinkade's camera going off behind him with little shutter clicks barely audible over the music. The song melded into another that had everyone switching the style of dance as everyone cheered for whoever they were there for. 

Once the performance ended, the whole group took a bow and the crowd stood up to cheer and clap. The dancers had a massive group hug with everyone thanking their partners before dispersing into the crowd to find their friends and family. As soon as Keith got off the stage, Lance rushed toward him and pulled him into a hug. 

"Amazing as always," he said, holding him tightly, unfazed by the sweatiness of his shirt. He turned to kiss his cheeks, his nose, and his forehead before giving him a kiss on the lips, cupping his face. 

He heard someone clear their throat behind them. He turned to look at Veronica as she held out the flowers Lance had gotten. "Forgetting something?" 

"Oh!" He took them from her and smiled at Keith. "To congratulate you on your final dance performance here, mi amor." He held out the flowers and watched with delight as Keith's face turned bright red as he took them. 

"Thank you," he said with a nervous chuckle. He wrapped his arm around him and kissed his cheek before turning to the others. 

They all hugged him and congratulated and complimented him, which didn't help the red color of his face.

"My husband couldn't make it because he was leaving work when this started," Mami explained. "But he wanted to be here." She tucked a strand of hair behind Keith's ear, and her eyes were watery, but Lance wasn't sure why. 

"Oh, that's okay," Keith answered. "Thank you guys for coming. I know some of the stuff was a little intense, but were Nadia and Sylvio okay?" Keith asked Marco. 

"They got a little worried for one of the girls but I explained that it was acting." 

"Can we go on the stage?" Nadia asked. 

"Oh, sure, just for a little though because we'll have to take it down," Keith said. He helped them hop up just as they heard someone else call for him.

Lance turned and saw Shiro coming up with Adam and all of Keith's parents who were looking curiously at Lance's family. 

“Keith, hon,” his foster mom said as she pushed forward to get to him. “Oh, Keith you were wonderful! That was so fun to watch and the whole team was so good!”

“It was a powerful dance, kiddo,” Karina said with a smile. She looked over at Lance and smiled a little wider. “Hey Lance. I take it this is your family?” 

“Yeah! Uh, these are my brothers and my sister is… uh, I guess she went somewhere. This is my brother’s girlfriend and this is my mom. Mami, this is Keith’s family.” 

Keith’s parents and Shiro and Adam all introduced themselves as they greeted Lance’s family members. Meanwhile Lance stepped back to stay beside Keith. 

“I’ve never had to talk to so many people after a performance,” Keith said with a soft sight. “It’s a little overwhelming.” 

“Geez, it’s like trying to get a picture with a celebrity,” Pidge said as she came around the two families with Hunk and Kinkade to see Keith. “You were pretty awesome. Lance was slack-jawed as ever.” 

“You say that like I would deny it, but I embrace the way Keith makes my brain short-circuit, okay?” 

“I got some pretty good shots of your dance. Alexa and Roland’s too,” Kinkade said. “Where are they at?” 

Keith hopped onto the stage to skim the crowd. “I don’t see Alexa, and Roland was helping with putting up the lights, but- oh there he is.” He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, “Roland!” 

Lance looked in the direction and saw Roland stop in the middle of gathering the cords as Keith waved him over. 

As soon as he got there, Hunk brought him into a hug and smiled at him. “I’m so glad you got a chance to be on stage again! You killed it, dude.” 

“Honestly, that was a whole new set of skills,” Lance said. “You were awesome.”

“Ah, thanks guys. I was nervous because I had to learn it all so fast, but it was a lot of fun. I didn’t expect to see you here, Ryan. Did you take pictures?” 

Kinkade looked down at his camera. “Yeah. Yeah, do you want to see them?” Roland nodded and Kinkade gestured for him to follow him to one of the benches further away for them to sit at.

Lance looked back at his family and smiled at the way the parents seemed to be deep in conversation. Shiro, however, looked frustrated and angry for some reason, and he kept glancing over at them. 

“Wait. Babe?” 

“Hm?” 

“Shiro…. Shiro doesn’t know we’re friends with Roland, does he?” 

There was a beat of silence. “Oh shit.” Keith pulled himself away from them, holding his flowers close. “I’ll be right back.” He walked over to pull Shiro aside. 

“Tio! Mira!” Lance turned to the stage to see his niece and nephew standing together before doing the dance that Keith had taught them, smiling widely as they did. Lance grinned and cheered for them when they finished and they both went to jump onto him like a pair of monkeys. 

“Looks like the in-laws like each other,” Pidge said with a grin as she looked over at their families. 

“Ah, shut up,” Lance said, unable to hide his sheepish grin. “Where the hell did Veronica go? Hey, you two, did you see where Tia went?” 

“No,” the twins answered in unison. “Just call her.” 

“I… you’re right. I’ll do that before we leave.” Keith walked back over to them and gave Lance a pained smile. 

“Well, that was a fun conversation. He says we’re talking more when we get home and I haven’t felt that terrified since high school.” 

“Keith, did you see us dancing? We danced like you showed us,” Sylvio said.

“Yeah, I did! I also saw a video of you guys doing it at home, you were awesome.” 

Sylvio grinned and hopped off of Lance only to ask if Keith could give him a piggyback ride like Nadia and Lance. 

“Are we going to celebrate tonight?” Hunk asked. “You, Alexa, and Roland? Or do you guys have family plans?” 

“I think my folks gotta head back soon, but I’m not sure,” Lance said. “What do you wanna do, amor?” 

Keith hesitated and looked between his friends to his and Lance’s family. “I don’t know. I’ve… It’s…. I mean I can ask, but…. I should start helping put the set up. I gotta change too. I’ll be back okay?” He kissed Lance’s cheek and let Sylvio down. “I love you.” 

“Te amo,” Lance answered, watching him go. He frowned, knowing that Keith was doing that thing where he shut down, but he wasn’t sure why. He turned back to Hunk and Pidge, but froze when he saw their expressions. “What?” 

Hunk and Pidge looked at each other then at him. “When did…? Since when- I mean-”

“You guys are using the L word,” Hunk said. 

“Oh. Uh. Yeah.” 

“Tio Lance and Keith are in love,” Nadia said matter-of-factly. “So they have to say it.” 

Lance laughed and put Nadia down. “Go with your dad, I’ll be right there, okay?” The twins nodded and left. Lance bit his lip and shrugged. “Yeah. It was… a whole thing. Sort of. But also not.”

Hunk and Pidge smiled widely at him. “That’s…. God, that’s…. I’m happy for you, Lance,” Pidge said. “Of course you have us to thank for dragging you to that party you swore you had too much homework for.” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he said. “Come on. I gotta be sure my brothers aren’t embarrassing me.” They walked back to Lance’s family falling between the multiple conversations happening. 

Maya stood beside him with a playful smirk. "You missed it. The moms were fawning over you and what a 'precious young man you are!' Doña Cari was beaming." He blushed and scratched the back of his head self-consciously. "Also, I'm sending you the video I recorded," Maya said. "I got all the dancers but I cut Keith's performance to send it separately." 

Lance smiled and hugged her. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! I always forget to record." 

"Where'd Keith go?" Mrs. Shirogane asked. 

"He's helping with clean up and getting changed. He'll be back in a bit." 

"Well then, in the meantime we're getting something from the cafe," she answered as she ruffled his hair before leaving with her husband. 

Then Mami gave him a soft look that made Lance self-conscious. "What?" 

She shook her head and smiled. "He makes you light up. Hace mucho tiempo que no veo esa luz en tu alma, mi niño." Lance smiled and felt his cheeks heat up. "And Aiko was just telling me that Keith's changed since he met you too. She's very grateful for you making him happy, you know?" 

Lance didn’t know what to say to that. It felt like praise he didn’t deserve. He wasn’t doing anything extraordinary; he’d simply fallen in love with a beautiful boy. Nothing more, nothing less. And that beautiful boy loved him back. It was as simple as that. 

“Ah mirala, ahi esta. I was looking for her- Veronica!” 

Lance turned and saw Vero turn toward them. 

“Donde estabas?”

“Bathroom. But the building confused me,” she said. Lance frowned, noticing the way she tugged at her earlobe for a split second. She always did that when she lied. 

Mami seemed to accept the answer, and she averted her attention to Shiro and Adam who were still talking to Luis, Maya, and Marco. 

Lance looked behind him to see if Keith was back yet, but his eyes fell on Karina who was sitting in a chair, looking at the stage pensively. He walked over to her and sat in the chair beside. It was uncanny how much she looked like Keith. There were a few features that were different, features Lance assumed came from his dad then.

“Are you okay?” Lance asked, a little nervous because he really had no idea how to talk to Karina. She was Keith’s mom, but she was more laid-back than his foster mom. Laid-back wasn’t the right term; she was more distant. He remembered Keith mentioning once that Karina always seemed hesitant about her actions around him. 

“He told me once… about a boy who’d mistreated him in high school. The beginning of his dance seemed… it seemed to tell that story. Then I wasn’t sure what else, but by the end…. Well, with the way he talks about you, I assumed it was your story. And even if someone doesn’t know all the pieces to the story, you could see it in the dance, in their faces… how different that last dynamic is with the others.” Her eyes flickered to him, so similar to Keith’s down to the defensiveness that simmered behind them. “Am I right?” 

He hesitated for a second, unsure of how much Keith might have told her. He didn’t want her to ask questions he wasn’t supposed to answer. But he didn’t want to lie either. “Yeah.” 

That answer seemed to be enough for her. She chuckled softly and looked down at her hands. “It reminded me of his father. The sense of stability and support. I remember what a relief it was to find out there was another way to experience a relationship.” She furrowed her eyebrows and shook her head, and Lance could practically see the way her guard went up, her expression hardening only enough to remove the melancholy that had been in it. “I didn’t mean to… I just meant I’m happy he’s found that with you.” 

Lance took a breath and smiled. “He’s a lot like you, you know? I know I don’t know you too well, but from what I have…. You’d be surprised how similar Keith can be.” 

She smiled slightly and hummed. “Guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Her eyes focused elsewhere and she sat up a bit. “Here he comes.” 

Lance looked up, and sure enough, Keith was walking over to them with his duffel bag slung over one shoulder and Alexa beside him. Nadia and Sylvio were the first to make a beeline for him. 

“You know, I think they’re  _ this  _ close to just calling him Tio already,” Maya said as she walked up to stand beside Lance. She looked down at him and smirked. “Also, Shiro and Adam threw you two under the bus earlier.” 

“What do you mean?” 

Maya raised an eyebrow and and bit back a smile, ignoring his question in favor of going to tell Veronica something that probably had nothing to do with anything they were saying. Lance made a mental note to interrogate his brothers later. 

Keith’s parents came back with their drinks in time to join the others in congratulating Alexa on her performance, to which she responded with a tired smile and soft thank yous. Nadia asked her if the boy she danced with had actually hurt her and Alexa grinned as she shook her head. 

“Nah, he’s nice. We practiced a lot and fell a lot when we started practicing though.” 

Nadia nodded as she listened. “Me and my brother wanna be dancers too,” she said proudly. “Just like Keith. He showed us a dance already.” 

Alexa looked at Keith with a teasing smile, and Keith just blushed. “Well, I started dancing when I was your age,” she said. “You two can be the next Hough siblings.” Nadia and Sylvio high-fived, though Lance was pretty sure they didn’t know who the Hough siblings were. 

Before Lance could walk over to Keith's side, his foster parents went to hug him and started talking to him. Lance didn't want to intrude, so he stayed off to the side, regrouping with his friends. 

He felt a hand at his arm and turned to see Vero. “Hey flaco, we’re gonna get going. You know Mami gets nervous when we drive in the dark.” 

“Oh, yeah, okay. But, hey.” He pulled Vero aside and tried to get her to look him in the eye. “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

Her eyes flitted away before she looked back at Lance. “Honestly? I’m fine. I’m not the one you should be worried about.” 

“What the hell does that mean?” 

Veronica sighed and shook her head. “I… Forget it. I’m okay. Really, I am.” She smiled and tousled his hair. “We’ll see you soon, okay? You gotta come to the engagement party.” 

“Whoa- the what?” 

Vero gestured over at Luis and Maya who were talking to Hunk and Pidge and Roland. “He’s finally proposing tomorrow. I’m just surprised she hasn’t beaten him to it.” Lance grinned and looked back at his brother and future sister-in-law. “I’m already planning the party, so you and Keith gotta be there. Deal?”

“Duh, I’m the best man.” 

“Then do your job better,” she said. Lance scoffed, but Veronica just kissed his cheek and laughed as she went to grab the keys. 

The goodbyes got a little confusing, with parents saying goodbye to each other and also saying goodbye to them and then stopping to keep talking before saying goodbye again and leaving, and it got to the point where Lance had received multiple hugs, tousles, cheek kisses, and clasps on the shoulder. Eventually, he just went to stand by Keith and his friends, watching as Mrs. Shirogane and Mami kept talking a little more. 

“Your mom has said goodbye to us like five times,” Keith said. 

“This is just how it goes,” Lance said. “Every party, every get-together. Just keep saying bye until they’re actually gone.”

Keith chuckled then pulled away from Lance. “I’ll be right back.” Lance watched him move over to where Karina was sitting on a stone bench, scrolling through her phone. She looked up and smiled when he got closer and they sat together. Lance could see the tension in the way Keith sat with his shoulders slightly hunched, but then Karina said something that made him smile, and his nose scrunched.

He turned back to where their friend group had gathered around a set of stairs. They were debating where to go eat once everyone who was leaving was gone, bouncing ideas back and forth. By the time they decided, Lance’s family and Keith’s family had all left, except for Karina. She was still talking to him, and she hugged him tightly before letting him walk back towards their group. 

Karina waved at them all then walked away toward the parking lot. 

“What do you say to eating at Chili’s? It’s the closest thing that’s not fast food, and also Alexa wants ribs,” Roland said, kicking his foot back and forth from where he sat. 

“Sounds good to me.” 

“Okay, we’ll meet there then,” Pidge said. “Whoever gets there first, ask for a table and we’ll just show up.” They dispersed, heading towards their cars, and Lance felt Keith’s hand slip into his own. 

Once they were far enough away, Lance tugged on his hand gently. “You okay? You got a little stressed back there.” 

Keith grunted and stared at the ground as he walked. “Just overwhelmed, I guess." Lance waited for him to elaborate if he wanted to. Once they got to the car, Keith stopped walking and turned to Lance. "It used to be that I'd finish the dance and it would just be Shiro and Adam waiting for me. And we'd go get coffee or burgers to take home and that's it. That was all I wanted and all I expected." 

He furrowed his eyebrows before continuing. "Now… there's so many people trying to compliment me and hug me and it's a little unreal. My parents- all three of them- with this look of pride in their eyes and then…. My friends and now your family. I didn't even know what to do or how to spend enough time with everyone and I was… kind of freaking out." He shook his head and scoffed. "It's a stupid thing to worry about." 

"No it isn't," Lance said. "It's a change from a routine that you're still getting used to. You went from having a small group to a big group and that takes some accommodating." 

Keith nodded. "Yeah. Logically I know that, I just…. I guess it feels like if I mess up and don't spread my time out evenly, someone's gonna disappear or… I don't know." He leaned into Lance and stayed quiet for a moment. "It also just hit me I guess that…. I spent my life being a minimalist because it was safe. I didn't  _ need  _ a lot, and I never expected a lot. Never let myself want more. Now I have it. My family. My friends." He lifted his head and looked at Lance. "You." 

Lance smiled and cupped his face with one hand, bumping their noses together. "You deserve so much that if I could, I would give you the universe." 

A gentle smile tugged on Keith's lips, his eyes skimming Lance's face. "Your love is greater than the universe. And I already have that." 

It took a moment for the words to process, and then another moment to think of a response. In the end all Lance could do was blush and hide his face in the crook of Keith's neck. "You are no longer allowed to call me cheesy ever again." 

He felt Keith's shoulders shake with silent laughter. When Lance lifted his head, Keith kissed him and smiled. "I love you, pretty boy." 

Lance kissed the palm of his hand. "Te amo, mi príncipe." He gestured to the car. "Let's get going on your celebratory dinner." Keith nodded and got into the car with Lance following suit. 


	27. Addiction

Graduation was supposed to be when everything slowed down, if only for a bit. Instead, it seemed that things were… not quite speeding up but  _ piling  _ up. 

Shiro and Adam's wedding would be in the summer, which meant the next couple months had to be devoted to whatever expenses and planning were left to do. Keith also needed a roommate before then, but he didn't trust anyone who wasn't already his friend. On top of that, he still needed to talk to Shiro about Roland because he'd been avoiding that conversation, he'd been trying to find a moment to talk to Alexa but she seemed to be purposefully evasive, and Lance… was starting to act strange. 

Not good strange. Not I-Have-A-Surprise-And-Need-To-Throw-You-Off strange. Just… not like  himself. He was tired often, even more than when he was finishing up his finals. Even when they were together, Lance spent most of his time asleep. And although he wouldn’t say anything, Keith knew he was having nightmares again. He could tell by how skittish he got when he woke up, by the way that no matter how long he slept, he still looked like he wasn’t sleeping at all. 

But if Keith even tried to ask what was going on, Lance would change the subject. Keith had caught on to the fact that Lance worked on changing the subject when he didn’t want to lie but also didn’t want to say the truth. He wasn’t sure it helped, but he tried to respect that by not asking about it. Still, that felt… wrong. 

He’d been fine at Keith’s graduation. He’d been smiling and laughing and charming his parents left and right. He’d played photographer the whole night, catching the candids that he swore showed Keith’s happiness better than any posed picture. 

Keith sighed as he looked at Lance, fast asleep on the couch. He didn’t even look calm. He looked… frightened. Keith leaned over him, running his hand through his hair gently. “I love you,” he whispered before kissing his forehead. Then he grabbed his keys and left Lance’s apartment to head to work. 

After graduation, Keith went ahead and picked up more shifts at the bookstore while he waited to hear back from the dance studio. He wasn’t there for as long as he would have to be on weekends, but it was enough time to give him something to do while having enough for utilities and the occasional fast food dinner. It still felt like too much time away from Lance, especially when he was like this. 

When he went on his break, he saw that he had a missed phone call from Veronica and a text from her telling him to call her when he had the chance. He didn’t have anything from Lance, so he just sent him a text letting him know that his break had started. 

He called Veronica back, and she picked up almost immediately. “I haven’t talked to her yet,” he said. “But I will.” 

“Oh. That’s not what I was calling about, but thanks for the update,” she said. 

“Oh. So what’s up?” 

He heard her sigh before speaking again. "I called Lance to see how he was, but he didn't answer. Is he oversleeping again?"

"Again?" 

Another pause. "Keith…. He hasn't told you?" 

The tone in her voice made his stomach drop. It clicked and Keith felt like an idiot for not having caught on sooner. For not remembering. 

"When did…?" 

"This Friday makes two years." 

Keith winced and let out a sigh. "He mentioned it was a little after the end of the semester just not…. I should've put it together." He ran a hand through his hair and started pacing outside the store. "Wh-what do I do? How do I help him? What do I say?" 

“I wish I could give you an answer, Keith. But last year… we had no idea what to do and then suddenly he was fine.” 

Except he hadn’t been fine. He probably hadn’t been fine the year before for a long time. He just knew how to hide it so people wouldn’t worry. 

“Last year he came home for about a week. Maybe it’s a good sign that he’s not doing that this year. I know he has you and Hunk and Pidge over there. Just… keep me posted on how he’s doing? We worry, but we don’t want to overwhelm him.” 

“Yeah, I will,” Keith answered. “I’m gonna see if he’ll answer when I call him before I have to go back to my shift.” Veronica thanked him and hung up. There was no answer from Lance yet, but Keith went ahead and called him anyway. 

Just before he could decide to hang up, the call was answered with a very sleepy and soft, “Hello?” 

“Hey, love…. Did I wake you up?” Lance only answered with a hum that he hadn’t. “Have you eaten?” 

“‘M not hungry,” he answered.

Keith frowned. “You didn’t eat last night either.” There was no response. “Love, even just a slice of toast-”

“I’m not hungry,” Lance snapped. Keith bit his lip and cleared his throat. He heard a sigh and then a meek, “I’m sorry. Just….” 

“Tired?” Keith filled in. 

“Mhm.” 

He sat down on the sidewalk and let the silence settle. After a while, he said, “When I get there, we could watch all the Shrek movies. If they’re not online, I’m sure we could pirate them or-”

“Actually…. I think….” Lance sighed. “I could use some time to myself, if that’s okay.” 

Keith hated the way the tone of those words seemed to choke him. “Yeah. Of course it’s okay. I won’t go over then. But if you need anything…. I’m here. And I’ll be there as fast as I can.” 

“I know,” he answered softly. “Thank you.” Keith bit his lip, waiting on that click that told him Lance had hung up. Instead, he heard Lance say, “I love you.” 

“Te amo,” Keith answered. “With all my heart. I don’t know how to say that well in Spanish, but I do.” 

“Hmm. I’ll teach you next time I see you.” There was a very slight hint of amusement that Keith latched onto. “Bye, Keith.” 

It took a few more seconds before the call ended. Keith tried to go through it in his head. The stages of grief, the reactions people could have, and ways to help them through it. But it felt too therapist-like, and Keith didn’t want to act like a therapist for Lance. He just wanted to act like his boyfriend. But how was a boyfriend supposed to act over the person they love mourning the death of someone they had loved? 

Supportive. Patient. Keith felt he was doing that…. It just also didn’t feel like enough. 

By the time he’d returned to work, he hadn’t realized that he hadn’t actually eaten on his break. The rest of his shift was a bit of a daze as he mulled over Lance and berated himself for not having remembered or caught on to why Lance could be feeling the way he was. How had he gotten so wrapped up in himself that he hadn’t stopped to really think about what led Lance into the state he was in? He’d assumed about the nightmares, but how had it not clicked for him? 

When he went home, he realized that it meant he would be home later that night when Shiro got home. Sure, he was bound to have to sit down with him eventually because he was his brother, and they were planning a wedding, and the fact that they still lived together. Still, it didn’t mean he couldn’t stall the conversation about Roland as much as he could. He usually got home, showered and grabbed Kosmo, then headed to Lance’s for the night.

Now he knew he was really in for it. And part of him felt like a high schooler again. 

Sure enough, when Shiro got home and saw Keith in the living room, he said, "Adam! Do you see him too? Is he real, or have I started hallucinating?" 

Adam played along while he put some grocery bags on the table. "He's real." 

"Oh! Oh my God! My little brother… actually at home for once? It must be a miracle!" 

"Stop being an asshole," Keith muttered as Shiro engulfed him in an overdramatic hug.

"You've been avoiding me for over two weeks. I believe I reserve the right as the older brother to make your life hell for two minutes." 

Keith rolled his eyes. If Shiro thought being engulfed into bear hugs by him was hell, Keith wasn't planning on bursting that bubble. The fact that he was joking around at least told Keith that he wasn't angry. 

"Not to dig you further into this, but what  _ are _ you doing here, Keith?" Adam asked. "You haven't spent the night here since your dance." 

"I figured I couldn't avoid this much longer, especially since we have to dive into your wedding plans," Keith said as he walked over to help put away groceries. 

"So do me a favor and put that psych degree to use, yeah?" Shiro said. Keith sighed as he shut the pantry. "Why would someone avoid a conversation about the issue with befriending someone who emotionally and mentally abused them before?" 

"You're making assumptions," Keith said. 

“Am I?” 

“Yes,” Keith snapped. “You assume that I was quick to befriend him when I hadn’t even planned on doing that at all. You’re assuming that it meant I excused everything he did before, which I didn’t. As for why I avoided the conversation, it’s because I know you’ll get upset and try to treat me like I’m fifteen again, because that’s what you do when you get overprotective and it’s frustrating.” 

Shiro crossed his arms and looked at Keith expectantly. From the corner of his eyes, Keith saw Adam leave the kitchen to go sit in the living room. 

“Alright. Assumption aside. What the hell happened? Last I knew, you could barely stand being on the dance team with him and you hated his guts for the way he made you feel and I was free to punch him if he ever got too close.” 

Keith took a breath and leaned against the counter. “He started… acting different. Kind of weird after I started seeing Lance. And then one day he’s calling me over and over and asks if I can help him without asking questions. Which I would’ve said no to if… if he didn’t sound so hurt. Not just emotionally, just… his voice sounded fucked up.” Shiro hadn’t responded yet, but the sigh and the way his eyes drifted before settling on Keith again told him that he was already disagreeing with the events. “When I saw him, he was all beat up. It wasn’t from our fight, it was worse. Way worse. He didn’t have anywhere to go, and it felt wrong not to help him. I would’ve helped if it were anyone else, so why not him?” 

“What do you mean why not him? Because of everything he did to  _ you-”  _

“Can I finish?” 

Shiro huffed and crossed his arms again. Keith continued. “I let him stay-”

“Stay where?” 

Keith looked at the floor. “Here.” 

“ _ Here?” _

“.... In my room.” 

“Wha-  _ Keith!” _ Keith grimaced and looked at Shiro. “You let him stay in your room? When? How did I not notice? Jesus, Keith, what were you thinking?” Shiro’s face was pink and he’d barged out of the kitchen only to pace on the other side of the counter. “What the hell happened?” 

“Nothing! I just let him sleep here for a night. I slept on the floor. I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d think it was stupid, and you know, okay maybe it was stupid. But he needed help. Was I supposed to let him sleep on the street? It was cold and he was injured!” 

Shiro scowled but didn’t say anything else. He just kept pacing. 

“He only stayed for a night and then I dropped him off at a hotel. Then he went missing because he wasn’t going to class because he didn’t have extra clothes and he couldn’t go home.” Keith went around the counter to look at Shiro. “We got lucky with Mama and Papa.  _ You  _ got lucky. They accepted us. But remember why I was so scared to tell them to begin with?” Shiro was still frowning, but he’d stopped pacing. “I was a foster kid, so maybe it made more sense to kick out some strange kid living with you for a month. Roland got beaten up by his dad. He ran because he wasn’t safe. And he still couldn’t even tell me that when it happened. I had to pry it all out of him because…. God Shiro, he hasn’t even admitted that he’s gay until recently.” 

“Oh now he’s admitting it? Not when he had you trailing after him like a puppy before-”

“Taka….” Shiro stopped talking and looked at him. Keith shook his head. “Please. I know what he did. I know what he put me through. He was scared. He was scared because of the same reason he showed up here asking for help. Even Lance understood it, and he tried helping too…. Roland’s our friend now. And he’s trying so hard to be okay with being himself. He’s a good guy.” 

“I can’t see him as a good guy, Keith,” Shiro said softly. “After what he did to you? After how broken you were because of him? You’re my little brother, even if you’re not fifteen anymore. I’m still going to want to protect you from people like him.” 

Keith felt his chest constrict. Suddenly the scar across Shiro’s nose seemed more prominent, digging up Keith’s guilt all over again. 

From the second Keith had stepped foot in the Shirogane household, Shiro had taken the role of big brother like it was made for him. There were several times when Keith would think he got fostered because Shiro wanted a sibling more than because his parents wanted another child. Keith had learned to love Shiro’s investment in him. He’d learned to love Shiro more than anyone. 

He understood Shiro’s apprehension, and he understood that he wasn’t going to be able to change Shiro’s mind about Roland. At least not enough to make him like Roland. 

“I know I’m only 22, and I’m gonna keep making mistakes. But I’m not gonna repeat them. You said it yourself this is the age when I’m supposed to mess up and be reckless.” 

“I meant… taking a chance on a cute guy, not letting someone who hurt you back in your life,” Shiro said tiredly. 

“Well the cute guy worked out.” Shiro scoffed and shook his head. “Look… Roland’s a friend. Even if you don’t really like him, can you just be… civil with him? If he’s ever even around you, which probably won’t happen anyway.” 

Shiro took a breath and nodded slowly. “Yeah, that’s a reasonable request. Just… no more secret visitors, okay? I’m still living here, it’s still my house too.” 

“Yeah. Okay, no more secret visitors.”

Shiro pulled him into a hug. “I’m sorry if I’m overbearing. I know you’re an adult-”

“I mean… barely.” 

Shiro laughed. “Still. I know you’re smart, and you don’t need me patronizing your choices.” He turned to the couch and sat down. “Adam, come back!” Keith hadn’t even noticed when Adam left the living room. Shiro turned to Keith as Adam came out of Shiro’s room to join him. “So what’s next on the list of wedding plans?” 

Keith grinned. “Let me get my folder.” 

\---

He wasn’t codependent. He didn’t need to spend every minute of free time with Lance. Space was healthy. It was just…. 

Keith knew that Lance was in a delicate state, at least mentally and emotionally. He was supposed to be there for that. He was supposed to help. What was he supposed to do if Lance wasn’t even reaching out? How much was too much pushing? 

He’d called before work, but there was no answer. During his break, he’d gotten a text that simply said,  _ I was sleeping, sorry. Call you later.  _ Naturally, Keith figured it meant he had to wait for Lance to call. But it was the end of the day, and Lance hadn’t called. 

Didn’t Lance need him right now? Wasn’t Keith supposed to be there for him? 

Shiro was staying with Adam, so at least he didn’t have to explain why he was home again. He wondered if it would be alright to call Lance again. It was only the second call in the day, but… if Lance wasn’t reaching out, would he want Keith to? 

He decided on a text. A text allowed for time and if Lance didn’t feel like talking, he wouldn’t have to spend too much energy. 

_ I hope you’re feeling a little better, love. Just checking in. I’m here if you need me. I love you.  _

He sent it and put his phone down. He pet Kosmo for a few seconds before checking the phone again. He changed out of his jeans and checked again. A response didn’t come until he went to brush his teeth. 

_ Te amo  _

That was it. Keith couldn’t tell if he was okay, which of course he wouldn’t be with Friday only a couple days away. But Lance had asked for time alone, and Keith wanted to respect that. If that’s what he needed to mourn, he had to respect that. He had to trust Lance would reach out when he needed him. 

He got into bed and started watching a show on his phone to get his mind off of it. 

A couple days went by and Keith didn't hear from Lance. Past the "I love you- te amo" texts in the morning, it was silence. A silence that made sense but still made Keith worry. 

When most of Friday had gone by and Keith still hadn't heard from Lance, he decided to stop by his apartment. Just to be sure he'd eaten or showered or just see his face for a second. To know he was  _ there. _

Keith showed up at his door empty handed. He'd considered flowers or one of Lance's favorite candies, but he wasn't sure Lance would want any of that right now. He knocked on the door and waited, hoping Lance wouldn't mind that he'd gone to see him. 

When the door opened, it wasn't Lance who greeted him. It was Pidge. 

"Hey," she said. 

Keith frowned. "I thought… is he…?" Keith shook his head and tried to gather his thoughts. "Can I come in?" 

He stepped forward, but Pidge stepped out and shut the door behind her. "I don't mean to offend you, Keith, but it's not a good time for you to be here." 

It took a moment for Keith to stifle the frustration that bubbled up in him. He took a breath and crossed his arms. "What does that mean? He's hurting, I'm worried. I thought he wanted to be alone, why are you here?" 

Pidge narrowed her eyebrows, but stayed calm. "He did need to be alone. Now he needs us." 

"So I should be in there with him," Keith said, trying to step past her. He wasn't expecting the firm hand on his shoulder pressing him back. "Pidge-" 

“Just hang on-” The door opened again and Keith saw Hunk with widening eyes. 

"What's going on?" 

"I'm just trying to see Lance-" 

"Oh. That's not a great idea right now, man." 

Keith was getting more agitated by the second. "What the fuck does that mean?" he snapped. 

He noticed Pidge ready to bite back, but Hunk pulled her back. "I've got this. He finally went to shower, but I couldn't find the sweater he likes. Could you look for it?" 

Pidge huffed but went back inside. Hunk looked at him, but Keith didn’t let him say anything. “Man what the fuck is going on? Why are you two acting like fucking bodyguards or some bullshit? He’s my  _ boyfriend,  _ I should be there with him, helping him just like you guys! The fuck does she mean I shouldn’t be here, why is she speaking for him? He can tell me himself!” 

Hunk just let him yell. Let him walk in circles and gesture with frustration. Once Keith’s voice lowered to an agitated grumble, Hunk said, “I thought he did tell you he wanted space.” 

“I- yeah. Like Monday!” 

“So then he would reach out to you, like he did with us today.” 

Today? So Lance hadn’t even talked to them the rest of the week? 

“Why is he pushing me away? I’m worried about him; I haven’t heard more than a response text in the morning from him. He doesn’t tell me how he’s feeling or what he’s doing or what he might need and I…. I don’t know what to do. Why can’t I just go in and see him for a second?” Defeated, Keith thudded against the wall opposite of the door and collapsed to the floor. “Just a text. ‘I’m not okay, but not today.’ Why does he want you here and not me? Is he-”

“Alright, hold on. Breathe,” Hunk said as he moved to sit beside him. Keith tried. 

He hid his face in his hands and tried to breathe and not think about the fact that Lance was a wall away and he wasn’t being  _ allowed  _ to see him. Tried not to get angrier. 

After a while, Hunk spoke again. His voice was soft and sad. “We’re still getting the hang of this. Helping him through this mourning. It’s like going back to the beginning….” Keith lifted his face and stared at the door. “He told us he didn’t want us coming over. That he just wanted to be on his own. Pidge tried to tell him that’s not what he really wanted that he might need support from his family or us or you. But he said he would reach out when he did.” Hunk looked over at Keith, but Keith wouldn’t meet his gaze. “He’s back there today, Keith. He’s back in the hospital. He’s back in her hospital room with that fucking sa-” Hunk’s voice broke and he took a breath. “I tried to make him a sandwich earlier so he’d eat something, and he just… broke down.”

Keith’s heart shattered hearing that. Was Lance eating? Was he functioning at all? What did he do that entire time alone? 

“Do you think he wants his boyfriend with him when his head is in a place like that? Where a sandwich pulled him away from his girlfriend long enough to lose her? Right now he’s reliving that. It’s why he called us at all. We stayed up with him that night, let him cry and scream.” 

“But we were supposed to grow past that. That sense of not being able to have me and her in his head at once. I’m not angry that he still loves her and misses her, he can mourn her with me,” Keith insisted. 

“True, but-” The door opened again and Keith felt his heart leap to his throat. But it was just Pidge stepping back out, her eyes wide and confused at the sight of the two on the floor. Keith looked away, but he heard her slide down to sit on the other wall. “I think he has gotten better at that,” Hunk said. “He doesn’t feel guilty for loving you anymore. For being happy again. But that’s not all this is about. Okay, maybe in a few years the two of you will know how to handle these days, but right now he needs to separate it.” 

“I’m supposed to help him….” 

It was quiet for a moment before Pidge spoke. “While you are his partner… it’s not all always up to you. He has a support system. Some things he needs family for, some things he needs friends for, some things he’ll need you for. And sometimes at different times. Right now, having you in there could make it harder for him to mourn or just make him fall apart more.” 

“Then what do I  _ do _ ?” Keith snapped, his hands in his hair, tugging at the roots to ground himself somehow. 

“This is temporary, Keith,” Hunk said. “This pain he’s in. I told you, we’re still figuring it out.  _ He’s  _ still figuring it out. And I’m sure next year will be different from this year. And so will the year after.” 

“I didn’t mean to say he wasn’t going to need you at all,” Pidge said. “He will. Just not yet. Not today. Don’t you trust him to tell you when he does?” 

“Why won’t he just…?” Keith didn’t finish that question. He knew Lance. He knew the way he felt things. Lance didn’t experience emotions at a moderate level, he experienced them in full. It was something Keith loved about him, possibly one of the first things he’d fallen in love with- the way Lance felt things. 

From an objective standpoint, someone going through grief doesn’t act the way they would if they weren’t, and that was common sense. Any other time, Lance might have reached out more if only to ease Keith’s worries. After all communication was his strong point. 

But it wasn’t fair of Keith to expect that same level of initiative when Lance was in a very different mental space. 

“He loves you, Keith,” Pidge said. “That’s not changing. He wouldn’t have stuck around or come out or introduced you to his family if he wasn’t planning on holding onto you. This is… hard and confusing and messy, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be with you. He just needs….” 

“Some distance,” Hunk finished.

Keith sighed and looked at the ceiling and it’s buzzing fluorescent light. Lance was only asking for the same thing Keith asked for when he was overwhelmed during an argument. Some space. Time to clear his head until he got to a point of talking. Lance just needed more time because it was a different situation. 

“So I should leave,” Keith deduced. The words felt heavy and painful in his mouth. “Just like that?” 

“You should wait for him to tell you when he’s ready to be okay with needing you,” Hunk said. “Or… for when he’s ready to want to need you. That’s a better way to say it I think.” 

Keith bit down hard on the inside of his cheek, trying to ground himself and ignore the knot in his throat. “I know he hasn’t been  _ okay _ , but… how is he?" 

“He’s been needing some prodding to eat. He sleeps a lot but has nightmares. And he cries a lot. He hadn’t showered all week, but he’s in there now,” Pidge said. 

“I’m gonna see if he’s up for dinner. He’s eating small things, he just doesn’t have an appetite,” Hunk said. “We can keep you posted. We’ve been forgetting to text Vero too, but…. Everything’s just a lot right now.” 

Keith nodded. “Okay. Okay. Fuck, okay.” He stood up and leaned against the wall, feeling exhausted. “I’ll…. I’ll…. If there’s anything I can do….” 

“He’ll let you know,” Hunk assured him as he stood. He smiled and squeezed his shoulder. “For right now… we got him.” 

Keith didn’t really have anything to say in response. It felt wrong to leave, but it felt wrong to be there too. He’d gone through so many emotions so quickly that he felt exhausted and on the verge of breaking down. He just nodded and walked away. 

When he got to his car, he let out a shaky sigh and gripped the steering wheel. There was a part of him that was angry and stressed and frantic for answers. It was the part of him that was used to impulsive decisions and short tempers. But that wasn’t the part that needed to be indulged right now. 

He loved Lance. He loved him at his best and he loved him at his worst. This was the worst state Keith had known him yet, and while he was wholly unprepared for it, it didn’t do anything to the love he felt for Lance. He knew that this state wasn’t taking away Lance’s love for him either. His mind just had to be elsewhere. 

Still… even talking through it, Keith didn’t feel better about any of it. He felt useless and he hated that feeling. 

Instead of going straight home, Keith decided to drive around. It gave him something to do besides sit at home and panic. The drive didn’t last long. It was just a few extra loops around the neighborhood until the sun set.

When he got home, Kosmo was asleep in the living room and certain noises were coming from Shiro’s room which made Keith immediately put his headphones in and head for a shower to drown them out. When he was done with his shower, he slinked into his room and whistled for Kosmo, all other noises seemingly over. 

As he got into bed, he checked his phone and immediately jolted back up at the sight of a message from Lance. 

_ Hunk & Pidge said you stopped by. Im sorry. My heads still fuzzy & cant explain now but im sorry. Im so sorry _

Keith took a breath and reread the message. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or annoyed that Hunk and Pidge had told Lance he’d gone over. On the one hand, he was glad they hadn’t kept it from Lance as if Keith had done something bad. On the other, wasn’t this guilt the very thing they were trying to stop from happening by not letting Keith inside? 

Regardless, Keith typed back,  _ Don’t rush your healing. I’ll be here when you’re ready.  _

After a while, another message came in.  _ It means a lot _

Keith bit his lip and sent him a goodnight text. He plugged his phone in and laid in bed, staring at the ceiling as he tried to soothe his own worries. 

The next day, he got more updates from Hunk and Pidge. They let him know when Lance ate something, they told him when they managed to coax him out of the apartment for a drive, that he’d started listening to music again- even if the music made him cry. The day after that, though, he’d asked Hunk and Pidge for space again. Keith wasn’t sure if that was smart, but Hunk and Pidge said he seemed to have a better grasp than he did on Friday. 

On Monday, Keith heard back from the dance studio. He’d been hired to work there in the evenings starting on Thursday because the weekends were their busiest time. On Tuesday, Keith picked up the wedding invitations and had Shiro and Adam help him address the envelopes. 

On Wednesday, just after he went to mail them, he got a call from Lance. 

“Lance?” 

“Are you angry with me?” His voice sounded tired. It was raspy and low and filled with grief and exhaustion. 

“No. No, love, I’m not angry. I’m worried.” 

“I’m so sorry.” His voice shook with the need to cry. “I didn’t mean to fall apart the way I did.” 

“It’s not your fault,” Keith assured him. “You needed to feel things and you did. I just have to wait for when you’re… ready to have me with you for it.” Hunk had something along those lines. 

It was quiet for a moment. “Will you go somewhere with me? Are you at work right now?” 

“Of course. I’m on morning shifts, so I’m free. Do you want me to pick you up?” 

“Yeah. Please.” 

“I’ll be there in half an hour.” Keith hesitated and added, “If you change your mind, you can tell me.” 

“Mm. Okay,” he said softly. “I’ll see you soon.” 

Keith hung up and made his way from the post office to Lance’s apartment. He checked his phone to be sure Lance hadn’t changed his mind, and he went up the steps. He checked his phone again when he was at the door. Then he knocked. 

When the door opened, his heart somehow managed to break and put itself together and break again. Lance didn’t look like himself. He was pale. His hair was messy and had grown out in a way Keith might not have otherwise noticed if he hadn’t gone over a week without seeing him. His eyes were pink, glossy, the skin around them rubbed red and puffy. 

“Lance-”

He’d barely gotten his name out when Lance collided against him, holding him in a tight embrace. He started shaking, his entire body overcome with tremors. Cries and sniffles were muffled into Keith’s shirt. He’d never seen him so broken. He wasn’t sure what to do or say, so he just did his best to hold him together right there in the doorway. 

“Lance, hey, I’m here. I’ve got you, I’m right here,” Keith murmured as he gently prodded him back so he could get inside and close the door. He pulled Lance’s face to his and wiped away his tears as best he could. 

“I didn’t mean to. I promise I didn’t mean to,” Lance sobbed.

Keith simply pulled him back into his arms. “I know that. I know, it’s okay.” Lance shook his head stubbornly, but Keith just held him. He held him until his crying subsided a bit. 

Lance lifted his head, staggering breaths still interrupting him. “I missed you,” he managed to say. 

“I missed you too.” Keith cupped his face and bit his lip. “Is it okay if I kiss you?” 

Lance hesitated before nodding. “A small one.” 

Keith nodded and pressed his lips carefully to Lance’s salty ones. He let his lips close gently against Lance’s bottom lip for a couple seconds before pulling away. Lance kept his eyes closed, trembling in his hands. 

“Where did you want to go?” 

Lance took a deep breath, broken by another frantic double-breath. “Church. I wanted to go to a church.” 

“Oh, okay…. The one your family goes to?” It would be a long drive and it was close to traffic hours, but they could make it before dark if they left soon.

“No, there’s…. I think I’ve seen one down the street from my campus. Is that okay?” 

“Of course,” he answered. He looked down at Lance’s bare feet. “You might want some shoes though, love.” 

“Oh. Yeah. I’ll… be right back.” 

Keith sat down on the couch while Lance went to his room. One of Lance’s old journals was on the table, with a napkin sticking out of it. The picture he’d once shown him of Allura was next to it. Before he could decide to reach for it or lean over to look at it better, Lance came back with shoes on and a shoebox in his hands.  _ The  _ Shoebox. 

“Ready?” Keith asked. Lance nodded. He got up from the couch and followed him out the door. Lance held the box with both hands, and handled it carefully. When they got into the car, his hands acted as a seatbelt for the box. 

When they found the church Lance had mentioned, Lance stared up at it with a strange look on his face. He kept hold of the box, but one hand dropped to find Keith’s. Keith let their fingers interlock and let Lance lead the way in. 

It smelled of incense like the last church Keith had gone into. It was an overwhelming scent, but it wasn’t necessarily strong. Another crucified Jesus. Someone was at the front pew praying. A few candles were lit by the altar. Lance dipped his fingers into a little cup with some suspiciously cloudy water. He made the sign of the cross on himself then took Keith’s hand again and led him to a pew in the back. 

They were quiet for a moment, listening to the creaks of the pews as the handful of people who were there shifted, to the way the whispers of their prayers echoed in the space like an eerie song. 

Then suddenly, Lance said, “You’re allowed to be angry with me. Just because I’m sad doesn’t mean you don’t get to feel angry.” 

Keith turned to him, but his eyes were on the cross at the front. “I’m not though,” he whispered. “I was frustrated because I didn’t know what to do. I was stressed because I hadn’t heard from you. But I’m not angry with you.” 

Lance didn’t say anything for a while. Then he nodded and finally let his gaze fall on Keith. “I thought I might do better this year. Instead, it was worse. I know… I should have explained better, but I didn’t know how to and I still don’t. I just knew that the idea of having you with me felt… like too much. I didn’t want to make you feel bad if I told you Hunk and Pidge were with me on Friday, because I didn’t want you to think…. I don’t know.” Lance frowned and looked at their hands. “I did want you with me. I just felt bad for wanting you. And that made me not want you there. It wasn’t fair to you.” 

“I guess… I just didn’t know what was expected of me. You’d reached out to me when you were upset about her over Christmas, and I thought I needed to be there now too. So when you asked me to give you space, I wasn’t sure for how long or if I should’ve insisted on being with you or….”

Lance shook his head and gripped his hand. 

"Do you feel guilty?" Keith asked after Lance had stayed quiet for a while. "For being with me?" 

Tears filled his eyes as his brows furrowed together. "Yeah," he breathed out. "Because… I'm scared it means I didn't really love her. I'm scared because I don't know what this guilt says about the love I feel for you. Sometimes…." Lance sighed and slouched, putting his head in his hands. "Some days it was really hard to text back when I'd see your message," he began, his voice wavering. "Some days I didn't want to answer. Not because I don't, but because… it made me feel bad. For Allura or for you." Lance cried into his hands and started to hunch into himself. 

Keith put his hand lightly on his shoulder. "I wish I'd known that," he whispered. "Is it still hard to say right now?" 

"A little." 

Keith nodded. "We could go back to te quiero. Or…. This is kind of dumb, but when I was little, one of my first foster dads showed me this other way to say it from far away or when you couldn't talk. Like a code." Lance lifted his head and looked at him. "One four three. And he'd put up numbers with his fingers. For us it could be…. One four three. And to respond just…." Keith held up two fingers then lifted a third. 

Lance managed a small smile. "That's actually really cute," he said. Then he tried the numbers for himself. "One four three." 

"Two three," Keith said. Lance hummed and looked at his hands. “I’m still not angry,” he said, noticing the way Lance’s body kept tightening like he was trying to collapse into himself. 

“Why? Why aren’t you? I shut you out…. I’m telling you I can’t handle a real kiss, that I can’t even say the words, that I feel guilty. I know this hurts you too. And I hate that I’m still doing it.” 

Keith clenched his jaw and forced the knot in his throat down. He reached for Lance’s hands and waited for him to meet his eyes. When it became clear that Lance didn’t want to look up from his shoes, Keith spoke anyway. “Is it okay if I use the word?” Lance frowned, but he nodded. “My love for you isn’t conditional. And I’d like to think it’s pretty resilient. It doesn’t hurt the way you think it does.” Lance’s eyes flickered to him, tears already falling down his cheeks again. “It doesn’t hurt because I think I’m a replacement or because I’m jealous. Not anymore. It hurts because I hate seeing you in pain and if I could, I’d just take it all away, but…. I know you have to feel it all.” He put a hand to Lance’s chin to tilt his head up. “And how could I be upset with you for feeling things? For feeling them in your poetic, Lance way? Especially when that’s one of the first things I fell in love with about you.” 

Lance’s eyes were wide, and his lips were trembling, but he wasn’t pulling away. He just kept crying, holding on to every word Keith said. Keith let the words sink in a bit, taking the time to wipe Lance’s tears with his hands. 

After a while, Keith added, “I think it’s also because of how deeply you feel that I’m… okay. Because you wouldn’t tell me you… y’know… if you didn’t mean it. If you didn’t feel that in a way that runs deep and strong, and I trust that. Even if you can’t say it right now, I know you feel it. And I know there’s some for Allura too, and right now, you need to feel that one a little more.” 

Lance closed his eyes, nodding frantically with a look of agony on his face. With his eyes closed, Keith let his own expression break for a moment. The pain Lance felt was exuded through every part of him until it became tangible for Keith. And it wasn’t just Allura. Lance still thought about Keith, and he still thought about his friends, and who knew what else he was thinking about. Because he held so fucking much in his heart that Keith wasn’t even sure how he carried it all. 

“The fact that you still texted me back as long as you did is more than enough to tell me just how much you care about me,” Keith whispered. “So don’t worry about me. Because I’m not going anywhere. I might need some help figuring out what I need to do and how best to take you through this, but I’m gonna be right here.” 

Lance’s hands moved to Keith’s arms as he curled into him, trying to control his sobs. His grip was tight enough to make him shake as he held onto Keith. 

It seemed crying was a normal part of being at church, because no one seemed concerned or bothered by the echo of Lance’s cries. And it seemed that he wasn’t the only one crying. Keith was certain he could hear another person sniffling and muffling small cries. This seemed to be a place they sought comfort. 

He sat with Lance, holding him a while longer until he was a little more cried out. His grip loosened and he simply rested against Keith with an occasional shaky breath. 

“I’m so tired of crying,” he murmured. “It doesn’t stop. And my eyes hurt.” He wiped his face and sat up. “My face is sticky all the time.” 

“I know, love.” Keith said. “I can bring you a wet paper towel if you want? Churches have bathrooms, right?” 

Lance smiled at that. A real one, that showed his dimple. Keith hadn’t realized how long he’d gone without seeing that dimple until right then, and before he could stop it, his eyes filled with tears at the relief of seeing it again. “Yes, they do. Maybe down there through the entryway.” 

Keith got up and went to the bathroom, forcing the tears in his eyes to go away. He found it easily enough and returned to Lance with a damp paper towel, a dry one, and a wad of toilet paper for his sniffles. Lance hummed and took it all, wiping his face. Then he took a deep breath and sighed, looking tired and worn. 

After taking a seat beside him again, Lance grabbed the shoebox and stared at it. After a while, he looked at Keith and nodded. 

“I remember you wanted to know what was inside. And you’d offered to help me open it. I was wondering if that was still something you wanted to do? Fair warning, I know that there are some pictures of me and her together in here. If you don’t want to, it’s okay. I can do it alone.” 

Keith chewed on his lower lip for a second before nodding. “I want to be here with you.” 

Lance turned toward him and put the box between them. He took a breath and stared at it for a minute. Keith kept his eyes on him while he prepared himself. Then Lance reached out and pulled the lid of the shoebox away. 

There were several papers, photos, and even pieces of jewelry. Lance let out a shaky breath and he let his fingers skim over the photos. They had a grainy sort of appearance, like they were photos taken with phones then printed at a Walgreens. A couple were those new, small polaroids. 

Lance looked at them and took a deep breath that left him in a shaky exhale. “This was the first Christmas we spent as a couple. She gave me the cologne you saw in my bathroom that day.” 

He looked at the photo in Lance’s hands. The two of them bundled up with scarves and beanies and thick jackets so all you could really see was her hair spilling around her shoulders and their faces as they laughed in the middle of a kiss. 

It felt jarring to see Lance kissing someone else. The bitterness Keith used to have to stuff down wasn’t there, just… discomfort. Lance put the photo back inside and looked at the others. There was a silly selfie of the two of them where Allura’s hair covered both their faces because the wind was blowing it. Keith could still see their laughing smiles between the strands, the scrunch of their eyes as they winced. There was one someone had taken of them while they sat, each with a book in their hands. Lance seemed to be looking up as if whoever was snapping the photo had called his name suddenly. Allura was leaning against him, focused on her book. They were both dressed up. 

“Where’d you guys go?” 

Lance smiled sadly. “That was after Ash Wednesday. See the smear on our foreheads?” He sighed. “We actually weren’t dating yet in that one. But my dad kept telling me to buck up and be a man and ask her out already.” Keith hummed and nodded. He looked into the box and skimmed the other contents. “Are you sure this is okay?” Lance asked.

He met Lance’s eyes and smiled sheepishly. “It’s a little strange. But I’m okay.” He pointed inside the box. “What’s with the index card covered in algebra equations?” 

Lance set the photos down and lifted the index card. There were a bunch of sticky notes attached to the other side of it, stacked sloppily over each other. 

“This is from one of the classes we shared for gen ed. She left me a note on it when I wasn’t looking, and I just found it between my study guides.” He peeled the sticky notes off and Keith saw some loopy, round handwriting scrawled across the other side in black marker. 

_ I like the look on your face when you get confused. It’s cute. -Ax _

Keith knew exactly what she was talking about. That scrunch of his eyebrows, the way he pressed his lips together in a slight pout, the way his eyes would squint suspiciously, all topped with a slight tilt of his head. It was fucking adorable. 

“The professor was trying to explain logarithms. I never understood those,” Lance said. He flipped the edges of the sticky notes. “She used to leave me notes in my stuff. In my backpack. Between the pages of my books. In my wallet. Telling me to listen for the birds that day. Things that reminded her of me. Or just to remind me that… she loved me.” He traced the loops of her writing and pressed his other hand to his eyes. 

He took a moment to pull himself together, placing the stack of notes back inside the box. While Lance breathed, Keith noticed the glint of a chain and a bracelet. The cross on the chain and the little infinity sign on the bracelet were the same as the ones Allura had been wearing in the photos. He could see them clearly on a small polaroid of Allura laying out in the sun- the very same cross and bracelet. 

“She really loved you,” Keith said softly. 

Lance looked over at him and managed a nearly imperceptible nod. “I miss her. And it just sucks that… this isn’t the kind of missing someone where you know you can drive a few hours to see them or just wait a few months to be with them. It’s permanent. There’s no possibility at all and I can’t do anything about it.” As he spoke, his voice broke more and more between whispers, some words barely distinguishable. “And when that reality hits me I just feel… so powerless and small.” 

Seeing Lance break down further, Keith got up and moved to the other side of Lance so he could wrap his arms around him. Lance pressed his hands to Keith’s chest. 

At first, Keith thought Lance was trying to push him back. That he might need space. But when Keith started to let him go, Lance’s body curled further into him. His palm pressed against his chest, seeking something. Seeking Keith’s heartbeat. Lance’s face tucked into the curve of his neck. 

They stayed that way for a long time. Keith let his finger twirl an unruly lock of hair by his ear, his other arm wrapped around Lance and gently skimming his fingers over him back. Lance kept his hand at Keith’s chest, occasionally pressing harder, occasionally letting his hand slip before settling back in place. 

Eventually, Lance lifted his head. “I’m gonna pray a little,” he said with a tired, raspy voice. “Then we can go back. If you’d rather wait in the car, you can.” 

Keith hummed and looked around at whoever was left still praying. “Can you show me how? Teach me one of the prayers you like so I can do it with you?” 

Lance’s eyes went wide, making the blue iris look resplendent. “Oh. Well…. I mean there are prayers, but…. Usually, I just kneel and talk to God. Like a conversation.” 

“Do you… hear answers?” Keith asked. He wondered if that was some divine thing that only some people got or if it was based on one of the religious ceremonies they did. Or if it was a subconscious kind of thing.

Lance chuckled softly. “No, not actual answers. It’s just a feeling. Like…. Okay. I’ll teach you how I do it, but if you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it.” Keith nodded. Lance pulled down something at the bottom of the pew, exposing a cushion for them to kneel. 

He got to his knees, so Keith followed suit. “You don’t have to close your eyes or clasp your hands, but for me, it helps me focus,” he whispered. “I always start with the sign of the cross. My abuelita told me it was like… dialing a phone when you did that. And then you start talking. In your head, you just hold a conversation.” He took a breath and settled his elbows on the back of the pew, eyes closed as he leaned his head against his interlocked hands.

Keith watched him, fascinated by the certainty of his movements. The routine. He could tell that this was second nature to Lance. There was no question about whether God would answer. No question about why he positioned himself the way he did. No question as to where to begin. No doubt about what to do. It was all just ingrained in him, it all just made sense. 

“You can start by the things bothering you or hurting you. The stuff you don’t have answers to.” 

“Like, ask him to fix it?” Keith asked. 

Lance opened his eyes. “Not exactly. At least the way I was taught is that it’s like… you ask for help figuring something out. For help in doing better. You ask for enlightenment and help finding the path to the answer. Not the answer or solution itself.” 

Furrowing his eyebrows, Keith asked, “God is all powerful, right? So why not just ask him to fix it?” 

Lance managed a small crooked smile. “Because it’s a two way street. You put in your effort and God leads you through it.” Keith nodded. “You can also just talk about things you’re grateful for. You can ask for Him to help others. Or just talk about your day. I used to ask for help on test days.” 

That made Keith smile.Then he nodded and mimicked Lance’s position. He did the sign of the cross, looking at Lance for confirmation about the order of the shoulders. Lance nodded, and smiled a little wider. 

“When you’re done, just do the same and sit back. In case you’re done before me. It doesn’t have to be long.” 

Keith looked back at the person at the pew who had been there since before they’d arrived at the church. They were still praying. So it seemed like a timeless thing. 

He still wasn’t entirely sure about how to start, but Lance had already honed his focus in and bowed his head. Keith had prayed before, but he couldn’t remember much about it. It had only been a night prayer and a prayer before eating. He was really little, so the words eluded him. Since then, most of the homes he’d gone to weren’t very religious. There had been one other, but Keith hadn’t lasted there at all. 

He peeked up at the cross and tried not to let it unsettle him as he began. 

_ Okay…. I’m Keith. I guess you know that.  _

If he was honest, he felt kind of ridiculous. He glanced over at Lance. His lips were moving, the sounds of the letter s slipping through, while everything else became an incomprehensible muttering. His fingers moved as if he wanted to gesture. 

Keith took a breath and tried to refocus, closing his eyes. 

_ I don’t know if you’ll listen to someone who’s not religious. But the guy next to me having a very serious conversation with you? He really has a lot of faith in all this. So if you’re real… and if you’re listening… help him. Help him mourn and help him heal and help him enjoy being happy.  _

Suddenly, Keith didn’t need to think so much about it. Because he was praying for Lance. And that was easy. It was easy to want good things for him. He listed the things he hoped Lance could be helped with. He even tried asking for help in being a good enough person for Lance to go to for help. At some points he got confused with the way his thoughts jumbled over each other, but he figured it wouldn’t be too confusing to a higher power. 

_ I love him. And Lance told me once that we wouldn’t have met if it wasn’t part of your plan for us or whatever. And I want him to be happy. Help me make him happy. Uh- please.  _

He figured a please was necessary when talking to a celestial being. He tacked on a wish for God to watch over his family and friends before making a cross on himself again, mixing up the shoulder order that time before sitting back. 

In the moment, he hadn’t felt silly. Now that he was sitting back and had taken his surroundings in a little more, he did. He felt like maybe he’d been talking to himself the whole time. Besides, if he didn’t even believe in anything in particular, who was to say his prayer was considered? 

He messed with the hem of his shirt until Lance sat back. He gathered the things from the shoebox and closed the lid. Then he looked at Keith and tilted his head. “What made you want to pray with me?” 

Keith shrugged. "It makes you feel better when you pray, and I thought maybe I could try it with you. I don’t know if I did it right, but if you don’t want to pray alone, I wouldn’t mind doing it with you. I know it’s important to you. And… well, you're important to me.” 

Lance let out a disbelieving little scoff. Then he put a finger under Keith’s chin and kissed him lightly on the lips for a couple seconds before pulling away. 

Keith gulped and chuckled nervously. “Uh. Is that allowed in a church?” 

“Well, it didn’t feel wrong, “ Lance whispered. He held out his hand. “Let’s get back. I’m kind of tired.” 

Keith put his hand in Lance's and followed him out of the church. They walked back to the car in silence. Keith pulled out of the parking lot and drove for a while before Lance spoke again. 

"You don't react the way you used to." 

The comment confused Keith, so he just raised an eyebrow and looked at Lance. He waited for an explanation. Lance seemed to be trying to find the words. 

"Before, you'd stumble on her name. Or it just seemed like it was harder to talk for you when it was about her. You were patient and nice about it still, so it never felt mean, but…. I don't know. I guess I could tell that it…." 

"Made me jealous?" Keith filled in. Lance nodded. "It did," he admitted. "But I didn't want that getting in the way of you being able go be open with me."

"And now?" Lance asked. "You're not jealous anymore. I can tell by the way you speak and react. When did that change?" 

He made a mental note to ask what nuances exactly tended to give him away so easily. It was both unnerving and flattering that Lance was able to pick up on his habits and moods so easily. 

He thought for a moment about how to answer. Because frankly, he wasn't entirely sure either. 

"Well, it got easier over time. It was still pretty new information when you first called me to talk about her over break. And afterwards, I just wanted to be absolutely sure I was gonna be okay about it before dating you." He pulled into the apartment complex and parked the car. Then he turned to Lance to finish explaining. "I liked you too much to give up on what we had. Which meant I was gonna figure out a way to handle everything with Allura eventually. And then I met your siblings. And your parents." 

Lance listened, scrunching his eyebrows in confusion. Keith smiled and smoothed out the furrow as he continued. 

"I guess…. Okay, you know how I said you feel things really deeply which is why I don't doubt what you feel for me?" He nodded. "I realized that me being scared that I'm sharing you didn't make sense. Because everything that we have, we built from nothing. You don't have a certain amount of love you're allowed to give out, it just…." Keith huffed and sat back trying to figure out how to word it so it made sense. "Our love was created from us and you're giving it to me in it's full capacity. And the love you created with her is still there but it's not taking anything from ours." He frowned and looked over at Lance. "Does that make sense?" 

Lance nodded slowly. "Yeah. Yeah, it does." He took a breath. "So you're okay?" 

Keith chuckled and shook his head. " _ You're _ asking  _ me _ that?" Lance shrugged. "I am. I really am, Lance. I feel better now that I've gotten a chance to see you." 

Lance nodded slightly. "Me too. Plus being at church. I feel… not as heavy." He bit his lip and took a moment before asking, "Are you busy tomorrow?" 

"I work at the bookstore in the morning. Then I'm heading over to that dance studio I told you about. They hired me.” 

“Wait really? When?” Lance asked. His voice picked up a bit more life from the surprise. 

“They told me Monday. I start tomorrow. They close at eight, though. I could come see you then?”

“I’ll come to you. I need to get out of my apartment.” Keith nodded and took his hand. Lance took a breath and leaned against him. “I’m happy you got the job. You’re gonna have a lot of fun working there. Lots of people are gonna have a crush on their new dance teacher.” Keith laughed at that, but Lance sat up and poked his side. “I’m serious! You’re gonna go in there and smile, and they’re gonna be whipped. Then they’re gonna see you pull your hair up and they’re gonna think, ‘ah shit, he’s cute.’ But then when you start dancing? Half of them are gonna fall in love with you right there. I gotta be ready for competition.” 

“Nah,” Keith said. “I’ll be talking about you any chance I get. Plus, no one can compete with you. You’ve got way too much of a head start.” He turned Lance’s face to him. “One four three?” 

The smile that hadn’t quite been a smile yet got bigger, allowing Lance’s dimple to show as he whispered back, “Two three.” 

The way Lance stayed in place instead of getting out of the car and inviting him in told Keith that he probably wanted to go inside alone. Which was fine, he just wanted Lance to know he could  _ say  _ that. “What can I do? To help you?” 

Lance hummed and shifted in his seat as he looked out the window shield. “Be patient with me. I feel a little better now, and I’ve missed spending time with you, but…. I don’t know what days will be harder.” 

Keith nodded. “I can do that.” He looked up at the complex then at Lance. “You don’t want me to stay, right?” 

A crimson color filled Lance’s face as he looked down at his hands. He managed a small shake of his head. “Not yet.” 

“Okay. Can I walk you to your door?” 

“You don’t have to do that-”

“Ah-ah.” Keith shook his head. “You’re the one who said you have to walk someone to their door after a date.” 

Lance chuckled and shook his head. “I’d hardly call this a date.” 

Keith shrugged. “Even so.” He tilted his head and smiled shyly. “Can I walk you to your door?” 

Tired blue eyes settled on him. He gave a nervous little nod. “Yeah, I’d like that,” he said softly. 

So Keith turned the car off and got out with him. He walked with him up the stairs and down the hall to his door in silence, their hands brushing but never catching. It didn’t feel distant though. Keith didn’t need his hand held to know Lance wanted him at his side. He just needed that small smile that met him when Lance opened the door and turned to face him.

“Thank you for today. For everything,” Lance said. 

“You don’t have to thank me. You know I’d do anything for you.” 

His eyes skimmed Keith’s face for a second before he turned away. He put the box down on the table and turned back to Keith at the doorway. His hands moved to cup Keith’s face gently and tentatively. Keith stayed still, letting Lance move at the pace he needed. His eyes fell to Lance’s lips. He felt his breath before he felt his mouth. 

It was a gentle press and Keith reciprocated it. But Lance’s fingers dug into him a bit, his feet scooted to stand closer. He tilted his head and parted his lips, waiting for Keith to mirror him. When Keith did, the kiss deepened just a fraction. It was enough to make Keith feel dizzy. Enough to make him want more. 

His tongue swiped along Lance’s lip and he pulled him closer by his torso before he realized he’d taken the kiss past what Lance had controlled. Keith pulled away, angry with himself. “Shit, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.”

“It’s okay,” Lance breathed. He tilted Keith’s face back up and imitated his scowl. “Don’t pout. It’s okay.” He kissed his nose and smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Keith nodded and stepped back, smiling at him as he closed the door. He walked back down to his car before he got a text. 

_ Look up.  _

Keith frowned and turned back to the building. He saw Lance at his bedroom window, pulling the curtain back. He held up a finger, then four, then three. Keith smiled and held up two then three. The curtain fell back and Keith got into his car to head home. 

\--

The following day, before he went to the dance studio, he stopped by Alexa’s job. It was empty, just before the lunch break rush. He went up to the register where Alexa was standing, dumping coins into the register. 

“Welcome to Taco Cabana, will you be-” She looked up and cut herself off. Keith was shocked to see the dark circles under her eyes, as if she hadn’t slept since he last saw her. She looked exhausted. “Oh. Hey.” 

“Really? You ghost me for weeks and you say hey?” 

“I’m not ghosting you,” she said. “What are you ordering?” 

“I’m not. I figured this is the only way I’m going to get a chance to talk to you.” Alexa scowled and crossed her arms. “I thought you said we were friends.” 

“Yeah, a friend would respect my fucking privacy.” 

Keith sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Alexa, I saw the video of your performance. Whatever you told Veronica-”

“Veronica needs to stay the fuck out of my business.”

Keith huffed. “Can we please just talk? I just want to be sure you’re okay. And I’m kind of tired of not knowing what to do when it comes to people I care about.” 

Alexa stared at him for a second before clenching her jaw. “You know I don’t like that mushy bullshit.” 

“Yeah, me neither, but here I am,” he snapped. 

Alexa shut her eyes then looked down at the register’s screen. “Fine. I’ll talk to you tomorrow night. All the construction workers from the highway are about to come in though, and I don’t have time for this now.” 

There was no way Keith could be sure she’d actually meet up with him, but he figured he had to trust that she believed him. That whatever had pushed her to create the dance she created would also push her to talk about it with him. So he nodded and awkwardly tapped on the counter. “Okay. Then I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

He walked away, unsure of whether he’d done enough. 

\---

Working at the dance studio was exciting. There were so many people dedicated to the classes and with a bigger number of dancers, it just gave Keith a sense of amazement. That many people moving in sync gave him chills. The group wasn’t as close as his old dance group. Being small in number meant everyone knew each other pretty well and even if they didn’t know everything about everything, there was an underlying sense of caring about each other. That wasn’t the case so much here. Everyone seemed to have their group. 

Keith could also tell who thought of themselves as some gift from heaven to the world of dance. It was clear in their faces and the way they would react if Keith complimented them. That smug, cocky smirk that screamed,  _ I know I’m good.  _ It went past confidence, and frankly it made Keith a little frustrated. 

And Lance had been right. As soon as he’d been introduced as a co-instructor, he could see various curious eyes flit to him with interest and in some cases, hunger. Mostly women. It was easy for Keith to tell when a woman was interested because they had a way of batting their eyes and finding excuses to touch his arm or shoulder in ways nobody ever did in a normal situation. 

There was only one guy who seemed to keep staring at him, subtler than the girls. His eyes would flit away when Keith looked over at him, and it was almost exactly the same manner of back and forth nervous glances that Keith had noticed Lance give him when they first met. 

That day, Keith only watched, helping whoever couldn’t figure out a particular move. He still had to learn the dance before he could take more charge, but even so it was fun just to watch and be part of it. 

When everyone was leaving, a few people stopped to say goodbye to him and tell him they were excited for him to be working with them. Meanwhile Keith was hoping to leave soon because he wanted to be sure he was home whenever Lance got to his house. 

Once he managed to leave, he couldn’t seem to make it home fast enough. Logically, he knew Lance wouldn’t even be there yet, but still. 

As he pulled into the driveway, he was surprised to see someone who wasn’t Lance at his doorstep. 

Roland. 

Keith got out of the car, keeping his eyes on Roland. Was he beat up again? He could’ve gone to Hunk’s though. As far as Keith knew they were still rooming together. Except he wasn’t beat up. That much was clear when his head snapped up at the sound of the car door. 

“Hi,” he called. The one syllable carried anxiety and uncertainty. 

“Hey,” Keith responded. “Everything okay?” 

“No,” he responded immediately. Keith arched an eyebrow and unlocked the front door. “I’m freaking out.” 

“I gathered as much.”

Roland didn’t even have a comeback for that. He just followed Keith inside and started pacing while Kosmo sniffed the new person. “So remember that guy from the bar? Lance’s friend from high school?” 

“Kinkade, yeah.” Roland hesitated and kept pacing. His cheeks were bright red, and Keith narrowed his eyes. “Wait…. Yeah,” he said slowly, a little suspiciously. “What happened?” 

“He asked me out on a date,” Roland answered, his words fumbling over each other. “Like a real one.” 

“What’d you say?” Keith asked, suddenly invested and amused. 

But Roland was panicking. He didn’t look happy, he looked terrified. He didn’t have his beanie, and he kept raking his hands through his hair over and over. “Man, what the hell do I say? I’m still….” He gestured frantically at nothing then put both hands into his hair as he groaned. 

“Okay, I’m confused. So if you’re not interested in Kinkade, then just say no.” 

Silence. Pacing. Then Roland stood still and turned to Keith. “I am though. I am interested, but….” He took a deep breath and rubbed his face. “I’m gonna fuck it up. I don’t wanna fuck it up.” 

“How are you going to fuck it up? Don’t fuck it up if you don’t want to fuck it up.” 

“But what if I do anyway?” Roland asked. “What if-” 

There was a knock at the door that had Kosmo running toward it and barking, tail wagging excitedly. Keith went to answer it and saw Lance at the door. He was in jeans and a tank top. His hair wasn’t as unruly, but he still looked tired and there was a lingering bit of sadness in his eyes even when he smiled. 

“Hey,” he greeted. 

“Hey, love,” Keith said softly. “Come in.” 

Lance stepped in and saw Roland standing by the TV, crouched into himself. Roland furrowed his eyebrows. “Hey, dude. You alright, you look like shi- oh shit, that’s right. Ignore me, I’m an idiot. I forgot.” 

“Hmm. Hunk told you,” Lance said with a small smile. Roland nodded. “It’s cool. You look like shit too.” 

“Fair enough.” 

“Kinkade asked Roland out and Roland’s interested but hasn’t said yes. He’s freaking out,” Keith said to catch Lance up. 

“Why are you freaking out?” 

Roland scoffed and started pacing again. “I don’t know if you guys have noticed, but dating isn’t exactly my forte! Okay, I tend to fuck people over, and it’s…. I don’t-” Roland sighed and slumped into the couch. “I don’t want to do that to someone again.” 

His voice had become small, and Keith realized what he was getting at. He sat beside him and interlocked his hands in his lap. “You mean what happened with you and me,” Keith said, putting it out in the open. 

Roland winced as his eyes darted to Lance then back at the floor. Lance had taken a seat on the other couch and remained quiet, listening. 

“You. But also Iliana. You know, it wasn’t… fair of me to drag her into my problems. To make her think I wanted to be with her when I knew I didn’t. And what I did to you was just….” 

“Fucked up?” Keith offered. “Yeah, we’ve been over that. But things are also different now. You’re living somewhere else, somewhere safer. You’re out- at least out to us.”

“And the entirety of Smiley’s,” Lance added from the couch. 

Keith nodded in agreement. “You’re not going to fuck him over. You just have to trust him with the good stuff and bad stuff.” 

“Wait, did you give him an answer?” Lance asked. 

Roland shook his head. “I said I had to think about it, panicked, and came here. Hunk would tell me to go for it, I know that. Alexa would tell me to do what I want. And yeah, okay, I want to say yes, but….” Roland groaned and put his hands on the back of his neck to duck his head. “What if I’m really excited to say yes now but then I freak out and then I want him to go away and then I hurt him and then-”

“Okay, okay,” Keith said. “So tell him that. Maybe you aren’t ready for anything official, but you want to try, right?” Roland grimaced. “Tell him that. Just explain that you’re still a little panicked about being out to the world. I’m sure he’d understand that. You’ll just have to take it slowly.” 

“Okay, yes, but….” Roland was really curling into himself, doing anything to make himself smaller. “What if I’m always going to feel panicked? What if… what if no matter what, I do something shitty and hurt him? What if I’m always scared? Or if slow isn’t slow enough?” He looked at Keith, opening his mouth to say something more before closing his mouth and looking at Lance.

Lance seemed to understand that and asked, “Can I take Kosmo to play fetch in the backyard?” Keith nodded, and Lance grabbed one of Kosmo’s toys before whistling for him to go outside. Once the sliding door closed, Keith looked at Roland again. 

His eyes were getting watery and he had an anguished expression on his face. “I’m not… brave like you. Or Lance. Or Ryan. Or Alexa. Okay, I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay with holding his hand in public. My instinct is still to hide. I hurt you in so many ways, Keith. Not just in leaving, but in what we had. I wasn’t as invested as you because I was terrified. I know it hurt being with me, and I know it hurt when I turned my back on you. All of that was me being a coward, and I’m…. I don’t want to do it to anyone else.” He wiped his eyes angrily and scoffed at himself. “And I know we’re cool now, but I don’t think I’m very different-”

“Stop.” Keith’s voice was sharp enough to make Roland freeze. 

It wasn’t the trip down memory lane. It wasn’t the fact that Roland had reopened a can they could never seem to keep closed. That was surprisingly okay- and maybe that was because they spoke about it differently. Roland spoke about it differently. It wasn’t a what-if they were curious about, it was just a piece of past they shared. A piece of past that followed them and how they reacted now. 

What made Keith get upset was the way Roland was completely dismissing everything that had changed since he showed up at Keith’s window. 

“You  _ are  _ different, Rolo. I get it if you don’t see it, but….” Keith sighed and stood up. “Ro, you’re not under your dad’s thumb anymore. You don’t have to hide with us. I get it if the rest of the world is still too scary, but the whole point is talking to  _ Kinkade  _ about that. Trust me, you’re gonna be able to move past that. You were able to come out to an entire bar-”

“They were all gay, that was a safe space,” Roland interrupted. 

“And I’m not saying that to be entirely out you need to announce it to the world. You just have to tell the people you trust and want in your life. I’m pretty sure Benny wouldn’t care, and I know you care about him more than anyone.” 

“He likes Ryan….” Keith raised an eyebrow, and Roland shrugged. “We were doing this project for his portfolio and my mom called me and said I could have Benny for the day. So Ryan set up this whole photo op with me and Benny and…. Yeah. Benny thinks he’s super cool. He just wanted to know if he had a motorcycle too.” 

Keith laughed at that and sat back down. “You’re smiling,” he noted. “You started smiling talking about that.” Roland buried his face in his hands and let out a long breath. Keith frowned and touched his shoulder. “I forgave you, Rolo. For what happened with us. I’m happy now. And I like us as friends. You should forgive yourself and give yourself a chance to be happy. You can take it at the best pace for you, you just gotta tell him about it. And I think he likes you enough to be okay with figuring it out with you.” Roland peeked up at Keith, still doubtful. “What screwed us over was not talking,” Keith said. “I didn’t tell you when I wasn’t happy and you didn’t tell me about what was going on in your head. If you don’t want to make that mistake again, then don’t.” 

Without another word, Roland leaned into Keith and wrapped his arms around him. The last time he’d hugged Keith, it had felt like something with too many layers under it to be comfortable. Like something wrong and stolen. Now, it just felt like he needed support. Needed confirmation that things were different. Different from when they dated. Different from when Keith hated him. He just needed Keith’s friendship. 

“I really wanna try,” Roland said softly. “Because I like him a lot.” 

Before Keith could answer, he heard footsteps and Shiro’s voice down the hall as he sang something from the radio. In the time it took him to show up in the living room, Roland had scampered to the other end, far from Keith and far from where Shiro stood frozen. An immediate look of distaste coated his features as he looked from Roland to Keith. 

“Hey,” Keith said awkwardly. “Roland needed advice.” 

“Uh-huh,” Shiro said. Keith gave him a reprimanding look. Shiro sighed and managed the fakest smile Keith had ever seen. “Hi,” he said to Roland. Then he turned to the kitchen, grabbed a soda and a bag of chips, then turned back to the hallway to go to his room. 

Roland looked at Keith like a deer in headlights. “I didn’t even think about him being home.” 

“I told him to be nice. We’re friends. And as your friend, I’m telling you to suck it up and talk to Kinkade. You’re not going to make the same mistakes again. Because you’ve got friends to call you out on it.” Keith walked over to him and grabbed him by the shoulders. “Go. Talk. To. Him.” 

“Okay. Okay, yeah. I will.” He nodded, as if reassuring himself.

Keith laughed and crossed his arms. “I meant now, Ro.” 

“Right! Yes! I’m… I will. I’m gonna. Okay.” He nodded again and walked to the front door with Keith behind him. “I just gotta explain. And… it’s okay to tell him about you?” Keith nodded with a solemn smile. “Okay….” Roland turned to face him and hugged him again. “Thanks, Keith. For all of this. For being my friend after everything.” 

“You’re a good person, Rolo. You’re allowed to be happy.” 

His arms tightened around Keith for a few seconds before he pulled away. “I’ll try,” he promised. “Thank you. And thank Lance for me. I feel bad that he’s been outside because I had a breakdown.” 

Keith laughed and nodded, waving as Roland went to his car and drove away. He shut the door then went to the backyard where Lance was jumping around with Kosmo, getting him to chase after the toy in his hand. 

“Oh where’d it go?” he asked. “Where is it? I don’t have it.” Kosmo tilted his head then hopped up, pressing his paws against Lance’s chest and making him stumble back. “Okay, okay, I lied. Ready? Go!” Lance threw it across the yard and Kosmo dashed after the squeaky toy. 

Lance smiled after him, and Keith felt a wave of relief and affection wash over him at the sight. He walked over and wrapped his arms around Lance’s torso, making him jump slightly. 

Keith pulled back and winced, berating himself for forgetting. “Shit. Sorry. I should’ve asked.” 

Lance turned to face him. There was a little more color in his cheeks, maybe from exertion that was different from crying. “Just surprised me, that’s all,” Lance said. “Did Roland leave already?” 

Keith nodded, letting his hands rest lightly on Lance’s arms, keeping him close without getting too close. “He’s off to talk to Kinkade to communicate his feelings.” 

“Look at you giving relationship advice,” he answered with a proud smile. “I hope it works out. I think he needs to see that it’s okay for him to be himself.” He threaded his hands into Keith’s slowly. “How was your first day at the dance studio?” 

The question made Keith laugh nervously which only made Lance raise an eyebrow. “It was good. Really cool to be there. A little intense with how many dancers there are, but it was good.” Lance hummed and looked at him suspiciously. “I just… it’s kind of funny because you were right. People were flirting.” 

“Ah, see I  _ told  _ you!” Lance said with a smirk. 

Keith rolled his eyes and shrugged. “Well, trust me, I will jump at the chance to tell them I’m happily taken by a beautiful boy with blue eyes and a poet’s heart.” Lance smiled and ducked his head, hiding into Keith’s shoulder. 

They moved to sit on the lawn chairs, seeing as Kosmo had decided to take a break from running by slumping under the shade of a tree as he chewed his toy. Lance laid with his eyes closed and his face tilted toward the sky, catching what was left of the sunlight. 

“What’d you do today?” Keith asked, sitting to face him. 

“I showered when I woke up. Watched sitcoms so I could let myself laugh a little more. And I started checking out some places to work at. I’ve been slacking so much and I’m almost out of my savings, so I gotta snap out of it. I also called my mom and Vero. They were wondering if I was going to visit.” 

Keith’s eyes fell to the ink smears on Lance’s hands, but he didn’t make a comment. “Are you?” 

“Yeah. Once I regain the weight I lost. If Mami sees me like this she’s gonna go nuts. Hunk already offered to feed me until I get hired somewhere.” He looked at Keith and furrowed his eyebrows. “Thanks for not looking at me like I’m broken all the time,” he said suddenly. 

It wasn’t something Keith was expecting. He wasn’t really sure what he meant. His confusion must have been on his face because Lance went on to explain. 

“I mean… you look worried. Which I get, I mean I’ve been a mess and neither of us were prepared for it. But you never looked at me with the desperation I’m used to people looking at me with. Like they just see me shattered in pieces and can’t figure out how to put me back together. You’ve just been listening and letting me experience whatever I’m feeling.” He shrugged. “I know Hunk and Pidge love me and mean well, but they don’t seem to get that they  _ can’t  _ fix anything. That I just kind of gotta… make it through to the other end.” 

“Oh. Well, I mean, it doesn’t feel right when you don’t smile or crack a joke. But remember how I wanted to know all parts of you? Including the sad ones you usually like to hide? Well, you’re showing it to me. I’m not gonna make you feel like you have to rush through the feelings.” He reached out and raked his fingers through his hair. “One, four, three.” 

Lance shut his eyes and smiled at the feeling of Keith’s hand in his hair. “Two, three.” 

\--

Working at both the bookstore and the dance studio left Keith tired, but he tried to keep his energy up so he could meet with Alexa. She had agreed to meet with him at a community park where people went to run and let their kids play on jungle gyms. He took Kosmo with him, and sat near a basketball court until she arrived. 

He scrolled through his phone, sending Lance funny posts and pictures while he waited and laughing at the ones Lance sent him. He hadn’t heard from Roland since he left the house the day before, but he figured he’d ask for an update on that later. He needed to take everything a step at a time. 

“Hey.” He looked up to see Alexa in her work shirt but without the cap. Her hair was loose and limp around her face, somehow accenting the exhaustion in her features. She looked skittish, like she was making sure she had a way to leave if their talk was too much. “What’s your dog’s name again?” 

“Kosmo.” 

She nodded and held her hand out. Kosmo sniffed it then licked it as he plopped by her feet and nudged his head under her palm for pets. “Cute.” She looked at Keith and let out a nervous breath. “Okay. So what now?” 

Keith scooted over for her to sit. She did, though a bit reluctantly. “This is gonna be a stupid question, but it’s what I can start with. Are you alright?” 

Alexa kept petting Kosmo, keeping her eyes away from him. “I’ve been worse,” she answered. 

“What’s… going on? Did you break up with Eva?” 

“No,” she said. “We’re still together. She’s been in Canada with some friends though. She’s doing some travel thing for the summer.” 

“Do you miss her? Is that why you’re upset?” 

She snorted and shook her head. “No, that’s not….” She sighed and slumped back. “Honestly, it doesn’t feel like a big difference. She’s gone and we talk on the phone sometimes, but I’m busy anyway, so.” She clenched her jaw and finally looked Keith in the eyes. “What’d Veronica tell you?” 

“Not a lot. She just told me to watch out for you and check up on you. To make sure you were okay because you needed help. She didn’t say why. What’d you tell her?” 

“Too much, apparently,” she muttered. “I was overwhelmed, man. She showed up with these huge eyes full of tears and she just kept rambling and I needed to shut her up so I said too much.” She groaned and rubbed her face. “I’m fine. I’m gonna be fine. I’m gonna go to some meetings.” 

“Meetings….” Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “What like group therapy?” 

She curled her lip as she glared at the field across from them. “Something like that.” 

Keith thought back to the video Veronica had sent him. He’d seen Alexa rehearse so much that the song faded to background noise from how often he heard it. But after seeing the video, he paid more attention to the lyrics. Paid more attention to the way Alexa and James moved while performing.

Before he could ask anything else, a little girl walked up to them with a shy smile. “Hi. Can I pet your dog?” 

“Yeah. Just let him sniff your hand first so he doesn’t get scared.” 

The girl held out the hand that wasn’t holding a small bunch of plucked flowers. Kosmo sniffed her hand before licking it and wagging his tail as he stepped closer. The girl giggled and ruffled the fur at his neck. “He’s so cute. What’s his name?” 

“Kosmo,” Keith answered. 

“Hello, Kosmo.” She grinned when Kosmo licked her hand again. Then she looked at Keith and smiled wider. “Thank you.” 

“I like your flowers,” Alexa said with a soft voice. 

The girl somehow managed to smile even wider. “Thank you! Here, you can have one.” She pulled one apart from the bunch and handed it over to Alexa.

“Oh. Thank you,” she said. 

The little girl waved and walked back to her mom, asking if she saw the puppy and if they could get one too. 

When Keith looked at Alexa, there were tears in her eyes as she stared at the small flower in her hand. He wasn’t sure what to say. It was the first time he’d seen her cry, and he didn’t want her to shut down. 

It seemed she wasn’t able to stop herself though. The tears fell down her cheeks and she clenched her hand around the flower before putting her fist against her chest. “I’m so tired,” she whispered. The sound of her soft cries pulled Kosmo from the ground as he placed his head on Alexa’s lap. “Do you remember being that old? That pure? When does that shit change? When do we become this?” She ducked her head as her shoulders shook. “There was a time when our life revolved around petting dogs and picking flowers and smiling at anyone who was nice to you. Now we’re stuffing ourselves with whatever we can to make it through the day because everyone around us is shit and I’m so fucking tired all of the time. I’m tired of it, and I’m tired of the fact that I can’t handle it alone.” 

“You don’t have to handle it alone. You’ve got a family, you’ve got friends-”

“My family is my mom who bails on me when shit gets too hard and a sister who disappears until she needs money,” she snapped. “And that’s not what I mean anyway.” 

“Then what do you mean?” 

Alexa scowled and turned away. Keith felt the answer in his gut. In the way Alexa had been carrying herself, looking back on the way she was behaving near the end of the semester, in the way she spoke. He was afraid to confirm it, but it seemed Alexa didn’t want to either. 

“If you don’t want to go home, you can stay with me,” Keith offered. “My brother usually stays with his fiancé, so it’d just be me. You can take my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.” 

Alexa snorted. “What, sleep on the bed you and Lance probably fucked like bunny rabbits on? No thanks,” she said. Keith blushed, but before he could say anything she added, “I’ll take the couch.” 

Keith didn’t want to point out the fact that Shiro and Adam had their own fun on that godforsaken couch. Besides, he would give her clean blankets so she wouldn’t have to worry about that. “We’ve unlocked a friendship level. We really are friends.” 

Alexa wiped her eyes and glared at him. “Don’t push it.” Keith smiled. “I have the evening shift today, so I need to get going. I’m out by one in the morning, so should I text you…?” 

“Yeah, I’ll be awake at that time,” he said. “I’ll have the couch set up for you.” 

She nodded. She put the flower inside a plastic screen in her wallet. “I should get going. Bye, Keith.” He waved at her as she started to walk away. 

Once she was out of sight, Keith sent Shiro a message letting him know that Alexa needed to stay at their place that night. Then he sent Lance a text asking if he could go over for a bit. 

The second he made it to Lance’s apartment, Keith collapsed on the couch. “I’m exhausted,” he said. 

Lance nudged his shoulder so he could lift his head. Then he sat down and let Keith settle his head on his lap. His fingers began to comb through his hair gently. “You talked with Alexa today, right?” Keith nodded. “Is she okay?” 

“I don’t think so. But she’s staying at my place tonight after work.” Lance hummed. “How was your day?” 

“Ah-ah,” Lance chided. “This is about you.” He looked down at Keith with a smile. “You’ve had to help a lot of people back to back these last few days.” 

“You, Alexa, and Roland? They’re my friends, and you’re my boyfriend-” 

“It can still be tiring, mi vida,” Lance whispered. 

The sound of the pet name falling from his lips made Keith’s heart jump. He’d missed the sound of that so badly, and he hadn’t even realized it. He let the words stay in the air, paired with that gentle movement of his hand. He thought about the past few days. Lance and the church. Roland and Kinkade. Alexa and whatever this was. On top of wedding planning and the overall physical exhaustion of work, he figured Lance had a point.

“You’ve done a lot. Where are you at- physically, mentally, emotionally?” 

“Just physically tired,” he answered. Lance hummed as if he was suspicious that Keith wasn’t being honest. “What?” 

“Just that? Nothing else?” He frowned. “Not annoyed with Alexa for avoiding you so long? Not tired from however small a trip down memory lane you went down with Roland?” His hand stopped. “Not even sexually frustrated?” 

Keith laughed at the last one, but it seemed that Lance was completely serious. “Maybe I was a little annoyed with Alexa, but I also get it. And no, talking to Roland actually felt really… normal. And I think I’m relieved that he wants to try dating again.” Keith sat up and pulled himself onto his knees, facing Lance. “As for lack of sex, it’s not upsetting me. I’m just glad I’ve been able to see you these past few days.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows, and Keith smoothed out the crease with his thumb. “Seriously. I mean… I do miss kissing you. Holding you. I miss being as physical as we usually are. But I understand that you need some time to get back to it.” 

“It can still be upsetting,” Lance said. 

Keith scoffed with a smile and sat back on the heels of his feet. “Why are you so adamant about making me angry with you? I told you-”

“That you understand, yes. And I appreciate that. But I just because it makes logical sense doesn’t mean your emotions align with it. If you’re sad or angry or…. I don’t know. Just tell me. Because I feel like I’ve been taking and taking and taking, but you don’t ask for anything-”

“Lance,” Keith interrupted. “What do you mean you’re just ‘taking?’ This is a relationship, a two-way thing. You’ve given so much and you were always so patient with my boundaries at the beginning. I can do the same for you.” Blue eyes settled on him, beautiful and piercing. “I know all the stuff I miss is gonna come back. It’s just a matter of being patient, like you asked me to do. And I plan on staying with you for as long as you want me around, so… take your time.” 

"As long as I want you?” Lance repeated. Keith smiled and nodded. "What if I want you forever? However long that is."

Keith's smile grew. He shrugged and said, "Then I'll stay with you forever- however long that is." 

Lance turned his body, pulling one leg onto the couch as the other dangled. “What stuff do you miss?” 

“You want a list?” Lance grinned and nodded. Keith chuckled and shifted to sit cross-legged. “Okay…. Mm. I miss greeting you with a kiss whenever we see each other. I miss being the big spoon. And the little spoon.” Lance bit his lip, smiling at that. He reached out for Keith’s hand and wove their fingers together. “I miss falling asleep next to you. And waking up before you, waiting for your snores to stop because that tells me when you’re awake. I miss the way your eyes squint when you first open them and how you rub them before looking at me and smiling. And how you talk through toothpaste when you brush your teeth.” 

Lance scrunched his nose in disgust, but he laughed. Now that Keith had started, he couldn’t stop naming things that he’d missed from what had become their routine. A feeling of longing settled in his chest. 

“And the way you eat your food in separate sections.” 

“Am I supposed to mix it all together like a heathen?” 

Keith laughed and squeezed his hand. “I miss your witty little comebacks. I miss kissing you like I need your taste more than I need to breathe.” He reached out with his other hand to touch a spot near Lance’s collarbone. “The way your breath stutters when I kiss you there. The way you like to kiss the spot under my ear.” Lance had a flush in his cheeks, and the skin by his collarbone rose with goosebumps. “And yeah…. I do miss the sex.” 

Lance snorted. “I knew it.” 

Keith responded by poking his stomach playfully, but Lance caught his hand and laughed as he stopped him. That was another thing. His laugh. Keith missed his laugh. 

“Well, I just have to say something about all that,” Lance said solemnly. Keith tilted his head in question. Then Lance arched an eyebrow. “That was super cheesy.” 

“Lance!” 

“I’m kidding!” Lance laughed and leaned his side against the back of the couch, keeping his eyes on Keith. “Actually, I was gonna say…. I want to try something.” Keith waited for him to continue. Lance took a breath and let it out in a huff. “I miss our kisses too. And I don’t want you to wait for me to lead it. I just want you to kiss me. But if I need to stop….” 

“Then we stop,” Keith said. “You’re sure about this?” 

Lance nodded. “Kiss me.” 

Keith had planned on leaning in slowly, on pressing his lips against Lance’s at a gentle pace before slowly increasing the intensity of it, coaxing his mouth open and pulling himself over him until they lost themselves in it. But for whatever reason- whether it was the fact that it’d been so long without a kiss like that or because Keith’s instincts had a stronger hold on him than his logic- Keith had simply surged forward with one hand at the nape of Lance’s neck as he pulled him in. 

Thankfully, his enthusiasm was reciprocated by Lance who, after getting over the shock, had wrapped his arms around Keith’s torso and pulled him in. 

Keith allowed his body to get maneuvered until he was straddling Lance, kissing him with a ferocity that wasn’t sexy or gentle or sweet, it was just desperate. It was filled with longing and desire and it was a kiss that led to lip bites and nervous, needy little grunts and moans. It was a kiss filled with every kiss they hadn’t shared in the past few weeks. 

He skimmed his lips along Lance’s jawline before running tongue along his throat. He both heard and felt the groan that it pulled out of Lance. He kissed and sucked the skin near his collarbone, and like clockwork, he heard the way his breath hitched before his shaky exhale. 

The soft gasps that fell from Lance’s lips were enough to prod Keith further. He ran his hands through Lance’s hair, kissing the side of his neck before biting down gently then scraping his teeth along the same stripe of skin he’d just kissed. 

The hands at his waist tightened and pulled him in. Instinct drove Keith to rock his hips. While Lance let out a soft moan, he also held Keith tighter to keep him still. “S-slow down a bit,” he whispered. 

Keith nodded and switched to softer kisses scattered along Lance’s face. When he kissed his lips, it was softer. More controlled. The taste of Lance’s mouth was familiar, and the strength with which Keith had missed it hit him the second he tasted it again. 

He pulled Lance’s lower lip between his teeth before pulling back, pressing their foreheads together. Lance hummed softly, happily. Keith kissed his nose and ran his hands through his hair in a slower, gentler way. 

“Hair’s getting long,” he whispered. 

“Hmm,” was all Lance could say. He leaned his head against Lance’s chest, wrapping his arms tightly around Keith’s body. “One, four three, one, four, three, one four three,” he whispered. 

Keith smiled and kissed the top of his head. “Two, three, two, three, two three,” he answered. 


	28. Side Effects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it everyone. The last chapter in the story. I hope you all enjoy it. Thank you for all the comments and kudos. Thank you for making this story what it is. I hope you all enjoy the last chapter <3
> 
> Please know that I used commas instead of / <\- that symbol to ease reading!

(June 15, 2019 ish)

There was something enticing and tantalizing about things that were just out of reach. But there was something glorious and resplendent about things within grasp. About the moments that existed and belonged to you. 

Like now. Now that they’d managed to have some semblance of a private moment by staying in the kitchen while Hunk and Pidge were yelling at the video game they were playing. Nothing was stopping Lance from pushing his fingers through thick locks of dark black hair, from taking plump, full lips between his teeth, from dragging his hand along the flexed muscles of the leg wrapped around his torso. 

Except that Keith was pulling away with a groan, gently pushing Lance back as he left smaller kisses against his lips. 

“You’re gonna burn the food,” he whispered with a smirk. 

“Nah, I already turned it off.” He leaned in to kiss him again, which made Keith laugh. 

“Well, I need to turn myself off,” he said against Lance’s lips. “Let me breathe.” 

Reluctantly, Lance pulled away and turned to the food while Keith hopped off the counter. The gaming didn’t stop when Lance served everyone. Hunk and Pidge had the ability to scarf food down while simultaneously cursing at the screen and letting their fingers blur over the controllers. 

Beside Lance, Keith was eating his food at a much more civilized pace. “You should cook more often,” Keith said. “This is really good.” 

“That’s what I always tell him, but he always makes me cook,” Hunk said. “Shit, no, Pidge!” 

He smiled and shrugged. “You should taste it when Mami makes it. Or Vero. God, they have some sort of magic in their hands that makes everything they make not only delicious, but also it somehow manages to feed everyone enough for seconds and thirds.” 

“Can confirm,” Pidge said. “I absolutely believe it’s some form of witchcraft.” 

Lance rolled his eyes. “But thank you. I don’t mind cooking, I just always make a huge mess.” 

“I’ve always wanted to learn. Shiro’s really good at it, and I’ll help him sometimes, but I get kind of nervous.” He scooped up the last bit on his plate, and Lance had to shake his head at the way he’d mixed everything together. 

“Here, I got it.” He took Keith’s plate and stacked it with his own before taking them to the sink. 

While he washed, he heard Keith behind him, putting leftovers up in Tupperware before handing him the pans. Once Lance finished, the rest of the kitchen was already clean, and Keith had gone to wash his hands. 

They sat down to join Hunk and Pidge, taking the place of the loser for the next round. Lance was happy just watching and holding Keith in his arms as they played, but occasionally, he took a turn too. 

After a couple hours of laughing and teasing that lead to sabotaging in the game, Pidge got tired enough to want to go home, and Hunk went with her since he was her ride. After they’d left, Lance and Keith sat down to watch a show. 

The feeling of Keith’s hands in his hair was comforting and it had Lance half falling asleep right there on the couch. 

“Your hair gets wavy when it’s long,” Keith noted softly. He twirled a strand around his fingers and let it coil back into place, a little swoop covering his ear. 

“If I let it grow more it starts to curl more. Not full coils, but enough. I think I got it from Mami.” 

Keith hummed and continued twirling different sections of his hair. Then he sighed and tucked his chin against the dip between Lance’s shoulder and neck. He pressed a chaste kiss to the skin and grumbled, “I should get going. What time were you planning on leaving tomorrow?” 

“As soon as I wake up,” he answered. Another groan. Lance turned and laughed at him, scrunching his nose. “You’re cute when you pout.” Keith rolled his eyes and burrowed his face back into Lance’s neck. “Hey… do you want to spend the night?” There was a pause, and Keith’s head came back up slowly. “You can be the little spoon,” Lance added with a smile.

A smile spread on Keith’s face. “Yeah?” Lance nodded. Keith kissed him and ran his hand through the hair at the nape of Lance’s neck. “I’d love to stay. I’ll just need to borrow clothes.”

“Okay,” Lance answered, lighting up. He’d missed falling asleep in Keith’s arms. He’d missed his warmth beside him. It’d felt like ages since he was last waking up to the chaotic bedhead Keith usually had in the mornings. 

He locked the door and led Keith back to his room, giving him free reign over the closet to get whatever he needed. While he went to wash his face and brush his teeth, he could hear Keith on the phone with Alexa.

“Yeah, they’re clean, dude. Just stay out of my drawers and you’ll be fine.” Keith was sitting on the bed, petting Kosmo while wearing one of Lance’s shorts. “Yeah, help yourself to the fridge.” He laughed and shook his head. “Okay, goodnight, Alexa. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He hung up and stood to put his phone on the nightstand. “Alexa says hi.” 

“Something tells me you filtered her greeting.” 

“Just a bit,” Keith said with a laugh. 

“It sounds like she’s been doing better since she started staying with you.” Keith nodded. “So are you gonna ask her to be your roommate? Shiro’s almost fully moved out, right?” 

“Yeah, he is.” Keith’s voice took on a softer tone as his expression dropped slightly. “Wedding’s in a couple weeks, so I guess it would make sense to just ask Alexa to move in.” 

Lance sat on the bed and pulled Keith closer. “You okay?” 

Keith nodded. “It’s just weird knowing he’s not gonna live there anymore,” he answered softly. “I think I’ll ask Alexa tomorrow. Here, let me get the light.” 

Lance let him go. Keith’s movement made Kosmo hop off the bed and move to the bathroom tile to curl up with huff. When Keith came back, Lance pulled the covers back and laid down, opening his arms for Keith to curl into. 

He laid down facing Lance. His skin was warm. He shuffled closer until his head was tucked under Lance’s chin, and he’d flung his leg over Lance’s. “I missed this,” he whispered. “One four three, pretty boy.” 

Lance hummed and kissed the top of his head. “Te amo, mi vida.” 

There was a long pause before Keith pulled away to look at him. Lance’s eyes had gotten accustomed to the darkness, and he could see the shadows of Keith’s expression with the help of the moonlight and streetlights filtering through the window. 

“Lance….” He didn’t say more than that. He simply cupped his face and kissed him, pulling him closer by the nape of his neck. “Can I say it?” he whispered against his jawline. Lance nodded, his heartbeat spiking. “I love you. I love you so much.” 

The sound of those words felt cathartic. They were music, they were air, they were light. They filled Lance up and encased him in Keith’s scent, in his warmth, in his taste. It made his head get fuzzy. 

“Remember how you said you missed kissing me like you needed me more than air?” Keith nodded as he licked Lance’s lower lip. “Kiss me like that.” 

That’s all it took for Lance to be completely encased by Keith. To get drunk off the taste of him. To feel like he had the universe in the palm of his hands, each gasp a wave of stardust, each swipe of his tongue a supernova, the weight of his body creating galaxies in his chest. Who needed air when creation itself was in your grasp? 

He was being careful, Lance could tell. With the way his breaths shook, the way his arms tensed. But Lance didn’t need him to be careful. 

Lance wrapped his legs around Keith’s hips, pulling him in. 

“Fuck- Lance, we gotta stop-” 

“I’m okay if you are,” Lance said. Keith froze and stared down at him, his cheeks flushed. “I am. If you wanna keep going… I do too.” 

Keith bit his lip and shut his eyes. He gulped and opened them. “Are you sure?” 

Lance pulled him into a kiss and moved to pull his earlobe between his teeth. “I’m all yours, mi amor.” 

He bit back a moan when Keith responded with a roll of his hips. His arms pushed under Lance to hold him closer as they kissed. It varied between feral and gentle, and at times somehow both. Keith’s mouth moved to his throat, sucking the skin gently, coaxing soft breaths out of Lance. 

When he pulled away, it was only to kneel between his legs to gently push his shirt up to his chest and help him take it off. Then he tugged on the waistband of his plaid bottoms, getting them off with Lance’s help. He grabbed Lance’s leg and pressed a kiss to the knee, then another slightly higher, and another just on the inside of his thigh. 

Lance sighed and let his toes curl as he shut his eyes. He felt warm hands press against his hips, then a tongue against his stomach. He let out a shaky breath when Keith’s teeth skimmed along his skin. He’d half expected Keith to rush into it, half hoped it even. He expected and craved frantic desperation, a wild race to give everything to each other. It was nothing like that. 

Every touch was slow and deliberate, meant to make him turn pliant- as if he could be anything but for Keith. The desperation was clear, not in his hands, but in his breaths. The way they moved through his body and washed over Lance’s. 

“I love you,” Lance whispered as Keith’s lips returned to his neck. 

“Te amo,” he whispered back. Lance felt the smile against his skin, felt the way Keith breathed him in with those words. He lifted his head to look at Lance with a gorgeous smile, framed by his messy hair. He leaned down and swiped his tongue along Lance’s lips, making him sigh when he took his lower lip between his teeth. 

Then he rolled over, tugging Lance on top of him. “Do anything you want,” Keith whispered. “Tell me what you want from me.” 

Lance didn’t say anything. He leaned over to his nightstand and tugged the drawer open. Dark eyes stayed on him as he pulled the container out, and he could feel Keith start to push his legs apart. He clasped them in place with his own legs. 

“Stay,” he said. 

Keith bit his lip and nodded. Lance pulled his briefs down further before coating his fingers. He’d only done this a few times before on his own, but it never felt as good as it did when Keith did it to him. But he’d never had Keith watching him before. 

Never had those intense eyes glistening with silver reflections, the shadows cast on his body betraying his breathing as his hands slid along his thigh. It was one thing having that heated gaze on the movement of his arm. It was another thing entirely to meet his eyes and feel the surge of adoration and awe his stare held. 

Keith pulled himself up to a sitting position slowly, being careful not to disturb Lance’s movements. His fingers ghosted along his arms, gently wrapping around his wrist. He wasn’t stopping Lance or controlling the speed. He just had his hand there, sharing the moment as he watched. 

Having him so close, so observant and reverent… it made everything feel enhanced. Every movement of his own fingers felt better. Every inch of his skin felt more sensitive, sending waves of haziness into Lance’s brain with each part of his body that touched Keith’s. 

“You can add another, sweetheart,” Keith murmured in his ear while his fingers caressed Lance’s wrist. Lance added another finger and moaned as Keith helped him gently push in. “You okay?” 

Lance nodded and wrapped his other arm around Keith’s shoulders. “Kiss me.” 

The second Keith’s lips were against his, he felt himself swell with love, with need. The hand that had rested along his wrist pulled away. The other arm wrapped itself around his torso. Then Lance felt Keith’s hand along his length, moving gently and slowly. 

A soft gasp fell from his trembling lips. He grabbed a handful of Keith’s hair and screwed his eyes shut as he worked his hand faster. But Keith’s kept its slow pace, the touch paired with his lips as he skimmed along Lance’s throat. 

“Keith. Keith, Keith, Keith.” 

“Do you want to stop?” Keith whispered. 

Lance shook his head frantically. “N-no. I just- I’m ready.” He snapped the waistband of Keith’s boxers lightly. “Off.” 

Keith smirked and nodded. Meanwhile, Lance got off of him to grab a condom. He settled back over Keith’s legs, smiling as he felt warm hands cup his face and pull him into a kiss. He managed to blindly put the condom on while Keith added extra lube. 

When he pulled away, he laid back and placed his hands on Lance’s thighs. “God, you’re beautiful,” he whispered as he looked up at Lance. 

“You can barely see me,” Lance said, despite the way his cheeks heated up. 

“Actually,” Keith said as Lance lifted his hips, “my eyes got used to the darkness. I can see you pretty well.” His grip on Lance’s thighs tightened. “But I also know every part of you by now. I don't need the light to know about the splatter of freckles you have right here.” His hand gripped the back of his thigh, and Lance took a sharp breath. "Or to know that you duck your head when you blush.” He shrugged and pulled Lance’s hips closer, lining himself up. “And anything I can’t see, I can feel.” He interlocked his hand with Lance’s and pulled his hand to his mouth, leaving kisses along each knuckle. His other hand splayed along his hip, running his fingers back and forth along the skin. 

Lance bit his lip and shook his head. “You’re cheesy,” he teased. Before Keith could respond, Lance began to lower himself, gasping as he sunk down slowly. The feeling was familiar, but it had been long enough that Lance still needed a moment to pull himself together. Gentle hands caressed his legs, the small of his back. 

“Fuck. Fuck, Lance,” Keith breathed out. “Can I move?” Lance nodded, and Keith rolled his hips up slowly, making Lance’s mouth fall open. 

He watched as Keith’s body moved beneath him, making the shadows dance across his skin. He watched the tension in his abdomen when he rolled his hips, the way it rippled across his body, made him toss his head back into the pillow. He watched the way heavy breaths settled in his chest, heaving up and down. Watched the way the moonlight reached across the strain in his neck, hiding his face in darkness. But Lance knew the expression on his face. Half knew it by memory, half from what the silhouette gave away. 

He could see the clench of his jaw, the bob of his Adam’s apple, the way his eyebrows furrowed together while his eyes scrunched shut. The flex of his biceps as he squeezed Lance’s thighs when Lance started lifting his hips to meet Keith’s when he came down. 

And the sounds. 

The sounds were beautiful. The ways air left them in a gasp, the way they demanded it back with a hiss, the moments too wonderful for words that they were left only with moans. The way their bodies sounded when they collided…. It drove Lance insane to know that only he would ever know that sound. Only he would ever know the way their bodies fit together. Only Keith could make his body react this way. 

He braced his hands against Keith’s chest and he could feel the rapid pounding of his heart against his palm. He felt the way his hands seeked to worship as they followed the curve and movements of his body. 

“Keith,” he whispered. “I wanna feel you closer. I wanna hold you.” 

Quick to give Lance what he wanted, Keith gently nudged Lance off of him and pulled him into his arms. “Let’s try this,” he whispered. He turned Lance on his side, pulled him in so his chest was to Lance’s back, and with one hand, he pulled Lance’s leg up over his hip. He wrapped his arms around him, encasing Lance in his scent. In that familiar cologne, the familiar deodorant mixing with sweat, with the scent of  _ them _ . He pushed into him, and Lance shivered, turning his head into the pillows as he moaned. 

There was no space between their bodies. Lance could feel each movement course through him. He felt Keith’s lips at his neck, felt his teeth bite into his skin. He could feel each hot breath against the shell of his ear. 

And he felt each syllable when Keith whispered, “I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.” 

Lance reached back, his hand in Keith’s hair as he turned his face to look at him. “Te amo, te amo, te amo,” he whispered back between punched out gasps. He felt Keith’s lips crashing onto his, the kiss broken by heavy breaths and hazy panting. 

As Keith kissed his shoulders, Lance realized he had nothing left to hide. Everything had been laid out on the table, and Keith was still here. Every part of him had finally been placed in Keith's hands. 

This was what it was to love. To truly love unconditionally, without reserves. 

This was what he had wanted for his first time. A feeling of comfort, of familiarity, of  _ home. _ This was what he'd thought it was always supposed to be like. What he expected for the day he married the person he loved. Vulnerable, his entire being in someone's hands while he held theirs. This embodiment of creating and loving. 

It was what he thought he would experience with Allura.

"Darling, you still with me?" 

The second her name entered his mind, something in his chest collapsed. He felt tears fall from his eyes, over the bridge of his nose, clinging to his face until they reached the ear he was laying on and disappeared into the pillow. 

"Hey, what is it?" he heard Keith ask gently. His movements slowed as he kissed the temple of Lance's head. "Why are you crying, sweetheart?" 

He hated himself for it, but he knew he would hate himself more if he wasn't honest. He gulped and slipped his hand into Keith's. "I think I need to stop," he whispered. "I'm sorry, I thought I could- but my head got messy and-" 

"Hey, it's okay. If you need to stop, then we stop. No apology or explanation needed." Keith pulled away from Lance slowly, and laid on his back. He waited until both their breaths had evened out a bit before sitting up. "Do you want me to go? I could also sleep on the couch-" 

Lance shook his head and shifted himself closer, pulling Keith back down onto the bed. "No. I'm not upset that I'm with you. Or that we did this. It was amazing, and… that's what got to me."

Keith frowned, understandably confused. "I don't know what you mean by that, love." 

He gulped and shut his eyes as he put his hand to Keith’s cheek. “The way we were just now…. It felt different. It felt like… like what I had always expected sex to be. I’d wanted to wait until marriage at one point, so it could feel the way it felt now- like we were creating a new language, a new reality. A-and I’m so happy I have that with you, and I love you, and it was wonderful. I just couldn’t stop myself from thinking-” 

“That it should’ve been that way from the start?” Keith whispered. 

Lance nodded, and curled into himself. “That it was something I was supposed to experience with Allura. That I spat on everything it meant by throwing it away. I spat on her memory, I-”

“Hey,” Keith interrupted, gently pressing a finger to Lance’s lips. “You can’t…. Darling, you didn’t think you’d find anyone to love and experience that with. Your grief pushed you to do things to cope. Pushed you into doing something because you thought it wouldn’t matter anymore. Don’t tear yourself down for it.” 

He didn’t respond. He just hid his face in Keith’s chest and tried to let his scent ground him. He tried not to feel anxious about the fact that they were still naked, tried not to feel guilty about the fact that he’d riled Keith up only to make him have to stop. He thought he was ready. He really did. But she was still so prominent in his mind, and somehow that made the rest of his past catch up with him too. 

A gentle, soothing hand raked through his hair, occasionally pausing to scratch his scalp softly. “I know it can feel dirty,” Keith whispered. “I know how painful past choices and memories can be. But it’s okay. Because you’re not dirty. Because I’ve got you now, and you’ll never have to feel sex as anything less than what we’ve made it ever again. And if we have to wait a while to do this, that’s okay too. Grief isn’t linear, my love.” He stood up gently and gathered the clothes around them. He tugged on his boxers and gave Lance his briefs before tugging his shirt over his head for him. 

Once they were covered up, Keith laid back down and covered them up with the comforter. He pressed a kiss to Lance’s forehead before tucking his head beneath his chin again and resuming the head scratches. 

After a while, once the tears stopped building up in his eyes, Lance whispered Keith’s name to see if he was awake. Keith responded with a soft hum, and Lance shifted to be able to face him. Keith’s eyes fluttered sleepily as his arm draped over his side. 

“I want to clarify something,” Lance whispered. 

“Hm? What’s that?” 

Lance traced his finger over Keith’s collarbone, to the curve of his shoulders, and back. “I don’t mean to make it sound like the times we’ve had sex weren’t special or different. They always have been. It’s just… this time felt like an even bigger shift.” 

“Can I ask why?” Keith murmured, his eyes opening to meet Lance’s. 

“Um. I think…. I guess, because….” He sighed and pressed their foreheads together. “You finally saw me shatter. But you didn’t turn away. And you didn’t try to fix me. You just… helped me pick up the pieces to put myself together without rushing me.” Keith’s fingers ran up and down Lance’s side in a soothing way. Encouraging him to keep talking. “I showed you the best parts of me when we met. Even at my best, I know I can be a lot, but you fell in love with them anyway. And now… you’ve seen the worst parts of me. The parts that should’ve made you run the other way, but you’re… you’re still here. You’ve managed to love the versions of me that I hate the most. You’ve even helped me hate them a little less.” 

“Oh, sweetheart....” Keith brushed his nose against Lance’s. “Can I kiss you?” 

Lance responded by kissing him first. It was softer this time, both careful not to start something they knew they wouldn’t be able to finish. Still, it felt as encompassing as anything else. It felt like a breath of air. It felt like a cleanse. 

“Pretty boy, I’m gonna love you forever, you know that?” Keith whispered. 

It made Lance smile. “Good. Because you’re my future, precioso.” Lance kissed him chastely on the lips. “Y te voy a amar con todo lo que tengo.” 

“Translation?” 

Lance smirked. “Goodnight, mi amor.” 

Keith grumbled. “That’s not what you said.” But he must have been sleepy because he let it go. He shut his eyes and tucked himself against Lance with his head at his shoulder, their legs woven together. 

The weight in his chest dissipated by the time Lance was able to fall asleep. 

\--

Lance woke up to the feeling of fingers running through his hair. 

“I know you’re awake,” he heard.

He squinted, preparing to open his eyes to a bright room, and rubbed his eyes. When he opened them again, he caught sight of Keith who was smiling tenderly. “Mm. Buenos dias, mi amor,” Lance murmured. 

“Good morning, sweetheart.” Keith leaned closer to bump Lance’s nose with his own. “I missed this.” 

Blushing, Lance smiled and closed the space between them with a soft kiss. “Do you have work today?” 

He nodded as he wrapped his arm around Lance tighter. “Noon shift at the studio.” He nuzzled his nose into Lance’s cheek. “When are you leaving?” 

“After I shower. I wanna be there long enough to catch up with everyone without having to come home too late.” Lance bit his lip and pulled back to be able to see Keith’s face. “Uh, hey. So I wanted to… clear something with you.” Keith furrowed his eyebrows and waited for Lance to continue. “I wanna go see Allura’s uncle. We were really close, and I didn’t even call him or anything….”

“Okay…. I mean, you don’t have to ask me for permission to do that, love.”

“I know, I just… want to be sure you’re okay with it. Or at least know that, you know, I still talk to him and all.” 

Keith scoffed and took his hand. “I appreciate the sentiment,” he said. He kissed his cheek and used his other hand to twirl a wavy lock of hair near his ear. “But there’s no need for me to approve of your plans.” He pressed a kiss to his knuckles. “I trust you.” 

“I know. I guess I’m just still struggling a bit in trying to make the two worlds come together into one.” He groaned and shifted so he could lay on top of Keith with his head against his chest. “Everything’s been feeling so lopsided, and I’m just trying to make it right again.” He took a deep breath and ran a finger over Keith’s skin, idly doodling swirls. 

“I’m sorry, darling. Tell me what to do to make it easier for you.” 

Lance lifted his head and smiled at him. “Ay mi amor, mi vida, mi cielo. It’s not on you. This is just kind of new territory that I wasn’t prepared for.” Keith frowned and tilted his head in confusion. “I lived in my past until it started killing me. And then I tried to keep it wrapped up. Now I’m bringing someone else into my grief, into my past- because I can’t keep it away. It’s still part of my present. Neither of us signed up for that.” Keith started to speak, but Lance put a hand across his mouth, giving him a playful chiding look. “And I know you say you don’t mind, but this is new for you too. I’m trying to make it easier for you when I can. The same way you’ve been helping it get easier for me.” 

“Then we can figure it out together,” he said against his hand. Keith tilted his head to free himself, but Lance removed his hand anyway. “Let me be part of it with you. I told you last night I was gonna love you forever. And I meant it. You’re my forever, pretty boy. You’re it for me.” 

A painful knot closed Lance’s throat as his heart began to pound hard enough to be felt in his entire being. He chuckled nervously and squeezed his eyes shut. “Don’t make me cry this early. My face is barely recovering from all the acne I got after I cried for nearly two weeks straight.” Keith laughed and reached up to brush his knuckles against his cheek. Lance opened his eyes and leaned into the touch. “Te doy mi presente y mi futuro, precioso.” 

“You can’t say things you’re not gonna translate,” Keith said with a pout. “I understood future and the endearment.” Lance grinned and kissed him. “You little shit,” Keith grumbled against his mouth. 

“Is that any way to talk to your forever?” 

Keith responded with a laugh as he wrapped his arms around his waist, squeezing him tight enough to make him wheeze. He turned them over, peppering Lance’s faces with kisses between laughter and teasing. 

After a while, Keith groaned and squeezed Lance a little tighter. “I should probably get going. I need to shower and do some laundry before my shift.” 

Lance sighed and nodded, letting him go so he could stand. He sat up on the bed and watched as Keith changed back into the clothes he’d been wearing the day before. Kosmo was already wagging his tail and half jumping near the door. Once Keith had his shoes on, Lance got out of bed to follow him to the front door. 

He clipped Kosmo’s leash on and faced Lance with a tired smile. “Text me when you get there?” 

“I will. Drive safe.” 

Keith nodded and pulled Lance into a kiss, cupping his face gently. “I love you. Be careful.” 

Lance smiled. “Te amo.” 

Keith smiled that precious nose-scrunching smile and walked out the door. Lance locked it with a sigh before returning to his room to take a shower. 

\--

“Ay mi niño, mira nadamas,” Mami fussed as Lance walked in. She cupped his face and frowned. "You need to eat. Sit, let me make you something. Veronica! Ya llegó tu hermano!" Lance heard the door to her room click as she came out to greet him. 

"Hey, how was the drive?" she asked as she hugged him. Lance shrugged, and Vero regarded him carefully. "Well, you look better than I thought you would." 

Lance scoffed and ran his hand through his hair. "Still look better than you." She responded by punching his arm. "Ay! Damn, Vero." 

"M'ijo y tu chinito? Why didn't you bring him?" 

Lance furrowed his eyebrows. "Mi chin- Ma, he's not Chinese." 

"Ay, he has the eyes, same thing." 

"Um no," Veronica said. "That is incorrect on several levels." 

"Listen, your cousin is Cuban but we call him Chino too, it's not about race," she said. She peeked out from the kitchen and waved a spoon. "Sit down with your brother or get in here y ayúdame." 

Veronica sat down with a roll of her eyes and Lance couldn't help but laugh at the entire thing. "Anyway, he has work later today. Plus I didn't want to spend the whole day outside in the front yard." 

"Well there's an easy fix for that," she responded. Even Veronica turned to look toward the kitchen in shock. 

"Amá, they've only been dating for a few months!" 

She came out of the kitchen with a plate of refried beans and sunny side up eggs and placed it in front of Lance. "Sí, pero ese chinito, escucha, es un mandado de Dios. Just look at your brother." She returned to the kitchen and Veronica stared at Lance in disbelief. 

"She's gonna wanna throw a party and invite all of Texas the day you propose," she muttered. 

Lance smiled and laughed, playing along for the time being. They didn’t need to know that marriage wasn’t… exactly part of their plans for the foreseeable future. 

“So, have Luis and Maya made any plans for their wedding?” 

“I’ve tried getting them to, but Luis refused to plan until his best man could help him. So no.” 

He knew Veronica meant it in a kind way. A show of the solidarity he had with his brother. But it made Lance’s chest constrict to think that Luis had paused such an important thing because Lance couldn’t pull himself together and be a functional human being for so long. He should’ve been there to celebrate the engagement, should’ve been on top of it all the second they announced it. 

“Well, I’m here. And it’s summer, so I don’t have classes to worry about. It’ll be the best fucking wedding of the decade. The century!” 

“Language,” Mami chided as she gave Vero her plate. “Do you want anything else? What do you want to drink?” 

“Ay, Ma, how come you ask him but when I ask you if you can give me a soda you tell me, ‘para eso tienes patas, no cabrona?’ Talk about inequality.” 

“Ay, Veronica,” Mami said in exasperation. Veronica just laughed and shared a mischievous look with Lance. “Okay, what would  _ you  _ like to drink?” she asked. 

“Well now it doesn’t count,” Vero pouted. Mami scoffed and hit her on the head, muttering about ungrateful children as she returned to the kitchen. Vero and Lance burst into laughter, before they both got up to get their own drinks. 

As they returned to their food, the door opened and their papá walked in, brightening at the sight of Lance. 

“M’ijo cuando llegaste?” He brought him into a hug and ruffled his hair before greeting Veronica with a kiss on her cheek. 

“About half an hour ago,” Lance said. He smiled when he saw his parents greet each other with a chaste kiss. 

“Y el Chino?” 

“Oh my God, you call him that too?” His dad shrugged and gestured vaguely to his own eyes. Mami just smirked and raised her eyebrows. “Keith’s got work today. I’ll be sure to let him know you were both hoping to see him.” As he ate his food he caught Veronica giving him a skeptical, smug look. “What?” 

She scrunched her nose teasingly and pointed at him with her fork. “You’re loving this. You love how much they love Keith.” 

“I mean, it’s definitely a plus,” he answered with a laugh. 

Veronica chuckled and lowered her voice. “You know she cried the day she heard you call him amor. Came home and just started bawling with Papi about how happy she was for you. They are… very invested.” 

“Jesus….” 

Veronica laughed and returned to her food. By the time their parents sat to join them, Lance had already finished his food. He could tell his parents were trying to gauge where he was at, trying to ask about how he handled the past month on his own without outright asking it. They kept sharing little glances between each other like their own separate conversation. 

Eventually, Veronica freed him by saying, “Luis and Marco said they’d be coming over at three, so if you want to go see Coran, you should go now.” She got up and picked up all the plates to take them to the sink. 

“You’re going to see him?” Mami asked. 

Lance nodded. “Yeah. I didn’t even call him or Romelle, so…. I want to get better about seeing him.” 

Mami nodded and stood up to go to the kitchen. “Here, take some to him. Vero made cookies the other day and we’re trying to keep your papi from eating too many.” 

“Pues para que los hace?” Papá called from where he was sitting. 

Mami shook her head and held out a small Tupperware for Lance. “Be careful, okay?” 

Lance nodded as he took the cookies. “I’ll be back soon. Te quiero, Mami.” He kissed her cheek, then Vero’s, then his dad’s before heading out the door. 

Pulling into the driveway, Lance half expected to be overwhelmed by grief or feel something churn his stomach. But as he looked out at the garden and pushed past the gate, it wasn’t pain he felt. It was more like nostalgia. Longing. It was still sad, but it wasn’t debilitating. It didn’t make it hard to breathe. 

“I still miss you, morena,” he whispered to the garden. He’d hoped a breeze would pass by, something to make him feel like maybe she heard him. But it didn’t. He shook his head at himself and went up to the door to knock. 

The door opened after a few moments. Romelle stood in front of him with her bleached blonde hair piled up on her head. “Lance! It’s been so long,” she said as she pulled him into a hug. The smell of her perfume made Lance’s throat tighten. It was familiar because Allura liked to borrow it from her sometimes. It was both of their favorites because it was cheap and it lasted and they could find it at any FiveBelow store. She pulled back and smiled. “How’ve you been?” 

“That’s a loaded question,” he said with a nervous laugh as he walked in. 

She nodded sympathetically. “Yeah, I guess that was stupid to ask,” she said. “Sorry. Dad’s in the shower, but he should be out soon.”

“That’s okay. I brought cookies. Vero made them.” Romelle brightened and took the Tupperware. She opened it and bit into a cookie without hesitation before smiling. Lance chuckled and sat at the dining table. “How have you been? In general and… with the anniversary.” 

“In general, I’ve been good. Changed my major again. Been trying to get Dad out of the house more often. It’s been calm. As for the 24th, Dad and I went to her grave. Left some flowers. Dad also left a copy of one of your poems. Don’t worry I didn’t read it or anything, but….” The knot in his throat was back. He tried to smile or nod but all he could do was blink. “We cried. But it wasn’t horrible. Dad kept debating if he should call you, but I told him you’d call when you could.” 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

“No it’s-”

“Lance? My boy, there you are!” Coran came out of the hallway smelling heavily of cologne and cigars as he went up to Lance to hug him. “I was wondering when we’d hear from you. How was it this year?” 

Lance hesitated and sat back down. “Um…. Simultaneously worse and better. I guess worse but for a shorter time? I don’t know. I’m still getting back on my feet, but Pidge and Hunk and Keith are helping a lot.” 

Coran smiled, his mustache twitching slightly as he did. “Ah, yes, the young man in your poems.” 

Romelle raised her eyebrows. “Wait, is this the same guy you told me about? He’s the one from your Insta, right?” 

The excitement in her voice made him smile and the chance to talk about Keith with them eased some of the weight in his chest. “Yes, it’s him. We’ve kind of been dating since around October, but it wasn’t official until March. And my parents have met him too. They love him. Mami’s already making side comments about bringing him into the house and all.” 

“ _ You  _ love him,” Coran said as more of an observation than a question. 

Still, Lance answered, “Yeah. I really do.” He hesitated before asking, “So you liked the poems?” 

“Oh, I loved them, Lance. It’s wonderful to know you’re writing again, and it’s amazing to see the change and growth that your voice has gone through.” Coran held up a finger and went back down the hallway, presumably to his room. 

Romelle nudged his foot under the table to get his attention. “He’s really happy for you, you know? You’re like a son to him.” She tilted her head toward the little table full of photos. “Go look.” 

Lance frowned and got up to see what she meant. The photos were all there- Allura’s parents with her as a little girl, Allura and Romelle playing with puzzles as kids, Coran’s wife, Romelle’s high school graduation, Lance with Allura. 

“Oh.” 

There was a framed photo on the other end of the table. He picked it up and stared at it. It was a playful selfie he’d taken with Keith one day when he was over. He couldn’t even remember the exact date, but he could probably find it if he scrolled through his Instagram. 

Romelle walked up to him and smiled. “I showed him on my phone and he asked if I could get it printed for him. He said it was the first time he realized you were happy and had started living again.” 

Lance set the photo back down and put his hand to his eyes. “Jesus, I’m gonna Pavlov myself into crying anytime I step foot in this house." 

Romelle laughed and put a comforting hand on his arm. 

"Here we go," he heard Coran say from the hallway. They moved back to the dinner table in time for Coran to come back with a small stack of papers. The poems Lance had sent him. "I made notes, like we used to do. Take them and when you've got new drafts, send them back to me." 

Lance smiled and nodded. He took the stack and placed his hands on top of them. He was still reeling from seeing that picture on the table. He always knew Coran cared about him, especially because of his relationship with Allura- both their friendship and the time they dated. 

Seeing that photo, seeing how happy Coran was that Lance found Keith, seeing how invested he still was in his writing…. It felt like reassurance. Confirmation that Coran cared about him as an individual, not just as someone who was part of his niece's life. And sure, Lance knew that on some level, but everything just felt… more concrete. 

It made him feel worse for not doing better about keeping his promise. 

"I'm so sorry I didn't call," he whispered. "I was so caught up in myself and I just… I pushed everyone away and that was selfish-" 

"Don't say that. This kind of grief is still new for you," Coran interrupted. Romelle nodded in agreement. "You're here now." 

Lance screwed his eyes shut and nodded. He couldn't dwell on the past. He had to keep moving forward. "I'm gonna be better about visiting you. I wasn't… visiting as much as I wanted because I was kind of scared. There's a lot of memories here, and then when I met Keith, I felt guilty because I wasn't telling him and part of me felt like I shouldn't be here anymore if I'm with someone new and it…. I couldn't bring myself to face it." He wiped at his eyes to keep the tears building up from spilling. Crying was too familiar. "I told Keith about coming here. So that guilt is gone. And having them both in my heart has been… strange. But he's okay with the space I have for Allura. And having him makes things… better." 

"He sounds like an amazing person," Romelle said. "I'm so glad you found him." 

"You deserve it. You deserve happiness, my boy," Coran added. "Now come on. Tell me about that TA position you had. I haven't seen you in a while and I'd like to catch up." 

Lance smiled and nodded as he began to tell him about Sasha. He spoke with Coran and Romelle for a few hours about the way writing had slowly crept back into his life, about how he's tried to find his footing with it again. There were tangents and moments where Romelle added her own anecdote, and it felt natural. Equally familiar and new. 

Before long, Lance checked the time and realized he had to get home soon to see his brothers. He hadn't realized how quickly the time had passed. 

"I should get going," he said as he stood. "Luis is coming over and we have to start his wedding plans while I'm here."

"How exciting!" Romelle said. "Are you the best man?" Lance nodded. "That's gonna be so fun!"

"Tell your parents I said hi," Coran said with a smile. "And feel free to visit whenever you'd like." 

"I will. And I'm gonna be better about it. I promise." 

Coran's smile grew and he stood to bring Lance into a tight hug. They followed Lance to the door, waving as he walked out. He got into his car and put the stack of poems in the passenger seat for the time being. 

He got back home a few seconds before Luis and Maya pulled up to the house. As he was getting out of his car, they were a few houses down, and he stayed to wave as they parked. 

Lance hugged Maya tightly and immediately took her left hand to look at how the ring looked on her hand. "Bienvenida a la familia, manita!" he said with a wide grin as he hugged her again. 

"I'm so excited, you have no idea," she said, with her cheeks flushed from the excitement or maybe the heat of a scorching June day. 

He turned to Luis as he walked up to them, a sheepish smile on his brother's face. "You finally did it, man! And trust me, it'll be the best McClain wedding ever." 

Luis laughed and hugged Lance tightly, ruffling his hair. "With you as my best man, I know I can count on it," he said. "Your hair's long. Has Mami said anything about it?" 

He shrugged as they turned to walk into the house. "A passing comment. But I'm not gonna cut it yet." 

A series of greetings happened when they walked in. The table was already covered in magazines, prints, journals, and a laptop, each placed in its own spot. 

Vero barely let Mami and Papi finish their greeting before ushering the three of them to sit at the dining room table. She began listing things that needed to be decided and flipped to a page with an ideal schedule for planning, and it made Lance a little dizzy. 

"Jeez Vero, give us a chance to breathe." He looked at the couple and raised an eyebrow. "The whole process is gonna be like this, you know that right?" The comment was met with a shoulder punch from Vero.

"Oh yeah," Luis said with a laugh. 

Maya nodded. "We chose the two of you for a reason. Vero is good at planning and getting shit done. You're good at easing it up and keeping things calm. Both of you are great at making it all exciting and fun. And we love you, so that's a plus." 

"Anyway," Vero said, nudging Lance with her elbow. "I know Mami said she could make your dress, but I was thinking you could look for what you like from these and we'd basically sort of Frankenstein it so she could know what she's making." 

"Why don't you just draw it out?" Luis asked. 

"I've tried since I was thirteen. It's not exactly the picture i have in mind," Maya said. 

"I know someone who draws!" He turned to Vero. "Alexa is an artist. Maybe she could help? She's rooming with Keith and I'm gonna go see him when I get back. I could ask her then, see when she's free." 

"Does she draw clothes? Just because she's an artist doesn't mean she's good at all of it. She could be more of a landscape person." 

"Well, that's why I'd ask," he said in exasperation. "I'm just saying because then maybe we can give Mami something better than a wedding dress collage that looks like something from your dream board when you were in middle school." 

"He has a point," Luis said. 

"By when do we need to have the design?" Maya asked Vero. 

Vero checked her journal. "To give Mami time to work on it, the final design needs to be done within the next six weeks. So…." Vero thought for a moment and began thinking out loud. "If you're gonna ask, we also gotta bank on Alexa having time and how long it would take when she's done and whether she'd want to be commissioned so…. Say she takes two weeks to get a final sketch, what with drafts and all. Say it takes a week for her to get back to you and a week for her to plan to meet up, that's…." She turned to Lance. "You got a two to three week window. Playing it safe." 

Lance chuckled and nodded. "On it. I'll ask her as soon as I get back and bother her until she can give me an answer. What's our budget? In case she does want to get commissioned?"

They spent an hour talking over the table, planning and laughing and making notes and skimming through magazines and venues online. Marco arrived with the kids who also wanted to give their opinions, but eventually got bored and begged their abuelito to let them use the TV for a video game. 

Mami brought out snacks for everyone as Papá started the grill outside for dinner. 

With all the McClain siblings in one place, wedding planning soon turned into a familial comedy show, with loud jokes and louder laughter that made Lance's heart feel full. The smell of burning charcoal wafted into the house and gave Lance a sense of familiarity and comfort. 

Eventually Mami stayed outside with Papi, joining him in drinking a few beers while he cooked. Nadia and Sylvio had gone to play in the garage. The rest of them were still at the table, the current conversation topic coming from Veronica who was filling them in on Mami's comments that morning. 

"Mira nadamas, it took her months after Luis and I started dating for her to like me! And she'd met me before that!" Maya said incredulously. 

"Keith really just shot up there to favorite in law huh?" Marco said with a snort. 

"Alright, look we bugged you about asking him out but he beat you to it," Luis said. "Which means you gotta beat him to proposing. I'd give it a few months before you say you're certain, but you know. How long till you guys make a year?" 

"Uh, depends. A year since we started seeing each other or a year since we became official?" Lance said, carefully avoiding the first comment. 

"What's the… difference?" Maya asked. She shook her head and waved her head. "Never mind. Rephrase. How long until it's a year since the two of you became serious? Exclusive." 

"Um… I'd say a safe date for that would've been…. Around mid to late October." 

"Okay, that's…. What is that, three or four months from now?" Marco asked, directing the question to Vero. 

"Four," she confirmed. "Four months seems like a good time to plan and decide on a proposal."

"Yeah, I mean before me and Maya even made it to our anniversary, I already knew I was gonna propose," Luis said. 

Maya smacked his shoulder. "Our anniversary was in December and you didn't propose until last month!" she exclaimed. 

"I was waiting on a good time!" 

"And Mami and Papi got engaged before they even made a year," Vero added. "Basically, we all sense a second McClain wedding coming up soon, huh?" 

Lance had stayed quiet too long amidst the excitement of weddings and engagements. It gained suspicious looks from his siblings, but before he could brush it off with a playful "sure, maybe," Marco squinted at him suspiciously. 

"Considering what a romantic you are, you're staying oddly quiet. What, you haven't thought about it? Or are you counting more from the date you became official?"

"Uh, no," he answered vaguely. It only made the four of them stare at him more suspiciously. He gulped and listened to the music coming from the speaker outside, Mami's laughter just outside the window at whatever Papi said and even the clatter of the kids' toys managing to filter through the walls. "Uh…. So we're not exactly planning on marriage." 

It was quiet for a second before Luis blurted, "But gay marriage is legal; I looked it up!" 

Veronica whipped her head around to look at Luis in surprise as Lance chuckled nervously. "Ah, yes, it is. That's not why." 

"Then? What do you mean you're not getting married? Like ever? How is he ever gonna come into the house? You've always wanted to get married. You're the epitome of a romantic, what do you-?" 

"Oh my God, Doña Cari is gonna lose it if she finds out," Maya added, wide eyed. 

"Okay, maybe Lance just means for right now. Not like, never ever," Marco reasoned. "Right? You just need more time before thinking about it." 

"Yes… and no," Lance said. "It's not a big deal-" Veronica laughed and tossed back her soda like it was a shot to distract herself from the glare Lance threw her. "He's just… not interested in marriage. And honestly, I haven't personally thought of having a wedding since Allura passed away. I don't wanna give it thought because Keith already mentioned he doesn't see himself getting married anyway. And all of that is fine because we do things our own way anyway." 

"No fucking way," Luis mumbled. 

"Dude. That's… I mean, I respect your choice as a coveted bachelor myself of course," Marco said. "It's just… kind of weird to think that you won't have a wedding." 

Lance shrugged. "I don't mind it so much. It's not… entirely off the table, just also not… something we need. But don't tell Mami yet. I'll figure out how to do that down the line." 

"Mhm. Let Keith enjoy being the favorite for a while longer," Maya joked as she put the beer bottle to her lips. 

"A cenar, mis amores!" Mami said as she came in with a cutting board full of cooked meat. "So, how's the wedding planning going?" 

"Fantastic," Veronica said with a smirk. Lance kicked her shin under the table and bit his tongue when she retaliated by kicking his ankle. 

Dinner eased the tension of the last conversation. His siblings let go of the information easily enough, and with Mami and Papi at the table with them, Lance didn't have to worry about it being brought up again. Nadia and Sylvio sat next to Lance and at one point asked when Keith would come back and if he could also bring Kosmo. 

As much as Lance had hoped not to drive back too late, it was still dark by the time dinner was finished and he helped clean up. 

"Mamita, I need to get back," he said as she put away the last of the leftovers. 

"It's dark. Be careful, you know how the cops like to hide by the freeway exits. Text me when you get to your place. Are you sure you're not tired? Did you drink?" 

Lance smiled at the worried rambles. "I'll follow all the driving rules, I promise. I'm not tired, and no I didn't drink anything aside from soda. I'll text when I'm there. I love you." 

He kissed her cheek and she ruffled his hair. "You'll need a haircut soon," she said offhandedly. Lance resisted the urge to roll his eyes, even good naturedly. "We'll have a dinner for the fourth of July, te traes a tu chinito." 

Lance grinned and nodded. "Okay, Mami." He turned away to say goodbye to everyone else. The kids jumped onto him, making him carry them as he said goodbye to his siblings and Maya. They got off in time for Lance to say goodbye to his papá who offered to follow him out. 

"Car still good?" he asked. 

"Yep. Gonna need an oil change soon, but we're still good." 

Papi nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "You seem better this year. Than last year. You didn't come home though." 

Lance's smile fell slowly. "It was harder this year," he admitted. "I love Keith, but having him be part of my life this time around made it feel… different. I wasn't ready for whatever it was, and I still don't even know how to explain it. But he gave me time and it helped. It doesn't feel like I have to filter myself or rush." 

"He's good for you," Papi said decidedly. "Por eso lo quiere tanto tu Mami. She says he makes you bright again." Lance smiled a little bashfully at that. "Tell him I saw his video. He was good. Maybe he can teach you to dance." 

"Ay, Apá," Lance said with a roll of his eyes. 

His papá grinned and laughed from deep in his chest. "Bueno, pues, get going. Remember to slow down when you exit the highway-" 

"I know, Mami already reminded me. I'll try to visit next weekend again. Te quiero, Pa." He hugged him one more time before getting in the car and heading back home. 

He stopped at his apartment to put his poems up before heading over to Keith's. Unsurprisingly, he was still awake, keeping Alexa company in the living room. 

His hair was wet and pulled back, away from his face. He greeted Lance at the door with a soft smile and a softer kiss on his lips. Meanwhile Kosmo greeted him with soft, excited yips as he bumped his body against Lance's leg.

"How was work?" Lance asked. 

"Pretty good. How was home?" 

Lance followed him back to the couch, tucking himself into Keith's side as he sat on the single sofa. Alexa was splayed out across the longer couch, pedaling her legs in the air. 

"Home was great. They all asked about you, so plan on visiting for the fourth of July." 

"Sounds exciting," Keith said with a smile.

"What are you doing?" Lance asked Alexa as she kept pedaling the air. 

"Mini-workout," she said. She plopped her legs down and pulled herself up by resting on her elbows. She looked tired and a little dazed. "I'm trying to tire myself out so I can sleep." 

"Gotcha," he said. "Hey, I have a favor to ask." 

Alexa raised an eyebrow and shifted to lay on her side as she looked at him. "What?" 

"Can you draw clothes? Like if someone described how they wanted an outfit to look, could you sketch it out?" 

"Uh, yeah," she said in confusion. "Why?" 

"My brother is getting married. His fiancée has an idea of what she wants the dress to look like and I was wondering if you would mind meeting up with her and helping her by drawing out what she wants. Vero said to ask if you want to be commissioned because we can do that too." 

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "What is it with everyone getting married lately? Jesus. Anyway, when do they need the dress by?" Lance filled her in on Vero's tentative schedule. "Yeah, I could do it. I'm off Wednesday and Friday next week then Tuesday and Wednesday after that. I'll do it for free. They can consider it a wedding gift." 

"Thank you! I'll let you know for sure what day." She nodded and yawned. 

"We'll let you sleep. Looks like the sleeping pill is kicking in," Keith said. 

"Mhm." 

Keith nudged Lance up and toward the room. Lance half expected a snide comment to follow them, but it didn't. Keith went back to turn off the lights before joining Lance and Kosmo in the room. 

"Did you ask her about moving in?" 

Keith nodded. "She said she would think about it. She has to figure out a way to tell her mom." 

Lance frowned. "Hasn't she been living here for a couple weeks already?" 

Keith shrugged. "I didn't want to pry too much. At least if she moves in, maybe she can start feeling a little better." Lance frowned and tilted his head inquisitively. But Keith shook his head. "I can't say much. It wouldn't be fair to her." 

"That's fair," Lance said. He wrapped his arms around Keith and grinned. "So. Little spoon or big spoon, Koala?" 

Keith smiled back and kissed him gently.

***

Not even Shiro and Adam combined seemed as stressed as Keith was the day of the wedding. 

It was a new side of him to witness. He was sharp, rushed, and was taking no bullshit. Lance thought he'd seen Keith in an authoritative position when he was leading the dance team, but this was another level. 

Even Shiro and Adam weren't safe from his sharp tone. Lance didn't want to interject to calm him down, he just stayed clear of him and tried to run whatever Keith had turned away from momentarily. Alexa had smartly gone to spend the day with Roland.

"We need to get going," Keith said. "I still need to check that the church set things up right-" 

"Babe?" 

"What?" Keith snapped. 

Lance raised an eyebrow. "You're the only one who needs to change now. Your suit is hanging on the closet door; I took it out while you were yelling at the caterer." 

"They had the wrong time!" 

"I know, mi amor," Lance said. "Go on, get dressed so we can leave, I'll usher everyone else. If there's one thing I'm experienced at, it's getting Latinos to the places they need to be." 

Keith sighed and started for his room before reeling back and kissing Lance on the cheek. Then he went to his room. 

Meanwhile, Lance turned to the people crowding the living room. "Okay! I need the grooms with me. Mr. and Mrs. Shirogane, go ahead and head to the church, I need to see your car leaving the street before Keith bursts a vein." 

"That boy is gonna be a disaster for his own wedding, mark my words," Aiko said. "Come on, Maki, let's go." 

They left the house and Lance triumphantly turned to Adam's family. "Bueno, vamos, no se puede llegar tarde a la iglesia!" he said loudly, speaking over them. "Los papás, where are you?" Adam's mom and dad waved slightly. "Perfect, okay give the grooms a kiss, la bendición, and then get going please." 

As the two of them went to hug Shiro and Adam, Lance turned to the rest of the family. A couple sisters and their husbands and kids as well as an elderly woman who kept twirling her cane in her lap. "The rest of you can finish conversations after the ceremony. Time to go, I need all the cars in the driveway gone except for the limo. La boda no puede empezar tarde!" He ushered them out, and somehow the woman with the cane was still faster than them when it came to getting out of the house. 

Adam's parents left shortly after them, and Adam's mom was already crying and trying not to smudge her makeup. 

Lance smiled at the couple and felt excitement course through his body for them. "Okay you two. I need you to get in that limo before Keith comes out of the room unless you want to get yelled at again." 

"You'd think he would be nice to us considering it's our wedding," Shiro said with a sigh. 

Adam snorted. "Have you met your brother? Come on. I'm dying to pop open the champagne." They walked out the door and Lance made his way back to Keith's room. 

He opened the door to see Keith in front of his dresser, messing with his tie frantically. He cursed under his breath and undid the knot before starting over. Lance already saw it going badly before he could scowl and undo it again, so he stepped toward him and turned him around. 

"Let me do it," he said. Keith sighed and dropped his hands. "You know, it's supposed to be a happy day. A day to enjoy yourself and enjoy love. Relax." 

"I want it to be perfect for them." 

"Knowing them, everything else could go wrong, but if their families are here and  _ happy,  _ then it will be." Lance finished the tie and straightened it. "So take a breath and reign it in like… ten percent at least. Yeah?" 

Keith took a breath and turned to grab his suit jacket. "I just- okay. I'll try. But if the photographer is late, I will personally shove his camera up his u-" 

"Mi vida." 

Keith huffed and tugged the lapels of the suit. "I'm fine. Let's go." 

Lance shook his head and followed him out, grabbing Keith's shoes from beside the bed as he did. At the front door, Keith huffed and turned around, but Lance held up the shoes and Keith didn't bother saying anything besides, "I love you." 

Lance smirked. "Te amo. Now put your shoes on." 

\--

Everyone who was supposed to be there was on time, even if just barely. The photographer had been ready before they even arrived, which put him in Keith's good graces. Lance wasn’t sure how they decided to use a Catholic church since Keith didn’t really talk about the Shirogane’s religious beliefs but regardless, the ceremony was beautiful. The pamphlets were trilingual, which Lance had never seen before. The priest kept things in English though, and the whole ceremony seemed to give Keith a chance to breathe. 

Lance had never seen a same sex marriage. Not in a church. It was kind of incredible to watch. He'd heard of it when the law got passed, saw pictures and videos of countless marriages, but they were all in courtrooms or officiated by friends. It was an actual church, with Shiro and Adam at the front in their cream colored suits with bright red carnations pinned to their suit pockets. A priest was giving them his blessing, celebrating their union. 

Keith and Adam's cousin were in an all black suit with a red pocket square. Lance may have been biased, but he felt that Keith pulled off the look much better than the other guy. 

It gave Lance butterflies to see Keith up there. Standing the way he did. Looking so focused on what the priest said. Occasionally, his eyes would meet Lance's and a smile would tug his lips for a moment before he turned his attention away again. 

Lance was a poet, a romantic. So of course, he felt emotional watching the couple exchange vows. He was blotting away tears the moment they got lost in nervous laughter before being able to start their vows. It was beautiful to experience even from the outside. 

They were so sure of their love for each other that they were announcing it to their families, to any higher being that existed. There was something powerful about it, defiant even. Yes, it was a promise of faith and fidelity and commitment, but it also felt like they were telling everyone in the world and whatever higher being there was that their love was unyielding even in the face of adversity. And it was. 

The idea of it made Lance cry a little more, made him itch for a pen, but he kept himself as composed as he could. 

They exchanged their wedding bands and smiled at each other when the priest announced their official union. They kissed even though the priest hadn't said for them to like they do in the movies. The guests all cheered and clapped, maintaining the loud joy as they all filed out of the church. 

The photographer already had the couple posing for photos as family members lined up to congratulate them and get pictures with them as well. It seemed the photographer was more anal about time than Keith because he was able to get most of the photos before stating the rest would have to get done at the reception. 

Unsurprisingly, the reception hall looked amazing. Even though Lance had already seen it the night before, it still left him breathless. Each table had an arrangement on it, modest but gorgeous all the same. Red sashes lined the walls, along with soft lighting fixtures. One table had a big cake on it with pride flags scattered around it. Stringed lights hung from the ceiling like icicles, casting a glow on the room. 

“This is incredible,” Lance whispered as Keith led them to their seats. “I still can’t believe you put this all together.” 

“The hall had it all done, I just had to relay the choices made by the grooms.” He looked around and smiled. “But yeah. It looks magical. Which is perfect for them. Though I could’ve filled the place with garbage and they wouldn’t even realize it.” Lance frowned in confusion before his gaze followed Keith’s to where the newlyweds were sitting, looking entirely wrapped up in each other. 

Once the reception hall filled up with their guests, the photos started up again and the food was served. Shiro and Adam began to walk around for a chance to sit and talk with all their guests. Before they could get far, their first dance was announced. It was a slow song, and the dancefloor was all theirs. The way the lights reflected off of them made it look like a movie, and Lance couldn’t help but sigh. 

He heard a chuckle and turned to see Keith looking at him fondly. “What?” he asked. 

Keith just shook his head and kissed the back of his hand. “You’re adorable.” 

Lance frowned, but he quickly broke into a smile again when Keith shifted closer and wrapped his arms around him. His chin rested on his shoulder comfortably as he softly whispered the lyrics to the song. 

“They fought over the song for weeks, you know?” Keith said. “They had a whole list of songs they wanted to use and couldn’t agree on which one to use.” 

“How did they decide?”

“I’m not sure. They went out for groceries one day and when they came back they were both agreeing to this song, but it wasn’t even on the list.” 

The song ended and everyone clapped before more music filled the space. The dance floor was now available for everyone. 

“Will you dance with me?” Keith asked softly. As if Lance could even dream of saying no. 

“Of course.” 

Keith pulled him up by the hand and led him over. He pulled him in and interlocked their hands before his eyes focused on Lance’s face. There was a gentle look in his eyes as they danced, keeping to one corner of the floor that was all theirs. But there was also something solemn in his gaze. 

Lance sighed and put one hand on his cheek. “Don’t tell me you’re thinking about what my mom said, koala.” Keith let his eyes drift away as his cheeks turned warm under Lance’s palm. “Amor, I told you it doesn’t matter what she thinks-”

“But I care about what you feel. And I know her approval matters-”

“She approves of you.” 

Keith ignored that and continued. “I know that all day today you’ve been swooning over all of this. The suits, the church, the vows. I know  _ you.  _ I know you wanted something like this for yourself.” 

He winced at that comment and let his hand fall to Keith’s shoulder. He thought back to their Fourth of July cookout. When Maya made the comment about expecting a proposal since Thanksgiving and Keith asked Mami why she made that rule about the house to begin with. 

“Well, it’s like letting a stranger inside,” she’d said. “Our home has memories. It’s personal. You don’t share that with just anyone. Marriage means becoming family, becoming part of the memories. What’s the point of a relationship that isn’t working toward marriage? To sleep around, to add names to a list? I don’t need those people in my home.” 

The words had left a bitter taste in Lance’s mouth and Keith had turned a little pink in the face. He’d been quieter after that, no matter how many times Lance tried to tell him that his mom was just… outspoken.

He shrugged and begrudgingly admitted, “Well, yes. But also…. Well, we’ve never done things the traditional way, have we? And it’s worked out just fine. Besides, we’ve only been dating for about four months. My mom is just really excited about you and she has old traditions in her head. You know she took forever to like Maya just because her and Luis were already living together.” 

Keith looked at him in surprise and scoffed. “I can handle your mom not liking me… I think. What I for sure can’t handle is making you unhappy.” 

“You don’t make me unhappy,” Lance said, planting himself firmly to stop the swaying. He narrowed his eyes and tilted Keith’s face toward him. “You make me happy. Happier than I’ve been in a really long time. You already told me that what we have is forever. That’s enough for me.” 

Keith tried to get him dancing again, but Lance wasn’t budging. He sighed and kept his arms around Lance’s torso. “My love, we had a whole argument about this. How can you tell me that suddenly it’s not a big deal? That suddenly you’re on my side?” 

“I don’t know. After what happened in May, I just-. I don’t think I’m all that sure about marriage anymore. With the way I handled the anniversary of her death, I can’t see myself handling marriage.” Lance sighed and put his head on Keith’s shoulder. “I love you. And I like being with you. You promised me forever, and that’s all I want.” 

Keith leaned his head towards Lance’s, his lips skimming his cheek. “Te amo.” He paused for a moment before gently pulling his face up to him, kissing him softly. “Did I ever tell you how much I love the way you look in a suit?” he asked with a smile. 

Lance grinned and bit his lip as he winked at him. Keith responded with a smile that made his nose scrunch up before pulling him in closer as he swayed him back and forth again. 

They danced for a few more songs, enjoying their little corner before going to sit down. Keith didn’t get a chance to catch his breath before his foster mom went up to him and asked if he would dance with her. Lance caught a flash of surprise in his expression before he smiled and nodded. While they went to dance, Keith’s foster dad simply sat where Keith had been sitting. 

Lance wasn’t sure if he was supposed to talk or not. He had yet to get a sense of what kind of man Mr. Shirogane was. The times Lance had met him, he was very quiet and often let his wife do all the talking. It was rare for Keith to talk about his past with them. 

“Are you enjoying the wedding?” Mr. Shirogane asked suddenly. 

Lance sat up straighter and nodded. “Yes, it’s incredible. It’s beautiful, it’s all been really beautiful. Shiro and Adam look so happy.” 

“Keith worked really hard. Takashi would call us and tell us how Keith would organize and get their input before taking over so they wouldn’t stress.” He smiled, looking pleased. “They’ve grown so much as brothers.” 

“Keith did mention he didn’t really like Shiro when he was younger.” 

Mr. Shirogane scoffed. “Keith didn’t talk to any of us for the first six months he lived with us. Not a single word.” Lance’s eyebrows went up. “Takashi would always take him out so he wouldn’t be stuck in his room, but he said Keith never talked. I don’t know what happened exactly, just that the day Keith started talking, it was usually directed to Takashi. They had a rocky time that first year or so Keith started living with us. It surprised me and Aiko when Keith asked if he could live with Shiro when he started college.” Mr. Shirogane looked over to where Aiko was being spun between Keith and Shiro. “Even within the last year, Keith has still been changing and opening up to us. That over there is a sight I ever only dreamed to see.” 

Lance looked over at Keith as he danced with his mom for a few steps before spinning her toward Shiro again. There was a wide smile on his face. A real one. His cheeks were flushed and his previously coiffed hair had become disheveled from how often he ran his hand through it while he waited for Shiro to spin her back toward him. 

He wasn’t sure what to say in response. He felt it would be wrong to ask about more specifics when it came to Keith’s past with them. “It can be hard to get Keith to open up,” he said, recalling his own rocky attempt at getting Keith to open up at first. “Once he does though, he loves with his entire being.” 

Mr. Shirogane nodded and smiled. “He loves hard. He just needs to know people won’t give up on him. That’s what Aiko always said.” He looked back at Lance with that same friendly smile. “I’m glad he has someone in his life who sees that too.” 

Lance smiled back before Keith came back with his mom who was giggling breathlessly. 

“Sit down for a bit,” Keith said with a trace of a smile. “Let me get you some water.” 

Lance watched as Keith disappeared to get water, but his attention was brought back to Aiko as she turned to her husband. “Did you see, Maki? It was so wonderful, I couldn’t stop smiling! Oh goodness, I’m dizzy.” She laughed through that as Keith came back and gave her a glass of water. “Thank you, dear.” 

“You’re welcome.” He chuckled as he tried to smooth the hair that had come out of her clasp and stuck up. “Hold on, Mama.” Lance smiled as Keith used gentle fingers to undo the clasp and finger comb her hair back before reclasping the barrette. “There you go.” 

“Thank you, my sweet boy,” she said, squeezing his hand.

Keith’s expression softened before he sat down on the other side of Lance. He seemed to light up with his parents in a way that Lance had never seen before. 

“Finally relaxing a bit, son?” Mr. Shirogane teased. 

Keith smiled and drank some water from the glass he’d left at the table. “All the planning is done, so yep. Though they should be cutting the cake soon, and Takashi said he still needs a picture with me.” He tugged on Lance’s arm and smiled. “Come with me?” 

“Yeah, sure,” Lance said, standing up to follow him. He looked at Keith with a soft smile as they walked until Keith raised an eyebrow at him. “You look happy.” 

Keith's cheeks turned pink. “I’ve never danced with my mom before. The way she laughed with me and Shiro just….” The word caught in his throat, but because it was Keith, he didn’t break any further than that. He just swallowed and smiled nervously.

“I get it, mi amor.” He pinched Keith’s cheek playfully, laughing at the sudden shock that flickered over Keith’s face. “I love you.” 

Keith smiled and kissed his cheek. “Te amo.” 

They stood aside as other guests posed for their photos before Shiro waved them both over. Although Keith hated pictures, he didn't seem so tense about them as the camera flashed a couple times. He hugged his brother while Lance waited beside him before smiling at the newlyweds. 

“Congratulations, you guys, I’m really happy for you,” Lance said as he hugged them both.

He moved aside with Keith as more people went up to Shiro and Adam. Keith led him over to an empty table, his grip tight around Lance’s hand. 

“Hey… will you… stay with me tonight?”

Lance frowned and tilted Keith’s face toward him, catching the glint of tears in his eyes as the lights from the dancefloor reflected off them. “Of course, mi amor. What’s… what’s wrong?” 

Keith sniffed and laughed at himself. “It’s stupid,” he whispered. Lance took his other hand and held them together, waiting patiently. Keith let out a sigh and shrugged. “Shiro’s been my brother for about eight years. And it took a long time for me to see how much he cares about me. To care about him. I feel like it was just starting to really feel normal, you know? Like real brothers, with- with a history….” His voice began to waver, and Lance had to lean in closer to hear him. “With dumb stories about doing stupid shit together and having petty fights over the remote and all that. Now he’s… going away. And I gotta get used to that all over.” 

He wiped a tear from his cheek angrily before scoffing. “That’s why I hated Adam so much when they met. I was just getting to a place where I… loved being Shiro’s brother. And then he came along and Shiro’s time got divided and I blamed Adam.” Lance smiled sympathetically, understanding how that could feel. “I know they’re not leaving or anything. I know it doesn’t change that Shiro’s still technically my foster brother. I’m just really tired of things changing and…. I don’t know. I’m gonna miss living with him.” 

“Mi cielo,” Lance whispered, tucking a stray lock back to the rest of the mussed up hair. “That’s not stupid. That’s a completely valid way to feel. You know how you say that you like the way I feel things? How much I feel?” Keith nodded, wiping another tear away. “Well, you’re similar to me in that, you know?” The face Keith made was comical, and Lance had to laugh as he mimicked the confused and surprised expression. “Think about it. It might take time to get you to trust, to bring your walls down, but… when they’re down, you love and care about the person with everything you’ve got. You love hard, Keith. It’s what makes being loved by you so amazing. It took time for you to trust Shiro as your brother, but he’s there now. He’s not your foster brother, he’s your real brother. For the rest of your life.” 

Lance wiped the tears that streaked down his cheeks with careful touches before he used a table napkin to wipe his nose gently. He smiled at him and worked on getting his hair to resemble the loose quiff it had been at the start of the festivities. 

“It makes sense to miss him, and you don’t have to feel bad for it. It’s gonna take getting used to. But one day things are gonna stop changing so much. He’s still permanent in your life now. Just like your parents. Just like Kosmo. Just like me,” Lance promised. He kissed Keith softly and tilted his chin up. “Shiro’s lucky to have a brother who loves him so much. And don’t worry- everyone cries at weddings.”

Keith smiled meekly before hugging Lance and hiding his face in his neck, still sniffing. “I love you. With all my heart.” 

Lance kissed his temple. “Te amo incondicionalmente.” 

Keith lifted his head and furrowed his eyebrows. “Unconditionally?” Lance nodded with a wide grin that Keith mirrored. He pulled Lance into a kiss. When he pulled away, he took his hand. “Let’s enjoy the party.”

They spent the night dancing and eating cake and laughing. It was kind of incredible to see Shiro dancing because as often as Lance saw him, he was used to the big, brooding, older brother vibe he usually gave off. They only left because the hall was closing, and even then, they spent a good amount of time in the parking lot with goodbyes on the tip of their tongues. 

Keith was suddenly pulled from his side when Shiro wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightly. “Today was perfect, Hippo!” He let him go and smiled at him with a hand on his shoulders. “Thank you for everything. You were the best best man anyone could ask for.” 

Lance stepped back to give them some space, busying himself with watching everyone else disperse slowly. 

By the time Keith got back to him, his eyes were red and shiny. Without another word, he found his place in Lance’s arms and stayed there for a while before taking a deep breath and whispering, “Let’s go.” 

The ride back to Keith’s was quiet. He took Kosmo outside and told Lance to go ahead and get whatever clothes he needed from the closet. 

But Lance busied himself with looking at the latest additions to the corkboard Keith had. There was a folded note pinned to the top with familiar misshapen handwriting, dried out and pressed purple flowers taped over a pamphlet for his final dance performance, and even some printed photos. He smiled and pulled away to take his jacket off before folding it neatly over a chair. 

He moved to the closet to find a shirt to sleep in, but before he could start changing, he felt a tug on the suspenders he was wearing. He stumbled backwards until his back hit Keith’s chest. They snapped back into place lightly as Keith whispered in his ear, “I didn’t know you were wearing these. You make them look really good.” 

“Didn’t know you were a fan.” 

“Didn’t know I was either.” He tugged on Lance’s belt loops to spin him around. “I’ll have to find excuses to get you into suits more often.” 

The comment made Lance roll his eyes. “In that case, you might want to consider bowties.” He tugged on Keith’s tie, pulling him forward to close the space between them with a kiss. “I love you,” he whispered. 

“Te amo,” Keith responded softly. Instead of pulling away to let him change, he just stood there, staring at Lance. It was a soft gaze, one that had become very familiar, but never failed to make Lance blush and duck his head as he bit back a nervous smile. Keith’s hands fell from the straps of his suspenders to his waist. “Wanna know something?” Keith asked. 

“What?” 

Keith’s cheeks turned pink as he lowered his gaze. “I tried praying again. When we were at the church. It was kind of weird without you next to me, but…. Look, I don’t know if it’s God or  _ a  _ god or what, but…. I think I know why you said you felt our paths were destined to cross when they did. I don’t know how much longer I would’ve managed living the way I did. And since you’ve come into my life, things have been better. It’s not always directly because of you, but I don’t know, I guess it’s easier to see when you’re with me. And whoever or whatever it is listening to me when I pray, I’m just… thankful for you.” 

“Keith….” Lance wasn’t sure what to say to any of that. 

The fact that Keith had tried to pray again felt monumental to him. It had felt special when Keith asked him to teach him how to do it, but knowing he did it on his own made Lance’s heart burst. It told him how much Keith cared about him. Not that he ever doubted it after everything, but… the reaffirmation was nice. 

Keith kissed him softly and bumped their noses together. “I’d do anything for you, Lance McClain. Anything to keep you, to show my love for you, to make you happy. You know that, right?” His voice was soft, the breath of it caressing Lance’s face gently. Keith’s scent muddled his senses. His touch seeped into his bones. 

Lance swallowed and blinked to keep the tears from forming in his eyes. “I do,” he whispered. “And you know I’d do anything for you.” 

His words were met with a gorgeous grin and a scrunched up nose. “Kiss me?” 

It was said as a question, but it shouldn’t have been. Lance surged forward, cupping Keith’s face as he pressed his lips against his. He huffed when Keith’s fingers curled into his belt loops to press his body closer. He responded to it by parting his lips and relearning every part of Keith’s mouth.

Ever since his breakdown, Keith had been so careful with him. Not in a way that made him feel fragile- Keith would never do that. Keith was careful about how he touched Lance in a way that was more… reverent. Maintaining boundaries out of respect and patience rather than the uncertainty of Lance’s reactions. 

But he didn’t want him to be careful anymore. He missed the feeling of being wrapped in his arms tightly enough that their body heat seeped into one, missed the marks along his neck that told the world someone had worshipped him, missed the breathlessness of their encounters regardless of how far they went. 

He wanted to be ravished, devoured, savored.

Without another word, Lance pulled away and hooked his fingers into the loosened knot of tie to tug him out of the closet. Keith followed with an arched eyebrow. 

“Before you ask me a dozen times- as grateful as I am for your concern and the way you check in- I wanna do this. So only stop me if  _ you  _ don’t want to.” 

“What?” 

Lance checked Keith’s wrist and smiled when he saw a thin hair tie. He still wore it despite his recent haircut, and now it came in handy for Lance. He began unbuckling Keith’s belt and unbuttoned his pants. 

“I- Oh! Oh…. A-are you sure?” Lance rolled his eyes and raised an eyebrow as he pushed his pants down to let them fall to his ankles. “I just… want to be sure- Oh!” He grunted in surprise when Lance pushed him onto the bed. 

“I’m sure,” he said with a smile as he ran his hands down Keith’s thighs before parting his knees. “Can I borrow this?” He tugged at the hair tie on Keith’s wrist, making his hand move limply. Keith nodded slowly, transfixed by him. Lance pulled the hair tie off his wrist and pushed the wavy locks of hair that liked to fall into his eyes back. 

When his hair was up, Keith chuckled and bit his lip. Lance hummed in question and Keith reached over to touch the tuft of loose curls. “It’s like a little palm tree.” 

“Shut up,” Lance said with a laugh. He tugged Keith’s boxers down and started pressing kisses to his inner thigh. His hands spread up his thigh to his hip, pushing his shirt up before he started unbuttoning it slowly from the top.

He pushed it off his shoulders, let it stay draped over his arms. He looked like a god splayed out like that. His eyes were honed in on Lance, watching his movements, his expressions. But Lance wanted him to take. Needed him to be okay with taking. 

He ran his hands down his torso, biting his lip as he watched the way Keith took calculated breaths. He lowered himself to let his breaths ghost over Keith, his eyes flickering up to Keith. 

“Fuck,” Keith whispered. “You can’t just look at me like that, pretty boy. You’re gonna ruin me.” 

“I hope so,” Lance said with a smirk. 

Keith gulped, but before he could answer, Lance put his tongue to work. It didn’t take long before Keith’s hand was trying to course through his hair. He cursed and pulled the hair tie off, replacing it with his fingers. They tightened at the roots of his hair, making Lance let out a muffled moan at the sting. Keith’s other hand went to his cheek, fingertips caressing shakily as he bit his lip and watched. 

The way they traced over his skin tickled. It felt so gentle, clashing with the way he pulled at his hair and the groans that built in his chest. When Lance felt he was riled up enough, just a few steps from that precipice, he pulled away.

“No, no, no, don’t- don’t stop, sweetheart.” 

The underlying whine in his voice made Lance dizzy. Still, he remained where he was. “You can’t finish yet.” 

“Why?” 

Lance scoffed and tilted his head with a patient smile. He stood and pushed his suspenders off to unbuckle his own belt and let his pants drop with his boxers. “Is that really a question?” 

“ _ Oh-h,  _ God.” Keith took a deep breath as Lance stepped forward to straddle him, running his hands over the recently buzzed down sides before sliding his fingers through the longer locks on top. “Sometimes I can’t believe you’re mine to love,” he whispered. 

The comment threw Lance off, making him suddenly blush as he hid his face and wrapped his arms around Keith. “All yours, mi amor,” he whispered in his ear. “Keith?” He hummed as his lips skimmed Lance’s neck. “Love me. Love me without holding back.” 

“I do.” 

Lance chuckled and rolled his hips forward. “Not what I meant.” 

“O-oh.” Keith nudged him back so he could look him in the eyes. “Are you sure?” Lance groaned, and Keith shook his head. “Last time I’ll ask, I promise. You know it goes like always- we stop if we need to, no questions asked. You tell me what’s good and what’s not. But I just… it’s been a while, darling. So… are you sure?” 

Lance pressed his forehead against Keith’s, letting himself settle into the silence of the moment. Let himself bask in how much Keith cared about him. He took a deep breath and nodded slowly. “I’m sure. And I promise, if I need to stop, I’ll tell you. Right away. And you’ll do the same?” Keith nodded. Lance put his hand to his cheek, brushing his thumb along his cheekbone. “You don’t have to be so gentle with me, mi vida. I trust you.” He pulled Keith’s hands to his lips and kissed them. “I trust you with all of me.”

Keith smiled and pressed his thumb against Lance’s lower lip. “I trust you too. I wanna give you what you want. But can I build up to it?” Lance nodded slowly, breathing out shakily against Keith’s knuckles. “Will you lay down for me?” 

Lance got off of Keith slowly and laid down on the bed with his head on the pillows. Keith turned to settle over him, shedding his shirt and tie and letting them fall to the floor. He leaned down to kiss Lance as his fingers slowly unbuttoned his shirt, his fingers hovering over the exposed skin. 

“Can I mark?” Keith asked softly, lipks skimming his jaw. 

“Yes. Please,” Lance breathed out. 

Lance bit on his lip as a hot tongue trailed down his neck. He wrapped his legs around Keith, and let out an impatient groan. Keith responded by going boneless and wrapping his arms tighter around Lance as his head rested on his chest. 

He didn't move from there. His arms remained tight, tucked under Lance's body as he held him.

He didn't say anything, but Lance felt it. In the way he nuzzled his cheek against his chest and the soft sigh that left his lips. It was… nice, the way they fit together. Bare skin against bare skin, warm and soft. 

A finger traced down his arm, giving him goosebumps. 

A breathy little laugh skimmed over his chest. 

"Your heart sped up," Keith whispered. 

"Yeah, it does that when you touch me." Lance ran his hands through his dark hair, his fingers still getting used to the missing length. 

Keith pulled himself up and planted a long, hot kiss on his lips before smiling down at him. "So beautiful." He traced a finger down his chest to just above his belly button. Then he brushed his knuckles against the fine line of hair leading down, making Lance shut his eyes slowly. 

He tugged slowly, drawing out the feeling until Lance's breath had turned deep to keep himself somewhat under control. It wasn't easy when Keith dipped down to kiss a spot above his collarbone that made his mouth fall open with a moan. 

"Turn over for me, pretty boy." He pulled away far enough to give Lance the space to move. 

Lance felt his gaze on him as he rolled over and pulled himself up on his knees. He nuzzled into the pillow, getting himself comfortable as Keith’s hands soothed over his backside. There was a slight dip in the mattress as Keith moved to go to his drawer and another as he came back. 

Soft, warm lips pressed to the base of his spine, making Lance let out a soft hum. He buried his face in the pillow when he felt Keith’s tongue, hot and slow against such an intimate part of him. 

When Keith said he wanted to build up to it, he should’ve known exactly how slow it would be. But slow didn’t mean it wasn’t satisfying. It was incredible how Keith knew exactly what to do to unravel him. To make him have to lift his head from the pillow before he suffocated himself with how heavily he needed to breathe. To make him arch his back and curse as his hands gripped the comforter and his toes curled against his will. 

“You holding back, pretty boy? Or have I lost my touch?” Keith asked as he pressed a finger against him. 

Lance responded with a surprised yelp before laughing. “You most definitely haven’t lost your touch,” Lance said breathlessly, his cheek searching for a cold spot on the pillow. 

Keith hummed, sounding a little suspicious. Lance felt something cold and he flinched slightly, but Keith held his hips in place. “Don’t move,” he whispered. “Keep your head up from the pillow, okay?” 

Lance nodded and pulled himself up on his hands. The hand that had been holding his hips flattened out to caress his back in approval. His finger slid in slowly and with it, Lance felt the body heat of Keith pressing up against him, slotting one leg between his as he arched over and kissed his spine. 

"Your body drives me crazy,” Keith whispered. Lance’s arms were beginning to shake. “The way your freckles make you your own galaxy and how you’re always so warm…. The way you fit perfectly in my hands.” Keith bit his shoulder hard enough for it to sting, but only for a second. “Against my mouth. God, I wanna hold you forever.” Lance let his head fall forward as warmth crept along his neck and spread to his shoulders then further down to the core of his stomach. 

“Ke-Keith, I’m-  _ fuck.”  _

“Yeah, I know what you want.” He felt a gentle nuzzle against his shoulder blade. “But I wanna be sure you don’t get hurt first.” Lance let out a sharp moan when he felt a wider stretch and a more persistent press. He fell to his elbows and Keith let out a breathy laugh against him. “There you are.” 

Lance reached a hand back to get a hold of Keith. His fingers skimmed his face, and Keith pressed a kiss into his palm. “I can handle more,” Lance said with punched out breaths. “Keith,  _ please.”  _

“Trust me I want to hurry, but I’m not going to hurt you. Let me do this part right, and I’ll do everything you want after, okay?” Keith pulled back, placing a hand at Lance’s hip before letting his fingers work. 

The promise in Keith’s voice, the soothing tone of his words…. Lance felt his heart somersault in his chest. He could bask in this. In the way Keith treated him. Loved him. Cared for him. That against the demands of their bodies, Keith maintained control and put Lance and his comfort above it all. Put him first without question or frustration. 

Lance’s breaths sped up as another finger stretched him open, pressing and searching for the spot that would make him boneless. 

Instead of pleading, Lance turned to praising Keith’s actions. To moaning out his approval as the gentle touches spiked the heat of his body, the need, the desire. The words fell from his mouth without restraint, turning into mindless babbling because he couldn’t focus on anything that wasn’t the heat coursing through his body. 

“Okay, sweetheart, breathe for me, alright?” Lance nodded and tried to get a grip on himself. 

Keith slid into him with surprising ease and it punched the breath out of Lance. 

“Shit, shit, shit,” Keith cursed above him. “Don’t put your head on the pillow.” 

Lance let out a half groan, too overwhelmed by his heartbeat, the press of Keith’s body against his own, the familiar feeling of being enveloped so completely by him. His scent was in the bed, and it was part of the reason he’d pushed his face into the covers.

A hand snaked over his shoulder and against his throat, pulling him up gently. “Don’t make me say it,” Keith whispered. 

“Say… what?” Lance asked, struggling to get his tongue to work and form words.

Keith pulled out and pushed back in slowly. “I wanna hear you.” 

Lance couldn’t help but laugh through his moan. It was so satisfying to hear that from him. The irony of it wasn't lost on Lance. 

Keith's thumb slipped into his mouth, pressing his jaw down as he snapped his hips, making Lance jolt forward. "What do you want?" Keith asked. 

He wanted so many things. He wanted to be unable to think of anything that wasn't Keith. He wanted to get lost in him. Wanted the world to melt away until it was just the small universe they'd made for each other. He wanted Keith to give into carnal instincts without reserve. He wanted to be Keith's canvas. 

The thumb in his mouth made it hard to answer, so he pushed back against Keith's hips, letting out a low groan at the surprising shiver it caused in him. He started to move his hips again before Keith pulled back to still him. 

"Easy, love. Gotta be careful so this doesn't end earlier than we want." His grip tightened as he allowed himself to speed up a bit, making the bed squeak rhythmically.

Meanwhile Lance felt himself slowly sliding lower and lower until he was pulling the comforter with his hands, garbled moans and pleas for more getting louder.

"Yes, yes, yes,  _ yes, yes."  _ Lance let out a frustrated growl into the mattress as Keith slowed. 

He turned his head to the side to see Keith grab onto the headboard with one hand, hovering over him as the other repositioned itself to hold him better. The bed springs protested when Keith picked up his pace, and Lance was certain one of them snapped by his knees. And the headboard…. With Keith grabbing it so tightly, it moved with him, thudding harshly against the wall with each thrust. 

Lance's eyes rolled back as he let his body get overwhelmed. He felt Keith pull at his hips to meet his own, and even with his face pressed into the pillow, Lance couldn't silence the desperate moans punched out of him. 

"Touch me," he gasped, pressing his cheek into the bed. "Please- close-  _ fuck!"  _

Instead, Keith slowed again and pulled out of him, but Lance didn't have it in him to complain. He needed to catch his breath. 

He felt Keith's hands turn him onto his back, gently spreading Lance's legs to settle between them. 

"Look at me, pretty boy." 

Lance opened his eyes and bit his lip as he took in the expression on Keith's face. The darkness of his eyes which were more pupil than iris, the redness of his lip from where he must have been biting it, and the soft crimson hue of his chest. 

But it was the look in his eyes that made Lance speechless. The look of such raw love and adoration. Reverence and veneration. One of his hands caressed the side of Lance's face. His thumb caught on his lower lip and trailed the curve. 

"Don't laugh at me," Keith whispered. Lance furrowed his eyebrows, much to Keith's amusement apparently. He smiled and pressed his thumb to the crease between his brows, smoothing it out before leaning down to kiss him. His tongue was gentle and he didn't even fully pull away from his lips before he spoke again. "I wanna make love to you." 

Lance's eyes widened as his cheeks grew hot. His eyes crossed to get a decent look at Keith's face. His eyes were screwed shut, his face pulled into a nervous wince. 

He wrapped his arms around Keith's neck and bumped their noses together. "I thought that's what we were doing," he said lightly, trying not to show the way the words had made his heartbeat increase exponentially. 

Keith hummed in disagreement. "I mean slow. I wanna pull you apart and love every fucking inch of you." He pulled Lance's legs higher and lined himself up. He met Lance's gaze as he pushed in slower, rolling his hips to press deeper than his faster movements had allowed. Lance let his jaw drop as his hands clung to Keith's shoulders. "Can I?" 

Lance nodded, staring up at Keith in awe as he felt the slow drag of his length. He bit down on his lip and slid his hands across Keith’s back as his legs pressed against his sides. “Ke-Keith….” Keith’s nose nuzzled into his neck as he hummed in question. “Kiss me. Please, kiss-” 

He felt Keith’s lips against him immediately along with the slow roll of his hips. Their pants and moans mingled together to make a single breath, each sound echoed into the other’s mouth. Lance put one of his hands against Keith’s cheek and Keith tilted his head to press into the touch. 

“I love you,” Keith swore breathlessly. His hips pushed forward, making Lance cry out as his back arched up. Keith stayed there and took the chance to press kisses against Lance’s neck. “So, so fucking much.” 

He pulled Keith’s face down to press their foreheads together. He looked into Keith’s eyes. Gorgeous, magnificent, captivating eyes that always managed to make his heart skip a beat. From the first time their eyes had locked across the yard. Keith, and every single part of Keith- past, present, future, eyes, body, heart, soul, mind- was Lance’s to love forever. Lance cupped his face, speaking through trembling breaths. “Te amaré para siempre, mi vida.” 

Reality began to slip away. Lance’s brain could only be aware of Keith and everything about him. The way his soft grunts tickled against his skin. The soft kisses he left against his throat. His scent as Lance buried his face in his neck when he felt so overwhelmed, he needed Keith as a tether. The heat his body made and the way it became Lance’s. The precise, slow movements of his body and the way he let one hand roam along his skin. The huskiness of his laughter when Lance asked for a pause because he was getting a leg cramp. How his lips never really left his skin when he waited for the cramp to pass by peppering Lance’s shoulders with kisses.

He was enveloped in Keith in every possible way. It left Lance dizzy and lightheaded and… overwhelmed. In a good way. In a way that reminded him how real it all was. He would spend the night in Keith’s arms, knowing that he was wanted there. No one had ever loved Keith the way Lance loved him, and that was an honor. Being the one to love Keith right, the way he always deserved…. Keith had let him be the one to do it.

“Mi amor,” Lance whispered.

“Yeah, darling?”

“Can we…?” Keith furrowed his eyebrows, immediately pulling away to put some distance between them before Lance sat up and pulled him closer by his arm. “I wasn’t gonna ask to stop.” 

“Oh. Okay. So… what did you want to do?” 

Lance bit his lip and kissed him softly before nudging him. “Sit against the headboard.” 

Keith did and the corners of his mouth quirked up into a smile as Lance followed to straddle him. “Hey there,” he whispered against Lance’s mouth. 

“Hi,” Lance answered with a grin. “I wanted to be able to hold each other. Without suffocating from the heat of the covers.” 

Keith laughed and wrapped his arms around Lance’s waist. “I should remember to put the AC lower when we have sex. You’re always feeling overheated.” Lance scrunched his nose up and huffed as he bumped their heads together softly. Keith only chuckled and kissed his cheek. “How’s the cramp?” 

“Gone. Ready to keep making love?” 

Keith blushed and pinched Lance’s butt in retaliation, making him yelp and jerk forward. “I told you not to make fun of me!” he groaned

“I’m not!” Lance said, despite the laughter he had to speak through. “I promise.” He kissed Keith in apology. “I actually think it was very sweet. It’s special. Because this is ours.” He pressed his hand to Keith’s chest, over his heart. Felt the quick thumps under his palm. “You’re the first and only person I’ve made love to. And I kind of love knowing you see it that way.” 

“Hmm. You’ve got a way with words, pretty boy,” Keith whispered, against his lips. “Come here.” He pulled him in closer, and they wrapped their arms around each other tightly as Lance lowered himself, their resulting gasps swallowed into a breathless kiss. 

It wasn’t just warmth pooling in Lance’s stomach; it was light. Resplendent, getting brighter and brighter, fueled by Keith’s touch and his sounds and his proclamations of love. The light curled itself around his limbs, spread from each point of contact with Keith, pulsed with each gasp and moan that fell from his own lips. 

When the heat and light burst, Lance felt weightless. His head was muddled, hazy. He anchored himself back with Keith’s kiss as his hands continued to move Lance’s hips. It was just below too much, but Lance’s mind was still catching up. He let out soft grunts each time Keith pushed into him until Keith went still and collapsed against the headboard. He kept his iron grip on Lance’s hipbone as he caught his breath and Lance busied himself with pushing back the rebellious strands of hair sticking to Keith's sweaty forehead with trembling fingers. 

“I love you,” Lance whispered tiredly, nosing against his cheek. 

Keith responded by finding Lance’s lips for a kiss. “Te amo….” He sighed and grunted to lift Lance off and help him lay down. “Give me a second, okay, love?” 

Lance nodded and closed his eyes, taking the chance to catch his breath. He felt the bed shift when Keith came back. A towel rubbed against his stomach before Keith parted his legs to clean him up a bit more. 

“Still with me?” Keith asked. Lance opened his eyes and nodded, a loopy smile on his face as he basked in the gentle hum of post-orgasm bliss. Keith chuckled and shifted to lay down, propped himself up on his elbows. He put one finger against Lance’s nose. Lance wasn’t sure what he was doing as he looped his finger across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose until he said, “All of my favorite constellations are right here.” 

Lance bit his lip and turned to bite his finger, but Keith pulled his hand away with a laugh. “Cheesy,” Lance whispered. 

Keith just smiled and leaned down to rest his chin on Lance’s chest. “I gotta tell you something,” he said after a while. Lance hummed, taking to running his fingers along the dip and curve of Keith’s spine lightly. “I know you started writing poetry again.” 

“ _ What?”  _ Lance sat up so fast, it hurt his lower back and made him dizzy, and even Keith winced and rubbed his jaw as he sat up too. 

“Easy. It’s okay. I figured you would tell me when you were ready to. I’m not mad. But it’s also been a while, and…. I didn’t know if you were beating yourself up about it or something.” 

Lance stared at Keith with wide, confused eyes. “How? How did you know?”

Keith smiled and pulled Lance’s hand up to his cheek, leaning into his palm. “The pen smears on your hands and arms. You’d never written on yourself before. How you’d randomly ask me what the word was for something. How lately you always have a pen tucked behind your ear or in your back pocket even though you’re not doing school work anymore.” Keith shrugged. “I also saw the journal I gave you on your desk. The edges of the first half of pages look used.” 

“Oh.” Lance laughed weakly and shrugged. “Well, there goes half the surprise, I guess.” Keith tilted his head in question. “I was gonna surprise you. But I’ll just have to settle for making you wait to read what I’ve written.” 

Keith hesitated for a second before scooting closer and pressing his lips to Lance's shoulder. "You've written for me?" 

He asked it as though it were unfathomable. There was disbelief in his voice, a quietness that relayed how nervous he was to hope as much. 

"Of course I have. For you. About you. To you." Lance tilted Keith's face back up to him. "How could I not?" 

His eyes were glistening, purple irises shimmering as his nose turned cherry red. "I don't know," he whispered, his voice breaking. 

Lance kissed him softly before tucking himself against Keith's chest. "When it comes to poetry… Allura made it easy, but you made it possible again." He kept his voice soft and his hand over Keith's heart. "There's so much about us that was dying to be written. If it wasn't for you I don't know if I'd have found my voice again." 

There had been a time when Lance worried about his words being recycled. The things he wrote for Allura seemed to be echoed into what he had with Keith. But he was wrong. 

The words weren't recycled. They were just what he knew at the time. An entry way to find more words, more phrases, more metaphors, more sounds. All of them building into the new things he discovered with Keith. They were familiar enough to step into before unlocking this entirely new experience that gave him a chance to create again. 

"I can only imagine how many poems I'm gonna end up writing about tonight," Lance said. He felt Keith's arms wrap tighter around him. "You brought poetry back into my life, mi amor. There's gonna be a piece of you in all of it." 

"I love you, Lance." He let the words out in a single breath, barely audible. There was a sniff at the end of his words that told Lance he was still crying. 

He pulled himself up to look at Keith, wiping a thumb against his cheek. "Te amo…. Are these happy tears, príncipe?" 

Keith shut his eyes and shrugged. "I think. But I still feel heavy." He reached up to touch Lance's face as Lance waited patiently for Keith to figure out the words. "I guess… I still can't believe that someone as good as you came into my life. Much less that you want me as much as you do. At the same time, I  _ do  _ believe it. Because that's what makes sense and because it's so… so tangible in everything you do and say to me." Keith let out a shaky breath as more tears fell down his cheeks. "The idea of you writing poetry about me was… I just never thought I'd feel so… certain about someone and what they feel for me. I have… a-absolutely no doubts when it comes to you…. And that feels- it feels so good, Lance." 

He pressed his face against Lance's palm as he squeezed his eyes shut. Lance leaned down to kiss his wet cheek. "I know, mi cielo. I know what you mean." He smiled as he bumped his nose against Keith's. "Here, let me get the covers. You get to be the little spoon." 

Keith scoffed with a smile and wiped his cheeks as he sat up. Lance stood to turn the lights off before he pulled the covers away. He scooped Keith into his arms, running his hand up and down his spine when Keith settled against him. 

Warm breaths brushed against his neck with an occasional sniff. Lance thought he'd fallen asleep, but then Keith wrapped one leg around Lance's and cuddled in closer. "You know what's crazy?" he whispered. 

"What?"

"Now I can say I know what being in love feels like."

Lance laughed into his hair and hugged him tightly.

\--

Lance had spent most of the following week trying to figure out a way to implement the surprise aspect of his poetry again. In reality, he had an idea in mind, one which he’d considered from the start before scrapping it. Each time he considered it, his stomach twisted in knots and a familiar quiver settled in his bones. 

It took Hunk and Pidge talking him into it before he could face himself and recognize that this concept he’d pushed to the very back of his mind was the one plan of action that made sense. He spent the next few days with his face buried into his journal. Thankfully, Keith never tried to peek or ask what he was writing. He just gave him space and smiled whenever he caught Lance’s pensive gaze. 

It all just made Lance love him more. It made him more certain about what he wanted to do. 

It was a Thursday night. Specially calculated by Lance to be sure they didn’t have to work the next morning, that he had enough time to prepare in every way possible, and to be sure Hunk and Pidge were able to join them because he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t completely chicken out at the last minute. 

Lance was at his apartment, staring at himself in the mirror. Or rather, staring at the cologne bottle on the counter. He took a deep breath as he asked himself whether he was able to handle it, whether it would be a good idea. 

He sniffed the nozzle, but the scent wasn’t really there anymore after being unused for so long. He sighed and pointed it away, spritzing it into the air. He sniffed at the air, expecting to get hit with a wave of pain or a twist in his gut…. Instead it felt like the day he last visited Coran- sad in its nostalgia but comforting in its familiarity. 

With his plans, it almost felt like a nudge for him. Telling him it would all be okay. It felt like… Allura. Like suddenly she was standing in front of him with that encouraging smile. It wasn’t something he wanted to push away anymore. 

He sprayed it onto his shirt and against his wrist, getting enveloped in the scent. It gave him whiplash, but after a second of sitting on the edge of the tub, he was able to stand back up. He looked at himself in the mirror again, with a vague memory of Allura’s arms around him tugging at his memory. 

“Here we go,” he whispered to himself. Then, partially in prayer to God and partially talking to Allura in his head, he added, “Please don’t let me flop.” 

He waited for Keith in the living room, pacing back and forth to get rid of the anxiety. When he heard the knock on the door, he got up and opened it, feeling some of his nervousness ease up at the sight of Keith. 

“Hey, darling,” he said with that gentle twang and a gorgeously crooked smile. 

“Hola, mi amor,” Lance said with an excited smile as he leaned in to kiss him. 

“Mm, you smell nice. New cologne?” 

“No actually,” he said. But before Keith could ask or catch on, he closed the door behind them and locked it. “Ready to go?” 

“Yep. You said Hunk and Pidge were meeting us there?” Lance nodded and followed him down to his car. 

As they drove, Lance felt his stomach tighten more and more. His mouth felt dry, very possibly locked shut so that he couldn’t even respond much whenever Keith talked. He tried to keep his knee from bobbing too obnoxiously, but the energy just moved further down to his foot. 

“Remind me why you didn’t want to just wait for your actual birthday to come? You can’t even get a drink yet.” 

“Because I’m probably going home for my birthday. Plus, our time off of work doesn’t always intersect. Also the guest poets they were advertising today seemed really cool,” Lance said, trying to reel himself back before he started rambling too much. “Besides, the idea of being legally allowed to buy alcohol in public doesn’t feel very major.” 

Keith chuckled and shrugged. “Well, I still think we should do something on your birthday after or before the giant party your family will probably throw you. Is that a parking spot?” Lance leaned over and nodded. 

Spider House. Lance recalled the awe, wonder, and sense of longing he felt the last time he was there. Despite it being a Thursday night, the space was filled up with quite a few people, all sitting at tables or standing at the bar with drinks in hand. 

Hunk and Pidge were already there, having saved a booth as promised. Lance wondered how early they’d gotten there to be sure they had good seats. 

“Hey guys,” Pidge greeted. “We went ahead and ordered sodas for you.” 

Keith thanked them and sat down with Lance sliding in next to him. Lance didn’t want to touch his soda. He was scared he’d drink too much and have to pee or that maybe he’d start choking on it or that it would be too cold and he’d end up having a coughing fit. 

With each poet who went up, Lance felt his limbs get weaker and weaker. Part of him wondered if he was going to pass out if he even tried to stand. 

“Love, are you okay?” Keith whispered in his ear. “Do you want to leave?” 

“No, no I’m okay. I’m just… taking it all in.” 

Keith nodded and wrapped his arm around Lance’s torso to pull him in and rest his head on his shoulder. 

After a few more performers, the host for the night went up to the microphone. “Alright, how’s everybody feeling?” The crowd responded with a cheer. “That’s what I like to hear! Okay, our next poet is new to the Spider House, so I want everyone to please give a big warm welcome to Lance McClain!” 

“What?” 

Lance gulped and stood up before he could think about it too much. He walked toward the stage as the host guided him to the stairs with a smile. “All yours,” she said, gesturing to the mic stand. 

“Thanks,” he said nervously. He walked up to the microphone, taking in all the people looking at him. Keith was frozen in the booth, staring at the stage in shock while Hunk and Pidge were both biting their nails. “Hi everyone,” he said into the mic. “Uh… It’s been a long time since I’ve been on a stage and… recited anything, so I’m so nervous I think my legs are visibly shaking.” He cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair. The movement made his cologne waft toward him and he took another deep breath to root himself. “This is new shit-” 

A chorus of people yelling back, “New shit!” interrupted him. It was familiar and encouraging and it made him smile. 

He dug into his pocket and pulled out a copy of the poem he’d revised time and time again. “I think I’ve got it memorized, but… like I said, it’s been a while, so….” A cheer from the back made him smile again as he shut his eyes. 

“There was a time when, my mouth gave way to words as easily as, my lungs breathed. I wrote about my aunt’s curly hair and my first crush, I wrote about the confusing cracks in my voice and the strange way my sister got angry at everything. Then I wrote about a girl, so beautiful she redefined existing.” Lance paused and took a shaky breath, preparing himself for the next line, for bringing the memory out for everyone else to feel. “The day I lost her I lost, my words- I tried to fit my grief my sorrow into pages, too thin to hold them. My words tasted….” Lance gulped and clenched his fist pressing it to his chest. 

A few scattered claps encouraged him. He heard Hunk call out, “You got this, Lance!” 

He took a breath again and swallowed. “My words tasted like the dirt that slipped, from my fingers and into her grave.” His words began to shake, and he knew he couldn’t stop it, so he just tried to keep going. “They tasted like the last kiss, I shared with her, they tasted like, the goodbye I-" He broke off and cursed under his breath. He grabbed the microphone with the hand holding the poem and bowed his head. A stronger round of claps filled the break until he was able to pick his head back up and speak into the mic. “Like, the goodbye I never got to give her. They tw-twisted inside of me, clogged my throat until, I suffocated, they turned loss into, my own death. I became an unrecognizable, shadow of myself, with a dimmed soul and a muted heart.” He opened his eyes, ignoring the tears that managed to slide down his cheeks, a small smile on his face. “Then you walked into my life. It wasn’t a fairytale start- with longing gazes, across a cafe, or shoulders brushing, as we rushed to class, love at first sight…. It was the bass beating under my feet, at a stranger’s house, and barley breath forming a question that turned, my universe inside out- it was you. Our beginning wasn’t easy, I can’t really tell you when it began- was it that night your lips first touched mine or, was it the night you shared a piece, of the pain that built the walls around your heart? It was you, this new discovery, of me and what my heart could, hold. It was you, brushing the dust from, my heart and breathing life, back into it with every nose-scrunched smile, holding it in leather-clad hands until, it began to beat again, until I became the opposite of a shadow- you made me  _ light _ …. You made me warm…. Your kisses brought poetry back, to my tongue, made the words bloom in my chest until, they burst from my mouth, they taste like hot chocolate, dandelions and firsts and prayers. You taught me that, my heart could love two people, and you loved me for it. You showed me the, magic in small moments. You taught me… that, a boy could give a boy flowers, without the world exploding. You showed me a new side of resilience. You taught me, not to live in the past not to live for the future, but to exist, now with you… in a universe we’ve created and let that, be enough I hope I can be, enough for you.” He let his eyes fall to the booth where Keith was standing by the table with a hand at his mouth. “Our beginning, wasn’t easy- wasn’t a fairytale. But I promise, there won't be an end I promise, you forever after I promise, poems that will find new ways, to remind you, I love you.” 

Lance smiled and sniffed, keeping his eyes on Keith. “Surprise, mi vida.” 

Loud clapping jarred Lance from the moment and he laughed nervously as he thanked everyone and got off stage. The host smiled at him, giving him a thumbs up as he passed. Lance made his way through the crowd only for Keith to meet him halfway.

He didn’t even let Lance say anything; the second he had a grip on Lance’s arm, Keith pulled him in and kissed him. Lance could taste the saltiness of his tears. He felt the desperation in the way Keith held his face. 

"This wasn't for your birthday," he said breathlessly. Lance laughed and shook his head. "I love you,” Keith murmured against his lips. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” 

Lance smiled and pulled him back into another kiss. “Te amo, mi amor. Te amo, te amo, te amo, te amo.” He slipped his hand into Keith’s and tugged him back to the booth where Hunk and Pidge were also evidently very emotional. 

They scooped him into a hug, whisper-shouting praises and sniffling. The last few poets who read aloud gave them all a chance to pull themselves together. Lance was still shaking off jitters and catching his breath. 

Once the poets were done, the volume in the space gradually increased with everyone speaking at full volume with music pounding from the speakers. 

“Lance, you were fantastic,” Hunk said.

“I took a video, but I started shaking, so I had to move the phone to rest against my cup,” Pidge said. “How do you feel?” 

Lance took a deep breath and chuckled. “I don’t know if it’s really managed to sink in yet. But… I feel good.” He looked at Keith and smiled. “So you liked it?” 

Keith smiled softly and pushed a curl behind his ear. “I loved it.” 

“Um, Pidge, let’s go get a drink,” Hunk suggested. She took the cue and got up to head to the bar with Hunk. 

Lance turned back to Keith who was giving him that familiar, gentle look. “It’s incredible to see you up there. The amount of passion you put into it. The power of your voice….” Keith took a shaky breath and chuckled. “I love that I still get to discover new parts of you. I just fall in love with you all over again.” 

“I have more,” Lance said. “I have more for you. They’re all in the journal. I want you to read them.” 

“Of course,” Keith said, his smile growing wider. He leaned in to kiss Lance softly before pulling back to press their foreheads together. He sighed, the breath ghosting over Lance’s lips. “I’ve been waiting on you my whole life, pretty boy. I’m never letting you go.” 

Lance smiled and pulled Keith’s hand up to his lips. “I’m not going anywhere,” he promised. 

Keith pressed another kiss to his lips before slipping out of the booth. “Let me go get Hunk and Pidge before I forget they’re with us.” Lance laughed and nodded. 

While he was alone, he put his head in his hands before tilting his head to smell his wrist. The soft scent enveloped him gently, like a caress. He smiled and took a shaky breath, sending a thank you to God in his head and asking Him to pass it on to Allura. 

A few moments later, his friends came back to sit with him.

He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder before Keith held out a drink. A rum and Coke. “Birthday’s close enough. You look like you need one of these.” Lance laughed and rolled his eyes as Keith sat down beside him. “You want it or not?” 

“Yeah. Thanks,” he said as he took the drink. He leaned over to kiss Keith again before resting his head on his shoulder and taking a second to bask in the moment with the music, the conversations, the laughter…. With the person he loved in his arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End.
> 
> feel free to find me on Tumblr! @i-write-shakespeare-not-disney
> 
> Author's Note:
> 
> We did it. We really did it. If AO3 counts correctly, we’ve wrapped the journey up at 333,521 words after one and a half years.  
> One and a half years of posting, of battling writer’s block, of spinning this story as authentically as I could. For all of you. I truly don’t think I would’ve made it here without all of you who read it. Those of you who left comments, kudos, those of you who liked and reblogged the posts in order to get the next update, everyone who made fanart, created moodboards, wrote songs, or even wrote poems inspired by the story- all of you have made these last 18 months worth it. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again- I never thought I’d be so grateful to have gotten kidney stones, but it might have been the best thing to have happened to me.  
> It gave me a community of incredibly interactive and loyal readers, of friends. It gave me a chance to write a story that chipped away at my own walls and allowed me to embrace the beauty of romanticism, of simplicity, of an occasional cliche. This story has been one of the most incredible journeys I’ve had as a writer, and I truly cannot express my thanks enough.  
> I want to thank the person who popped up in my inbox suggesting a short fic based off a Harry Styles song (he seems to be a big influencer in fanfiction, huh?). I want to thank the people who wanted to know what happened next. I want to thank the people who helped me come up with names for the parts of the story. I want to thank every single Tumblr reader and every single AO3 reader. I want to thank all of you for the patience you had with me when I couldn’t get out of a writer’s block rut and for the undying and unwavering support and encouragement you all provided the entire time. I want to thank the discord server where we created deeper friendships and you all allowed me to see live reactions. Of course, I need to thank my wonderful, personal Wiki. Mel, you are fucking fantastic. I want to thank everyone who took the time to send me a message to tell me what parts of the story impacted you or the ones who told me how real the story felt. Those messages were an anchor in ways you can’t imagine.  
> I want to thank my friends who dealt with me talking myself in circles and helped me plot. Emma, thank you for asking me when I was uploading the next part. You don’t know what it meant to me at the time you asked. Isa, thank you for randomly deciding to start reading and dropping the information on me on a day I was lacking motivation. Thank you for always asking me, “Have you written more?” and not letting me off the hook. Mely, thank you so much for sitting with me outside of the Huddle and bouncing ideas off with me in your living room. Thank you for understanding the double-edged sword that writing is (in a good way… mostly). Renae, thank you for letting me babble on your couch and helping me stay authentic- your influence took this story right where I wanted it to go. Caro, thank you for your enthusiasm and support even when you had no idea what we were talking about.  
> The word “when” is important to Keith in this story. It’s important to me too. Because all of you have mentioned that you look forward to the day this story gets published. You’ve all said that you plan on buying it when it gets published- not if. In fact, some of you refuse to let me say “if.” You all have enough faith in me to make up for my lack of it.  
> I’ve wanted to be a writer for a long time. I thought it was a distant dream, one that meant getting millions of copies sold on bookshelves in order to reach my goal. I thought I had to earn that title in the form of a hardback. But you all taught me that I didn’t. You all have made my dreams come true. I’ve touched people in parts of the world I haven’t been to. I’ve influenced people and given them a story they could turn to when the world around them got dark. And I am so, so honored to have written something you all deemed worthy of being that light. A few have even called this story their favorite piece of fiction ever which- holy shit, that’s crazy!  
> This story wouldn’t have become what it became without all of you. It hasn’t fully hit me yet that the main part of Keith and Lance’s story is over in this universe. I’m so happy to have taken you all on the journey of healing and falling in love with these two. This story and everything that came of the last year and a half will follow me into the rest of my life. I will never forget how incredible this has been to share with you. Thank you all for making it so special. Thank you all for having faith in me and believing in my writing.  
> I love all of you dearly and I can’t wait for the next journey to start.  
> -Phoenix


End file.
